Latest / Real STRength with Sarah Draper / The Success Trap Nobody Talks About | #9
Transcript
- speaker-1: Like you have a very strong internal moral compass for who you are. speaker-0: One of the first places I like to send people is in this area of being in service of others. Everything changes when you serve others, whatever capacity that is for you. speaker-1: Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Drapert. Each week on the podcast, I explore tools to help you lead your best now and into the future, and I talk with top leaders to see how they stay focused when life gets cluttered. It's time to stop reacting to your life and start leading it. Welcome to Future Walk. Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm Sarah Draper, and today I'm joined by AJ Jones. AJ is the founder of More, which is a science-backed program for high achievers experiencing what he calls numb success, which is when you've achieved everything you set out to do, but it no longer feels the way you thought it would. AJ has survived two widowmaker heart attacks, one in 2016. And another in 2024. And both times he walked away with this realization that you can be successful on the outside and still misaligned on the inside. Now, the future walk is about stepping out of autopilot to reconnect with what matters most. And AJ's story shows what happens when we stay on autopilot for too long or what could happen and why getting honest about misalignment. Cannot wait for a crisis. I'm excited to explore his journey, his work with more, his new book, which is powered by authenticity and comes out tomorrow, and what high achievers need to hear about alignment, radical honesty, and redefining success. AJ, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for being here. speaker-0: Sarah, it's great to be here. I'm super excited about this conversation and sharing some thoughts and ideas with you today. speaker-1: ⁓ that's wonderful to hear. So well, thank you again for being here. I would love to hear it since it's just starting, it's coming out tomorrow. Your your new book, Powered by Authenticity. maybe we can start there and you can share with us a bit about what this is about and we'll we'll get into your journey and experiences in life as it as it helps as we talk. speaker-0: Yeah. ⁓ thank you for for that question and that opportunity to talk about my book. I'm a debut ⁓ it will be my debut book, a first time author. Thank you. Thank you so much. ⁓ it's called Powered by Authenticity, What Nearly Dying Twice taught me about how to really live before it's too late. And ⁓ it comes out June third. ⁓ so yes, like as as we're recording this, we are about I don't know, whatever it isn't, a few hours away from this book being live and available to be purchased. So the genesis of the book ⁓ really hit me around May of 2024. I had just come out of my second widowmaker heart attack, which was April 13th of 2024. And I'd recently, just before that event, ⁓ started my company more. Which I think we'll get into a little bit later in this conversation. But anyway, so about two and a half months after I started more, I had this came home to an empty house after having been at the gym and stepped in the shower and felt a very pain painful and unwelcome sensation in my chest and very familiar, unfortunately, for me, as this was not my first. and ultimately at once I got out of the hospital and came ⁓ home and I spent quite honestly, Sarah, a fair amount of time in our garden on our patio. ⁓ so this would have been late April, early May of of 2024. And I would just watch the plants grow and try to get my arms around the fact that I'm now a two-time widowmaker survivor. And as I dealt with a lot of doubt and criticism of myself, like why me? Why again? What did I do wrong? ⁓ certainly took on, sadly, a bit of a victim mindset that I had to fight back and away from me. I had quite of a quite a pity party. I was glad to be here, but gosh, I was like, I was doing everything right since my first one. Why did this happen again? But in any event, the book. As I sat there and just tried to put this Humpty Dumpty back together again, I would think, God, what I need to I need to share what I've learned. My first heart attack was in 2016. My second one, as I've said, is in 2024. A lot happened between the two. I read a lot, I thought a lot, I contemplated so much. And one of the things I realized that in my mind, one of the truest sources of joy is when we honor our authentic truth. And if I could help people unearth what their authentic truth. speaker-1: Wow. speaker-0: truth is and explain to them why this is important and how they can honor it, it being their authentic truth, they could experience joy in ways that I have by truly being incredibly honest with myself about who I am and what I care about. And not so worried about what others care about or what I think what I think others care about. But what I truly in a no BS environment, like my non-negotiables, like this is it. And so I started writing the book. Again, first time author, I would sit outside and facing a wall of hydrangea plants, if you must know, and