Latest / I Do, Part 2 / For The Love of Money

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For The Love of Money · I Do, Part 2

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to I Do Part two, the podcast
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: where we talk about all the stuff that happens when
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the marriage doesn't work out, or when maybe you were
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: married for many years and life just happened and now
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: you find yourself back on your own for the very
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: first time. I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: here on the pod, and I think what a lot
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: of people have learned about me I have to say
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: through this podcast and this show is that I take
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: my finances pretty seriously. I've been really open about my
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: thoughts on prenups, divorce, and so today I wanted to
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: talk about money and relationships. Get sticky. My guest today
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: is a founder, CEO and the host of the podcast
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Her Money, and she's a New York Times bestselling author
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: of Women With Money. Please welcome Jeene Chatsky to the pod.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Welcome to I DO Part two. How are you doing?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I'm good.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me, of.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Course, thanks for coming on. Let's just get right into it. So,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: for people who have gone through divorce, would you say
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: that when you start dating again, like, how long into
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the dating phase do you just ask about credit scores
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: and being completely transparent about you know each other's finances.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I don't think complete transparency is something that you have
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: to something that you have to approach until you know
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: that this is a relationship that at least has at
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: least has some legs, right, And I say this, God no,
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: and I am I was divorced. So I was married
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: for a long time, had two kids, got divorced at
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: age forty or separated at age forty, and got remarried
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: about five years later. And so I've been through this
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: and know exactly what you need to cough up and when.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: And here's the thing. You don't want to be dishonest.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: You never want to be dishonest. You never want to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: hide important facts about your financial life. But I think
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: that the most important thing is to align on with
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: a potential new lifetime partner or even somebody that you're
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: going to just date for a long time. Are hey,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: do we have the same ideas of goals? Do we
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: have the same ideas of values? Do we think the
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: same way about spend a lot of money on dinner
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: or a little money on dinner? How do we feel
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: about our travel vacations? And what's on my plate that
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I need to take care of and what's on your
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: plate that you need to take care of? And how
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: are we going to have our own life with these
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: separate responsibilities existing.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: To the side, I think, all, yeah, I hear you,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and I believe that is maybe an initial conversation when
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: you have chosen to take this relationship seriously. But like,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: there's also debt, and if you do marry each other,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: it becomes your debt.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And it's well, not necessarily, it doesn't necessarily, no, not
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: even if you don't sign a prenup. So if I
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: come into and by the way, I think you should
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: sign a prenup. Right in many second marriages, you come
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: in with a house or a business, or children or assets,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: an expected inheritance, sign a prenup. It's no big deal.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Well for some it is.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Well maybe, I mean, I don't think it should be
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: a big deal. I think it's a big deal because
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: we make it a big deal. I think it's a
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: big deal because we give it emotional heft that maybe
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: it doesn't really deserve.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I agree, because you have to separate the emotion and
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: the fact that you know your two individuals. You each
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: have your own finances that you've either worked and or
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: going to inherit and respect that as an individual person.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I think that with men, I've experienced that there's a
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: lot of shame behind money and there's a lot of
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: and that's when the emotions maybe are not necessarily communicated
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: because that person may not know how or there's shame
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: period and they don't want to talk about it. So
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: like it does get emotional complicated.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, I mean, I'm certainly not gonna spend
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: after spending thirty years writing about money, I'm certainly not
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: gonna argue that fact.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: That's it's totally true. There is a lot of shame.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of you know, if you feel like
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: you have too little, there's shame. If you feel like
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: you have debt, there's shame. If you feel like there's
