Latest / DFC Podcast / Embassies of Heaven: Raising Children in Grace | Ephesians 6

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Embassies of Heaven: Raising Children in Grace | Ephesians 6 · DFC Podcast

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Welcome to the Dorchester Family Church podcast, Our vision to be
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a church known for our love. Our wholehearted love for God,
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our authentic love for each other, and our compassionate
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love for our community. Each week get fueled up to
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worship passionately, grow meaningfully together, and make
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an eternal impact on the lives around you.
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Lean in close as we explore this Sunday's practical Bible based
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message unpacking that transformative vision.
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Good morning, chats. Good morning.
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Thank you so much, Fanny. OK, so we are continuing on in
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that series in Ephesians this morning.
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It feels like we've been in Ephesians for ages, isn't it?
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I mean, but that's OK with me. I, I love Ephesians.
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I really do. I mean, so there's the other
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letters by Paul in the New Testament.
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They all revolve around some sort of cultural issue that was
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happening at the time. But Ephesians, Ephesians is just
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pure foundational truth for everyone.
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Right when we started the series, I took Liz up to Hardest
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Monument, where I propose it's one of our most beautiful spots
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in Dorset. It's one of our favorite.
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But we took a little walk around in the sunshine and then when we
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got back to the car, we just listened to Ephesians all the
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way through. And we just bathed in it, just
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had it wash over us. And I was just blown away as I
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was listening. I was blown away by the sheer
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cosmic victory of it all, like the sheer expanse of what Jesus
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has actually achieved for us on the cross.
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As we've heard so far in the series, in chapters 1-2 and
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three, Paul meticulously declares for us the good work of
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grace God has done. How?
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Through Jesus life, death and resurrection, He has saved us,
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freed us, raised us from the dead, adopted us, the sons and
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daughters, and filled us with the Holy Spirit as we wait for
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the King to return like we've been set free.
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We're not what we once were. We are a new thing.
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We are a new creation. Once we were slaves, but now we
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are sons. And then in chapters 4-5 and
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six, Paul starts to detail for us what new creation life starts
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to look like when we're gripped by the grace in chapters 1-2 and
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three. Or in other words, he asks the
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question, OK, So what does life under the banner of it is
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finished truly look like? How does our vertical
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relationship with gods secured by Jesus and Jesus alone spill
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out horizontally to into our relationships and how we
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interact with other people? So last week Ben started the
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mini section in Ephesians called Paul's Household Code.
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Like how grace impacts our houses.
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And he looked at the relationship between husbands
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and wives and how they beautifully both play the role
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of Jesus in their marriage, one through sacrificial leadership
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and the other through sacrificial submission.
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But today we're looking at parents and children as we know,
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as we know our households and our relationships closest to
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home. Oh boy.
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They can be great sources of freedom and peace and mercy, or
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they can be great sources of fear and frustration.
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But in the household code, God has given us a blueprint for new
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creation relationships that naturally produce freedom and
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grace and peace. But boy, families are tough
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though, aren't they? I mean, we've all got one.
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I mean, none of them are perfect.
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I know mine certainly isn't. I see the damage of
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dysfunctional relationships and social work every single day and
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they're nothing new. I mean, so the Bible is full of
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them. I mean, remember when Jesus own
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mother and brother sort of thought he was mad and tried to
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take him away? I can say as a social worker,
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it's 100% not OK to section the Son of God.
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I mean, that's got to be against the Mental Health Act.
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But some families are more functional than others.
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Some are just better at hiding the dysfunction.
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We often don't really get to see what families are like from the
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inside except for our own. But let's see what Paul has to
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say about children and parents. Children, obey your parents and
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the Lord, for this is right. Honour your father and mother,
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which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may go
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well well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the
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earth. Fathers, do not exacerbate your
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children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction
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of the Lord. Children, obey your parents and
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the Lord, for this is right. I know I didn't.
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I don't know about you, but by show of hands, like who was the
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goody 2 shoes growing up who never put a foot wrong, never
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got grounded? Anyone see a couple?