with my laptop on my lap and just started typing and typed and typed and typed. And anyway, so now I've got this was it, fourteen chapter book coming out and explores. Why authenticity is important and not only for you, but for your brain health, for your communities, for your resilience, for your compass that you need in life. And I introduce this notion of urgent authenticity. And you could it doesn't need a hopefully not a whole lot of explaining to to piece together what that means. But Is and again, shouldn't be any surprise coming from someone who's survived two massive widow maker heart attacks where on each event when I was on the operating table, I had a fully occluded left anterior descending artery both times. That I would want things to be urgent. And for you to or for one to my readers of the book to read this and understand that a minute not being truly authentic to yourself is in a way it's a minute of a small death and and really painting that picture. That now is the time and you can do it. And you why are we not really being who we are inside? I mean, yes, we have responsibilities, yes, we have obligations to meet. We all do. But there are ways that we can really bring our truth forward, our truth being our authentic truth that is unique to me, unique to you, unique onto anybody. And living it as urgently as you possibly can. speaker-1: Wow. Thank you. And that's a a minute of not being authentic to yourself is a minute of small death. speaker-0: I mean it's sort of harsh, right? And and it might prompt a few listeners to roll their eyes. But in a reality, if if you're not doing something that is true to you, that you love, right, what what then what is it? And and if if it's not what you love, then it's something you don't love. And if you don't love, then it's taking away from you. And then so in a way it is a death, right? And when when you introduced ⁓ I mean very thank you very much for that kind intro. We are it at my company more, we are infusing what we do with science. I have an amazing head of research on staff who's got a PhD of psychology ⁓ with a heavy emphasis in neuroscience. ⁓ she's Austrian, her name ⁓ Dr. Birgit Rockbauer. And she and I wrote a paper last fall exploring the power of of alignment to our purpose, to our overall physiological state. And the findings, and this we we use you know secondary information. We we didn't fund our own primary research, but looking at available information that's out there and a lot of interesting stuff coming out of Japan, quite frankly, is that when you are aligned to your purpose, research shows that all cause morbidity goes down. It's like demonstrated to have cardio protective benefits. So putting this all together for me, it's like, why are we not doing things that are really true to us? Again, I get we have obligations, I get we have bills we have to pay, I get all that, but there's still ways you can make it happen. And so, in any event, ⁓ I could pretter on and on about it, but that is the the genesis of the book, the why behind the book. ⁓ and yeah, and tomorrow we go live. speaker-1: That's exciting. Well, do you share would do you share your authentic truth? If so, are you willing to share that with us? speaker-0: Sure. absolutely. I mean, I think, huh, at the risk of of trying to make this ⁓ my own personal stage and ⁓ a chance to share my my life story, but when I think about my life as it's transpired since twenty sixteen when I had my first heart attack, ⁓ so much has changed and I've made incredible changes. ⁓ to move me closer to what what you just asked me. So let me set some context. I lived in the San Francisco area for many years. I'm a native Californian, even though now I live in coastal North Carolina. And I was in financial services. I zigzagged between ⁓ wealth management and asset management, working with firms like Wells Fargo and BlackRock and Schwab and that was what I did. I Commuted three hours a day round trip to get in and out of the office. ⁓ I was in reasonably pressured roles, you know, depending on the day or what how close we were to end of quarter or whatever it wasn't, but any event, visible and and so on and so forth. And but that's what I knew. I thought that's what one did. And after that f the first heart attack. I I laid in bed, Sarah, and I'm not even exaggerating. When I got home and out of the hospital, and I was like really like putting it all together in my brain, like, what the heck just happened? Yeah. What is going on here? I would lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I was put on leave for four months from work. super grateful for that. And those early days of recovery, I would stare at the ceiling and ask myself why I survived. I was mountain biking with three friends of mine up on the hills, the coastal hills of Northern California. And ⁓ it it hit me during a a climb. I had a plaque rupture. And ⁓ so I'm lucky. You don't walk out of a mountain biking ride with a have suffering at widowmaker and able to tell the tale. So what do I do with this incredibly precious second chance? And is it to go back to that old world, that three hour daily commute and that job ⁓ in corporate American financial services? ⁓ I needed guidance and I asked the universe day after day, please give me a sign. