Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Brian Austin Green and Amanda Kloots Are Honest About What Divorce Taught Them

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Brian Austin Green and Amanda Kloots Are Honest About What Divorce Taught Them · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, this is Brian Austin Green and here we are.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: It's another episode of I Do, Part two and I
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: am so thrilled today to be joined by a really
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: incredible woman who I've been lucky enough to be friends
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: with now for years. And she is fantastic. She's a
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: television host, she's the founder of the supplements brand Proper.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: She is a mother, She's an incredible mother. Please join
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: me in welcoming Amanda Klutes. Okay, So we were just
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: talking about grief and the hard things that you go
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: through in life and how those become this amazing catalyst
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: for change. Like I've been through so much terrible stuff,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Like I went through the divorce, I went through this
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: uh neurological thing that I went through that I told
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: you about that. So it's like all of these things
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: where looking back on it, when I was in it,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: it sucked.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: When you're in those moments, you go, this is terrible. Yeah,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: what what purpose does this serve? Why am I going
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: through this? I can now look back on all of
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: those things and go, I wouldn't change any of them,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: as hard as they were. And I mean I, of
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: course I'm speaking for myself. Yes, because I'm sure for
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: you that's a that's a very different statement than it
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: is for me.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Nobody.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's those fucking it's the catalyst.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: My first marriage divorce, and that was the first time
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: I ever like went into therapy, and I hated it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: It was like talk therapy in this like room on
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: thirty third in Madison Avenue, and it was like a
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: couch and the therapist.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: What did you go into into therapy for?
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I think initially because I was thirty two Brian going
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: through a divorce and everyone told me you should go
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: to therapy.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, I guess you go to therapy.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I'm going through divorce. I should go to therapy, Okay.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: And I actually really liked the woman. She was great,
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: she really helped me. But I think I went like
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: six times and then I was like I'm fine, I'm good,
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: And maybe I was at the time, you know what
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I mean, Like I think in a weird way, I
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: was because you know.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: What you were going in there for at that point,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: or were you just going because people told you you should.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: I think I was just going because people told me
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I should. Once I was in there, we started talking
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: more about like my marriage and why it collapsed and
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: how I can move forward.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: But I really.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't even let myself. I don't think learn from
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: that therapy too much, you know what I mean. After
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: six times, I was like, I'm good, and then I was,
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: you know, fine, But since losing Nick and being on
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: this journey now, I'm like literally doing so much work
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: on myself. And I really don't think I would if
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: I hadn't gone through that hard time for sure. And
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I know that sometimes people don't do that, you know
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: what I mean, Like they don't go to the therapies.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: It's hard, right, It's hard to crack yourself open.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: That's not easy.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: But I am so fascinated by it and fascinated by
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: how each one kind of leads to another and opens
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: up different parts of yourself that you didn't even know
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: you needed opened that I find it so fascinating.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I feel like they're different stages of therapy. I think.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times people go to therapy
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: the first time because it's you feel this like release
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to just sit and point fingers at everybody that ever
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: did anything wrong to you, and you're like, oh, I
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: feel so much better. I hit a pillow and I
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: did like I did those things, and I yelled and
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I got it all out, and yeah, oh I feel great.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: But then therapy gets hard because you have to get
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: to a certain point. Truly, if you want to grow
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: with therapy, you have to get to a point where
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: you go, Okay, I've done all that. Now let me
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: point at myself and go, Okay, what do I do?
