Latest / The Sheridan Show / Are Men and Women Giving Up on Each Other? ft. Trill AC | S1E5
Transcript
- Sheridan: Hi, I'm Sheridan. Welcome to the Sheridan show, and I'm joined by Trill AC. Hey man, I appreciate you having it. Yeah, excited to have you. Krew season. Yeah. Tonight's conversations, Trill Academy, all the things. This is a very full circle moment. we've technically interviewed each other because I forgot about the untamed interview. but funny story: the first time that I ever heard of cruise season was was being on the podcast. Randomly, one of my good friends was like, I'm going to film we're going to watch one of my friends film a podcast. Do you want to come? I'm like, okay, like, let me just make sure I put on some cute clothes. It was on the episode. It was on the episode. I was thinking that we were just coming to support and we were in the episode. So full circle moment. one, I'm just super proud of you. Like just watching your evolution, how you've grown and like all the way to like True Academy tonight's conversations over like six years essentially or six seven years. Yeah, we are definitely gonna get into that for sure. So I want to talk about that and I want to talk about of course relationship things because that's you know you're the subject matter expert. so we're gonna we're gonna get into what's the tea first but one I also want to give a shout out to Ratimi. We are back at his barber shop again today. So filming. Thank you so much History Grooming Co. Rotimi I will tag in the description in the comments. Definitely grateful for the opportunity to be able to film here again. First things first, we will get into our what's the tea. So our first segment, what's the tea? Love to kind of talk about different things going on in the world. One thing that I would love your perspective on is okay, well, I'll give you some context. So, not sure how familiar you are with these different conferences that are happening. So, of course, you Afrotech, because we live in Houston, so you've heard of Afrotech. CultureCon happened last week in New York. And so I've been noticing, we were talking before the show. Of like how on threads threads is just like Twitter 2.0 when it comes to just like opinions. It's like an echo chamber. And I mean, I'm an opinionated person, so don't get me wrong. I love to come on and talk my shit and go away. But like I feel like we live in an era where people kind of like jump on the bandwagon of being very critical of things that people are building, especially our community. And so like last week, every day it was something about culture con complaining about lines, complaining about this, tagging Amani who's like one of the the founders of CultureCon, like just giving all this unsolicited opinions and feedback. Probably some of the people that gave feedback weren't even there as quiet as it's kept. Now fast forward to this week, you know, we're on the heels of the election. Afrotech happens to take place during election week. And so someone bubbled that up yesterday and Threads is having a field day with it today. There's a lot of feet a lot of feedback and criticism about, you know, why are you having a conference during the election day when early voting exists in my opinion? So if you want to vote, early voting exists. but one of my I guess to start off, one of my questions would be when you are building something, especially in our community, like, how have you been able to like navigate feedback and opinions? And do you feel like all feedback and opinions are warranted? Because everyone feels like they have something to say. I'd say first things first is understanding where it's coming from. I don't even well, I I can get into that later. But it's coming from a lot of times people who are afraid to take risks. Yeah. People who've never built nothing themselves. People who have anxiety when it comes to being judged. Somebody have a bad day on threads and they ready to crash out and drop out the building. You understand what I'm saying? So it's like you gotta understand that that's where it's coming from. So I can't take it too personal. Yeah. In comparison if it's coming from somebody that has built something or somebody that has some longevity in the game or that done took some kind of risk. Yeah. I kind of feel the same way. I have this thing where I don't take advice from people who I wouldn't trade lives with. There you go. I heard I feel like Malik said this on her podcast like many moves ago when Malik had her podcast and I feel like she said something like I wouldn't take advice from anybody I wouldn't trade places with. No, I'll take it or leave it 'cause obviously that can mean that can apply a lot of things, but I just feel like we're in an era where everybody has an opinion and it's like do y'all really think that that Afrotech is gonna change their date three weeks out for a date that was announced last year when this the conference ended, like they announced they usually announce their dates within like the first like week or so after the conference. You know what I'm saying? I just think it's interesting, like I especially as someone who me newly starting the show but I've had other businesses, it's a very interesting and slippery slop slippery slope of like wanting to take in feedback from people and wanting to respect their opinions and trying to figure out like what's beneficial and helpful and what's just like you just being a hater. But that's the thing, like you gotta take it with a grain of salt from from everybody. Yeah. For real. Even the good advice. Or the good feedback or whatever. Because if you take too much of that in without putting it in his proper through his proper A filter, and that can make you lazy, or that can make you complacent, or whatever the case may be. So it's like you gotta, you know, as they say, take the meat, leave the bones, type of thing. But it's gonna always be some kind of complaining at the end of the day. It just hit you know, I just did it in Best Fest, man. Shout out to Shark and Troy and all the Atlanta, right? Atlanta was the same thing. Yeah, they've been getting a lot of feedback too. Right, and it's like that's what comes with it. People want things and want people to set up things, and then all these festivals and all these things, but then complain. the whole time you could have stayed your ass home if it was that heavy on you could have stayed your ass at home. And then I feel like the people sometimes that complain aren't even going. Like I was on threads yesterday and somebody commented on my comment and I was like, you don't even work in tech. Right. You don't even work in tech. Like people are commenting on things and you're not even the target audience. Like A lot of people are complaining and it's like you don't even work in tech or you're not the target audience, so why like I'm not the target audience for InvestFest. So even if I had opinions, I I'm not the target audience. Like I I don't know. It's like nobody's forcing you to go to Afrotech or CultureCon or All these other things. I just feel like and I hate to be that person 'cause I don't always feel this way about our community, but I feel like sometimes crabbing a barrel mentality is like really real. And like I don't always want to like say it is, but then you see stuff where it's like, dang, anytime somebody in our community is doing something good or making any type of like positive movement, there's some type of critique behind it. And it's just you can look at the most positive of movements, look at the teeth leaf that they're trying to cancel. It's just like the man literally those people eat. It's crazy. I just feel like it makes me think I'm like a Batman fan. In one of the movies he was just like, you either, you know, die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself pick up a villain. Like This is not off topic but on topic, but like how do how do you navigate that? Because like do you feel like okay, the more you've progressed in your career, like how do you navigate knowing that like with success comes all this like extra attention, whether positive or negative, or people start digging into you know, it's just like it's it kind of exposes you to a certain extent. I mean, you know, again, that that's what you sign up for in the fine front one. But I think my mind is a bit warped for