Latest / Inspiring Stories / It is ok to grieve for our pets and furry family members
Transcript
- 0:04Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the picture of the radiant.
- 0:26Speaker 2: Rat.
- 0:28Speaker 3: You readything to me?
- 0:33Speaker 4: Oh well, well.
- 0:40Speaker 3: Say, oh well.
- 0:57Speaker 4: Not bad.
- 1:09Speaker 3: I just see.
- 1:14Speaker 2: So canashion he is dead?
- 1:37Speaker 1: Hey, welcome back everybody. Our next guest he Andrew Beckson
- 1:45is a grief counselor a and we work together, kind
- 1:53of work together at Sarria Hospice. And here's a little
- 1:59bit about Andrew. Andrew is a registered professional counselor, a
- 2:06Master Practitioner in Clinical Counseling, family mediator, instructor facilitator with
- 2:15over ten years experience in supporting children, youth, adults, and
- 2:21seniors in their grief and lost journeys through his work
- 2:31with Place, Friends for Life, Moving Forward Family Services and
- 2:38his private counseling practice. Andrew is a highly skilled and
- 2:43knowledgeable in grief and bereavement. He has gathered positive feedback
- 2:55that his empathetic, caring, compassionate and sensitive approach has installed,
- 3:02installed hope and a new sense of purpose to those
- 3:07who have worked with him. So we're actually going to
- 3:13talk to him about his new and latest project, PET Bereavement.
- 3:20So it's it is something that a lot of people
- 3:24don't really think about, but it is a real thing.
- 3:28And Andrew is going to tell us how his latest
- 3:33project and how you can can join the very first
- 3:38first group that he is starting around this particular project.
- 3:44So why don't we welcome Andrew Beckson to the show.
- 4:18Welcome to the show, Andrew. How did you come up
- 4:21with the idea for a pet bereavement group.
- 4:27Speaker 5: Well, I've always had a love of animals ever since
- 4:30I've been a child, and that's continued throughout my life, childhood, adolescence, adulthood.
- 4:39Whenever I see people where I go for walk who've
- 4:42got an animal, whether it be a dog, typically, I
- 4:45always always just feel this connection, you know, there's this
- 4:48longing that that I want to connect in somewhere, and
- 4:50it's hard to explain. It's it's just been around for many,
- 4:53many years. At the same time, I've and I pups
- 4:59used the word for fortunate to be around animals who've died,
- 5:02and I need to explain what I mean by that.
- 5:05It's a privilege to be there, you know, at that
- 5:09those final moments, and I always hope that maybe my
- 5:13presence might have some positive bearing on that transition, you know,
- 5:18when they were that animal is about to pass. And
- 5:21I've had all kinds of experiences. Many of them have
- 5:24not been planned, they've been spontaneous. For example, oh god,
- 5:30it must have been about five years ago. I remember
- 5:32going for a walk and I saw a little garden
- 5:35snake and I think it had been run over, and
- 5:38you could tell the nerves were still moving. The animal
- 5:41had basically come to the end of its life, but
- 5:44there's still that movement in the body, you know, And
- 5:47and I just leant down and just placed my palms
- 5:52like this, as if focusing some energy. And it just
- 5:55felt this intuitive need to do that, you know, just
- 6:00to be part of that, and just didn't feel comfortable
- 6:04seeing this animal that I guessed I don't know, but
- 6:08I guessed a tire had got over. It's very small snake,
- 6:12probably probably a couple of feet long, maybe less, so
- 6:16it had been squashed. And yeah, it's easy to look
- 6:20at that snake shriveled up carry on walking, but I didn't.
- 6:24I just did that, and although very very sad, it
- 6:29felt the right thing to do at the time. So
- 6:32the things like this, I've had these experiences, many of
- 6:34them spontaneous, but I think it leads to my interest
- 6:38in pets and animals and in grief, not just with
- 6:42people who've passed and bereavement, but also very much with
- 6:46animals too.
- 6:48Speaker 6: Well, I want to get back to the breathing in
- 6:51the second, but I wouldn't want to get a basic
- 6:54understanding and belief out of you. You believe that did
- 7:01animals have living spirits inside of them? Right?