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: What things from when I was a kid? What things
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: the red flags that I collected from these previous relationships
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: and experiences and things. I don't want to carry those
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: with me anymore into anything new with somebody else because
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: they don't deserve those. Yes, but that's the work. That's
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: the hard part to me. Okay.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to be very and I love that
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: I get to talk to you about this today because
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: this is my recent development with Amanda and how I
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: can try to use this in forward movement with dating. Okay, So,
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: since eighteen I moved to New York, I was taking
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: care of myself. Then I started working on Broadway. I
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: was taking care of myself. My first husband. We were
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: so young, so poor. No one's taking care of anyone.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: You're just surviving.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Then you get.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Divorced, I had to take care of myself again. Then
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: I start dating Nick again. We're so poor, we're both actors.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: We really, you know, don't have any chance to get
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: our footing. And then I lose him, and again I
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: have to take care of myself. Now I'm taking care
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: of myself and my son. So I am innately a
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: very very independent I'll just do it. I only trust myself.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: Why should I trust somebody else. They're gonna let me down.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: They're gonna let me down there. I know I can
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: trust myself. I'm safe within myself. I know I can
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: do it right. However with and this is where I
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: need your advice. This therapist was telling me, like, okay, now,
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: enter in a man. A man wants to be needed,
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: wants to be desired, wants to help his woman, wants
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: to be the hero. And I don't let him because
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I'm so used to doing everything myself and I need
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: to try to find that balance. But it's really hard
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: for me to trust that somebody will do it. And
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: guess what, the second you let me down then inner, Amanda,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: it's like, see, I couldn't trust you. I'm just gonna
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: have to do it myself again and it's so bad
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: and so like that's my new crack in me that
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: I'm really trying to fix.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It's not first of all, it's not bad like what
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: you to me. One of the things that's always impressed
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: me about you is that you grind. You always have
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: all of these things going that I know you've done
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: on your own, and it is incredibly impressive because for
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: anybody that feels like, God, I'm really tired and there's
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: a lot going on, I don't know if I can
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: commit to so many things. You, to me are the
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: proof of like go fuck yourselves. You're being lazy, Like
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: get off your ass and go do it what you're
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: talking about now, in like trying to crack that pattern.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: That's that's a tough one because that, to me, in
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: my opinion, that is that's that kind of blind trust
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: that you need to go into something with. And I always,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I always try and equate things back to my first relationship,
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: and it's a that's an odd thing to say, but
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: whenever I think of my first relationship, I was the
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: most open at that point. I just loved like I
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: had never been curt I'd never had my heart broken.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I had like I had never felt let down by
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: somebody that I I'd never loved that way before. And
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: that is my reminder when I go into new things
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: of going okay, as hard as it is, like do
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I want that experience? Do I want that feeling again?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: If I do, I have to go into stuff that way. Yeah,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Like I have to put my guards down and my
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: wall and I have to I have to admit that
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: like those red flags and those things didn't come from
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: this new person. This new person doesn't deserve any of
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: that being put on them because they haven't done anything
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: to deserve those things. But it's hard, it's so hard,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Like it's really that is that like conscience, that conscious
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: living thing where you have to sit in every moment
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: and go, okay, here it is, here's the thing coming up.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do that anymore. So this is
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: it's it's about choosing who you want to be compared
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: to who you are. Who you are is who you've
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: been made from past experiences and relationships and struggles and things.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: But you the only thing I think you have control
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: over is the person you choose to be.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Do you think that this is why relationships?
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: As we get older are tough because you know everyone's
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: coming in with their baggage, and it's really easy. Like
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: it's super easy for me to when something goes wrong,
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: not fight for it right because I know I can
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: take care of myself.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: I have you.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: At my own job, I have my own money, I
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: have my son, so like I can abort and I
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: can be like I don't want to deal with this,
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: But like, if you really care about that person, you
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: have to put all of that aside and like trunch
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: through the mud again with them, And that's tough.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: You have to decide what you want, Like do you
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: want a relationship with someone where you share your life
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: with them? If you do, yeah, you have to live
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: consciously in those moments if you don't, which is totally fine. Yeah,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Like if you make that choice of like, you know what,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go it alone for a while until I
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: meet somebody where I really feel like I don't have
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: to put it any work because they're already on a
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: path that our paths are similar and so it works.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: But you have to decide on your own what it
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: is you want, even of course it is I know,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: and believe me, it's not lost on me. That it's
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: for me to say it's it's easy for me to
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: say it's not easy for me to do.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, none of this, none of it.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Is easy, Like it's not. I you know when people
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: talk about meditating and they talk about it like it's
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: so easy, and I think that's the thing that is
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: so hard for people outside of it is like, Okay,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: well you make it sound easy for you, but it's
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: not easy for me. And it's like, well, you need
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: to stop putting pressure on yourself for the situation to
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: be the same as somebody else's experience, Like you need
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: to live consciously in it and find the thing that
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: works for you you. Meditating is just a stupid example,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Like I could never do it. You know where my
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: meditation is dy gardening, those things where I'm by myself
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: and I'm doing stuff. I work out way more things
