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Unscripted Joy with Marni Battista: Live with The Joy Jolt · The Joy Jolt Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Joy Jolt.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Joy Jolt everyone.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: My name is Natalie Ledwell.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm Susan Patrick.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: And we want to welcome our special guest this week is Marnie Batista.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: How are you, darling?
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SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy to be here for Jolt of Joy.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: So excited.
0:19
so Marnie is a really good friend of mine we've known each
0:22
other for many many
0:23
years many years and different you know iterations of our our
0:27
businesses and so
0:28
forth she is here on Substack you can find her um at at Marnie
0:33
Batista and her
0:35
newsletter is called Unscripted Screw the Should Life Screw it
0:39
Screw it I love it
0:41
when I first heard this I was like Marnie you and I are going
0:44
to be friends you
0:45
SPEAKER_00: just like
0:48
and I love because you are talking about not just shooting and
0:52
what we should be
0:53
doing and you know what's expected of us but I mean what is
0:55
expected of these these
0:56
days I think the rules have been completely thrown out the
0:58
window there is you know
1:00
I was on a zoom call the other day and this a friend of mine
1:05
Sean Smith who's you
1:06
know you know Susan he's like it's like we were living on earth
1:10
but now we're
1:11
SPEAKER_01: living on the moon
1:12
SPEAKER_01: and we keep bitching because, you know, we were good earthlings.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: He goes, but why don't we just become good moonlings?
1:18
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we just have to focus on that.
1:19
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: So what do you think the should life is, Marnie?
1:27
SPEAKER_01: What do you think it is that we should be avoiding at all costs?
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: What should you not have?
1:35
SPEAKER_02: What should we do?
1:37
SPEAKER_02: Does two shoulds make a positive?
1:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
1:40
SPEAKER_02: I can't.
1:41
SPEAKER_02: I believe that when, well, here's what I think.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to just go right into it.
1:46
I was just leading a retreat and we were talking about the
1:48
shoulds and a lot of
1:49
SPEAKER_02: people here on Substack and we do the work,
1:52
SPEAKER_02: we have the t-shirt,
1:53
SPEAKER_02: we read the book,
1:54
we listen to the podcast and we know the shoulds that are top
2:01
line and sometimes we
2:02
SPEAKER_02: do them and sometimes we don't.
2:04
SPEAKER_02: But I want to talk about what I call the sneaky, sneakiest should.
2:10
SPEAKER_02: Those are the ones that are the real root cause of your shoulds.
2:15
They're like the contract and agreements you make with yourself
2:19
that come from the
2:20
SPEAKER_02: part of you that's trying to protect you.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: And the smarter you are,
2:26
the sneakier your shoulds come to where you don't even
2:30
recognize that they are
2:32
SPEAKER_02: shoulds.
2:34
SPEAKER_02: And so I really want people to start thinking about what are the
2:40
SPEAKER_02: Things they're avoiding that their shoulds are the cover up for.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: The things that they're avoiding that their shoulds cover up for.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: Give me an example of that.
2:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I should speak up more at work, right?
2:59
SPEAKER_02: But it's really covering up.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm afraid I'm going to get rejected or make a mistake.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: Right.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: So our shoulds are kind of our armor.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: Is that what you're saying?
3:10
SPEAKER_00: They're kind of protecting us?
3:11
They're protecting us from taking a look inside and really
3:17
working through the part
3:20
SPEAKER_02: of us that wants to be really expressed on the moon,
3:24
SPEAKER_02: like in the new version of ourselves.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: And it's really hard to become a moonling when,
3:32
SPEAKER_02: as you said,
3:33
like we're so consumed by the path that we were following and
3:39
what it was supposed
3:40
SPEAKER_02: to look like and we're not happy.
3:42
SPEAKER_02: And so then what?
3:43
SPEAKER_02: Because we're still trying to find the rules in the next chapter.