- 7:06Speaker 5: Yes? Sure, that's a that's the belief I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
- 7:11But people are going to have all different viewpoints. I mean,
- 7:14it's not just so with people. When when we pass
- 7:17with an animal pasties or human being pasties, what happens next?
- 7:20It's the big question, and there's many many viewpoints on that.
- 7:25But using the term as spirit, it often is connected
- 7:30with with with animals or people who pass, you know.
- 7:34And but again there's very different viewpoints on on on
- 7:38what happens next.
- 7:40Speaker 6: Well, as far as the spirit is concerned, we can
- 7:42go into like lots of different researches and things things
- 7:49like that. It would include anything that it did is
- 7:54actually alive. But we're just going to stick with with
- 7:58with with animals and human beings for for now. So,
- 8:04but when when any be loved creature passes, we have bereavement.
- 8:11Speaker 5: Right, yes, yes, uh. And and that can be all
- 8:17kinds of different experiences. And when we I hear the
- 8:19way to breathe often think about emotional attachment too, because
- 8:23that can have a huge influence on what that bereavement
- 8:25looks like.
- 8:29Speaker 6: For instance, like our next fur neighbors the their their
- 8:35dog Walter. Walter was a wonderful dog, big, fair of
- 8:41a looking dog with a gentle kind uh kind of being,
- 8:46and and he passed. He passed on because of some
- 8:52sort of tumor or something like that. Uh, But the
- 8:58the memorialized him in their own way, had a celebration
- 9:04of his life between with the family and everything. You know,
- 9:09it's the same as you would any other loved one
- 9:12in your family.
- 9:14Speaker 5: Yes, yes, And and the pain of missing that animal
- 9:20and all that person it can be the same. I
- 9:23mean I never really make a distinction between animal and
- 9:26people when it comes to that. Some people are incredibly
- 9:29attached to their pets, and the thoughts of them leaving
- 9:33is one that many don't really want to consider, but
- 9:36that time will come and and the impact can be
- 9:40very similar. So we get what did that attachment look like?
- 9:44How much did you love being around that personal that animal,
- 9:50and how you feel afterwards. You know, I knew some people.
- 9:54It just shows how different it is for different people
- 9:59lost a cat. We loved cat, very very sad, but
- 10:04they came to the end. And I remember someone saying
- 10:08to me, oh, so you're going to get another cat.
- 10:09Then it's as if it's an item at a store
- 10:12that I can just pick up and replace. You know,
- 10:14this one didn't work like another. I thought, oh no,
- 10:16you know, it was so painful the process, just what
- 10:21happened next. Just missed this tiny little animal that would
- 10:25run around the house and now it's no longer there.
- 10:27You missed the little sounds, you know, around the home.
- 10:30And it was two years before I got another one. Now,
- 10:33compare that to some friends of mine who lost lost
- 10:37a cat and the following week they got another. I
- 10:42don't think that means that that person's insensitive, nothing like that.
- 10:46They missed the company of an animal in the home
- 10:49and wanted an animal to replace it. It made their grief
- 10:53easier to bear by having a new little four legged
- 10:56animal running around the home. But it just shows how
- 10:58we can respond very differently. Some of us need that
- 11:02period of time, others bring a new animal into their lives.
- 11:05And again hopefully they find joy with that new animal
- 11:09as well.
- 11:10Speaker 6: Yeah. Well it's like like, yeah, the cat may may
- 11:18have played a different role in one house versus the other,
- 11:22or held a different different value. None, it's not a
- 11:26right or wrong situations. It's a different situation.
- 11:29Speaker 5: Right, mm hmm exactly.
- 11:33Speaker 6: Oh. So with that being said, because we because we
- 11:39we we don't have a lot of time today. You
- 11:44you you have started forming a bereavement group around this idea, right.
- 11:52Speaker 5: That's right. We have a forthcoming pet loss group that
- 11:57runs for six weeks. It's every Thursday night between six
- 12:02and seven pm, and it allows, really what we've been
- 12:06talking about, people who've lost an animal, are lost a
- 12:10pet to join this group and what I'm hoping will
- 12:13be a very safe platform for them to share as
- 12:17much as they feel they want to share about what's
- 12:21that been like for them and how they've coped, and
- 12:24to talk about that animal if that will bring them
- 12:26some peace, And that's what the group is really about.
