Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Minisode: A One-Two Punch with Sam Jay and Yanise Monét

Transcript

Minisode: A One-Two Punch with Sam Jay and Yanise Monét · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea hand Job. I'm here
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: with my friends, yah Yah and Sam. Okay, we're back
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: with Sam and yah Ya.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Hi girls, Hey, hi ladies. What's up?
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Somebody was talking about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: was some rumor that I was going to be on it.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: It's not true. But didn't you say that you auditioned
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: for that or they.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: Did an audition They contacted me about it for Atlanta?
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah they did, right, Yeah, that's what I told someone.
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't have to audition girls.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, guys, I didn't know you got a dog.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not allowed to get a dog because Sam
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: won't let you get a dog because we're not doing
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: the dog because you're not going to follow.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: We're no, we're not talking about the dog. We just
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: we just were dollar today.
• 0:48
  Speaker 5: But I copy of that. But no, it's fine, we're
• 0:51
  Speaker 5: just not going to get the dog.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Yoh okay, great, that sounded like a good therapy session.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: It went great.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: That's that must be your other therapist, because yes, is
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: not this one is not as good.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: So what are some of the things.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you go First, that's annoy the shit out
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: of you about living with Sam.
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: Oh, where do I start cabinets? She doesn't close cabinets
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: or door like. She doesn't she opens a cabinet or
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: a drawer, she leaves it open. So like when I
• 1:19
  Speaker 5: go into the kitchen, I feel like, what's her name, Bana.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: Whit who's the one that turns the bana white?
• 1:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like banda white because I'm constantly closing
• 1:26
  Speaker 5: all the cabinets and all.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: The doors because she leaves including the refrigerator.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: That's really that's kind of entitled Sam to open the
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: doors and leave them open.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: It's not true. It's just not true.
• 1:38
  Speaker 6: But I'll also be doing stuff in and out the fridge.
• 1:41
  Speaker 6: You'll come in while I'm in the kitchen and close
• 1:42
  Speaker 6: the frigerator.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, but what about the can But I'm like using
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: the fridge.
• 1:45
  Speaker 6: I'm not, I'm not not, I'm not not in the
• 1:47
  Speaker 6: midst Okay, but what about the cabinet.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Fridge is Actually in her defense, I changed tact. They
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: should just be open all the time. The display should
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: be out so we don't have to fucking open them,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: and look, it should.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Be see through.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: But then I also be cold.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: No, it should be a glad so you could just
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: see that's in there. Because sometimes I want to open
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the fridge and just fucking sit there and look at
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: it too, Especially when I'm stoned. I circle around the
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: fridge like four or five times a day, waiting for
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: some meal to just create itself.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then the cabinets.
• 2:13
  Speaker 6: Sometimes I forget the cabinets, but a lot of times
• 2:15
  Speaker 6: I'll still be in the middle of stuff and you
• 2:17
  Speaker 6: just come in and start.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's not true.
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: You'll be on the whole another floor and all the
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: cabinets will be open. I have Yeah, I have video proof.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Why do you have video because.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I don't know if we have a group
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: chat and so we all have the same plight.
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: So it was like, oh, well, Lona don't got no man.
• 2:34
  Speaker 6: So well she did see you're digging again.
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: She did have a man, and he did do stuff
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: like that, so talk about but she did. So we
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: were like my sister be like, oh her husband left
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: the cabinet opening day. I'm like, oh, well that's nothing.
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: I had three cabinets today. So it's like that.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: So and that's you guys, and then you you film
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: it and send it to each other.
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, or take a picture that seems reasonable. I guess
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: it's like our own little group chat, our funny. It's
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: our way of like dealing.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: With complaining about your husband's basically, basically, but in a
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: nice way. Right, that's not the worst thing in the world.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: It's not like a man leaving a toilet seat up
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: and like you're in all over the floor, urine all
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: over the toilet seat.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I leave my car door open a lot when
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I get home.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I get out because I always have shit or my
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: dog and I and then I'll see my driveway and
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: my car's wide.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Open, like the door.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: Are you serious?
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I I have a gated driveway.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: But they're doing a lot of Robbie out there now. Yeah.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Well maybe I'm just taunting them.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, get it. Is that your way of trying to
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: find a man? Do you know that guy?
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Remember you try the show? We were in my worka
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: and yeah, yeah, I was like, you know, who's cute
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: this guy gave? So I was dming him a little
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: bit in my Orca one summer. But he had a girlfriend.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Guess who doesn't have a girlfriend anymore?
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: By the way, didn't have a girlfriend.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but those deals I know, but I don't have
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: the closer I see now that I see he's single,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I've taken a closer look, and there's a beard situation
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: on the face that looks slightly painted, almost like dyed ink,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: you know, like when he.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: Has a beijing is? What is it called beijing? A
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: beijing has a beijing.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Saying I don't know. That's what she's saying.
