Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Joanna Lohman - Soccer Fields to Family Life Lessons in Leadership and Love

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Joanna Lohman - Soccer Fields to Family Life Lessons in Leadership and Love · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad's show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jacobs with the quarterback dad cast, and welcome to season 5.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And before we get to today's episode and a quick message, I wanted to say thank you so much to Assam and team up at Latitude Sitka or Latitude 57.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: You guys have been just a fantastic partner.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: I want to say thank you so much for your sponsorship, your support and ways to spread the message to other dads out there how we're trying to improve the leadership skills in the homes of many families across the world.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: With that said, I want to let you know there's going to be some new sponsors being added to the podcast, and I also wanted to highlight what's going to happen in the month of February, which is the first ever women to join the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Everybody yes, you heard that right.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: You're going to have the very first women ever to join me on my show for the next four weeks.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: You're going to hear from some fantastic women supporting dads and you're going to learn about some perspective, but, more importantly, you're going to be educated, and I want to say I'm so excited for these women who are going to be coming on.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: So with that, let's get right to today's episode.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Well, hello everybody.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: It's Casey Jacobs with the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: We are in season 5 and we are recording in January.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: This episode will be coming out in February and, as you know, february is the first time in all the seasons of the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: We are going to a different gender dad.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: We're going to talk to some women and we're going to learn about a women's perspective.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: And we're going to talk about how this next guest, who's become a great friend of mine and I mean be a better friend after this hour we spend together how she and her wife are working hard to become that ultimate parent of the household.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Her name is Joanna Lohman.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: She grew up in Silver Springs, maryland.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: She once was a scorpion turned in Nittany.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Lion turned keynote speaker, came out of the keynote author extraordinary.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: She's part of the US national women's soccer team.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: She played soccer for nearly 20 years professionally.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: But more importantly, we're going to hear about Joe the parent, and how she's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of her home.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: So further ado, miss Joanna Lohman, welcome to the quarterback dad cast.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, casey, I am so honored to be one of the very few women you have allowed on your podcast and I got to know, casey, why me?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Why did you choose Joe Hawk?
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I got a.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: You know, I got a Wiccan Mohawk over here they call me the rainbow warrior.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Why did you choose me?
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: It hit me in my heart.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I hit me in my heart and when I was going through women, who, who I think could make a great, great, great perspective.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: And then I'm all about growth and curiosity.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: As you might be the authenticity activator, I might be the curious cow and I love curiosity.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: He's a superpower.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: And my friend, dale Fabers, who is a mentor in my life from a diversity perspective.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: He's opened up my eyes to so many different things, diversity and I thought you know what.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: I want to really shake this thing up and I want to hear, I want to talk to to Joe, because Joe might not be a dad, but then Joe and her wife, someone's going to play a mom or dad person, whatever that role is.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: And in the end, it made me think, you know, but we're, we're trying to create great humans and we're trying to create great leaders of our homes, regardless of your gay, your, your straight, whatever it is doesn't matter.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: And I thought what a great opportunity to get to know you better and what a great way to highlight some of the great things you're, you're working on, which we're going to talk about in the end more importantly here.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: So it was a brand new, exciting program and I want to make sure people learn all about your book and how to hire you as a keynote speaker.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: But I wanted to learn about Joe, the parent, and how you're working hard to become that ultimate leader of your home.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: That's why I had you on.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I love it, and diversity is our superpower, and so I'm excited for your audience, who may not know me or get to listen to a lot of female voices.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for what they can learn and the perspective shift they may have after this podcast.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So again, thank you.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Grateful to be here and to drop some knowledge nuggets on your community.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Love it Everybody, so Joe and I should I call you Joe or Joanna.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Joe's great.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Joe.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: So we had our brief time at Limitless Minds as the room tilters.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: I love I had so much fun there but I think timing for me was like at the end kind of wrong time and as things were growing and I still I'm a biggest Limitless Minds cheerleader from SILENZE, even though I'm not in the squad anymore but I was grateful to have time getting to know you there.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: But okay, we always start each episode with gratitude.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Tell me, what are you most grateful for as a parent today?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I am most grateful for my daughter, luna, who she just turned one Casey.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: So we are, we are in it, we kept her alive for a full year, so I'm grateful for that.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: And something small she just got this really cool kitchen, casey.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: That is pretty like souped up and it's got burners, it's got a stove, an oven, refrigerator, an ice maker, and just the way her face lit up when she first saw this kitchen really is.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I think the highlight of parenting is seeing your child just that happy.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: That's.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: That's, though.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Those are the ones, the moments like my football coach in college is whatever I reference football, we got to give love to Uncle Rico from the point of dynamite that's.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: That's pretty to my point.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: That character, coach John's coach John Zamblin, said man, the one thing they'll never take from you is your memories.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: You got those forever and you just you're proof of that.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: You're going to have that memory, your daughter's smiling face.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: What I'm grateful for is, at almost 48, I think, I ran a 4-2-40 in the Dallas airport.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I was flaming.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, I never have to do that, but I my connection and I know usually I always try to find a direct flight, but this I had to have all the 737 max shenanigans right now.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I just switched to an airline and I literally had like 13 minutes to get from the Dallas C terminal to the A terminal.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I'd rent the.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: I was like straight sprinting, full sprint, please don't pull a hand me, please don't pull a hand me.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: And I literally got right into the American plane and she's like are you okay?
