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Transcript

I've Been Wrong About This... (I Repent) · Heaven & Healing Podcast

0:00
Hi everybody. Welcome back to Heaven and
0:02
Healing podcast. It has been literally
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over five months since I've said those
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words or sat in front of this camera. I
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am so excited to be back. I've been
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through so much over this basically
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YouTube sabbatical uh that was
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originally only supposed to be about 3
0:27
months, but you know, life happens and
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more importantly, God happened and I
0:34
really wasn't released to come back
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until
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right now. And so that said, as you can
0:41
tell by the title of this video, I have
0:45
a lot to share. Now,
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I had a baby back in May. And you know,
0:53
if you've been watching, keeping up with
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the content that we've been releasing,
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I've basically been pregnant on the
0:59
channel for like a year now because we
1:01
batch recorded all that stuff way back
1:03
when to be consistently releasing
1:06
throughout the summer and accidentally
1:09
into September as well. And you know,
1:12
it's really interesting because this is
1:14
my second child now. And what I have
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just found to be so incredible both
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times is that each time I have given
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birth to another person,
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a birth within myself has also taken
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place.
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I am not the same Angela that I was when
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I was pregnant with Judah, my son. I am
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not the same Angela that I was before I
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gave birth to my first child, my
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daughter.
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I am new
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every time I bring new life into the
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world.
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And what what's what's really been on my
2:05
heart is how,
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you know, with that birth,
2:11
the Lord has brought forth
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what I've been carrying
2:19
in regard to my calling.
2:24
And that's what I feel is being released
2:28
in this new season.
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Not only as a mother and as a minister,
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but as somebody who has been given the
2:37
responsibility of this platform.
2:41
And so with that comes
2:44
kind of the accountability factor
2:47
of of of of
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the return of of the of the
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I want to say repentance honestly
2:56
because what is repentance?
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What is repentance? It's not behavior
3:00
modification.
3:02
It's not checking off boxes on a to-do
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list to be a good Christian that day.
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Repentance is a change of the mind. It
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is a turning away.
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And so I
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need to turn away
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from doing it in my own strength. I need
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to turn away
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from trying to build this thing
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in response to what has hurt me
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instead of who I am. I need to turn away
3:40
from
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giving these these messages
3:47
as a way to kind of
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cast stones back at those who have cast
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stones at me
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and get back to casting the net out as a
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fisher of men.
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And these are all the things that
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after the birth of my son,
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the Lord has excavated my heart
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to lay all this out in front of me and h
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and have me just really really take a
4:20
look at it. And so, you know, I I I do
4:23
need to I do need to repent. And hey, I
4:26
know some of you some of you were
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clicking this and you're like, "Oh,
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Angela is repenting because she learned
4:31
how to be nice. Angela's repenting
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because cuz she learned that she's too
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she's too angry and her tone is too
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harsh and all these things." Like,
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I'm actually not repenting for my
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personality.
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Matter of fact, more than ever, I am
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grateful
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for
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who God created me to be. The the
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personality that he like baked into the
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helix of my DNA.
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I'm
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really falling in love with that.
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Falling in love with my giftings.
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Falling in love with my cander and my
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countenance.
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because it's who he made me to be. So,
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I'm not p I'm not repenting for my
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personality. I'm not repenting for my
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zeal or my passion or for being direct
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or for standing against the darkness um
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in a climate that doesn't want to hear
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about the light.
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I'm not apologizing for talking about
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witchcraft or new age or or culture or
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spiritual deception or false teaching or
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sin or or demonstrating the power of the
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Lord Jesus Christ. Okay?
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So, this isn't about me, you know,
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turning away
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from
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being bold and being passionate. It's
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it's not it's not to say that I need to
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start presenting a softer gospel. That's
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not the point. I I'm not I'm not calming
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down. We'll just we'll just put it that
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way. But
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all that to say,
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I've come to realize that there is a
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difference between somebody being
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offended because I'm simply telling the
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truth
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versus
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me telling the truth from my own heart
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that has become offended.
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And this is where God has been dealing
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with me. Okay. So that there have been
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moments and I would really say this past
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year especially where the things that
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I've been saying the teachings that I've
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been putting out there are true okay but
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what has been driving me a lot of the
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time to say the thing
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was not always to be completely honest
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the same compassion that I started this
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thing out with
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that heaven and healing
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set out to achieve. I kind of lost sight
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of that along the way.
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And
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all that to say,
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this whole sort of revelation
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has also helped me understand something
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that Mike and I, my husband and I have
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been praying into for literally two
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years now. Um, we've taken it to our
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leaders. We've had conversations on the
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couch. We've had conversations with
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them. We've have conversations with God
7:42
about it. And and we've known for a long
7:46
time that we wanted to create a space
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for people to gather and learn and
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actually have conversations like beyond
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the podcast and really break the fourth
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wall basically, you know, kind of like
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we used to do on the live streams,
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right?