- 12:31There's no fixed a gender. I think I often go
- 12:34by the energy of the group and that was to
- 12:37some extent influence what we talk about. But safety is huge,
- 12:42you know, when we're feeling very vulnerable, we were experiencing
- 12:45all that grief. We want to be sure we can
- 12:47be safe to share. And that's what I'm doing my
- 12:50very best to create to create this group where people
- 12:53can do that and have others who will be empathic
- 12:57to what they've been through. So I'm really hoped and
- 13:00this is going to be a really good experience for
- 13:03everyone who joins.
- 13:04Speaker 6: Yeah, they use the word impact, and I'm going to
- 13:07back it up to empathy. Empathy for the empathetic energy
- 13:15with everybody in the group important.
- 13:18Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it is. People can be very preoccupied,
- 13:23maybe even with the loss of a pet. That doesn't
- 13:27mean they don't have empathy for others who've experienced a
- 13:30loss as well. Everybody can be at different stages. Some
- 13:34people it might be a recent loss, but even if
- 13:37it's from one of my experience, sometimes it may be
- 13:40years ago. Yet there's still that memory and there's still
- 13:43maybe some pain attached to that memory. But it's important
- 13:48that everybody has a chance to share. So if one
- 13:52person was talking all of the time, I think that
- 13:55could I imagine that would be difficult. So of course,
- 13:58like any group setting, there's and boundaries. They're done respectfully,
- 14:02just to make sure everybody has an equal opportunity to share.
- 14:06And some may feel they have a lot of empathies.
- 14:09Others may find it so difficult because of their own
- 14:13challenges they're having with their lost pets. So it's an
- 14:16open group. But again the emphasis is on sharing and
- 14:21also hopefully all feel they can do so in a
- 14:25safe environment.
- 14:29Speaker 6: And of course the is a human right.
- 14:34Speaker 5: Yes, yes, or at least an aid of that healing.
- 14:38Some of it can be talking about suggestions that may help.
- 14:41People may want to share things that have worked for
- 14:43them which could be beneficial to other people who are
- 14:45in the group, and I'll facilitate that, you know, and
- 14:50may look at that, may put out what's helping you
- 14:54or maybe what how do you feel about the loss?
- 14:58And I may even ask, depending on on the energy
- 15:00to see where people around you. Have you thought about
- 15:03getting another pet? But that's a question that i'd ask
- 15:06face sensitively because we don't want to negate the importance
- 15:11of that animal in their lives. But sometimes people feel ready,
- 15:15like I was ready, but for me personally it was
- 15:17a couple of years. For someone else it was a week.
- 15:20It doesn't mean, as I mentioned, earlier that changes anything.
- 15:24We're all different, but it's interesting to ask sometimes because
- 15:28that way we can we can get an idea of
- 15:30how that how much time one needs before they excuse me,
- 15:34before they possibly have another animal in their lives.
- 15:40Speaker 6: There's very individualized, isn't it.
- 15:43Speaker 5: Yes it is. Yes, it's individualized. But you're also come
- 15:46into a group to share, and there's no emphasis that
- 15:50you have to share. Maybe one week you feel you
- 15:55want to and you do, and another week maybe just
- 15:59the nature of the common tense because it can bring
- 16:01a lot of tears, which are a form of release,
- 16:04but can that sharing may look a little bit different
- 16:06in another week, So there's no expectation there, but there's
- 16:11that opportunity to share with like minded people who have
- 16:15a love of animals.
- 16:16Speaker 6: Yeah, well, let me ask you this too.
- 16:22Speaker 7: Is is it possible that the the grief of a
- 16:27pet could be an underlying thing or overshadowy thing of
- 16:34of something else that could be going on.
- 16:36Speaker 6: In their lives that they might need to talk about.
- 16:39Speaker 5: Could you give me an example?
