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Oooohhh...You're the Smart, Sophisticated One!? · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're the smart sophisticated one. It's one more thing.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: I'm strong and one more thing.
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  Speaker 3: If that's going to work up a big belch to
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  Speaker 3: follow that.
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  Speaker 2: But that's too much even for me.
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  Speaker 1: If New York Times readers are the ones that are
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: smart and sophisticated compared to the rest of us, and
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  Speaker 1: I guarantee you they feel like they are, then why
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  Speaker 1: are there so many articles about psychics and even pet
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  Speaker 1: psychics and so many people who believe in that crap?
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  Speaker 1: How do you put those together? I'm not sure that
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  Speaker 1: there are more people that believe in pet psychics among
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  Speaker 1: the New York Times reader crowds in the general population,
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  Speaker 1: but they do think they're smarter and more sophisticated than
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  Speaker 1: the rest of us.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's funny. I just got hoodwinked into
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  Speaker 3: starting an incredibly long article by Nate Silver about the
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: canceling of Stephen Colbert Show. And there's a fair amount
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: that was interesting in there, but once sentence just stuck
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  Speaker 3: in my craw. I said progressives who are generally the
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  Speaker 3: side that values evidence based decisions.
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  Speaker 1: Really And I'm like, wait, what, Wow, that's something that
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  Speaker 1: he feels at Yeah, so he thinks the people on
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  Speaker 1: the right, because they're religious more, don't believe in evidence.
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  Speaker 1: That's that's the practically, the entire definition of being a
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  Speaker 1: conservative is recognizing what is based on facts and figures
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  Speaker 1: and your emotions.
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  Speaker 2: Cold realism.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's wild now, although you know, in his weird defense,
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  Speaker 3: I suppose if you just advocate as loud as you
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: can anything Trump tells you to advocate, okay, for instance,
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  Speaker 3: in the same way that people just completely reversed their
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: field and sung the praises of Obama no matter what
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  Speaker 3: they said in the past. But yeah, I thought that
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  Speaker 3: was so Yeah, progressives, I very carefully assessed the evidence
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: and decided on thumbs up for pet psychics.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Call him in the New York Times. I took my
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: dog to a psychic, and I think it worked. When
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  Speaker 1: I look into my dog's soulful brown eyes, it's hard
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  Speaker 1: to know what he's thinking about me. Buddy is a
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  Speaker 1: near constant presence in my life, following me from room
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  Speaker 1: to room, lingering under foot in the kitchen, and cuddling
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  Speaker 1: on the couch as I watch TV. In other words,
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  Speaker 1: a dog a dog.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think Buddy is the perfect name for a dog.
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  Speaker 3: I've come to this conclusion recently. My neighbor has a
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  Speaker 3: dog named Buddy, and I have a dog named Baxter,
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  Speaker 3: and I constantly call him Buddy. Yeah, Buddy's a good name,
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  Speaker 3: so you might as well just give him that name,
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  Speaker 3: says this writer in the New York Times, which is
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  Speaker 3: like the coolest job you can have as a writer
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  Speaker 3: in the world. Practically who uses pet psychics? I often
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  Speaker 3: wonder if he's not so silently judging me when he
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  Speaker 3: saw and tosses me side eye?
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  Speaker 2: Is he actually oh he is?
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  Speaker 1: Is he actually happy here? Does he even like me?
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  Speaker 3: Oh? No?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Thanks to Nina unpronounceable, a vet turned pet communicator, Oh
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  Speaker 1: good idea calling yourself a pet communicator instead of a psychic,
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  Speaker 1: because psychics has a bit of baggage as a term.
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  Speaker 1: You're a pet communicator while you're a vet. So she
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  Speaker 1: went to vet school and still thought in all, but
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  Speaker 1: there's more money and ripping off these morons who don't
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  Speaker 1: have kids and put too much emphasis on their pets.
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  Speaker 1: Or you saw over and over and over again people's
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  Speaker 1: inability to come to obvious conclusions about why their pet
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: was acting how it is. Among the revelations I got
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  Speaker 1: from our thirty minute zoom session. Oh fantastic. This psychic
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  Speaker 1: doesn't even need to be in the same room as
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  Speaker 1: you and your pet. They can do it over zoom.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, pets can send brain waves over zoom.
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  Speaker 2: Everybody knows that.
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  Speaker 1: You're always so happy in trying to stay so positive.
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  Speaker 1: He really loves you for that, said the pet psychic
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  Speaker 1: as she acted as a conduit between Buddy's thoughts and
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  Speaker 1: feelings and my innumerable questions about his health and mental
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  Speaker 1: well being. You also don't let people take advantage of you.
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  Speaker 1: You're a tough cookie, is what Buddy said to the owner,
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  Speaker 1: and the owner said that was so great to hear it,
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  Speaker 1: because it proved that he had been paying attention.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, see I was okay, my dog seems
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  Speaker 3: sad and depressed. Well, do you take him for walks?
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  Speaker 3: Do you throw a ball to him? Not anymore?
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  Speaker 2: Not really? Well, that's why he said and depressed. I
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  Speaker 2: pictured more of that.
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  Speaker 3: Not your dog is congratulating you for being such a
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  Speaker 3: tough cookie.
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  Speaker 2: No, no, And.
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  Speaker 1: Then you feel like you've caught on to the kind
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  Speaker 1: of person I am. I have disciplined you properly that
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  Speaker 1: you realize, Boy, there's no getting one over on me.
