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How to know if your teen will launch well · Head Shrink Inc.

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, it's me.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm alive.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, we're gonna talk about teenagers and gratefulness today.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Listen in.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: You are drinking.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your ancestral life.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Related.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe live.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, it's Doc David with Head Drink Inc.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I I apologize.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've I don't think I've posted a pod in like two months, I think it is.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And life just gets busy.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Had to send kids off to college.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm booking three weeks out with clients at present.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so honestly, the only time I get a chance to pod is when I don't have paperwork to do, and I have a client who cancels.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: So today, um, a client, two clients canceled, yay.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Not really.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I hate it when clients cancel, especially in last minute.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so if you have a therapist, don't cancel on your therapist last minute.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: They don't appreciate it.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, we're not here to talk about that.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um I want to talk about teenagers and gratefulness and the fear that a lot of parents have on whether their kid's gonna launch successfully or not.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, today today is the first of November, so you you can date this.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um Halloween just took place last night.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um we had a successful trunk retreat in the Doc David household, and it was super cold.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but everyone got candy, which is the important thing on Halloween, right?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And we gave out candy, which is important also.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um so recently I've been reminded with a lot of clients that have been coming in that are parents, is this fear that a lot of parents have that their kids are not going to launch well, that the uh attitude that their child, their teenager has in their home is the attitude that their teenager is going to have outside of the home.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um and thus, I mean, you may have said this even yourself as a parent, but one of the big things a parent will say to their teen to their teenager, how are you going to handle um having a boss tell you to do things that you don't want to do with this kind of attitude?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And usually that stems from a parent saying to their teenager, Hey, I want you to do this thing, and the teenager um moans about it, complains about it, drags their feet, and then parents instantly compare that to what they will be doing in real life when they have a full-time job.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um I try to encourage parents not to do that because the life that your teenager is living in your home is much different than the life that they're going to be living out of your home.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, trying to compare the two is like comparing apples and oranges.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not the same.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: So now for some teenagers, yes, it will be the same, but for a vast majority of teens, it is not the same.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: And here's here's a perfect example.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you may have a teenager who has this chore that they've had for the last three years, and you get tired, and this is a common complaint to hear from parents as well.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Parents get tired of like, they've had the same chore for the last three years.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I have to always tell them to do this chore?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: That is a national, um, nationally known thing with teenagers and chores.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: It happens in my house, and I'm quote unquote the expert.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it happens all the time.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Teenagers don't like to do chores, and so if they get an opportunity to not do a chore, they will take that opportunity.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like, I'm an adult and I don't like doing chores, but I know they need to get done for a house to function well and for a house to not look horrible and become in disrepair.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the things that I would encourage you as parents to do is just to know that that's just kind of a thing that happens in homes with teenagers, is that you're gonna have to remind them to do stuff.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's just life.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if if you well, let me back up.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: What I have found is that there's parents that fixate on that kind of stuff and it horribly hurts relationships because a parent gets so fixated on you must do this without me asking, what would you do if you had a real life job and you didn't do this?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: You would get fired from your job.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And again, those are apples and oranges.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, my encouragement to you as a parent, if you do this, um lighten up.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: This is kind of a common thing for teenagers, and they may need to be reminded about chores, and they will still launch successfully.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing that you need to pay attention to, and this is a crazy thing, and I don't completely understand this, I do understand it a little bit, um, but it's a good indication of whether your kid will launch successfully or not.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you may have a kid that is horrible at chores, they don't keep their bedroom clean, they don't pick up after themselves, you guys are always fighting about it, and then they go to the neighbor's home or they go to a friend's home, and the reports you hear back are crazy.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who is this kid that's in this other home, right?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Johnny's mom will say, Your son was so respectful, he picked up after himself, he helped with the dishes, he did exactly what was asked of him.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And you you'll be just flabbergasted.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the question that you ask yourself is, why won't they do it in my home?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that is a common occurrence.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And what I say to parents if that is going on with their kid, it's a pretty good indication that your kid will launch successfully because they can be out of the home and they can be respectful, they can be out of the home and they can be direct given direction on what to do.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um sometimes parents feel hopeless because it seems like their kids are ungrateful in their home, their kids won't do chores in their home, but the moment they leave your front door, they become the most respectful, grateful uh youth ever.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: So there's mostly good to that and maybe a little bit bad, but the good is that means that these lessons that you have been working hard to teach your kid are actually getting into your kid, like your kid's paying attention to you.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so they go to someone else's house and they're respectful, they pick up after themselves, etc.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: etc.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the things that you want your kid to be doing.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the downside is if your kid is absolutely not doing that at your at home with you, um chances are there's some challenges in your relationship that you may need to address with them.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps you're an overbearing parent.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps your kid is super focused on school and doesn't have time to listen to you, or maybe they are maybe you're spoiling them at home, and so they're that gratefulness isn't there.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: My encouragement to you is if if this is where you find yourself, that your kid is um doing awesome outside of the home, being respectful, picking up after themselves, being kind to people in the neighborhood or to the neighbor's family or or wherever, if that's happening, but then the moment they walk through your front door into their place of residence and they immediately become horrible little brats, there's something else going on in the relationship that isn't related to your teens.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's related to a dynamic between you and your teens.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I think uh needs to be addressed, and that's something that if not addressed, when your kid does launch successfully, it's gonna potentially um create some challenges in your relationship as they are moving out of the home.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, as I always say, like if that's something that's a challenge in your home, you can easily call up a family therapist, set up a meeting, um, and help you figure out and point out, figure out some blind spots.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times we don't see it as parents because we're just so immersed into it and it's emotional for us.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's helpful to get a therapist in our lives to maybe give us some insight into what is actually going on in the relationships with our kids.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, hopefully that's been helpful.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is a shorter podcast today.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna try to get on here more regularly, but again, as I say, it's life just gets busy.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I get clients and things just happen.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: But thanks for listening in.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can contact me at headshrinkinc at gmail.com.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's headshrinkinc at gmail dot com, or find me on Facebook, uh Dr.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: David Simonson, or go to my webpage, docdavid.net.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great weekend, all right.