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do next? Our kids, we have two children and they were in middle school at the time. ⁓ do I become a stay-at-home dad? Do I r resign from financial services and become a teacher? Join the Peace Corps? Like, what is the deal here? What's the play? I need the play. And the universe answered like a lightning bolt to my soul. ⁓ I sort of affectionately call it my voice of God moment, where ⁓ I heard in no uncertain terms that I needed to use my story to help and inspire others. I was like, that is what I'm signing up for. I have no earthly idea what this means or who cares about my story and if it's going to help anybody, but I want to do that. It took me a while to figure out how to get there. But to answer your is is context to answering your question that you asked how about my authenticity, I'm speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: As I said earlier, native Californian. I had a very nice job and career in financial services. We lived in a nice area north of San Francisco over the Golden Gate Bridge in a place called Marin County. Super pretty. accessed all sorts of resources, outdoor space, trail. I mean, just the abundance of trails to explore is like an embarrassment of riches up there. and when I realized speaker-1: ⁓ it's so pretty. speaker-0: After my second heart attack, right about the time I started writing this book, I needed to make massive changes to be true to myself. And I need to ultimately leave the world of financial service. I just left before the heart attack, the second heart attack. But that metamorphosis, that chrysalis hadn't fully finished yet. And ultimately I decided I'm going to be an entrepreneur. I'm going to leave the world of certainty and a steady paycheck and ⁓ a bonus at the end of every year. ⁓ and and wander into the unknown because I think that's who I am now. And it just kept compounding. Once I made that decision and my wife was incredibly supportive, ⁓ that you know what, I'm gonna keep going. And for me to like for me to live my life without the stress of living in Northern California without a n nice income. We had to make changes. And that meant leaving the area, a place that I was born. And we'd lived for so long and we'd raised our kids, it was time to do something very different. And that involved moving to a lower cost of living market with a slower pace of life. And that was true for me. And even though I had to surrender my identity working in big corporate America with big name firms, leave my identity of living in Marin County. ⁓ leaving all our friends to do something that was truly important to me, which is to launch my business more and to get into the world that you and I are now in. ⁓ it was worth the sacrifice. I just it it was worth the sacrifice. And I used to, you talk about your freedom walks. Like I I walk every morning. ⁓ and ⁓ before we'd made the decision to move, ⁓ I would walk my usual three and a half mile walk every morning. And I started to ask myself, AJ What do you really need? What do you really need? Not what you'd like, not what you want, but what do you need? And when I did that for a few days, I got really honest with myself. And I realized like there's a lot of stuff here in my life I don't really need. And I think I'm okay with letting go of a lot of it. So I can go do what I need to do for me. Again, I'm very lucky I have a supportive life partner. ⁓ and so we've made that change. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Yeah. speaker-0: ⁓ and I walked away from that that professional life into a world that is entirely new to me. ⁓ and figuring out as I go. So I think, you know, that's one ex one example is like, you know, I I I'm walking the walk of what I talk about with people that that come to our our ⁓ our company more about you just gotta make make the changes to honor your authentic truth. Otherwise you're gonna be fighting with yourself constantly. Yeah. And it's just That's a fight that I don't want to have personally. speaker-1: Right. Those days are over. Those are those are past for you. You've got that alignment. I mean, it sounds like you have, at least now, a very strong internal like azimuth, moral compass or values-based, truth-based compass for who you are. Have you found how how did others beyond your wife, how did others take to your changes? Did you find anyone who tried to convince you otherwise? Or People largely supportive of you. Like those external pressures for some, for many of us, can almost be stronger, at least as strong as our internal one, when we're not well aligned, when we're not, you know, working for our authentic truth. ⁓ did you have any of that experience yourself with ⁓ what others thought having an influence? speaker-0: You know, it's interesting. It's a good question. And ⁓ as I think back to that time, I would say from twenty sixteen to twenty twenty-four, as I pushed more and more into the world I'm in now, I I I I'll be honest with