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Why do narcissists always think you want to leave them for someone else? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why every time you leave a
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  narcissist, they automatically think you have someone else
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  almost every time. Yeah, close to every time.
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  If you're new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And we'll go to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. So, yes, folks.
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  Yep, Yep, Yep. This happens consistently.
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  This is a constant when you're dealing with narcissists and
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  other toxic people of how whenever you decide to leave,
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  right? Whenever you decided that you
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  had enough, whenever you decided that you want to end the
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  relationship, they automatically, automatically
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  assume that you have someone else like Lee.
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  Why is that? Like, why can't we why can't
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  they just accept the fact that we want to end a relationship?
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  That why can't they just accept the fact that they've been
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  treating us badly and we can't? We want to.
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  We we we want to be by ourselves.
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  We want to go our separate ways. We want to be amicable a lot of
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  the time. But why can't they just accept
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  the fact that they've been treating us bad and have that be
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  the reason that we want to leave?
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  Shame? That's the simplest thing of
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  it's always shame. They automatically, because me
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  as a narcissist saying just, hey, look, I know I've been
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  treating you badly, I apologize, I'm sorry.
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  Whatever. Me saying it out loud makes me
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  feel shameful or me thinking it makes me feel ashamed.
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  So I don't want to admit that accountability means shame for
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  narcissists. That's just a fact.
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  The more accountability that I have to face, the more shame
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  that I have to face. And I don't want to deal with
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  shame. I don't want to face shame at
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  all, you know, I really don't want to deal with shame or face
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  shame at all. So that's what I have going on,
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  you know? So that's where my mind goes.
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  My mind automatically goes to how do I get rid of shame,
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  right, And it But like I said before, in a lot of videos, the
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  more you try to avoid shame, the more you actually let it into
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  your life, the more you actually let it creep into your life.
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  Because shame is real. Y'all.
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  Like, you know, most people face shame, but narcissists don't
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  handle it well. Narcissists don't handle shame
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  well at all, right? Because that happens quite a
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  bit, because that's part of the dynamic, that's part of the
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  process that so many narcissists and toxic people face.
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  So that's why I tell people if you're dealing with a toxic,
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  narcissistic person, the first thought, the easiest way for
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  them to avoid accountability is to say, hey, you must have
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  someone else. There's another reason to I'm
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  going to discuss later, but the first reason is because it helps
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  them avoid shame. It helps them avoid
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  accountability. You must be cheating on me.
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  You must have someone else, because that's the only rational
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  reason in my mind, because I haven't done anything wrong.
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  That's the only reason that you will leave me is because you
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  have someone else, right? That's where it goes.
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  Like the only reason you could possibly leave me is because you
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  have someone else like you must have like you, and they, Some of
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  them obsess over it. Some of them will obsess over.
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  Some of them will become super stalkerish.
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  Some of them can become dangerous.
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  You know, I did a video very recently about should you tell a
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  narcissist that you're leaving? And I tell people just like, it
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  depends. I always choose safety first
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  because you never know how people will react, no how, no
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  matter how long you've been with this person, they're not going
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  to do anything. They're softy.
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  They're soft, They're passive. Yeah, people become can become
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  active. You know, they're super passive
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  aggressive. They're quiet.
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  People can become active, aggressive if you if they feel
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  like their life is being upended, especially if they
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  think you're leaving them for someone else.
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  And that's the crazy part about it.
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  Biz right there. Y'all, y'all.
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  Remember I said they try to avoid shame, but to rationalize
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  the thought that you want somebody else above them
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  actually brings in more shame. You see how it works right there
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  for me to try to avoid accountability like there's
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  nothing I'm doing wrong, You must have someone else.
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  It's still also shameful, the fact that I think you have
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  someone else and you might be interested.
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  Let's be real, some of y'all might actually be interested,
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  Interested in someone else. Y'all might be ready to pursue
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  someone else, like you might not be cheating on the narcissist,
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  or you might be cheating on them.