two. I get uncomfortable when I get too much praise. I'm used to negative backlash. Like that's where I'm comfortable at. Because then I don't have to Keep it up. Be like PC or like you know whatever. I'm I'm I'm not really a fan of people like that. That's why people understand. I'm I'm very much introverted. I'm a chill, laid back guy, Capricorn. So it's like so I just keep that in in mind. But at the end of the That's hilarious. Yeah, when you building something, it's gonna be there. But I just don't give a Yeah. You know what I mean? I need to adopt some of that. I mean there I already have a very strong level of like not really giving a flip, but always thought it could be better. Like it always could be more. And it's like 'Cause this happened to me as well. Sometimes you have some people hating or saying some negative shit. And then you'll get big enough, you'll get so big to where they can't hate no more. And then they'll try to be cool with you. So then that right there put it in perspective. It's like you never really hated me for real. You just want to be associated. And it's like, who you could have just said that from the door. I've seen it with my own eyes. That's how it goes. That is how that's that is nasty working. That is how it goes. That's a whole nother story. Because living in Houston is just like that is that's a whole nother episode. And I didn't really realize that 'til I left Houston. It came back and I was like, man, like it's very That's another conversation for me. I could talk about that all day because I just think that like you said, sometimes it's like, are you hating or you just really want to be my friend? Because you could just say that. I mean, we still may not be friends, but like at least be honest. We ain't gotta do all this. Let's just be honest, you know. Okay, well, I have other what's a tea topics, but I'm also like I also say side note. So what's a tea is supposed to be like we're talking about current events, but I I don't know if it's because the election is coming up, but I feel like current events lately has just been very heavy. Like all the things that I was looking into Usually I'm like, let's talk about like me and my intern were like going through topics and I was like, all this stuff is just like everything's very politically charged right now. Right. So with that being said, what's the G is gonna be very light this week 'cause y'all know I'm politically aware, but that's not what this the show is about, honestly. It's too much. And they're not about to shut my stuff down on YouTube. They will get me. They've been get so I will the only thing I will say is I've been noticing that like they are starting to get people for just saying stuff on threads. Like there was some students got got arrested Recently in the last week. Yeah, so now it's like and it's sad to say 'cause nobody wants to feel scared to like speak their truth online politically, but also like girls got bills to pay. So you know, use your judgment. Okay, we're gonna move on to side quests. So if you know me, y'all know I love a good side quest. Always am doing something. Always doing something out of the norm, out of my usual. so what's your what's your latest side? I'm not even ripping and running. I don't even know if you've had time to do a side quiz. I I I haven't. But I planned to and then it got thwarted because of the because of my schedule. But I was planning on going to fashion. That would have been really because a lot of people don't understand. Don't get me wrong, I love podcasts and I love talking about you know relationships and things of that nature. But my passion for real is like fashion. Your passion is fashion. I love it. I mean, you know, I can see the drawing. I like it. I like to, you know what I mean? I like to piece things together. I like the, you know. Certain concepts you may see like a monochrome or something. Like, damn, bro, put that together real well. Like, she put that together real well. And that's what I'm kind of fascinated with. So that's what I want to get into more of. Hopefully, get this little modeling sponsorship. Okay. Clothing brand sponsorship. I love that for you. For sure. That's a good side quest. My actual recent side quest is kind of related to that. Yeah. So today I actually was at the fabric store. yeah, I was actually at the fabric store. so I was a kid. I used to like, I still love. fashion but like I used to like in summertime even at your grandparents' house just getting into shit. And so my grandma used to have a typewriter and I used to draw clothing designs and like put the like prices and names on them. Like I had a whole little catalog. I had a whole little catalog and so recently in the last year I was like I think it would be cool to bring some of that stuff to life. Yeah. You gotta try. I mean you just never know what people gonna gravitate to. Because even when we had two season, I was we was making that merge from the ground. Like literally together and they'll people was loving it. It was going crazy, you know what I mean? But that's what kinda I think sparked that interest in me for real. It's like, damn, people really like this shit that I put together. Yeah. But I love that. I hope you explore that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited. I I met I actually will tag the designer, but they're the local designer. I'll see you in contact info too. He he does like local. sewing classes and so somebody connected me with it and I was like I just want to bring these to life so I'm slowly like piece by piece gonna like bring the design. I think you should go for it. Yeah I think you should too yeah I'm all for people just like exploring their creative endeavors. Even if it's not creating something to like sell. It's like okay this piece I'm creating may literally just be for me. Or somebody might see it and be like I want that now. Yeah I may have a whole clothing line y'all y'all just never know. It's so many of us in our culture for real. That just we get put into a box that we can't get out of in terms of like what our possibilities may be. Especially coming from where some of us come from. It's like, bro, you're gonna either play sports or you're gonna make it rapping or something like that. Dude may be a great batminton player. Yeah. But he never tried it. Or he may be a great swimmer, but he never had a swimming team that to join or whatever. But it's like that's why you gotta try as much stuff as you can because you never know what you just great at. That's your gift for real. You ain't never had the opportunity. Exposure is everything. One of my my best friends and I were talking today just about how like It's crazy that like you know that exposure is everything, but you don't really realize it until you like maybe have a conversation with somebody that didn't have exposure to the swim team and you're like, dang, okay, like it really is just what you are exposed to or not exposed to that kind of opens your horizon. So definitely encourage y'all to pursue your side quest. Let us know in the chats any side quests y'all been going on lately. Very curious. we're gonna move on to the guest interview. I'm so excited to interview it's gonna be so cool. Yeah. Gonna be great. So, one, which I don't think I've ever asked you before, you may have mentioned it, but what even like so if y'all don't know, Trill A C, founder of Krew Season, Trill Academy, and now member of tonight's conversations. And so most of your, I would say your genre of interviews and conversations, usually around relationships for the most part. Very thought provoking, very conversation, very conversation. We were just joking earlier. I was on an episode years ago and people were in the comments like, You really have to have thick skin, y'all. Yeah. It takes a lot to put your opinions out in the world and allow people to comment back. And you can't really entertain them back because it's all through a screen. I tell them all the time, don't respond to nothing. You don't what you don't respond to stuff at all? I guess that's true. I've never really noticed that. I feel like y'all responded to stuff sometimes through the cruise season page, but I've never seen That was never me. That was them. I used to tell them don't respond to nothing. Because it's pointless at the end of the day. Yeah. And then I know if I respond and