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BASIC BLAQUE AFTER DARK EVERY 1ST & 3RD FRIDAY · DA CREW Podcast

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  Speaker 1: Binged in to Basic Black after Dawn to show that
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  Speaker 1: meet you where you are and give you what you
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  Speaker 1: asked for. Tonight, we're digging into the real work, healing
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  Speaker 1: the parts of us we had to hide just to survive.
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  Speaker 1: Our focus is walking in your purpose with self discipline.
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  Speaker 1: We're diving into cracks in the surface, strengthen the core
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  Speaker 1: not easily broken, and we're exploring pages twenty four through
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  Speaker 1: twenty seven. So I'm hoping you listeners got your book
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  Speaker 1: falling on the conversation of truth telling us and thought
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  Speaker 1: shifters who are showing up with transparency and heart. We
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  Speaker 1: are also honored to be guided by our expert consultant,
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  Speaker 1: doctor Carolyn Stevens, whose wisdom enables us to delve deeper
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  Speaker 1: and achieve greater insights. So again, grab your work book,
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  Speaker 1: settle in, and let's begin the journey of what in
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  Speaker 1: your purpose with self discipline. Person without the discipline can
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  Speaker 1: become a dream deferred panel. What daily habits or sacrifices
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  Speaker 1: have you had to commit to aligned with your purpose
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  Speaker 1: and in somebody? What daily habits or sacrifices have you
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  Speaker 1: had to commit to a sacrifice?
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  Speaker 2: Mm hmmm hm.
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  Speaker 1: When you found yourself of track, whether.
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  Speaker 2: By your.
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  Speaker 1: What hell a person? Was it a moment or was
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  Speaker 1: it a mindset shift?
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  Speaker 3: Shift for me because of the simple fact that.
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  Speaker 4: My faith in God got me back on track with
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  Speaker 4: with my life situation. Because I had been brought up
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  Speaker 4: in the church and I had stepped stepped away from
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  Speaker 4: God and then you know, some situations happened in my
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  Speaker 4: life to make me closer.
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  Speaker 5: Our lives no matter you know.
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  Speaker 6: What, and we should allow Him to take control of
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  Speaker 6: our lives so that we can be we can live
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  Speaker 6: our destiny and fit and see you know where he
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  Speaker 6: sees fit in our lives.
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  Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mm hmm, yeah, mm hmmm.
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  Speaker 7: Mm hmm.
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  Speaker 8: To be honest with you, I it's ironic because there
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  Speaker 8: was a period, I think we spoke about this briefly before.
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  Speaker 8: There was a period that I actually pulled away. I
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  Speaker 8: pulled away from the world. I pulled away from everybody
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  Speaker 8: you know, friends, family, everybody for for for three years.
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  Speaker 8: I didn't socialize, I didn't hang out nothing for three years.
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  Speaker 8: And uh yeah, I was under so during the during
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  Speaker 8: during the time I was only going we have rehabilitation
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  Speaker 8: and physical therapy. But that time helped me to reassess.
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  Speaker 8: You know, I had people convinced that the people have
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  Speaker 8: me convinced that I was quote unquote broken or damaged goods,
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  Speaker 8: and it really put me in a dark place for
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  Speaker 8: a long time. But when I realized I need to
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  Speaker 8: put myself I don't want, I don't I don't mean
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  Speaker 8: it from the standpoint of being selfish, but there's a
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  Speaker 8: there's a there's a there's an average. The virtues of
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  Speaker 8: selfishness simply means that you have to put yourself first
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  Speaker 8: because if you can't help yourself, what good are you doing?
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  Speaker 8: What good are you to anybody else? And so I
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  Speaker 8: had to reassess, because you know what we're always told,
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  Speaker 8: what we're taught, don't be selfish, don't be selfish. But
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  Speaker 8: when you look at it from from from a standpoint
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  Speaker 8: of living living life, if you are not a little
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  Speaker 8: bit selfish, meaning put your put yourself first, then what
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  Speaker 8: good do you see anybody else? If you can't take
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  Speaker 8: care of yourself, who can you take care Absolutely the
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  Speaker 8: biggest obstacle me, but the biggest for me was putting
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  Speaker 8: myself back on the front burner and without without without
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  Speaker 8: diminishing the relationships with other people. I had to fix
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  Speaker 8: me first, and and and and so that took me
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  Speaker 8: a process of three four years. And you know, people
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  Speaker 8: I got you know, Phone, I was worried about you.
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  Speaker 8: And but then I realized the worry was not about me,
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  Speaker 8: per saying.
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  Speaker 5: And my well being.
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  Speaker 8: The worry was that when they called them me, it
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  Speaker 8: needed something I wasn't there. When I realized that, when
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  Speaker 8: I realized that it made the biggest difference in the world.
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  Speaker 5: I second, that.
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  Speaker 1: Allowed you to leave a room for healing and or
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  Speaker 1: I believe yes, yes, so, Doctor Carroll Man, you often
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  Speaker 1: speak about healing as both a personal and spiritual journey.
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  Speaker 1: How can individuals learn to see self discipline not as
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  Speaker 1: a punishment but as a sacred practice, especially when the
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  Speaker 1: past drama or trauma, when emotional wounds may structure feel
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  Speaker 1: like control rather than care.
