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May 17 - Letting Forgiveness Flow · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:04
  all right there we go um and i'll i'll jump right in here cory because we're on may 17th
• 0:10
  right because you did 14 15 and 16 is that what you have yes okay we got to make sure before we
• 0:17
  start that we're both on the same day so that we don't get the uh yeah i'm gonna cross
• 0:24
  We're all good.
• 0:27
  Well, welcome back, everybody, to the Daily Ripples podcast.
• 0:30
  I'm Pastor Mike, and I have Corey with me again today.
• 0:34
  Today is May the 17th, and our ripple for today is titled, Letting Forgiveness Flow.
• 0:42
  We start as we always do with the stone.
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  Forgiving others and forgiving myself are deeply connected.
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  When resentment builds, it blocks both.
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  When it is released, healing begins to flow in both directions.
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  Ripple 1 is practical.
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  Today, I will notice where I am holding on to resentment toward others or toward myself.
• 1:04
  I will begin to release it, not by ignoring it, but by choosing not to keep it alive.
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  Letting go opens space for healing.
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  Ripple 2 is spiritual.
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  As I bring my heart before the Father, the Holy Spirit lifts what I cannot remove on my own.
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  Following Christ, who extends forgiveness freely, I learn to receive the same grace and extend it outward.
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  Over time, the flow of forgiveness restores peace within me.
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  And as always, we will close out the episode today with our prayer.
• 1:35
  So, this one, Corey, you know, is obviously it's all about forgiveness and forgiving others,
• 1:41
  forgiving myself, and how they are connected with each other.
• 1:45
  And, you know, before I really dig into, you know, much further on this, I'm kind of curious as to what your initial thoughts are about, you know, which one is harder for you to do, maybe historically or maybe even just right now.
• 2:01
  But, Corey, what's harder for you?
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  Is it harder for you to forgive someone else or to forgive yourself?
• 2:07
  Yeah, I don't know.
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  That's a crazy question because I don't know.
• 2:14
  Well, I think I'm forgiving myself. And the only reason I say that, and we've talked about this before, is, you know, I have like, you know, every morning I wake up, I have this, my routine.
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  And part of the routine is I got a notebook filled up with, I don't know, it's 10 names on the front, 10 on the back, and then it's got the prayer beside it.
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  So it's about four pages of that.
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  And, you know, so I have some people in there that I still have to make amends to.
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  You know, what I found is cool, though, you know, the ones I've been praying about, you know, I have been making more of these because it's constantly on my mind as well, you know, it's brought to light.
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  But I do have some people in there, you know, that I pray for their forgiveness every morning.
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  And, you know, I don't know.
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  Meaning that they would forgive you or that you can forgive them?
• 3:15
  No, that they would forgive me.
• 3:18
  Got it.
• 3:19
  So, well, you know, if we looked at Matthew, we talked about this the other week, but Matthew 6, verse 14 and 15.
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  Pastor Mike, this is a good question for you because I really wish they would have added this into the Lord's prayer too.
• 3:37
  Okay.
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  Because, you know, so Matthew 6, 14 and 15 says,
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  For if you forgive other people when they sin against you,
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  your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
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  But if you do not forgive others their sins,
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  your Father will not forgive your sins.
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  Right.
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  And so that's kind of like, you know, the flip on page 67 as well.
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  Right?
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  Because, you know, can I give the same tolerance, pity and love
• 4:04
  that I would have given a sick friend?
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  Well, if we're all spiritually sick, I come into realization of that.
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  And so then this acceptance thing, that would be the acceptance, right?
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  Because if I can come to terms with that, and I think I was talking to a friend of mine today.
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  I said, you know, maybe some people can come to terms with that without a piece of paper and a pen.
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  Right, right.
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  Because I'm this egomaniac.
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  I mean, you know, it's shown in my life I'm this egomaniac, right?
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  You know, that kind of selfish self-centered, that kind of, so I, in return, my whole life has made what the 12 and 12 says right here.
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  It says on page 78, the moment we pondered a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.
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  To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrongs he has done us.
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  Yeah.
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  What I do every time.
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  The house always wins, and I'm the house.
• 5:09
  Yeah, because what's real to you is whatever is in your mind at the time.