somebody said a wrong thing, then I'm gonna wanna take it somewhere else. And that's not good for me or for the brand new rebuilding. So it's like just leave it alone. You've already taught me so much today because that was one of my like hesitations with starting the show. Mm-hmm. Because I do have a lot of hot takes about I haven't even got I haven't even grabbed Yeah. The things that I can say on the show. Right. And I had to make up my mind, like, you just have to be okay with it. Even with threads, threads is good exercise for me of like saying stuff. Like sometimes I will go back and forth from the comments because of poor stupid. If I have time, I will. Like if I'm just if I have time, I will go back and forth. But being on threads has been a nice exercise of like you cannot respond to everything. But it's like also too, you gotta put yourself in the shoes of like you you building a platform, you like you're gonna be an inner. you don't want to make yourself too available. That's gonna cheap that's gonna water down or dilute the admiration. You think about the old stars of and like the biggest stars of the day. Beyonce don't do interviews. Beyonce Y'all were talking about her. Y'all were talking about my girl. The old interviews they used to give her a hard time. Right. Because she was a little country girl in Texas. Work your way down. Great don't do interviews, Kendrick don't do like the biggest in the game like in terms of in every genre, whether it's actress, artist, whatever. And that's how they able to maintain their stature. Just like ho, if you recently just did one. That's interesting. But after but that that plays a role into it. But if they can talk to me on threads it whenever they want, or if I c they can c argue with me in the comments whenever they want, then the infatuation with me starts to die down because it's like you're too accessible. It's just like somebody in your neighborhood they get famous, somebody that you're around every day. Like, I don't feel like they're famous. I see every day. But to somebody who who never sees them on maybe one time a year, they gonna have a different reaction. So when you build your brand, like you gotta keep that in mind. You don't want to oversaturate your Masterclass. You dropped so many deals in the last two hours that we've been together. You really should though. You really should. What even made you get started or like what made you passionate about relationships? And to approach it the way you all did through cruise season? I think First off, Krew Season and and all of this wasn't my idea. I I gotta give my bro O's flowers. Yes, shout out to O. So I always been opinionated, but I never really cared about broadcasting my opinion or sparking discussion or even talking about relationships. When we first started getting into this stuff, I we was talking about everything music, sports, relationships, whatever, but it's like those relationship clips just people just dig into those deeper. So it's like, okay, you gotta listen to what your demo. Saying that they won't, you can't go against the grain, or you're gonna mess up your growth, or whatever. So it's like, okay, bet y'all want to hear this from me? Cool. I'm I'm in a relationship, so I can give it to you from a like raw and authentic perspective. And I think that as I got into it, I started developing more of like a responsibility as far as my message and all of these things because it's like I got to thinking, like when we was younger, we didn't really have nobody to tell us how to navigate a relationship, even now, most of the kind. Content around relationships is based around dating, how to get somebody, how to fool somebody, how to have sex with somebody. But it's nobody that really tells you, okay, once you find that person you're looking for, this how you navigate, this how you play with it, this what you listen to, this what you don't take personal, this how you So it's like that was delaying. Then because I was in it, it was real and raw and authentic to who I am, so it resonated differently. So it just kind of took on life's own. Like I I never plan to be a content creator. Relationship guru. And I was supposed to be a a a CFO at an oil and gas company. I was well on my way. Yeah, you were look, you were doing both for a while. Yeah, man. 'Cause I could I couldn't let that bag go. I was always making way too much money over. I don't blame you. That's yeah. You know. I love that. It's funny you say that 'cause I was looking back at like just previous content and like episodes and it is it's great and it's been like nice to see the evolution of the content 'cause the episode the first episode I did with you all was about day. It was like about first dates. Right. And I was watching clips and I was like, it's crazy to see even the evolution of like how the depth that you s you all started to take the content and like the questions that you started to ask and it's just been it's been really good to watch. Have you ever had someone come up To you, whether it's like at your shows or in your comments, and like give you your flowers of like, man, you really helped me like navigate this relationship or like deal with this man, or do you ever get like feedback like that? All the time, you know, it goes back to what I said about how I gotta take on that responsibility of my message because it's people that's listening and making real life decisions based off it. I think early on I used to talk a lot off the cuff. I used to talk a lot more recklessly and things of that nature. be honest. Honest kind of to provoke or to stir the pot, if I'm gonna be honest. Love the honesty. You know what mean? But at the end of the day, like what once you start having people walk up to you and give you those testimonies, so like bro, I was getting ready to walk out of my relationship, bro. I watched a video and it made me look at things differently. And I try to sit down and talk to her and we got past it, we good now. Or you got women who hey, I've been married twenty years and I'm just fresh in the dating game. I don't I don't even know what to look for. I don't know what to but I'm watching your your videos and it's helping me navigate, it's helping me. weed out who really fucked me and who not and so when you get to getting those testimonies like damn you know what? This is something that's that's way more important than I thought it was, way more influential than I thought it was. And it's like you gotta walk in that, you know, you gotta walk in that alignment. I love that you've been able to like recognize that and be grounded in that and get feedback. You know, I think it's it's when you're doing work like this for the last six, seven years. Right. I'm sure it feels good to just like hear in real time feedback. Even like when y'all came to Charlotte and I remember after the show I was like, okay, I'm gonna come say hi. And I was like, Y'all had a line of people ready to chat. I was like, It's it's crazy. Yeah, it's like I I gotta give you your flowers, like y'all, y'all. It's been it's been very great to watch. I definitely appreciate it, man. It's been a good journey. So I'm excited to dig in some questions with you. I'm excited to ask you some questions. You know, see how you see how you feel. So a lot has changed. You know, we went from going, like I said, to talk about dating and first dates to now. I feel like especially for me, like as a 30-something, dating is different. Like times have changed a lot. Like, I don't know if it's age, pandemic, the economy. Like, I feel like a lot of things are just at play to where dating at thirty three versus twenty three feels different, which obviously I mean it should. It should to some extent. but it definitely feels like times have changed in a lot of ways. And one of my first questions is like, do you feel like people have started to become a little jaded when it comes to dating, like on men for men and women. And I ask that because sometimes when you hear men, especially online, obviously online is an echo chamber echo chamber. But online you hear sometimes men are like, well, I don't want to spend money on a woman or invest time or do certain things unless I know she's really into me. And then on the flip side, women are like, okay, well I don't wanna do this or I don't want to get intimate or I don't want to cut my roster off until a