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It's essentially a community for those
8:04
of you that that don't just come here
8:07
because you want to consume Christian
8:09
content. Like you want to open your
8:11
Bible and you want to ask the hard
8:13
questions and you want to hear the hard
8:15
truths and you want to learn aside other
8:18
believers and you want to be convicted
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and you want to grow in your own zeal
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and you want to grow in your own journey
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with the Lord and and be a part of this
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conversation instead of just watching it
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happen on the screen in front of you.
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Okay. And and so, you know, we've just
8:34
been cultivating something that's deeper
8:36
and and more interactive and really more
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so of like a structured organized
8:41
container of learning where it's less
8:44
like y'all in the chat watching a show
8:47
together and more like y'all in the chat
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in class together sort of thing. And so
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that is coming
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alongside the birth of this new season.
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And that is called lost and found.
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Really apppropo name for a lot of our
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journey in Christ, right? We were lost
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and now we are found. And I'm going to
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tell you about that later on in this
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video because it connects to all of
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this.
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It connects to all of that I've endured
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and gone through and really just truly
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walked through the valley of the shadow
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of death over the past year. But the the
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past five months in particular
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and why God has has been unpacking all
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these different layers, this community
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is a part of that. But to explain that,
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I really have to take us back to the
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beginning of heaven and healing. So
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when I started Heaven and Healing, I had
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a burden for the people. You know, I
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just came out of New Age. I had another
9:57
podcast. I had an astrology podcast. I
10:00
had a new age podcast where I was
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sharing the esoteric truths through the
10:05
lens of the occult. And I thought that I
10:08
was helping people. I used to say we are
10:11
walking each other home on the
10:12
self-healing journey. I was doing tarot
10:14
readings for people in real life. I was
10:16
facilitating Reiki. I was a yoga
10:18
teacher. I had a class once a week when
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we were in COVID. I was hosting virtual
10:24
classes.
10:26
I used to have bi-weekly moon rituals
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with my closest group of girlfriends
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where I would break down the full moon
10:33
and new moon charts for us. And then
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that over time evolved into the the
10:40
internet sharing all that stuff online
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for people. And then I just got whacked
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with the Holy Spirit. I met the Lord
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Jesus Christ and he changed me forever.
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And I realized
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the gravity of everything that I had
10:55
been doing was so deceptive and demonic
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and dark.
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And I felt like the blind man that we
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see in scripture where he knows nothing
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about this man Jesus except he made me
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see and he wants to go tell everybody.
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And that was me. That was me when I
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first started.
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You know,
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I could finally see after 27 years what
11:22
I was participating in
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and I didn't want anybody else to have
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to go through what I had gone through. I
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wanted to stand at the gates of hell and
11:34
redirect traffic. It's something I used
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to say all the time on this channel.
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It's not like I was ever sitting around
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asking like, "How do I become an
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influencer?" you know, I wasn't making
11:45
vision plans or business plans for a
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podcast or a platform or a ministry or
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or anything of that sort. You know, I I
11:54
wasn't trying to create a podcast just
11:58
to find something to do. Like I I was on
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a I was on a rescue mission.
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I was literally sitting in a grocery
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store parking lot
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and I asked God, and this is probably
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three months into my I'm sorry, one
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month into my salvation. I'm sitting in
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a grocery store parking lot and I'm
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asking God, "What do I do with all of
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this?
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So many people need you, Lord? My old
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friends need you. My then fiance needs
12:33
you.
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All these people on the internet need
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you who think they know Jesus because
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they have a tarot deck where he's one of
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the ascended masters that you can flip
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to that day for a reading. So many
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people need you, Lord. What do I do with
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this with this testimony?
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And he gave me the name heaven and
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healing.
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And I did not realize at the time how
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prophetic
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that assignment was
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because heaven and healing is not simply
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a platform.
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Heaven and healing
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is an altar.
13:14
Heaven and healing is an altar
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where I set out to lay down my life
13:22
to see other people set free. where I
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set out to pioneer the what the Lord
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said was a new age exodus
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and I would literally part the Red Sea
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of the occult and lead them out of
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slavery
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and find the promised land on the other
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side. That is what I started Heaven and
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Healing for.
13:48
[snorts]
13:51
[sighs and gasps]
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And it went beyond just the occult
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because I was depressed. I was anxious.
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I was addicted. I was in lust. I was
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flirting with you know ending my life. I
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was tormented.
14:11
I was a part of so many destructive
14:13
relationships.
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all these cycles that
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really are not exclusive to someone
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dabbling in new aism.
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It's really all inclusive to the human
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experience, these sorts of cycles of
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torment and pain.
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And I wanted everyone to know that Jesus
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would meet them there. So, it was pure
14:39
when I started this. It was so pure.
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And I touched on this a little bit about
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six months ago. I have a video on this
14:48
channel titled I'm Done. But you know
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what I recognized in hindsight?
14:54
That video was a whole lot about
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the speck
15:03
in everyone else's eye. Oh, the
15:07
Christian market is oversaturated
15:09
online. The algorithm hates me.