you and with your listeners. Like a after my first one in twenty sixteen, I did go back. ⁓ I was working at Schwab at the time. I went back and realized after a few months that wasn't it, but ⁓ and I needed to honor this calling that I had to help and inspire others. But on the way out the door, literally, I got a call from a buddy who has a wealth management firm and he asked if I would be interested in joining him. And of course I said yes. And so I I didn't really take the leap that ⁓ at the time that I I thought I needed to or I was ready for. And there are reasons for that. Again, identity, the the requirement to provide for stability, is provide for my family and all that kind of stuff. but but to to get to your to your question and attempt to answer it, there were a few people who I would say weren't in the the AJ's circle of trust people. who you questioned like, wow, you really want to you want to walk away from this or how are you gonna more it was more like, how are you gonna pay for this? How are you gonna pay for college education? How are you gonna do this? How are you gonna do that? And I'm like, they didn't really have answers at the time until, you know, someone I actually had, I had ⁓ Met someone for coffee and we had a similar conversation and she's like, Well, you know what, AJ, everything is figure outable if you want to do it. You know what? I'm so glad you said that to me. Thank you. That like the sky the clouds parted when she said I'm like, Yeah, I can figure this out. but most people were were supportive. I mean, what are you gonna do? Tell a one time depending on when the conversation was a one time or two time heart attack survivor, don't do something that they believe in when with the chant the time they have left on this planet. Like most people were were were supportive. ⁓ and some even when I had a massive crises of faith, like what am I doing? As I started to launch into this, like it's not working. It's not at all how I'd planned it to be. I think I want to go back and almost to pretty much to a person people have said, don't. Don't. Mm mm. speaker-1: No. Have have you how have you noticed you've changed during your metamorphosis, your Chrysalis? Yeah. What are some of the things you've noticed about yourself? speaker-0: Happier. I'm much more at ease. Mm-hmm. I'm having more fun in my life. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: I sleep better at night. I you know, I suffered cr on and off chronic insomnia for many years. That's not an issue really anymore. I eat better. So there's a really cool thing that happens when you start, ⁓ and this came up in this research we did last year that I just mentioned. That this virtuous circle in life starts to happen. When you do something you love, you take care of yourself better, you eat better, you sleep better. And it's like a flywheel that starts going. Yeah. And I for sure have experienced that. Yeah. I I think we all care to some extent what other people think as much as we say, I don't care what other people think. I think we're all sort of guilty of it. But I've gotten much better about that. It's like I'm doing my thing. I got one shot at this, I'm gonna do it my way, you know. When you're gone, you're gone and that's it. So I don't want any regrets and I'm just gonna go for it. And I'll figure it out. 'Cause figure out speaker-1: Wow. So you said it's all figure outable. You said happier, more at ease. You have more fun. You sleep better. You make better choices. You've noticed these virtuous cycles. You know, because you make these choices and then you notice the impact. So you do it again and you repeat these positive behaviors. I mean, I'm imagining a lot of people right now saying, sign me up. I want that. I want that for my life. So what are some of the like what I know you have a process, right? You've got a number of different steps, you know, including well another's a number of steps. What what are you willing to or able to share with us in your framework or model that you use with more that can can benefit a person in even in like isolation, something they can do. speaker-0: Yeah. So it's all actually on our website, be more aligned.com. I I put it out there and there's six actually coming back to the book, the the methodology for more was born out of my book. So the book again is about driving towards your authentic truth and to how how to bring it forward and how to honor it ⁓ given your circumstances. As I was working on the book I started to have moments of inspiration around what the future of Moore's methodology should look like. And it's really a six-piece, I have six pillars to it. And the the design is a bit more of a a liberal arts approach than a very linear twelve-step approach like AA. You work step one, then you work step two, then you work step three. This is we've got six pillars. And we start at one place and then as you go through what you need to go through, you're gonna probably come back. I'd need certain elements of those pillars. So let me explain. The first pillar is established self-compassion. Mm-hmm. Now, this is coming from someone who was in finance