man does this, that, and the third. And I think there's some validity on both sides where I can understand where where the root of that is coming from. And at the same time, some of it feels like it's coming from a very like jaded place. Yeah, I I I wouldn't necessarily say that they jade it. I just think that the older you get, the more firm you get in your boundaries and your restrictions and like what you know is necessary. Compared to when you young, you're way more willing to gamble on potential, take risks. Okay, this person don't got everything that I'm looking for, but I like so much, I'm gonna try to help them get there, I'll build it. Yeah. When you get to thirty-three, thirty-five, grown ass man, grown ass woman age, it's like I done already did that already. So it's like this is my Rubik rubric as far as date. Yeah. And it's just rough to find somebody that may fit into that rubric. So you may gotta compromise here, compromise there. I think that's where the like discontent comes from. But I don't think people are dated. I think that people just ain't ran into nobody that they like enough. Because it's funny, all of these requirements and what I'm not gonna do, and all these things go out the window when you run into that person that you really like. Talk about it. It just is what it is. Yeah. I don't think people you said two things. One, I don't think people like are honest about the fact of like yes. you have all these requirements until it's your dream person and then it's like you're doing stuff that you said you weren't gonna do or that you didn't want to do. Or you're not doing things that you said you wouldn't do. And then I also think you made a great point of like it's not jaded, it's just the boundaries. I think it's been an interesting like tight rope, I guess you could say, to walk because it seems like both sides have their own boundaries and there's not a lot of like woger room. It's like it just seems like, okay, men have these boundaries or they have these requirements, women have these boundaries and requirements, and it's like no one seems to be happy because no one's like budging on that. And it's just I'm I'm just disappointed that so many people don't fit Mmm. That's more so what it is, in my opinion, more so than Jesus. Like, damn. It's not a lot of people that have in what some people call bare minimum things, right? We thirty, thirty five years old, there's some people that don't have their own place to stay, some people who don't have their own car, some people don't have their own income. You know what I mean? So it's like, damn, how much do I have to bend on my rubric and how much do I have to bend on my boundaries just to find somebody solid? So there's a frustration there, there's a disappointment of like, damn, it's really hard to find somebody solid, which is true in this era. But I think Even even still with that disappointment and all those things, when you run into the right person, all that shit goes out the window. But it's just putting yourself in position to run into said person. Sometimes you gotta change your surroundings. We spoke about it earlier about traveling and shit like that. You go to the same clubs every week, you're gonna run into the same type of person. You know what I mean? That's not the same. Yeah, you're around the same type of person. Sometimes you gotta put yourself in different environments that are uncomfortable, you don't know, whatever. You may run into somebody like, damn, I you ain't even really my type, but we compatible with him like let's go here and rock out and that may be the person you marry for real but you gotta get out your own way it's crazy to think about that it's also what you said a friend and I were talking about that she just moved to New York and we were just talking about how you really have to put yourself in different places to even meet people if you're looking to like date. And I think about that a lot of times in Houston because we were talking 5015 earlier. It's like I'm guilty of it too. Granted, I'm not looking to like date right now, so I don't feel like I fall in this category. But like sometimes we'll go out and people are like, nobody's here. And it's like, well, we come to Fifty Fifteen every other week. Or we go to I'm not even I'm not even singling out Fifty Fifteen in particular, but like we go to X, Y, and Z Place every Sunday, every Thursday we're here. One, it's the same people because it's the regulars. And then you have out of towners, which that's a different story. But you have the out of towners, but like I think that sometimes people say they want to date or meet someone. somebody but then you're not going anywhere new. Or you're going to the club. And it's not say you can't meet anybody in the club. I mean I haven't seen anybody personally meet their spouse in the club. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, so I'm not gonna say don't go to the club but I think sometimes we're not I'm not saying don't go. I'm just saying 'cause it's like I you know you're meeting people, people are intoxicated. It's just I feel like the barriers are already there of like meeting somebody who's really there to like date. If they meet you there. And it's like if you don't know what you're looking for, how you gonna find what you need? that's why I I I hate 'cause I be asking people all the time, like, w what's your type? And they say, I don't have a type. I hate that type of And I say that's the problem. Yeah, that's a cop out when you say you either don't ha you do have a type and you just don't want to tell people what it is. Right. But it's like if you but but but some people really mean that. It's like, okay, I'm I don't have a specific type, but in my opinion I think that's the problem because it's like Like the the the type needs to be so specific. I'm talking about down to the to the wire. Like you should be able to list off everything that this person has. Why is that? Because when you buying your house, you have very specific requirements of what you want in that house. When you buying your car, you got very specific requirements of what you need in that car. So why don't you have that same strenuous requirement list when it comes to the person that you're gonna spend the next forty years with. You can't go into a willy nilly you know what, okay, whoever comes to me if I like them we're gonna rock out. No, no, no, no. I need to know the specific type of person, why I pick so I can put myself in environments to what that type of person is. That's interesting. I have a question for you. So do you feel like there's a middle ground of like how how specific should you be? So I'm asking that because sometimes I've met men who it seems like, you're checking it like they're like, you're checking off all these boxes, and I'm like, I'm that's great that I'm checking these boxes off for you, but like are we like compatible? You know? And I sometimes I think people either don't know what they want at all or it's like so specific and it's like where's the middle ground of Like, yes, I have requirements, but also just because this person like checks off all the things on a piece of paper doesn't necessarily mean they're like compatible. Problem is the boxes on that piece of paper, a lot of times, is not theirs. It's kind of perception boxes. okay, okay, okay. Meaning that this is what the world or the environment or my mama or my family or my friends think I need, and you check off all of that. But what I really need may be very different than what's on that paper, but it's like you don't want to admit that. 