- 16:41Speaker 6: I wish it could, but but I know that sometimes
- 16:48when you have some money in counseling, you you discover
- 16:50that oh well, yeah, I used to do couples counseling
- 16:57as an pastor, and you're talking to them as a
- 17:01couple when you discover it is like, oh, well, wait
- 17:03a second, you might want to go talk to somebody
- 17:07else who's more qualified towards something something else. It would
- 17:11happen a couple of times where I had to refer
- 17:13to refer someone to larger professional than I could actually handle.
- 17:20You know, yeah, wells, because you are that larger professional
- 17:25person that I would refer to somebody to It be
- 17:30something else there that they that they do need to
- 17:33deal with, and it's holding them back from releasing the
- 17:37grief of their of their pet.
- 17:41Speaker 5: Yes, and I think thank you Michael for elaboration. And
- 17:44I think it's also been very respectful where someone's at
- 17:48My job would never be to to to tell someone,
- 17:52but I might ask a question, have you considered, for example,
- 17:56might be a way of saying it, and ultimately it's
- 17:58that individual's choice with a so, oh no, I haven't
- 18:01thought of that. Maybe I'll look into that. That might
- 18:03be a response. So maybe it could be helpful. But
- 18:08I also would recognize, like all of us, the limits
- 18:11of what I can offer. I think I am qualified
- 18:14in certain areas, and there's other areas where I think, oh,
- 18:16you know, this could be where another professional may be
- 18:20a suitable individual for this person to work with. So
- 18:24it all depends on what comes up, but I would
- 18:27certainly probably say it like that. You know, have you
- 18:30considered this, because I wonder, I'm very careful, I want
- 18:34I don't know, so I wonder if this might be
- 18:36useful to you, and then you kind of leave it
- 18:38with that person, and maybe they do, maybe they don't
- 18:42pursue that, but at least it's been put out there
- 18:45as an option to maybe follow up.
- 18:51Speaker 6: The ultimate thing is to promote the healing.
- 18:55Speaker 5: Yes, yes, exactly, and and maybe some of that healing
- 19:01can come from being in that group. I'd like to
- 19:04think it could have a contribution. Not everybody likes to
- 19:09do things in a group they'd rather than one on one.
- 19:11So I imagine people will see how that goes, and
- 19:14that might give them an idea of what further support
- 19:17that's if they think that's necessary that they may want
- 19:20to pursue.
- 19:22Speaker 6: Yeah, well, I did read to your list of blades
- 19:27and things like that, and you're certified a certified counselor
- 19:33and as a professional. You are too, I know you
- 19:38are also offer one on one counselor too, right.
- 19:41Speaker 5: Yes, that's right. Yeah, and that's through the Hospice Society, sorry,
- 19:45Hospice Society, so one on one there. I also have
- 19:49a private practice as well, so I keep myself busy
- 19:53with different aspects of in the in the counseling realm.
- 19:56Speaker 6: Yeah, for those of you, Lis, Andrew and I actually
- 20:01met through this very hospice society. We both do work
- 20:05for that for that society because they do wonderful work
- 20:10for our community. Without then there were big, big holes,
- 20:14like Andrew wouldn't be able maybe to reach some of
- 20:19the people who need a bereavement help in our community
- 20:24if it wasn't for Surry Hospice.
- 20:27Speaker 5: Right. So they're they're a great great go to They're
- 20:29they're they're there want to help and and it's it's
- 20:34if people feel the need and they think that could
- 20:37benefit them them, really encourage them to reach out to
- 20:39the to the hospice and they can receive one to
- 20:43one counseling.
- 20:45Speaker 6: Yeah.
- 20:46Speaker 5: And as you know, Michael, they offer lots and lots
- 20:49of groups, so they're very much into groups. A pet
- 20:52lost group of course, what we're talking about today. There's
- 20:55another of one I did one last summer. In fact,
- 20:58it was Nature's Amble and it was going to Bear
- 21:01Creek Park and sturry and walking with other people who've
- 21:06experiencing bereavement. But it's kind of like walk and talk
- 21:09in a beautiful setting and we'd meet for an hour
- 21:12and it was very informal that allow people to come together,
- 21:15but also as I say, physical exercise in a in
- 21:20a very pleasant setting. So that's another example of another
- 21:23group that the hospice have available.