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  Speaker 9: Mm So, discipline is one of the words that I
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  Speaker 9: absolutely love because the word discipline is a derivative of
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  Speaker 9: a Greek word, which is called disciplus. And when you
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  Speaker 9: translate that word in the Greek discipline.
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  Speaker 5: It means to learn, So it means that we are learners.
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  Speaker 9: So when you look at the biblical passages, when Jesus
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  Speaker 9: called disciples. He called men who were learners, they were learners.
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  Speaker 9: And so when we think about discipline, and the reason
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  Speaker 9: why I wanted to preface what the meaning of that
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  Speaker 9: word was is because now if we look at discipline
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  Speaker 9: as the process of learning, so you discipline yourself as
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  Speaker 9: far as how you eat, because I'm not punishing myself
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  Speaker 9: by abstaining from certain food.
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  Speaker 5: I'm learning how to eat better so that my body
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  Speaker 5: so that my mind can be better.
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  Speaker 9: I discipline myself to exercise or to engage in physical
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  Speaker 9: activity because I'm learning to treat my body better. I'm
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  Speaker 9: learning how to get my body in paid I discipline myself,
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  Speaker 9: I'm gonna use me. For example, I typically wake up
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  Speaker 9: anywhere from well, on average, I'm wake between six and
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  Speaker 9: six thirty am. I hadn't always did that, but the
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  Speaker 9: more business minded I became, I realized, in order for
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  Speaker 9: me to get all the things done in a day
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  Speaker 9: that I want to get done, in order for me
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  Speaker 9: to learn ways how to avoid being anxious, I needed
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  Speaker 9: to get up early. So I learned a different I
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  Speaker 9: learned another way of managing my time. So basically, when
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  Speaker 9: we talk about discipline, I think because people look at
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  Speaker 9: it only theyin the word discipline as being.
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  Speaker 5: A bad thing, and so they associated in a way
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  Speaker 5: that says.
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  Speaker 9: To them, I now have to live this, and there's
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  Speaker 9: nothing wrong with structure, okay, but I don't have the
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  Speaker 9: ability to be free. You discipline yourself so you can
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  Speaker 9: be free. That's why you discipline yourself so that you
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  Speaker 9: can be free. Because people who live out of discipline
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  Speaker 9: and structure, in the long run, they're not going to
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  Speaker 9: end up being free. They're going to end up being bound.
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  Speaker 9: That that's what's going to happen. So what I would
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  Speaker 9: suggest for tonight's purposes and for our guests that are
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  Speaker 9: listening on that we begin to take the people dive
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  Speaker 9: into what the definition of that word discipline is. It's
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  Speaker 9: not a bad thing, discipline good thing. It means that
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  Speaker 9: I am in around it.
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  Speaker 1: So that's one of those key action words I would say.
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  Speaker 1: So let's turn our attention to to page twenty four.
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  Speaker 1: In the work for this section pushed us to reflect
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  Speaker 1: and take inventory of where we are in our journey
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  Speaker 1: and guides us through eight core actions, challenging us to
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  Speaker 1: identify what's holding us back we're moving, what no longer
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  Speaker 1: serves us, setting boundaries, the new habits, creating space for healing,
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  Speaker 1: nourishing our bodies with healthy food, changing our thinking, and
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  Speaker 1: giving our self grace. Which one of these actions has
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  Speaker 1: been hardest for any one of you, And why.
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  Speaker 3: A Well, I think I would talk for me.
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  Speaker 4: I would say to eat often and but healthy, because
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  Speaker 4: I think, as you mentioned before, Black Diamond, we're all
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  Speaker 4: busy and sometimes it's just quicker to you know, get
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  Speaker 4: something unhealthy than to you know, take the time to
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  Speaker 4: get that you know, the healthy part of it. And
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  Speaker 4: I think it's important to make sure that you are,
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  Speaker 4: you know, eating healthy and correctly because you know, you
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  Speaker 4: have to feed your you have to fuel your brain
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  Speaker 4: to get through your day versus you know, what you
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  Speaker 4: put in your body is most important because it determines
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  Speaker 4: how you feel throughout the day. So for me learning
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  Speaker 4: to change that as I am becoming more busy, it's
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  Speaker 4: important for me to change that and be more disciplined
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  Speaker 4: in that area so I can live it through my
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  Speaker 4: day without feeling, you know, so sluggish.
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  Speaker 2: Or sleepy.
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  Speaker 1: That probably you know, it's so ironic. Maybe we can
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  Speaker 1: give you one of those pies that you were talking
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  Speaker 1: about earlier that you know, and they boost you up
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  Speaker 1: a little bit to make sure that you get one
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  Speaker 1: of those pies. You mention what pie it is, but
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  Speaker 1: we're gonna make sure you get one of those piles.
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  Speaker 1: So it'll just give me that energy. Which one was
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  Speaker 1: the which one has the highest, Which one has the
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  Speaker 1: greatest impact in transforming the way you walk in your purpose?
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  Speaker 1: Of those disciplines, I'm sorry those key action worsy, I'm
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  Speaker 1: saying disciplined already, Thank you, doctor ce for that. Which
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  Speaker 1: one had the impact and transforming the way you walk
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  Speaker 1: in purpose?
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  Speaker 4: You know what I would have to say, change perception
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  Speaker 4: about willpower? I think for me, you know, I can't
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  Speaker 4: just admit it, be transparent about always being an over thinker.
