Latest / The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast / The Quietest Man in the Room Is the Most Dangerous (Stop Talking. Start Winning) The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.101

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The Quietest Man in the Room Is the Most Dangerous (Stop Talking. Start Winning) The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.101 · The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast

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  The loudest man in the room is often the dumbest man in the
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  room, and the quietest man in the room is often the most
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  dangerous man in the room. Wise men listen more than they
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  speak. That's why they're wise.
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  If you're not listening, ultimately you're not learning.
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  And if you're not learning, you will never be the wise man if
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  it's your first time here. My name is Michael Riggs.
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  I'm a full time author, entrepreneur, men's personal
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  development and marriage mentor, husband and father of six, And I
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  teach men all over the world how to live fully optimized, leveled
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  up lives and how to have happy, thriving marriages.
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  So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around.
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  Subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this YouTube
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  channel wherever you're getting this hit the like button on this
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  video. S we can reach more men with
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  these powerful messages because this is what we do here every
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  week, teach and inspire men how to be their best selves in every
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  aspect of their lives. And today I'm going to be
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  talking about the one simple practice that has the power to
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  level up every aspect of your life.
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  Stick around. Hello and welcome to the Warrior
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  Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs
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  here to assist you on your journey to living a fully
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  optimized, leveled up life as a man.
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  So again, welcome and welcome back.
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  It's great to be here today. As always, it's great to talk to
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  you today. Super excited about this episode
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  because this is a topic that I haven't spoke on in quite a long
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  time, maybe even over a year, maybe 2 years, I don't know.
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  But this is one of the OG Warrior Kings topics.
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  So we're going to be getting into it.
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  I hope this you're wherever you're finding this, wherever
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  you're getting this and with all that being said, let's not waste
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  anytime. Let's dive right into the topic
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  of the day, which is the power, the importance of listening.
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  Imagine a scene for me. It's a table of people having a
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  nice dinner. There's a conversation going on
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  and everyone at the table is a part of it.
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  And at the head of the table sits a wise man.
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  Everyone knows that this man is wise.
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  Everyone trusts his advice. Everyone always seeks advice
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  from him, from whatever they're facing in their lives.
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  Let's say the wise man is 60 ish years old.
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  His beard is peppered in Gray and his eyes are deep in
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  piercing. He's very well dressed.
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  He's the picture of a life of masculinity, adventure,
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  experience, love, passion, culture and depth.
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  Then a debate breaks out at the table and everyone at the table
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  is sure that they're right and they're going back and forth.
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  They present their cases on the subject at hand 1 by 1 and this
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  goes on for a while. This also happens to be a
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  subject that the wise man is very learned in.
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  He knows so much about this subject.
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  And I have a question for you. Imagine this is the wise man
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  sighing, grunting, just to hurry people along in their speech.
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  Is he cutting people off and interjecting just to get a word
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  in before anybody else has a chance to speak or give their
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  point? Does he already assume that he
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  knows the correct answer? And since he assumes he already
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  knows the correct answer, he just doesn't even listen to
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  anybody at the table? He doesn't care what anybody
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  else has to say about the subject.
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  Does he impatiently wait for his turn to speak?
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  And the answer to that question is no, absolutely not.
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  Wise men don't wait for their turn to speak, and they
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  definitely don't assume that they already know everything.
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  Wise men listen, and they listen intently.
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  They study your face in your body language and every word
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  that you're saying. Then they make their best
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  assumption based on what they have learned from the content of
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  your words and the wisdom that they have attained overtime.
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  Then they respond. The loudest man in the room is
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  often the dumbest man in the room, and the quietest man in
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  the room is often the most dangerous man in the room.
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  Wise men listen more than they speak, and that's why they're
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  wise. Every opportunity to listen is
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  an opportunity to learn. And if you're not listening,
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  ultimately you are not learning. And if you are not learning, you
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  will never be the wise man. And listen.
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  Everyone knows that guy. The guy who's impatient, just
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  waiting for his turn to speak, cuts people off when they're
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  talking already assumes that he knows everything about
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  everything. And if you know a guy like that,
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  you know deep down that nobody really enjoys his company.