15:13
They're the problem. Everyone else is
15:15
the problem. I really
15:20
might have acknowledged it in passing
15:22
because that's just sort of what you got
15:24
to do, but I didn't truly examine the
15:27
log in my own eye.
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And so I do repent for that
15:35
because all of this was like so pure
15:38
then.
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It was so pure then.
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And
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you know, I didn't ask for any of this,
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right? Like I didn't ask to be thrust
15:50
into a public space.
15:52
Praise God that he did it, but I didn't
15:55
ask for it. And the truth is,
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I didn't just get heaven. I needed some
16:00
healing, too.
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And so you take someone,
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you take someone who has
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father wounds, rejection wounds,
16:14
an orphan spirit,
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and you give them a microphone.
16:23
At some point, those wounds are going to
16:26
start evangelizing,
16:30
especially when the platform grows,
16:34
especially when there's
16:36
keyboard warriors in the comment section
16:38
that think they've got you all figured
16:41
out because they watched 45 seconds of a
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clip that you posted.
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eventually those wounds will speak
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louder than the word.
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And that's what started happening. It
17:00
wasn't the sort of thing that I
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recognized
17:04
overtly.
17:06
This was a slow drip, which is why it
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took me so long to to truly to truly see
17:13
it.
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You know,
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one comment will will will stick will
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stick longer than it should. One
17:23
person's feedback
17:25
will linger in the back of your mind to
17:28
the point where now
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the next video assignment becomes how do
17:35
I respond to this person
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rather than
17:40
how do I
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continue leading the lost
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out of the depths of the Red Sea into
17:51
the onto the other side to go find the
17:53
promised land. How do I lead them out of
17:55
slavery into the promised land? And it
17:57
became like, how do I show them that I'm
18:02
right here?
18:05
[snorts]
18:08
So, I repent.
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Um cuz that was just really poor
18:14
stewardship
18:15
of what the Lord has uh entrusted me to
18:20
steward here.
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And I see I see now like
18:28
why he's allowed so much warfare
18:32
around the platform over the last year.
18:34
You know, if if you're no stranger here,
18:37
you know that our computer,
18:40
our new computer, it broke back,
18:45
you know, five months ago after two
18:48
years of it just being constantly on the
18:51
fritz, us dumping money into it and and
18:53
all these sorts of like technological
18:55
difficulties that don't really make
18:58
sense
19:00
for the work that we do.
19:04
given the equipment that we have to
19:06
produce the work that we do. You know
19:08
what I'm saying? Like we use the same
19:10
things that like real deal professionals
19:13
use. So there there was no reason. And I
19:16
would just have so many moments with God
19:18
where I'm like, why are you letting this
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happen? Why are you letting the enemy
19:22
attack? Why are you letting the devil do
19:24
this and do that and do this and do that
19:26
and do this and do that and then the
19:28
computer breaks.
19:32
You know, I lose footage here, we lose
19:33
audio there, the lights break here,
19:36
the video won't buffer, the video won't
19:38
render,
19:40
but the computer that's now going to put
19:43
us back like
19:46
a lot of money. Hello.
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It's amazing how when you get out of
19:53
something,
19:56
you know that saying you can't see the
19:57
forest for the trees.
19:59
[snorts] When you finally like get out
20:01
the other side and you look back and you
20:03
can just see
20:06
everywhere that the enemy attacked,
20:11
God's hand was over it.
20:14
God has the devil on a leash.
20:19
The devil has to ask God's permission to
20:23
mess with us. You look at the book of
20:25
Job. He had to come before God and ask
20:28
permission to ruin Job's life.
20:33
And God said yes.
20:35
God said yes. It wasn't God doing it to
20:39
Job. It was the devil doing it to Job.
20:42
And God using the wickedness of the
20:45
devil to excavate Job's heart, the
20:48
faithfulness in Job's heart.
20:54
And he does that because he disciplines
20:56
those he loves. He uses the devil as a
21:00
modality of discipline. The devil thinks
21:03
he's getting away with something.
21:05
Meanwhile, God's 10 steps ahead saying,
21:08
"No.
21:10
What you use for their harm, I'm using
21:13
for their good."
21:16
And then the devil gets
21:18
knocked on his on his backside
21:22
in the defeat that is inevitable for him
21:24
time and time again. I don't even know
21:26
why he still tries
21:31
because there's always victory on the
21:33
other side of these sorts of
21:34
tribulations. Now, I'm getting a little
21:36
ahead of myself.
21:39
My point in sharing all all of that is
21:42
that I can see why God
21:48
[snorts]
21:49
kind of let the platform take a hit.
21:54
It's because I was out of alignment.
21:57
I was disobedient.
21:59
I'm going to be so real with y'all. You
22:01
know, back when I used to do the live
22:03
streams, [snorts]
22:05
there was one night in particular when I
22:08
had set up shop here by myself. Mike was
22:11
out actually recording something for
22:12
somebody else. This was back in April of
22:18
25, I believe.