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, okay, I think I just qualify for the Olympics.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy I made this flight because that means I'm gonna be home to see my family and watch my daughter's high school basketball game last night, but C daddy needs a drink, so hook it up.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, dad.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Daddy needs some rest.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Ice compression and elevation, please Can.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I have some rice.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: So Well cool I'm so.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for that.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for that I'm home.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: It was a fantastic week, and I'm grateful for the chance to spend time with my kids this weekend and watch my daughter play a hoop game and watch her football with my son, so that'll be an obviously spent time with my wife too.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: So I would love to learn bring us inside the huddle, like per say, we always talk about.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: You know, I want to know members of the squad.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: So like, tell us a little bit about how you and your wife met and tell us a little bit more about Luna and what makes her so special.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I would love to you all.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: You know that I'm a keynote speaker.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: My wife used to work at the US Chamber of Commerce, and the commerce has a foundation side.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: They had an event called Sports Forward where they brought in powerful female athletes to talk about their experiences.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: So I was someone they brought in Abby Womback that name may sound familiar One of the greatest goalscorers of all time in men's and women's soccer.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: She was there too.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: They had a badass female rock climber and I was doing a fireside chat.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: At this point I didn't know who my wife was.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: She had no idea who I was, casey, she had no idea women's soccer existed.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: This is the best part.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: So she she wanders down because her friend helped to put on the event.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: She doesn't normally do this, so this is serendipity.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: And she sees me up on stage and she's like who is that hot chick up on stage rocking the blue blazer?
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, and you know, the chamber typically is a Republican leaning organization.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: It's it's more conservative, so it's not full of queer women.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: So the fact that Melody had worked there wandered down.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: She was like the one lesbian at the chamber at the time and she sees me up on stage and thinks that I'm, you know, I'm hot.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, and at that point you know there was a lot of high school girls there watching me speak, so afterwards I kind of got mobbed case.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I was.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I was a little bit of a big deal, so, melody felt nervous about coming up to me.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: So she decides, you know, I'm just going to go back upstairs to my office, turn around and say I'm going to go back upstairs to my office, turns out, I have a friend who worked the chamber, who knew her friend, and Melody, just kind of on a whim, was like hey, I just I saw this woman up on stage and she was so charismatic, she was so hot, I'm adding words into her mouth.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: But and it got back to me that Melody, you know was, was into me.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: And at that point I always like to say, okay, I'm obviously mijn прик scrä Lucy single.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: So my friend who knew Melody said to me Joe, I think you'd actually like this one, I think she would be great for you.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: And so I looked Melody up on Facebook at this time and I thought she looked amazing and I really wanted to get to know her.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: So I slid into her DMs case on Instagram hour.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: First date.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: That ended with me singing Celine Dion at the top of my lungs as I drove her home back to her apartment.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: And if there's anything that seals the deal, casey, it is Celine Dion.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: It's all coming back to me now.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the rest is history.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: That's going to be in my head the rest of the day.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: So thank you.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: You're very welcome.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going to sing it in your voicemail later.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: It's after you, it's all coming back.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And what's?
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: What was interesting is that we, we touched on the idea of children, but I I did not expect, and Melody didn't really expect, to ever have kids, and I think the power of two individuals coming together that really love each other, you can see a different future.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And so, when we got married, instead of wedding gifts, we decided to open a fund for IUI to create a little baby, and everyone was so happy to donate to creating Luna, and so, really, luna is a product of all of our friends and family, because they really helped us to financially create little Luna, and we have her now and it's been such a journey, as you know, as a parent, especially as someone who, you know, didn't set out to have children, as someone who has gone through their own journey.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: When it comes to identity, gender, I thought I had myself figured out and then, boom, when you have a kid, it's like looking in the mirror, right, it's like such a reflection, it's such a it's, it allows you to be so much more introspective, and the thought of being a quote, unquote mom.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I wasn't sure how that felt because naturally, I thought of my own mother and I'm like, well, I'm so different, my mother's amazing, but I'm just so different from her and I think I had a stereotype of what a mom is and this is, you know, for me, someone who thinks that they are very accepting, open.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: We have to challenge our own assumptions, and so that was a huge, I would say existential, I don't want to say crisis.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: But I was thinking to myself do I want to be called mom?
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Do I identify with that term?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: What does that term even mean?