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Louise Dave saw that. Yeah, just like my older brother
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David's Mr. Perfect still to this day, just like but we know
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in the story like the elder brother was just as lost as the
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younger prodigal son, right? Like that's a different preach.
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No. And like, OK, so who was like
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me? Who was the rebel?
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The Rascal Always grounded? Yeah.
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Always in detention. A few more.
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OK. Yeah.
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I remember at school, once I was suspended in.
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I was suspended from school for lighting matches in the back of
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class. Who knows how the matches got
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there, but you better believe I was the one that was going to be
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lighting them. Anybody else use the Bunsen
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burnies in chemistry class to light paper aeroplanes on fire?
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Yeah. And then throw them around at
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the teacher. Yeah.
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And I thought it'd just be me. OK, kids, I'm not alone.
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That's great. No, but for real.
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I mean, children, obey your parents and the Lord.
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For this is right. We know this.
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We know this is right. Jesus obeyed his earthly mother.
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He obeyed his heavenly Father, even to the point of dying on
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dying on a cross. I mean, when I disobeyed my
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parents, when I talked back or ran away, all I did was create
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chaos. I fought against peace.
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I fought against the household code.
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And, and that we all know what happens when our relationships
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don't operate according to the blueprint that God has given us.
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Our relationships can start to feel cramped and tense and heavy
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and frustrating. I mean, I remember so many times
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after I disobeyed or did something bad, I was just in my
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room just hiding because it was, there was so much tension
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everywhere. I didn't, I felt like I couldn't
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move a muscle. But God's household code, it's
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an invitation for us to live in the freedom that Jesus has
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already sweepingly secured for us.
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I mean, so in the relations that that relationships that Paul is
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talking about, no one's called to be, no one's orientated
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towards themselves. They're fundamentally supposed
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to be other centres. Children are supposed to think
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about their parents first. Parents are supposed to think
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about their children first, and I think maybe that relationships
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can start to break down when we're in them to try and get
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something from them rather than to give.
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They break down when we don't really believe that everything
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we need God has already given to us in chapters 1-2 and three and
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when we don't really believe that, when we don't really
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believe that God has filled the God shaped hole in our heart.
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We can look to things like our relationships for our children
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to be for us what only God can be for us.
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We can look to them for things like validation or approval of
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security and the children just aren't meant to carry that sort
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of pressure. I mean, yes, children obey your
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parents for this is right. But we want to create the
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environment where obeying parents feels like a good idea.
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I mean, we want to make it easy for them to honour us.
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I mean, maybe that starts with demonstrating to our children
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that God is actually enough for us and then if our children
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don't have to be any particular way to fulfil a need in us, then
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they can be who God wants them to be.
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We want them to obey children. We want children to obey
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parents, but we want them to obey God more.
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There was a so recently one parent I really admire, she has
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seven children. Can you imagine?
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And she was asked, OK, So what is the most difficult thing
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about parents? And you've got 7 children and
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then out of the hundreds, the thousands of things that she
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could have said, she said getting out of God's way.
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Getting out of God's way. I mean, and then she started
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talking about how, yes, we have a natural tendency to want to
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control our relationships, to control our children maybe.
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And like, yes, out of the best of intentions because we want to
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keep them safe and secure. But maybe the grip around them
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can just be a little bit too tight sometimes.
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And we get in God's way and we try to raise them up in our own
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image and instead of his own image.
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I don't know, but I know that grace is what's going to allow a
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household to breathe. Grace is the relationship is the
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difference between a a cold relationship and a warm one.
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And we want our households to breathe.
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We want our households to be spacious and grace filled and
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peace filled. What we really want is for our
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homes to be a little embassies of heaven, because that's what
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they are like. New creation households are
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made-up of new creation beings, and our everyday lives are with
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all the Lego bricks, burnt hosts, bedtime meltdowns and
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laundry pars. The way we go about all of it is
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meant to declare that a new Kingdom has broken in because an
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embassy represents a new Kingdom.
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They had the same flows and patterns of something else, the
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homeland. The way we speak to forgive or
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apologise to our children, they're meant to share with them
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what the new king is really like.