- 21:28Speaker 6: Yeah, one of the things that I truly respect out
- 21:31of you as an individual counselor is your willingness to
- 21:37step outside of the box or the office and look
- 21:42at something creative that it helps.
- 21:47Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's nice to me, you know, it's it's
- 21:50it's an enjoyable thing to do for me. And as
- 21:54you say, step outside the office, it's it's nice, it's fresh,
- 21:57it's it's a lovely feeling. And and why do we
- 22:01have to be inside this building the whole time? We
- 22:04don't have to. So it's just a willingness to do it.
- 22:07And I know a lot of other people do similar
- 22:09things and it can be very beneficial, but really beneficial
- 22:14to the people who have an interest in them as well.
- 22:16So the Bear Creek example, and there's there's other groups
- 22:21as well, but yeah, wonderful. You know, what is it
- 22:24about walking and talking, It's it's quite different to sitting
- 22:27and talking. Interesting distinction between the two. Both can be beneficial,
- 22:32but different experiences can come from each.
- 22:37Speaker 6: I like that because because it's a willingness to respect
- 22:42each individual's needs rather than there's sterile it's got to
- 22:49be one way sort of.
- 22:51Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, it doesn't have to be that way, and
- 22:56so at least if anyone is open to just doing
- 23:00something a bit different, it can also be beneficial. But
- 23:04if someone has wants the one on one and they
- 23:08and the confidentiality, of course, we must never lose sight
- 23:11of confidentiality. That can be a great help. Being inside
- 23:15a room the door closed and it's it's it's safe,
- 23:18it's secure. That's where there can be a great benefit
- 23:21to one on one. So it also depends on what
- 23:24are you looking for, you know, is it very confidential
- 23:27this discussion, which it would be of course, there's always
- 23:29exceptions to confidentiality, or is it more I just want
- 23:33to be around others and talk and and and move
- 23:37my body. Well that that that looks a little bit different.
- 23:39That can take us outside into a setting that could
- 23:42be really conducive to the person who's attending.
- 23:47Speaker 6: Well, I know one for me personally, if there's something
- 23:54about my safety there seems to open up more when
- 23:57in an natural setting the city, inside of a building,
- 24:04or in an office or something. I am a very
- 24:09much advocate of counseling in general. The counselors that I
- 24:15have gone to, I actually asked them at some point,
- 24:21do you have a home office where we could like
- 24:23meet as your in like a living room kind of
- 24:29a setting, because I felt I feel more comfortable that way. So,
- 24:34and everybody has their own comforts, and how do you
- 24:39accommodate for for those comforts as a counselor.
- 24:43Speaker 5: It's it's not a question that I've been asked before. So,
- 24:48for example, the at the Sorry Hospice Society, we we
- 24:51do have a room and we try and make it
- 24:55as presentable and as comfortable and a kind of warm
- 24:59field to it, and we hope that people would feel
- 25:02at home there. But it's interesting because when you think
- 25:07about the colors of the walls and how tidy your
- 25:11room is. There's certain things that people may be uncomfortable with,
- 25:15so you know, we're very mindful of that. And in
- 25:17my private practice the same thing.
- 25:19Speaker 8: I have a room.
- 25:20Speaker 5: It's got some nice colors in there. It makes me
- 25:25think of aroma therapy. You know, we want to create
- 25:28this lovely space. We don't know if it's going to
- 25:32work for people, but I often ask for people's feedback.
- 25:35You know, I don't mind. I don't and when if
- 25:37if we ask for someone's feedback, we need to be
- 25:40prepared that we may hear some things that are contradictory
- 25:43what we're doing, so we must be prepared for that
- 25:46if we're going to ask. And I have done that
- 25:49much of the time. It's been great. It's been nice
- 25:51because well, I really don't like that light there, for example,
- 25:56or the way you've got this here, and if it's
- 25:58something I feel I can quite easily remove or change,
- 26:02and of course I'll do that because I want that
- 26:04client to be comfortable within reason. You know, they was
- 26:07saying I don't like the chair. That's certainly so far
- 26:11I can go, but I'd certainly do everything I could
- 26:13to accommodate that person and So yeah, when I asked
- 26:16that question, I am prepared to hear something that might
- 26:21mean I need to make a change, and it could
- 26:23be very helpful to me. It could be something that
- 26:26others may be feeling that I haven't felt confident enough
- 26:30or safe enough to share. So I have a lot
- 26:34of gratitude when I get that feedback. Whatever it is,
- 26:37it's it's it's helping me in some way. So I'm
- 26:39always very open to that.