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  Speaker 4: I think for me, changing my perception about a lot
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  Speaker 4: of things have gotten me to where I am now.
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  Speaker 3: Everything is always mental for me. And then just just
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  Speaker 3: surrounding my with such supportive.
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  Speaker 2: People, you know, like.
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  Speaker 5: It was always and.
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  Speaker 4: So just being around people who kind of help you
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  Speaker 4: create those those good habits, even in those positive thought patterns,
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  Speaker 4: is the biggest thing for me on this journey.
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  Speaker 1: You got a fan over here for you, fearing Bruce Logan.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: He says, if you're not following author family. Yet you're
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: the true real stories and powerful inspiration. Wow, she said,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: hit that follow button. Then feel the difference words can
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: you make?
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  Speaker 2: There? You go?
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  Speaker 1: Hey, So anybody else want to share I have identified
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  Speaker 1: with any one of those action words, whether it was
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  Speaker 1: impactful or whether it was one of the hardest things
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  Speaker 1: for you, I can go.
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  Speaker 10: I would say for me, setting clear goals and have
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  Speaker 10: an ex plan is probably like one of my biggest struggle.
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  Speaker 3: Not always blame it on me being a creative.
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  Speaker 10: It's like, so sometimes having an outline or a clear
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  Speaker 10: like step by step that doesn't always work. I'm a visionary,
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  Speaker 10: so like I see things like I know what I want,
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  Speaker 10: and I kind of just haphazardly go about, you know,
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  Speaker 10: you know, making it happen, and then when it happens,
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  Speaker 10: it's like, oh, like yeah, like it worked out, you know,
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  Speaker 10: so then I don't really have a way to you know,
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  Speaker 10: to track it. So I think that I appreciate what
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  Speaker 10: doctor Carolyn doctor even said about just having discipline and
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  Speaker 10: you know, not feeling like discipline is a punishment, you know,
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  Speaker 10: it really is a tool to help us, you know,
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  Speaker 10: be better and work towards the old, olden gold, which
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  Speaker 10: is freedom. And I don't know exactly how you word
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  Speaker 10: to doctor Carolyn, but when you said so you can
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  Speaker 10: be free as opposed to being in bond it just
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  Speaker 10: like when by the time you sit down and realize
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  Speaker 10: that everything you just did had no structure, it had
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  Speaker 10: no discipline, It's like you really just end up back
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  Speaker 10: at square one, you know, in a form of bondage,
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  Speaker 10: like you're not really because you have no way to
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  Speaker 10: track it, you have no way to execute it again
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  Speaker 10: for another endeavor. You know, you just kind of all
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  Speaker 10: over the place. So that that's actually it's really hard
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  Speaker 10: for me. I just kind of go about stuff and
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  Speaker 10: credit God that it works.
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  Speaker 5: So black, I mean, I say something right there because
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  Speaker 5: I love that Shana brought that out.
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  Speaker 9: Because I'm a creative as well, and a lot of
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  Speaker 9: people who are watching would say, you know, I'm a
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  Speaker 9: creative and I'm a free spirit, and in which I am,
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  Speaker 9: I'm a creative and I'm a free spirit. So God
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  Speaker 9: wants us to be living authentically okay, and and always
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  Speaker 9: continue to live your authentic life. So what I found
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  Speaker 9: for me, because I am creative as well, is I
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  Speaker 9: always look at my why Okay, Okay, well, why do why.
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  Speaker 5: Do I want to be free? And when we talk
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  Speaker 5: about freedom, what does freedom look like for me?
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  Speaker 8: Okay?
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  Speaker 9: So if I may use the layman's terms here, Okay,
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  Speaker 9: for me, I don't. Freedom doesn't look like being broke
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  Speaker 9: for me. To me, that's the freedom.
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  Speaker 5: Okay.
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  Speaker 9: Well, if you broke, then you're really free. That's what
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  Speaker 9: I meant by being free. So what do I have
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  Speaker 9: to do in order for me to not go there?
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  Speaker 5: Okay? And so I realized that as a creative person,
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  Speaker 5: there's a part.
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  Speaker 9: Of my day that I like to have when I
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  Speaker 9: can just not do anything for a couple hours or
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  Speaker 9: an hour if I want to, And that's that kind
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  Speaker 9: of is really important to me, which is why I
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  Speaker 9: had to develop a system. And if I don't say
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  Speaker 9: anything here tonight, I want everybody here, our listeners and
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  Speaker 9: all of us to learn that a part of the
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  Speaker 9: therapeutic journey in order to heal is because sometimes we
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  Speaker 9: did not grow up with systems, or we were coming
• 18:52
  Speaker 9: into a family that is already a system, but unfortunately
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  Speaker 9: that system may have been broken, and so that's itself
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  Speaker 9: was broke, then we develop broken.
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  Speaker 5: Types of habits.
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  Speaker 9: I hope everybody understand that, okay, or because of trauma,
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  Speaker 9: then those systems become broken. And so with prayer, with
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  Speaker 9: connecting with the right people, which I think is very important,
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  Speaker 9: then we have to relearn effective and positive systems that
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  Speaker 9: we can put in place that help us to be
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  Speaker 9: our authentic self while we're in a place where we
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  Speaker 9: see ourselves moving and we see ourselves doing some things.