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I mean, that's what our homes are supposed to be like.
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But boy, the mistakes are going to be made.
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You're going to yell at your kids.
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You're, you're going to snap when you get, when you're really
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tired or they do something annoying when they just won't
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put their socks on or they throw food around or talk back.
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You're going to, you're going to mess up.
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And then in those moments of disconnection, all we can really
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do is think about how to horizontally try and fix and
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repair the relationship. I mean, yeah, I mean, so
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disconnection is inevitable, but I don't know what we can think
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about is how to do it well, how to repair relationships.
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And it probably looks like something like naming what went
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wrong, taking responsibility, and then apologising.
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Like today, if you are looking around an overstuffed suitcase
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filled with guilt or shame about something that's happened with
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our children, today's the day to repent and to let it go.
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I mean, Sarah beautifully said the other the other week,
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there's no dirt that cannot be washed off by Jesus.
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There's nothing that Jesus can't take from us.
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I remember so many times, yes, when I did something bad and
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there was this moment of disconnection with my parents
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and I was just hiding in my room.
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Eventually my parents would come into my room and just like my
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Henry father did, they would step into the disconnection and
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they would help me re just like reorientate my internal
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narrative. So I would be there like just
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hiding, crunched over and just telling myself things like, oh,
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I'm just a bad kid. I ruin things.
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Oh, how could anybody possibly love me?
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But then my parents would come in, step into the disconnection
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and help me get back to a position of feeling safe, loved
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and accepted, no matter how much I disobeyed again.
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Sarah said it the other week. Like the gospel is so beautiful
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because it doesn't just restore us, it restores us.
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It lets us tell us something new about ourselves.
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So it's crazy. So Paul said, Paul addressed the
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children directly in Ephesians. And it's crazy because no one
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was doing that in that time. Absolutely no one at all.
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I mean, in, in the average Roman household, the father had
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absolute authority to kill the children, beat the children,
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disown them, sell them into slavery.
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I mean, the children were property and no one would bar an
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eye. I mean, so it's not really a
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high bar for modern parents to jump over.
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I mean modern parents, all modern parents have to do is
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make sure your children's academic, emotional,
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psychological, mental, spiritual, physical and social
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needs are met while being careful not to over stimulate,
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under stimulate, improperly medicate, helicopter or neglect
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them in a screen free process. Free free GMO free, negative,
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energy free plastic free body positive, socially conscious,
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egletarian but also authoritative, nurturing but
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fastening with independence. Gentile but not overly
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permissive. Pesticide free, 2 Storey
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multilingual home preferably being a cul-de-sac with 1.5
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sibling space at least two years apart for profit development.
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Also, don't forget the coconut oil.
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It's not really too hard, is it? Come on.
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This is our children we're talking about.
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You probably have to start being human to be God, to do all of
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that. But come on.
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No, Like in social work, parenting's really difficult.
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You probably give yourself some slack.
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In social work, we have a term called good enough parenting,
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where perfectionism is actually the enemy.
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So like, kids need reasonable frustrations to be able to
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develop, to be resilient in the real world.
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So, yeah, as long as you cover the basics, feed them, give them
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a house to security, and love them occasionally.
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I mean, I'm sure you're doing fine.
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According to social work, you're doing absolutely fine.
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The rest is just gravy. But P Paul addresses the
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children directly, and in doing so, he solidifies their position
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as new creation beings themselves, as full participants
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of God's new creation. They, they themselves are
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ambassadors of God, just like us right now.
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They're not our future missionaries or our future
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evangelists. They're those things right now.
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My parents wanted me to know Jesus most of all the peace that
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he offers. And then they wanted me to be
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able to put on the full armour of God as I went out into the
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world. Because that's the thing about
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embassies, right? Like they exist on foreign soil,
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on contested grounds, our households, our embassies of
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heaven. Or they're also supposed to
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function as missionary outposts behind enemy lines.
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Our kids will leave the safety of of our home.
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They'll go to their classrooms, their group chats, their
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friendship circles. And we hope and we pray that
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they'll carry the name of Jesus with them.