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  But going back a little bit, when you say you kind of wish that part was in the Lord's Prayer,
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  do you mean about forgiving others so that you would be forgiven?
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  Is that the part you're talking about?
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  Yeah, and just bringing that to light.
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  I wish, well, let me put this in perspective.
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  I wish I knew the Bible more to begin with anyways, because a lot of this stuff is newer stuff to me, and I'm like, man, that's such a powerful piece right there.
• 5:41
  Yeah, but I think it's just the language as well, and that's why I wanted to kind of go back to that, because there is the line in there, you know, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
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  You know, that's in the Lord's Prayer.
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  Well, that trespassing against us and the forgiving of that, that is essentially the
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  same, it's the same concept of what you just read out of Matthew, which is, you know, forgive
• 6:04
  those who sinned against us just as, you know, that way our sins can be forgiven.
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  So that's kind of incorporated into that prayer using the word trespasses or some versions.
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  And it's more, it depends on the tradition that's saying the Lord's Prayer, because, you
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  know, some versions of the Lord's Prayer say, forgive us our debts.
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  as we forgive our debtors. And it's getting at the same concept. It's that biblical concept of
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  when someone does you wrong, then they owe some type of a debt to you. There's an imbalance of the
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  scales of justice, in other words. And that's all goes back to, in biblical times, it was very much a
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  shame and honor culture. And so if somebody brought shame upon themselves or upon you,
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  the only way to get your honor restored would be to put that shame onto somebody else.
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  And versus, you know, Jesus comes in, he says, well, yeah, that's the way this world is working,
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  but in the kingdom of heaven, you just forgive people. You don't do it expecting that they would
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  owe something because who is forgiving you in return is God, not the other people. So regardless
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  of whether the other people are going to forgive you or not, our job is to forgive them so that God
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  will forgive us. And that's really the heart of what this is getting to, even in the stone,
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  you know, where it launches off, it says, you know, forgiving others and forgiving myself are
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  deeply connected. And it's all about living in a way that shows that we are approaching,
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  we as human beings who are people of faith, are approaching this concept of justice and what is
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  right, wrong, owed, and fair from a kingdom of heaven or a faith or a God perspective. And it can
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  go all the way back to even some of the prophets in the Old Testament. You know, one of the ones
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  that I pulled up for today was the prophet Zechariah. And Zechariah is one of the later books,
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  you know, in the Old Testament, just before the New Testament. But Zechariah chapter 7 and verse
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  9 says, Thus says the Lord of hosts, you know, execute true justice, show mercy and compassion
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  everyone to his brother. So in other words, that's speaking again into that shame honor culture that
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  they had. And we get into the same thing as Americans sometimes. You hear the concept of
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  an eye for an eye, or if somebody does you wrong, then you go do them wrong right in return. And
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  that is absolutely not the biblical view of justice. And Zechariah the prophet was calling
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  on the people and calling on us to have a true view of justice, not only toward other people
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  having that mercy and compassion, but I think it's very important for people in recovery to be able to
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  forgive themselves too. Because that was one of the biggest things that I struggled with,
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  you know, coming into the rooms is just kind of being bogged down by shame, you know, and guilt,
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  if you will, over all the things that I'd done wrong in the past. And the only way I was able
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  to operate and move out of that was once I truly started to feel as though, you know,
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  God had forgiven me for those things. Well, you know, I look at it in a perspective of how free
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  do I want to be? Yeah. The book talks about that too. Exactly. And so, you know, if we're looking
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  to be, if I'm looking to be free, I know. So, and we've talked about this in great length, so I'm
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  not trying to go too far in depth with this, but, you know, so if I, if there was, you know, just
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  like Mr. Brown in the book, right? You know, he. That's right. You were just talking about this
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  example the other day. That's right. Yeah. So if you take Mr. Brown, and Mr. Brown is hitting on my
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  fiance, and we have all this stuff, me and Mr. Brown have all this stuff in between each other.
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  And you know, if God is everything, if I'm aligned with the thing of God being everything,
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  and so me and Mr. Brown, we got something between us. Well, if I want to get to a more present,
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  conscious contact with God, not closer because we're all the same.
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  But I got to get that right with Mr. Brown.
