Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1252 - 'Where do Babies Come From?' & Other Tricky Questions Kids Ask

Transcript

#1252 - 'Where do Babies Come From?' & Other Tricky Questions Kids Ask · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Where do babies come from? How come there's a little
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  Speaker 1: brother or a little sister? And mummy's tummy. These are
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  Speaker 1: some of the tricky questions that kids ask, and as
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  Speaker 1: parents sometimes we're just not quite sure what to say.
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  Speaker 1: Good news, there are answers for you. Hello and welcome
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: to the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every Day.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and
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  Speaker 1: Kylie Colson. Kylie, Your Friend and Mine. Michelle Mitchell. She's
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  Speaker 1: the author of Teens Our Daughter Emily. She's now eleven.
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  Speaker 1: She loves The Girl's Guide and the Guy's Guide to Puberty.
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  Speaker 2: She literally pulls them out of the cupboard regularly, yep,
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  Speaker 2: to have a read. There are definitely sections that she
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  Speaker 2: says I'm not ready for and she just skims past that.
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  Speaker 1: And she doesn't really like the boys one as much
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  Speaker 1: as the Girls.
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  Speaker 2: Ones, right, No, but she does pull it out.
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  Speaker 1: These books have sold tens of thousands of copies. Michelle
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  Speaker 1: has done a marvelous job with those books. She's got
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  Speaker 1: a brand new one out. The brand new one is
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  Speaker 1: called Where did Babies Come From? And Other Questions? Eight
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  Speaker 1: to twelve year olds ask. It's done in the same
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  Speaker 1: comic style. It's just they're such great books and Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: In the last day or two I had a chat
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  Speaker 1: with Michelle. We're going to play the full conversation about
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  Speaker 1: this on Saturday for your weekend listening pleasure. It's a
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  Speaker 1: little bit longer than our normal pods, but hopefully on
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  Speaker 1: the weekend you'll have time to listen asking all those
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  Speaker 1: tricky questions so that parents know how to guide their
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  Speaker 1: children through the conversations around procreation, intimacy, and that kind
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  Speaker 1: of stuff. But it was such a great chat, I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to share two things that she had to share
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  Speaker 1: with me in that interview in our podcast today, just
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  Speaker 1: to give people a samp or a taster of what's
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  Speaker 1: coming up. The first thing that I asked her, because
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  Speaker 1: this is just one of those things that parents want
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  Speaker 1: to know about all the time, is why why parents
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  Speaker 1: so nervous about talking about this?
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  Speaker 3: There's so many things we didn't get it modeled very well.
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  Speaker 3: I think a lot of us have had bad sexual
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  Speaker 3: experiences as well, and so you know that comes into play.
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  Speaker 3: I think we don't want to get it wrong either,
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  Speaker 3: and we're scared of not sort of knowing what to
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  Speaker 3: say if our kids ask us an awkward question. I
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  Speaker 3: think the cultural thing is real. In the book, I
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  Speaker 3: talk about different talking styles that parents have, and I
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  Speaker 3: say to the kids, it doesn't matter how your family
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  Speaker 3: prefers to talk. Some families talk around the dinner table
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  Speaker 3: openly and others talk really privately. As long as your
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  Speaker 3: parents are talking, it doesn't matter how they're talking. And
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  Speaker 3: I think that's a really important message for parents to
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  Speaker 3: take away as well, because I meet a lot of
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  Speaker 3: parents in my parent nights that just, you know, they
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  Speaker 3: just say, look, we're not the kind of family that
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  Speaker 3: would talk openly about this across the dinner table. And
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  Speaker 3: I say to parents, you know what, as long as
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  Speaker 3: you are talking to your kids, it is okay.