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  He's the loudmouth. He's the one who's always
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  boasting. He's the one who thinks that
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  he's better and smarter than everyone else.
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  And if you find that you are that person, you have some work
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  to do. And I can tell you right now,
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  there are very few people who actually enjoy your company.
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  I know a certain guy like that and I'm not going to name him
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  because I don't want to embarrass him publicly.
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  But I have noticed spending time around this guy for for quite a
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  long time just by default because I have to, that he
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  doesn't listen to anything from anyone.
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  He's always impatiently waiting for his turn to speak.
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  He'll even cross his arms and close his eyes and nod quickly
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  just to hurry people along in their speech.
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  When you're around him, it's very clear that he is not
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  willing to listen to anybody else.
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  He assumes he knows everything about everything already.
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  The problem with that and what he doesn't see is he's honestly
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  the dumbest guy I've ever met in my life.
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  But he doesn't know that. And this mentality costs him
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  more than he knows, more than he realizes.
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  I've even seen this guy do that to his wife when his wife is
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  speaking. He hurries her along in her
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  speech when she's talking, says uh huh, and waves at her to,
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  like, get her to shut up. And he finishes her sentence and
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  already assumes that he knows more than her.
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  He does this to people that he's met for the first time.
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  This guy is, you know, when it comes down to it, he's super
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  rude. That's what it comes down to.
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  And I feel like everybody knows a version of that guy.
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  I also refer to him in my work as the painfully average guy.
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  Consider it sort of a architect type.
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  The painfully average guy. That's who this guy is.
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  And like I said, this way of living, this way of being, costs
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  him more than he realizes. People don't want to spend time
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  around him. He doesn't ever gain any new
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  wisdom or knowledge because he's unwilling to listen to anything
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  from anyone else. He never learns anything new
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  because he already assumes that he knows everything.
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  Also, this mentality causes him to make catastrophic mistakes
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  all the time. He's always screwing things up
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  because he doesn't slow down and take the time to say maybe I
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  don't know everything about this thing and he just jumps into it
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  and then destroys everything and he hasn't learned his lesson
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  yet. I guess he also unknowingly
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  cheats and wrongs people because he makes his decisions based on
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  the idea that he already knows everything about everything and
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  that he's right all the time. Again, wise men do not wait for
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  their turn to speak, and they certainly don't believe that
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  they already know everything. Here's another way to put it.
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  A wise man often doesn't think of himself as a wise man.
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  He considers himself a lifelong learner, an infant in his
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  wisdom. Wise men listen and they listen
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  intently. They study your face and your
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  body language and every word that you are saying.
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  Then they make their best assumption based on what they
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  have learned from the content of your words and the wisdom that
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  they have attained overtime. Then they think and they
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  consider and they pause and then they respond.
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  Notice I said what they have learned from the content of your
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  words. And you might ask yourself, what
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  could a wise man learn from me? Wise men understand that every
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  opportunity to listen is an opportunity to learn new
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  perspectives, new viewpoints. They might even be learning that
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  you are an idiot. But they are learning constantly
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  and consistently. If you're not listening,
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  ultimately you're not learning. And if you're not learning, you
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  will never be the wise man. And every opportunity to listen
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  is an opportunity to learn. Even if you think the person
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  that you're listening to is a complete idiot, you understand
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  what I'm saying. It's not about being right all
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  the time. It doesn't matter.
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  Being right, being smarter is completely irrelevant.
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  Have you ever noticed that painfully average guys have
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  nothing interesting to talk about?
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  It's the same 3 or 4 topics on repeat.
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  It's the only way that they can relate to each other because
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  they have no personal identity. They have no individuality.
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  Once you step outside of the average, once you stop being a
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  painfully average guy, you'll start to notice this and it'll
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  start to really bother you like it bothers me.
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  It might be like a get together or a family get together, a
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  party or something like that, and you can pick these guys out
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  right away because they all dress the same.
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  They all stand the same. They'll have their golf shorts
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  on and their polo shirts and they'll be holding their beer in
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  the exact same stance with their legs wide.