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: Do you know what a beijing is?
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: That's like they use the dye and the dye is
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: called beijing.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that that looks like that.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't do white men use beijing is.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: I don't think for the white I don't think he's
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: white though he's other.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I've been getting a lot of sex, So don't worry.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I'm fine.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: I'm happy for you.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: I did see that picture of the feet on the back.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: That was nice. I was happy for you.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Oh the one I sent you right, that was nice.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: I post that.
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: I was excited for you.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, and Sam, let's talk about what you think is
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: the most the thing that annoys you the most about Yeah.
• 4:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah, she's constantly moving my things and putting them with
• 4:45
  Speaker 6: sheet things they go. But not where it is logical
• 4:48
  Speaker 6: for me, I'm cleaning. Yeah, but you clean like you're
• 4:51
  Speaker 6: the only person who lives in the house.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: No, I just clean like a person who cleans.
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: No, because your stuff could be out. You could leave
• 4:57
  Speaker 6: stuff out all over the house. You leave food, how
• 5:00
  Speaker 6: you leave stuff in the office all the time, open
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: bowls or soop.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: You'll leave anything.
• 5:05
  Speaker 6: And you will move my socks and leave three cans
• 5:09
  Speaker 6: of soda and a bunch of open food. So well,
• 5:13
  Speaker 6: you know a little you do dream ginger real, so
• 5:15
  Speaker 6: you count that ginger. You know, you'll have your three
• 5:19
  Speaker 6: cans out, the food you had last night, some rappers
• 5:22
  Speaker 6: from some candy you ate, and then you'll be like,
• 5:23
  Speaker 6: these socks, how is my thing like so annoying? But
• 5:27
  Speaker 6: you can have everything everywhere?
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: Hey, I can't. I can't I help that.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: So yeah, so then it's like, yeah, that's what I
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: don't like.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, So that's those are two minor things. That's not
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: big deal obviously, you guys like that. That's not going
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: to be anything that breaks a company. No, no, no.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: And I would also say that I would guess that
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: you have a very high sex drive yah ya, and
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: that Sam would have is it hard for you to
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: keep up with her sex drive because she seems very horny?
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: What why do you feel like I see warny. I'm
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: just curious to where where you got this from.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Well, well, first of all, I think I heard you
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: have sex. I heard about it. I heard about it,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: so and I know and I know what. I forget
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: what you said, give it gigimy. They were fucking on
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: my terrace in my orcame again. I would say, it's
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: about your personality. You have a very flirtatious vibe about you,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and that's a good thing. I think that's good. I
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: wish I were more feminine. It's not something to be
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: ashamed of. It's just you guys have very different vibes.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: What Sam vibe? Do Sam not give off sexual energy?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Vibes? I wouldn't say it's sexual energy, No, not at all,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Damn Sam. What you mean Sam gives off? I mean
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: to you, she does. But you know, like you guys
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: have a thing.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: No, No, what do I give off?
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: That's what You're not flirting with me?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So I wouldn't know what those vibes are. And Yo,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: you're not walking around swinging. Maybe you are swinging your
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: dick around. That's a description of it.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: But I might accurate.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: Or what what do you think I don't?
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: I think I don't think I have a high sex drive.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: Do you think I do?
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 7:19
  Speaker 6: I think you you're a horny I think we approach
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: sex different.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Okay, that is true.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I think your approach is sex is like, come on,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: put it in, do it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: We want to get penetrated. I want something in you
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: right away.
• 7:31
  Speaker 6: Well not necessary, And my like approach is like a build,
• 7:35
  Speaker 6: a slow build. I'm not I'm not rushed. I'm not rushed.
• 7:40
  Speaker 6: You're rushed.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: I'm not rush. You're just more of a like a baby,
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, all right, come on.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Let's get to it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's funny.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I used to be like that with sex, like I
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: just wanted to as soon as you get turned on,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you just want something inside you. You're like, let's go,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: and then you miss all the foreplay though, And now
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like what Sam is describing because now I understand
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: that it's more to fool around for me anyway, I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: like to fool around for a while.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: What's a while for you?
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Like a few minutes, like not more than ten minutes?
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: Okay, Sam needs more than ten minutes.
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: Are you.
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: Don't, Yes, you do ten minutes of fooling around.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, it's like warming up a car. You have you
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: need time. You'll be like, no, not yet, you need time.
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: You like to make out and do all of that
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: stuff you like to do. You co play for what
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: are you considering eating pussy for play?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: No?
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, it goes because we're lesbians.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Wait, eating pussy's not for.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: A play, I mean ends game.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, for straight people, it is for a play.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: Oh no, no, no, that's sex for us.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but that's why you have to get the
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: strap on, because that's not You need penetration.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I need it, but don't you want it right after
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: you come from that all the time all the time?