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I mean, so Paul had it in mind that our houses, our homes,
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there would be full time training centres for our
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children, little greenhouses for disciples, disciples who will
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then go and make disciples of their own.
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And let's be honest, if parents don't do the parenting, if
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parents don't raise up children and the Lord, boy, there's
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powerful forces just knocking on the door to influence our kids
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for us. I mean, it's really scary times.
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We've got billion dollar companies just buying and
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competing to influence our children and they don't have our
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children best interests at heart at all.
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I mean, so Meta and Google were recently sued for creating
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intentionally addictive platforms.
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Meta was also sued $375 million for intentionally lying to the
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public about how safe their platforms are for children.
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But the trial found that underage kids were
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systematically being steered towards sexualized content and
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exposed to predators. But one quote from the trial
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reads, Meta executives knew their products harm children,
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disregarded warnings from their employees, and lied to the
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public about what they knew. I mean, oh, you just can't get
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much clearer than that. They don't care about our kids.
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They're just looking for ways to bypass their parents, get
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directly to the kids, addict them on their platform just for
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their own, to drive engagement, for their own bottom line.
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And these massive companies are they're just a few of the tools
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the enemy has at its disposal these days.
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Who wants nothing more to inflict the next generation with
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faithlessness like we hope our children will go out, leave the
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safety of our home, and carry the name of Jesus with them?
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Verses 2 and 3 honour your father and mother, which is the
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first commandment with a promise.
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It's not. I don't know why Paul said that,
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but so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long
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life on the earth. It's funny, Paul miss like
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intentionally misquotes the new test, the Old Testament here.
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I'm like, Deuteronomy does not say that.
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Deuteronomy says so that you may live long in the land your God
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has given you. But Paul expands it beyond
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Israel. He expands it too, so that you
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may enjoy long life on the earth, the whole earth with the
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promises of Christ behind them. The whole earth is our
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children's playground. It's our job to raise them up,
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but then be happy and content if God calls them elsewhere.
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I mean, it really hurts, but they are their own ambassadors
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of him. Last verse fathers, do not
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exacerbate your children. Instead, bring them up in the
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training and instruction of the Lord.
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Don't exacerbate your children. In other words, don't crush
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them. Don't crush their spirit with
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things like unreasonable demands, cruelty, favouritism,
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humiliation, ridicule. I mean, obviously those things
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aren't cool, but in the typical Roman household, they were all
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completely fair game. The father had absolute
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authority. But then here comes Paul
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limiting their authority. Fathers were no longer supposed
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to be tyrants or army officers. They're supposed to be
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shepherds, disciple makers. Like when I was preparing for
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this, I really wrestled with this first.
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Oh boy. And I asked a bunch of parents,
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OK, So what are the trends and instructions of the law that
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you're trying to instill in your kids?
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And then what would I want to instill in my kids if God
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blesses me with children one day?
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And the parents, their responses, they came back to me
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with often just like a list of good values.
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Like they wanted their kids to be kind and empathetic and
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generous. And it's like, great, that's
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fine. But is that all this verse is
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reaching for? Are we just trying to raise kids
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with good values? So I mean, to really attack the
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verse for myself, I went back to the Greek, we're going to get
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nerdy here for a second. Don't worry, it's worth it.
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But in the Greek it says something like instead ectropho
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nourish, feed your children in the pedia and the new thesia of
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the Lord pedia training. It's the same word used in
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Timothy. All scripture is God breathed
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and it's useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and
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training in righteousness. Now it doesn't just mean
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correcting or disciplining our children as most commentators
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say. I mean, yes, of course we've got
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to discipline our kids in a controlled and measured way.
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But I don't know this word payday.
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It's reaching for something more, something greater.
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It's Speaking of something like you have to form the whole of
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the child in a Jesus shaped reality that is actually in in
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your home. It's actually evident.
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And the new Thesian instruction, this is talking about teaching
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children how to look at the world through the lens of the
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cross. That includes looking at things
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like money, power, sex, forgiveness, even their enemies.
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You have to look at all those things through the lens of the
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cross. How does Jesus dying and raising
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again actually impact everything I say, think, and do?