22:22
24 or 25, I want to say. No,
22:27
who cares? I want to say 25. April 25, I
22:31
was up here
22:33
getting ready for my live stream and I
22:35
heard the Lord say, "You need to slow
22:39
down.
22:41
You're not spending enough time with
22:43
me."
22:45
Plain as day. Plain as day. You need to
22:48
slow down.
22:52
I heard him. I stopped. I wept. I
22:56
remember sitting on the floor 15 minutes
22:58
before going live weeping saying,
22:59
"You're right, Lord. You're right. I
23:01
haven't been st sitting at your feet
23:03
long enough. I haven't been I haven't
23:05
been like Mary just sitting at your feet
23:07
and choosing the better thing. I've been
23:08
like Martha. I've been so busy. I've
23:10
been doing I've been serving. I've been
23:12
working for you rather than being with
23:14
you. And I love you, God. That's not
23:17
going to, you know, it's not going to
23:18
happen again. Thank you for showing up."
23:20
And that's kind of where I left it.
23:25
never actually followed through
23:30
with what he was telling me.
23:35
And and you know, it's funny because
23:38
I thought I thought that him saying,
23:43
"You need to slow down. You need to
23:44
spend more time with me." I thought what
23:46
what he was really asking for was a
23:49
recalibration of my schedule. And to
23:51
some degree he was okay because I wasn't
23:55
carving out enough time for the secret
23:57
place, for intimacy, for our
23:59
relationship. It was almost like, you
24:02
know, I was prostituting every
24:03
revelation I had from the Lord,
24:05
prostituting my friendship with Jesus by
24:08
just running to the internet, running in
24:10
front of this camera to share what he
24:12
was revealing to me rather than sitting
24:14
with it and letting it change me.
24:17
So there was an element of yes, Angela,
24:20
I want you to shift your calendar. But
24:24
what I've come to realize now
24:29
is he was calling me that night
24:34
back to himself
24:39
because he knew if I kept going on the
24:43
trajectory I was going,
24:46
the orphan spirit would only get louder.
24:49
And that's exactly what happened.
24:55
He didn't want me to slow down because
24:58
he hates heaven and healing or because
25:01
he's done with me,
25:04
because he's done with the the mission
25:06
that he set me out on. He didn't want me
25:10
to slow down for those reasons because
25:12
he wanted me to stop evangelizing or
25:14
teaching or preaching or testifying or
25:17
casting out devils or baptizing people
25:19
or praying for people.
25:22
He wanted me to slow down
25:26
[snorts]
25:29
to be his daughter.
25:34
That was it.
25:37
Because he knew that I hadn't yet really
25:40
let him touch those wounds of rejection
25:43
or those father wounds.
25:46
And he knew because he's God. He knew
25:52
that the longer I kept on
25:55
just slapping a Bible verse on top of
25:58
those wounds
26:00
instead of letting him go into them
26:06
and excavate them, actually clean them
26:09
out.
26:12
He knew that the fruit of that
26:17
would start to sound a lot more like an
26:19
orphan than a daughter. And that the
26:22
messages that I had to share that he has
26:25
equipped me and called me to share would
26:28
become perverted in the sense that it
26:31
would be filtered through the orphan
26:32
spirit rather than the spirit of
26:35
adoption.
26:40
>> [snorts]
26:45
>> I have learned the importance of
26:49
listening to my father the first time
26:52
when he speaks to me. [snorts]
26:55
And I'm grateful that he broke that he
26:58
let the computer break. I'm grateful
27:00
that he let the the the channel get a
27:03
little stagnant
27:05
instead of letting everything grow and
27:07
grow and grow and grow on a foundation
27:11
that was a false identity.
27:14
I'm grateful for that in hindsight. I'm
27:17
grateful he let the devil attack me so
27:19
much.
27:23
I really am
27:29
because though I walk through the valley
27:31
of the shadow of death, I fear no evil
27:33
for you are with me. Your rod and your
27:36
staff, they comfort me. I've been
27:38
reading a lot of Proverbs. And you know
27:41
what happened that night
27:45
when I got that word from God that I
27:46
needed to slow down and I didn't listen
27:48
was I got struck with the fear of the
27:51
Lord. You know what the verse says? that
27:53
the fear of the Lord is the beginning of
27:55
wisdom. What's interesting about that is
27:58
that it's just the beginning.
28:01
Fear of the Lord is the beginning of
28:04
wisdom.
28:10
More proverbs go on to tell us
28:15
to lean not in our own understanding,
28:17
but in all our ways submit to him, and
28:19
he will direct our paths, that we will
28:22
not be wise in our own sight, but that
28:24
we will turn away from evil. Because get
28:26
this,
28:28
his direction
28:31
is
28:34
health to thy navl and marrow to thy
28:38
bones. The fear of the Lord is the
28:41
beginning of wisdom. but to step forward
28:45
in obedience to that wisdom. To allow
28:49
him to direct your steps,
28:52
to lean not on your own understanding,
28:55
to turn away, repent from evil,
29:00
and to submit and acknowledge him in all
29:02
your ways. It's that direction
29:07
that actually gives you sustenance,
29:10
health to thy navl. Think about the
29:14
imagery of that. Thy naval. What's your
29:16
naval? Your belly button. What does your
29:19
belly button attach to? Your umbilical
29:22
cord.
