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What to Do When Someone Isn’t Respecting Your Boundaries · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: I know that your time is very precious, and I really appreciate it and have immense gratitude for you taking some time to listen in.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to talk about how we deal with people who are not respecting our boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, boundaries, super important, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: They play a crucial role in our everyday life because when we are able to set limits on what's okay with us and what's not okay with us, it allows us to actually build deeper and more connected relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are actually a representation of how we see ourselves and how we respect ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: And let's be honest, boundaries can exist not just with other people but within ourselves too.
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  SPEAKER_00: Having self-boundaries is just as important.
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  SPEAKER_00: But most people, most people will respect our boundaries when they are clearly communicated, they're clearly asserted.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, it doesn't have to be demanded, we don't have to be aggressive about it, but most people are gonna comply with it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, oftentimes when we haven't had a boundary with somebody and we set one, there's a little bit of discontent at the beginning, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because it's different for us as the person setting the boundary and the person who's receiving the boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, most people are gonna want to comply because the relationship matters.
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  SPEAKER_00: The relationship matters to them.
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  SPEAKER_00: But what do we do when somebody's not respecting our boundary?
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's really, really challenging because when somebody doesn't respect our boundary, a couple things happen.
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  SPEAKER_00: One, maybe some self-doubt creeps in, maybe even some gaslighting, like it's not okay for us to set this boundary that there must be something wrong with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm overly sensitive and it's not that this boundary that I'm setting is just completely inappropriate.
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  SPEAKER_00: But also that self-doubt creeps in, just I mean, it takes hold.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so when we are enforcing our personal boundaries, while it may be, it might bring about a sense of uneasiness, it's really important that we pay attention to the people who are not willing to accept our boundaries, the people who continually violate our boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: Those are the people who were, first of all, benefiting from us not having the boundary in the first place.
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  SPEAKER_00: But also it does, it does invite us to take a look at what is this relationship based on anyway?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like, is there mutual respect here?
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, starting to ask some really important questions because when boundaries boundary violations are truly um, let's say that they're blatant, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like, for instance, somebody is grabbing you without your permission, that's that's not okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that that is just I mean, that's an overt boundary violation, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: And and that we might be able to speak to more clearly and more effectively.
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  SPEAKER_00: What we're also wanting to talk about today, though, are the people who don't, they covertly uh violate our boundaries because those are not easily spotted.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when thing when those boundary violations are not easily spotted, it may be difficult to figure out what's going on and how you want to how you want to address it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Most often when somebody is a consistent boundary violator, they tend to be maybe slightly more toxic, or maybe they're making you feel bad for for trying to have a boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: These individuals can be people in the workplace, they can be your own romantic partner, they can be a parent, they can be a friend, they can even be a child.
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  SPEAKER_00: But generally speaking, what's happening is that they are not able to have the empathy for you to put themselves in your situation or position in order to understand where you're coming from.
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  SPEAKER_00: And they may themselves lack boundaries or just not um have a respect for what you're saying.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some of the characteristics that a lot of boundary violators have?
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, they don't respect you when you and when you say no.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you find yourself drained of energy when you're around these individuals.
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  SPEAKER_00: You might even notice that they're lying to you, even though they're the ones accusing you of lying.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, they are not there when you actually need support.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, an example of a boundary violator or somebody who could be a boundary violator is somebody who criticizes you for not asking for help, but then when you ask for help, they're not there to help.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um they manipulate you when you take advantage and take advantage of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh they lack empathy for not just your feelings, but other people's feelings.
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  SPEAKER_00: You find that they're putting you down more often.
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  SPEAKER_00: They talk, but they don't truly listen, or they even ask you what's going on, but don't actually take the time to hear what you're saying.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's a sense of entitlement.
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  SPEAKER_00: You might feel gaslighted by them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you might have, um, you might notice that they have an exaggerated sense of their importance.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, notice that they're not taking responsibility for what they do and tend to blame other people for things not going their way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or conversely, maybe you notice that they're the type of person who um might might have a challenge that comes up, but then tries to cover it up by saying, really, that's not a challenge, and I really actually um won whatever quote unquote won the situation.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, they can be aggressive.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's just those are just some examples.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that that's a full list or that every single person who has one of those things is a boundary violator, just as some examples.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um tresp boundary trespassers can come in many different forms, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: So you can have your physical boundary violators.
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  SPEAKER_00: That again is somebody who invades your space, doesn't pay attention to what you're saying is okay and what's not okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: Emotional boundary violators, these are individuals who um tend to emotionally abuse the person that they're speaking to.
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  SPEAKER_00: They use manipulation strategies, they they are coercive, they gaslight, they try to guilt trip.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, spiritual boundary violators might be the people who enforce their spiritual beliefs on you, even though you're saying that that's not something that I believe in.
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  SPEAKER_00: Boundary violators at work in a professional setting might engage in things like gossip or harassment or bullying.
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  SPEAKER_00: Those are indications and ways that those boundary violators might be showing up.
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  SPEAKER_00: And the impact that boundary violators have, again, can it create self-doubt, yes, but it can also lead to anxiety and depression and just other issues that you might be facing.
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  SPEAKER_00: And those feelings can be really internally toxic.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, what do we do with this?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, when we're setting boundaries, it's important to communicate them clearly, you know, being really clear on what it is that's okay for you and what's not okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's got to be consequences for when the boundaries are violated.
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  SPEAKER_00: If we have a boundary and there's not a consequence for it being violated, it's really just a suggestion at the end of the day.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's about being consistent with what is the consequence for violating that boundary that you're setting.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important for you to seek support and to maintain self-care.
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  SPEAKER_00: If somebody is continually violating your boundary, reconsider what this relationship means.
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  SPEAKER_00: It might be that you need to distance yourself from this person, it might be that this relationship is no longer in your best interest, and it's important for you to prioritize your own self-care needs in that situation.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I will repeat which I've said before is that when we are setting boundaries, it is not easy.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can absolutely be challenging.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, it is so important for you to take the time to figure out what is okay and what's not okay so that you feel more empowered and in charge of what you're bringing into your world.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you would like support with this or anything else that you feel that coaching could help you in terms of moving forward, feel free to reach out to me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.