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I mean, to put it back together in one sentence, I think this
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verse is really trying to say something like we have to.
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We're trying to raise children who instinctively reach out for
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Jesus, think like him, and then actually live in a freedom
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that's been purchased for them. And this takes all of us.
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It's not just parents, but the whole spiritual family, every
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single one of us here. I mean, So what does this really
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look like? I mean, So what would be the
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results of this? What's top of my wish list if
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God does bless me with children? I just want to share a few of
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those before I close. I think firstly, I would want
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them to love basking in grace. Jesus said to me, come all who
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are weary and I will give you rest.
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Rest not wisdom, not A to do list, but rest.
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I'd want my I would want my child to know that the world
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cannot offer the same sort of rest that is on offer at the
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foot of the cross or the empty tomb.
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I'd want them to move towards broken people, not away like
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Jesus did. Because what flows in flows out.
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I think when you bask in grace, you soften, you become less
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harsh. You realize it took a whole
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guard dying to save you. So what right do you have to
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judge anybody else? I mean.
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And when you stop judging people, you start to have
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solidarity with them. You see yourself in their
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struggles. You see yourself in their story.
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Because we all have the same story anyway, don't we?
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Like Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound that saved a
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Wretch like me. You forgive because you've been
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forgiven. You love because you've been
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loved. Grace leaks, it spills, it
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overflows. You move towards broken people
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because broken people are all there are.
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I'd also want my child to have reordered loves where treasure,
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status, comfort, no long have top of the list.
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In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said don't pray long
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prayers like the Pharisees do. I mean in other words, don't
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chase human approval because it's fickle and you already have
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God's approval in full anywhere you don't need it.
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He also said don't store earthly treasure, as in don't look to
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the world for the security that only God can give you.
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Instead, invest in heavenly treasure where Moss and vermin
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do not destroy and where thieves do not break in a steel.
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For where your treasure is, there your heart will be.
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Also, I'd want my child to be generous because they already
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know that they have everything they need.
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I mean, those are just a few, just to give you a flavour.
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Another one that I really like is Jesus.
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So do you remember there was a party at the Pharisee's house,
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the Pharisee's leader's house, and everyone was climbing around
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for the top seat of honour. And Jesus was like, no, take the
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bottom seat and then be invited up.
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I mean, you don't need the approval of all these humans.
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You don't need to play the games anymore because you're a new
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creation being. You can just take the last seat.
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I try and live by that. If the band could come up.
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Of course, I can't really ask any of my children to do this,
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to do any of these, if I don't first do them myself.
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I have to study God's word. I have to strengthen my prayer
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life and I have to walk by faith myself if I'm going to ask if
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I'm going to be a disciple maker.
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I just want to finish by reading this quote and then I'll pray
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for us. The house that builds each of
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us, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, is the House of
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grace, built from the wood of a Roman cross, decorated with the
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holiness of the Spirit and inhabited by the Father who
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holds us all in his lap of mercy.
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The table overflows with the sweet desserts of the Kingdom of
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God. The foundation will never crack.
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The roof never leaks. This is the house that Jesus
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built, the house that builds our lives, our loves, our
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identities. It is a house for failures who
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are beloved of the Father in whom he rejoices as only an
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Abacan. Blessed are those who fail have
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been super moms and super dads, for they are forgiving children
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of our Father in heaven. Father God, we thank You that
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You are our perfect parent in the House of the Lord.
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The foundations will never crack.
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We look to you for wisdom as we come together to raise the
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children that you have gifted us with.
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How we thank you for them. You have entrusted us of all
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people. May we honor you as we honor
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them in Jesus. Name.
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Thank you for listening to the Dorchester Family Church
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podcast. We pray that God's Word ignited
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a flame in you today to burn brighter for Him.
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But the journey doesn't stop here.
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Stay motivated by visiting dfc.org.uk to get plugged into
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community, join a small group, find serving opportunities, and
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take your next steps in joyfully living out your faith every day.
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Please join us next week as we continue being equipped to
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wholeheartedly worship, intentionally grow, and boldly
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go make disciples. Grace and peace until next time.