his whole career. Self-compassion, I was like, ⁓ my god, this is so woo-woo. But the reality is it's so unbelievably freaking important to have the ability to give yourself Some grace, some love, some patience. If you are a high achiever in a stressful role with lots of responsibilities, this is the thing you probably are least doing in your life, would be my guess. Mm-hmm. And it causes you, I think, a great amount of suffering, which you can't really identify because you're so busy achieving for so many other people. But self-compassion, it's like building a house. If you have A house on a crummy foundation, guess what's going to happen to that house when a big storm hits? Right. I mean sorry. Apologies for the the shameless, obvious metaphor here. But self-compassion to me is about building a solid foundation that can withstand as you build your beautiful house on top of it, can withstand the storm, can withstand the hurricane, the tornado, whatever it is, if you if you'll allow me that metaphor a little bit longer. And so if you learn to give yourself that space, it's like a shock absorber. ⁓ when when when when difficult times happen for you. So that's the first the first step. Then we get into radical honesty. And this is something it's not like, you know, there's a book out there, radical candor, and it's about the being really honest with your team members and your staff and everything like that. This is about, again, driving to your own who you are as a person. Like I ⁓ instead of like, yeah, no, I'm I'm ⁓ This is this is w I wanna do this. Like, okay, are you really being honest with yourself? Are you just saying that to placate me, the coach, or your spouse, or what like what do you really want? And we start with values ⁓ in that discussion with radical honesty. But I think that's something that a lot of us need help with too, right? Because We make compromises to get the promotion. We get opportunities and we think we have to jump on them because, right? They don't come to everybody. And I just got this opportunity. Well, what do you really want? Do you really want that? Is that what you want in your life? The added stress or the relocation or the this or the that? Like, what do you really want? Let's build around that. Cause once we anchor on what you really want, things should get a lot easier. ⁓ and then we get into embracing change, embracing impermanence. ⁓ that's not easy for a lot of people. I don't think everybody wants to move across. I know you recently moved, into the states from the East Coast. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But how can you use like unfortunately, people see change as full of fraught with risk, right? And fraught with unknown. And it's not often embraced as a growth window. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: And and I think that that when times are tough or the changes is certainly in motion and you cannot guarantee or predict what's happening next, that's where we can grow the most. And it's actually this incredible chance to grow. So learning how to reframe your mind around that ⁓ instead of defaulting back into known patterns and familiar kind of plays, if you will, in your life. and then we get into inspiration work. Some people are just don't have ideas about what they want to do next, or they don't just need the the spurs to the ribs to to get going. So we do some work there. And then it's about redefining authentic success as the fifth pillar. And that is, you know, I fairly self explanatory, but it's, you know, for me, you know, going back to my personal journey, ⁓ my definition of authentic success, well, it's sorry, it's a little whatever, but it's being here. And and being alive. And and that's a big one. And then and then yeah, making the most out of this life. And but it's not the most money, it's the most impact. My ROI is return on impact for me. so it's redefining those goalposts that you're trying to kick the ball through. and then ultimately bringing it all together and using a Japanese framework called the Ikigai. Yep. Where where what you do and what the world needs and what you're passionate about or what you're good at rather and and what you can get paid to do ⁓ all line up in this four circle ⁓ Venn diagram. And the center of that is your Eki guy. And that's kind of the holy grail for our work. speaker-1: Thank you for for explaining all that. I've got a number of a number of notes on different pieces, which cause there's just so much profoundness to it. I mean, it's it's I I I think it's like s simplicity in its design, but really like extraordinariness in its connection, kind of like geekigai. And and so I I would love to go back to maybe the first part, the self-compass. passion part, right? When when you're not that way, when high achievers, like many of the folks listening to this, ⁓ are those high achievers that are doing what's been trained or modeled or expected of them to do along the way and and taught in different ways and following the path. And and it's from my own experience, it is hard to find self-compassion. ⁓ because I came from environments ⁓ where the the