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  So it could be true. But a lot of times it's the
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  paranoia that kicks in that makes them think just like you
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  must have someone else. And again, it opens up the door
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  for them to feel more shame. That opens up the door for them
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  to just have to process more shame and more stuff like that.
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  And they will obsess over it. They'll start becoming, like I
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  said, they'll go through your phone records.
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  They'll demand this of your phone.
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  They'll they'll be following you.
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  I've heard of narcissistic people after, you know, you
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  break up with them or tell them that you want to break up with
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  them. They're high.
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  They hire private investigators to follow you if they don't have
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  time to follow you themselves or stalk you themselves, or reach
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  outreach out to your friends and family to try to get more
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  information about your whereabouts.
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  Some of them will actually hire private investigators to do the
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  job for them because they become obsessed.
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  Because yeah, it would make them feel better.
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  It would, it would justify their if you had somebody else, it
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  would. It would justify their mindset.
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  But it would also bring in that shame.
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  They would bring in way more shame.
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  You know, they were bringing way more shame.
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  If you actually had somebody else or they discovered that you
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  had somebody else, the same floodgates would flow open and
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  they could absolutely, absolutely have a psychotic
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  break. That could be the defining
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  factor that pushes them over the edge, right?
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  That absolutely could. So you're doing a lot of this in
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  space and a lot of this stuff in, you know, in retrospect,
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  that helps. It could affect narcissistic
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  people. It really could affect them in a
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  in a different way. It absolutely could.
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  That's why I tell people, if you're dealing with narcissists,
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  if you're dealing with toxic people, that's kind of the route
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  that you face. That's kind of the dynamic that
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  you face. That's kind of the challenge
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  that you might end up facing. Right there is dealing with them
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  in this space, And I'm going to say this as well, Y'all the
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  other reason that they think that you might have someone
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  else. The other main reason do they
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  think you might have someone else?
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  That you have to have someone else to be leaving them is
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  because that's how their minds works.
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  Like I would leave you if IA lot of times the only time a
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  narcissist will leave you is if they already have a new supply
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  lined up, right? So they're putting their mindset
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  on to you. The only reason I would leave
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  you is if I had someone else. So you must have someone else.
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  So we must. You must think the same way that
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  I think you must have the same experiences that I do.
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  So you must be have someone else.
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  There must be another supply. You must have somebody that you
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  think is better than me, you know, because I would be looking
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  for your replacement. It makes sense to me that you
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  have someone else because it I would have a new supply to be
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  leaving you. You know, I would have a new
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  supply to be leaving you. So I'm applying my same mindset
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  to how my mind work. My my, my mind, my mind works
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  towards you because that's how I would go, my son out there doing
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  pretty good at baseball practice.
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  Yeah. So I'm watching it, but yeah,
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  that's how it goes. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person, that's typically the mindset
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  that's going to, that's going to go to kind of going to go into
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  them is that I I lie, I cheat. So you must also be lying and
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  cheating. You must also be a liar and you
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  must also be cheating. And you must also already have a
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  backup plan to get rid of me with you.
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  See, that's exactly where the mind goes.
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  It doesn't mean it doesn't make it true.
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  Y'all that you have someone else like you could.
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  You could. Let's keep it real.
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  You could have someone else. You could be.
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  You could eventually want to be with somebody else because you
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  know you. You could be happy being by
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  yourself. You could just want to be by
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  yourself. And of course, eventually you
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  might want to get back out there and try to find somebody else.
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  That's cool, OK? You know you want to be happy
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  and that's cool. You it's OK to choose happiness,
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  but they think. But narcissistic people feel
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  like our happiness is based on other people being in our lives,
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  our access to other people, our access to getting a new supply
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  right. So if we like, I said so we
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  think you feel the same way, the only way you can be happy is to
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  have someone else right. You can't be happy by yourself
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  because I'm not happy by myself. So the mindset applies.