29:23
When you were in the womb
29:26
and your mother is feeding you, growing
29:30
you, sustaining you through that
29:34
umbilical cord, that is health to your
29:36
navl in the womb. That is how you grow.
29:38
That is how you are born.
29:41
That is what the direction of the Lord
29:43
is like.
29:46
Marrow to thy bones.
29:49
Do you know marrow is responsible for
29:54
basically all things pertaining to your
29:56
blood cells?
30:01
You can't live without healthy bone
30:02
marrow.
30:06
You need healthy bone marrow to have a
30:09
healthy blood count.
30:14
The Lord equates his direction
30:21
with two biological
30:24
elements that our bodies need to grow
30:30
to be born
30:33
and to live.
30:38
The fear of the Lord is just the
30:40
beginning.
30:42
It's just the beginning of wisdom. The
30:44
sustenance is in the direction in the
30:47
steps forward. So what would have
30:49
happened? I wonder in hindsight if I had
30:52
listened that night and actually slowed
30:54
down.
30:57
Maybe I would have given less credence
30:58
to the accusers.
31:02
The messages would have stayed pure.
31:06
The platform would have stayed pure. Who
31:08
knows? It doesn't matter now because
31:11
I've come out the other side and I've
31:13
[sighs]
31:15
only conformed further to the image of
31:17
Christ because of it. And as I said, I'm
31:18
grateful. But the point is,
31:22
you know, we complain all the time about
31:24
being in the wilderness. But sometimes
31:26
we forget that the reason that they were
31:28
in the wilderness so long is because
31:30
they wouldn't stop feeling sorry for
31:31
themselves and complaining about how it
31:34
was almost easier when they were back in
31:36
in slavery.
31:38
They didn't know how to be free. Why?
31:40
Because they didn't know who they were.
31:42
It was easier to be an orphan. So
31:45
sometimes what happens is we partner
31:47
with the wilderness
31:49
because we're partnering with the orphan
31:51
spirit
31:52
because we don't know how to partner
31:56
with the spirit of adoption that cries
31:58
aba father.
32:02
And that was my story.
32:08
And the devil knew that.
32:11
The devil the devil knows
32:15
your wounds and he's always going to
32:17
capitalize against you with your
32:19
wounding. So I'm I'm well aware that
32:22
there's, you know, people on assignment
32:23
in the comment section to come at me and
32:26
say this and say that and and this the
32:28
manifestations and whatever. And I have
32:31
a choice in those moments to listen to
32:33
the wound
32:35
or abide in the word.
32:44
And I have chosen incorrectly a lot of
32:47
the time
32:49
because I haven't truly known
32:53
how
32:55
to partner with who I am in Christ,
32:59
which is a daughter, which is an ays.
33:04
And and what's funny is
33:07
there's not really a howto like an an
33:10
instruction manual for this sort of
33:11
thing. There's not like a formula, a
33:13
stepbystep
33:14
list that we can follow how to partner
33:18
with your freedom. It's actually
33:19
something that's received which for
33:21
somebody that has an orphan spirit, has
33:25
ree rejection, has fatherlessness, that
33:28
is so used to striving and performing
33:32
and earning and people pleasing and and
33:35
creating worth and
33:39
facilitating value based on how good of
33:43
a job you can do or how much people like
33:45
you.
33:48
receiving.
33:54
It's like a foreign language,
33:59
but it's native to the spirit of God
34:01
that lives inside of you. If you would
34:03
only spend time with him and listen.
34:06
If you would only slow down
34:10
and listen.
34:19
So, I gave that orphan spirit a
34:22
microphone and I'm sorry for that. I'm
34:30
I'm sorry because
34:34
I've I've actually partnered with the
34:36
accuser through that.
34:39
[snorts]
34:41
You know, I understand that there's
34:46
a Jezebel assignment against prophetic
34:48
voices. I I understand that
34:53
religion is what hung Jesus on a cross.
34:56
I understand that he he is pretty
34:59
obviously clear that when they hated
35:01
him, they will hate you. Like I get all
35:03
that,
35:07
but
35:11
I also know that um
35:14
there's an element of truth to the fact
35:16
that what you entertain you enable kind
35:20
of thing
35:24
and what you give attention to you build
35:26
an audience around.
35:28
And so while I while I'm aware of the
35:31
assignment, while I'm aware of the
35:34
[snorts]
35:35
fact that I'm not above my master in
35:37
Christ and that backlash will always
35:39
come,
35:42
I'm also aware
35:44
that by
35:50
creating, you know, [snorts] responses
35:53
to those voices
35:55
that I've partnered with the accusations
35:58
and Satan is the accuser of the
36:00
brethren. So, I've I've given Satan a
36:03
foothold
36:05
to this channel in the past
36:10
by partnering with the accuser [snorts]
36:14
and I repent.