servant orientation of leadership was so ingrained it felt indulgent. Right. And so now sometimes I'll I'll talk with you know people about how how necessary as a foundational step it is to take care of yourself. But how do you help high achievers or others who have some type of misperception of of what it is to take care of themselves? ⁓ How do you help them get over that? speaker-0: Well, I mean, there's a this is oversimplification, but it's like how do you treat a friend? And when when you I I don't know about you, Sarah, but for me speaker-1: Uh-huh. speaker-0: In a given time window, whatever, a week, a month, it doesn't matter. But I get ten compliments about my work. I'm like, okay, that's nice, that's nice. And then I get one criticism. It is like the world is torched. Like it's ending. I've ruined everything. Yep. This is literally me in my old the patterns that I've had to break. Like it's it's all I I would obsess over it. I would go break into cold sweats. I wouldn't sleep. I'm like, ⁓ my God, I got criticized for this thing. They all think I'm awful. speaker-1: Focus on that. Absolutely. speaker-0: ⁓ and I'd beat myself up. Like, you're an idiot. You should have planned better, you should have communicated better, you should have seen the, you should have proofread it better, whatever the issue was. And is that is that what I would say to a friend who showed up on my front door and was just kind of falling apart? I'd be like, Yeah, you should have sorted that out. You should have been on top of this better. Like, no. I'd invite that friend in, I'd sit him down, I'd offer him a glass of water, maybe a box of tissues, I'd put might put my arm around him, give him a hug, whatever, tell them they're great, like, you know. Everybody has a bit of a rough patch and but it's it's never as bad as you think and all this sort of stuff. And I that's like is as silly as and s as simplistic as it sounds, it's but it's valuable. speaker-1: Yeah, it's neither silly nor simplistic. speaker-0: Yeah. You know, are you treating yourself like you would treat a friend who, you know, needed some support? speaker-1: Really need some support. ⁓ that's great. Thank you. and then on to the ⁓ another thing I wrote down is the values person, right? You're driving who you are as a person. ⁓ I was just having a conversation about values earlier. And and ⁓ so this is the theme for my day, I think. And so values, golly, do they what have you found? Do they shift? What happens when someone's building something and the values start to shift? How do you how do you deal with those changes? speaker-0: Yeah, they they absolutely do change and we should expect them to, right? Like what were your values when you started your career? Presumably in your early twenties, ⁓ versus what are they today where wherever you are age wise? ⁓ They're gonna shift. I think when you start out, it's about well, I don't know, I can't speak for everybody, but I'm just being very general generalistic, like, or generalizing rather, like it's about building ⁓ building ⁓ credibility, earning money, ⁓ establishing yourself, etc. And I think when you get older, it's maybe less that. It may might be more about having fun or making an impact or some of these other things. And I think that that's totally natural. ⁓ you know, one of the workshops we do it more, it's called the reset. And it's all about your your values. And we compare the values in your head versus the values in your heart and why theirs could be different. And and and when they are different, what does this mean? ⁓ and how to how to organize them ⁓ so that you have a good a good five to work with from both those ⁓ sets of values. So yes, they do change. ⁓ as you get older, your perspective shifts, you know, mortality comes into focus a bit more and you start realizing what's really important to me at this stage in my life versus when I was just trying to get going and get credible and, you know, established and seen as, you know, someone who does a great job at whatever my profession is. speaker-1: Yeah, great. Thank you. the and then the Ikigai, right? That's I I talked about it not too long ago on the on this podcast as well, kind of like as a one of many different life design philosophies or principles. But I did note at the very beginning of this, you talked that a lot of your research you're finding is coming out of Japan. So what do you what do you think is happening, right? We've got this emerging research, we've got ikigai and and and the concept of of living your ikigai. Do you get up every day and think I'm gonna live my ikigai? Like how do you ⁓ apply that in your own life? speaker-0: Well, I'd like to think I'm living my Iky guy every day right now. ⁓ I'm doing what I love. ⁓ I d I I think I'm doing what the world needs. I can get paid for it. I mean, these are critical elements of of the Iky guy. And I think ⁓ coming out of Japan speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: I think there were two studies we saw when we wrote this paper. But if you're familiar with the blue zones work, yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot that's