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Find My Boyfriend · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: waters this podcast is recorded on. There's no better feeling
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: than when life seems to be falling perfectly into place.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: The big decisions have been made, the future looks bright,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: and you can finally sit back and enjoy everything you've
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: worked so hard to build. And for Mila and James,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: that was exactly where they were. Life was good, everything
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: was moving in the right direction and at the heart
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: of their relationship was security, stability and a strong sense
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: of calm.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Seven years to me is such a long time and
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: we did a lot of growing together. You know, we
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: started off in this relationship so young and we're now
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: in our 30s in this new place together, big enough
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: for a family, you know, and I knew about the
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: ring and we'd just made this big financial commitment to
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: upgrade our our home together and yeah it just seemed
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: like everything was falling into place.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing about calm sometimes it's simply the
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: quiet before the storm and when that storm hits it
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: can come out of nowhere fast furious and without the
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: slightest warning turning everything you thought was certain completely upside down.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: He said he hadn't been happy for a long time
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: and I guess I anytime that that came up I
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: just got my back up It was such a mindfuck
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: because he would tell me one thing and then he
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: would tell me something else and then he would get
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: my hopes up and then he would just fully dash them.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: And I was already going through an emotional rollercoaster and
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: he just made it 10 times worse.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is Everyone Has an Ex.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past, through the eyes and the
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: hearts of the very people who lived them. We begin
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: the story like so many great love stories, with Cupid
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: showing up at the most inconvenient time. At 23, Miller
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: had her next few years all mapped out. first leaving
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: home in New Zealand for a stint working at a
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: summer camp in the US, followed by a couple of
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: years in the UK working as a nanny. The bags
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: were practically packed, the adventure was calling, and romance was
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: most certainly not on the itinerary. But Cupid clearly hadn't
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: received the memo, because just as Miller was preparing to
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: take off, along swiped James.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I met James in April 2015. I was single at
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: the time, just... on Tinder for a bit of fun.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I just wasn't really looking for anything serious, I didn't
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: think at the time. And I was fully expecting to
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: move overseas for a couple of years. I'm one of
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: those people that I never like to message first. So
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: he messaged me and it moved pretty quickly from then.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it was the day after or maybe
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: two days after we started talking, we actually met. So
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: he was new to the country. He's from the UK
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and he was here for his sister's wedding. So he
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: wasn't planning on staying. And I was very much aware
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: of that. And so we went on a date. We
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: went out for dinner. Our first date, I picked him up.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: He didn't have a car yet because he had come
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: over for a wedding. And he was planning on just
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: staying and working in his brother-in-law's business for a bit
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: of money before moving on elsewhere and traveling. He wanted
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: to go to Australia and Asia. I guess what I
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: really liked about him was... He was very talkative and
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm quite a reserved person. And especially meeting new people,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I'm not always the most confident. So I found that
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: really amazing because there were no awkward silences or anything.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And he'd been traveling New Zealand before we met. So
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: just hearing all of his travel stories and everything just
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: kind of flowed, just felt really natural. And I hadn't
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: really experienced that with anyone before. The first date went
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: really well and we were seeing each other regularly. After that,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I met his sister who was over here, stayed at
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: each other's places and yeah, just got to know each
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: other more. And I'm quite short and he's really tall
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: and I really liked that about him. So just going off,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: you know, you can't tell too much about a person
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: from Tinder except for what they show, right? So yeah,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: he was handsome. tall and good looking and all of
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: the little prompts that you can kind of choose, you know,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: like loves traveling, cooking, whatever. They all kind of aligned
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: with both of us. He had really good style. I
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: really liked that about him because I do tend to
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: like the finer things in life sometimes, much to my
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: own detriment. So I really liked that about him and
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I just loved his personality. And then, yeah, things just
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: went on from there and I decided to stay and
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: not go back to my summer camp and we were
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: kind of on again, off again for a while, just
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: kept it really casual.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Now, despite keeping things casual, there was something about this
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: relationship that felt different for Mila. You see, she'd never
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: actually had a proper boyfriend before, so this was all
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: pretty new territory. And when Mila decided to put her
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: overseas adventures on hold and stay in New Zealand... With
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: James deciding to stick around too, what had started as
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: a casual fling began to turn into something a little
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: more serious.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I hadn't had a relationship before, so I guess I
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: was caught up in it, I guess, and just going
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: with what felt right at the time. He was two
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: years younger than me, so he was 21 when we met.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: No girlfriends before either, just kind of casual situationships again,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: so For both of us, it was quite new and
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: maybe that's why we did move so quickly because neither
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: of us really knew what to expect. But yeah, it
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: just flowed and we just went with it. I think
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: we both realized after we kind of made it official
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: that we were both headed in the same direction. I
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: had made the decision not to go overseas. He'd got
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: a more permanent job. So he was kind of locked
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: in here and started the process of the residency and
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: staying here. Very soon after we kind of made it official,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: we went through the process together of doing a relationship visa.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: So he ended up staying in the country on a
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: partnership visa. I met his sister quite early on and
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I got on with her really well and I really
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: liked seeing that side of him too. And learning, I
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: guess just learning more about him just made me like
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: him even more and discovering all of the things that
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: we had in common. We both love to travel, so
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I could see, you know, in future us planning lots
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: of trips and things together. And yeah, he was a
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: good looking man and I was just happy and proud
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: to be with him. I loved that he was so
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: outgoing and when I introduced him to my friends and
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: my family, it was effortless and I didn't feel like
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I had to babysit him. He was, you know, more
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: than capable of having a conversation with anyone and everyone
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: and I really liked that because it's quite opposite to
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: the way that I am. So we had all of
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: these similarities, but then that one big kind of personality difference,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: which I think mostly attracted me to him because it's, yeah,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: not something that I dealt with in my day to
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: day being that outgoing. We did lots of trips together.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: So we went to Fiji within the first year together.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: We also went to the States. We did a trip
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: with my mum and her partner to Hawaii. for a
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks and then we decided to stay on
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: and do some different states. So we went to New
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: York and LA and had some really amazing experiences there.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Did lots of hiking and day trips and shopping. And
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: then we also went to England and we did lots
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: of little weekends away and things like that. So traveling
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: was a big part of the relationship. We didn't have
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: a whole lot of mutual friends, to be honest. I,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: at the time, had quite a few girlfriends that were single.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: So it was quite hard to kind of integrate them
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: into my circle. And he, obviously being from another country,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: came over here not really knowing anyone. So it was
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: mostly like work friends and things like that. So our
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: friendships were quite separate, but we always did a lot
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: together with our families. So we definitely kept busy and