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  Speaker 2: You have been paying it to Buddy, good dog.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I really wanted to better understand my relationship with Buddy
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  Speaker 1: and how he thought his life could be improved. During
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  Speaker 1: the video call, Buddy had some wild requests, like I
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: want to ride on a big boat. We're not boat people.
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  Speaker 2: Have I been? So?
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  Speaker 1: How did I get so off on that one? Your
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: dog is thinking he wants to ride on a big
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  Speaker 1: boat unless your dog has been near a boat or
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  Speaker 1: on a boat.
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  Speaker 3: And comprehended what one is and understood that one could
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  Speaker 3: ride on a different one at a different time.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, but if your.
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  Speaker 1: Dog is you have to do all of those things.
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  Speaker 1: But if your dog has never been on a boat
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  Speaker 1: or like other than walked in your like the Upper
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  Speaker 1: West Side, if I find it hard to believe your
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  Speaker 1: dog has come up with the concept of riding.
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  Speaker 2: On a boat.
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  Speaker 3: Last breath, he told me I never made it to Paris.
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  Speaker 1: So your dog is aware of the existence of something
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  Speaker 1: called boating and thinks he would enjoy it.
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  Speaker 2: At some point in the future.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, oh that is funny.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Full money parted.
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  Speaker 1: There were also more modest suggestions, such as, I'd like
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  Speaker 1: a bully stick is that a treat because as I
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: read it, because okay, I'm unfamiliar with that term.
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  Speaker 3: Well, Jack, it's more than a treat. It's a chee
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  Speaker 3: like raw hide. It is beef wang. Is it really
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  Speaker 3: a bully stick? Is a beef pennis?
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  Speaker 1: That's what I call mine, buddy, little circle. There were
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  Speaker 1: also more modest suggestions, such as, I'd like a bully
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  Speaker 1: stick by the fireplace before I die. This tracks completely
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  Speaker 1: in his early days.
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  Speaker 3: Before I die. Wait a minute, The dog's aware of
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  Speaker 3: its own mortality, Sheese Louise.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: He is stealing people's.
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  Speaker 1: Money, aware of mortality and voting right. Dog is really
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  Speaker 1: on top of it. This tracks completely in his early
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  Speaker 1: days with us. He would resource guard high value treats
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  Speaker 1: like bully sticks and hoods, so we stopped giving them
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  Speaker 1: to him. Oh really, your dog would kind of like
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: hide and like try to protect his treats. Nobody else's
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  Speaker 1: dog does that, So that's very interesting.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: Good lord, Wow, buddy, old buddy the boater. He is
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  Speaker 3: a unique and your money is well invested with his pet.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: What communicator?
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  Speaker 1: And you as a columnist for the New York Times,
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  Speaker 1: which means you've got to be pretty well educated and smart.
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  Speaker 1: Are writing this without a without a single hint of boy,
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  Speaker 1: people are gonna be nationally heard. Radio shows are gonna
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: mock me for this. It's so freaking ridiculous.
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  Speaker 2: Every word of it.
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  Speaker 3: Although picture the upscalish female New York Times reader, I
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  Speaker 3: could see a significant chunk of those, and generally childless
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  Speaker 3: or whatever. Manhattan Nights lap up every no pun intended,
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  Speaker 3: every you know, delicious morsel of this.
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  Speaker 1: God, What would I do if I met a woman
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  Speaker 1: and she seemed otherwise nice, but she started going on
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  Speaker 1: about the pet psychic and all the insights she.
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  Speaker 4: Got run the other direction.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I suppose I'd have to gently sayre her bank account.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I'd have to gently say you're fucking crazy and walk
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  Speaker 1: out of the restaurant. The pet communicator sent me a
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  Speaker 1: video recording of our time together, and I reviewed it
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  Speaker 1: to make a list of Buddy's most attainable wants and needs.
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  Speaker 1: Then to ensure that my plan for fulfilling my big
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: guy's biggest wishes was sound, I consulted with a different
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  Speaker 1: pet expert, dog behaviors or something like that. It's just,
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  Speaker 1: it's just it's absolutely amazing, and it goes on and
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  Speaker 1: on like that.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Wow, so he wants to learn how to paint. How
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  Speaker 3: do you?
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  Speaker 2: How do you?
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  Speaker 1: Even if you I'm a dog lover, I don't think
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  Speaker 1: dogs know about boating, just inherently.
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  Speaker 3: And again, knowing about it is only it's merely the
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  Speaker 3: first step in the cognitive chain towards you know what
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  Speaker 3: I would like to do someday? I mean, if we
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  Speaker 3: can make our schedules work, I would love to ride
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  Speaker 3: along on the surface of one of those things.
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  Speaker 1: Oh right, with the wind blowing through my ears.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, to be on a bait indeterminate, but soon, because
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  Speaker 3: I know I'm gonna die like all living creatures do.
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  Speaker 1: And see what breed am I? We aged about eight
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  Speaker 1: years compared to humans. I probably got a couple years left.
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  Speaker 1: So if I want to boat and enjoy a bully
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  Speaker 1: stick in front of the fireplace, we better get on it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, an ocean voyage and some bullcock.
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  Speaker 2: That's what I long for.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my god, her believe that that was coarse.
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  Speaker 1: And again they're the smart, sophisticated ones that read the
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  Speaker 1: New York Times.
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  Speaker 4: Oh you know what you do if you call up
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: a Pecan psychic and say I have a goldfish and
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  Speaker 4: he's trying to drown himself and see if he still
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  Speaker 4: takes your money.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I guess that's it.