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  Speaker 5: So one of the things that I like to do.
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  Speaker 9: I like to do is because I know that I'm
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  Speaker 9: a free spirited person, you know, I like to I
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  Speaker 9: like to work with people who may be different from me,
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  Speaker 9: you know, different different from me in terms of how
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  Speaker 9: they go boy doing.
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  Speaker 5: Because I know that together we'll come up with, you know,
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  Speaker 5: a much better plan.
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  Speaker 9: And so I'm very intentional about the way that I
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  Speaker 9: connect with people and who I connect with. And I'm
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  Speaker 9: not always looking for somebody to be like doctor Carolyn.
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  Speaker 9: You know, sometimes I want to connect with people who
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  Speaker 9: are different from me so that I can learn different things.
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  Speaker 9: So I just wanted to throw that in there as
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  Speaker 9: soon as I thought.
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  Speaker 1: So which one, Yeah, I love. I loved her response.
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  Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna get a horn whenever I hear
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  Speaker 1: the word intention on she know why I'm saying that
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: because I just love that intention. Which one do you believe,
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  Speaker 1: doctor Carolyn? People resist the most when they're trying to
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  Speaker 1: walk in purpose, no, remove, set, build, create, eat, change
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  Speaker 1: or get And how do you how do you help
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  Speaker 1: them back through the resistance in a way that honor
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: is both the healing and the growth.
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  Speaker 11: Change hands down, in my job, change is the most
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  Speaker 11: challenging thing.
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  Speaker 9: For client I have found. And if we're all honest here,
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  Speaker 9: all of us have some level of resistance to wanting
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  Speaker 9: to change. Why because we think that we're okay, and
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  Speaker 9: we think we're right. We just we just think that
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  Speaker 9: we're right. And why do we think that we're right.
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  Speaker 9: We think that we're right because we've been doing it
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  Speaker 9: for ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty years, okay.
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  Speaker 5: And so someone comes along and offers you.
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  Speaker 9: A different way or a better way, then we automatically
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  Speaker 9: we resist. We resist that, and we resist that because
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  Speaker 9: there is a part of us that does not want
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  Speaker 9: us to that.
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  Speaker 5: We don't want change. Okay. So change, I would say,
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  Speaker 5: is it is the hardest.
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  Speaker 9: It is the hardest. It is the hardest thing, you know,
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  Speaker 9: But you know, ask yourself the question. You have to
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  Speaker 9: do a lot of introspection and ask yourself the question,
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  Speaker 9: how is that really working for you?
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  Speaker 5: How's that? How does that work?
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  Speaker 2: Change can be.
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  Speaker 1: So change can be a challenge for some as well.
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  Speaker 1: We explore the emotional challenges that can silently sabotage our progress,
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  Speaker 1: things like fear, guilt, shame, grief, or even self doubt.
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  Speaker 1: Which emotional challenge has been the loudest in any one
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  Speaker 1: of your lives and how have you learned to manage
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  Speaker 1: it without letting it define your path?
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  Speaker 8: Mm hmmm, I think anger has been.
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  Speaker 4: Well.
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  Speaker 8: I mean because when I again, I have to go
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  Speaker 8: back to the the results of the constantly of my accent.
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  Speaker 8: Because I went to sleep for seven months, and when
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  Speaker 8: I woke up, I had no idea who I was.
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  Speaker 8: I had two businesses. And I'm not being boastful, but
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  Speaker 8: just realistic. I had two businesses. I was making very
• 23:26
  Speaker 8: very very very good money, and I could go where
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  Speaker 8: I wanted, to do what I wanted when I wanted,
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  Speaker 8: and didn't have to worry about it. And when I
• 23:36
  Speaker 8: woke up and realized that had changed, I I was
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  Speaker 8: I was angry, I was bitter. It took me several
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  Speaker 8: years to get beyond that I had this habit. And again,
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  Speaker 8: doctor care you suggested need for change, and and and
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  Speaker 8: there their the resentment, there is the resistance to it.
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  Speaker 8: And long story short, my late mother she took me
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  Speaker 8: to this jewelry store where she said I used to
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  Speaker 8: frequent and because I could not grasp the fact that
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  Speaker 8: I was not wearing where I remember being, I went
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  Speaker 8: in the store and in less than an hour I
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  Speaker 8: made purchases totally over twenty five thousand dollars. And then
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  Speaker 8: when I realized, you know, when we when we when
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  Speaker 8: we left the store, my mother said, baby, you have
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  Speaker 8: to understand you can't do what you used to do.
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  Speaker 8: And it still took me a minute for the register.
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  Speaker 5: But I think that that.
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  Speaker 8: The challenge for anyone is, you know, accepting that change,
• 25:05
  Speaker 8: whether it's your fault or lot and and and you know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 8: I had a discussion with someone and she made a
• 25:14
  Speaker 8: comment and she goes, I've been this, I've been to
• 25:16
  Speaker 8: the same for thirty years. I'm like, that's not a
• 25:20
  Speaker 8: good thing. Don't tell anybody that that's another good thing.
• 25:24
  Speaker 8: But change is necessary. How does that, how does that?
• 25:29
  Speaker 8: How does that one ancren go into a massive oak
• 25:32
  Speaker 8: Tree without change.
