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Self Talk Establishes Your Identity · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield,
• 0:03
  John Mitchell: hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So we got something pretty cool today. I want to the topic today is self talk establishes your identity, and that's significant, because your identity defines your long term actions, and your actions determine your success. So self talk is how you establish your identity. And I was just watching a great video by Joe Dispenza, who is the Mind Body Body guru, world famous, like people obviously know him. I clipped up a presentation he did. And so here's what we're going to do. I'm going to play a clip three or four minutes, and then Kelly and I are going to talk about it, and then we'll go to the next one. But I think this is pretty enlightening about the power of self talk. So Kelly, you ready for that?
• 0:57
  Kelly Hatfield: I am ready for it. Let's do it.
• 1:00
  John Mitchell: Okay, so I'll we'll share the screen here, right? Yeah, okay, so let's roll with this. Here we go,
• 1:10
  Joe Dispenza: Right now, in this very moment, your life is about to change your whole existence, everything you've become, everything you are and everything you'll ever be, comes down to one thing, the conversation you're having with yourself right now, that voice inside your head, the one that's been telling you what you can and can't do, what's possible and impossible, that's the key to your transformation. Let me tell you something extraordinary about your brain. Every single thought you think creates a biochemical reaction in your body. Every single word you say to yourself, fires and wires specific neural networks in your brain. When you wake up each morning and tell yourself, I'm not good enough or I can't do this, you're not just having a thought. You're programming your neural circuitry to create that exact reality. Here's what's fascinating. So your brain can't tell the difference between what's happening in your environment and what you're thinking about. That's why, when you change your thoughts, you literally change your brain structure. This isn't philosophy. This is pure neuroscience. Your thoughts are that powerful,
• 2:14
  John Mitchell: So obviously a nice way to launch into this how your thoughts change your biology. Had you ever realized that? Kelly,
• 2:24
  Kelly Hatfield: You know, I had only because of the work that I did in getting introduced with think it be it, right, we noticed a huge difference in that. And then I'll tell you one other thing that's been interesting since our last podcast episode that we recorded. That was the Andrew Huberman, right? We chatted about that, you know, I think, I believe, I talked with you about, you know, obviously there's some challenging times right now, like globally and, all right, also in business, and so I use, just over the course of this last week, the tactics that were in, you know, that Andrew Huberman talked about, right man, what a difference it made in terms of everything, my energy level, the, you know, the level of action that I took, the, you know, just staying on point, not getting, you know, pulled into things that didn't like I didn't need to be pulled into. It was a great week as a result of implementing those. So it's interesting that just in that short window of time, what a difference that can make.
• 3:20
  John Mitchell: Right, right. Let's listen to the this a little longer, and there's there's video to this.
• 3:26
  Joe Dispenza: So see, most people live their entire lives on autopilot, letting their past program their future. They wake up with the same thoughts which trigger the same emotions, which drive the same behaviors, creating the same experiences, day after day after day, but you're about to break that cycle. When you change how you speak to yourself, you change your brain, when you change your brain, you change your energy. When you change your energy, you change your life. It's that simple and it's that profound. Think about them. Every great achievement in human history started with someone telling themselves Yes, when the world was saying no. Every breakthrough, every innovation, every triumph, began with an inner dialog that defied the current the current reality. The stakes couldn't be higher right now. You're either reinforcing your limitations or breaking through them. You're either programming your brain for success or programming it for more of the same. There's no middle ground. Your self talk is either elevating you or holding you back. In these next three days, you're going to learn how to become the architect of your destiny through the precise and purposeful use of your inner dialog. You're going to understand how to speak to yourself in a way that literally changes the circuitry of your brain, alters your body's chemistry and transforms your personal reality. This isn't about positive thinking. This is about neural reconstruction. This isn't about temporary motivation. This is about permanent transformation. This is about becoming supernatural, about stepping beyond the limitations of your past and into the quantum field of infinite possibilities. You ready, because once you understand this and truly apply it, there's no going back to your old self. The next three days will create ripples in your consciousness that will expand into waves of transformation in every area of your life. Let's look at what's really happening in