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  Speaker 2: What kind of parents would you say we are?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you're pretty happy to talk about this with
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  Speaker 1: our daughters across the dinner table. I'm less. So I
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  Speaker 1: think that's kind of like it's because I'm the dad
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  Speaker 1: and I've got six girls. I'm happy to talk about
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  Speaker 1: these things. But I don't know, I keep it a
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  Speaker 1: little bit more hush hush, a bit more quiet on
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  Speaker 1: the down low. One of our kids came to me
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  Speaker 1: the other day and said, Mum was talking to us
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  Speaker 1: about I haven't told you this Mum was talking to
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  Speaker 1: us about. And then she gave us this big list
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  Speaker 1: of all the intimate things that you were talking about
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  Speaker 1: with our teenage girls. And I was like, oh yeah,
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  Speaker 1: and she was giggling, like really embarrassed as she was
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  Speaker 1: telling me, but she really wanted to talk. And I
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  Speaker 1: just I know who this daughter is instantly like, how
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  Speaker 1: did that make you feel? And do you have any
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  Speaker 1: other questions? And I'm really happy to talk to you
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  Speaker 1: about any of this, and I'm so glad you got
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  Speaker 1: to talk to mum about it. So I'm more of
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  Speaker 1: a not across it in the table guy.
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  Speaker 2: I probably say I'm pretty irreverent when it comes to
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  Speaker 2: this stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I would say, you're pretty happy to talk about anything anywhere,
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  Speaker 1: anytime with almost any one of our children. At least
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  Speaker 1: that actually gets me. I love first of all, before
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  Speaker 1: I shared the story I was going to share, I
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  Speaker 1: love Michelle's sensitivity. It is tricky for some parents, and
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  Speaker 1: not every family has the same communication style. Not every
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  Speaker 1: couple has the same communication.
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  Speaker 2: Style, but you mean not every person in the couple.
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  Speaker 1: But that's the same that's what I mean. Yeah, but
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  Speaker 1: I mean I've certainly done the hard yards with these
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  Speaker 1: conversations and found them to be really rewarding conversations. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: The one that jumps out at me my funniest experience
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  Speaker 1: was when we were having the first conversation we'd ever
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  Speaker 1: had about intimacy with our eldest daughter. You know where
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  Speaker 1: I'm going, where you're going, And as we finally finished
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  Speaker 1: the conversation, she looked at me and she said, or
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  Speaker 1: looked at us and said, I think at the time
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  Speaker 1: she was the eldest of four. We hadn't had the
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  Speaker 1: last two. Maybe we had five, I don't know. And
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  Speaker 1: she looked at us and said, do you mean to
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  Speaker 1: tell me that you've done this four times?
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  Speaker 4: And your eyes went wide and your mouth opened as
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  Speaker 4: if you were about to say, oh, there's a lot more,
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  Speaker 4: Like I just touched you on the leg, And I'm like, yes, yes,
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  Speaker 4: Like that's all you need to know today.
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  Speaker 1: You'll find out later down the track that there's a
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  Speaker 1: lot more going on here. It was that was my
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  Speaker 1: favorite favorite moment in those conversations.
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  Speaker 2: I remember with one of our children going through the
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  Speaker 2: mechanics of how babies are made and just talking about
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  Speaker 2: the fact that obviously mum has eggs and dad has sperm,
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  Speaker 2: and when they connect, a baby, you know, is created
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  Speaker 2: and the ex fertilized. And I just remember her looking
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  Speaker 2: at me going, but how does dad sperm get into
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  Speaker 2: your egg?
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  Speaker 1: I remember that one. I remember that conversation as well.
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  Speaker 2: I was like, I thought we were going to get
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  Speaker 2: get away with this so we didn't have to go
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  Speaker 2: into all the detail. But she picked it up pretty
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  Speaker 2: quickly that this didn't make sense until she knew it.
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  Speaker 1: All the conversations need to happen. Research shows that they're
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  Speaker 1: not happening, and Michelle's book is so helpful for helping
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  Speaker 1: you to have the conversation in a in a really
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  Speaker 1: measured and simple way. In fact, it's not a conversation,
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  Speaker 1: it's a lot of conversations, and the book, especially when
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  Speaker 1: it's paired with A Guy's Guide to Puberty and a
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  Speaker 1: Girl's Guide to Puberty, this gives you like two years
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  Speaker 1: worth of conversations on a weekly basis, right like you can.
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  Speaker 1: There's so much to talk about and so much to
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  Speaker 1: guide your children through with these books.