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: we were saving for a house. So he worked a
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: lot of weekends as well. which kind of only made
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: it kind of a one day a week thing that
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: we had together. So a lot of the time we
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: just wanted to chill and not do a lot and
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: just have a cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: That was kind of my happy place. I think probably
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: after the first year, like once you're living together, we'd
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: been on a holiday together. Those were kind of two
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: of the big milestones, you know, and then we'd been
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: together for a year and I just thought, oh yeah,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: this is it. Like I 100% am so happy that
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I decided to stay and that we, you know, made
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: the effort to try and make this work. I was
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: head over heels and I was just so, so in
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: love so early on. We actually moved into this massive
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: three-story house, but we were living with 12 other people.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I think there was like a couple of bedrooms on
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: the middle level and then like a bigger room and
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: en suite and stuff on the top level. But It's funny,
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: you would think living with that many people, you'd be
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: kind of on top of each other, but we all
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: had such different lives. we hardly saw each other so
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: it worked out quite well there was a spa there
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: we had like a kitchenette and in terms of like
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: a stepping stone of you know moving in together for
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: the first time and kind of pulling our stuff together
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: it worked out really really well and was really cheap
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: so we could we could save which was amazing But
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I think only probably about eight months into that, I
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: was like, this is too much. People are eating my
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: food from the fridge. I have to share a bathroom
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: with three boys. I'm not really into this. So that's
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: when we made the decision to move out on our own.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: And we found a little tiny two bedroom unit together
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and we stayed there, I think about five years. We
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: ended up renting it and then the owner's wanted to
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: put it on the market, so we bought it off them.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So that was our first home together. It must have
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: been three, four, maybe about four years into the relationship
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: we bought that place together. We loved living together and
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: we loved the area that we were in. It was
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: a quick walk to the beach. It was close to
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: work for both of us. By then it had gotten
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: a lot more serious, I think. When you put pen
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: to paper and buy a property together, I think you're
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: merging things. your assets and everything as well. So that
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: kind of brings a new dynamic to the relationship. And
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: at this time, he would have had permanent residency by then.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it was pretty much set in stone that
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: he was staying. There was another step after that to
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: become like a citizen. So I think overall, the whole
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: process took about five years to get to that. So
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: it was definitely the plan that he was going to
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: stay and we were going to make a life here together.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: Five years in and Miller and James were steadily ticking
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: off the boxes on that classic relationship checklist. They were
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: still young, life was full and they had so much
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: to look forward to. But with some pretty big milestones
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: on the horizon, it was time to start having those
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: all-important conversations about the future. Because while ticking the boxes
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: is one thing, making sure you both want the same
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: thing is another.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: He always was a little bit unsure about marriage and kids.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I think also just being so young and I think, maturity-wise,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: men mature a lot later than women. So I think
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I was probably a lot more into the idea than him,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: but I definitely wasn't pushy. Some of my family definitely were.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Every time we'd go to a family thing, oh, when
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: are you going to get engaged? When are you going
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: to have a baby? As they do. I think he
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: always just thought as he got older, those things would
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: naturally become a want. And I think early on, he
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: wasn't really even considering those sorts of things, whereas I
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: had always wanted to be a mom. And so that
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: was always kind of on my mind. And I wanted
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that commitment to, you know, I think a lot of
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: people think that marriage is, you know, not overly important
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: if you've got a committed relationship. But I grew up
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: in a broken home, so I really wanted to have
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: that family unit and everything done the right way and
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: the marriage to show that commitment to each other. So
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: he was always aware that that was something that I wanted.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: And We'd bring it up every now and then to
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: kind of discuss it again. But I really wanted him
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: to come to the conclusion in his own time. And then, yeah,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: eventually he did buy a ring. This was just post-COVID.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So we were planning the trip to go over and
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: see his family. We actually didn't tell them we were coming.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: We wanted it to be a surprise. So that was
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: really cool. But I noticed when we were packing, it
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: was literally, I was like, come on, hurry up. The
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Uber's outside. We need to go. And I think I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: caught him putting a ring in the suitcase.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Spoiler alert, James did not propose on the holiday, but
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: it didn't take long for her suspicions to be confirmed.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: After we came back from the trip, I found a
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: certificate of authenticity for the ring that we had both
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: chosen together and he had ordered in a ring sizer.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: So I kind of knew it was coming in a way,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: but I didn't know he had purchased the ring. So
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: obviously to me, that was a great sign. It was
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: this beautiful kind of dahlia shaped ring and it had
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: not a traditional diamond in the center and then just, yeah, beautiful,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: your usual diamonds around the outside. And it was gorgeous.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: And we both thought so. And that was the most
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: important thing to me is that it was something that
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I would be proud to wear every day and something
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: that he had, I guess, a say in choosing as well.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, okay, he's at that place now.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And that got me really excited for the future. Obviously,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: that was the first step for me, like the engagement
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: and the marriage. And then the next thing would be
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: hopefully he'd be coming around to kids. You know, I
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: always wanted a big family. I was just, yeah, really
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: excited for the future.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And so the waiting game began. But in the meantime,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: life carried on. And rather than standing still, the relationship
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: continued to flourish. In fact, the bond between the pair
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: was growing stronger than ever.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: We were always really playful and fun together and like
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I remember we used to often drag our mattress off
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: our bed and we'd have sleepovers in the lounge and
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: like really cute things like that and dinner dates and
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: weekends away. And yeah, it was a great relationship. And
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: the only thing that we ever really argued about, we
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: not once had a fight the whole relationship, but was
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: just the amount of hours he was working. But I
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: knew that was for the benefit of both of us.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I appreciated that he was doing that because
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: it wasn't an option for me in my job. But yeah,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to spend more time with him. And
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: that's the only thing that we ever, ever argued about.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: We were so similar, but so opposite in so many ways.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Like I was, I was the one crying in stupid movies,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: you know, when the dog dies or whatever. And I
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: only saw him cry twice in our whole relationship. So,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: you know, I, I was the emotional side. He was
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: the more, I guess, stoic and yeah and the more
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: outgoing and otherwise and I was the more reserved so
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I think we we fit together really well because we
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: complemented the aspects of each other that we didn't have
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: ourselves and I think he he liked being part of
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: a family too because he didn't have his whole family
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: there and how close we all were as well the
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: unit that we bought together we renovated and then we
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: decided to sell so we started looking at bigger and
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: better places. So again, thinking things are really on track
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: because I know that he's got the ring now. We're
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: looking at a bigger house, extra bedrooms. We can put
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: plenty of babies and stuff in here. So the market
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: was a little bit strange at the time. It was post-COVID.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Then we ended up looking at this house that was
