Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Three Pillars of Parental Guidance and Spiritual Growth 4.5.26

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Three Pillars of Parental Guidance and Spiritual Growth 4.5.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  We've been going through this effort as a guide, as the
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  development of a person and really becoming roll around the
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  Jews. This is one of the big elements
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  is to analyze how to perform proper, which means proper
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  guides of our children, grandchildren, goes around us.
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  So we dealt with the theme of discipline, how important it is,
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  what the significance that he mentions about how the way
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  parents themselves act. It's probably much more
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  important than what they say, as we know, because it's a very
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  strange phenomenon. That is, the children end up
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  coming back to the way their parents acted.
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  Whether they claim to or plan to does not make a difference.
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  It's literally gravity. You end up one way or another.
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  You might be in a different world, might be part of a
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  different class. You might be the parents were
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  the parents were not observant and the children are very
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  observant. Doesn't make a difference.
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  They end up, one way or another, being in style very similar to
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  their parents and their character, the way they treat
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  people and the way they act very, very similar to their
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  parents. And therefore it's extremely
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  important that the parents are conscious of the ACT, especially
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  in front of the children. But you can't really hide.
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  So that means you act in general.
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  You want to have good kids. You have to shape up is
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  basically the idea. And the way we are, we ourselves
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  act. That's just a reality.
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  I happen to notice that there are parents and children that
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  are a completely different groups, which mean, let's say a
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  classic case. A father is a businessman,
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  regular businessman, he runs a big company and the son is a
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  learner called Elgai Rabbi. I have one case in mind that I'm
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  thinking about as I give you the example.
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  There are many of these, obviously throughout the
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  community, but what's very interesting is, is that the son
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  as a rabbi is very similar to his father as a businessman.
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  That means his father is extremely, extremely aggressive.
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  His son and learning is extremely aggressive.
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  His father is very caring, His son's very caring.
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  It's like elements that come out the same, even though they're
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  from completely different worlds.
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  Because no matter what the children copy their parents in
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  overall style, they're not going to live in the exact same world
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  that you and I live in because they grow up in a different
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  world. Maybe they have different
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  surroundings in a sense, so they go a bit of a different way, but
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  the overall style remains the same.
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  And therefore that tells us that we have to be very careful and
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  conscious about how we live our own lives if we want to have a
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  good effect on our children. That's the thing that he brings.
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  And I believe you've probably seen the same test and I've seen
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  the same results. But then he goes on to tell you
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  that he doesn't word as the biggest item, but I'll tell you
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  what's the biggest item. The number one most effective
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  tool for a parent outside of the way they act is tefillah prayer.
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  We talk about prayer all the time.
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  We're very busy with tefillah. We pray two times a day.
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  We pray on Shabbat in the holidays.
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  We spend a lot of time in Chul. All that is correct.
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  The most single most effective, powerful, a needy area a person
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  has when it comes to prayer in regarding to their children's
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  growth. That's it.
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  Praying for the children. The fact I've said this before
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  that I have a recording I bought Ausb and I have it playing in my
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  car. It was from a, a rabbi who was
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  the mosquito of liquid. I'm about to tell Solomon and
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  for some reason my old car told you this has some sort of
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  problem. And every time the call went on
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  that USB, if it was stuck into the car, it would play and it
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  would not only play, it would play in that certain spot every
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  single time. It was a little bit annoying.
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  Eventually it took it out, but it would play.
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  And what would it play? That this rabbi would say that
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  he heard from great rabbis that the number one greatest 2 for
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  Hinuk, he said the words the helium and tears.
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  The helium and tears, which means parents praying for their
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  children is the most powerful tool that they have in their
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  arsenal to pray, pray constantly.
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  That's how it works. I'm Koninsky saying this in his
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  book. He's saying that they feel loud.
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  Parents with children, it's very important.
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  I mean, every single day he says, do not miss a day.
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  And you should pray for your children and you should say, you
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  should say for Hashem. I want myself and my children
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  and grandchildren, my offsprings to be able to follow in the in
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  the right footsteps and to be able to go in the right
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  direction. So the tears and the prayer are
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  extremely powerful tools. Now.
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  I remember a story. His Ruby reembarmed Brian
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  Kanievski. His father was a Stifler, OK,
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  The Stifler was a great guy on himself, major books, a very big
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  deal on his own right, in a certain sense, even a bigger
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  deal than his son. And when the Stifler was an old
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  man and the son of Brian was 50 in his 50s, he used to say, I
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  don't go one day without praying for my son Chayan.