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I realized, like, how narrow I was being, and so it took time for me to now call myself a mother, now to very proudly stand in that label.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: But I also, you know, my wife is called mama.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I think I may be called JoJo, like I'm very open to what Luna may call me.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: It could be Dodo, who knows right, like, whatever she decides, I think, for me as a parent and as the as the parent who did not birth Luna, meaning that there is no DNA of Joe in Luna, casey, right, we use the sperm donor, melody's egg.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Melody gave birth to Luna.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: There is no nature of Joe in Luna, it's only nurture.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: So the beautiful part of that is that I'm not constantly looking for myself in her.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I can give her space to be whoever she wants, and that space is even in what feels good for her to call me right and man, that's a hard thing to do is give your child space right To trust their journey, to trust them on their journey, and so that's really a gift that I'm trying to give to Luna is just that space to find herself and to make mistakes along the way.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: That is absolute part of my friends.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: We're going to store in this thing fucking gold.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Because what you just hit me like in the heart, what you said, is probably, I think, what every parent struggles with sometimes is their own identity is wrapped up in them.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, I was a shitty soccer player, so they have to be better than me in high school.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: I want them to be the best basketball player in town so I can go brag to my friends.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Yo parents, it's not our journey, it's their journey and what you said.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I think what you said is so freaking.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I got goosebumps when you're saying this.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: That'll help you so much more when Luna gets older, if you can hold that same mindset.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Man, that was good.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have no expectations.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Case, like everyone says to me, she's going to be a soccer player.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Is she kicking a ball?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Yet?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I have no attachment to that and I think sometimes, when you make it to the highest level, you're almost able to detach from it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: You're almost able to see it for what it is and not need that from your child, not yearn or crave for them to be great at what you should have been great at, because, not to toot my own horn, but I made it at a very, very high level.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I am the point zero, zero, zero, one percent.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Since 1985.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: There's only been about 250 women who have ever represented their country.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I'm one of those 250.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So, whatever Luna wants to be, she can be it right and there's not going to be any force for me, as her mother, as her you know guiding spirit, to force her into a sport that I've already played.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: If she loves it, great, I'm there for it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Loanman's on the back of her jersey.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: We're getting her everything, but it's definitely her lead and not mine.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I would love to.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Well, actually, real quick, you said something that made me think so.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't play professionally, I played stop at division two football level.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: But what you said about you know, like she's an outplay soccer to make you happy, that was your journey.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Like my son never played, he played.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: He played flag football.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: He never played tackle.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: He's going off to play golf at school called Southern Oregon in the university next fall.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: My daughter she's a Hooper.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I was not that good at basketball.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: My daughter is way better at basketball than I am and I think it'd be.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's because I played in college.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I have like different expectations, but when you said that it made me think about that.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: It just it's so.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think these are like conversations that you know for the dad at home that whether you're heterosexual, gay, it don't matter.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: We're trying to raise great kids everybody.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: And I think Joe's advice out of the gate is freaking mic drop moment, because it's a good reminder that this is their journey.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Detach yourself, support them, love them, figure out ways, stay curious, give them tools they need, but if they ain't going to go, rebound and work out and do all the things they want to do.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: That's their journey.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying create lazy kids, but if you're always the one forcing to do it, that's your idea, not theirs.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, 100% agree with that.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: I love the idea of providing them the resources and the opportunities and then it's their choice to decide what they do with those resources and opportunities.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Yep, love it.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, take me back to what was life.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: You were, you know, once a scorpion.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Scorpion.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: So but as a soccer is a massive.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: How about that pole, by the way?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: What's that?
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: How about that pole, by the way?
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's pretty, pretty good the scorpion Scorpions for life.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: And it is the top club in Maryland where I grew up and live now and I played for Bethesda Soccer Club for like 13 years case of my youth.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I think it was the good old days and these.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I don't think these situations exist anymore.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I won't say absolutes, but I think it's rare for a kid to play for a club for that many years.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: And my coach was a dad of one of the players, Casey.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: We're not talking about thousands of dollars a year, a coach over, coming over from England.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: It really was the most wholesome way to grow up.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I played the sport purely because I loved it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I played the sport because every time I stepped on the field I felt a level of freedom and inhibition that did not exist in any other aspect of my life.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: This was not at all pushed from my parents.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: They do nothing about soccer.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Their job was to help me get to practice.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Their job was to come to games if they could.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: They couldn't come to every game.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: They both worked full time.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I had two siblings.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: This was very much not the age of over-invested snow plow parents.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: This was.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Joe loves it.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Here are the resources.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Here are the opportunities.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Go get it.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: And what was amazing is, when you lead from that love, when you lead from that purity of enjoyment where the reward is the play itself, you will actually get rewards that you never imagined.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: When I started being recruited by Penn State, UNC, Michigan, Duke, UVA the top schools in the country getting offered full scholarships, my parents and I we could not believe it.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: We thought it was some sort of joke.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: We had the University of Florida coach in our kitchen coming over for dinner.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: It was never a means to an end case, which it is a lot of the time now for families, is that if you play a sport at a high enough level, I can get a college scholarship, I can play professionally.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: That really does a disservice to your child.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I think it does a disservice to the journey because it's not led from the purity of the process.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: And so, since it was such a wholesome team environment where I felt, first of all, supported, second challenged, third, I was a part of something that I was achieving, goals of people that I loved, admired and respected, and I was treated like a whole human, not a performer, but as a person, I was able to truly excel and I ended up going to Penn State University on a full athletic scholarship.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I was a four-time academic all-American.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I was two-time Big Ten player of the year.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I was up for the Heisman Trophy of Women's Soccer.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I was captain of the women's soccer team, going to go top five in the draft, Like you know, almost every award you can imagine I was achieving.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: But I had that drive.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I had that drive to consistently get better because I love the idea of a growth mindset.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I love the idea that if I kept working at something, I could tangibly see myself going up the ladder of youth national teams, right Under 21 national team full national team when I was in college, getting to play professional and that was a dream of mine since I was a child, but it was a far-off dream.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: It wasn't something that I thought about every day, it was just okay.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: If I consistently show up, if I consistently have the behaviors and habits that lead to high performance, then who knows what I can achieve.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Where do you think that drive came from?
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: It's such a great question.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I think it came from my parents, partly because they both worked full-time.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: They were both very invested in fitness.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: My mother swam, my father and I would go running together all the time so I consistently could see and observe them working hard for what they wanted.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: And then I think there was part of a natural piece of me that just had that desire to be great.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I had that desire to push my limits and to see what I was capable of because it excited me right.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: It really brought me so much joy to play with my older brother right and all of his friends.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I played every single sport growing up tennis, basketball, football, rugby, street hockey.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I swam, I played basketball.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: And this is I'm not the exception case If most great athletes are multi-sport athletes, because it translates, and when you don't play one sport all the time, your body is able to first of all recover, second of all, be able to build balanced skills.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: And so I was so athletic, I just loved being active and my parents nurtured and supported that from a very, very young age, even though I was a girl right, I was someone who was an outlier, I was a tomboy.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't always fit in, I didn't want to wear the dresses, right?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I refused to wear dresses.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: And my parents?