'Cause it may make you seem a little toxic or it may make you seem a little you know, whatever, whatever. But it's like I wanna make sure that they check the boxes to where when I walk around with in the world the world approves him. But that's the problem. The world ain't gotta spend the next forty years with him. You do. So it's like that's what I mean by like it it they need to be specific as to what what I want in a person. Like it if 'cause you got chicks out of time like, man, I want a dude who super successful. I I wanna do make such such amount of money. And then you get with that type of man and realize how much time they gotta be sacrificed with him to go make that money. Yeah. And now you feel insecure. Now you mad at him. You trying to you trying to get in the way of what it is that he building But that's not really your type. Your type for real is a nine to five dude who making a decent salary that can come home every day, spend holidays with you, weekends together and all that. But dudes who making real money, dudes who who who are in that different from the tax break. They are busy. They're busy. Speaking from his finger, but he's like, you know, I did just fly in a couple days. But that but that's real. But if she was honest with herself, she wouldn't say I want a millionaire. She would say I want a man that has time. For me and my family and what it is that we're trying to build. That's what I really want. But the paper says, and everybody around me, if I get this million. Social media so social media says that this is the type of man we should have. And that's the problem. I think that's interesting. And I think I wonder how people can just become more like real with themselves. Because to your point, again, I was talking to another friend about this. We were talking about a whole bunch of stuff. And so One of the things we were talking about is like how sometimes as women I can only speak as a woman. As sometimes as women, we think we want something because we think some we see somebody else have it. So it's like, I want I wanna use I'm trying to use a a vague example. But I want X, Y, and Z, and it's like you want it because you saw somebody else have it, but it doesn't necessarily mean you need to have it. But I think there's a pressure, at least as a woman, there there has become this pressure of like, to your point, going back to the millionaire, now it because you have social media, you see all these people getting these things and dating these type of men or whatever, you think okay, I also should want that. Even though you may not want that, you may want to date Joe Blow that has three jobs. but he's a great artist and he can cook and you know he may not make a million dollars but you think because whatever influencer is dating a lawyer or a millionaire you feel like you have to have that. I just don't know how we can help people like reset their expectations to like what it is they actually want. You know, versus social media. No, I I agree, but I don't think it's possible because I think the propaganda is so strong. You know, pi that's how that influences all our mindsets. Marketing influences ninety nine percent of our people. Just it just is what it is, like propaganda. But I think people gonna have to bump their head a few times until they finally get that person who they never thought that they would be with a chance and then they get married. I got a I I got a homegirl like that. Dating a certain type of guy, a hood guy. Yeah. Great guy, this, that, and third. And it just kept going nowhere. She gave a nerd a chance and they they recently got married. You know what I'm saying? So it's like at the end of the day, you got sometimes you gotta go outside that comfort zone. You never know. Cause you deep down, you a nerd for real too. Deep lucky, I didn't find out how much of a nerd I was, so I started dating a nerd. Right. And I was like, mmm Because now that made it okay for you to come out and be personal like y'all making Lego sense. I'm like you know, I'm not gonna lie to you. the Lego sets we're fun. I can admit. I think that's true though. I think sometimes you think it's the pressure from friends, it's the pressure from social media of like and it's a pressure I also think there's a pressure to go against the grain to and say, like to your point, okay I'm gonna date the nerd or for a man, like I don't know what the I don't know what the equivalent would be, but like the It would probably be more like the the like wild I mean not wild but like the women who outside or the woman who's you know. But sure. But it's like, you know, dudes is dragging plenty of good homebody women through the mud because they don't want to accept that reality. They won't they said they want the homebody because on paper that looks good, but in reality she's boring to them. Like she doesn't get his blood rushing. She don't but that but old girl that's running around that's at fifty fifteen every week or at this place every week. he he get excited when he with her. He you know I mean I believe it. I I definitely have seen that with my own eyes because I mean I am somebody that's outside ish, you know, compared to most people. And I do think in private a lot of men are like, my God, I love your life. I love what you're doing. And in public it's like, I live this very like homebody life. And it's like, but that's not really like you know you want to be outside. My thing is, if you I I guess that's just a whole nother conversation. I just don't know why people won't be honest with like even if you are currently partnered and you're partnered with someone who may be the opposite of what you really want, like why not be honest and try to like bring some of that into your relationship, you know, on either side. Like you wanna be outside a little bit, like, okay, you and your girlfriend or wife go outside. Or if you wanna explore some nerdy things, like get with your, you know, your boyfriend or your husband and like try some Legos out, whatever it is. Like I don't know why people aren't just aren't more honest about that. Well I think that's the that's part of the issue. I think people would rather expend more energy trying to turn somebody into who they want to be than just go find the person who is who they want to be. And that's the issue. Like you can try to turn a homebody into the outside or whatever, but that's not how she is. Or in a sense the same for me. Yeah. Some dudes is homebodies. I just wanna be at the crib. I wanna watch the game. I wanna cook. I wanna barbecue. I wanna fix stuff around the house. I don't wanna be on the stage at fifty fifteen. I don't wanna be on the stage at Nodo or this place and that place. You know what I mean? So it's like instead of you putting undue pressure on that person to try to make them into that. Just go find you a dude who outside or find you a girl who outside. really the moral of the story is dates your type. And be honest about it. We got some comments in the chat. Okay, someone said yes, social media will have everybody single. Date what you want and need. Yes, social media will definitely definitely it's just not even social media is just not real life in some c capacities. Cause it's like an echo chamber in your own seeing certain people's thoughts and then you go in real life and you're like okay all the married people I know are happy all the moms I know are happy but you get online and you only see doom and gloom they need to shut down social media just like a week. I call it the bad hotel review syndrome. You know what I mean? When people go to that hotel and they have a good time they're not gonna leave reviews in the comments. But the people who had a bad time they on the they on the plane ride back typing it was this it was that but it's the same with relationships. People who are in happy relationships typically are not talking You know what I mean? So, what that does is that creates a loud minority and like false sense of propaganda that shifts people's minds to have people thinking, damn, it's terrible out here. It's not that bad out here when you know what you want and when you're really willing to stand on your boundaries. But most people not, they don't know what they want. And the people who are happy, like you said, aren't online. It's funny you say that. I had to recognize that in myself, not about relationships, but just reviews in general. And so I've tried to go out of my way to start leaving people good reviews because we only Like you say, you only want to leave a review when it's bad. So I've been forcing myself more. That'd be y'all's homework. I'm skipping ahead, but homework for the week. Next, the over the next week when you go places, leave good reviews. If you had a good time, leave a good review. Don't only leave bad reviews. Like I feel like we could do better about that collectively. And someone else said, y'all remember and think like a man when Taraji thought she wanted Morris and ended up with Michael the Dreamer. There you go. Case in point. You really do have to do what makes you happy because and I tell I tell friends this and Vice versa, where it's