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: outside of our price range. And we were talking to
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: the agent and they just expressed that the owners were
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: moving overseas. And they're also really... receptive and understanding about
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: the market at the moment and to kind of disregard
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the CV value and yeah, just put in an offer.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And it turns out it ended up being within our
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: budget and we got the house. So it was a
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: lot bigger, I think, than we originally planned and a
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: lot better than we thought that we could afford. It
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: had a beautiful view and it was four bedrooms. So
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: we went from a I guess it was kind of
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: a one bedroom and an office really. It wasn't really
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: a two bedroom unit to this massive house with two lounges,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: beautiful kitchen, beautiful views and it kind of became more
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: like our forever home.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: But now seven years in, there was still no proposal.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: We had a beautiful view over the water from our
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: house and so we got up and watched the sunrise
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: after our first night there and I kind of thought
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: that was going to be it. So yeah, but when
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: it didn't happen then I was like, oh, I'm sure,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: you know, we've got an anniversary coming up. It could
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: be then. And you just kind of think about when
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: another opportunity might come up where it could happen. Seven
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: years to me is such a long time. And we
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: did a lot of growing together. You know, we started
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: off in this relationship so young and, you know, we're
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: now in our 30s in this new place together, big
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: enough for a family, you know, and I knew about
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: the ring and we'd just made this big financial commitment
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: to upgrade our our home together. And yeah, it just
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: seemed like everything was falling into place. And from then,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: he actually gave me a date where we could start
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: trying for a baby. So again, that was another stepping
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: stone where I was just thinking, oh, it's all falling
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: into place. It's all happening how I thought it would.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: We knew his family was coming over for Christmas. and
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: that they'd be staying with us. So I wanted, you know,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: to be the perfect housewife hosting my first Christmas and
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: have everything looking gorgeous in the way that I wanted
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: it before everyone was going to come on Christmas day.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I was feeling so good about the whole situation and
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: the relationship in general, all of the kind of milestones
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: that we'd ticked off. And yeah, it was so fun
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: to just go shopping for things together and filling our house.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: And on top of all that, they'd even welcomed the
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: pitter-patter of little feet into their home. Eight little feet
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: to be exact. But before you get too excited, dear listeners, no,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: they weren't the human variety. Miller and James were now
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: the very proud parents of two kittens.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I loved watching him with the cats. It was so adorable,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: kind of like, you know, seeing your partner with a
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: kid and they're interacting with them. It was kind of
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: the same with pets and I think pets are very
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: intuitive and, they seem to love him. And it's funny
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: because the boy seemed to have more of a bond
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: with me and the girl had more of a bond
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: with him. So that was really sweet as well. So yeah,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: everything was perfect. I had absolutely no doubt in my
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: mind that he was my forever.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: With the festive season fast approaching, things were getting pretty
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: hectic in Miller and James' household. James' family was flying
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: over from the UK. Miller's family was joining them, and
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: for the first time they'd be hosting everyone together in
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: their beautiful new home. There was plenty to organise, lots
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: to look forward to, and that wonderful kind of Christmas
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: chaos that comes with having a house full of family. And,
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: of course, it wouldn't be the festive season without a
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: few Christmas parties thrown into the mix.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So... He had his work Christmas party and he was like, oh,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: you know, I won't be home too late. He just didn't,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I suppose in the industry he worked in, there was
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: a lot of drugs and alcohol. And I guess he
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: didn't really see a lot of them as long-term friendships.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: There are a few of them he was close with,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: but the rest of them were kind of, I don't know,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: not the kind of people that he wanted to be
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: friends with and have relationships with outside of work. It
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: was kind of getting later in the day. because I
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: think it started earlier in the day from memory. And
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: it was, yeah, kind of getting to mid evening. And
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, okay, he's not home yet. I'm
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: just going to check his location. So I checked his
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: location and he was at another pub, like near our house.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, okay, that's really great. You know,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: like he didn't have many friends and he was doing
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: something a little bit more sociable with his workmates and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: obviously having a good enough time that he wanted to stay.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: So I thought that that was all good things. And so, yeah,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: it got later in the evening and it got quite late.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, this is getting a bit
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: weird now. And he was at an address down the
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: road from our house. And I knew that some of
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: his workmates lived in the area, but I hadn't heard
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: him mention anyone on that street before. So that night
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't think anything of it. It was just, he
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: was having a good time at his Christmas party. They
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: went on to another pub and then onto someone's house
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and That was, you know, a normal trail of events
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: for a night out for a lot of people, you know. So, yeah,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I was just happy more than anything that he was
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: having a good time. I'm pretty sure I woke up
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: when he came home, but it was just a kind of,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: you know, did you have a good time? How was
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: your night? That kind of a conversation. And he was just, yeah,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: filling me in on everything that happened. And then we, yeah,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: just the next few days went as normal, went to work,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: then clocked off for Christmas and had a little bit
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: of time before his parents were coming to stay. So
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: his family had come over a little bit prior and
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: they were staying with his sister for a while. And
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: we met up on Christmas Eve and went down this
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: famous road in Auckland to look at the Christmas lights
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: and all had dinner together. And then they stayed the
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: night and we woke up and had a full Christmas day.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So I had a full menu for Christmas day. We
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: had breakfast, lunch and dinner plans. I had the menu
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: printed all pretty on the fridge and I was just
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: trying to be the hostess with the mostest, you know,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: and make everything perfect. And yeah, it was really nice
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: to wake up on Christmas Day in my own environment,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: me not having to go anywhere because Christmas has always
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: been a bit of a chore for me because I've
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: had to split myself and go so many different places
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: that that was a moment for me that was really
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: special as well in the relationship because it was kind
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: of the start of our own family Christmas.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Amidst all the chaos that Christmas brings, there was still
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: one thing very much front and centre of Miller's mind,
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: starting their own family. Now, remember, James had told Miller
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: he was ready to have children. He'd even committed to
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: a date they'd start trying. But there was one little
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: red flag Miller couldn't quite ignore. Despite that date having
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: come and gone, there hadn't exactly been much activity in
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: the baby-making department.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: We hadn't slept together since that date, but We had
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: been through periods like that before where we had gone,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: you know, a while without having sex. So it didn't
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: really seem out of the ordinary to me, to be honest.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I guess I didn't want to be pushy. I knew
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: it was a big thing for him to actually give
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: me a date. And we'd hit so many milestones that
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: year that I just didn't want to push it. And
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I thought, you know, maybe once his family goes and
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: it's just us again and we're a little bit more
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: settled in our new home. then it would just happen.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: So for now, it was back to being the hostess
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: with the mostess.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I wanted to kind of play tourist with his parents
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: and stuff and take them to some new places they
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: hadn't been before. So yeah, we just spent some fun