3:48
and those are shoulds and they're just covering up like the
3:51
fear and who you really
3:52
are now because the life you want probably isn't the one that
3:57
you thought you
3:58
wanted when you were like 25 or 30 or 50 or any of those random
4:01
numbers I just feel
4:03
the joy the sucking of the should like it's sucking the fun
4:08
it's sucking the
4:09
curiosity it's sucking the playfulness it's sucking the you
4:13
know it just feels like
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SPEAKER_00: a real sucker a joy sucker
4:17
SPEAKER_02: It is.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: I always say,
4:20
SPEAKER_02: we're all letting things,
4:22
SPEAKER_02: I say this all the time,
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SPEAKER_02: so I'm so happy to be on this show,
4:25
SPEAKER_02: steal our joy.
4:30
We have control over what makes us feel peaceful and having fun
4:37
again in our lives
4:38
and all those things that if we could just be present to what's
4:44
possible from being
4:45
SPEAKER_02: in the discomfort,
4:49
it's amazing and when you're hanging on so tight it's so hard
4:54
to imagine what it
4:54
could be like without the should the shoulds make us feel safe
4:58
yeah and I think
4:59
SPEAKER_01: what you're also talking about I call those coping mechanisms
5:03
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
5:03
You know,
5:04
because,
5:05
and on the last podcast,
5:06
last week,
5:06
remember,
5:07
I made this comment.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: You were hanging on by a piece of cotton over,
5:10
SPEAKER_00: I remember that,
5:11
SPEAKER_00: it was a very vivid,
5:12
she said she was hanging on by a piece of cotton as she flew
5:15
over the Niagara
5:16
SPEAKER_01: Falls.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
5:18
SPEAKER_01: not that comment,
5:20
SPEAKER_01: but the other comment,
5:21
SPEAKER_01: another comment that I made was how I had,
5:24
SPEAKER_01: for the longest time,
5:25
SPEAKER_01: carefully constructed a life so that I didn't have to face
5:29
yes the stuff you know yeah that's it I mean that's really it
5:37
and what happens I
5:39
think to Natalie and Susan is that um we get adaptation fatigue
5:44
like all that
5:45
SPEAKER_02: coping is exhausting yeah um right it's so exhausting and it's like we're
5:51
SPEAKER_02: constantly like
5:53
SPEAKER_02: There's a guy at my gym.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: I don't know what he's training for,
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but he like stands on a balanced ball while he's like holding a
6:00
weight and juggling
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SPEAKER_02: a ball.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: I swear to God, I'm like, what are you doing?
6:03
SPEAKER_02: But when I look at him, I'm like, that's adaptation.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: He's like, it's graceful.
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SPEAKER_02: The way he does it is almost like Cirque du Soleil beautiful.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: But it's a lot, right?
6:16
SPEAKER_02: And that's what we're doing.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: We're doing all those things and we're making it look beautiful, right?
6:22
SPEAKER_02: But inside we're like, you know, we're not joyful.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: Well, that I think is huge, right?
6:28
SPEAKER_00: That sense of I can make it look a certain way, right?
6:31
SPEAKER_00: So people on the outside
6:33
would never suspect that what's going on in the inside and I
6:37
think that that's
6:38
really I think the gift of getting older is I finally just get
6:41
to look at my
6:42
insides you know the outsides the outsides are shifting they're
6:46
changing and that's
6:47
the gift of like now let me just am I am I is this the way I
6:51
want to feel for the
6:52
next 50 years yeah well I also think that if we haven't looked
6:57
at this or worked on
6:58
SPEAKER_01: any of this before midlife we can't avoid it now
7:03
SPEAKER_01: because our life isn't as busy.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: We're not being a mother.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: We're not being the wife.
7:07
There's not all these responsibilities and things that are
7:09
keeping us distracted
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SPEAKER_01: from what's actually going on.