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  And they talk about the same 3 or 4 topics on repeat.
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  Sports. Whatever season of sports is
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  going on, you know, I know almost nothing about sports
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  because I don't have time for that.
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  I feel that it's a distraction. If you love sports, if you
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  genuinely love sports, fine. I view it as a distraction
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  because there are way more important things in life than
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  watching other people play a game and win while I'm trying to
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  win in life. You know what I'm saying?
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  It's just it's a distraction and it takes away from so many
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  people's lives. But like I said, that's one of
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  the only things that men can connect over.
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  So that's what they talk about, football, golf, things of that
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  nature, right? I don't know these days, what is
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  it? Pickleball.
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  They talk about pickleball and their pickleball technique in
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  game or whatever, which I have a question about pickleball.
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  By the way, how did they make fake plastic toy tennis and
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  convince literally everybody that it was cool?
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  Just blows my mind. And the thing about painfully
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  average guys is they like the things that they like or they
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  force themselves to like the things that they like because
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  they think that that's what boys are supposed to like.
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  And maybe that's true. Maybe those are the things that
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  boys are supposed to like. But The thing is, we're men.
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  We're grown up now. We don't have to like those
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  things anymore. We can be focused on Our
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  Calling, our purpose, bettering humanity.
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  I don't know, the things that actually matter.
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  Our wives, our families, not football, golf, beer and
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  pickleball. Be more interesting than that.
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  Have more going on than that. Have more to talk about than
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  that. And when you encounter A
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  painfully average guy and he wants to talk to you about
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  sports, you just say, oh, I don't watch sports.
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  And then you can see them like short circuit and glitch out
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  because they don't understand that.
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  They're like, oh, I guess we're going nowhere from here because
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  I don't know what else to talk about.
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  There's literally nothing else in my brain that's like an MPC
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  or something like that. They have that one mode.
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  I'm getting a little bit heated here.
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  Sorry about that. Be more interesting than that.
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  Let me make up a scenario right now.
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  Let's say it is like a dinner party and there's all sorts of
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  people around. On one side of the room.
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  There's a group of painfully average guys.
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  They got their pastel polos on and their golf shorts.
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  They're all standing the same way and they're talking about
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  sports games. On the other side of the room,
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  there's a guy sitting by himself.
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  And you can tell immediately that this guy is super
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  interesting. He's, you know, he right off the
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  bat you're like, whoa, who is that guy?
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  And he's kind of a little rough. He's got a beard, all these
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  things. He's got a tattoo on his forearm
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  that he got from a shaman in the Amazon rainforest to protect him
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  from the crazy stuff that happens in the Amazon
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  rainforest. And he got it while he was going
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  to talk to an uncontacted tribe. And he's got all sorts of life
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  experiences. His he's jumped out of planes,
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  he's visited multiple countries, gone on many adventures.
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  He's a veteran, all these things.
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  Which guy would you walk across the room and and just be driven
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  to talk to? Is it the guys who have nothing
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  interesting to talk about or is it that super interesting guy?
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  Where could you go in either of those two directions where you
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  would gain some value, Something that actually benefits you,
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  something that's interesting to hear about, something that you
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  can learn about? Who would you rather listen to
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  and spend your time with? I don't know about you, but I
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  would choose the crazy adventurer guy who does all the
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  crazy stuff and has a billion stories to tell.
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  Not the guys who have done nothing with their lives, who
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  can only talk about 3 to 4 topics before they run out of
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  things to talk about. Because every day of their life
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  is exactly the same. They have nothing going for them
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  and they're just painfully average guys.
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  If your circle of friends, they, the guys that you spend the most
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  time with, aren't offering value based on the exchange of ideas,
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  wisdom and accountability, lifting each other up, moving
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  each other forward in life, carrying each other to the next
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  level, then you are in the wrong circle of men, You have the
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  wrong friends. If your circle of friends has no
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  ambition, no drive, doesn't want to better their lives, better
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  their situation, if all they can talk about is sports, all they
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  can do is drink beer and go to go to the bar.