36:19
It's just important, guys, to confess
36:21
things publicly
36:25
even if it's, you know, challenging or
36:28
or hard. And and people have been
36:31
telling me a long time, not really um
36:36
people that I love, by the way, but
36:38
random people have been telling me a
36:39
long time, you're too new to have a
36:41
platform, you're too new to teach,
36:43
you're too new this, that, the third.
36:45
And you know, there's an element of
36:47
wisdom to
36:50
those those criticisms. They're fair in
36:52
a sense, but there's also a beauty to be
36:56
found in the vulnerability like this
36:59
that I think we do need more of that we
37:01
need to see more of because it's it's
37:03
been through the witness of others
37:05
vulnerability where I've been able to
37:09
find safety in this process with the
37:12
Lord over the summer that I've gone
37:14
through.
37:18
And so what I what I hope that this will
37:20
do is give someone else permission
37:26
to recognize their blind spots,
37:30
to recognize that they don't have it all
37:32
together
37:35
and that
37:38
God will use even even that for your
37:41
good
37:45
and whatever he's tell whatever he's
37:47
told you to do. Listen to him. Listen to
37:50
him. Learn from Learn from my mistakes.
37:53
Learn from my mistakes. My computer fell
37:55
asleep and I can't get it back on. So, I
37:57
guess we we don't have any more notes.
37:59
That's fine. That's you know, that's
38:00
something else the Lord told me.
38:05
Um,
38:09
so it's been it's been a lot. It's been
38:11
a lot. and and and recognizing that by
38:14
partnering with the accuser,
38:17
my heart has has gotten quite bitter
38:23
was quite bitter
38:27
because when you have an when you have a
38:29
wound like that, when you have a
38:31
rejection wound, when you have a
38:32
fatherlessness wound
38:34
and and you don't let the Lord
38:39
go in and heal it the way I
38:43
refused to for a long time. Even sub
38:45
subconsciously refused to for a long
38:47
time. When you have a gaping wound of
38:50
fatherlessness and rejection,
38:54
the enemy will capitalize on that
38:57
through accusation and slander. And he
39:01
will build offense up in your heart.
39:04
Because if he can corrupt your heart, he
39:06
can corrupt your speech. Because out of
39:09
the abundance of the heart, the mouth
39:12
speaks.
39:14
So that wound of rejection
39:19
allowed all this offense, this
39:22
stronghold of offense, this fortress of
39:24
offense to build up in my heart
39:28
with bitterness and resentment and
39:31
they're so stupid. They're so dumb. I
39:34
hate these religious people.
39:37
being real.
39:41
And out of that abundance in my heart,
39:43
my mouth began to speak. Even when the
39:46
messages were doctrinally sound, even
39:50
when there was truth in what I had to
39:52
share,
39:54
it was never about the tone.
39:57
It was never about my northeast Italian
40:01
personality
40:03
or my zeal or my passion.
40:06
It was about the abundance
40:08
of what had built up in here through the
40:11
offense, through the wound, through the
40:12
orphan spirit and what had the
40:15
microphone in place of that.
40:18
That was the problem. And there was
40:21
hate.
40:23
The Lord had to show that to me that
40:25
I've allowed myself to actually hate
40:28
people. [laughter]
40:31
Yikes.
40:33
That's really ugly to admit. And it
40:35
ought to be because like I said when I
40:38
started this thing,
40:43
I was blind and now I can see. There's
40:46
more for you than what you've settled
40:49
for.
40:52
New age ain't going to do it. Addiction
40:54
ain't going to do it. Depression ain't
40:56
going to do it. [snorts]
40:59
And I I just over time let those little
41:01
sly foxes get in and spoil the vineyard.
41:04
and I repent. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for
41:07
that. I'm sorry for that.
41:10
Um
41:12
I'm sorry for
41:17
even even those of you that are watching
41:19
this because you are going to leave a
41:21
mean comment now. Like I'm sorry for
41:23
engaging back.
41:27
I love you and Jesus loves you
41:31
and I should have risen above
41:37
where you met me
41:40
so that I could have invited you up
41:42
there and I didn't.
41:45
And I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry
41:48
for the example that may have set for
41:50
other people in the faith.
41:56
So
42:03
the refining fire burns guys,
42:09
but on the other side comes gold.
42:16
And I am
42:19
so thankful because as painful as it has
42:21
been
42:23
to have open heart surgery,
42:27
the Lord is
42:29
quite a skilled surgeon.
42:32
He's the best there is actually.
42:36
And he's done a really, really great job
42:40
at getting into those wounds, at
42:43
excavating the bitterness and the
42:45
resentment and the pain,
42:48
at getting that log out of my own eye,
42:58
at having me turn away
43:01
from what I had allowed this to become.
43:06
and back to
43:09
what he assigned it to be.