like, I'm like, hey, you the only person that gotta lay down with that person every night. I don't have to lay down with your partner. So if you're happy, I'm good. You know, like you have to really like be okay with also just allowing people to live in their truth too. I mean, and it's like that's the dope part about a relationship is that it's a union. They're not gonna have every quality that you want. But you may be able to cover what they don't have. Let's say for instance, a man is dating a a good woman. Like she supports him, she there for him, she's a great mother, raise the kids, but she don't cook. But he likes to cook. Yeah. So you cook. Yeah, you cook. Like y'all are partners. Like it's a partnership. It's a team. So it's like you don't have to have somebody that brings everything that society says that they should bring to the relationship. Some dudes are better cooks than the women. You understand? Some women are better with finances and handling money than the men. So it's like you let that person do whatever their strength is, and you do what your strength is, and I'm gonna build something beautiful. But if you're trying to hold your relationship to societal standards, it's gonna crash and burn. You really do have to do works. For you. You really do. Okay, moving on. I have two more questions. One, the next question is so I've been going back to being online and threads. So I've been seeing this conversation or this discourse. I say discourse that way people don't think I'm like doom scrolling. So I'm like this discourse on threads. I've been seeing this discourse where I don't know who started, but basically they were saying men are actually more submissive than women. And so the theory or the proof points supposedly were that. When you look historically over time of like how men operate, men love to work in packs, men love to sign up for these different things, whether it's like being in the armed forces and you're submitting to another man. Like y'all like to take direction. Even when you think about in certain relationships where, and this is not everyone's a dynamic, but sometimes men will say, okay, I can help around the house, but like just let me know what I need to do. And so do you feel like maybe men actually are a little more naturally more submissive than we've been taught to believe? I think that men are just more finish line oriented than women are. I think women make a lot of decisions based on what they want or what their emotions dictate to whereas a man my goal is to get to the finish line. I I don't care how I gotta like if I got like for instance in basketball, right? If I gotta score thirty to get us to win, I score thirty. But if i you only need me to score ten points and play defense, I'm willing to do that too. As long as the end goal gets accomplished. So it's the same thing within relationships. If I love a woman enough I'm gonna do whatever's necessary to not make her happy because because I'm incapable of that but not get in the way of her happiness. And and vice versa in comparison to women are a lot more selfish in that way of like, okay This doesn't feel good to me. Mm-hmm. So bec and if it doesn't feel good, I'm gonna let you know it doesn't feel good. I'm not gonna be operating at the right efficiency. Things are next in comparison to where if it's a man, this may not feel good to me, but I know that this is necessary for us to get to that finish line. So I'll endure what I need to endure to get to the finish line. But I don't necessarily think that that's more so because we just wanna be more submissive. I think we just have different goals. I think women are hypersensitive to the moment and how they feel in comparison to men being more finish line oriented. Whatever it takes to get there. I need to get there. Just like a man leading a family, right? If he he have a high paying job or whatever, he lose that job. Yeah. Dude'll be washing cars or cutting brains or whatever it needs to be done to take care of my family, make sure that my family is good, you understand? Like because that's just the mindset that we have. But I don't think that that makes us more submissive than women. Okay. But yeah. You did say something that's interesting that I wanted to poke at a little bit. Mm-hmm. You said that so in your at least within the context of this conversation, women can be more selfish when it comes to like I guess you could like paraphrasing like because we're prioritizing our feelings in the moment. I think it's interesting because I've always felt like men are a little more selfish in the sense of I don't know, might be that might be news to you. see what people say in the chat. I feel like men can be more selfish because to me, okay, here's an example. Say, and obviously this is not I'm general. Everything's generalized. But say in a relationship or in a marriage, I feel like if a man were to get a job offer in another city, I feel like men, I'll say I'll say not marriage, maybe just dating. The man may be more inclined to think about like, okay, how's this like benefiting my career? This is something that I want to do, and they may make that decision based off of their soul like needs and what they want. Versus, I feel like women in that situation would say, well, like, what is my boyfriend gonna think? What's my family gonna think? Like, I feel We think about all these other people before we decide to like make a decision for ourselves, versus sometimes not all the time, but it's like sometimes men, you y'all will almost make a decision, you're like, Okay, I'll deal with the consequences later. Versus, I feel like women will think about all the consequences, everybody's feelings, who is gonna impact, etc., and then we make a decision. That's where I'm coming from with like not the inherently or maliciously selfish, but like I think that y'all do tend to think of like self-first, and it may go back. to like being solution oriented and maybe there's some kind of like overlap with that? Yeah, because like even even in the example that you used, as a man, the reason that I would prioritize my career per se is because both of our end goals from an ideal perspective is to retire you. Right. So I need to make sure that shit is solidified in in in a way that I can do that. Now you may be ambitious and all these things, but it may come a time and a lot of times it does come a time, especially when we get to talking about having kids and maternity leaves and all these things to where I gotta carry it. Like I like I don't have the option to not work or or be a house husband without facing ridicule and and things of that nature comparison to whereas women do. Like if she just wakes up tomorrow and decides, you know what, baby, I just I I just Can't do it at this job. Yeah. We're gonna be like, okay, cool. We'll figure something out. Go ahead and leave it and I I something out. You understand what I'm saying? So it's like that's more the mindset. Like we factor y'all into every decision that we make. I think if you even look at it from a money spent perspective, you got dudes who make a lot of money. Yeah. But if you look at his bank statement, I'm pretty sure that he spends the least on himself, especially if he has a family. I'm spending more so on my woman, on my kids. Well when we wanna when she wants to go on trips, I'll take care of them trips. She wants to go out to EFAN. So we go out to E fancy. If you leave it up to us, we'll be right at Chick-fil-A. We already know. We'll stop and call it a day. But it's like a lot of times we just to make her happy in that moment or to not not get in the way of her happiness, we'll sacrifice. I mean, you even look at the divorce rates. Women file divorces at an 80% clip. Yeah. In comparison to men. And what's the number one reason? Irreconcilable differences. What that means is I'm just not happy here anymore, or I want something more. To whereas a Man, he'll stay in that marriage and be miserable. But I signed up to do this. Okay. And I love you so much that even though you're not where I want you to be, I have hope that maybe you'll get there one day. So it's so illusional the mind to think that if I just step up my efforts and create an environment, it'll turn you into who I want you to be. In comparison to a woman, if she wakes up in that marriage and she really feels like, hey, I want more, she's more