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  What's going to be with my son Chayan?
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  You're talking about the future. Go to our door.
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  Who already at that time in his 50s finished shots all the time
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  was already in his 50s able to be tested on anywhere in the
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  Torah. When I say anywhere in the
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  Torah, I used to have the following tests with his chosen.
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  Let me do this test. He he was no are going.
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  How do you play with his kids? What was his fun with his kids?
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  You know, he didn't play character.
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  He didn't play baseball. It wasn't going to work for him.
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  What was his game? He would let his kids test him
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  on certain tests. For example, they would ask him
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  this is that city. How with his kids, little kids,
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  he was in his age. They would ask him what's the
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  what's the word? And it tie it to the with the
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  longest letters and he would answer it.
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  You know the answer. I didn't know the answer.
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  It's a word to make him get out this tid but I'll stop and him
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  it's a word with 11 letters. His children would test him and
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  he knew the answer, right? They would ask him what's the
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  shortest mishnah? Tamu babli?
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  I mean, you have to know the entire shot.
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  That's the best answer. And he would say asara Mishnah
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  in the zealot. All right, the longest mishnah
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  and you have the answer, the shortest pedekateleim.
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  His kids would ask him the longest pedekateleim and he
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  would have the answer of every single one.
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  His kids were told test Daddy on all these questions.
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  The shortest Navi, the shortest peddick emission now the longest
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  peddick, on and on. He had every single answer.
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  That's how knowledgeable he was. He didn't just learn Chas.
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  He didn't just know Chas. He was able to answer as a
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  computer. All right.
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  He was your friend before you hide your friend, OK, He was
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  shot before you hide, Chad. And at that same time, his
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  father was still alive with saying about his son.
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  I pray for my son Chi. And what's going to be with my
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  son Chi? And what are you talking about?
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  The guy knows everything, but still the father prayed for his
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  son. And that theme tells you that
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  not only is praying for your children important, it's
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  important when they're little, they're young, when they're in
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  high school, when they graduate, when they get married, 2 get
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  married, when they have children on their own.
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  You pray. You pray constantly.
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  This should be on your mind every single day.
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  You should know, of course, you do know the name of every
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  grandchild, and you should pray for them too.
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  And it should be constantly on your mind.
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  Have to literally you are their wings.
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  We are living on the wings of our parents to Fila.
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  It's that simple. So therefore, we want our
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  grandchildren when they're facing a challenge and they're
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  dealing with something in work, you know what's going to get
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  them through it? Their parents prayer, their
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  grandparents prayer, that's going to get them through it.
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  To Fila that we put literally is the wings for our family and
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  should be on our mind every single day.
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  It's the most powerful tool of Renuk that you have.
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  After you being a good person is your Tefila.
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  In other words, you break it down.
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  Renuk is not how much I guide them because they're only going
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  to guide them so much. It's not how much I push them
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  because I can only push them so much.
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  It's not how much I hug them because I can only hug them so
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  much. You know what it is boils down
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  to tears. Tefila and how I act.
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  That's my 2 main tools of renuk. If you would ask anybody what
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  are the main tools of renuk, they would for sure say what you
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  tell them, how you preach, how you discipline, how you love
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  them. Not true.
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  The two main tools of renuk turns out are how you act and
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  how you pray for them. Everything else is very
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  important, but these two are the main 2 and if you've seen great,
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  great people grow up, it's a very good chance these are the
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  things that made them who they are, how their parents acted and
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  how exactly their parents prayed for them and should be literally
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  on the tip of our tongue. Every single Amidah should end
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  with at least I shouldn't please be there for my children in
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  general. And you want to get more
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  specific, get more specific. If your child there's a big
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  meeting that day, say that name. If your child has a dealing with
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  something, say that name at least.
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  And if you want say every name, everything we love, it's not
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  like we have a zillion children. It's a few.
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  They're all our whole life. We would give the world for
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  them. So we might as well pray for
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  them. That's what he's telling you.
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  And this is brought down in many sources.
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  And they have proofs that certain people, we pray for
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  their children very much. And children turned out to
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  become great people. They are both played for their
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  children. We know that.
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  And we have many other examples where they pray for their
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  children and they carried out in a great way.