• 5:15
  your brain right now. Every morning you wake up, and within the first few minutes, your mind starts its familiar pattern, you're thinking the same thoughts you thought yesterday and the day before and the day before that. These aren't random thoughts. They're a program running automatically shaping your entire reality. Here's what's really going on. So your brain processes about 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts every single day. But here's the shocking part, 90 of those thoughts are exactly the same as the ones you had yesterday. You're literally thinking yourself into the same life day after day through this automatic your negative self talk isn't just words in your head when you tell yourself, I'm not ready, I can't afford it, I'm not smart enough. Your body believes every word. Your brain releases stress chemicals. Your genes express themselves differently, your immune system changes, your energy drops all because of words you're saying to yourself, probably without even realizing it. Think about this. Every time you have a thought, you make a chemical if you have a fearful thought, your brain releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. If you have an angry thought, different chemicals flood your system. Your thoughts are literally creating your biological state. And here's the critical part, your body doesn't know the difference between an actual experience and an experience you're just thinking about. You've been unconsciously conditioning your body to become addicted to these negative emotional states. That's why change feels so hard. Your body is literally fighting to maintain these familiar chemical states, even though they're making you miserable. It's like being addicted to your own personal pharmacy of emotions, your limiting beliefs aren't facts, they're just thoughts you've thought so many times that they've become hardwired into your neural circuitry. I'm not good with money. Relationships always end badly for me. I'll never
• 7:07
  lose weight. These aren't truths, they're just neural networks that have become strengthened through repetition. Every time you repeat these thoughts, you're reinforcing these neural pathways. It's like walking the same path through a field of grass. The more you walk it, the more defined the path becomes. Your brain is literally shaped by your habitual thinking. This is why most people keep creating the same life circumstances over and over. They're thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions, and therefore attracting the same experiences. But here's the incredible thing about your brain, it's adaptable. Scientists call this neuroplasticity. Your brain is constantly wiring itself based on your thoughts and experiences. This means you're not stuck with your current neural pathways. You can create new ones. You can literally think yourself into a new state of being. The problem is, most people wait for something in their outer world to change before they change their inner dialog. They want to feel confident before they start talking to themselves confidently. They want to see success before they start thinking like a successful person. But that's backwards. Your external reality is a reflection of your internal dialog. Your repetitive thoughts are creating your future right now, in this moment, your self talk is either programming you for success or programming you for more of the same. There's no neutral ground. Every thought is either moving you toward what you want or keeping you stuck where you are. This is why becoming aware of your current mental state is so crucial. You can't change what you're not aware of and awareness is the first step to breaking free from these automated patterns that have been running your life on autopilot.
• 8:48
  John Mitchell: Boy, is that not powerful?
• 8:50
  Kelly Hatfield: So powerful? Yeah, I love the line about being addicted to that cocktail of emotions, you know, even though it's making you uncomfortable, making me miserable, and you know that it being a lot like addiction, that was right, interesting, right?
• 9:07
  John Mitchell: Yeah, there's so many things to get into on that. One, you know, you're either wiring yourself for success or you're wiring yourself to recreate the past. Man that is, that is such a powerful concept, didn't
• 9:21
  Kelly Hatfield: It absolutely and it's interesting too. It's like, you know, so much of what we talk about that the way that he's phrasing it, you know, when he talks about you're waking up every day and you're repeating the same patterns, you're having the same thought you're you know, you know you're living from the past. You know all these thoughts, they're the same that you're having every day, yet somehow you're expecting, you know, the things are going to be different, and they're not, not as long as you continue to have those same thoughts, you know? So yeah, it's like, we're Yeah, we know that. But it's interesting. When he says it, it's like, that's so true.