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: They didn't think anything was wrong with me.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: They thought everything was right with me and they just kept putting me in positions to create more opportunities for myself and do things that I loved.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I think the reason I asked that about drive is like I've met a lot of people in life I think me included where drive comes from adversity or struggle.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that's where you, as a kid, remember like this moment drove you to feel like man.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I don't want everyone to lose that, or or is it just from love and support of your parents?
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I think it was both.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I think you will find that.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: So in the research that we did for our book Raising Tomorrow's Champions, we interviewed over 100 of the greatest soccer players of all time and we did our research.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: So out of the 250 women that I referred to earlier that have put on the US women's national team jersey, we only found two of those 250 that are that are single only children.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: So siblings play a huge part in athleticism and many, many, many, especially of the, the earlier generations, let's say the 99ers, if you remember that generation Mia Hamm, brandy Chastain, julie Fowdy they all had older brothers because that was the only way to really play in their generation.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: I had an older brother, so I wasn't playing with girls my age.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I was playing with boys three years older than me who were knocking me down every single day, playing rugby, casey right.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Like coming home, bloody nose, bloody lips and like just wanting to do it more and more.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: We have some great stories growing up, my brother used to sing this song to me I am the best, you are the worst, right?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: So you know.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: And he pushed me off the bed one time.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I broke my arm.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: So I think just having that sibling competitiveness and that outlet to play against boys who were stronger than me and I was still beating them right.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I think that provided the foundation and the drive moving forward of of like fuck, I got this, you know what I mean.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Like I can do this.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: If.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I get knocked down every single day of the week, then I can do this on a Saturday and Sunday against girls my age.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I got worried there for a second.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I thought your brother was going to sing you a Celine Dion song, but thankfully that's not.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: No, never.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: He'd rather be caught dead, okay.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: So, as you think about the values that were important to your family growing up, that that's that stand out.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind and if there's a story that backs up some of those values.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: That's a great question.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I think my family.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: They always viewed their children as humans, right?
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: They always viewed us as people before performers.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: So, no matter how good I was at soccer, it was never the end, all be all.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I never.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I was never forced to wrap my identity around a result or an outcome.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: And I think my parents, regardless of the score, regardless if I scored a goal, if we won the game, they genuinely did not care.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: They just love to watch me play and they love to watch me compete.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: And I remember a story my mom told me this recently where again, I was competing against my brother in tennis.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: We played tennis growing up for our local swim club and I lost to my brother and we were walking home from the pool and I was, I was pissed off, right case, like I had lost.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I was angry, maybe even, you know, crying at that point.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I was a young kid and my mom didn't say anything, just was holding my hand as we were walking back and she squeezes my hand, right, that's all she does.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: She squeezes my hand and I look at her and I say I love you too.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: So, but she never said I loved you, she just squeezed my hand and I think that was like a signal to me of like I know my mom loves me, win or lose, whether or not I score a point or not, like she's there for me.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: And I think those messages were so consistently sent.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And if you ask my parents, they have no idea how my siblings and I are so successful.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: My brother went to West Point.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: He now works in the White House for the State Department.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: He has a purple heart.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: My sister is the chief learning officer of Moderna.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: She just came from Pepsi.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: So and then here I am as a professional athlete and they are dumbfounded by the fact that their children are so successful.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: And I think it was just because they sent these subtle messages throughout our childhood.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: It was nothing revolutionary, because it didn't need to be, it was just over time.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Like always being there, right, always, it's like that quiet support system.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: They're not out in front of me, they're not even next to me, they're right behind me and it's just like pushing me and nudging me and like keep going, you got this.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: And I think that made all the difference in the world.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: What did mom and dad do for work?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: My mother was a social worker and child abuse for 27 years.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: My father was a lawyer for a steel company and then owned his own trucking company.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Wow, and mom and dad so with us.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Very cool.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Are they still married?
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, very cool.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, over 50 years, damn yeah.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: What a great example 100% yeah.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I lost my pops in December 29, 2021.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: But what's cool about?
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Not cool that you passed away, but what's cool is like when I speak now I speak on the story of vulnerability.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I get a.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: I use a picture right here with me holding my arm around my senior year at ironically, southern Oregon, which is where my son's going to play golf, which is kind of very serendipitous.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Wow, you said that word earlier, which is one of my favorite words and I get when I speak.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: I get to speak about him.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I share a story about vulnerability, so people that parents are still around just embrace it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I know our parents as they get older, they do quirky things Like what's the?
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: That's not GEICO, but it's like one of those insurance commercials.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, that was so good.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Is it progressive when you're turning into your own parents?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I think that they're hysterical as a no, I'm just yeah, I should like I shouldn't joke with my mom, but maybe I will and Marshall will get to do this as well.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Sometimes just parents that get a little like when you don't text back, like within three seconds.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: They keep texting like I can't text back.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like busy, it's not because I don't like you, I don't love you, I'm or like they, just it's just the, and I'm like oh my God, I can't.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I can't be that person, but I probably will you know, like we all put in real parents.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's amazing, we really do.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: You said your mom loved watching you play.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of the, a man called Bruce Brown?
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: So Bruce Brown.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Remind me how I've remind me how I know that name.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: So Bruce Brown was the founder of something called proactive coaching.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Bruce Brown wrote an article and spoke about it throughout the United States, maybe part of the world around, the.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: It's called the car ride home.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: And he interviewed high school sports, college sports, pro sports athletes and they said what was, what's the number one of the number one um worst memory or toughest memory as a as a kid?
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: And they said the car ride home.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Because that was like the spot where you got coached, you got ripped, you got torched, you got all the judge versus.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: They love riding with grandma and grandpa because grandma and grandpa would say I love watching you play.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: So you're hearing it from a pro athlete, uh, and who's parents did it that way?