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: too much, there's guilt. Right, If you feel like you're
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: living in a way that you perhaps don't deserve to live,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: there's guilt. And all of these emotional forces fight themselves.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: But let me just come back to that debt thing
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: for a second, because it's important if you come into
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: a relationship to a marriage and you've got student loan debt,
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: or you've got a credit card that you owe money on,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: or a mortgage that you borrowed money on, that's your debt.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: That's not your spouse's debt money. If you get married
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: and you borrow money together, that's both of your debt.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: But you can and part of a prenup is keeping
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: your debts separate, so you don't want to co mingle.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: You don't want to start taking responsibility for each other's
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: debts because things get messy, and you want to understand
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: what that person's responsibilities are and how it might impact
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: your life. Because if somebody comes into a marriage or
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: a relationship and they've already got a boatload of debt,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: chances are they also have a not great credit score,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: and that's going to make the goal of buying a
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: place for the two of you to live harder. Right,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: That's that's just going to get in the way of
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: the life that you want to live. So you've got
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: to be honest about these things. But you don't have
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: to pay his credit card bills.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, good to know. Good to know, especially for those
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: that are maybe in a similar you know or wise
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: in a similar situation. But how about if let's say
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: your house is about to be for club, right, how
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: about that and then you marry into that like that,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: does that not fall into your lap whatsoever? But what
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: if there's no prenup, it's not your debt still, no
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: matter what. Okay, unless you are on the deed of
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that house, got it.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: If it's if it's your partner's house, it's it's not
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: your debt.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Now is that in the state, in the whole country
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: or is that just specific too because it's.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Your state there state by state laws and in community
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: property states. It does get a little squishy. But as
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: far as I understand it, and I am not a lawyer,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: but I have done this for a long time. Yeah,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: it's not your debt. Where where it gets messy is
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: if you are married to somebody and you're living in
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: this house and that house gets foreclosed on whether or
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: not you're legally responsible to kick in some money to
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: pay for that house. You're going to kick in some
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: money to pay for that house, right, yeah, because because
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: of course that's that's what you're to do. You're gonna
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: look at your life in many cases and you're gonna say,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: I've got some money, let me, let me do this.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: And unless you then really paper it up, you have
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: co mingled these assets, and that money of yours has
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: just gone into that house of his. It's kind of
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: like I've gotten letters from from some of my readers
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: that at her Money, which is my company, my blog,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and I've gotten letters basically saying, I'm moving in with
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: my boyfriend to this house that he owns. He wants
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: me to pay rent? Is that fair? Right? And the
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: rent could be going to build equity for your boyfriend.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You're not married.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: He owns that house, You don't own that house, So
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: it gets real fast.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: What do you think it depends?
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I think it depends on how much rent?
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Is it fair for you to pay money to live someplace? Absolutely?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Now, if he's renting, it's fine, I believe it's okay. Yeah,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I got it. Maybe, But if you own the home,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: that's if he owns the.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Home, yeah, I think maybe. I think you know, you've
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: got to figure some way to.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Contribute, right for sure. Now as far as just women
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: in general, right, like, what can they do. Let's say
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: they've been in a long marriage and when they got married,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: they got married young. And maybe I'm just being gender
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: specific right now, but it could obviously work the other way.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: As well, but the man was supporting the relationship and
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: then they decide to separate. I mean, how important is
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: it for people, not just women, to be financial literate.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: It's incredibly important and it's really Look, you have to
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: come out of a relationship with a sense of what
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: are you earning? What do you own at this point?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Like what did you what assets did you come away with?