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: in my own head at those points than I do
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: trying to sit I can't. I can't do it. I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: cannot sit still garden and I like I'm all about
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: which is it? Used to There was a part of
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: me a while ago that was like this is embarrassing
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: to talk about. Yeah, I love I love being on
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: my own and doing those things now. It's actually it's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: really amazing that I get to share those things with Sharnas.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: So it's like, but that has been the experience with her.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Like I was, Yeah, tell me a little bit about.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: There's nowhere in a place. I mean, I was newly divorced.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I was nowhere in a place ready to actually be
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: in a relationship.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: How newly divorced were you? I don't think I know
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: these deals.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I was a year and a half, but I mean
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I was. It was a fifteen year relationship. We were
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: married for almost ten years.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Wow, Yeah, that's been a long time.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: A year and a half not a long time. I
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: was in I was back in what was our family
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: home before with the kids. Like I really had found
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I had really figured out how to handle having the
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: kids on my own, and I was I was really
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: feeling confident with it. I was good. I was like, oh, this, like,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I can take care of three kids, I can be
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: in the house, I can do the thing. I'm good,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Like I've got this. There was nothing that worried me
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: at all. And then my business manager was up at
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: the house and I made her coffee and we were
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: talking and she texted me as she was in the
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: car driving back to the office, and she was like,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I have a client that I think you should meet.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, this woman is not a matchmaker a
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: gay She said, I have a client that I want
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: you to meet. I was like, okay, like it was.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: It was intriguing just because I just never expected it,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: yeah at all. And then she ended up texting Sharna
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: with the same thing, I have a client that I
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: want you to meet. When I'm with him, here in
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: my mid me of you. When I'm with you, you remind me
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: of him, like I think you guys are. So we
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: were both kind of intrigued. Sharna had been single for
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: five years at this point wow, because she had been
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: in these relationships that were failing in very similar ways.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: So she intelligently realized, like, I'm the common denominator in
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: all of this. So I want to go in and
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I want to figure out what I do, what like
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: why my pickers broken, what I'm looking for that's wrong,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: what you know, and what I should be looking for.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I want to really find confidence just in being alone
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and being myself. So she did a lot of the
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: same things that I did. She was much more in
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: a place of like ready for a relationship than I was.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: We ended up having coffee and we talked for like
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: six hours. Six I've never done that with anybody.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I was like, wow, there was nothing sexual to it.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: It was during COVID, so it was kind of like
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: you had to sit outside on the patio and it
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: was that weird thing remember when you'd go and they'd go, Okay,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: you have a half an hour, and then you have
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: to get up because we have other people that are
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: waiting to sit down. Remember all that weird stuff. So
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: we did. So we did that. We were like that
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: was really amazing. And I was supposed to be at
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: work and I ended up being late. She was supposed
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to be somewhere and ended up being late because we
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: literally never even looked at our watches.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: When we were sitting You talked probably about anything and everything.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: We talked about our strong points as far as like
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: what we had learned just in life. We talked about
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: the things we were terrible at. We never put on
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the facade of like trying to be the best version
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: of yourself you can be to impress somebody. Never and
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: we did that, and then we were like, oh, we
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: should do this again, and so two days later we
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: went and had breakfast somewhere near her, and it was
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: We talked for another four hours and the restaurant thanked
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: God didn't kick us out, And it just like it was.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: It was this thing that I never saw coming because
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I really, at that point in life, made a choice
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: of I am never again going to be so concerned
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: about what somebody else thinks about me that I'm not
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: myself that I turn those qualities off, and then I
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: get lost in a relationship. But it's a it's there's
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: there's a fear to it. There's kind of a blind
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: trust in it. That's not any like, it's not an
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: easy thing. I can't imagine for I can't imagine for
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: you because you have made such a life of being
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: independent and being fine on your own.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's it's a hard thing to It's like
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: it's beautiful and it's tough all at the same time,
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean?
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Like I love my little life with Elvis. I love
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: our house.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I love when we sit on the couch together and
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: watch something on you know, a movie or something. We
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: are this little pair and I love our little life.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: But I grew up in a family with five kids
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: in you know, my mom and dad are still married
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: fifty two years now. It's like I love having a
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: partner and I love having a family, but now I'm
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: so used to the opposite that it's hard to think
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: of like going to that way now, you know what
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I mean. Like as much as I'll romanticize living in
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: a house with somebody and having a bigger family or
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: a combined family, I love my life how it is
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: now too. So it's a really weird battle that you know,
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: I play in my head.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Ye told not to be the bearer of bad news.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: But the life that you're living right now is not
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: going It's not a sustainable life. You and the and
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: the partnership that you have with Elvis. He's going to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: grow up.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: No, he's not, I know.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: But I mean I know this because I have a
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: twenty four year old and I now have a four
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: year old, and I like kids. You have a certain
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: amount of time with them where they're they are your
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: partner and your best friend, but then they get to
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: a certain point where you're not their best friend anymore.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I know, they have new friends. How old is Elvis now?
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: He's going to turn seven in two weeks.