- 26:41Speaker 6: Yeah, your your gratitude shows in a lot of things
- 26:44that you actually do. H and and how and how
- 26:51you you appear at advice and everything when we meet up.
- 26:55You know, it shows that you would form of gratitude
- 27:00and you're full of this wonderful spirit.
- 27:03Speaker 5: So that's nice to you to say thank you.
- 27:06Speaker 6: Yeah, and I appreciate that out of you. So you
- 27:17you came in the counselor because because of a compassion
- 27:21for people mm hm. And how does that actually aid
- 27:27you in your process when you're facilitating like the tech.
- 27:30Speaker 5: Group or one on one counselor how does it aid me.
- 27:37Speaker 6: That compassion?
- 27:39Speaker 5: Yeah, I I that there's a lot I find there's
- 27:42a how can I put it? There's a an energy
- 27:48that comes from people who I'm around, and that that
- 27:52often has a very positive impact on me. Uh, talking
- 27:55about different topics that are of not necessarily to do
- 28:00with counseling, just what people were going through and listening
- 28:05and showing that support. And that's very much what attracts
- 28:08me to counseling. I wasn't always doing counseling. I used
- 28:12to be a clinical hypnotherapist. I still do clinical hypnotherapy
- 28:16every now and then, but it just reminds me of
- 28:19whatever kind of therapy you do. Often you've got this
- 28:23one on one relationship quite often. Sometimes it might be
- 28:27family counseling, it might be couples counseling. But you've always
- 28:31got the energy that you bring and the energy that
- 28:34you're receiving from those you work with. And so I
- 28:37feel very invigorated by that. I find it very very
- 28:42positive thing and I enjoy it, and I can use
- 28:45that energy in all kinds of areas. So, yes, as
- 28:49you mentioned the facilitation or most recently had the Surry
- 28:53Hospice conference, and I was one of the presenters there,
- 28:57and that's another another part of me that I enjoy doing,
- 29:01is to presenting and talking about a certain topic and
- 29:07interesting because I brought up the word energy and it
- 29:10came from somewhere I think it was meant to come through.
- 29:14And I think back to that most recent presentation, and
- 29:20I have my notes, and I'm talking about questions, the
- 29:26importance of asking questions, you know, of loved ones before
- 29:29they pass, for example, that was one part of the
- 29:33speech I was doing. And I had all my notes,
- 29:36and I thought, well, you're going to draw upon your notes.
- 29:38You've got the PowerPoint slide up here, and I got
- 29:41my notes that coincide with the headings on the PowerPoint.
- 29:45And what I found so interesting is I hardly looked
- 29:48at the notes, but what I did look at was
- 29:52the people in front of me, and there was something
- 29:55I was picking up, maybe on a subconscious level, that
- 29:58was telling me to say certain things. So I was
- 30:02reading the end reading the room, I guess you could say.
- 30:04And so maybe that's why I because I intended to
- 30:07look at the notes, but I hardly did it at all.
- 30:09But it floated as well as I would hope it would.
- 30:12But I was very much paying attention to whatever was
- 30:16going on in the room and the energy there. And
- 30:19that's what I why I use the word energy.
- 30:21Speaker 6: You know.
- 30:21Speaker 5: It's it's we can get so much if we pay
- 30:24attention to something. Just pay attention to the room or
- 30:28whatever we're picking up, and let that guide us. Let
- 30:31that see, let's see where that takes us, because sometimes
- 30:34we can it can be very very positive. So I'm
- 30:38not sure answer your question, Michael, but it might be
- 30:41a roundabout way of answering.
- 30:43Speaker 6: I think you did agent your question. Do you minded
- 30:45we play play a clip from from your cop at
- 30:49the carperence at this point?
- 30:51Speaker 5: Yes, yes, please go ahead.