43:14
Heaven and healing was never just a
43:15
platform. It is an altar. And an altar
43:19
is a place of worship. And I am done
43:22
worshiping the orphan spirit. I'm done
43:25
worshiping the accuser. I'm done
43:27
worshiping rejection.
43:32
>> [snorts]
43:33
>> What does all of this mean for the
43:35
future of the channel?
43:37
Well, I'm not going anywhere. And I I
43:40
want to I want to say this as as a as a
43:42
kind of another accountability point
43:44
that I have leaders, as I as I said with
43:47
the with the birth of the community
43:48
thing that we're going to talk about in
43:49
a minute. I have leaders in my life that
43:51
Mike and I
43:54
learn from, submit to,
43:57
um are accountable to. I'm not just
44:00
doing this thing by myself, figuring all
44:02
this out on my own. You can't see
44:03
yourself by yourself. And so, I'm so
44:05
grateful for the mentorship and and and
44:07
and the pastors and the apostles and the
44:10
prophets in my life that hold up a
44:14
mirror for me and say, "Hey, look at
44:17
this. Let's look at it together.
44:21
Matter of fact, let's let the Lord look
44:23
at it.
44:25
It has been invaluable and it has helped
44:29
heal those wounds
44:31
because how many of you know someone
44:33
with a father wound, someone with a
44:36
rejection wound,
44:38
man, that closeness, someone that cares
44:40
about you can start to feel really
44:42
uncomfortable and even their correction
44:45
can start to feel like rejection,
44:48
but it's not. It's love. And so, I've
44:51
allowed myself to be corrected. I've
44:53
allowed myself to to to be
44:57
told
44:59
what needs to change
45:03
and it's not the assignment.
45:06
I have I have I have [snorts] been
45:08
willing I matter of fact I've told God
45:11
I'm done. I've told God I'm done. I'm
45:13
done with this. I'm done with the show.
45:15
I'm done with being a public figure for
45:18
lack of a better express. I'm done with
45:19
being an influ whatever you want to call
45:21
it. like I'm done. I don't want to do
45:23
this anymore. I'm done. I I've said that
45:28
so many times months back especially.
45:32
And um the thing is though, he's not
45:36
he's not
45:39
he just didn't want to see it built on
45:43
something that was unstable and
45:45
ultimately not of him because rejection
45:49
is not of the Lord.
45:51
We're accepted and set apart before the
45:53
foundations of the earth.
45:58
While we were still sinners, Christ died
46:00
for us. Like he loves us so much. He did
46:02
not come to condemn the world, but to
46:05
save it. Like these are attributes of
46:08
love,
46:10
of acceptance, of grace.
46:14
And that's the truth of who I am. That's
46:16
the truth of who you are. if you are in
46:18
Christ Jesus.
46:21
And that's
46:23
the purity that he wants
46:26
anything built on
46:31
that he wasn't going to let me keep
46:33
doing it
46:35
through a false identity. He was only
46:37
going to accelerate, allow anything to
46:41
grow and thrive
46:44
in alignment with the mission that this
46:46
set out to be when it started
46:49
in covenant
46:52
as his daughter
46:55
is not an orphan and I'm not rejected.
47:00
And so we're going to do all the things
47:02
we we've been doing. We're just going to
47:04
do it
47:06
the right way now. Still going to
47:09
testify. Still going to have interviews.
47:11
Still going to talk about culture. Still
47:13
going to talk about all things new age.
47:15
Dismantle the the kingdom of darkness
47:18
and and demonstrate the kingdom of God.
47:21
None of that none of that ends now. But
47:25
what what's going to shift is, you know,
47:31
I'm no longer casting pearls before
47:33
swine. And look, that's the Bible that
47:35
says that. Let me be clear about what
47:37
that means. [sighs]
47:40
While there are many of you
47:43
in the comments that have
47:46
done what we've just discussed for 45
47:48
minutes, the slander, the accusation,
47:50
the this, the that, and I've combed it
47:52
in retaliation with a lot of the content
47:55
that I've put out, there is an equal
47:58
amount of those of you that are like,
48:01
but I want more of this. Like, I want to
48:03
go deeper in this area. I want to I want
48:08
to just like open up my body. I want to
48:10
know more. I want to grow.
48:14
I want to learn how to renew my mind. I
48:16
want to tr be trained in in discernment.
48:19
like all these sorts of things, all the
48:22
elements of of the the teaching that the
48:25
Lord has entrusted me to do.
48:30
I no longer per his instruction, I no
48:35
longer can just
48:38
cast out those pearls
48:41
to people that want to eat it up and
48:45
spit it out.
48:47
I can't create a breeding ground for the
48:50
accuser anymore.
48:53
This this platform is to be a fisher of
48:57
men.
49:03
Once you're here and you want more of
49:05
that, now we learn how to fish together.
49:08
Right?
49:09
So that that's al that's been part of
49:11
the problem is that
49:14
the orphan spirit that I was operating
49:17
in was trying to
49:21
soo say all those people
49:25
by investing all of my time and energy
49:28
and giftings into creating content and
49:32
delivering information
49:34
that was never going to be understood
49:37
because the intention
49:39
has never to been has never been to
49:41
understand. The accuser does not seek
49:44
out information to understand the
49:47
information. The accuser seeks out
49:49
information to collect intel to further
49:52
the accusation.