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SPEAKER_01: And the other way that I know, Marnie, is from the Hoffman process.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: So for those of you who don't know anything about the Hoffman process,
7:24
to say that it's life-changing is an understatement and it
7:28
really delves very
7:31
SPEAKER_01: deeply into
7:32
um your childhood um and things that came up in relationships
7:36
and patterns and all
7:38
of that like it leaves no stone unturned you get to look at it
7:41
all it's thorough
7:43
it's thorough you get to yell at it all there is no avoiding in
7:47
that container no
7:49
exactly um but it is life-changing it's like a seven-day
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program that you come out
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of it and you just go oh my god like even going into it you
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know there's like 44
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SPEAKER_01: pages of pre-work
7:59
and you've got to tick all these boxes about the patterns that
8:01
you have around
8:02
money and relationships and family and all these different
8:05
things and then you tick
8:06
all the boxes for your mum's patterns and you tick all the
8:09
boxes for your dad's
8:10
patterns then you start to know there's a pattern yeah then
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you're like oh there's
8:13
a pattern well and I think that you grow up when you say you
8:16
know am I my pattern
8:18
or am I committed to a practice right and that sense of like
8:22
it's so much more fun
8:23
SPEAKER_00: to be in a practice but my god I think the shoulds
8:27
SPEAKER_00: protect the pattern.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Like the pattern itself doesn't want to die.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: No, that's what I was saying to these ladies.
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SPEAKER_02: I was like, nothing wants to die.
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SPEAKER_02: I mean, nothing wants to die, right?
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SPEAKER_02: So it's going to fight, fight, fight for survival.
8:41
I think it's really important to become hyper aware of the
8:46
sneaky justifications
8:49
SPEAKER_02: that we're using that are hijacking our dream that we are calling
8:56
SPEAKER_02: Practical, logical, responsible.
9:00
SPEAKER_02: And be curious.
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I always say,
9:03
question every assumption that you're making,
9:08
just for the hell of it.
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SPEAKER_02: Is that true?
9:13
SPEAKER_02: What if it weren't true?
9:16
SPEAKER_02: I love to watch that show, The Crown.
9:17
And a few years ago,
9:19
they had this episode and the queen has to make a big decision.
9:24
and she talks about there's three criteria she uses to question
9:29
her assumptions.
9:30
So I'm going to share them because I think they're really
9:32
amazing as it pertains to shoulds.
9:35
SPEAKER_02: Number one is do I need to do this now?
9:40
SPEAKER_02: Does it need to be done now?
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SPEAKER_02: Does it need to be done at all?
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SPEAKER_02: And do I need to be the one who does it?
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SPEAKER_00: That sounds like really smart.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: Right?
9:54
And so every time there's like a crisis or a decision that
9:58
needs to be made,
9:58
SPEAKER_02: they put it through these three filters.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: And I think that you get so focused on like, this is how it is.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: This is how you do it.
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SPEAKER_02: And so just pausing and just being like,
10:09
SPEAKER_02: okay,
10:09
SPEAKER_02: well,
10:10
SPEAKER_02: let's say I was coming in and I was neutral party.
10:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, you could ask for Claude just for fun.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: Do I really need to do this?
10:18
SPEAKER_02: Does it really need to be done now?
10:21
SPEAKER_02: Does it need to be done at all?
10:22
SPEAKER_02: Right?
10:24
So I love those little three questions as like quick takeaways
10:27
around like some of your should.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know what I love?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: It's curiosity.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why, but laughter is in my head.
10:35
And I think that might be a really good way of a litmus test of
10:40
are you in your shoulds?
10:42
Because I imagine when you're in your shoulds,
10:43
it's not a very jovial place.
10:46
right like you know so it's like are you easy to make laugh are
10:49
you having fun are
10:50
you feeling light so it's like how do I know when I'm sinking
10:53
into my shoulds
10:54
because they're sneaky right and so yeah I mean when when we
11:02
are in a place of
11:04
SPEAKER_02: creation that feels great you know like
11:09
SPEAKER_02: There's two kinds of fun.
11:10
There's fun fun like let's go to a party and then there's hard
11:14
fun like let's run a
11:16
SPEAKER_02: marathon,
11:17
SPEAKER_02: right?
11:18
But then there's the third thing that's like this feels off and
11:24
creating the pause
11:28
SPEAKER_02: which is so important to understand that a pause isn't stopping
11:38
SPEAKER_02: It's just the messy middle sometimes.
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SPEAKER_02: And so there's so much freedom.