prone to leave. Yeah. For sure. So that's what I mean by the selfish. She's she's a bit more selfish in that way. a lot to think about. It's real rare. It's a big word for Elmo. It's crazy, you kinda set me up for this last qu well, I want to dig into the divorce one, but you kinda set me up for this last question which is about sacrifice. And actually someone made a comment in the thread that literally is tying all this. So one of the comments was the problem is the lack of communication in this. Men ha may have an end goal but they aren't communicating it. And to add to that, I have also noticed just in my own relationships, even friendships, we'll say relationships for the purpose of the conversation, that I've had instances with guys that I've dated where because you don't know the sacrifices that are being made, it's like it creates this like irreconcilable irreconcilable differences where it's like I could be making a sacrifice or you could be making a sacrifice or you could be thinking about something and you're like, in my mind I'm like, he doesn't care, this, that, and the third and you're like, Well, you don't know that I and plan in ten steps ahead because it's not being communicated. And so I just like that's a I don't I don't know how we solve that problem, but do you feel like there are do you feel like there are equal sacrifices between men and women being made in relationships and it's just not being communicated thoroughly? And if so, why? our men not communicating more like what's going on up there? Like what sacrifices are you making? 'Cause then we find out months later, you don't know that I took off work for you to do this or you don't know that I missed this thing and it's like it would have been nice to know that you like whatever it is, like I would have loved to know in the moment versus six months down the line when I'm Found divorce that you know, all this is on your mind. I mean, I think it's two things. I think one is men just don't care about the credit. It it it goes back to what I said about us being finished line oriented. A lot of the things that we do for y'all, y'all don't even see. For instance, when you out with your man on a date. You done dressed fly. You looking good. You in La La Land. You got music playing in your head when you walking on and hand in hand with your man. In comparison to us, when we out with you, we analyzing everything. That's why we need to sit in a certain place at the restaurant. That's why I need you inside the street. If we walking up on some shit that's potential that you know, baby, let's make this look. You may not know why. And I may not have time to explain it to you in the moment. But my mind is always on your well-being. I'll lay down my life for you. I'll jump in front of a bullet for you. Yeah. If I love you like that. You understand? And it's like that's the mindset that a man that loves you has. But because we don't necessarily care about receiving the credit for that or whatever the case, then it don't then it don't get. Two women are way more expressive than men. I think that's how women cope. Is expression in comparison to men, we cope by isolating and figuring things out in our head. So that causes a a disconnect right out the gate because that's why women in their community they way more willing to talk about their relationship or the issues that they have in their job or issues that they have with the family. Women will spend two, three, four hours on the phone every day. Just just every day. Just ex just express voice noting all day. All day. Just expressing, getting shit off. In comparison to men, the most we don't say about our relationship to our homeboys is man bro my old lady tripping bro Meanwhile, you fighting for your life. There you go. But it's like women are just naturally more more expressive, you understand? But it's not a a a situation of one side makes more sacrifices than the other because I don't believe that. I think we make sacrifices equally. I don't think so. Yeah, I I I agree too. What do you how do you feel like, okay, so like you said, men a lot of the times y'all are not telling us, right? You know, we don't know. Even you think about as a parent, I'm sure your parents have said before, you know, your parents are like, you have no idea all the things that we you know, shielded you from or done that you w had no idea, how do you like fill that gap? 'Cause as a woman it's like a lot of my fulfillment or my Fulfillment, I guess you can say, or feeling love may be like for me, for example, my love language is acts of service, right? So it's like if you're saying, I'm doing all these things behind the scenes, but I don't know, it's like how can I get my cup filled if I don't know that you're doing that, you know? Because y'all don't gloat, right? You're just like I did it, and you may bring it up in an argument later, like, well, you don't know. And it's like, well, why not just tell me, hey babe, I've I had to leave work early just so you can get to the airport on time. Or whatever it is, like why not just like say it, you know? I think that that we are capable of doing it, but I think as a woman, you gotta give us clear direction in terms of your expectation in that regard. We're not gonna just do it to do it. But if you sit me down and say, baby, it's very important for me to know like your line of thinking on how you did this and how you did that, next time something like that come up, can you sit me down and explain to me what you was thinking? But you explain. to me this other day. You give men simple directions and we'll run through a brick wall to accomplish them. But if you expect us to just think how y'all because women think in layers. Like they're constantly thinking. It's it's constant. It's complex. You give a woman too much idle time and she'll come up with a whole scenario. It's so many times y'all done came up. I had a I had a dream last night. And it's just you it was this going on and you mad for real about the dream you had. And looking at you like, bro, what is she talking about? They told me from the other side. You what I mean? So it's like women thinking layers, but it's like if you want your man on the same page, you need to really sit us down and give us simple, direct instructions. And if I love you enough, I run through a brick wall to give you that. Even if it's uncomfortable for me to do. Yeah. Because I want to sh I want to show you how much that I care. Because a lot of times that as men, like I feel it's gratitude. Yeah. So it's like I can I can understand it. Right. But it's just my natural way of moving is just to do it. You understand? Like if the cause your woman may be forgetful or something like that. So I'm gonna so I'm gonna put the car keys over here the way I know she's gonna be able to get I'm gonna put the car keys, the water, and everything in the same spot. So she ain't gotta think or you know what, she takes too long to get dressed. So I'm gonna tell her, hey baby, the reservations for for six when they really for seven thirty. Yeah. That's the type of shit that that we do. We don't tell y'all that, but it's like in order to make things run smoothly. sometime we just gotta make decisions to spark on but if you want real detailed explanation we'll be more than willing to give it to you but just tell us in which areas you need it in. This is a great perspective. I have a lot to think about. I like one thing I like that you said, I mean, I like everything that you said, but one thing I thought was interesting when you were like, Well, if with idle time, we'll just like make up scenarios. I was actually talking to my therapist about this the other day. Not in regards to like well was in regards to relationships, I'll honest. And, you know, one of the things that I'm working on unpacking is like the story we tell ourselves because I mean really everything literally is in our mind. And we are taking in information all the time and creating a story. I mean, it's just in our mind, unless you verbatim have told me Whatever, I'm just gonna go off of all these different things and create a story in our mind. Right. And I think that gets exasperated in relationships, especially on the woman's side, because like you said, we have out of time, we expressed ourselves, now we've created a whole narrative and in y'all's mind you're like, This is this, you know, like, I did A and we're taking it and running with it. So I think that's something adding to the homework for this week is really being mindful or like being aware of like the story that we tell ourselves in relationships and in general, just in life. Yep. And what you express and how you express it. 