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  And every day is repeat of the last day and you can see that
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  there a dead end. Then you are in the wrong circle
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  of friends. If the most you can exchange
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  with your circle of men is beer and sports talk, you are
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  offering each other nothing but distractions and empty
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  companionship. You know they say that you are
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  the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with.
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  If you hang out with five millionaires, you will be the
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  6th. If you hang out with five
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  losers, you will be the 6th. And that is a hard truth.
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  But if you want to be the best version of yourself that you
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  possibly can, then the proximity principle really matters.
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  Who you allow in your circle really matters.
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  Are your friends dragging you down or are they building you up
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  and moving you forward in life? Are you encouraging them?
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  Are they encouraging you? If you have ambition and drive
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  and if you want to do something great by pursuing your calling
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  and your purpose, you will be more interesting.
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  You will be more wise. And that type of empty small
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  talk will start to really irritate you.
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  Trust me. Because it is the banter of
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  lazy, average, stupid men who are honestly wasting their
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  lives. They are wasting their lives.
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  They are doing nothing. They are going nowhere.
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  They are completely comfortable and checked out.
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  There's nothing to pursue. There is no next level.
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  Everything's just fine right here.
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  You know, live another day in paradise.
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  I hate that kind of talk. How are you doing another day in
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  paradise? So if you feel like you need to
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  audit your circle of friends, which I highly suggested because
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  that's one thing that I learned on my pursuit of success is that
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  I had to get around the right people.
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  I had to get away from losers. I put together a resource called
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  the Inner Circle Audit. There's a link to it in the
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  description of this episode. And it will lead you and guide
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  you through the top five people in your life and help you decide
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  if this person is dragging you down away from your success or
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  building you up to it, and whether or not you need to spend
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  less time with that person or get rid of them completely.
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  So if that's something that would help you figure this out,
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  that's why I built it to make it easier.
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  Because it's hard to just sit there and be like, huh, what's
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  wrong with Mike? You know this will lead you and
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  guide you through it, so definitely check that out if
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  that's something that would help you in this process.
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  Again, the link to that is in the description.
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  But other than just being a painfully average stupid guy, I
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  can't stress the importance enough of listening.
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  Listening, training yourself to truly listen will level up every
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  aspect of your life. It will level up your
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  relationships, your friendships. It will level up your work life,
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  your business life. If you listen more than you
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  speak, people will respect you more.
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  They will think that you actually care about them.
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  They will open up to you more. It will level up your marriage.
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  Your wife wants to be seen, heard, nurtured, and understood
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  if you truly listen to what she's saying.
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  And listen, I have tons of episodes on this one subject.
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  It's one of the foundations of my work when it comes to
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  marriage. Truly listening to your wife
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  will level up your marriage like you wouldn't believe.
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  And it might take some practice if you haven't been actively
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  listening for a long time. You're going to have to train
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  yourself in this process, especially if you're someone who
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  thinks 10 steps ahead like I do and so speaking and you gather
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  what they're going to say 10 steps ahead of what they're
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  saying. Still pause, take a minute,
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  listen to what they're saying, truly listen to what they're
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  saying and then respond. I heard this story a while back
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  of a guy who was going to meet this really powerful businessman
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  and he was super excited about it and he was having dinner with
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  this guy. I don't remember all the details
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  of the story, but the concept stuck with me.
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  So stick with me here. He was going to meet this very
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  powerful businessman. He's super excited about it and
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  he goes to the dinner and when he's done with the dinner, he
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  goes back to his friend. His friend said, what did you
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  learn from him? And he kind of realized he's
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  like, oh, I didn't really learn anything from him.
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  He listened to me the whole time.
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  I was just talking the whole time.
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  I didn't really ask him any questions or anything like that.
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  And that's what wise men do. See, this super powerful
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  businessman knew that he could learn more from this guy who
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  wasn't even very powerful in business.
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  He knows that he learns from every interaction that he has.
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  So he simply listened to the guy when he was speaking.
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  If he assumed that he knew everything about everything, he
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  would have been talking the whole time like the guy who was
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  talking to him. You know what I'm saying?
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  Listening is so important because it would be very easy
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  for this super powerful businessman to just be like, I'm
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  not listening to anything this guy is saying because it's super
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  useless to me. Like why?