sort closely linked to the blue zones around Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you nailed it. Yep, yeah, exactly. Around community and taking care of others and doing s doing something purposeful every day. And I think these are elements of that e key guy that feed into it. I believe. And I might be totally out of line here, but that's what I believe. speaker-1: Genau speaker-0: And so I think that that that there's a lot to learn when you look at where centigenarians are living in the blue zones and Okinawa, like w why is this the case? What is unique? And and those are some things that came out. I mean, having watched the Blue Zones ⁓ documentary on ⁓ docusaries on Netflix and and then sort of seeing what we were get getting out of the research, like there's absolutely something to this. and I think In America, like in our system, in our society, right, like what's rewarded? Like s what is success? Success is what are the markers? Money, house, vacations, status cars in the driveway, ⁓ pip private school for your kids, whatever whatever they are. I mean, I think those are not what's seen over as is is a marker of success in those communities where you are seeing that incredible longevity. ⁓ so I think that that's that's super that is is it's super important. And to be honest with you, Sarah, like so I went to Birgit, I've mentioned her before, head of research, and I said to her, This is ⁓ last August, and I was like, Birgit, I don't know how to put my finger on this, but something's going on with me. And we we you and I just talked about this. speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: few moments ago. Like how have things been different for me? I eat better. I feel lighter. I sleep better. I'm in a better mood. Like things just feel better. But what is going on? Like there, you're the you, Birgit, are the the the psychologist and the neuroscientist. Like what is the deal? And so we did this research and and it's just like this is why we do the work that we do, because as we bring the science into you know, I bring the The rah-rah inspiration, two-time survivor, you know, let's go, urgent authenticity. ⁓ why aren't you making these changes to live a better life? You know, Birgit brings the science ⁓ into it. And to know when we did this research and it it proved out that like you are feeling better because physiologically things are improving. Your neuroplasticity in your brain is being is evolving as you. start d tr teaching yourself new tricks as it were. You can teach yourself you can't teach an old dog new tricks, right? Through the form of neuroplasticity. And I was eat I'm I'm eating better, I'm sleeping better. So everything is just speaker-1: Better choices, yeah. Yeah. Great. I love that. Thank you. So with the you know, thinking about Yikigai and the the component of well, what you just shared, but also this, ⁓ you make these better choices, right? So better for yourself, better for the people around you, better for the planet, better for all these things. And and there's a sense of community that that comes in with all of that as well. And I would Love to hear the impact your changes have had on the people closest to you. Right. I think there's a strong ripple effect we can have on or we do have on other people, whether it's positive or negative, right? Our our energy, our decisions, our actions impact other people and extends out. So, like your ripple effect, what what have you seen in those around you? speaker-0: Well, I from from a heart attack perspective, I know there are a fair amount of people who ⁓ have observed my way of life now, how I eat, what I don't eat anymore. You know, I gave up drinking and all this stuff. So they I I definitely have people who come back to me and be like, Okay, I work out more, I don't eat red meat and red meat includes beef lamb and pork. ⁓ I've made you know, I g I've I've toned down drinking, you've inspired me to To stop it on the alcohol front or whatever it is. So I I do see these behaviors change and they they attribute it to me, which I'm very flattered by. ⁓ no one from my old community back in Marine County has pulled up stakes and moved someplace so that they can live their dream. Maybe staying there is their dream, but I'm I know in the c private conversations I've had with a fair number of people, it's it's not their dream to stay there and have the career they have, but they feel trapped by it. ⁓ and I think, you know. When I see someone, you know, pull up their tent w back there and go move, I'll hope that I had something to do with it. And they have made really good decisions for themselves. Yeah. ⁓ but you know, honestly, Sarah, like my whole thing is I'm just gonna live my life. I'm gonna do it my way. I'm gonna put a book out there, I've got a podcast, I've got my business. I'm living in a entirely new place, which is really fun because you know, my wife and I, we've gone from living in autopilot to live we we we have a game console, if you will, and we've taken the switch and gone from autopilot to adventure mode. And it's super exhilarating ⁓ where everything is new and you're meeting