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Transcript

Your Communication Pattern at Work · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's a common saying out there that goes something like this communication works for those who work at it.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, it's true.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: While communication is something that just occurs naturally, communication that works well is still a rarity, and yet it's wildly sought after.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can find hundreds of books written on better communication, and yet most of us still find miscommunication, assumptions, and listening issues a common pain point in our relationships.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: But what if I said you could eliminate most of your communication struggles simply by understanding three different communication patterns?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: How about if you could have better relationships because you had clarity about your unique strategy or method or pattern to get what you desire or how you achieve a goal?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And would you breathe a sigh of relief?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: If I gave you the goal that you need to refine your communication skill, not become a different type of communicator.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, friend, not only can I satisfy some of these questions I just shared, but I will also equip you in this episode.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You may have heard some of the concepts that will be covered here, but there's gonna be some new applications and insights that you won't want to miss.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there, I'm Amy Wicks, your guide by the side for your whole-hearted journey.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And friend, I get it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Life can be a whirlwind, juggling family, work, and all the in-betweens.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: As a wife, mom to three teenagers, and building a growing business, I felt the overwhelm, the doubts, and the struggles too.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: the Lord took my broken-hearted pieces and turned them into a beautiful story of clarity, peace, and joy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm here to help you do the same.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: With years of experience as a certified Enneagram coach, spiritual director, and working genius facilitator, I am here to provide you with practical wisdom and inspiration.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Through expert interviews and real life examples, you can uncover your strengths, motivations, and God's unwavering love.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And together, we're gonna explore biblical truths, different personality profiles, and life rhythms that will empower you to break free from anxiety, shame, and frustration.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I have walked the path, my friend, and I know the challenges you face.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But that's why I'm here, by your side, cheering you on as you embrace wholehearted living.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So grab your headphones, invite a friend, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Simply Wholehearted, where we laugh, learn, and flourish as a community.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: In last week's episode, I introduced you to the offices of Hustle and Grind.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: We are headed back to observe the going-ons of this buzzing hive of productivity.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: But this time we're gonna witness three women navigating their work day who are unaware of the impact of their natural communication pattern in their workplace.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or at least unaware yet.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: With her coffee cup in hand, Alexa the assertive go-getter project manager zooms through the office with pep and enthusiasm.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: As she strides into the morning meeting, Alexa declares, Alright, team, today we conquer the world of spreadsheets.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Assignments are posted, deadlines are set, and let's hustle.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bristling at Alexa's forcefulness and raising her hand, Dana the dutiful administrator says, I realize we have a lot to do, so I've prepared an organized agenda for this discussion.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's ensure everyone's thoughts are heard, and we'll move forward toward the optimal solution for everyone step by step.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, as the meeting is about to end and after the project manager Alexa leaves, the creative graphic designer Wanda the Withdrawing hesitantly speaks up to the remaining team members and suggests, maybe we could infuse a bit more color into the visuals.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps we could explore ideas that ignite curiosity and sparks conversations.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: As the project unfolds, the women of Hustle and Grind continue to face challenges, and the unawareness of their diverse communication patterns proves to be an obstacle.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: But when a sudden project crisis strikes, Alexa tries to rally the team with fiery determination and more forcefulness.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, Dana meticulously analyzes the situation again and again, trying to ensure everyone's roles are clear and aligned.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, Wanda suggests a nature-inspired walk to get a break from the chaos and stimulating ideas.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're all going different directions, frustrated with one another and not moving forward in a productive manner.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then, just in time, during Alexa's commute that evening, she listens to a podcast episode about different communication patterns and experiences clarity about how she was trying to achieve her goals and why her communication pattern had been clashing with some of her teammates.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: When she returns to the office, she emails the link to Dana, Wanda, and the rest of the Hustle and Grind staff to listen, and then she invites them to discuss their takeaways at an off-site lunch.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: After the lunch together, they drove back to the Hustle and Grind offices, where they reviewed their insights about their communication pattern and what they had learned from the podcast episode.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Together they concluded that their unique communication pattern could work harmoniously if they put their self-awareness to work, if they decide to go the same direction and work together.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Alexa promised to slow down her speed and temper and the forceful ways that she typically presents ideas.