- 30:54Speaker 6: Yeah, let's do that. Here's a short clip from this
- 30:59Rough Hospice conference. It was in January the twenty twenty five,
- 31:05with Andrew giving him his talk on bereavement and and impassion.
- 31:13So we'll be back in a few minutes.
- 31:18Speaker 9: We should all still at a confidence to talk about death,
- 31:24to ask questions, to listen and be sure of what.
- 31:28Speaker 8: We had our lockcoms were like to happen when that
- 31:31time comes. Sounds really really good. And I think with this.
- 31:37Speaker 9: Then there's even an assumption about conversation or conversations became
- 31:42smooth that means to do and so on, And I
- 31:44think we all know that be so so difficult, So.
- 31:49Speaker 8: Often considered a type conversation.
- 31:53Speaker 9: I'd say the previous like, but this is about to
- 31:57conversations and it's about.
- 31:59Speaker 8: Death and life, so it could be upsetting any of us. Again,
- 32:05it doesn't have to be that way. It's all about fool.
- 32:12Speaker 9: So if it's my agenda, believe in the next forty
- 32:14five minutes gives you an idea.
- 32:16Speaker 8: Of what to expect, what I'm going to recover. Why
- 32:21do many of us find.
- 32:22Speaker 9: It difficult to talk about it? How do we have
- 32:27in that conversation and talking persis avoiding.
- 32:36Speaker 8: That's going to take.
- 32:37Speaker 9: But the time to look at that one, because which
- 32:39one do you think is the easier one?
- 32:43Speaker 8: I know for me definitely been to avoid. If I
- 32:45had a choice, if I didn't have to go there,
- 32:47absolutely just put it aside.
- 32:51Speaker 9: But again, that's what we're going to get into you today,
- 32:56So it's a smart with it. Let's talk about the
- 32:58tough conversation. Why many of us find, of course talk
- 33:01about death. Well, we don't be one of those most
- 33:06difficult conversations we could ever have, especially with our loved ones.
- 33:11We may feel fearful, we may feel scared about this subject.
- 33:17In fact, in society that's really fuls. Society has wine.
- 33:22Speaker 8: This is really difficult. We don't talk about this subject.
- 33:25Speaker 6: We do that.
- 33:26Speaker 9: So we've got society helping that along this disinterest of
- 33:32talking about death. And it's not until something really big happens,
- 33:39you know, something significant, something chucking hans that we may
- 33:45then internalize and reflect on death and dying. What does
- 33:51some examples eternal medical diagnosis, maybe a loved one, tragic
- 34:00news about what's happening to them.
- 34:03Speaker 8: I could do it.
- 34:06Speaker 9: And just that reminder that all of us are getting
- 34:09older and that's getting.
- 34:11Speaker 8: A little bit closer, and so she is gone by
- 34:15m So we.
- 34:16Speaker 9: Can feel pressure, even anxiety about talking about death and
- 34:20dying because.
- 34:21Speaker 8: We're putting this position of no choice. Heard all the
- 34:28time when I lived in the UK.
- 34:30Speaker 9: Face the music is anyone from a bit of fatter
- 34:33face the music. A lot of people don't want to
- 34:36face the.
- 34:36Speaker 8: Music and embrace or try the prospect of having that conversation.
- 34:50I always look back.
- 34:52Speaker 9: At the screen, not just to check and it coincides
- 34:55with my Google tablet in, but just to check it's
- 34:57not some crazy picture I got in there without my modergy.
- 35:00I reassurance. It's a lot of in there, but you
- 35:05never known me. That's not saying that. It's this crazy picture.
- 35:08Speaker 8: Jeez, that's not good.
- 35:12Speaker 9: So I'm going to get into talking about my mortality.
- 35:15And Rebecca mentioned a little bit as well earlier on.
- 35:19Speaker 8: They's advice will love here.
- 35:22Speaker 9: So the love talking about and dying off is exceptional
- 35:26mortality that we are loved ones will eventually face there.
- 35:33Speaker 6: H So, so yeah, that that was there was a
- 35:40brilliant talk that you actually gave that day. Thanks a
- 35:44lot of a lot of a lot of people, and
- 35:49and one personally, it was was really moved that that
- 35:56they did leave the room because they had the the
- 36:00ERNs the experience of it.