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  Music tells you now we'll close with one last tool and then
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  we'll go into next week, hopefully.
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  The last tool is to get you, your children used to an idea.
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  Cold you got shamayim, fear of heaven.
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  It's a very distant idea. It's something that took us a
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  long time to get ourselves. But he says get your children
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  used to that tool. What is you got shamayim?
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  And why would I tell my children anything about fearing God?
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  Why is it a thing? What is fear of heaven?
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  Fear of heavenness. If you're in a private moment,
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  you're alone, there's nobody around, and you attempted to do
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  something that's not fully appropriate.
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  Are you attempted to use language in a reaction to what
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  something did to you? And you want to slam me at and
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  say, you know what, whatever. You want to drop a line And you
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  would never say in public, but you would say in private.
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  Fear in heaven controls that. Yad Jomayim says I can't say it
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  in public, so I'm not going to say it in private.
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  It's the same thing because God is with me in private.
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  Yad Jomayim says if I would never steal in public, I'm never
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  going to do something dishonest in private either because God is
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  with me in private. If I would never look at
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  something in public, I would never look something
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  inappropriate in private because I shine what's with me in
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  private. And it ends up Yad Jomayim ends
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  up molding your life to become and 100% successful life because
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  not only are you good in public, you're also good in areas where
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  you're alone. And that's so much of our life.
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  Who would I know that we see people that we officially know
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  and we know we don't know half the story of these people 'cause
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  we don't know what they do in their homes.
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  We don't know how they are and work.
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  We don't know what they do when they get angry.
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  We don't know what they do when they're around certain people
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  that are bad for them. We don't know the full story.
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  You have Shamayim. Fear of heaven allows them to
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  have a full story. So he's telling you as a parent
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  you want to get your children to be fully rounded.
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  You want to get your children to be careful from ever making
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  mistakes and to be on the right track to be good even when
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  they're alone, typically, even when they're alone with their
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  wife, when they're alone with their children, when they're
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  alone in the office, right, when they're literally alone with
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  themselves. You want them to be good people.
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  They need to get used to the idea that there's something
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  called fear of heaven, because without that, yeah, there might
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  be fear of government that's limited.
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  There might be fear of reputation that's also limited.
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  There might be a fear of losing their money or losing their name
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  or maybe getting into a fight. They're afraid of those things.
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  But there's still a lot of areas that they can say to themselves
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  as 0 repercussions 0. And act exactly the way I want,
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  right? And then they need to add to
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  that. Eat out your mind.
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  Otherwise you and I know many people who are nice people out
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  there, good people out there. I recently was revealed the
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  person that I thought was a fine person, and it turns out it
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  isn't very wrong. And you and I know such people
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  and what happens where they missing you're out your mind.
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  It's all about the fact that there's No Fear of heaven.
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  Fear of heaven filters into all the areas where there's nobody
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  else around and there's no one who's going to stop them.
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  And there's nothing that's going to shame them and there's
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  nothing they're going to lose if they act the wrong way.
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  That's where Shamayan comes in and tells you that might be
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  true. You know, you're the the closest
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  one you are to in the world is God.
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  And God's right here, he doesn't like their language, he doesn't
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  like that activity. He's not really fond of that.
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  You know what you're looking. He's not fond of the way we're
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  not being honest with money and it'll stop us.
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  So therefore the son from his parents needs to be raised when
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  you're out of your mind because you want your children to be
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  completely whole. You want them to be good
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  everywhere. So let them get used to the
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  idea. There's such a thing as Hashem.
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  We never ever, even though my brother dropped some some of
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  that those words in a speech last night, but we never really
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  say Gangnam in a speech, right? We don't do it.
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  It's not classic, it's not community.
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  We don't do it. You don't want to fear people
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  about Gangnam. It's it's scary.
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  It's not really going to do anything good for people fun.
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  But we do need our children to know there's such a thing called
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  punishment. There's such a thing called
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  repercussions. Life is not just all do whatever
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  you want and you're going to come around.
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  There's such a thing as making a mistake and there's something to
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  pay for it. You don't need to use Gangnam as
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  an example, but you do need to use the idea that the all
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  ramifications to your actions. If children grow up in a world
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  that there's no such thing and they will end up really do
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  whatever they want. And yet they're going to want to
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  have a good reputation because it's, well, it's nice to be well
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  known and well, like in the community, it feels good.