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but can I can I try a little bit
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: on all the change?
• 25:40
  Speaker 8: Oh, definitely.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:43
  Speaker 12: I would say this the biggest thing that I've learned
• 25:46
  Speaker 12: about change, And I mean we all are everyone is
• 25:48
  Speaker 12: aware that one thing is constant in our lives, that
• 25:51
  Speaker 12: everything will change. And regardless of the fact that if
• 25:55
  Speaker 12: someone believes that they are in a place that they've
• 25:59
  Speaker 12: been in for years, that is just not true.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: It's not true. In the scheme of life.
• 26:05
  Speaker 12: We all make incremental changes, small, big, meaning whatever that
• 26:08
  Speaker 12: looks like in our lives. But I think that what
• 26:11
  Speaker 12: we were a lot of times we're stuck on the
• 26:14
  Speaker 12: concept of that we want everything to stay the same
• 26:17
  Speaker 12: when nothing does. And as we're as we're going through
• 26:21
  Speaker 12: those things, I think the emotional tie to what's familiar
• 26:28
  Speaker 12: is what keeps us from growing and in the thirty
• 26:32
  Speaker 12: of a situation, keeps us from wanting to something different.
• 26:36
  Speaker 12: And sometimes the thing that's different is the breakthrough that
• 26:40
  Speaker 12: you need to actually get to where you want to go.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So that's that's the biggest difference to.
• 26:46
  Speaker 12: Me of change, of wanting to change and change already
• 26:50
  Speaker 12: happening anyway. Like in BG's case, your change came and
• 26:53
  Speaker 12: it had nothing to do with you personally. You had
• 26:56
  Speaker 12: to adopt a new life, become a become someone that
• 26:58
  Speaker 12: you didn't that you did that from existed out becoming
• 27:03
  Speaker 12: someone totally different and now living that life in a
• 27:06
  Speaker 12: different capacity, in a different way.
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: Change is going to come.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Our way no matter what.
• 27:11
  Speaker 12: The biggest thing is having a mindset, the habit that
• 27:15
  Speaker 12: understanding as life happens to you, giving yourself tools to
• 27:20
  Speaker 12: be successful with does because it will.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: If you have someone here, Bruce. He says that Ray
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: brings the structure, you bring the hunger. Yes she does.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: She's intentional. Guys, So, doctor Carolyn, emotional changes, like we
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: just discussed with the guilt and the self doubt, it
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: often stems from wounds we haven't fully addressed. When people
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: are trying to walk in purpose but are still emotionally
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: triggered or stuck, how do you help them begin untangling
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: those emotions without them feeling overwhelming the shutdown.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: So again, in.
• 28:06
  Speaker 9: My practice and in my life, everything is based on
• 28:12
  Speaker 9: a process. So as a therapist, I basically take people
• 28:18
  Speaker 9: through a process. It's it's not a quick overnight fix,
• 28:22
  Speaker 9: but it's through a process. And so when people are
• 28:27
  Speaker 9: struggling with things like guilt. You know, we go back again.
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: One of my clients said, doctor Carroll, and that's your
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: favorite word.
• 28:38
  Speaker 9: It is because it's so powerful, the word why, Because
• 28:42
  Speaker 9: everything has a why, and to go back and to
• 28:46
  Speaker 9: discover what is the why?
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: You know, how did you get how did you get
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: to the why?
• 28:54
  Speaker 9: You feel guilty or you feel ashamed because there is
• 28:58
  Speaker 9: a why. Because of that, I often use this analogy.
• 29:04
  Speaker 9: People just don't wake up one day and sit on
• 29:07
  Speaker 9: the side of their bed and say, hmmm, I think
• 29:10
  Speaker 9: today I'm going to be a drug addict. It doesn't
• 29:13
  Speaker 9: happen that way. Okay, it happened that way, you know.
• 29:18
  Speaker 9: And if we look at things like that, it should
• 29:24
  Speaker 9: cause us to be a bit more empathetic and sympathetic
• 29:27
  Speaker 9: and not so judgmental, you know, because people don't make
• 29:33
  Speaker 9: a decision that, hey, I'm going to be a certain way.
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: What we're looking at is the result of a deeper why.
• 29:44
  Speaker 9: There's always and speaking with Rachel, I think it was
• 29:48
  Speaker 9: one day this week, and when Rachel and I talk,
• 29:51
  Speaker 9: we have very powerful talks. But something that I said
• 29:56
  Speaker 9: to her, I said, you have to see where a
• 29:59
  Speaker 9: person and is coming from because they're coming from somewhere
• 30:05
  Speaker 9: where you see, the person may just have been a destination,
• 30:11
  Speaker 9: but you have to understand that they got to that
• 30:13
  Speaker 9: destination for a reason and they're coming from somewhere. So
• 30:20
  Speaker 9: in therapy we learn to sometimes take the person back
• 30:25
  Speaker 9: there or find out where exactly are they coming from,
• 30:29
  Speaker 9: because that's where the ideologies have been shaped, their neural
• 30:34
  Speaker 9: pathologies have been shaped. Basically, the way that they think
• 30:39
  Speaker 9: is because they've come from They've come from somewhere. And
• 30:43
  Speaker 9: so I'm the person that helps you to understand or
• 30:47
  Speaker 9: to take a deep dive as to where have you
• 30:51
  Speaker 9: come from?