• 9:55
  John Mitchell: You know, what hits me is, most people, 98% of people, are just winging. Life. They do not have a way of doing life. They're doing nothing to impact their mindset. And I see that self talk is how you impact your your mindset. I mean, it's, you know, this is simple, but the vast majority don't do anything to impact that mindset through what they call focused self talk. And, you know, that's just one of the things about life that I find so interesting. It's so so obvious, and so many people miss it. Of course, it makes it easier for the people they get it to be successful, because most people are missing it. And I that's, that's maybe that, that's the silver lining to it. But I'll tell you another thing that I noticed that I was going to do this with my class. Probably will do it in the next week or so, but remember, in that just minute ago, he talks about how you have 70,000 thoughts a day, right? Well, one of the things that I want my students and the people listening to this podcast to intrinsically understand that 95% of your daily thoughts and actions are unconscious. Not believe it because you've read the statistic, but believe it because you intuitively understand it, and I think this might be a good way to explain it. So if you got 70,000 thoughts a day, just think about it. Well, if 95% of them are unconscious and 5% are conscious, that means that you have about 3500 conscious thoughts a day? Well, you can, you can get your head around that. You can see where, where you might have 3500 thoughts a day. But on the flip side of that, it would be absolutely impossible to have. You know, 65 70,000 conscious thoughts a day, totally impossible. And so I don't know if that helps people sort of grasp, oh, maybe this, 95% of my thoughts and actions being unconscious really is true, rather than than just some abstract fact. What do you think about that? Is that
• 12:25
  Kelly Hatfield: I mean, yeah, I yeah, I'm not sure. I guess it just depends. If you're someone who likes the stats, you know, and the science part of it. I always like to when I'm talking to people about it, I'm like, pay attention to the stuff that you do each day, and whether you're actually thinking about it while you're doing it. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's like for real life, you know, example. So are you thinking about how you lather the shampoo in your hands as you're lathering the shampoo and washing your hair? Or sometimes finish your shower and go, did I wash my hair on totally on autopilot, you know. Or while you're, you know, sitting in a meeting. Or, like, are you thinking about every single thing you know and locked in and focused on what's happening there? Or are you working on your grocery list? Are you thinking like, really think about your day and the thoughts what you're doing and the thoughts you're having throughout the day, you know, and you'll start to paint a very clear picture of the fact that you know other than, and this is, I think we talked about this in a prior episode, where you know other than, like, bodily right? Stuff that's happening automatically, that runs your body, right? You know what I mean? Hormone production, like all of those things are all still part of that 95% of things, how unconsciously in your body, like, you don't have to think about your heart beating, you know, and or breathing, or anything along those lines, but like, of the things that you're doing throughout the day, you know, bring a level of awareness behind that, and you'll start to really go, like, oh, like, you know, I'm driving, you know, and I've got a song on the radio, and I'm like, and everything's happening, and I'm seeing I might be singing the lyrics to that song, you know. I'm driving while, you know. And so just to help people wrap their head around it, and I think for me, if you were that like, you think that way, that's
• 14:19
  really helpful to go, oh yeah, I can see how 95% of what I do each day, I do without thinking about it, you know, well,
• 14:26
  John Mitchell: And, you know, I think, I think a lot of people probably think, oh, yeah, okay, I'll buy all that so that that's fine. But so what? How does that that affect me? Well, it affects you big time, because when you do the proper self talk, and you create the right clarity for yourself about, like, what you want to accomplish in in your business, like, like the example that that we've used with you, where every time you go into the office, you get besieged. With people asking you questions, and they were You were always a problem solver, so you got very little done, and it didn't move your team forward. And then you start feeding to yourself that when they come you're going to respond with a question. When they ask you a question or respond, you'll respond with a question. Well, that's the type of thing when you really create clarity in your life, and you feed that level of clarity to yourself, that's when the difference makes. Because a lot of stuff that's going on, conscious, unconscious, doesn't matter, but there's a few things that hugely matter. That's what I guess. I want people to see, is that when you create the succinct articulation of your desired life and feed it to yourself every day, you're going to be articulating those actions that will make all the difference in your in your career. You're also going to articulate that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, and that sets the tone for how you you're going to deal with with stress when things don't go your way. You're going to articulate that. And it just reframes through your self talk, your identity which, which then reframes how you handle things that come up and how you automatically take the right actions you like that. That makes
• 16:25
  Kelly Hatfield: Absolutely. That makes sense. Yeah.