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  But they'll figure out the dance, sadly, where they can
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  have a reputation as to what they do, what they want.
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  Unless they carry you out. Sham.
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  I am. That's why getting used to the
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  idea of fearing God is so important.
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  And what does that mean? I'm aware that Hashem exists
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  everywhere. You know, the little child line.
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  Hashem is here, Hashem is there. Hashem is truly everywhere.
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  That is a reality that a child needs to know and an adult needs
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  to know. Sadly, many of those don't have
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  Yurajamayim and all they have is yurat pineadam.
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  We know the Gemara. When they came to the rabbi and
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  they asked the rabbi who was dying, they said give us a
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  braha. Give us a we'll close this, give
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  us a braha. What's a blessing?
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  A great rabbi was either tanah or amurah.
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  A man with ruach ha kodesh who probably had the Co-op to bring
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  back the dead. That's how powerful he was.
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  Or what bracha is the rabbi going to give his students?
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  I think it was a but I'm not sure.
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  What bracha did he give his students?
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  No, I couldn't have been him, but someone else, you know, the
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  blessing he gave his students was I bless you.
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  And you should fear Hashem as much as you fear man.
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  That's a bracha. A great rabbi gives great
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  students. You should fear God as much as
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  you fear man. If you ask us on a whim, who do
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  I fear more, God or man? I would be sure say God.
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  Of course I fear God more. Really.
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  Is that true? You say something funny, don't
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  you look around to make sure no one's looking right?
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  You do something a little wrong, don't you?
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  Make sure no one's watching you? Hey, one second, if you fear God
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  more than you fear man, you should look at God first before
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  you look at the routing, right? Obviously the natural
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  inclination of a great person is still to fear man more than God.
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  And that's why the rabbi blessed students and said, I want you to
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  fear Hashem as much, at least as much as you fear man.
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  And they said, that's it. He says, I wish, I wish my
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  blessing will come true because it's hard to imagine this, but
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  our heart will come true, which shows us that we have a long way
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  to go. Everyone has a long way to go
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  when it comes to you. That's your mind.
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  And that's what we want our children to get used to.
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  It doesn't have to be heavy. It doesn't have to include the
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  word Gaynam. It doesn't need to include
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  massive scary talk. But it needs to include the idea
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  that there's a sham everywhere and everything we do has Hashem
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  on vacation alone in the office when we're just alone with one
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  other person and we're alone with ourselves.
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  Hashem is here. He's really here.
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  And I don't want to mess up. If you get your children used to
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  that idea, how you do that, that's your own art.
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  If you get your children used to that idea and what I'm saying,
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  and it's a clear idea that they're going to become fully
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  well-rounded good Jews because not only will it be good in
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  public, good in chill, good when everyone's watching, they'll
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  also be good alone, alone, alone, and they'll be able to
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  say themselves. I can't mess up here because
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  it's same way. I would never say that Lauren
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  and shul or be around an inappropriate situation is shul.
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  Imagine the Bouchard right in the face.
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  They would be if it's shul, people saw them doing what
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  they're doing. I can't do it in private either.
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  It's the exact same setting. In fact, it's worse because it's
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  only God over here and he's watching me and I'm in big
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  trouble. You get used to that idea.
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  You'll be more zoned in to avoid any of these mistakes.
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  That's his team. Exactly.
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  That makes sense. Yeah.
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  She's a couple. Three concerts we have from
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  today. How the Parents Act.
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  That was reviewed from last week.
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  How their parents pray is really a dominant theme.
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  And what you, what makes your children who they are is how
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  much Tiffany you've given them. Literally, and getting your
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  children used to the idea that there's such a thing called
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  Hashem everywhere. You know how, Shamaya?
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  We'll keep them always acting the same.
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  And our best blessing is if I always chose you, how good and
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  private the way they are in public.
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  That's a very impressive thing. If you hear that he was nice to
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  some hazy case somewhere, you should be proud.
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  If you find out that they gave charity and nobody knows about
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  the charity, you'd be very proud.
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  You find out that they said something nice and there was
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  nobody else around, or they avoided a mistake, or they were
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  not willing to cheat on a certain bill because they just
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  wouldn't do something dishonest. Be very proud, that is.
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  That means they became fully grounded and that's all of them
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  ago. Alright, what's up with this?