11:43
I think that when you're in the old momentum of always being
11:48
busy and always being
11:49
SPEAKER_02: productive,
11:49
SPEAKER_02: like we think that if we pause it's bad,
11:52
SPEAKER_02: but I have really learned,
11:54
especially lately through doing a lot more yoga and things like
11:57
that to really go
11:58
SPEAKER_02: like,
11:59
SPEAKER_02: wait,
12:00
SPEAKER_02: this pause,
12:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm making it mean something,
12:02
SPEAKER_02: but all it really is,
12:03
SPEAKER_02: is I'm in the middle.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Right.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: And that's,
12:06
SPEAKER_02: we can feel safe in that if we just ask God,
12:09
SPEAKER_00: and we're the embodiment of the pause,
12:11
SPEAKER_00: right?
12:12
SPEAKER_00: I am in menopause.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's like just,
12:15
it's like life is really giving us that opportunity to indulge
12:20
in that practice,
12:21
SPEAKER_00: which is the pause.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:24
but it also is a place of choice like in the pause this is
12:28
where you get to go well
12:30
is this really serving me is this is really what I want right
12:33
now um if I wanted to
12:35
want to have something different what would that possibly look
12:37
like um yeah so it
12:39
gives you the opportunity to go well if I did want to do things
12:44
differently and I
12:45
SPEAKER_01: did want to be a moonling or whatever what could that be and I think
12:49
you know when you are in that space and you're thinking about
12:51
what that next
12:52
chapter is going to be you don't have to get too bogged down in
12:56
knowing exactly
12:57
SPEAKER_01: what it is you can think of the macro things
13:00
SPEAKER_01: You go, all right, obviously I want to have joy every day.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: I do want to be serving.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I want to make a difference.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: I want to be serving people.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what that looks like, but I want to do that.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: And I really only want to work, you know, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to work outside of those days.
13:15
But come up with the bigger things and the things that you
13:18
enjoy and then just,
13:19
SPEAKER_01: you know,
13:20
SPEAKER_01: in the pause,
13:21
SPEAKER_01: lean into that.
13:22
Because remember,
13:22
once you have an idea of where it is that you're going to,
13:27
You'll be surprised at how things will start to show up and
13:30
you'll just go,
13:30
SPEAKER_01: hmm,
13:31
SPEAKER_01: maybe I should fit that on for size.
13:33
And even if you start to go down a path that is not necessarily
13:38
a path that you end
13:39
SPEAKER_01: up on,
13:39
SPEAKER_01: it's going to lead you to the path anyway.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
13:42
Because you've taken that action and creating that momentum
13:45
moving forward.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
13:47
So the framework that I use to create someone's next chapter is
13:51
based on the design
13:52
SPEAKER_02: thinking model at Stanford University,
13:54
SPEAKER_02: which is like how products are created,
13:56
SPEAKER_02: right?
13:57
SPEAKER_02: And so if you look at like,
13:59
SPEAKER_02: the product I want is my dream life,
14:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't know what that looks like.
14:03
SPEAKER_02: And I'm the user of product, me, right?
14:06
SPEAKER_02: We go through those steps, then we can actually figure out like,
14:11
how can I start to toeing into my dream into that product by
14:17
taking these small
14:18
intentional steps by understanding the user I call it your soul
14:22
map right like if I
14:24
want to look at my soul and how many express that I'm like the
14:27
ways that you just
14:28
described Natalie what do I love to do how do I carry it out
14:32
best and what are my
14:33
core values and motivations and start designing that place so
14:37
it's really because
14:38
SPEAKER_02: nobody creates a product
14:43
SPEAKER_02: Even in the current landscape with AI, like you iterate.
14:47
SPEAKER_02: You have to, right?
14:48
SPEAKER_02: You're constantly iterating.
14:50
And I think that we're so afraid that we make the wrong
14:52
decision that we just do nothing.
14:55
What I love about design thinking and model and using this
14:59
approach to life design
15:00
SPEAKER_02: and next chapter creation is when you step into this place of iteration,
15:05
the actual process brings you joy rather than waiting for the
15:09
destination to feel
15:10
SPEAKER_02: joy.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: And that I think is something that is,
15:16
SPEAKER_00: it's taking ownership moment by moment that I deserve to feel good.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: I deserve to enjoy this process.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: I deserve to, you know, have all the juice.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: And I use a very simple mechanism.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: It's my thumb, you know, and I trust my thumb.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I'm like, does this feel good?