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: Basically where have you? Where have you come from?
• 30:55
  Speaker 9: And I know that mays because somebody might say, Okay,
• 30:59
  Speaker 9: well they know where that came from. No, not necessarily,
• 31:02
  Speaker 9: not necessarily, they don't know where they came from. We
• 31:04
  Speaker 9: have all come from somewhere. We all behave the way
• 31:09
  Speaker 9: that we do for various reasons, and when we are
• 31:13
  Speaker 9: exuding a lot of toxic behaviors in our lives, in
• 31:16
  Speaker 9: certain parts of our lives, we do have.
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: To begin to sit down and talk about the why
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: why do I behave this way? Why am I really?
• 31:26
  Speaker 9: And that's the part that I think where people resist
• 31:30
  Speaker 9: the change because they're.
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: Really afraid of the deep dive.
• 31:36
  Speaker 9: They are they are afraid of the deep dive, and
• 31:40
  Speaker 9: so say, are yeah, staying where you are? It's just
• 31:46
  Speaker 9: easier for some people. And that's why change becomes scary.
• 31:49
  Speaker 10: For some people.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so trebat it says absolutely. And and the why
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: with the why, some people have a plan. They have
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: a plan A, B or C. Purpose can or always
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: follow a straight path, though sometimes play doesn't. And we're
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: forced to pivot as you pursue your purpose, what has
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: planned A looked like for you? And then life didn't
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: go as planned? How do you adapt with a plan
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: B or see without losing sight of your calling? Everybody,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I believe comes up with there playing yes, sha't no.
• 32:26
  Speaker 12: This ty.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Oh sorry, Bobby.
• 32:29
  Speaker 7: I wanted to bring in something from our world book.
• 32:33
  Speaker 7: On page twenty five and the book, right up under
• 32:39
  Speaker 7: the list of the action words, we see a sentence
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: that says, we are not born with the ability to
• 32:50
  Speaker 7: manage our impulses. Self discipline is not something that you
• 32:56
  Speaker 7: should expect yourself to have or to matter. And this
• 33:01
  Speaker 7: is a quote from dot John Help and that's particular
• 33:06
  Speaker 7: statement as I was looking back over these action words
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: of walking in purpose with self discipline, and I agree
• 33:18
  Speaker 7: from experience and from being a disciple, which is now
• 33:23
  Speaker 7: clearly identified as being a learner, that we're not born
• 33:27
  Speaker 7: with that ability. We're already born into system, into a world,
• 33:34
  Speaker 7: into a society, into a culture, into an environment that's
• 33:39
  Speaker 7: already conducive to brokenness already, whether it's something that we
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: have identified through our wives or not.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: And I like how.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: Coach Rachel said it.
• 33:56
  Speaker 7: There's some things that you know they were changing any way,
• 34:00
  Speaker 7: but because we don't have innate ability to recognize those changes,
• 34:07
  Speaker 7: we don't and when we see them, we don't have
• 34:09
  Speaker 7: the innate ability to comprehend them.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: So there comes the wonderfulness.
• 34:18
  Speaker 7: Of God's love for us that he gives us therapists,
• 34:22
  Speaker 7: he gives us life coaches, he gives us this platform.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: So it's not just one way or.
• 34:33
  Speaker 7: Just meeting other people, as doctor Carolyn says, that are
• 34:37
  Speaker 7: different from you. Being disciple. Being a learner will cause
• 34:42
  Speaker 7: our mindsets to shift because we can at least reach
• 34:47
  Speaker 7: that point of I want to learn, not that I've
• 34:51
  Speaker 7: learned already, but I have a willingness to learn. So
• 34:54
  Speaker 7: no matter what I'm brought into, whether it seems to
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: be a negative or a posit, that's a place for me.
• 35:03
  Speaker 7: And then with that mindset, we become willing to listen.
• 35:09
  Speaker 7: And when we're willing to listen, we can learn and
• 35:11
  Speaker 7: we can change. But that barrier is already innately in us.
• 35:17
  Speaker 7: So I appreciate what doctor Webb has and listen. If
• 35:21
  Speaker 7: you don't have the workbook, you don't have the book.
• 35:24
  Speaker 7: You need to get the book and the work book.
• 35:26
  Speaker 7: It's a learning process. It's not a read.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: This is not a read. This is actually a resource
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: and a tool that's different.
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: Sometimes we buy things, and I mean we have library
• 35:41
  Speaker 7: full of books we have and I don't mean that
• 35:44
  Speaker 7: in a slam because I'm an author among authors.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: But listen, listen to hear me out.
• 35:49
  Speaker 7: To have the mindset that I bought the book so
• 35:52
  Speaker 7: that I can learn, makes the difference between a great
• 35:56
  Speaker 7: read on the shelf.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: And then a life change experience I wanna learn?
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Does this even mean?
• 36:05
  Speaker 7: So now there's a shift that does come when we
• 36:08
  Speaker 7: take that position of I'm a learner. May not agree
• 36:13
  Speaker 7: with what I'm hearing, but I'm gonna listen and I'm
• 36:16
  Speaker 7: gonna learn. Our spirituality is something we don't have control
• 36:22
  Speaker 7: over it. That's why we can change with the win.