- 36:04Speaker 5: Yes, it I later learned that what I was talking about,
- 36:09it was talking about talking, as I mentioned earlier, trying
- 36:14to what if we are strange from someone and they're
- 36:16getting older, and then all of us can feel so
- 36:19pressure and I need to talk about what will happen
- 36:23if it gets getting closer and we could all feel
- 36:26that pressure of a conversation we may need to have
- 36:30with someone who's maybe close to the end of their life.
- 36:36And it's not often we don't often talk about that,
- 36:38and that's what I was addressing and got into some
- 36:43depth of that topic, and as you said, Michael, one
- 36:46person seemed very upset and left the room. And of
- 36:51course I'm continuing to talk, but I must admit, at
- 36:54the back of my mind I was thinking, oh, geez,
- 36:57did I go too far? You know, we can sometimes
- 36:59question ourselves. I don't think I did anything wrong, nothing
- 37:02like that. I'm talking about a very incredibly sensitive subject
- 37:07that I know for my own experience, I don't often
- 37:10I can't think but of really ever hearing people talk
- 37:13about this, not not not in a confidence like this.
- 37:16So yes, it was on my mind. And what was
- 37:19so beautiful was when that was over, the person came
- 37:23up to me and wanted to hug me for Oh
- 37:26you know, that was very That was very touching, and
- 37:28it really touched them and they just wanted to thank me.
- 37:32So that was beautiful and I'm so pleased it had
- 37:38such a positive impact on them. It was it was
- 37:41very meaningful to them. So that that was That was
- 37:44a really beautiful outcome.
- 37:46Speaker 6: Yeah, So back to the the pet Bury But for
- 37:51somebody to sign up and try and try to get
- 37:55secure the respect in the group.
- 37:58Speaker 5: Yes, so wow, time's going quickly. Because the first the
- 38:04first one, we got six weeks. The first one is
- 38:06this Thursday, February twenty seven. If anybody is interested, can
- 38:13you please email me Andrew at Surreyhospits dot com. I
- 38:20would say, really, the cutoff is going to be say
- 38:22three This is what I've said before, so I want
- 38:24to be consistent three pm tomorrow, so it's very little time.
- 38:29It is important if you're interested, that you can attend
- 38:33for six consecutive weeks, so every Thursday between six and
- 38:37seven pm. It's also very important that you stay for
- 38:40the four duration each time you come so short notice. However,
- 38:46if it doesn't work for you on this occasion, please
- 38:49get in touch anyway, because we'll run the group again
- 38:53and depending upon how much interest there is, that will
- 38:56probably determine how often and when we next won the group.
- 39:00So if you miss out on this this this one
- 39:03coming up, hopefully there'll be enough one soon and you
- 39:06can join that one.
- 39:08Speaker 6: So I will put your email address in the in
- 39:13the show notes so that people can get in touch
- 39:16with you.
- 39:17Speaker 5: So that's wonderful.
- 39:18Speaker 6: Thank you, Andrew, thank you for your time today. It's
- 39:22been wonderful. Again. I always always enjoy speaking with you.
- 39:26You're such a kind person.
- 39:29Speaker 5: So yeah, well, thank you and thank you Michael for
- 39:32this opportunity to share. It's been it's been great, so
- 39:36many thanks to you.
- 39:38Speaker 6: Yeah, so everybody check out the show notes if you
- 39:41want to join the group, especially if you are in Surrey,
- 39:45BC or in the Greater Vancouver area of British Columbia.
- 39:51So checking out and email Andrew as quickly as possible.
- 39:56Speaker 5: Thanks very much, Thank you.
- 40:00Speaker 3: Opposed to.
- 40:05Speaker 4: The sad sound you, I don't know so I would
- 40:30from action, so wave.
- 40:38Speaker 3: S this, he says, I reason to Shucho in last
- 40:59show we can't wait, so can't see.
- 41:41Speaker 1: She can't to.
- 41:47Speaker 5: St stop.
- 41:57Speaker 4: Stop.
- 41:58Speaker 2: I know.
- 42:23Speaker 1: The show has been produced by Depictions Media. Please contact
- 42:28us at depictions dot media for more information.