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Dana agreed to continue to focus on creating a team environment, but less on ensuring that everyone was in agreement before they made a decision.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And Wanda said she would work on speaking up earlier when she had an idea and confidently share her opinions.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Despite their contrasting patterns of communication, Alexa, Dana, and Wanda discovered that they could really bring out the best in each other.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they realized by embracing their unique style and using self-awareness practices for growth, their communication pattern could foster a dynamic and harmonious workplace.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I hope you enjoyed another visit to the Hustle and Grind offices and the slightly exaggerated yet close-to-home tale.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love using fictional illustrations to give us a fresh perspective on topics like this.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you were wondering what was in that podcast episode that helped Alexa and her teammates navigate their communication challenges, well, you're in luck because in this episode, I'm going to share specific insights that are going to help you clarify what your unique communication pattern is while also helping you better understand the different dynamics in some of your teammates at work and of course the people you live with at home.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: First, I'm going to give the summary and highlights of each communication style along with an important action step.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But then hang tight, because near the end, I'm going to share some transforming takeaways that you can apply to all of your relationships.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you didn't know already, the Enneagram tool provides all of these unique insights into your desires, motivations, fears, and hangups.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it also defines patterns of behavior that each personality type engages in.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And often these patterns of behavior consistently are demonstrated through three different groups of three, and the patterns that each relational combination typically experiences.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what are these patterns that I keep referring to?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or better yet, what is your specific pattern?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let's explore these insights together.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: When it comes to your specific communication style or pattern, the overall question to consider is when you want something, how are you most likely to get it?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: What communication pattern have you consistently employed most of your life?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you have learned to adjust it to navigate through social situations, self-awareness is about examining what has been true of you from the beginning.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: The three communication patterns can be defined through the insights found on Enneagram stances.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram stances refer to three groups of three social communication styles.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And these as a whole explain your strategy, pattern, or method to get what you desire or to achieve a goal.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram stances and communication patterns are commonly referred to as withdrawn, dutiful, or assertive.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You'll hear different variations of these in the Enneagram world, but this is how the whole hearted community names and defines these different patterns.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to outline five highlights of each of these stances, and then at the end, I'm going to recap with details on the three Enneagram types that are within each of these stances.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: For now, I want you to focus on the description of these patterns of communication without assigning specific types to them.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: This process is valuable to ensure you get out or stay out of the Enneagram box that we tend to put ourselves in.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, as you listen through these descriptions, ask yourself what's been true of you from the beginning.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in the withdrawn stance or find yourself using this communication pattern, you create distance or space by moving away from others to examine your thoughts and feelings or to create a sense of inner calm or strategy.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: You may retreat to an inner world of imagination or zone out during meetings or conversations where several opinions and voices are vying for attention.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: It may feel challenging to summon the energy to deal with the outside world.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: The withdrawn types struggle with the constant interaction the workplace often requires.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, at home too.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: When making decisions, the withdrawn stance may focus on how it worked or didn't work in the past, but your team needs you to focus on the current experience and to be open to new ideas.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in the dutiful stance or follow this typical communication pattern, you come alongside others to feel needed and secure or because you think you should.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You may serve others out of a sense of duty or obligation.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you shut down your true opinion or concern or vision, so you will be wanted and accepted, especially when someone more assertive is leading the team or planning session.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: The dutiful types struggle with the boundaries needed in the workplace, and the majority of the relationships.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: You will also tend to over talk about the current situation when your teammates or family members may already be ready to move on or need time to withdraw from the situation.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you fall in the assertive stance or the assertive communication pattern, you actively pursue others, going towards them to get a response or interaction to achieve your desired result.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: You likely expand your sense of self rather than backing down and withdrawing.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You might get too aggressive or assertive when interacting with others to convince them of your values or ideas.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: The assertive type struggles the most with the compromise needed in the workplace and most relationships.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: You will tend to move quickly with high expectations, but your teammates need you to fully engage in the current project, not just what needs to be done next or what you want to do next.