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  Why even listen to him? I'm super powerful businessman.
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  But wise men know that even if it's one tidbit from what
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  someone is saying, they can gain more knowledge that will push
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  them forward, make them wiser, make them consider new
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  perspectives, new viewpoints. Wise men listen.
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  I can't say that enough. Another thing is you will become
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  more empathy pathetic is the ability to understand how people
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  feel and why they're feeling it as if you were in their shoes.
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  And that's something that's getting more and more lost to
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  these days is empathy. You know, the ability to have
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  empathy. You see that everywhere
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  throughout culture. You'll probably even see that
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  throughout the people in your life.
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  Like we are losing empathy and truly listening to other people,
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  really considering what they have to say, considering how
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  they feel when they're speaking, what they're experiencing, that
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  will give you more empathy. It's like training a muscle,
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  training the muscle to listen, training the muscle for empathy.
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  And like I said, this will make people respect you more, listen
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  to you more. Your words will hold more weight
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  when you speak if you listen more than you speak.
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  And so I challenge you this week, truly listen.
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  Listen to your wife, listen to your friends, listen to your
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  peers at work. Every opportunity that you have
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  to listen, listen and listen intently.
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  Consider it an opportunity to learn and considered, an
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  opportunity to step back and say I don't know everything about
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  everything and I don't care about being right, and watch
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  your life begin to level up like you didn't even know was
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  possible. It's very close to mindfulness.
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  I'm sure you've heard of mindfulness meditation before.
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  That's basically where you quiet your mind and you become fully
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  present in the moment where you are.
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  It's a version of mindfulness because you have to be fully
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  present. You have to be fully aware and
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  actually listen to what everyone is saying saying to you and
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  train yourself this week. Begin to train yourself this
• 18:02
  week to not respond till the person that you're talking to
• 18:04
  has been fully listened to and you have actually learned from
• 18:08
  what they said, actually considered what they said.
• 18:10
  Then respond. And ultimately what we want to
• 18:13
  do is transcend the average. Don't be the painfully average
• 18:17
  guy. Don't be the loudmouth.
• 18:19
  Don't be the uninteresting guy who can only talk about 3 or 4
• 18:23
  topics or else he can't relate to anyone because he has no
• 18:26
  identity. He's never done anything thing
• 18:28
  interesting with his life. He's never pursuing anything.
• 18:31
  There's literally nothing to talk about because he's almost
• 18:34
  become a non person at that point.
• 18:36
  Don't be that person. Transcend the average.
• 18:39
  Be more interesting than that. Be pursuing greater things for
• 18:43
  your life and go on adventures. That's another thing like the
• 18:46
  guy I made-up before it was going to the Amazon rainforest
• 18:49
  or whatever I said actually go on adventures man.
• 18:52
  It doesn't have to be crazy like that, but get out there in the
• 18:54
  world and do something interesting.
• 18:56
  Train yourself to listen and like I said, do the inner circle
• 19:00
  audit. That's LinkedIn, the description
• 19:02
  of this episode. And that's what I got for you
• 19:04
  guys today. I hope you got something out of
• 19:06
  this episode. I hope this episode inspired you
• 19:08
  in some way to transcend the average, to become the wise man
• 19:12
  over time through the power of listening and watch it level up
• 19:15
  every aspect of your life. If it's your first time here and
• 19:18
  you want to know more about me, the links to all my stuff are on
• 19:21
  the link tree link in the description of this episode.
• 19:24
  And yeah, man, get out there, kill it.
• 19:26
  Level up every aspect of your life.
• 19:28
  A life of overflowing abundance awaits you.
• 19:31
  On the other side of you deciding to make the switch,
• 19:33
  make the change and level up every aspect of your life, a
• 19:36
  life of overflowing abundance awaits you.
• 19:39
  Find your calling and your purpose and pursue that thing
• 19:42
  relentlessly. There is a great calling and a
• 19:44
  purpose for you in this life. You listening to this right now.
• 19:47
  I love you, I'm proud of you and I'll talk to you soon.
• 19:50
  Thanks guys. Bye.