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: holiday days just doing touristy stuff together. So he took
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: them to a beach that they hadn't been to before
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: and there was like a cute little township there so
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: they could have a little walk around, get some lunch
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and everything. I decided to stay home to clean and
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: stuff so I didn't have to do it while they
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: were there and could give them my full attention when
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I was at home with them. So James went to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: drop them off and he was just saying he was
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: going to stop and get a haircut on the way home,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: which I was like, yeah, great, fine. But it was
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: taking him ages to come home and I was like,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: this is weird. It doesn't take that long to get
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: a haircut. I called him and he was like, oh yeah,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I'm on my way home soon. There's a really long
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: line to get a haircut. I was like, okay, whatever.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it just still seemed odd to me. So
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I checked his location again and he was at the
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: same address that he was at after his Christmas party.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: So that's when I really started to think there's something
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: going on. The first thought was, it's just a friend.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: He's dropping in there. He didn't want to tell me
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: because he thought I would get annoyed because I was
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: at home cleaning and I would have expected him to
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: come back to, you know, play his part and help
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: with that. But yeah, and I Again, that's just what
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I thought. I was just a little bit grumpy. Like
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: if it was really that long of a line, get
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: a haircut another day, come home and help me clean.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I think I was probably a little bit frosty. It's
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: quite easy to tell when I'm annoyed. So he probably
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: got the memo that I was, but yeah, everything was
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: just normal. He went and picked up his parents a
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: little while after that. And yeah, we were back to
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: doing the touristy thing with his family.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: But Miller never mentioned she'd checked his location. Not that night,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: not in the days that followed the Christmas party. She
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: wanted to trust James, to give him the benefit of
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: the doubt and believe there was a perfectly innocent explanation
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: for what she'd seen. And all the while, James was
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: none the wiser. He had completely forgotten that Miller could
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: see his location in the first place.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: The reason we had our locations shared with each other
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: was from when we went travelling. I felt especially going
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: to Like the Middle East is a female and everything.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I wanted to do that from a safety point of view.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, we had done that and kind of
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: never changed it back when we came home.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: With the family gone, the Christmas chaos behind them and
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: life returning to its regular scheduled programming, things were finally
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: settling back into a routine. But one night, not long after,
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: that handy little iPhone feature was about to reveal something
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: that would turn Miller's entire world upside down.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: He told me he was going to go and play
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: pool with a friend. And I was like, oh, that's nice.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Like a guy that he met at work that no
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: longer worked there. So it was cool. He was catching
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: up with him and again, happy that he was doing
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: some sociable things outside of our lives together. So yeah,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: and I trusted that he was playing pool with this friend.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: It got later and later though. And I was like, oh,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: that's kind of weird. Still, I guess off the back
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: of seeing him at this address a couple of times now,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: still curious when he's not with me what he's up to.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: So I checked his location and he was in the
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: city at the one restaurant he had ever arranged a
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: date with me and that's when I knew that he
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: was cheating. It became very obvious because I was always
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: the one arranging the dates and things and I knew
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: he was wouldn't be there with his friend. There's no
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: pool table there. They were supposed to go to the
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: RSA to play pool. That's, yeah, not where he was.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: And I checked again a little bit later and he
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: was at the rooftop bar I had taken him to
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: on his 30th birthday. So those were really big alarm
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: bells by then. And I started to get really anxious
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: about having to have that conversation. I have always been
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: a really trusting person. And, you know, if somebody doesn't
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: give you a reason to distrust them, why would you?
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: And that's kind of just how I felt. But as
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: the night went on, it wasn't just the restaurant, then
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: it was the bar. And then I checked his location
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: again and he was at the same house. And that's
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: when I knew it was, yeah, there was a big problem.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I'm very much an overthinker anyway. So I think there
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: was a lot going through my head and I think
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to admit to myself the worst, which
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: I think ultimately I knew that he was there with
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: another woman and I mean, at this point, it was
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: very late at night. I think he ended up coming
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: home at about, I want to say 1am, like it
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: was late. And yeah, I was in bed and I
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: was trying to sleep when he came home and I
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: didn't say anything. I just asked him if he had
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: a good night. I guess I kind of wanted him
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: to take ownership of that if it is what I
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: thought it was and to tell me. But by the
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: end of the next day, he still hadn't said anything.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: so I finally decided to bring it up and I
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: was so nervous because I was like oh I feel
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: like a crazy person like I've never done this before
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: you know checked somebody's location like this and I just
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: didn't really know how to broach the subject and I
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: just said to him who lives on Blah Blah Blah Street,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: and he said, oh, a girl from the cafe next
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: to work. I just bawled my eyes out and I
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: don't think I was ready to hear anymore at that stage.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I just went off downstairs and he was just kind
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: of like saying sorry, but it was more that kind
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: of like shocked apology. It wasn't meaningful. It was just like, sorry, like, sorry,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I got found out really. And I went off downstairs
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: and we spent the rest of that night apart. And
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I expected him to come downstairs because I spent the
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: night in our other lounge, like away from him to
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: give him some space and I guess to think about
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: the gravity of the situation. And he never came down
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: to comfort me or talk more to me about it.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: And I think it was the next day I started
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: to ask some questions. And he first off told me
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: that They had just kissed and that was it on
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: this date and told me her name. And I finally told,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: he actually asked me, he said, how did you know?
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Did you like look for me on Snapchat? And I said, no,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: we shared our locations with each other when we're traveling.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: And then he kind of made a joke about it.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, that's such a James thing to do,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: isn't it? Like, so something that I would do. And
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, mate, not the time. So that was
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: really frustrating. And I think that probably gave me that
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: extra anger and that boost to want to go and
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: confront her. There was no real apology at all. And
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: so I think I was just acting off just the
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: heat of the moment at that time. I was just
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: getting really fired up and I didn't really know where
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: to channel that. And I'd already cried. So I'd already
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: had that emotional breakdown. part and it definitely was a
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: roller coaster and the next day I kind of got
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: to that angry point and so I knew where she
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: worked I knew her name I didn't really get into
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: the details of how they had met or how they
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: decided to go on this date or what she knew
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: except for the fact that she knew we were together
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: because to me that's all I needed to know and
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: he wasn't forthcoming with the details as well So I
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: didn't say anything to him. I just made out like
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I was going out for a drive to get a coffee.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: So I went and I ordered my coffee and his coffee.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: And I said to the guy, I was like, oh, hey,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: is Holly working today? He was like, oh, we don't
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: have a Holly here. And I just kind of saw
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Reed at that stage. And I stepped back waiting for
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: our order. And I called him and I said, what's
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: her name? And that's my first line I said to
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: him on the phone. I said, what is her name?