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  Speaker 2: I think part of the challenge that a lot of
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  Speaker 2: parents have around this and feeling uncomfortable having these conversations
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  Speaker 2: with their kids. Is they wait to start having them
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  Speaker 2: way too late. If we create an environment and an
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  Speaker 2: atmosphere where we can talk about even just naming body
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  Speaker 2: parts with young children, it just becomes a normal part
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  Speaker 2: of your conversation and dialogue. Then the next step, obviously
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  Speaker 2: is to talk about intimacy and how that relates to
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  Speaker 2: us at different stages of our lives. But if we
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  Speaker 2: wait to have a conversation with our fourteen year old
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  Speaker 2: and we've never had a conversation with them in any way,
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  Speaker 2: shape or form, it's not going to go well.
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  Speaker 1: And they also know more than you'd like them to
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  Speaker 1: know by that age anyways.
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  Speaker 2: And they're looking at it like You're like you don't
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  Speaker 2: know anything.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is kind of embarrassing. Now I'm really
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  Speaker 1: enjoying this conversation. In thinking about what we're talking about
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  Speaker 1: here in these solutions and strategies, We're going to jump
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  Speaker 1: onto Facebook and ask you, what are the funniest responses
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  Speaker 1: that you've had when you've explained to your children appropriation, intimacy.
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  Speaker 1: What are the funniest things that they've ever said to you?
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  Speaker 1: I really, really really want to get your responses, and
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  Speaker 1: maybe we'll do a follow up podcast episode around that
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  Speaker 1: in a few days time or a week's time or
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  Speaker 1: something when that comes through. Hey, after the break. One
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  Speaker 1: more thing that Michelle said that I think every parent
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  Speaker 1: needs to know. Michelle Mitchell is the author of Where
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  Speaker 1: Do Babies Come From. We're going to play her full
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  Speaker 1: interview for you on Saturday. She said so many things
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  Speaker 1: that were valuable. I asked her about why teaching consent
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  Speaker 1: is important. I'm an ambassador for the federal government's Consent
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  Speaker 1: Can't Wait campaign, so I obviously know the answer from
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  Speaker 1: my point of view, but I wanted to hear Michelle
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  Speaker 1: explain it. Here's what she said, Kylie.
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  Speaker 3: When I'm speaking to kids in schools, I make sure
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  Speaker 3: that they are really clear that sex is not for kids.
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  Speaker 3: It's for someone that you love, trust, and it's a
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  Speaker 3: very private thing because it involves your body, and you
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  Speaker 3: can imagine how serious that is. And because they're imagining
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  Speaker 3: then their physical body, they're actually feeling the weight of that.
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  Speaker 3: And I want them to know that their bodies are important.
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  Speaker 3: I want them to know that they're valuable. And the
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  Speaker 3: moment kids are ready to get this information update and
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  Speaker 3: they really digest the seriousness of that. That's the moment
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  Speaker 3: that I think they're ready to really understand that, hey,
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  Speaker 3: your precious body needs to be protected and that there
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  Speaker 3: gives you an inroad to have some of those conversations.
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  Speaker 5: This is why Michelle is so good at what she does.
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  Speaker 5: It is just such a beautiful concept to help our
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  Speaker 5: children and recognize that this is not something we just
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  Speaker 5: give to anyone, that our bodies are so important and
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  Speaker 5: so precious.
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  Speaker 2: They're precious. We only have one of them, and we
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  Speaker 2: only get to share it with the most important people
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  Speaker 2: in our lives.
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  Speaker 1: I mean ideally. Yeah, we talked about the recreation of
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  Speaker 1: view of sex versus the sacred view of sex, and
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  Speaker 1: a whole bunch more. It's such a great conversation, where
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  Speaker 1: do babies come from? And other questions eight to twelve
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  Speaker 1: year olds ask. It's a book by Michelle Mitchell. The
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  Speaker 1: full conversation about sex, consent, and everything else is happening
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  Speaker 1: on Saturday. The podcast episode will drop there. Hope you
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  Speaker 1: really enjoy it and that this has spurreed some interesting
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  Speaker 1: insights and ideas for you and your conversations with your
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  Speaker 1: kids around these important topics. The Happy Families podcast is
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: produced by Justin Rulin from Bridge Media. More information and
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: more resources about making your family happier are available at
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot IU, and we'll link to
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  Speaker 1: Michelle's shop in the show notes