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: And so, moms and dads, if we're listening, it's just.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I know that I was guilty of it early in seven, nine months.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I still have to fight myself.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if I have a bad day at work and if I was driving, I don't want my kids tell me how shitty I am at my job.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: No, you know.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: So give me some space to get my mind right and so to lead with man.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I love watching you compete.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Love seeing you have a red face so fun.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: I love watching you play hard.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, you comment on their character, right.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: You comment on their effort versus the results or and so case you were saying that on the on the way home, you're sensitive to not share or critique performance.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Do you, at a later point, do that or do you wait if?
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: If your daughter asks you hey dad, could I have done something better than you share your opinion?
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: How does it work in your family?
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I I ideally love to see them come to me first, but if they don't, I think there's a message or some coaching that can happen.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: I lead with questions.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I lead with questions about hey, tell me how you felt, tell me what two things you loved about the game and tell me two things you might change.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I always like to remind the hey.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Do you know?
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: There's one time where dad and college through foreign receptions in the first half I sucked.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: That was not fun.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: But I still I but I played really, really well in the second half because I didn't.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: I just want to ask these questions about, like the sooner that you can realize it's okay not to know everything in life it just but it's not okay not to do anything about it, right?
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: And the sooner that you can lean into like we're all flawed and you, the sooner that you learn that at an early age you're going to be better than 99% of the world because our ego gets in the way.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how was it met?
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Typically from your daughter?
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: The information or the questions?
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Is it like an eye roll?
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Does it depend on her mood?
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Is she receptive?
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Totally Because it's been consistent.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Like I'll give you a perfect example.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, last night she played a game or team.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: I mean 14 women's hoop out here in Seattle.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: It's, it's not.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: There's some competitive teams or some they're, just unfortunately they don't feed.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: When we yeah, we could have scored 130 points last night, they they won 82 to 15.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: It was bad.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Wow 82 to 15.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: It was bad and they yeah, and it wasn't like we run it up, even though it sounds like it it was.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: It could have been north of 130.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Oh God, yeah, okay.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for this other team.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: It's not fun.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: It's it's not fun.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: It's not so but just like a shoot, like she's a good shooter but she rather would play defense.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: She loves D and loves hustle and so but her shot wasn't on.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Last night she missed three, threes which I was like there were good shots, you took good shots, but she sometimes her body language doesn't always and, but I said, not high percent of times she's got great body language.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You know she's very stoic, but last night so I I see it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Probably the rest of the crowd didn't see it.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I see.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: You know on the court she kind of throws her head back and frustrated and I told my wife.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I said not, not cool, not cool what I'm seeing out there.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: And she's like, I see it, I go, but we're not in the car.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: And so we, we got home and we said, hey, how are you feeling?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Tell me about the game.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: She's like, well, it was pretty frustrating.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Go, why?
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Well, my shot was off.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I said who cares?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the outcome.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Riley, yeah, I've yet to stuff.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Curry sometimes goes three for 17.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I reminded her.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I said there's a daughter, the one of her girls on our team, named Lily.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: Her daughter, her sister, named Ange.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: When Riley was like an eighth grade or seventh grade, we went and watched high school game and Ange, who plays at a different college now she went like oh for 13, oh for 13.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: And you would never see her.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: You never know it.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I go, riley, that right, there is fantastic body language.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: And I went up afterwards I found her mom Shout out to Katie.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: I said, katie, I'm so proud of your daughter and she, what a great example she just she just provided for Riley to show that you're never going to do what you expect.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: You're never going to make every shot, but you can get back on defense.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: So, like one time Riley had a, they gave her a like outlet pass last night, pass a little too far she.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: When she gathered it she was underneath the hoop and missed the lane Tough it would have.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: If it would have went in, it'd have been an amazing shot.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: The chance of her making it was probably not that good because she had no angle and she was like quickly frustrated but then turned it back on and full spread down.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: The court blew by, everybody stole the ball Got.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like right, that play is better than any three you make all year.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I love that case yeah.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: And we try to celebrate those because but anyways, back to your question she doesn't eye roll and at the end of the night I said hey, you know I'm.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: We share this with you because we love you and we have we have expectations of how we act and I think sometimes when you are have, by body language, it can be perceived as you're being selfish, which is not you and we're great teammates.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: First, whether you're getting two minutes a game or 80 minutes a game, like I, want you to be the most high energy person on the court, high energy person on the bench and and I don't know, my goal is I want to create vulnerable, humble and curious kids.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Hi, I'm Leslie Vickery, the CEO and founder of ClearEdge, a company dedicated to transforming the business of talent.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: Through our three lines of business ClearEdge, marketing, recruiting and rising that help organizations across the recruitment and HR tech sectors grow their brands and market share while building their teams with excellence and equity.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: I believe we were one of Casey's very first clients.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: He helped our sales and account teams really those people on the front lines of building and developing client relationships in so many ways.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: Here are a few.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: He helped us unlock the power of curiosity.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: For me it was a game changer.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: I was personally learning all about Ted based that's, tell, explain, describe, questioning and that really resonated with me.
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: We also learned about unlocking the power of humility and unlocking the power of vulnerability.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: Casey taught us to be a team player, to embrace change, to stay positive.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: He is one of the most positive people I know.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: He believes that optimism, resilience and a sense of humor can go a long way in helping people achieve their goals and overcome obstacles.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: And I agree Casey's book when the relationship, not the deal.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: It is a must read.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: Listen, whether you're looking for coaching and training or a powerful speaker or keynote, casey is one of the people I recommend, when talking to companies, the end result for us, at least as one of Casey's clients our own clients would literally commend our approach over all other companies, from the way we were prepared in advance of a call, to how we drove meetings, to how we follow up.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: It sounds really basic, I know, but let me tell you it is a standout approach that led to stronger relationships.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: I encourage you to learn more by going to kcjcoxcom.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: You have nothing to lose by having a conversation and a lot to gain.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to Casey's podcast, the quarterback dadcast.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: This is so essential that you're teaching Riley this, casey, because so very often, as parents, we are throwing, and unintentionally, we are throwing our kids into the deep end without teaching them how to swim.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: And what do I mean by that?
