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Your Brain Is Built For Negativity, So Train It For Hope · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is Mark, and this is Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is a podcast on how we can move towards encouraging ourselves and focusing on the positive and the ways forward.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of always being problem-focused and talking about ourselves in a negative way, it came from my own struggles in life of just feeling that heaviness and that self-defeating attitude.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it comes from the school of positive psychology.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It comes from my meditation practice, but it's really about creating those ripples of positivity in our life so we can show up at work and in our life and in our own self-image in a better way to encourage ourselves in a fierce, compassionate, open-hearted way.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for being here.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for tuning in.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I've been absent the last couple weeks with my podcast.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess, well, number one, it has been a good couple weeks in the spirit of healing and growing and being there for friends who are going through a lot of changes, life and death changes.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you listen to the last episode or two, you know my friend is going through end of life right now.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, I have no notes, I have no outline for today.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just kind of gonna let this rip and connect with you.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of beautiful things happening and a lot of scary things happening.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think the beautiful things and the fierce encouragement that is happening is just knowing that my friend has so many friends and his family and the support around him.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, my friend wasn't a fierce encourager.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, he would probably argue with me about that.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if he ever caught any of my episodes.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he did.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I guess that's a good place to begin.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's a part of our mind, a part of our conditioning, a part of our psychology, if you will, that really demands us to be critical and intellectual and kind of pierce the story or the thing that we're examining with wisdom and kind of get down to what's wrong with this.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I do it myself.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I do it in my own self-view a lot of the times.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's easy to be critical.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so that brings up something.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's this negative predisposition we have towards negativity or being critical or overthinking.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think it does a couple things.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, it comes online because that's a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors throughout the ages survive.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've said this a lot in coaching sessions and in group sessions, but that part of us comes online due to protecting us and helping us survive and helping us continue to live.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So while it's easy to be critical and it's almost an automatic choice or an automatic reflex that comes up, I think it's important to just know that, that we have this self-protection mechanism that comes up that helped us survive.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So our ancestors, the ones that remembered the negative events, like our family being attacked or having those difficult moments, it helped us prepare for the next time that occurred and we could have a plan to survive that.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is now when we're kind of in this information, really overly connected age, and even the AI age, is that we let that part of our mind, that survival, that overthinking, that critical part of our mind, that negative part of our mind, we let it dominate.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: We let it rule our day or our weeks or our year.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it can become something that's very seductive because we might be rewarded for it on one hand.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we're the person at work that can really see the problems.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can really examine down deep into the computer code or the systems that's not working.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's good to have that and to realize that that's a skill that some of us have that at a high level, examining things and getting really detailed.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to our life, when it comes to kind of our internal habits with ourselves, especially in the relationships we have, I believe it's really important to turn down that negativity bias that we have that comes from our evolution, our biology.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's hard work to turn that off.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe you've noticed this.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: At work, you're rewarded for being intellectual and critical and digging into problems.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But at home or in your relationships with your friends and family, if you bring that attitude in, it seems to push everybody away, maybe not immediately, but eventually.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've struggled with that.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So a big way or a good way to counteract that is to number one, know that we have that predisposition towards negativity or that bias towards criticalness, and that's helped us survive and even thrive in the modern environment.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: But secondly, the best way we can work with it is to know there's a room or a place beyond just that criticalness, a place that's more open and relaxed, and in a sense, allows us to give space and a place to breathe with our projects, with our relationships, and even with ourselves.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this really ties into how we can fiercely encourage ourselves.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I've had a few people message me and email me saying this idea of fierce encouragement is kind of stupid.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I encourage myself.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you know, I'm really good.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking of executives and directors I've had the privilege of connecting with.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a bias and uh a part of us within that that is telling us we can't show a weakness, we can't show loss, we can't share those messy, disorganized parts of us.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And even being a creator and being vulnerable and open with you, my listeners, and even with my clients and some of my writing and other creative projects, it can feel nauseating, literally, like my stomach is flipping over when I create things and share them and post them out on uh uh for everybody to listen to and watch.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: But when we do that, when we drop the negative predisposition or the criticalness or even the self-attacking voice that comes up, when we relax that part of us and know it's just a muscle in our brain that's really trained well, when we relax that and we move towards an encouraging mindset, a heartfelt mindset, like I'm doing my best.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to work out for me in the long run.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like this, it helps me grow.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Some of those phrases, actually, the cognitive scientists and uh behavioral therapists talk about coming up with your phrase that you can use when you notice that negativity bias coming online and maybe destroying things.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's destroying your workout, maybe it's really hampering the growth of your relationship with your family and your kids, or maybe it's just something that you've noticed kind of humming in the background throughout your whole day and week.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So come back to that tool.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: What's your phrase?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's your mantra, your mind protector that you can chant to yourself when that negativity bias, that acidic, sour internal voice comes online?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: What can you say to yourself to shake it off and take one step towards just being open and relaxed, and really create that division between the critical, productive, hyper-optimized, hyper-optimized version of yourself and the one that is open, compassionate, and just a little more relaxed, a little more curious about the world instead of trying to control it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that came through.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is kind of a fuzzy subject that can be confusing, but if nothing else, you can take this from the standpoint of make effort to see where you might be avoiding, attacking, or even being flippant about who you are and what problems you have.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Again, a lot of the big time leaders and people that are really thriving and moving through life, and they from the outside they look very successful.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: But inside, after you get through a couple of the layers, they do have the fears and imbalance and difficulties, but we're conditioned and trained to say, no, I don't have anything that's really bothering me.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't have um problems.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that means that you probably are living a somewhat balanced life, but I encourage you to dig a little deeper.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Watch the mind, see where the most painful part of your day or your week is at, and examine it and see how you could bring some fierce encouragement and your own catchphrase into that moment.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite phrases just to share, that's really helped me in a couple ways is comes from Phil Stutz and his beautiful books and wisdom is that I love pain.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Pain sets me free.