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Do you have a house, do you have a retirement account,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: do you have cash in the bank, and what do
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: you owe? What are your debts, what are your obligations
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: going forward? And from there you can set up a
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: budget that is sustainable. You can you can look at
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: your roadmap and you can say, all right, here are
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: the things that I have to do going forward. And
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: if you don't know how to do those things, it
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: gets really complicated. I think that many people need the
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: help of a financial advisor coming out of a divorce
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: to just get them on the right track. Make sure
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: sure that they do. You're sort of doing a level
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: set right, you still have goals. When I got divorced,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I had a job, right, I had some assets. I
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: bought a house, not the house that I lived in
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: with my ex husband, but I bought a new house,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: but I had responsibilities. I was paying for half of college,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: which was going to hit us about ten years down
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: the road. I was. I had taken a big step
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: back when it came to retirement, and I had to
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: make sure that I was going to catch up so
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: that I could so that I could have choices when
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: it came to retiring when I wanted how I wanted.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I had this new house that I not only bought
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: but then put a lot of money into to renovate
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: because I wanted it to be what I wanted it
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: to be, and I wanted to pay that house off
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: before I got to retirement. So I had these goals
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: and I had to make sure that I was on
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: a path to meet those goals. That's what a plan does.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: That's like, so how do you budget for people that
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: may not know it's overwhelming? You know it is.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: It's overwhelming. You look at my favorite way to budget,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: and I have a budgeting coaching class called Finance Fix. Yeah,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: and we get it online. We spell fix with two x's,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: and we get a ton of women who are just
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: going through a divorce or thinking about a divorce because
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: they want to understand this very very question, So I
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: budget backwards because I don't. I think that's the best
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: way to do it. We use technology to help you
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: look at where your money is going today, what are
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: you spending on in a whole bunch of different categories.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: And once you see where your money is going right now,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: then you can start making changes about where you want
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: your money to go in order to spend a little less,
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: save a little more, pay down some debts. So always,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: always we see people who are discovering a hopic a
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: ha moment that they are spending too much on food.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Food is just you know, it's eating out, it take
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: its Yeah, it's exactly.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: It's that retail therapy kills me every time. Yeah, that's help.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: No, it does help. We can talk about that. It
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: helps a little.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: It's another numbing device. Yes, that's a whole other episode.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: It is so you know, we we look at the
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Postmates bill and we say, do you think do you
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: think maybe you could.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Go to Starbucks instead of didn't? I think it delivered.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just speaking from personal experience.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: There you go that and how much and that would
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: say fifty percent right there?
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Yeah.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: So these are the kinds of changes that we.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: That we make along the way. Got it? Now do
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you believe couples should have I would say married or
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: even serious It is not to be married, but joint accounts.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I'm a fan of joint and separate, So I think
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: it's easier and a little more romantic to have like
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: something joined. I don't want to be out in a
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: restaurant and worried about who's going to put their credit
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: card down, right, I just I kind of hate that.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: So let's have a joint credit card so that we
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: just pay for dinner on that, but then we fund
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: a joint bank account with the money that we need
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: to pay for the household expenses, and whatever's left is
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: mine or my husband's. I put more into the joint
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: account than he does because I make more than he does.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I was just gonna ask that, like, is that how like?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Is that something that you resent though later down the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: road or No?
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I don't. I'm fine with it, I think, but that's
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: something you have to look at if you're gonna if
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: you're gonna resent it, then you shouldn't do it. You
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: should come up with the system that you're not going
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: to resent, or you.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Match the person who makes the most money matches whatever
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: your partner puts in that month or whatever exactly.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: So I think it works. You know, we talk about
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: fair and equal. I think it's fairst if you put
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: in an amount of money that by percentages, like whatever
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: percentage you earn more than him, you put that much
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: more into the joint account. But it gets complicated. Let's
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: say you've got a couple where one parent is staying
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: home with kids. They may not be earning money outside
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: the house, but they get to have their own money too,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: and that has to get funded out of the account
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: of the stuffs that does earn money, right, because everybody
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: needs autonomy. You know, I don't want to answer for
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: my retail therapy. I you know, I don't. I don't
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: want to. I I go out and I buy a bag.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I don't have to ask, like you're a kid, like yeah, no,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: too parental, And that's when resentment I think built. It's
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: just that this is why communication is vital, right, Like
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: it always goes back to this, like the transparency, at
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: least for me. I just feel like, you know, when
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I was married, there was just that piece that was
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: like a very important piece, but it was like depending
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: on the way you were raised, How were your parents
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: with their money, Like, what did they show you? How
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: did they deal with their money? Did they invest or