people and checking out the new restaurants and understanding the traffic patterns or whatever it is. I really enjoy that. So I hope that those that listen to this or have known me in my past will be inspired and know like, hey, it can be done and change can be good and it's not that scary and you know it too, Sarah, right? Like it can be done. speaker-1: It can be done. So what is to wrap up, what is one kind of someone's listening right now who's going, Okay, I c I can't move all the way across the country. I can't but I want to do something. Like I recognize myself in this. What's one thing that person can do? speaker-0: Mm. speaker-1: Go to your website because you put all the chat there. I know you're looking deeper, or not deeper, but differently. speaker-0: Yeah, okay. Right, exactly. Yeah, go to our website be more aligned dot com. but I I think The first thing it it depends where people are in their journey and how ready they are. I I think there are a lot of people who are sitting there and go, I don't know what my purpose is. and I think that that's a that's an interesting place to start. ⁓ and it's some heavy work and it's not always obvious. But one of the first places I like to send people is in this area of of being in service of others. Because I think Everything changes when you s when you serve others and whatever capacity that is for you. Even, you know, I I have this notion of of this saying that I say well, of course everyone says this make someone's day. But to me it's like, what can I do today to just make someone's day? It doesn't have to be any big grand gesture. It could be or it could just like sending a text to someone that I haven't been in touch with for three years and let ⁓ letting them know I'm thinking of him or her or ⁓ buying coffee for the person behind me in the coffee shop line, you know, and just walking out without a thank you, without any engagement or stuff, just little things like that. Like, could it just start a ripple effect for others and and see how that feels and see how that feels. But that's just like for people who are looking for for for purpose. But if even in your if it's not going to be a wholesale pivot in your career that's not feasible, I get it. You can still reframe your relationship with your career. And you can find ways to, you know, go through do an energy audit. Here's a place that I'd start. Do an energy audit and get a piece of paper and put a line right down the middle and write down all the things that light you up, things you love that bring you just an incredible amount of energy and purpose. And then write down all the things that just weigh you down and just are. Energy destroyers, innovators, as it were. See which of those you can eliminate. Maybe it's a meeting that you're on a board and you don't really need to be on that board anymore. Maybe it's you're involved with your HOA and you can get off that. Maybe it's whatever it is. I have no idea. maybe take a step in the today and and find one of those items that's just destroying your your energy and your momentum for where you want to go and eliminate it. speaker-1: Great. Thank you so much. Energy audit, reframing relationship with your career, being in service of others, ⁓ and and like working towards that broader purpose. All wonderful ways to start. So thank you, AJ, so much for being here and sharing your story and your wisdom with us. ⁓ your work with more, with helping others who are like You were like I was, right? High achievers get honest about any misalignment before the crisis comes to them. It's important now, it's important always. ⁓ but I think it's it really resonates because we hear more and more about people ⁓ not even having the self-awareness to recognize some of the warning signals and burnout and all these other things happening. your message is loud and clear that we we don't need Our own wake up call to change our lives ⁓ for the better, to help others. Again, going back to what you just finished with there, like doing your energy audit and being in service of others. ⁓ so, so, so powerful. So thank you again, everyone who's listening. You can find AJ at bemorealigned.com and just take take some time, explore his website. It is Full, full, full or their website. He's got a whole amazing team. It's full of resources and things to help you to be that positive Ripple effect out there in your life as well. And if you are finding value in this podcast, I ask that you follow it so you don't miss any future episodes. And I would love to hear from you specifically on this one. ⁓ please leave a comment about what you got out of this conversation with AJ, what resonated most with you. Remember, you can find him at bemorealigned.com. So this week, as you head out into your week this week, ask yourself: am I living on autopilot or am I living with intention? Right? Notice if things feel aligned or misaligned. And then get honest about what's no longer working for you. And head out on a future walk and you'll see what becomes clear. So thanks for joining us on the Future Walk podcast. And hopefully, Hope you have great week and enjoy your walk.