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: And he said, Mila, don't do this. And I said,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: what is her name? And he started to get a
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: bit panicky. And I think in the end, I actually
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: hung up on him and I got my coffees and
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I left. So I went home, obviously didn't have the
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: chance to confront her like I wanted to. I wasn't
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: going in there to I don't know, beat her up
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: or anything like that. I don't really know what I
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: was there for, to be honest. I think I needed
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: to be heard because the fact that she knew that
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: he was in a relationship, that is just as bad
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: to me as his side of it. Like, I'm a
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: girl's girl. I would never, ever do that to somebody knowingly.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: It would be totally different if she didn't know I
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: was in the picture. But she did. And yeah, I
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: kind of lost that chance to confront her. I went home.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: He finally told me the actual name. I knew that
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: it still was somebody from the cafe. He wasn't lying
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: about that. I think maybe he anticipated me doing something
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: and that's probably why he didn't give me the name
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: to start with. And so when I did find out
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: her name was Barbara, I guess that also gave me
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: a bit of information to start figuring out who she is.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: So I guess that's when I kind of tried to
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: have a little stalk see who she was, find out
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: about her a little bit. He admitted to me that
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: they didn't just kiss, they had had sex. So that
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: was another blow for me, obviously. And then we kind of,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I just went downstairs and separated myself from him during
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: that time. And he came down and he's like, I
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: don't want to be sitting around here all upset like this.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: They're having a party at her place tonight. I'm going
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: to go. I was kind of just waiting for him
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: to give me the detail and tell me where his
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: head was at because I still didn't know at this
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: stage if he was leaving me, if he wanted to
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: make it work. But when he said he was going
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: to go to the house, I think that's kind of
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: when I knew he's not invested in us anymore and
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: he's going to make a go of the situation. And
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I was not happy he was going to this party
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: and I I tried to slap him, but because he's
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: so tall, I kind of didn't connect. So that made
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: me more angry.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: So let me get this straight. You've just discovered your
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: partner of eight years has hooked up with a girl
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: who works at the cafe next to his office. You're
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: understandably devastated. You're getting very few answers, even less of
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: an apology. And rather than stick around and face the music,
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: he decides he can't handle you being upset. So what
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: does he do? He leaves to go to a party
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: at the house of the very girl he's cheated on
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: you with. I mean, you can't actually make this stuff up.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: So dear listeners, what's a girl to do in this situation? Well,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: you go to the bloody party.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I was quite irate, I would say, at that stage.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Obviously tried to slap him and pretty sure there was
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: a bit of yelling going on, which was also so
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: weird to me because we'd never had a fight before. Like,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: this is our first fight? So I got dressed up
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: had a couple of drinks to calm my nerves, and
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: my friend drove me over there. And we drove up
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: and down the street, and we were trying to figure
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: out which house it was, and eventually figured out which
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: house it was. And my friend just sat in the driveway.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I think she knew that I wanted to do this
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: on my own, and that she would be there if
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: anything were to go wrong. But I needed to do
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: that myself. And I walked through the door, and the
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: first thing I see is her sitting on his lap.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: And that was a really massive slap in the face too,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: because I'm sure that she's been talking about this situation
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: with her friends and they probably know and they're just
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: okay with him being there like that. When I had
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: only found out, you know, like a day prior that
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: they slept with each other and went on this date.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: So that made me really distrust, not just him, everyone. Ironically,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I thought, wow, they're just made for each other. Like
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: the first thing that she said, she looked at him
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: and said, you were right. And so she knew, well,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: they knew that I would probably turn up, I guess,
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: because I had attempted to confront her at work. But
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I was just also like, where is the care in
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: this situation? Like, you couldn't just be like, right, okay,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: let's go and have a chat, get away from the group, whatever.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: And that's the first thing that was said. And anyway,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: we went out the front of the house away from
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: everybody else. But I could see from the corner of
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: my eye every now and then somebody trying to sneak
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: up and listen in to what was going on. And
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I was furious at that. I was like, can you
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: just fuck off because this is between us and we
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: need to have this chat. It doesn't involve you. I
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: saw James kind of milling around in the background and
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: if he needed to be there to hear some of that,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: then that was fine. But everybody else had nothing to
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: do with them. And she said to me that this
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: isn't the time or the place. It's my friend's birthday.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: And I said to her, well, it really wasn't a
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: good time for me to be finding out that you're
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: fucking my boyfriend either. Another thing she said was, I
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: know what it feels like I've been cheated on too.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: And that was just like gobsmacking to me because if
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: you knew what it felt like, why would you do
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: it to someone else? No empathy, no remorse. And I
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: guess at the end of that conversation, I felt good
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: because I did what I needed to do. I got
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: it off my chest. I confronted her. I showed James
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: that I fight when it's something I think is worth
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: fighting for. And he was showing me no fight. So
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: I was true to myself in that situation. And I
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: feel like I handled it the right way. And I
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: wasn't like physically aggressive or anything towards her. It was
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: a conversation. But I think I was a little bit
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: in awe of the things that she was saying and
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: it kind of made me lose track of what I
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: wanted to get out of the conversation because I was
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: just so shocked that you could speak to someone that way.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: when you've cheated with their partner and you know the timeline.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I've only just found out. And you're just speaking to
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: me like I'm a piece of shit and I wasn't
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: in a relationship with this man for eight years. I
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: had a different set of things I wanted to say
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: to him and a different set for her. And I
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: wanted to get her out of the way first because,
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: as I said, he wasn't really giving me any information.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to get some information out of her.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I think I'm glad in a way because I really
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: stood up for myself in front of him. I did
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: catch it at the start, like I suspected. So I
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: think having that confirmed was really important to me because
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: if it was going on for longer than that and
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: I was kind of being blindsided, for longer than a
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks, that would have changed the dynamic a lot.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: She said, well, he's not moving in here. And I
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: was like, okay. But again, I was kind of just gobsmacked.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: I was like, huh? Like I never thought you essentially
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: just started your relationship a day ago. I didn't think
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: that you would be moving in together. She said, we
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: didn't mean for this to happen. It just happened naturally.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: And all these things that I didn't really want to know.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: but the conversation didn't last an awful long time. I'd
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: say it was probably like 10, 15 minutes. I ended
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: it with, that's all that I wanted to say and
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: got in the car with my friend and I left
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: and he didn't come home that night. And my friend
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: stayed with me and just kept me company. And I
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: got up in the morning and she was still there.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: And then I heard the door and it was him
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: coming in. So we had some form of conversation then
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: she kind of just snuck out and left us to
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: it but he continued to come home for like a
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: few hours here and there during the day but every
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: night he would go and stay at her place so
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: although she said that they're not moving in together he
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: essentially did move in with her he took some clothes
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: and he'd I guess at this point I was still
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: very much in shock and wanting to make it work
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: and I think I was trying to prove to him
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: that I was worth staying for.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Now, I know what you're probably thinking. Why on earth
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: would you want this guy back after a betrayal like that?