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: Oh? I like that.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I like a one two punch, I.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Mean some fingers.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: It doesn't always have sometimes some time, but not all
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: the time. Sometimes I can do the one two punch,
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: but not all the time. I don't need it all
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: the time.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, well, so yeah, I'm not kissing you for
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: ten minutes.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: No, I'm not saying kids, But it's like caressing and
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: talking and all the other stuff.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: You like to swoon.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: You like to she's like Harry Belafonte, Yeah, all right, boy,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: you don't feel like that.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: No, I don't feel like that.
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: What do you feel like?
• 9:21
  Speaker 6: If we're and I think what it is is like
• 9:25
  Speaker 6: y'all wake up and you'll be like do it to me,
• 9:27
  Speaker 6: and I'll be like that, ain't that ain't how to
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: get this done?
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: If you really we're really gonna talk about this.
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: Okay, you're not smooth. You're not going to put all
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: this on me. And you know you're not smooth. You
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: are real weird doork when it comes to say I
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: think I'm smooth.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: No, you're not smooth.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: I think I'm smooth. I'm sexy.
• 9:42
  Speaker 6: You're not smooth, and you're not you don't know how
• 9:45
  Speaker 6: to do it. I'm not gonna say you're not sexy
• 9:46
  Speaker 6: because I find you you sexy, but when you start
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: doing your moves, your moves ain't sexy.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, so that may be true.
• 9:54
  Speaker 6: So you're so you'll be like rah, literally you will
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: do that.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you will do that, And let you know what
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: that time and time it is like a cartoon.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: If it's nine ten or fucking nine.
• 10:08
  Speaker 6: Eleven, like a cartoon, like and I'm just like all right, Like,
• 10:13
  Speaker 6: that's not getting it going. So then I got to
• 10:15
  Speaker 6: take over and like do what I gotta do to
• 10:18
  Speaker 6: get us where we need to go, because you're just
• 10:20
  Speaker 6: gonna be like hi and do like and stuff like, yes,
• 10:26
  Speaker 6: you do be doing stuff like that, and you'll be
• 10:30
  Speaker 6: doing stuff like that, Okay, I.
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: Mean I try.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: I've never had to work hard, so maybe that's what
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: it is.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: That's probably why it's coming off. So goofy.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Well, you have some good chemistry going. Obviously, you have
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: a good sex life. You have a healthy sex life.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think you guys would either tolerate either of
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: you would tolerate being in a relationship where you didn't
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: have a healthy sex life.
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: I mean, well, I wouldn't say that we haven't been
• 10:55
  Speaker 6: fucking for a while, but I think that that's just
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: happens when you're with someone for a long as time.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Gonna be like for a wow, like it's been eighty years.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: No.
• 11:04
  Speaker 6: I mean, I'm just saying, like I think everybody I
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: know who's been in a very long ter, you go
• 11:09
  Speaker 6: through droughts. We were just like yeah, but when we
• 11:11
  Speaker 6: back at it, when we're at it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: So what's a long time for you guys to go
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: for not having.
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: Sex a few months, like months, yeah.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that is a decent amount of time.
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think too much, cap Yeah, but it's also
• 11:23
  Speaker 6: like she's on the road, she's busy, or what happened
• 11:26
  Speaker 6: with you going on the road with her?
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: You just gonna do it all the time?
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: No, I've just been saying home more to give her
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: more of her space to grow as an artist independently,
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: because that's.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: How she getting in fights with the audience members.
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: Yet that yep, now, just giving her space to you know,
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: well you can explain.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: What you Oh, no, go ahead, big mama, you got it, Okay.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: Well, she's just developing new stuff.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: So she's just trying to get back to the roots
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: of when she first fell in love with comedy and
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: when she was first on the scene and getting back
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: to the roots of grinding and like not.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: Staying at the best places and doing all of that.
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: And when I'm on the road with her, she feels
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: like she has so common it means stay at the
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: best way, you know what I'm saying up to totally, that's.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Exactly how I feel. What I take anybody.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so she wants to just get back to the
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: roots of it.
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: So I've just been staying home more and get in
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: the house, you know, doing my own thing and letting
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: her get back to the roots of being a comic.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, this is a perfect cutoff point to end
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: this episode. More on sex with Yaya and Sam when
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: we return. You can check out Sam Jay who is
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: on tour now in cities all over the country and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: she's fucking funny.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: If you haven't seen her on The Roast or on
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: her own.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Special, then go watch both of those her specials on
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: HBO Max now known as Max. And then you can
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: follow Yaya at Vanity dot Vixen on Instagram and TikTok
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: and it is worth the follow because she's up to
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: some well shenanigans. I mean, you'll understand what I'm talking about.