15:33
SPEAKER_00: No, this does not feel good.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: And I literally will, I'll literally say it out loud.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this does not feel good.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: And they'll be like, this really feels good.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: This is good.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: And becoming in tune with just that little piece.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: And I wonder if that would be a should knocker outer.
15:51
So it's like you're taking ownership of the energy instead of
15:54
locking into the
15:55
SPEAKER_00: should,
15:56
SPEAKER_00: which is,
15:57
SPEAKER_00: I think,
15:57
SPEAKER_00: deeply embedded in your patterns.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: I'm just playing with the shoulds What's crazy is when we do this kind of
16:07
questioning every assumption we make choices every single day
16:12
like a bazillion
16:13
SPEAKER_02: times a day and if you start to really dive into this the shoulds are
16:21
SPEAKER_02: like every moment to moment.
16:23
SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
16:25
SPEAKER_02: I should wear makeup.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: I should wear this outfit.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: I should allow this much time.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: I should have my glasses.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: I shouldn't have my glasses.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: Whatever it is, right?
16:36
SPEAKER_02: And so you just go, oh, wow, I've lost my power of choice.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: I think I'm choosing, but am I?
16:43
SPEAKER_00: Am I?
16:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: That's a fun one.
16:46
That's,
16:46
am I,
16:47
am I really choosing,
16:48
am I being my shoulds or am I really choosing my life?
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: No,
16:54
SPEAKER_01: I love what you say,
16:56
SPEAKER_01: you know,
16:57
SPEAKER_01: when we've,
16:58
SPEAKER_01: so Susan and I have known each other for a very long time as well.
17:01
SPEAKER_01: We've only ever had one rub.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: We've had one moment.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we had a rub.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: That didn't feel good.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: In all that time.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: And you know what, let's be honest, we were both hangry.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: We really were.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Very angry and we were at a Joe Dispenza workshop and people were really,
17:18
SPEAKER_01: it was a very stressful situation.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: But what I love is that you go,
17:22
SPEAKER_01: look,
17:23
SPEAKER_01: I deserve to feel good and you deserve to feel good,
17:26
SPEAKER_01: but this doesn't feel good.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: So how do we get back to that place where we can feel good?
17:32
SPEAKER_01: And it can be,
17:32
SPEAKER_01: even with the situation,
17:33
SPEAKER_01: it has to be with another person,
17:35
SPEAKER_01: but you go,
17:35
SPEAKER_01: look,
17:36
SPEAKER_01: this doesn't feel good.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: How do I shift this to feel better?
17:40
SPEAKER_01: And I think sometimes we do,
17:42
SPEAKER_01: and especially as women,
17:43
we get stuck up in the obligation or the perception of how we
17:47
think people are
17:48
SPEAKER_01: expecting us to show up in the moment.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Or we have to have an answer for whatever's going on,
17:53
SPEAKER_00: and so we don't say anything,
17:55
SPEAKER_00: and we just endure.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: the whatever is going on.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, we don't have to have the answer.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: We don't have the curiosity and giving yourself permission.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: I love all the questions that you've been asking.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: Everyone's just been asking questions.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: I think we could just get better at asking questions.
18:11
SPEAKER_02: Well, I think, yeah.
18:12
And I think the really key piece about this with not feeling
18:16
good is what truth are
18:20
SPEAKER_02: you negotiating with?
18:21
SPEAKER_02: Like, just spend time like negotiating with ourselves.
18:26
SPEAKER_02: back and forth about a lot of different truths trying to adapt,
18:33
SPEAKER_02: to cope,
18:34
SPEAKER_02: to rationalize,
18:35
SPEAKER_02: to justify.
18:38
SPEAKER_02: And that can take so much energy.
18:41
SPEAKER_02: That's a joy, Susan, joy sucker.
18:45
SPEAKER_02: It's the kick of joy.
18:49
SPEAKER_02: And so...
18:52
SPEAKER_01: Give us an example of that, Marnie.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Give me an example of what that looks like.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Negotiating with the truth?
18:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Like what kind of truth are we talking about?
19:01
SPEAKER_02: Well, here's just like a little example from my life this morning.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: So I'm dabbling.
19:06
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm not dabbling.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm writing fiction.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: I've never done it.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea what I'm doing.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Could you be doing that?