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: I know not to I know not to on that
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: at all, but like, I have an almost almost ten
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: year old, and it had like he's right at that
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: age where friendships at school and all of that start
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: taking over.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they just become way more important than they were
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: before than his entire life has been. You up until
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: this point, you've been his partner through it all, but
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: he's been your partner also, And I think that's the
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: difference between your kids being your partner and then your
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: partner being your partner, your spouse like you, because that
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: person is your partner through all of it. It's supposed
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: to be through life. Yeah you're not. You're not worried
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: about like, oh you're going to grow up or like
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: that doesn't happen.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: I know you're right, and it's and and no, thank
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: you for saying that, because I of course I think
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: this way too. And I'm like, I know Elvis is
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: going to, you know, keep getting older and not want
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: me around as much.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: It's not that he's not going to want you around,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: it's that he's going to in a different way, different way,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: in what is truly a healthy way, Like you want
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: him to be a healthy adult.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Want him to have an amazing relationship with you, which
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: you've absolutely laid the groundwork for that, and you've bust
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: your ass to do it, and fucking bravo to you
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: for doing it. But then also you want him to
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: be an adult that can function on his own because
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: you I want him to be a good husband and
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: a good father. And what that takes is then that's
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: going to take all of his attention with his family
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, you know, and he's got to
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: know in his mind and in his heart that you
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: are always there, so he doesn't need to put the
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: same amount of work into the relationship with you that
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: is just there. Yeah, but that drastically changes things for you.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I know, I know.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: How has it been dating for you since Nick, since
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: you moved out here with Elvis. I'd like to walk
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: us through that a little bit.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: It's well, in a weird way, I started dating for
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: the first time at forty because my first marriage was
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: very young. It was sort of like my first boyfriend too,
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: and then that marriage ended and I met Nick right away,
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: So for the first time, like dates, so.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: You didn't have to date, you were right.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: I never had to really date because again I was
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: like in Broadway, I was in theater, so like the
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: single men are rare, and I you know, so I
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: didn't date in college because it was a musical theater
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: school and so yeah, it was like bam bam. And
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: so I'm now forty, single mother widow dating for the
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: first time, Brian.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: In this city. I mean, welcome to the world.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Like I was like, Yace, Yeah, you know, what is it? Like,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: I will say, like, sometimes it's really fun. Sometimes you
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: have these like mini micro relationships and you're staying out
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: till two o'clock in the morning having a blast, but
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: then you know your mom the next morning, so you
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: feel like you're living two lives.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: But in a weird way. It's fun.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's super depressing, you know. Like I found Rayah
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: the most pressing thing in the entire world. After six months,
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: I got off of it.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I couldn't do it.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I've heard nothing but horror stories about Ryot.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, everyone I met was a nice guy.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: I never met anyone that I had more than one
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: date with, but it was but it was so depressing
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: to me, like clicking on people, like I felt like
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: I was grading people just based off of this video
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: that they were showing. It made me feel like an
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: awful person, like rating somebody when I'm a very like
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: in person, chemistry person, I'm not somebody that like I
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: have a type.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: I don't. I don't have a type.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that made me feel like just crap, like
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: rating somebody being like, oh, you're good enough for me
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: to start talking to It felt weird. And then I
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: think I would get so excited about a person if
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: we had like good banter or something, and then when
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: I would meet them in person, it was it wasn't
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: what I had expected, and so I would leave feeling
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: super depressed. And then on top of that, I leave
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: depressed going they weren't who I thought. And then I
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: would be like I shouldn't have to be doing this
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: right now. I had it, figure it out. I was married,
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: I had a husband, Like I why am I back
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: in this pool in this situation, Like it's not because
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: I'm a crazy lady, Like I am a normal person
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: and I shouldn't have to be, you know, in this
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: dating pool.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Again, like had it? I had it. So it was
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: like all this layers of emotion.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I frustration, frustration.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then again like some some highs of like
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: this is exciting and fun. And I will say, now
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: I'm at the point where I've learned that all of
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: this dating has just taught me so much about myself
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: and I love I love that. Like I look back
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: on each of these, not the one dates, but like
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: the guys that I would see, you know, for a
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: little bit or have three month relationships with, they all
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: taught me something Like For instance, like one guy was
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: just like all we did was have fun in life,
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: laugh and I was like, oh, you know what, Like
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I really need to have fun and laugh in my life,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: Like that's a key. One person was like the first
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: dad I ever dated. I was like, oh, I really
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: love dating a dad. Like he just gets it, like
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like that's a layer I
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: think that in my life I kind of need now,
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: like I need to date somebody that's.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: A father that understands it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that gets it.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: So Like it's cool because I used to hate dating,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: and believe me, I still do in a weird way,
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: but at least it's like shown me like these puzzle
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: pieces that I need for my puzzle, you know what
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: I mean. For Amanda which I didn't know at forty
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: because I didn't have the experience, right, and most people
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: get all that experience in their twenties and thirties, but
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I was married.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I get it. Yeah. Yeah, So it's like, yeah,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: there was tons of things where it's like, God, I
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: didn't experience any of this when I was younger, and
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: now at this a I'm going through this like this doesn't.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that's at this age with kids, with kids
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: and trauma.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I had four kids. All of a sudden, I was single.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, how am I going
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: to do this? Okay, you know what I need to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, I have to do this. I need
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: to stop this right here. We're gonna have to make
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: this a two parter because this conversation is just way
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: too good for one. So let's do that and then
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: we'll see people next time.