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  And whatever I've done to Mr. Brown, because for someone like me, man,
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  I probably have done something to Mr. Brown and my wife for both of them.
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  You know, you know, nine times out of 10.
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  And the one thing that I would like to point out in the,
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  and I don't do this a lot.
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  So this is a, but this is a really, man, I'll tell you,
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  I heard a speaker one time, and he was talking about this guy that had stabbed his 21-year-old son to death 81 times.
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  Goodness.
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  Yeah.
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  And his wife was also dying.
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  And, man, it was what a crazy story.
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  Because, you know, man, anyways, but he was going through the court process of this, and his life got really unmanageable, right?
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  It got really bad because he goes ahead, you know, full of anger.
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  Because who wouldn't be angry?
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  Of course.
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  And, you know, the way he tied it in was, you know, it was something like, you know, it was just amazing.
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  But on page 552 of the big book and the personal story is Freedom from Bondage.
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  And I know you kind of jumped a little bit at what I said back.
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  I know, because you have talked specifically on this podcast about how you do not like and don't often read the personal story.
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  So that's why it's kind of ironic that you're pulling from that today.
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  But yes, go ahead.
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  So this guy's talking about a resentment also he can't get rid of and forgiving somebody.
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  Right.
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  He said in effect, if you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free.
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  And if you will ask and pray for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free.
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  Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.
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  Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway.
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  Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and you want it for them.
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  And you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you will now feel compassionate, understanding, and love.
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  It worked for me then, and it has worked for me many times since.
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  And it will work for me every time I'm willing to work it.
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  That means a lot to me.
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  Yeah.
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  And I, yeah, I mean, we could get in depth.
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  So I come into that a little bit on some prayers that I've prayed.
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  I've even added some about some people that maybe that I feel ill towards for no reason.
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  Right.
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  And I think this thing is the most powerful when we're able to offer forgiveness toward somebody that has hurt us,
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  and we have every reason not to forgive them, but we choose to do it anyway.
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  That's kind of like the epitome of that spiritual growth, and that is operating probably as close as any of us as human beings will be able to get to what we call Christian perfection or perfection of love, right?
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  Because even using that example from the big book, the Mr. Brown example, give us a recap again real quick of what that example is in the big book and kind of why that's important as we're talking about forgiveness and we're talking about specifically in the context of a fourth and fifth step.
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  Well, the Mr. Brown, and if anybody wants to ever look at it, it's on page 65 of the big book.
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  And it's kind of the first three columns of how you start the fourth step.
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  But there is a fourth column, but I'm resentful at Mr. Brown.
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  And it says the cause.
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  His attention to my wife, told my wife of my mistress, and Brown may get my job at the office.
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  Man, at number two, if I stopped at number two.
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  He told your wife of your mistress, right?
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah, me and Brown are fighting.
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  They're throwing hands.
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  So they're like, you skip to these other two people and go down to his wife.
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  Because I think the wife really makes it more in perspective.
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  Because he's resentful at his wife because she misunderstands and nags.
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  Well, I imagine she misunderstands and nags because he's just drinking.
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  Well, it's already been established that he also has a mistress.
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  So, yeah, he's probably not acting right at home.
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  Don't you understand, honey?
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  Right.
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  And then she likes Brown and wants House put in her name.
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  Well, the way my mind works in this, man, Brown and my wife are completely against me.
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  They're planning on moving me out.
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  He's moving into my house.
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  He's taking my job and my wife.
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  But that's why it's drastic, right?
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  Yeah.
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  And so, and that's an example given in the big book of kind of how to work through this
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  inventory process.
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  But here's the question, even beyond the inventory process, when we're talking about
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  forgiveness and getting to the point of forgiving Mr. Brown, are you able to forgive Mr. Brown
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  today if he takes it all the way to the point where he's got the girl, he's got the house
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  and they're living together and you're in a rental somewhere?
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  Are you still able to forgive Mr. Brown today?
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  And see, and that's where I kind of go to, you know, all the way through because, you
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  know, in our faith, the answer should be, well, yes.
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  But the key distinction there is that forgiving someone doesn't mean, you know, co-signing on
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  what they're doing.