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: were they not? Like you know, and it's it really
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: it's generational too, and there's so much there's emotion, but
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: then it's hard to separate. Like I come from my mother,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: who is a very uh she was She grew up
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: in poverty in the Philippines, and then she divorced my
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: father when I was two and she made a freaking
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: like empire, like completely devoted her life to her business.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Now with that, because I was she was a single
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: parent raising me. She was able to put food on
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: the table, she was able to support my dancing career.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: She was able to do so much, and I'm so
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: grateful for that. But then that also required her being
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: at her company all hours of the day and night,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and then me being raised by you know, babysitters, which
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: wasn't always a great experience. Now, look, I wouldn't be
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: here today if it wasn't for her support. But like,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I am definitely raised by somebody who's very good with
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: her money and went from rags to riches. Now, you know,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: it could be the opposite with a partner, you know,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: and you kind of have to have that aha moment
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: or that person does in order to be able to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: talk about it. It's like a whole thing.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: It's a whole thing, and it's been We call it
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: your money story. This is your money story. It is
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: it's multi many chapters, it's a big book. It's Harry Potter, right,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: and we we have to understand our own money story,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: which we often don't, and we have to understand our
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: partner's money story in order to sort of get the
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: friction out of the relationship and understand, you know, what
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: you're dealing with in your money story. And you get this,
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: you just you you seem to innately understand this, but
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: it's it's not what you were taught. It's what you felt.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: It's it's the whispers that you heard and the tension
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: in the house. And I am sure that when you're mom.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Saving picking up pennies on the sidewalk, like.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Come on right, well, and she probably continued to do
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: that when when she made a fortune, made a boatload, right,
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: and that that impacted you because you probably felt as
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: if you had no money when in reality you had
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: a ton.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: My sister was impact like she definitely is more like
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: a penny pincher. I am the I went the complete opposite. Yeah,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: but I'm still I'm still aware of it, but I
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: went to complete I'm like, you know, what, what are
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: we gonna do at We're gonna get you know, we're
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: all gonna die, and people are not going to talk
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: hopefully about how much money you've made, Like you know,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: it's just we live this life now, in this present moment,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: and when you're so like, but that's just the way
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: she was raised, and I have to respect that, you.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Know, yeah, yeah, but you add a partner to it
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, oh, it's explosive.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Explosive many therapy sessions. But so why do you believe
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: it's so much easier to talk about sex so openly,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: yet when it comes to money, it's like a uh no, no, no, no,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: we don't go there.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I think because we had the sixties. I like, the
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: sixties was like all about talking about sex, right, so
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: our parents in the sixties learned to talk about sex,
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: and hopefully they talked like my I you know, they
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: they were more free around sex than money, and why not?
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I wish they mine was, But she's also Filipino, so
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: like that, very Catholic.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think I think we went through the
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: whole birth control and the pill and the you know,
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: burn your bra.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: And wait, why what's that?
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Well, you know in the sixties people women were burning
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: their bras nobody. Yeah, yes, why I mean because they
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: didn't want to wear them.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Oh just don't, no need to burn them, just don't.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Wear them, right, So there you go. But they were
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: making a statement and we didn't really have that with money.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, what's changing, is what I mean. It's interesting.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: So my kids are much more willing and able to
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: talk about money with their friends than I ever was
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: at their age. They're in their late twenties early thirties,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: and they they know how much their friends make.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: They talk about things.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and a lot of gen Z sort of very
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: young millennials are right there, which I think is great.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I think that's great. But you also raised you obviously
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: raised them well because.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: You know, I have one spender and one saver. Really interesting,
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: interesting like me and my sister. Yeah, yeah, interesting. I
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: think it's like a rebel thing. It's kind of like,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to live like that,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Like so.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Tight, Like it's just really but then I see the
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: other side too, you know, so interesting, this is so helpful.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: What are the first steps to educating yourself on whether
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: you put money into a retirement versus stocks and bonds? Like,
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: how do you suggest somebody does this.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: So they're not in either or a retirement or stocks
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: and bonds? But can we just let's just sort of
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: take a step back. I think that when it comes
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: down to it, money is a series of habits that
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: you repeat over and over and over again. And we're
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: really lucky that we have technology that can help us
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: start to participate in things like investing before we know
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: everything there is to know and before we have all
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: the answers. My five thing, five habits, five things you
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: have to do in order to live a good thing
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: to life. You have to earn a decent living, right,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: what's that mean? Decent is comfortable? You have to earn
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: a comfortable living. We know that having you know, huge
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: amounts of money, much more money than you need to
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: pay for your life to go on vacation every once
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: in a while, to put a roof over your head.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: The happiness is really just incremental. It's not going to