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: We don't, as parents either.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: We're not trained in mental performance, right, we don't have time because we're putting food on the table, we're making money, we're working our jobs, we're trying to keep them alive and breathing.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: That we aren't.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: We are providing the foundation they need for the inner resources to deal with this world of pressure and speed and volatility.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: There's so much changing on a daily basis, especially for young girls, now that they have their hands on social media, the messages that they're hearing each and every day, they're not.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: They don't have the foundation mentally to deal with it.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: And then you add in the pressure of sports and achievement in school, the amount that our kids are carrying without the armor to do so is.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: It's scary to me, right?
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: And that's essentially why I created the course, that I created the champion's mindset, because I see kids in pain.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I see kids and parents in pain.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I see them broken, showing up as like fractured souls right In a shell, not brave enough to come out of that shell because they really don't have the tools and techniques.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: No one's ever taught that to them, and you have a group of young women now who aren't able to put themselves out there because the world is tough and they don't have the resources to deal with it.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: So it's I'm so happy that your daughter is able to kind of get this right from you and you're very deliberate about it, like you understand that it's a long game and it's not about her becoming a professional basketball player.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: It's about her being the best version of herself and it's basketball just a vehicle, right?
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I appreciate it.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: I always, I always joke to my kids.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: I said guess what, guys?
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: Ryder Riley, dad has zero eligibility left, I can't play.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm done, I wish I would.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do I wish I could go back and do things differently 100%.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: But I think just because they've seen me and my wife how we've exercised and you know, now I don't exercise like I once did, because my fitness goals are don't get fat, don't get hurt.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: You know kind of say that tongue in cheek, but I truly mean it Like.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: I.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing a lot of heavy stuff anymore, but I'm just.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I keep moving, doing stuff every day, and so they see it.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: They see well, man, dad's always working out and hopefully, when they're in their 20s or 30s they're like this is my working out, was just wasn't an option.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Is what we do in our house?
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lifestyle.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to get into your course and book and speaking real quick, but I want to also go back to like as you and remind your wife.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Say Melody.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: You said Melody.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, melody, as you think about values that are going to be most important to you, to you both raising Luna.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: You know you, you share a little bit about how, how you were raised, which sounds just fricking the house of love.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: Tell me that that you know two or three values that you'll that'll be most important to you and Melody as you raise Luna.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we've.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: We've had this conversation because I think it's so important for parents and families to have conversations about their values, because it truly is your North Star, it is what will guide you in tough decisions.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: And our values one is authenticity.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: You know, I call myself an authenticity activator, and the only reason I'm able to call myself that is because I've had profound experiences that have challenged my own personal identity.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: You know, I was engaged to a man at the age of 21 and now I'm an androgynous.
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: You know, queer woman, a Celesbian I call myself, who married the woman of her dreams two years ago.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: And so we are always evolving and authenticity is, is dynamic.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: It's not a destination, it's an orientation, it's how we show up in the world, and so we want to raise Luna to be really exploratory, to really almost be her own archaeologists, her own scientists, where she's discovering aspects, you know, complexities, dimensions, gaps, weaknesses, strengths of herself consistently, on a daily basis.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: Because I think what I really want to dismantle, you know, not just for Luna, but like for society, is that it's not binary.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: This world is not binary.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: It's not either or it's not.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, no, it's not black and white.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: We are all things, we are all things, and life is about discovering how you are and what you love about yourself.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: What brings out your brightness and your joy and I think that is just such a huge piece of humanity is being able to see ourselves through a whole lens, as opposed to like fractions and just pieces.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: So, authenticity is a huge one.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Courage is very important in this household.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: We do hard things and we do it even when we're afraid, because the best parts of life are going to be on the other side of fear.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: So let's get used to it and then trust.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: Trust, to me, is the highest form of love.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: It is parenting while letting go.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: It is leadership, giving away control.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: And when I thought to myself when Melody was pregnant and I had nine months to think of what I was going to say to Luna when she came out of the womb because, as you know, typically they hand the baby to the non-birthparent because the other one has to get cleaned up and I'm like, what am I going to say to Luna?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: What will be my first words?
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: And I really like I thought about this and I thought I was like I want to say to Luna I trust you.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I trust you because I truly believe that is the highest form of love.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: I trust you, luna, that this is your journey and you are going to figure out who you want to be.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: I trust that you can be the hero of your own story.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: I trust that you will be the activator of all of your joy.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: And so when she came out and the doctor handed it to her to me I said Luna, I trust you, and that was a big step for me again of like creating that space of being able to let go.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: Is it hard to put this into practice daily?
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, you know what I'm saying.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: So difficult, but I always fall back on.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, I trust her, I trust that we're going to get through it.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: I trust that every single hard moment is going to make for a good life, and I think that's how we want to approach.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: It is just that holistic.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a long game.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: I want her to be happy at the age of 25, not at the age of seven, necessarily and like.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: What decisions do we want to make now, on a daily basis, that allow her to be happy, content, confident, walking through the world with a sense of sturdiness, right and durability later on in life?