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  And that's why, you know, in the practical ripple, it talks about, you know, I'll begin
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  to release it not by ignoring it, but by choosing not to keep it alive because I'm not ignoring
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  the fact that I no longer have the wife and I no longer have the house because they're off
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  Mr. Brown somewhere. But what I'm doing is I'm choosing to forgive them and wish them well in
• 16:02
  their new life together so that I can go about the process of living my life out as a free man in the
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  world, not held captive by what they have done. Because the only thing that keeps me captive in
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  the situation is when I don't forgive them. So that's why I kind of wanted to come back to the
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  Mr. Brown of it all thing a little bit, because it's one thing, you know, when something happens
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  and it all works out well in the end
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  and you're able to reconcile and move on.
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  But what happens when it doesn't work out well in the end?
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  You know, are you still able to forgive that person then?
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  And, you know, I think of that, you know,
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  in terms of there's just several examples in my own life
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  where I've had to do that.
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  I've had to forgive someone.
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  Often they may not even know that I've forgiven them,
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  but I'm just choosing not to let their actions
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  rule my life today.
• 16:53
  Well...
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  Do you think you can do that?
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  You know, this kind of goes into, you know, a man.
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  I want to say no right away.
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  No, I cannot do that.
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  I do not think I can do that.
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  Go ahead.
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  Do you think you could do that?
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  Because, like, you know, if I sit there, you know, this, because, I mean, we're touching on four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, right?
• 17:14
  Yes, of course.
• 17:16
  And we're really touching on the amends process as well.
• 17:20
  A bit.
• 17:20
  Yeah, it can bleed over into that for sure.
• 17:23
  I mean, when I look at it, you know, if I was not an egomaniac, selfish and self-centered
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  all the way down to the core and complete, you know, because my reality is a little,
• 17:37
  you know, I was talking to my friend about this, you know, it says my lack of proportion
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  of the ability to think straight comes when it comes to drinking.
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  Well, what about, does it come up to that about my selfishness as well?
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  Because I think it does.
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  And, I mean, the more clearer and clearer and more free, I think, you know, the more I do this, the clearer it gets.
• 17:57
  But, man, I can, you know, I can be in a place and, you know, not see reality.
• 18:02
  But, you know, pen to paper is a good thing.
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  But when I go face that person, when I go face to face with that person and list my wrongs, forget their part completely.
• 18:16
  Right.
• 18:16
  I think there's, and resolutely looked at my part, my side of this.
• 18:21
  I'm trying not to use the word part, but it's such an easy four-letter word.
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  Right, of course.
• 18:28
  We won't hold it against you.
• 18:31
  But when I do that, something completely changes every time, Michael.
• 18:38
  And I don't know what that is.
• 18:39
  You know, it's probably God.
• 18:40
  That's what it is.
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  But it's a, I don't know.
• 18:44
  So was the question, was I able to do that in person to the person that's hurt me?
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  Is that the question?
• 18:51
  Are you able to do that singularly, or does that take action to go face them?
• 18:57
  Oh, for me, I've never been able to change my thinking without taking action.
• 19:01
  That is fundamental for me.
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  And I'm not the one even changing my thinking.
• 19:07
  That's why I go back to, I knew the answer was going to be no, no matter what the question was,
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  because I cannot do it.
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  but God, through me, can.
• 19:15
  And that was the punchline that I was building toward there.
• 19:19
  I think we should end on that punchline.
• 19:20
  Absolutely.
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  So our prayer for today is,
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  Father, remove the resentment that blocks forgiveness in my life.
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  Through Your Spirit, teach me to receive Your grace
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  and to extend it to others and to myself.
• 19:34
  Amen.
• 19:34
  Amen.
• 20:03
  ...
• 20:03
  while we're at it, Corey, a 26-minute solo episode?
• 20:08
  Really?
• 20:09
  26 minutes?
• 20:10
  Really?
• 20:16
  I looked down and saw what time it was.
• 20:18
  I was like, man, I got to get to work.
• 20:21
  That's why you needed that extra half hour in the morning,
• 20:24
  was to do a half-hour episode?
• 20:25
  Is that what it was?
• 20:27
  Oh, my goodness.
• 20:28
  I was heated up, man.
• 20:29
  I was straight out of bed.