• 16:29
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, let's, let's listen to one more. So he talks about this pretty good This one's, let's talk about how people are resistant to self talk. This is, this is really pretty interesting
• 16:41
  Joe Dispenza: Talk about what's actually happening in your body when you begin this new pattern of self talk. This isn't just a mental exercise. You're literally changing your biology with every word you speak to yourself. Your body is a complex chemical factory, and your thoughts are the factory manager. When you achieve heart brain coherence through positive self talk, something remarkable happens. Your heart starts producing a rhythmic pattern that scientists can measure. This isn't metaphorical. It's measurable electromagnetic energy. Your heart actually has its own nervous system, sending more signals to your brain than your brain sends to your heart. When you place your hand on your heart and speak to yourself with kindness and power, your heart rhythm becomes more ordered, more coherent. This coherent state sends signals to your brain that say, All is well. Your brain responds by reducing the production of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This is why you feel a physical sense of calm and power when you speak to yourself with intention. But it goes even deeper, as your stress hormones decrease, your body starts producing what I call the chemicals of possibility, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These aren't just feel good chemicals, they're signals that tell your genes to express themselves differently. You're literally changing your genetic expression through your self talk. Think about this. Every cell in your body has receptors that respond to these chemicals. When you tell yourself, I am powerful, I am capable, I am worthy, you're not just saying words, you're creating a cascade of biological changes. Your cells begin to vibrate at a different frequency. They literally tune themselves to a new energetic signature. This is why people who master their self talk often report feeling physically different. Their energy changes, their presence changes, even their facial expressions change. They're not just thinking
• 18:33
  differently, they're becoming biologically different. Your cells are always listening to yourself when you consistently speak to yourself with power and purpose. Your cells begin to expect these new chemical states. They start to crave the feel good chemicals instead of the stress chemicals. This is how lasting transformation happens at the cellular level, the energy frequency of your cells changes based on your thoughts and words. When you're in a state of fear or doubt, your cells vibrate at a lower frequency, but when you shift your self talk to words of power and possibility, your cellular frequency increases. This isn't mystical, it's measurable quantum physics. When your cells vibrate at these higher frequencies, they become more efficient at everything they do. They communicate better, they repair themselves better. They even replicate better. You're literally upgrading your biological software through your self talk. This is why consistency is so crucial. In these three days, every time you catch yourself in negative self talk and shift to positive intentional self talk, you're not just changing your mood, you're changing your biology. You're teaching your cells a new way of being. The reduction in stress hormones also has a profound effect on your immune system. When you're not flooding your body with stress chemicals, your immune system functions better. Your body can focus on repair and regeneration instead of constantly responding to perceived threats. Remember, your body doesn't know the difference between real and imagined stress. When you tell yourself, I can't handle this or this is too much, your body responds as if you're in actual danger. But when you shift your self talk to I am capable, and I handle challenges with ease, your body responds by creating an internal environment of strength and resilience. You're not just changing your mind. You're changing your entire biological system. Every word you speak to yourself is
• 20:26
  either moving you toward optimal cellular function or away from it. There is no neutral self talk. Every internal dialog is creating biological change.
• 20:36
  John Mitchell: Boy, that's That's powerful. What's your takeaways from that?
• 20:40
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, and it's very powerful. I believe it on, you know, I've gone through, you know, some health stuff before, and in recognizing, you know, the way in which I was talking to myself, or, you know, that I was creating stress. But one thing that's interesting, and I'm going to do a little callback to our last episode, I wonder. You know, he is. Joe Dispenza is talking in eyes, you know. So like he's saying, I'm capable, I am. So they're more on the affirmation side, where, as Huberman was talking about the research that's out now, by putting that in third person, you know, where you are, the type of person who that's connected to identity. So I wonder what the things you know, like the differentiation is there on those two
• 21:26
  John Mitchell: You know, I am so glad you brought that up, because I, I wanted to talk about this. So I tried the technique of saying you instead of I for two weeks, and I did like it and and I started digging into it a little deeper. At the end of the day, the self talk has to affirm your identity and and for some people, maybe saying you this, you that reaffirms your identity. But for me, it felt like it was a step away from my identity. It was my identity was was locked in way more when I say I'm this, I'm that, then when I said you're this, you're that. And I think that I now believe this so firmly that it's okay either way, whichever way you feel, works for you that I I had to call the people that did our algorithm and said, okay, hold the phone. Don't go change it all. I think my plan going forward is to keep on letting it be i But pointing this out that if someone wants to try it the other way, and I listened to to Huberman very closely, and it's all about your identity, and however you relate to your identity, by saying you or I is what matters. But I'm curious, what do you think ?