49:57
Can't be doing that. And the orphan
50:00
spirit let me. And the orphan spirit
50:03
also
50:05
made me afraid to even create a
50:08
community like this despite the
50:09
leadership in my life encouraging me to.
50:11
Despite my husband for two years telling
50:14
me this needs to happen. This needs to
50:16
happen. That orphan spirit's like, "No,
50:18
what will they say? No, what will they
50:20
say? They're going to they're going to
50:21
say this about me. They're going to
50:22
they're going to say that I'm charging
50:24
for the but hello. I just I just had
50:28
this whole revelation, this whole
50:29
breakdown over the summer that I'm not
50:31
an orphan, that I can't operate from the
50:33
orphan spirit, that I can't make content
50:35
or or or or send messages forth to
50:40
please the accuser.
50:43
So why am I going to resist a calling to
50:49
please the accuser when there are those
50:51
of you that are hungry? You are hungry.
50:56
You want to be a part of the
50:57
conversation. You don't just want to
51:01
watch this video and for it to end here.
51:04
You want you want to go deeper. You want
51:06
more. And you do want a community to to
51:08
learn alongside with. You want to take
51:11
notes. You want to grow.
51:15
You want information that becomes
51:18
revelation that becomes demonstration
51:21
that you carry up and out with you into
51:23
your walk. So you learn how to
51:25
evangelize. So you're equipped in
51:28
apologetics.
51:30
So that you learn how to discern the
51:32
time. So that you learn how to discern
51:34
the spirits.
51:36
So that you learn how to contend in the
51:37
faith. All these sorts of different
51:40
elements like you want that. And so
51:41
that's why we are creating and
51:44
announcing officially lost and found
51:47
with all of this because it is a part of
51:49
the birth of what has been birthed
51:53
of what the Lord has birthed. He's given
51:56
me two assignments and for too long
51:58
because of the orphan spirit I've been
52:00
trying to overlay the assignments and
52:03
it's not working. It's not working.
52:08
Heaven and healing is heaven and
52:09
healing. And all of this is what this is
52:12
supposed to be.
52:15
So, lost and found.
52:18
We'll put a QR code on the screen for
52:20
you to scan. You can join.
52:23
You can also click one of the links
52:25
below to become a part of the community.
52:28
We're going to go live together once a
52:30
week. Every week
52:33
at 8:00 p.m. Central time, we're we're
52:36
going to go on Zoom together. We're
52:38
going to have classes. We're going to
52:39
have a book club. We're going to have
52:41
Q&A.
52:43
We're going to have a container on on
52:45
the school app where we can come and we
52:48
can be in in in discussion on the boards
52:52
together.
52:54
We can submit our prayer requests. We
52:57
can submit our praise reports. We can
52:59
have questions and dialogue. And what's
53:02
really going to be fun and unique is
53:04
that we are going to have a theme for
53:06
every month of what we're really honed
53:09
in on and focusing on. And that theme is
53:14
going to curate what the classes and the
53:16
workshops and and the resources will
53:20
orbit around what the book that we will
53:23
read orbits around and then what our you
53:27
know Q&A sessions will ultimately orbit
53:30
around.
53:33
So I'm officially inviting you to be a
53:36
part of that with me. If you were lost
53:39
and now you're found,
53:42
then come join our community. Come be a
53:45
part of the conversation.
53:49
I'm really excited for what the Lord's
53:51
going to do over there. I'm really
53:54
looking forward to investing in those of
53:57
you that want to invest in your
54:00
spiritual growth.
54:03
You want to invest in
54:06
the sort of breakthrough
54:09
that I just had
54:12
over the last year
54:15
from really pressing in. That's what
54:18
this community is going to give you an
54:20
opportunity to do. Really press in. And
54:23
it's not to replace church. It's not to
54:26
replace disciplehip. I am not your
54:29
pastor. I am not your therapist.
54:33
I am someone
54:37
who can simply help teach you
54:41
just some of the deeper things, some of
54:44
the deeper some of the deeper elements
54:46
of the kingdom,
54:49
some of the different deeper faculties
54:51
of the kingdom with the unique
54:53
perspective that I have coming out of
54:55
the occult. And heaven and healing isn't
54:58
going anywhere. Like, we're still doing
55:00
this podcast every week. We're still
55:03
talking about culture. We we're still
55:05
talking about new age. We're still
55:07
talking about deception.
55:09
We just now have a container for us to
55:12
go a little bit deeper
55:15
where we don't give even a foothold
55:20
to the accuser spirit.
55:24
It's just us all together to learn and
55:27
grow and thrive.
55:29
It's been a long time since I've closed
55:31
out a video. I don't remember how. Thank
55:34
you for watching.
55:38
Goodbye. [laughter]
55:42
I don't know how to end a