• 36:25
  Speaker 7: One day we've got it all together, next day we
• 36:27
  Speaker 7: don't have it all together. That's our spirit being. So
• 36:30
  Speaker 7: we're not the master of that. It doesn't matter. We're
• 36:34
  Speaker 7: not the master of it. If it was, we wouldn't
• 36:36
  Speaker 7: even have funky days. We would all have cool days.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: We have days because we don't run that that spirit.
• 36:44
  Speaker 7: So we have to go to the one who's able
• 36:49
  Speaker 7: to discipline our spirits beyond our control. I want to
• 36:54
  Speaker 7: thank each of you that are on this panel and
• 36:57
  Speaker 7: the guests that are listening. My mottoes, all my marks
• 37:04
  Speaker 7: that I carry around my shoulder is I can learn
• 37:07
  Speaker 7: from everybody.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: Everybody comes into my life with one goal. You're gonna
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: teach me something.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: I don't have to ask you.
• 37:14
  Speaker 7: Your life is gonna teach me. Everybody that I meet,
• 37:18
  Speaker 7: I intentionally teach you something. You don't have to want
• 37:22
  Speaker 7: to nobody, but we teach one another.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: So I'm grateful for that. The workbook is a two.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: It is not a reed. Creaks in the surface strengthen
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: the core. I'm gonna say it again, this is not
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: a reed.
• 37:40
  Speaker 7: This is not some entertainment. It is actually a too.
• 37:46
  Speaker 7: Be willing to learn, be disciplined, Be disciplined, and you'll
• 37:52
  Speaker 7: find out that way up on all them funky days
• 37:55
  Speaker 7: and funky attitudes and all that stuff, there's a heel
• 37:58
  Speaker 7: and that's already in that. We just gotta be willing
• 38:01
  Speaker 7: to learn so we can get One last thing I
• 38:04
  Speaker 7: want to say about being a part of this.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: Journey.
• 38:10
  Speaker 7: As doctor Carolyn said, it's a process. So when something
• 38:15
  Speaker 7: doesn't work right away, it doesn't mean it wasn't effective.
• 38:19
  Speaker 7: It just means this process that's okay, it's okay to
• 38:23
  Speaker 7: go through it. But one of my weaknesses Black Diamond
• 38:29
  Speaker 7: from the other lesson Thnight is is that when I'm
• 38:33
  Speaker 7: faced with this type of a platform and in my
• 38:35
  Speaker 7: personal life, I have to remind myself I'm an overcomer.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I can't always take into context the things that have
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: happened to me.
• 38:46
  Speaker 7: I have to be a learner to know. Listen, that happened,
• 38:49
  Speaker 7: that was funky. I'm overcoming that. I can't keep rehearsing
• 38:54
  Speaker 7: the story without a completed end, all of the abuse,
• 38:59
  Speaker 7: try drama, whatever that I have, Like everybody listening to
• 39:05
  Speaker 7: my voice now, Guy is a place where you have overcome.
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: You have to have your mouth agree with that. I
• 39:12
  Speaker 7: don't care if there's a hundred things in your life, well,
• 39:17
  Speaker 7: let's just say one.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: Hundred and one.
• 39:18
  Speaker 7: One hundred of them are screwed up. A hundred of
• 39:21
  Speaker 7: them are screwed up. The marriage, the kids, the job,
• 39:23
  Speaker 7: the money, your friends, all that is screwed up. There's
• 39:27
  Speaker 7: still one thing that you have overcome. Now, we can
• 39:30
  Speaker 7: sit and keep singing the song about them hundred, but
• 39:34
  Speaker 7: you're gonna find people who are gonna get with you
• 39:36
  Speaker 7: and say, look, we got this one right here, going right,
• 39:39
  Speaker 7: and we're gonna celebrate that, and we're gonna party with that,
• 39:42
  Speaker 7: and we're gonna use that to determine you're not a
• 39:45
  Speaker 7: victim forever. Baby, You're not a victim forever. You reach
• 39:50
  Speaker 7: the point of overcoming and you can't rehearse it and
• 39:54
  Speaker 7: cut the story off. Don't cut the story off because
• 39:57
  Speaker 7: you've got a bad one. That's an end that thing
• 40:01
  Speaker 7: in every area of If that's an ending to the trauma,
• 40:05
  Speaker 7: yes there is. And you don't have to wait for
• 40:07
  Speaker 7: you whilst line to say I've overcome. I've been married
• 40:13
  Speaker 7: now twenty five years, five of them years has been good.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: That's right. So am I gonna keep on rehearsing the
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: other twenty what I don'na do that for listen, I
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: have to keep drowning to go back and get that mess.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I can talk about a bad marriage.
• 40:31
  Speaker 7: I can talk and y'all y'all will say, amen, sugar you,
• 40:34
  Speaker 7: But I'm gonna tell you something.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: You would grow stronger if I tell you about the
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: five that was good.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: I have overcome.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: I've overcome down there.
• 40:44
  Speaker 7: Yeah I was raped, it wasn't in twenty twenty five.
• 40:48
  Speaker 7: I can't keep to listen. I was broke, but that
• 40:52
  Speaker 7: ain't today. I'm just saying I've got great friends.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Like y'all.