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So which communication pattern seems most like you?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or of course, even better asked, which one has been most like you from the beginning?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you're looking for a consistent pattern of behavior.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you can picture your communication style as your signature melody woven into every conversation you have, then you can better distinguish what is your rhythm, tempo, and tone, because your communication style follows a unique pattern that truly shapes your interactions.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Do you typically hit the high note of assertiveness, confidently leading the conversation?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you feel more comfortable with the softer notes of the dutiful approach, carefully orchestrating each exchange?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps you resonate with the withdrawing tempo, allowing space for consideration before your thoughts get voiced.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, as you engage in conversation, take a moment and listen to your melody.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the variations of your pitch, the pace of your delivery, and the emotions that color your words.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then how do you respond when your conversational partner introduces a new rhythm?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: By listening to your melody attentively, you open up the door to self-awareness.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And just as a musician refines their composition, you can fine-tune your communication style to bend and blend with the other instruments to create more harmony and connection.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And not too unlike the women at Hustle and Grind offices, Alexa, Dana, and Wanda, each person can do fine-tuning and find themselves complementing each other's strength and accomplishing more together.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there is a lot more to say on this specific topic, but for now, as we end, I'm going to recap the three communication patterns and connect the Enneagram types within the stances that I've shared with you today.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: The withdrawn stance or withdrawn communication pattern are the types four, five, and nine.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: They move away from people to examine their thoughts and feelings or to create a sense of calm.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: They react to stress by retreating to an inner world of imagination or even zoning out in social settings.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: They ask themselves, how can I find what I need within myself?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Four's specifically move away from others to connect with their authenticity and to avoid their fear that something is missing within them.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Fives move away within their minds and to the resources to find security and avoid their perceived shortcomings.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Nines move away from others to seek inner or environmental peace to avoid conflict and distress.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: The dutiful stance or dutiful communication pattern cover the types one, two, and six.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: They move alongside people to get their needs met.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Their healthy intention is to cooperate with others, but they react to stress by serving others out of duty or a sense of obligation.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: They may be asking themselves, how can I satisfy the expectation others have of me?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, ones align themselves with what will earn them approval by following rules and doing what's right.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Twos will focus on helping others with what they feel might earn them acceptance.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And sixes attach to what will help them feel safe by forming a secure environment or aligning themselves with a group.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then the assertive types or the assertive communication pattern encompass types three, seven, and eight.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: They move towards people to get others to meet their needs.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And their healthy intention is to assert their ideas or opinions, but they react to stress by boosting or expanding their sense of self rather than backing down.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll be asking themselves, how can others help me get what I need?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Threes pursue others to help them achieve their goals while seeking attention and praise for their accomplishments.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sevens seek out others to help them have happiness, seeking security by satisfying their desires.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And while eights engage others to convince them of their opinions or ideas, seeking fairness and justice by remaining in control.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: These insights provide some seriously interesting concepts to consider as you reflect on your communication pattern.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that if it's not 100% clear which communication category you find yourself in, just take some time to observe the consistent direction you tend to go when you are working with others.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Do you go away?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you go alongside?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you move toward people?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there's so much to share about these insights connected to each communication pattern or the Enneagram stances, but I've already shared loads of information that you might want to go back and have to listen again to take notes on.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So to prevent information overload, I'm going to wait to share next week about how the details of your Enneagram stance gives insights into your orientation to time and your connection with God.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: It is so cool.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely had fun nerding out with this with my friend and wholehearted coach, Sarah Cronin.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's going to join me for that conversation to share some of the work that she has put together on this specific topic, not only for the wholehearted recharge retreat, but also a new wholehearted identity cohort.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be about moving from weary to beloved and embracing God's replenishing rest.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited for you to hear and learn from Sarah.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And after that conversation, I'll continue to dive even further into how each communication pattern can learn to work with others and strengthen their own communication pattern.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.