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm doing a podcast or recording a video and maybe not liking the way I look or anything like that, just seeing that pain, that fear, that imbalance as an opportunity to grow and set me free and move through it.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, what's your catchphrase?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: What's your statement that you're going to chant to yourself when you find yourself down and out or off balance this next week or this next month?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Really try this.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not it isn't something that is a small deal.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: These little habits can really build up the bigger parts of us that show up when things do go sideways.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I had a good conversation with a coaching friend this week, and like I kind of mentioned at the top, it's been a little up and down the past couple weeks for me, creating things, being there for myself, having some health challenges myself, and then being there for friends that are going through end-of-life care.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, it's just a beautiful privilege to be able to be attentive and be present and in a in a certain way kind of observe how my inner world is as I go through these challenges.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that my buddy said to me this week was that really landed was we don't see ourselves the same way our friends and others in the world sees us.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: We don't see ourselves the way society might see us.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's important, and it kind of connects to the first idea I shared.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Our mind goes to that negative part of us and remembers the flaws and the trouble spots and the difficulties.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we can start to be problem-focused.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: We get really enmeshed in the problems that we're having in our life, in certain areas of our life, whether they be our workouts or our relationships or whatever.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: We get problem focused.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something I see in a lot of leaders and the businesses I have the privilege of connecting with.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: So many times we're super problem focused.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And granted, that needs to happen sometimes.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're working in an emergency room, well, of course you're problem-focused.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not making an argument to always push away the problems, but I am asking from a fierce encouragement point of view, where can we let go of that negativity bias, especially with ourselves?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: When we're attacking ourselves, when we're being ruthless with ourselves, where can we drop that a little bit and get solution focused?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or move towards an image of ourself that is reflective of how we show up in the world with our friends and our family.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I created this because I really struggle with this.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I really struggle with a self-image and having a consistent positive intention around who I am and how I show up.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you might be listening to this or watching this and thinking, wow, you know, wow, I can't, I can't believe that Mark has this problem.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because he comes across clear and confident.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I guess I just want to say that in my own mind, it can be a really difficult place sometimes.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, that depends on a lot of different variables.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: My rest, my exercise, my food, um, my meditation practice, my attitude.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to make, I want to normalize this.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to feel sideways and off balance.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to start from negative 10 and work your way back up to zero.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to feel like crap.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Truly.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Too often we look at people and think we need to be like that person.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to be vulnerable and open and be like, if you're doing that with me or any other the people you follow or the authors you read, just know that they struggle too.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: They struggle in their own way, and then they come back to encouraging themselves.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't listened to one of my first episodes, courage literally means heart.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: When we have heart, when we have courage, it helps the rest of our physical and mental body.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: It helps the rest of ourselves show up in different ways.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So have that courage for yourself.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have that courage to step away from the constant negative self-talk.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Have the courage not to avoid or to think that everything's fine, when in fact, there might be some places where you could pause and encourage yourself and come back to yourself in a deep, honest, authentic way.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: This really isn't about bypassing the goodness and the problems and ups and downs that we have, and just pretend like everything's okay.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it is about recognizing what's troubling you, where's our bias, and then asking ourselves, what do we really want from this?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: What can I learn today?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: What can I learn in this moment?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And most importantly for me, and talking with my friend this week, is slowing down, slowing way down and realizing that the energy I had with myself was one that was sour and attacking and kind of pulling back.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're listening to this podcast, I imagine you have some other resources that you listen to.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: We get kind of addicted in a positive way to the good things, right?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: The good books, the good authors, the good wisdom that we can ingest.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to offer this to kind of close on.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Those are really positive good things.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't stop doing them.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: But when we slow down, when we check our own awareness and get in tune with uh the timber, the resonance, the voice that's happening in our own being, we actually make more progress than if we read another book or went to another seminar or did another course.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really what I have in mind as I created the awareness lab this past year, as I'm shutting down parts of the awareness lab and bringing that to a public, and most importantly, bringing it into a sacred leadership lab as I go into April and May of 2026.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: The awareness that we can cultivate of ourself, of our own inner energy and inner being is the pathway towards being more present, being authentic, and living life from where you're at, instead of worrying about the past and ruminating or getting anxious and overanticipating the future.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Being present where we're at right freaking now.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: How could you bring that into your life?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're interested in the awareness lab, reach out, let me know, send me a text.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to be one of the flagship, beautiful, amazing containers that I've created over the past couple of years that changes minds, it changes lives, and it really helps people ground into their current reality instead of always chasing the next book, the next course, the next advancement in their life.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to connect with you in the lab, and I'll share those resources as we go forward.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to thank you for joining me.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you got a lot out of this today.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Come up with your statement or your phrase that you can use when you find that your energy is down or that negativity bias comes online a lot.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then finally, examine how you really feel about yourself, how your own self-image is.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes we think when we get older, um, that that what we care about, what other people think kind of just goes away.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's true.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: It is true.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: As I get older, I don't care as much about what others think as I did in my 20s.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to say it's still there and it still might be on an automatic replicating system in the background of our minds and our subconscious.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: So challenge that, challenge that negativity bias and find that phrase that you can bring into your day and your week just to wake you up and know that you're worthy, that you're valued.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this time we have right now is sacred.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So use it and don't think you need to be perfect because that's a a zero.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Zero sum game that we can play too much.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this is Mark Walker.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Really appreciate you spending your time with me here on Fierce Encouragement.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you got value out of this.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you or hear you next time.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out, let me know how this landed, and let me know if you're interested in joining my free awareness lab or my sacred leadership lab going into April.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, take care of yourself.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Bye bye.