• 22:51
  Kelly Hatfield: I tried to be you and I loved it, really. And I don't know for me whether it was because I it was different. And like, Well, my brain needed maybe a little bit of a reset, because I'm used to reading my visualization the way that it's written, you know, my, you know, methodology, my life, GPS, and so maybe part of it was it helped refresh it and, you know, so my brain took that in a little bit differently, you know, I'm not sure, but, you know, it? Yeah, I really liked it. I felt like it, it. I don't know whether enhanced is the right word, I guess just refreshed, like, right? You know, again, we all kind of fall into patterns. That's a great pattern to have. Is to read my visualization every morning and listen, you know, but it being phrased in a different way. I didn't record it in a different way. I just took out some of it and put you and then i i It wasn't more so that it was in my methodology. I didn't go so far as to change out everything in my life, GPS and change it right? You. I to you. What I did was more so put together. I paid attention to anything that I was saying, and most all of it was related to business, and then put use around that and reframe it with the use so
• 24:09
  John Mitchell: Well, that's cool. Yeah, that's good to to play with it. So I think it's a, it's a now, it's a new way to to look at think it be, it a little, it's, it's a it's a deeper perspective. But I think at the end of the day, either what is okay, yet, it's all about your identity, you know. And so let's maybe listen to one final one that is really, I found pretty, pretty interesting regarding sort of the experience of resistance. I don't exactly see it well, you know? I'll just sort of recap what, what we learned. So he talks about how it's natural to have really adverse feelings of change. You know, you start doing this, this daily self talk, you're. Coming off of being basically winging life. And he says your your body will really be adverse to it at first and but the more you do it. And he talks about even three days, you'll start to see the effect. But anyway, well, one thing I will play for you real quick. Is, and this is from the Huberman interview, basically, a really good summary of this whole thing, and him and and Dispenza are on the on the same topic, but listen this summary of it.
• 25:36
  Andrew Huberman: In other words, your internal language becomes a lever for state control, giving you the ability to shift from reactivity to responsiveness, from chaos to clarity. And here's what's especially powerful. This control is trainable. When you consistently pair self directed language with physiological awareness like breath regulation or posture, you're creating a feedback loop that links cognition with autonomic control over time, this loop becomes more efficient and more automatic. You're no longer just reacting to the world. You're regulating yourself from within. This is why elite performers, from Special Forces to Olympic athletes, train their inner dialog with precision. It's not about motivation, it's about autonomic command, because the truth is, your biology responds more to the signals you send yourself than the circumstances you're in, and when your internal language becomes intentional, grounded and strategic, you gain access to the full spectrum of your performance, cognitively, emotionally and physiologically, you are your own operator, and self directed language is one of the most accessible, science backed tools to take control of your nervous system and bring yourself back into alignment On Demand. What you say to yourself is not just background noise. It's a neural command, a biological signal that your entire system listens to. If for three days, just three you commit to speaking to yourself with precision, identity and deliberate self leadership, you'll begin to change not just how you feel, but what your brain becomes capable. The nervous system doesn't care what you hope to become. It responds to what you repeat with intensity, and in a world that's constantly trying to program you from the outside, your internal language is the most powerful form of neurological sovereignty you have. So the question is not, can you change? The question is, can you become the kind of person who speaks truth into your own biology before
• 27:52
  the world tells you what's possible? Talk to yourself like it matters because it does. Your brain is listening and it's ready to build the version of you that you decide to speak into existence.
• 28:04
  John Mitchell: Boy, that's good. That is really powerful. I love that. Yeah, yeah. Well, okay. On that note, I think we'll catch everybody next time. Okay, we'll see you.