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing. Up until this point, Mila thought
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: their relationship was pretty much perfect. Eight years together, a
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: beautiful life they'd built, a future they'd planned, and not
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: a red flag in sight. So, of course, she wanted
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: to fight for it, to believe that what they had
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: was worth saving. And James... Well, he wasn't exactly telling
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: her it was over either. And so began months of
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: what can only be described as an emotional tug of war,
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: a bizarre, exhausting limbo when nobody seemed to know where
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: they stood. Two girls, one guy, and zero straight answers.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I kept asking him for conversations and I suggested that
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: we go to therapy together. I suggested that he do
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: therapy on his own. And there was definitely some breadcrumbing there.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: He would definitely say things that made me think, oh,
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: maybe I haven't lost him for good. Maybe I still
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: have a chance. But again, every day he would come
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: home after work. Then he would go to her place
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: every night through this whole period to help myself cope,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I think. I started getting into running and I just
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: needed to get outside. But because she lived just down
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: the road, I could see his ute parked outside her house.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: which made it really hard because I felt like it
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: was just being rubbed in my face. And sometimes I
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: would drive down the road to the supermarket or to
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: and from work or whatever I was doing, and I
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: would pass one of them in their cars or I
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: would pass both of them in the same car. And
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: that was just an extra stab in the back. The
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: next thing after that, the next big thing was the text.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: it said, I'll come over tomorrow. I'm so sorry, Mila.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I have a lot to say for once. That really
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: stood out to me as like, okay, maybe he is
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: feeling the gravity of it. We've had a little bit
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: of time now. I'd say it would have been about
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: a month. And at this stage, I was kind of
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: feeling like our conversations were going around in circles a bit.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Me telling him all the reasons he should stay, him
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: telling me he was unhappy for a long time before
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: all of this happened. And that frustrated me because if
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: you are so unhappy, why did you take this step
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: and buy this house with me? Why did we adopt
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: these cats? Why did you tell me we could start
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: trying for a baby? And why did you have that ring?
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: It was just, to not have a better word for it,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: it was such a mindfuck because he would tell me
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: one thing And then he would tell me something else
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: and then he would get my hopes up and then
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: he would just fully dash them. And I was already
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: going through an emotional roller coaster and he just made
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: it 10 times worse. And this went on for months.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: He was putting up with, I guess, committing to some
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: conversations with me initially. But then he was at the
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: house less and less. And then he eventually was never
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: coming home. I still was so worried about him through
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: it all. I was not wanting to be pushy because
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I was scared that he might do something stupid and
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: I was worried for his mental health. And it was
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: coming before my own. So I was just trying not
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: to be pushy, just like I was doing in the
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: relationship and trying to let him come to terms with
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: everything in his own time. But every time I would
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: message him or try and call him and he wouldn't
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: respond or wouldn't pick up, that would just fuel the fire.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: And I'd have the cycle of being upset, then angry,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: then upset, then angry. And we still owned a home together.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: If we were splitting up, we still had assets we
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: needed to split. So we went on like this for
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: a while. And then in March, he essentially sent me
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: a breakup text. That was him finally giving up on it.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: And after he sent it, he turned off his phone
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: and I was frantic because, you know, we were still discussing,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: you know, the potential for some couples counselling and he'd
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: flipped-flopped and been like, okay, no, I've made my decision,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: it's her. No, I've made my decision and it's you.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: So I was still feeling very torn because I know
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't be treated this way, but I loved him
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to make it work. And... Through all
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: of this as well, I was dealing with the grief of,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: you know, I was, what was I, 32 when this happened? Like,
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: I realistically may never have kids now. I guess I
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: was starting to think of the gravity of it all.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: And I was in a panic. I drove to their house.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, this can't be it. Like, the conversations
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: that we had been having was that there was a
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: bit of hope. He had a work phone as well,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: so I called his work phone, his personal phone. Couldn't
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: get hold of him, and I was just distraught. And
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: I'm really not proud of it, and I wish I
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: never said it. But I did feel it at the time.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: I said to him, it's just better for you if
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: I wasn't alive anymore, wouldn't it? It would just be
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: easier for you if I wasn't here. And he didn't
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: even reply to that. And that just made me heartbroken.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: And I never would have done anything. I could never
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: do that to my family. But I felt it. I
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: didn't want to be there anymore. And so I went
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: and got a bottle of wine from the fridge. And
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: it was only like eight o'clock at this stage, but
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: I was exhausted because I'd been crying. And I'd been
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: driving around like a lunatic and calling him and trying
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: to track him down and trying to make sure he
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: was okay. And then I have to take antihistamines twice
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: a day, so I had my normal medication and that.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: And I just left them on the bedside table and
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: I went to bed and I just, I slept a
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: lot during this period. I just tried to sleep the
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: days away because it was my only escape from not
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: thinking about it. but he eventually did the right thing.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: He was at a birthday party apparently, and when he
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: saw that message, he panicked. And he tried to ring me,
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: but I was asleep, and I'm pretty sure my phone
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: was on silent anyway. But I woke up and he
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: was in the room, and he was clearly panicked and
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: very relieved when I woke up. And he was thinking
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: the worst, because there's, you know, half a bottle of
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: wine on the side thing, and He probably didn't think
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: about it. He probably just thought, okay, she's drunk this
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: wine and taken all of these pills, but it was
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: just the packets from my normal nightly medication. And I
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: just burst into tears like I'd never cried before. And
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: I just, it was just like this guttural, like gut-wrenching
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: cry and I was I just I didn't know what
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: to do I didn't know what it meant that he
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: was there he said to me that he didn't even
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: when he sent the message he didn't know if he
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: really meant it but he felt like we couldn't keep
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: having these round and round conversations And I also felt
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: angry because I just thought that was so cowardly to
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: send a message like that. Like, first you cheated. You
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: didn't tell me you were unhappy. I had to find
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: out myself. Then you sent a text like this and
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: just go, hey, well, freak me out. Then I in
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: turn freak him out. And I just, I was so
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: sleep deprived and I didn't know what was going on
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: in my brain and We had a good chat that
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: night and we hugged and he still went back to
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: her place. But he told me he was going to
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: end it with her. And he told me he was
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: going to come home.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: So James moved back home. They picked up where they
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: left off and everyone lived happily ever after.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, not quite.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: Because while the plan was for James to move home,
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: actually making that happen proved to be a little more
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: complicated and a lot more drawn out than Miller had
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: ever anticipated.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: I made it quite clear in our conversations that, you know,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: if you come home, that's because you're breaking up with her.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: You're going to make it work with me. And it's
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: us back in a relationship, essentially. So I kept messaging