'Cause I think men are wired to problem solve. And sometimes y'all just venting. Y'all don't need the problem solved. But our first instinct, when we hear you complain or we hear you say something negative about our first instinct is okay, how can I fix that? Yeah. But sometimes you gotta let us know, hey baby, I don't really want no problem solved. I just I just need to talk to you. I just need to just get this off my chest. That's it. So that way we can okay, you know what, cool. I'll just sit back and listen. But if not, my mind is running a thousand miles per hour on on how to fix it. And if you and if you do that too much, then we go in the just you know our computer just malfunction because it's just too much yeah that that's what happens. So it's like that lot that level of communication gotta be there too. We gotta know when there's a sense of urgency that needs to be put behind it and when you just wanna bend. of gems being dropped today a lot of gems. Okay, we are coming up on time, but I do want to segue into our own untamed section. So usually it's some type of like untamed question. Really I had I was gonna make you pull a card but then I thought of a different question. So I would love to know I mean you've talked to so many people I'm sure you've gotten so much feedback all the things what do you feel like is the most unrealistic boundary or expectation that a man has and that a woman has like your top one that you've heard from discourse, people giving you feedback, conversations online. I think I think I think both sides have a bad habit of demanding things that they're not in a position to provide themselves when it comes to the relationship. You got people who say I want a man who makes this amount of money, but you make nowhere near that amount of money. You have, you know, men saying, you know, woman ain't, you know, I ain't spending this, I ain't spending that, but it's like you she's not in your bracket to even for that to even be a thought or a conversation. So it's like it you ain't worked yourself in a position enough to be a you know, so it's like I think both sides it's the answer is always in the mirror. It's never the other person, bro. Like that's how I feel. In intermittent situations to where even me coming up, not necessarily relationship wise or whatever, but just certain things that I may want or certain expectations that I may have and I look in that mirror and be like, bro, you're not in position to demand that right now. Like it would be nice to have it, it would be nice if it fell in your lap. But at the end of the day, I gotta look in that mirror and say, bro, you're not in the position. So I turn around from that mirror and figure out how to get in position. If I want somebody who makes this amount of money, or I want somebody who's this quality or this caliber of person, then I need to make sure that I'm a hell of a person. in terms of what I'm walking in and a lot of people showing up to that relationship with those demands and are insecure as hell and have trust issues and have unresolved childhood trauma and have you know there's a there's a guilty and to proven mindset when you walk into that relationship but you want this this extraordinary person. Why should you why do you deserve a whole person when you showing up as half of you? I think people are not self aware. It's real right. I think I think people are not as self aware as they would like to think that they are. And it leads to very unrealistic associations. That was like probably like back in OG Twitter days. That was one of my most viral tweets of like people need to start being like being realistic about what they say they want out of a partner. Because it's like you can't say you want the Instagram model and you're not in the gym. Make that make sense. I just don't understand it. You can't say that you wanna date Joe Blow millionaire and you working at Sephora. I mean, it happens. And I think this goes back to earlier conversation where people see these one off stories and they're like, well so and so got flued out or so and so's dating the Instagram baddie, and that's not that's not everyday life. Exception is not the rule. That ever. Exception ain't the rule. So if you predicate, you know, your your livelihood on the exception, good luck. Yeah. Buckle your seatbelt. And everybody wants to be the exception to the rule. And you're not Yeah, I just I just want people to be more honest. And that's not to down people. Yeah. And that's not saying that you can't get to that level for two. Yeah. But if you're looking at mirror and you're honest with yourself, most of us are not the person that we need to be too in order to attract that type of person to us. And that's just real. And I'm a really big believer in if it was meant for you to have it, you would have had it. So if you're not you don't have it, then you're obviously not aligned with it or ready for it. Yeah, because especially in regard to money, because there's a lot of us get the money too. Quick before we know and now you worse off than you was when you was broke. Yeah. You know what I A million dollars won't change your money habits. I I read that somewhere. The same habits you got with a hundred dollars is the same habits you're gonna have with million, and that's real. People start making more money and start getting more expensive. Yeah. I got a pay rate, so gonna buy a new car. Well, I got I got this bonus coming in, so I'm gonna buy a new house. Instead of just chilling and checking their bonus. Just relax. Habits. That's what's gonna kill you every time. So many gems dropped today. It was so great to have you on here. Appreciate you having me, man. Very full circle. I appreciate you squeezing me into your schedule. You know, I know you're a busy man. what what shows do you have coming up so people can check you out? Whoo, man. We on tour, man. shout out to some nice conversation, man. Shout out to all my cast mates, man. We we run around, we got about 20 cities left or something like that. For the rest of the year. Rest of the year and end of February. So what we're going to next is gonna be we got a Baltimore Philly run north. four and we're gonna do a Columbus run and then we're gonna take off to the West Coast man open Sacramento LA Vegas, Phoenix. We're gonna be there. Very proud of you have actually got a chance to go see tonight's conversations when I was in Charlotte. Great show. Great time. I think it's a great show to like be in person. It's the in the energy. It's the energy, the questions people go up and you're like It's different. It's different. Yeah. So if you have not checked out tonight's conversations, I think it's a great it's just a nice thing to do. It's just a good it's just a good time. Good conversation, good energy, all the things. We are really thankful to have you on the show. Any last like maybe homework that you want to leave people with something to take away, think about? Man, I just going back to what I said earlier, the answer is always in the mirror. I d I don't care what the problem is, the solution is in the mirror. That's how I feel. And you move through life like that, then you're gonna win. But if you're constantly pointing fingers and constantly blaming people, regardless of how much blame that they deserve, because I'm not saying people don't deserve blame. But the answer, the solution, the change of scenario, it's in the mirror, bro. And once you grasp that, you're gonna notice an uptake in your level of success. Which is real. That was great. I felt like there were so many gems, draw like I will be thinking about this on the way home. What a what a evolution from our initial conversations of what's your ideal first date? Right. Now we're talking about sacrifice, communication, like wow, that's right. Real life, real life. Well, thank you so much. Thank y'all for tuning in to the Sheridan show, filmed a lot. every Monday, eight PM central, nine PM Eastern. If you didn't get to catch everything, the replay will be live on Thursdays. And until next time, stay curious.