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Gold when I speak I speak on, so authenticity.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: I wrote about that in chapter five of my book and then I wrote I speak on this word called value, which I joke, but it's the most overused word in life because no one knows what it means.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: So I created an acronym out of value and I tell stories out of each letter.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: So if I want to be valuable to anybody, I need to be vulnerable, authentic, level headed, understanding of others and empathetic of others.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: If I can be those five emotions, I'll be viable to anybody.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: When I talk about authenticity, I say the number one reason to be authentic dad joke coming because everybody else is already taken.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: So it's when I just lean into myself and like use very articulate.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: Very well, we all have gifts, awesome things to bring the world.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Let them out.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: And if someone doesn't like it, eff them.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Right, we'll spend time with people who do appreciate us.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: And one of the worst pieces of vice leaders give no offense to anybody.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: I'm probably going to fence, but he is fake it to you, make it Bullshit.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: I hate that advice.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: I absolutely hate that.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: And a year ago I was speaking to a company and not named company and one of the vice presidents before I went on stage said he literally said guys, sometimes we got to fake it to you, make it.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: And now I'm going on next.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is not good, because I have a slide that says the exact opposite.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh shit, what am I going to do?
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, here's a way to lean into my authenticity.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: I say yeah hey, I know that we don't know each other yet and in the movie old school, vince Vaughn's character says ear muffs when he wants to swear.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: So I want all you guys to put your muffs on real quick.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: Except for the vice president marketing.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: He never gonna have a quick little chat and I said can I want to apologize to you because in about roughly 20 minutes I'm going to convince your team to do the exact opposite of what you just said.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Wow, and it's going to be really awkward, but it doesn't have to be a few, and I can just agree, to be open minded, that I want to learn more about your views and you can learn more about my view, but in the end we both want your team to be successful.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: And it was like kind of like awkward, but then it kind of like broke the ice a little bit and at the end he's like I so glad you did that.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: I see what you're saying.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think to your point.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: It's let our kids be themselves.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: So I love that you guys are doing that Encouraged man.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: I was talking to a CEO this morning about fear.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, lily, fear is fear.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: Loves to hide inside of teams and loves to hide behind herself because it prevents us from failure, like failure.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: And failure is, as Tony Bennett says in um.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: He's a coach of Virginia basketball.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: He was only 16.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: I think the first 16 seed to lose to a one seed.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I remember that, yep.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: The next year he will.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and paraphrasing his quote, says life adversity is life's golden ticket.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: It really is.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: It's a catalyst for success, as you and I both know, and so it's as hard as it is, as it is as a parent, to watch your child struggle.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: You so desperately want to take that struggle away from them.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: You.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: You can't.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: You were doing them a disservice.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: You're doing yourself a disservice because you know what you're.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: You're dealing more with your own pain than you are theirs, right?
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: It's because you feel uncomfortable.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: So it's that question Is this serving my child, yes or no, or is this serving me Right?
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: I'm taking that step back.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: I tell you that the best, the hardest things to be as a golf parent.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough sport.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: I saw my son in a golf tournament and finished dead last.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, someone has to.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, he qualified for the state tournament last year.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: And for what a reason hit the Justin Thomas slump?
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: We have no idea why.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: What happened Finished dead last.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: I said you know what, bro, but would you rather finish dead last and qualify for state or not qualify for state at all?
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: You're in a state state dude Like you're one of 41 golfers in the state of Washington that made state tournament.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: Who cares you finish 41st, you qualified.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: There's only one way to get better next year.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: We can't get worse.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: That's so true you know it's, we kind of laughed about it.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, good point, dad, but I'm like golf's hard.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: Playing goalie is hard, playing soccer is hard.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, imagine, you know, when I played quarterback throwing interceptions, how do you think grandma and grandpa felt, yeah, jay Cox, you suck.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean no one's, at least no one's booing you on the golf course.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: There's a positive.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's actually a gentleman by the name of Bill.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: I'm blanking on his name Dr Bill.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: I'll just say Dr Bill.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, he had this little trick.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: He gives on mindset.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: It's called, even though.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: So, and I applied this.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: This was something we've used with our kids.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know if this will speak to you, but, like, if things don't happen like you want it to happen, or you don't meet your quarterly goal, you don't score his points, you don't win the game, say to yourself, even though dot dot, dot, I still did X, I still did Y, I still accomplished Z, there's always something positive you can find if you really look for it.
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: And so I.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: Whenever he doesn't do what he wants to do, I'll say time for an even though, bro.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: Text it to me and he writes it down so he has to see it, but yeah, Failure is progress in disguise right.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: Hmm, that's a good one.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: All right, I know you're getting really short on time, so let's talk about this fantastic course, because I know there's parents at home right now, moms and dads, maybe grandpas, that you've been intrigued by Joanna's elite mindset.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: Once USA, that's United States of America, if you don't know what that stands for soccer Hall of Fame extraordinaire.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: Now she's bringing her mindset to teach our kids some fantastic skills.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: So tell us all about this course.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: The course is called the Champion's Mindset and, as a 16-year pro, the first athlete in Washington Spirit history to have her jersey retired, member of the US men's national team who, in my opinion, casey, are one of the most significant teams in history I've also struggled immensely.