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: through this time like you told me you were going
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: to leave her and there was excuse after excuse. No
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: she came home with a gift for me today I
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: couldn't do it today or there were people around at
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: the house so I couldn't do it today. I'm coming
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: over tomorrow and dropping off a bag. So during this
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: time I showed up at their flat again because he
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: was telling me you know I'm moving home I'm moving
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: home blah blah blah then wasn't responding to me. Then
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I'd kind of make threats and I'd be like if
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: you don't come home soon we're gonna have to put
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: the house on the market we're gonna have to start
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: you know divvying up our staff and I guess I
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: was trying to think of all the practical things but
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: also prompt him to do the right thing and and
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: come home like he said he would and so yeah
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: one day I showed up at their at their flat
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: his female flatmate answered the door And I said, oh, hey,
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: I'm just here to see James. And she's like, do
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: you not have a phone? And I was like, yes,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: but he's not responding. Hence why I'm here. And this time, unfortunately,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: both James and Barbara were there. He came down first
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: and then she decided to insert herself into the situation
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: as well. So anyway, we're having this heated conversation. And
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I convince him to come over to the house so
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: we can have a chat without her being there. And
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: I get into his ute. I keep thinking he's going
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: to get in the ute and we're just going to go.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: And they keep having a conversation. And I kept trying
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: to push the door open to hear the conversation. Because
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: if you're talking about me, say it in front of me.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Don't just talk about it behind my back. And anyway,
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: one of the times when I went to push the
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: door open, She pushed it closed at the same time
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: and it impacted my hand and I broke my thumb.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: It was in a cast for six weeks. So amongst
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: all of this, I then had to go to hand
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: therapy for months on end. Explain that to my work
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: when I had to go and get x-rays and stuff done.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: And again, just adding some more stress to the whole situation.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: And then just like that, so.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: He moved home. In the May, after telling me for
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: two months he was coming home, I pulled into the
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: driveway one day and his car was there and I
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: was like, it was just out of the blue. Like, no,
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: I'm coming home in an hour, nothing. And that night
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: he told me he was going to sleep in the
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: downstairs bed and I was like, sorry, what? Like, if
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: you're coming home, you're coming home to be with me.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: So we slept in the same bed. But before all
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: that happened, I don't know if he did this cowardly
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: to her as well and just left and didn't tell her.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: But he started getting messages, I believe from a friend
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: of hers, like we're really worried about her. She's, you know,
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: sending these Snapchat stories of her just like walking out
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: into the ocean and all of this stuff. And he
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: was like, you're going to hate me. And I was like, what?
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: And he was like, I think I need to go.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: And I said to him, I was like, you know what,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: I don't want to have that on my conscience. If
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: you think you need to go because she's going to
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: do something, then you go. I waited up for him
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: to get home. We kind of didn't really talk about it.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: I'm sure it was heavy. And he said to me,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: he was really big into football. He was like, oh,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: do you want to watch this game with me? Obviously,
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: they were weird times because like Premier League football over there,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: be a different time for us here. So it was
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: quite early in the morning by then. So I watched
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: a bit with him and went to bed and the
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: week kind of continued on and it was sort of normal.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: But there was no such thing as normal for Mila
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: and James anymore. The damage had been done, the seeds
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: of doubt had been well and truly planted and James
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: was still in contact with Barbara. So rather than finding
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: their way back to the relationship they once had, Mila
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: was now stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of anxiety,
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: uncertainty and emotional exhaustion. And with no real answers, there
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: was no relief in sight.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: It was just one thing after another and it was exhausting.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: I've never been more exhausted in my life and I
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: was stressing other people in my life out and I
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: didn't intend for that to be the case. One day
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I just didn't show up for work and one of
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: my best friends who I worked with and my boss
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: showed up at my house and I felt so bad.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: because they were clearly thinking the worst, and I just
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: wasn't coping. And some days were worse than others. I
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: had a lot of sick days in that time. And
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: then I'd have these happy days where he'd given me
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: some hope, you know. He'd moved back, and then that happened,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: and he'd met up with her again. We'd kind of
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: had some chats, slept separately for a few nights. Then
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: on the Thursday night, I said, are you coming home?
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: And he said, oh, I'm just having a few drinks
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: with a friend from work. And I was like, okay,
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: like he doesn't really have anyone to talk to about it.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: And this woman knows him and Barbara. So I guess
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: it's not really an objective opinion because she doesn't know me.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: But anyway, he was talking it out with her, ended
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: up drinking too much and didn't come home. Then on
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: the Friday... I went for my run. It was Friday drinks.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: We had spoken before he had moved back about Friday
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: drinks and he said, you know, I don't think I'll
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: be staying on for Friday drinks when I come home
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: because there's a chance that she'll be there and blah, blah, blah.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm on my run and he drives past
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: and I waved. And then like two minutes later, she
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: drove by behind him. So I knew that they were
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: at drinks together. I brought it up I was like
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: look I know that you were at drinks together she
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: drove by like two minutes after you drove by me
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: and I can't remember what prompted him to say it
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: but he said well I did it for a reason
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: like the whole cheating thing and I was like kind
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: of taken aback and I was like how dare you
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: like say that to me how dare you you've come
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: home you've not even tried This is the second chance
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: essentially that I've given you. I gave you that first
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: chance when I found out you were cheating. I didn't
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: dismiss you and break it off straight away. I let
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: you try and work it out on your own time.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: Then you move home and you don't even make an effort.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: Like there was no effort involved. You were going to
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: sleep in a different room. You still had contact with her.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: And the next day I went out to get my
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: nails done and I text him. I said, are you
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: going to be home when I get back? And he
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah. And I said, we need to talk.
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: And I just said, this isn't going to work. You've
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: come home. You've been disrespectful to me. You've not made
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: any sort of attempts to make things right or move
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: forward with our relationship. You've just made it harder. He
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: went out that night. He came back the next day.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: And then he moved out all of his stuff on
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: the Sunday, all of his clothes and a few extra
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: belongings that he didn't take the first time. I knew
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: that there was no coming back from that. People knew
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: that he had come home. I knew my family, my friends,
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: nobody would ever be able to forgive that. And I
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: couldn't forgive that.
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: And she didn't. This time, it was well and truly over.
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: No more second chances. No more going back. Miller cut
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: all times with James and even started dipping her toes
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: back into the dating pool. But there was still one
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: last piece of their old life together that needed untangling.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: one final thing tying them together, and it wasn't going
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: to sort itself out.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: The house went on the market, we sold it, sold
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: it for more than we paid for it, which was great.