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  It's kind of like the mindset dynamic applies to you as well.
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  You must think, You must, you must think the exact same way
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  that I think, because this is the only thing that makes sense
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  to me. This is the only thing that
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  makes this is the only thing that I can use.
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  I can't say out loud that makes sense to me within a lot of
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  these spaces, within a lot of these dynamics.
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  So that's why I'm just telling people, I tell people this to
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  people all the time like this is, you know, so choose, This is
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  the way you have to choose it to go, you know.
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  But of course, y'all. That's why I tell people you
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  have to be careful when you want to tell them that you're leaving
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  and how you tell them that you're leaving.
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  You know, do it in the public space, have friends and family
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  involved, have a plan of action in order because you just never
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  know how these people are going to react to you actually leaving
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  them. I want y'all to be safe as
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  possible. You just never know how to go on
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  to react. So they automate.
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  Like I said, they think that you have someone else so they could
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  go crazy and lose their damn minds.
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  You know, and I'll say this as well, that when you tell them
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  that you want to leave, you want to end the relationship.
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  Some of them might not take you seriously, you know, they think
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  you playing, but some of them will take you seriously and
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  switch on the love, you know, you telling.
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  Be prepared for this because when you tell them that you're
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  going to leave them, they of course think you're going to be
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  with somebody else. So they're going to try to
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  switch on the love. They're going to show you the
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  person that you fell in love with.
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  They're going to start doing all of them, but they're going most
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  of them. A lot of them will start doing
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  things to make you happy. A lot of them will start to show
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  you that. A lot of them will start to show
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  you that they can make you happy.
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  A lot of them will start to say things to make you happy.
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  A lot of them will start to say and do things that they know
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  will make you happy. They'll turn on the they'll turn
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  up the they'll turn up to, like the little knob, the dimmer
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  switch, you know, the dimmer switch in your house to turn the
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  lights on and off. You know they'll turn the knob,
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  they'll turn the love dimmer switch up.
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  You know, they'll say everything that you want to hear.
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  Just be prepared for that. Yeah, you have.
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  Yeah, you have to be prepared for that.
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  You have to be prepared for them to make promises and say the
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  things that you want to hear and do the things that you want them
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  that you have been wanting them to be doing for years.
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  You have to be prepared for that.
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  Why wouldn't you be prepared for that?
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  You know? But once you make a decision to
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  leave, you have to stand on it. Or they're going to keep doing
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  the same thing, same things, over and over again.
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  They teach you to come back. You know, they're going to do
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  the same behaviors again and again and again.
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  They get you to come back because it worked before.
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  Why wouldn't it work again? If this has worked before, why
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  wouldn't it work again, right? That's the mindset.
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  If this works, if this consistently works for me, I'm
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  going to consistently do the same thing over and over and
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  over again. I just am.
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  That's how it works. You have to be prepared for
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  that. You have to stand on business,
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  as the young folks say today. You have to be prepared to stand
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  on business because that's how it works.
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  You make a decision, you stand on it and be unwavering unless
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  they some consistent change behavior.
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  But consistent change behavior takes time.
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  How much time do you got? You already gave them ten years.
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  How many more time are you willing to give them?
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  Do you have them 15 years? How much time are you willing to
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  give them? And don't let them use time
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  against you as well, because a lot of narcissists will use the
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  time against you. While we've been together for 15
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  years, you can't give me an extra few months to change.
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  Don't let them use your time against you.
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  Y'all. Just be prepared, you know.
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  Be prepared. Be prepared to pivot, protect
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  your peace. Always have a plan in order,
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  especially if you have kids, a property of money involved.
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  Whatever it is, be prepared because like I said, the thought
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  of you being with somebody else could drive them over the edge,
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  could make them have a psychotic break and lose their damn minds.
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  But regardless, y'all stay empowered.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel.
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  And of course, of course it's of course mental illness is out
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  peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
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  star and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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• 12:20
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• 12:22
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.