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: I'm a survivor of two field professional leagues, united States.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: I was one of the last players cut part of the 2007 Women's World Cup.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: I lost all three championship games I've ever played in.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: I tore my ACL and what should have been the best season of my life I spent time on the bench more than I have on the field.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: I am taking, I would say, all of my successes and all of my perceived failures and offering these experiences to female athletes ages 12 to 16 to really give them the resources, the tools, the techniques to mentally perform in this world full of pressure, challenge, change, adversity.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: And I specifically chose female athletes because you and I spoke about this.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: It's a really tough time for them right now.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: We are in a crisis.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I think youth sports is in a crisis.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I think we have coaches who are abusive.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I think we have parents who are inadvertently leading through outcome and result.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: I think we have a community of young athletes who have no idea who they are, they have no idea how to show up in this world and are constantly outsourcing their self-worth, whether that be to a coach, to their parent, to a teacher.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: And I want to raise future female leaders who have this sturdiness, who have this durability, who have this level of confidence that is unshakable, that every time they walk into a room they know exactly who they are and why they're there.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: And right now we are a society that really doesn't.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: We aren't equipped to give this to our young female athletes.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: And because of my experiences, because of my passion, right Because I do this in corporate America for adults every single day, I feel like I'm very well equipped to be able to provide this environment, the supportive environment, to really challenge and teach the resources that they need to excel in life.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: And this is much more than a game case.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: This is much more than a single field.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: This is about, again, creating humans who thrive, and that's what I really want to do is create humans who thrive.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: And so this course is all virtual, so we have no geographical bounds.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: It's a six-month course, exclusively with me.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: I'm only accepting 15 people.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: It's application-only, so I can really learn about who is applying and it meets three times a month and it's going to be very interactive a lot of discussion.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: We're going to open up and look deep inside of ourselves to figure out who we are, what are our gaps, what's holding us back Right, what's limiting us from being the person that we want to be, and we're going to build this incredible, badass, strong community of young female athletes.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm super pumped.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Is there a target age?
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: 12 to 16.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: 12 to 16.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: So that's that real sweet spot for a young woman, and you can find it on my website, which is joannolomancom, and I invite anyone, and it doesn't have to be an elite athlete.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: It's anyone who wants, I would say, a competitive advantage and also, too, who really wants to just build their humanity.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: So it's really for all athletes of all kinds and even anyone who could potentially be struggling in terms of finding themselves.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: I will make sure this is linked in the show notes.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: And where can they find your book?
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: This is question one.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: And if somebody said I want to have Joe speak, what do they want to have Joe speak about?
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: That's a great question.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Joe speaks about leadership, change management, adversity, and I speak to companies, corporations, groups.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: I'm in schools, right, I'm really someone who wants to ignite the human behind high performance and unleash authentic excellence.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: So if that sounds attractive to you, if you really want to get the best out of your teams, if you want to get the best out of yourself and find the way that you personally impact this world your authentic excellence then you want to bring me on board.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: My speeches are fun.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: I'm juggling soccer balls on stage now.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: Casey, Cannot wait.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: I share a lot of really deep personal stories.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: I sprinkle in science data, and so it's a really fun experience.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: And you can find me on my website again joannalohmanncom.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: I'm very active on LinkedIn, active on Instagram If you want to see pictures of Luna always a crowd pleaser, and it's something that I'm just so passionate about.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: So I absolutely love what I do and I'm so grateful for this opportunity to go ahead.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I was starting to interrupt you, jo.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: I mean Loanna loves watching shovel and snow too.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, hell, yeah, we got to shovel that snow we got to get Luna to take care.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: All right, we got like three minutes left.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: We're going to wrap up by what's called the lighting round.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: The lighting round is when I ask you questions, questions as quickly as I can, and my job is to get a gig out of you.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer them as quickly as you can and not laugh.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: And you're going to see the impacts of taking too many college hits not bong hits, but football hits.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: Too many headers Go.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and these giggles don't count.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, true or false, you are going to be starred in the next version of Ted Lasso, true Football is life Seriously.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: No, oh damn it, I was so excited.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: I was like I just released it.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: If I was to come to your house tonight, tell me what we're having for dinner.
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: We are going to have.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: This is a tough one.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: My wife is a Rocky, so we're going to have something delicious from the Middle East.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, tell me the last book you read.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: The last book I read was called this Is how it Always Is.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: I mean talk about a powerful book of breaking down the binary First, just sitting in the middle space of being.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: I mean this is if you want a book that really challenges your idea of gender.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: This is how it always is Love it man.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: Look at that one up.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: What is your pump up?
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: Go to song.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: So recently I did a speech for the Washington spirit.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: My walk out song was let's Go by Neo and David Guetta.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: Not Todo Africa.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: You know that's so funny, that's.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: That's.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: That's my second one.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: I do Africa too.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: Guarantee Smiler every time you don't not smile up to listen to Africa.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: If there was to be a book run about your life, tell me the title.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: The title would be the Rainbow Warrior.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: Rainbow Warrior.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: I love it there we go.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Now, if Rainbow Warrior was to be made a movie about your life, which they will and now it's crushing it.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: This book is being sold everywhere.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: Now they're going to make a movie about it, and Netflix has the Netflix and Amazon.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: They're all fighting for it.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: You are now the casting director and you need to know who is going to star Joanne Lohman, the critically acclaimed, hit brand new movie.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: You know it's funny is that people always mistake me for Megan Rapinoe, so I'm going to have Megan Rapinoe play me in this movie about that.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: We're flipping the script, baby.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: I love it so good.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, and then last question Tell me two words to describe Melody.
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: I would say stunning and beautiful.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: Mike drop.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: Lightning rounds over, we're going to get her out of time.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: You guys want to.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much for listening.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: Joanne, I'm so grateful that we have able to spend time.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited for girls of parents of 12 to 16 go sign up for this course.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: It's live February 8th.
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: It's live right now.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: Live right now, perfect you can go?
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can apply right now.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: Let's go support it.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: Let's go get trained by a world class, hall of Fame professional athlete that's impacting thousands and thousands and thousands of people around the world and you have a chance to have your child be impacted by her.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: It seems to kind of like a no brainer.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for our time You're doing what you're doing and I'm excited for us to connect hopefully soon, but I appreciate you.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: Thanks case Shout out to all the dads out there raising incredible kids Chest bumps.
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, Bye everybody.