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: I was looking at first places to buy on my own,
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: but then it swapped to rentals because he had not
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: got his ducks in a row solicitor-wise. Found a place
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: luckily in time, but it wasn't ideal. It was bigger
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: than I needed, more expensive than I would have liked,
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: but I just had to take it because otherwise I
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: didn't have anywhere to go. And obviously, you know, people offer,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: you know, oh, you could stay with me, but I
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: had the cats as well. I can't just burden somebody
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: else with my pets as well as me. And I
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: didn't want them to have to move around like that either.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: So I'm still in the same place and I love it,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: but it took James four months to sign our settlement
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: agreement post-settlement day for the house. And through that time,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: there were more arguments, more breadcrumbing. And now I'm in
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: a position where I don't know if I'm going to
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: be able to buy because I've wasted all of this
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: money on rent and because I couldn't move from our
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: place into something of my own. So not just dealing
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: with that breakup grief, that potential of not being a mum,
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: the financials of all of it. And he tried to
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: get more and more money out of me, which was
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: really frustrating. I guess I wore him down eventually because
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: he didn't get that extra money and we did get
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: it pretty much 50-50 split. And we haven't spoken since.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: The last conversation, that I had with him before the
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: whole anger about him not signing was a few, I
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: think it was the day we went unconditional on the house.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: The buyers came back with a question and they wanted
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: a price reduction because a couple of things had come
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: back in the building report. And he said to me,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: you've been right all along. I don't want to do this.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: It's not just the house. I feel like I'm making
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: a big mistake. And I was like, mate, even if
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: we turned down this offer now, we can't. It's like,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: we've signed this. It's a conditional agreement. We could go
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: back and say no change to the price and they
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: could say, okay, we're still going ahead with buying. And
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's too late. It's too far, too
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: far gone. So yeah, that was really hard because I
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: felt like it was such a selfish thing for him
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: to do at the last minute as well.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: And as for James and Barbara- As far.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: As I know, they're still together. I'm still a psycho
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: and have a look at her socials or his socials
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: every now and then. I don't think that this was
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: ever going to be a nice situation, no matter how
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: it played out, right? But, you know, if you're remorseful
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: and if he helped me more with like, he wouldn't
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: even message the agents back sometimes when they'd ask a
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: question when the house was on the market and things
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: like that. all of the little stuff, if he was
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: more helpful and showed with his actions that he was remorseful,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: it would have been so much easier. If she had
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: no contact with me, that would have made it so
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: much easier. It's not just like it's a distrust in
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: men because of my relationship experiences now, it's the way
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: other people have treated me through it. And I've discovered
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: that people don't know how to deal with situations like this.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: They don't know what to say And so many people
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: that should have showed up didn't. And then some really
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: surprising people that I didn't expect to be so caring
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: in that time for me were. So it's been a
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: big learning about people for me and not all for
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: the better, unfortunately. So I've done a lot of counselling
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: and I guess I've kept my circle a lot smaller
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: than it even was before. because I don't want to
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: be hurt again, not in a friendship way or a
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: relationship way. So I think it's just a bit of
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: a protection mechanism. I wanted to take the time and
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: get myself right before I brought somebody else into the equation.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: And I'm having fun, but not looking for anything long
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: term right now. And I don't know when that will change.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: My outlook for the future is optimistic. But I think
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: I'm also realistic now. I don't so much believe in
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: the fairy tale that we're kind of sold like in
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: the movies and stuff. And I'm sure that there are
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: instances out there where that does happen. And if that
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: happens to me, then great. But I'm not holding out
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: hope for that. And I am also learning to be
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: happy on my own. And it's a running joke with
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: most people that I know that I'm like the crazy
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: cat lady because I'm single and I have two cats.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: And I like to remind everyone that I was in
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: a long-term relationship when I got the cats. So that
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: bypasses me, the whole crazy cat lady thing. If I
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: end up with 10, I totally get it. But I
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: guess I'm okay with the thought of being on my own.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: But I do eventually want to find someone to share
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: life with. I don't think I'm so naive now. And
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: I definitely have found my voice. I definitely don't take
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: shit from anyone anymore. And I know my boundaries. There's been,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: you know, benefits to it all. And I've learned a lot.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: But I guess what's not changed is even though I
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: try not to be trusting, I still am to a point.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just not so naive, I guess. And trusting
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: when it's earned. It's not just given freely. I think
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: I expected from him through the whole time to be
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: more understanding and looking back, I wish I was more
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: firm in knowing my worth and didn't give him that
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: second chance to move back in. Yeah, I felt weak
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: looking back at my messages to him from the time.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: And I also started journaling a suggestion from a friend
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: who was also going through the same thing. And just, yeah,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: reading back on all of that, I do feel a
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: little bit weak. So I just wish that I had
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: been a bit stronger. And I don't see it as
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: a bad thing. It's just a learning. And I was
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: true to my emotions at the time. And I wanted
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: to fight for the relationship. And I did. Yeah, I
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: just wish that I was a little bit stronger with him. Otherwise,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty happy with the way that I handled everything.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: And everybody kept saying that I had been so caring
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: through it all and that they would have been way
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: more unhinged and stuff. And I was like, well, you
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: didn't see me the whole time. There were definitely some
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: unhinged moments. But yeah, I'm overall happy with the way
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: that I portrayed myself and the way I handled it all.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: I still think about him, but far less than I
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: did before. And I don't wish things had worked out
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: differently with us now. I guess one thing that really
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: frustrated me was people used to say, you know, it's
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: so good that you didn't have kids with him because
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: you'd always have that tie to him. But it hurts
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: either way because if I had a kid with him,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: at least I would have had that opportunity to have
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: a child, which I don't know that I'm going to
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: have now. And everyone's like, well, you know, you don't
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: need a dad these days to have a kid. You
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: can do it on your own. But because I came
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: from a split family, I've always wanted that family unit
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: for myself. So I've always wanted to have a father
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: figure in my child's life, even if it isn't the
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: actual father. So that's a hard thing to come to
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: terms with. And I do think about that a lot. I'm...
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: Living my single life now and just enjoying it for
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: what it is and trying not to think about the
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: future too much. It'll happen when it happens and when
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to get back out there properly, then I will.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: And after this, I want to get rid of all
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: of the messages, all of the diary journal entries that
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: I made through that time because, yes, it's been good
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: to look back on and, you know, everyone says, like,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: things will get better and they do and... I'm glad
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: I kept my journal so I could see that but
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: I think now it's it's only bad to read that
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: back and I don't need the receipts I knew what
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: happened I know what happened I know what I did
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: I know what they did and I don't need to
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: explain it to anybody anymore yeah so I think a
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: sacrificial burn will go down quite well of all of
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: that yeah time to let go.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: Everyone Has an Ex is a Minty Media production and
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: proudly part of the Mamma Mia Network. This interview was
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: conducted and the episode narrated by me, Georgia Love, and
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: written and produced by me, Georgia Love. by Linda Scott.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: If you have a story you'd like to share, email
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: everyonehasanx at mintymedia.com.au. You can support us by following the
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: show in your favourite podcast app, leaving a five-star rating
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: and a review. We'll see you for the next episode.