• 40:56
  Speaker 7: What I'm gonna talk about in school? You know I
• 40:59
  Speaker 7: didn't have no friends. It's important to know that. But
• 41:02
  Speaker 7: it's also to know the story. I'm friend with a
• 41:06
  Speaker 7: dog on Christian therapist.
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: Who would have thought that I'm friends with the CEO,
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: A coach and intention of leadership coach.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: That's chel.
• 41:17
  Speaker 7: If you ever look at the phara and look, you
• 41:20
  Speaker 7: ain't even got to give me the accolades that Arthur
• 41:23
  Speaker 7: Pharaon Maclamore has.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: She's my sister. So when she shinesprint, I'm trying to
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: you when SHANEA opened the door, here, I come, here,
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: I come. I don't have to have what you have.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: I just need to be able to learn and then
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: I can have it too. It is not a great read.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: You need the work, are y'all hearing?
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: You're gonna have to share that intentional stuff with Bobby
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: because that was intentional. I appreciate it.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: It was so so on point, my God, thank you
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: so much for that. That was one great way to close,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: so to say, reminded us that healing is layered, and
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: walking in purpose requires both courage and consistency. We peeled back,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: pressed forward, and made space for truth to rise. But
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: the work doesn't stop here. It continues between the sessions
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: and the quiet moments when no one's watching. Before we close,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: I want to leave you with this question, something is
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: sitting with between now and our final gathering. What have
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: you learned about yourself during this series and what are
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: you willing to or commit to so you can walk
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: fully in your purpose with discipline. Now that word is
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: going to stick with me from tonight and maybe throughout
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: the whole weekend. Take a moment to reflect, journal it,
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: speak it out loud. Could you share it with someone
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: you trust? Healing doesn't happen in silence, It happens in
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: truth and tell our amazing panelness. Oh my gosh, I
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: can't say more about you. Your final assignment can be
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: found on pages twenty eight through thirty one in your
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: work book. These last pages are about integration. This is
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: where we bring everything home. Take your time, be honest
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: with yourself. Your healing deserves that level of care. As
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: we prepare to close, I want to remind you that
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: our next and final panel session for this season will
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: take place on August fifth, same time. It will be
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: our last time and the missus, but it won't be
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: our last time. Gathering together a powerful moment to reflect, celebrate,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: and release. Trust me, you don't want to miss it.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: But before we get there, mark your calendars for August First,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I'll be sitting down with doctor Carolyn Stevens and the
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: co authors of Sacred Seeds of Wisdom for a special
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: episode will dive into spiritual growth, personal power, and the
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: sacred wisdom passed down from women to women, generation to generation.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Until then, thank you for showing up for yourself for
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: this community and for the work and as always, thanks
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: for keeping it basic. Guys are awesome. Somebody once said,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna take her words, and I know she's
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: listening in that you're awesome sauce, so she gonna say something.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Patricia. I love my side panel. Now we
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: had here, Auntie, I love you so much, and that's CBK,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: so you know who that is. It says, See now,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting here trying to look without my glasses, trying
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: to put young but I got to put these things.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: Don't don't laugh.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to look on cute as a kid saying
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: c BK Underscore f O three, Underscore Life three. I'm
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: hoping I'm saying it right. I'm sorry if i'm not.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: But they said, Hi, Auntie, I love you so much,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: so you know who you are, Auntie. So we're gonna
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: enjoy this weekend. I'm hoping everybody stay safe, stay dry,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: because I know it's bad in some areas. He ever
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: hasn't been too kind to some of us. But stay
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: dry and stay safe, and you want to see you
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: guys in about a month.
• 45:56
  Speaker 9: Mm hmm.
• 45:58
  Speaker 8: Again, I like to say thank you and every time,
• 46:02
  Speaker 8: every time ever comes together, you just get so awesome.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
• 46:11
  Speaker 8: Guys.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: That're gonna make me cry next time, I'm gonna get
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: the tissue from behind. Men have me crying. If I'm
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: not crying already, I'm gonna get the tissue.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Since I've been with you, guys have been turning into
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: a big old cry baby. I should tell in my
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: life earlier, probably my kids would have probably said yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: she wouldn't have been so hard on us. But sometimes
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: you just gotta be that.
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: That's good. You're feeling the fields that you created. This
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: is your platform.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: This is your workbook, like you are incited to.
• 46:40
  Speaker 8: I agree.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: I had you guys in mind when when you said yes.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: I've interviewed each and every one of you, and you
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: sent me your bios. You had conversations with me, So
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: I had you in mind in writing this workbook. So
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: this is our workbook. My name may be on it,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: but you're all.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: Up and through it.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I appreciate you all.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: Go get that pie. Add a little extra stuff to.
• 47:09
  Speaker 8: We're gonna talk.
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: We're gonna talk.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: We're gonna talk.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Discipline, got eat that pie. Discipline.
• 47:19
  Speaker 8: What I have done, What I have done. I figured
• 47:22
  Speaker 8: out a way. I figured out a way I can
• 47:25
  Speaker 8: put pie filling in a bowl and freeze it. And
• 47:28
  Speaker 8: so when you hang, when you're getting ready for a pie,
• 47:31
  Speaker 8: you just start out, put it in the pipe shell
• 47:33
  Speaker 8: and make it for forty an hour.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: So now you asked me to do a little bit
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: too much. Put me in the ship down and have
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: to bake it and turn the upp