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: buy you much more happiness. So you have to earn
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: enough to maintain that comfortable lifestyle right enough to not worry.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: It's a good way to put it.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Food shelter, Yeah, than necessities.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: You have to spend less than you make. That's the
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: second one, and that's where a lot of people get stuck.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: And if you get stuck there, you can't do any
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: of the others.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Correct because you don't want to have debt.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: It's like this, people, Well, debt is a thing too,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: and I'm not really talking about a mortgage or a
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: car loan. I'm talking about credit card debt. Debt is
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: the thing that makes us the most unhappy. It's the
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: thing that stresses us out the most. So, yes, we
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: don't want debt.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: But also the worry. Like some people, it's a belief system, right,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: It's like that constant worry, you almost manifest it.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there are some people who believe in having debt.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: You know that you should bar Yeah, there are some
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: people who believe that leverage is good. And no, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: don't believe that. I believe in I believe that there
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: is good debt and bad debt, you know, like a
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: mortgage or a student loan or investment car that gets
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: us yes, yes, but but credit card debt.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: No, no. And I don't think a car is a
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: good investment unless if it's like an old antique car
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: that you can go like and sell eventually.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Well, you need to get back and forth to work, right,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: So if you lease it, you you you could lease
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: it the best way that the best way to own
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: a car is to buy a car used and drive
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: it into the ground.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, got it.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, So if you're you know, maybe you want to
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: be the most cost effective, if you have to have
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: a new car, or you know you're going to get
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: a new car every three years, then you should lease.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: That's what I do. That's what my mom taught me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: At least then you should lease.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: And your mom ran it through her business, by the way,
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: and you may be running it through your business. So
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: so there.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: You go, great, love it.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: The third thing is you have to take the money
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: that you're not spending and invest it so that it
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: is growing for you.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: You have to save some for emergencies and then you
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: have to invest the rest. And we can talk about
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: that in terms of what goes in a retirement account
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: and what doesn't. There's a percentage right, there's there are
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: caps on what you can put in your retirement account.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: But you that's that's the third thing you have to do.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: The fourth thing you have to do is protect this
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: whole world, which means having insurance right and having a
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: basic estate plan, a will right, and a power of
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: attorney so that somebody could handle your money right. And
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: then my fit thing is you got to find some
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: way to give back because that is a happiness booster.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: So when it comes to investing your money, we invest
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: the next dollar based on where we get the biggest
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: bang for the buck. So if you are if you
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: are working for a company that has a retirement plan
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: like a four to oh one K, and you get
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: matching dollars, then you want to put money in that
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: four oh one K first because those matching dollars are
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: like free money. Once you've done that, you look at
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: other accounts with tax advantages, like iras and health savings
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: accounts and college savings accounts, and once you've satisfied those,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: then you look at just plainal brokerage accounts. But these
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: are all just buckets, and into those buckets you put investments.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: You buy stocks, and bonds, and they live in those
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: buckets stocks and other mutual funds. Yep. Money markets are.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Money markets are a type of mutual.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Fund safer maybe than stocks and bonds. They're safer, especially
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: if you're not dealing with a lot of money, right, Like,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: if you're not dealing with tons of money, that you
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: can just gamble, because it's a gamble if you're doing stocks.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: Is not really so if we look historically at at
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: the returns of the stock market, they since the since
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: the Dow was invented, since the inception of the Dow, yeah,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: and since the S and P five hundred was invented,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: they've returned about eight or nine percent every single year
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: on average.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, and it's been pretty consistent.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Well it's been like this, not so consistent. But what
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: that means is that if you've got a long time
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: to invest your money, ten plus years, you put your
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: money in a diversified S and P five hundred fund
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: or a diversified total stock market fund, and you just
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: keep adding to it. Every time you get paid, you
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: buy more. And even though the market goes like this,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: over time, the market goes up. Right, So even though
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: you have some ups and downs in the middle, the
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: historical trend is going to be up, and that's how
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: your money compounds, and that's how it makes more money
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: for you. And when you are younger and you have
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: more time until you need to use the money, then
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: you put more of it in stocks. And when you're
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: older and you have less time until you need to
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: use the money, you put more of it in safer
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: places like bonds and like money markets. If you have
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: other goals, shorter term goals, things you need to get to,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Like you want to buy a house, and you want
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: to buy a house in five years, you don't put
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: your down payment in stocks. You put your down payment
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: money market.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Right, yes, yes, yeah, that's what I'm currently doing. There
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you go, you buying a house. Well, yeah, I live
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: in California, you know, so it's like right now, it's
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: just not the best time, but it will be.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Sorry, are you okay?