19:15
SPEAKER_02: And so anyway, I like deadlines and I like weekly stuff and
19:21
I realized like I am going on a holiday for my 60th birthday in
19:26
Europe and I want
19:28
to pause the agreement I have with my developmental editor and
19:32
I spent like
19:34
literally 30 minutes like trying to write this freaking email
19:38
to this guy right
19:39
about like how do I how do I talk about like what I need and
19:43
what do I really want
19:44
and I was like okay I'm just gonna tell him I don't want to see
19:47
him in July and
19:48
SPEAKER_02: then I was
19:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh God, what's he going to think?
19:51
SPEAKER_02: Like,
19:51
SPEAKER_02: am I excited about this whole thing talking about,
19:53
SPEAKER_02: like,
19:53
SPEAKER_02: I need weekly accountability and the payment,
19:56
SPEAKER_02: just everything.
19:57
SPEAKER_02: And I was like,
19:58
SPEAKER_02: okay,
19:58
I'm trying to negotiate with this truth that I want to have an
20:01
experience of not
20:02
SPEAKER_02: having anything over my head.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: And that felt so weird to me.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: Right?
20:09
And so I was just rewriting the email over and over and over
20:13
again instead of just
20:14
SPEAKER_02: asking for what I wanted.
20:15
SPEAKER_02: What you wanted.
20:16
Not sharing what he thinks or what it looks like or worrying if
20:20
it's going to set
20:21
SPEAKER_02: me off my schedule.
20:22
So I'm just sharing that with you because that was like,
20:26
and I was watching myself.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: I was looking at the time.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: It was like 7 in the morning.
20:30
SPEAKER_02: I was like, it's 7.27.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: Literally, what the hell am I doing?
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: Did you just end up asking for what you wanted?
20:38
SPEAKER_00: I did.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, literally all good.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: He was like, that sounds great.
20:46
SPEAKER_02: Let's try and do this before you leave.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: And if you don't, that's okay too.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
20:54
We're going to go into our deeper conversation but I just want
20:58
to really say this
20:59
one really lights my fire what you're talking about because I
21:02
think there is a deep
21:04
should in so many women that think that I should explain myself
21:09
you don't have to
21:10
explain yourself you are a grown ass woman you just speak in
21:14
terms of what you want
21:16
and then if there's any negotiation after that then you share
21:19
the explanation
21:21
SPEAKER_02: Literally.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: It was 27 minutes of my original life.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: And that was wrestling with yourself, not your own.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm the expert.
21:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm the expert, right?
21:32
SPEAKER_02: I see myself doing it.
21:34
So I'm just sharing that because I want to make for everyone
21:36
who's listening is
21:37
SPEAKER_02: like,
21:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm not exempt.
21:39
SPEAKER_02: We're all exempt.
21:40
SPEAKER_02: We're wired.
21:40
SPEAKER_02: We're wired to achieve and create and we do have.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: And
21:48
SPEAKER_02: So that's what I'm saying.
21:48
SPEAKER_02: That was really sneaky.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to go into the deeper conversation.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: So we'll be back in a few minutes.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: So what we're going to be talking about,
21:59
SPEAKER_01: because what I've realized is that when these things come up most,
22:04
SPEAKER_01: when we understand or we acknowledge and see our shoulds,
22:08
SPEAKER_01: it's normally when we're in the shit.
22:10
it's normally when we're in the tough place that this becomes
22:13
obvious and it's the
22:15
opportunity for us to to be able to work on it to to release it
22:19
and whatever so
22:20
that's what we'll be talking about in the deeper conversation
22:23
so um that's for our
22:24
paid subscribers so uh if you're not a paid subscriber yes I
22:27
encourage you to to uh
22:29
SPEAKER_01: click join the job become a jolter become a jolter
22:34
and if you're listening to us on any other platform other than
22:37
Substack we encourage
22:38
you to come over and find us on Substack we are at
22:42
thejoyjolt.com is the easiest way
22:45
to find us and come and join the joy that's it I love that
22:50
let's joy let's joy some
22:51
SPEAKER_00: more yes right let's joy some more all right we'll see you in the deeper
22:55
SPEAKER_00: conversation bye all