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I am, because I don't live in the LA I
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: do live like a couple hours away from LA So
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I'm fine. But man, I used to I had a
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: home that I owned in the Hollywood Hills for sixteen
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: years and they all got it back. I mean, it's
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: it's just horrible. But thank you for asking. I'm okay, sure,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: but that has changed the real state. I was actually
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: looking for homes in Pacific Palisades that week that it
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: all happened, So yeah, it's devastating, awful. Last question before
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I let you go here, how much money do you
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: believe a single woman should have in her savings account?
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I guess at a given time, whether it maybe in
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: her forties or thirties.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: So you said saving account, savings accounts, so not in
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: her investments, in your cash account, your emergency account. I
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: think single people should have six months worth of fixed
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: expenses in an emergency account. If you're if you're part
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: of a couple, it can be a little less. It
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: can be three months. And that's because if one person
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: loses their job, they have the other person's income to.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Fall back on. Got it. And as far as hiring
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: business managers finance advisors, what is your suggestion?
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Trust? But verify is my recommendation, right, So get recommendations
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: from people that you know who use these people. On
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: top of it, state, yes, do not take your eyes
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: off the ball. Look, you have to look at all
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: the statements, even if you've got somebody managing it. For you,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: but but make sure that you interview several people, make
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: sure their credentials are up to date, make sure you
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: check references when you talk to them. Make sure that
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: you're in line with what they think you should be
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: doing with your money and what you think you should
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: be doing with your money.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Important. Yeah, you don't want to go in there like
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: not educated about your finances, because that's when people start
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: to take advantage of you.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Right, And if you feel like I just can't talk
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: to this person, then just leave, you know, run in
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: the other direction, because they're not They could be a
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: great advisor, they could be brilliant financially, but they're not
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: brilliant for you because you're not going to be able
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: to communicate with them.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Because I mean it is emotional a little bit, right
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: there is that huge You could be great with numbers,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: but if I can't speak to you and you're not
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: speaking the same language, because that's also a thing that
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I've run into, is that you're speaking like a completely
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: different langue. But you're gonna have to bring it down
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: to like maybe an eighth grader, or.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Just explain it to me in English rural, right, just
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: explain it to me and if they can't do that,
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not working with them.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Or if they get impatient, done like done done.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like lawyers too, same thing. I'm like, you
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: got your speaking Shakespeare like I can't understand you. But yeah,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: communication is key in every relationship. Thank you so much.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: This was so helpful. Where can people find your online
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: course because I would love to take it?
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Oh well, we would love to have you.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: You can find our budgeting course at financefix dot com
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: with two x's and our investing club for women and
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: you should come, Cheryl, because we near buying individual stocks.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: We're like learning about the market. It's every other Monday
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: night on zoom. I teach it with Karen Feinerman from
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: CNBC and you can find that an Investingfix dot com.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Again to I'll seriously look into it because I would
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: love to just you know, it's never too late to
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: get more of a grip. I do have a grip,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: but I would like to have more of a group.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got five hundred women investing together.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Oh wow. And then is it just online like you
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: can take it out your own time or if.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: We tape all the classes, but we do do them
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: live every Monday at eight pm. Every other Monday, eight
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: pm on the East Coast.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: All right, cool, I'll look into it for sure. Thank
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: you again, thank you bye. Thanks to Jane for joining
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: me today. And I just love talking about money because
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: it's just so uncomfortable. But single women out there really
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: do need this information and you're never it's never enough,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: you know, you always want to be educated for sure
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: when it comes to your finances. Are you divorced or
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: newly single? Maybe you need advice on how to navigate
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: this next chapter in your life. Call us or email us,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: follow us on socials. All the information will be in
• 33:55
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• 33:58
  Speaker 1: the podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.