Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing Your Boss Social Media Boundaries
Transcript
- Lucas: Let me set the scene. It's a Tuesday afternoon, you're at your desk, and your phone buzzes with a notification. You open Instagram, and there it is: your boss has sent you a follow request. Luna: That moment of panic. Do you accept it and let them into your personal life? Or ignore it and risk an awkward conversation at work? Lucas: Exactly. And this isn't a hypothetical. I was talking to a marketing manager at a mid-sized ad agency in Chicago — let's call her Sarah. Her CEO requested to follow her personal Instagram. She accepted out of obligation. Within a week, he was liking her vacation photos and commenting on her dinner posts. Then the DMs started. Luna: Work-related DMs on Instagram? Lucas: Yes. On a Saturday night, he messaged her about a client presentation due Monday. She felt she had to respond. And that's the problem — once you accept that connection, the boundary dissolves. You're essentially giving your boss a backstage pass to your personal time. Luna: So what do you do when the request comes in? You can't exactly hit 'decline' and pretend it didn't happen. Lucas: Right. But you also don't want to hand over your digital life. One option is to create a separate professional presence. A lot of people I've spoken with maintain a 'work-friendly' Instagram — a secondary account that's curated, maybe just professional content or interests. Their personal account stays private, for close friends and family only. Luna: That's smart. But not everyone wants to manage two accounts. And some bosses might take offense if you set up a separate account just for them. Lucas: That's real. The other approach is to accept the follow but set expectations early. Sarah eventually told her CEO, 'I'm glad we're connected, but I try to keep my weekends for family time, so I might not respond to work messages until Monday.' She said it calmly, in person. And it worked. Luna: She basically set a boundary without making it about the social media itself. She made it about her availability, not about whether he should be on her Instagram. Lucas: Exactly. The key is to frame it around your own work style, not their behavior. You're not saying 'stop messaging me,' you're saying 'here's how I work best.' It's harder for them to argue with that. Luna: And if the boss is the type who doesn't take hints? What if they keep sliding into your DMs on weekends? Lucas: Then you may need to be more direct. But you can still keep it professional. One phrase I've seen work well is: 'I'm happy to discuss this — let's loop it into our Monday morning check-in so I can give it my full attention.' That way you're not ignoring the message, you're just deferring it to work hours. Luna: That's a good script. It acknowledges the request without rewarding the after-hours intrusion. Lucas: Right. And honestly, if today's conversation helped you think through your own boundaries, that's the link — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. We keep this show ad-free, and listener support is what makes that possible. So if it was worth a coffee to you, that's where you can find us. Luna: Yeah, it really does help us keep doing these deep dives. And we appreciate it. Lucas: So back to boundaries. The real challenge isn't just the Instagram follow — it's the broader pattern of bosses who treat personal channels as extensions of the office. And that's becoming more common as remote and hybrid work blurs the lines. Luna: I've seen data on this. A 2025 survey from the Society for Human Resource Management found that nearly 40 percent of employees reported their manager had contacted them on personal social media about work. Up from about 25 percent in 2020. Lucas: That's a significant jump. And it's not just Instagram. LinkedIn is an obvious one, but I've heard stories about bosses texting on WhatsApp, sending Facebook messages, even liking tweets and then bringing up those tweets in one-on-ones. Luna: The tweet thing is uncomfortable. 'I saw you tweeted about industry trends — what did you mean by that?' Suddenly your casual opinion becomes a performance review topic. Lucas: Exactly. So the principle here is: decide in advance where your line is, and communicate it proactively, not reactively. Don't wait until a boss comments on your beach photo to figure out how you feel. Luna: What about the boss who doesn't follow you but still finds your content? Maybe through a mutual connection or a public account. Lucas: That's a tougher scenario because you have less control. But you can adjust your privacy settings. Make your account private, or limit past posts. And if a boss brings up something they saw publicly, you can say, 'Oh, I keep that account for friends and family — I didn't realize it was visible to colleagues.' That puts the onus on them a bit. Luna: It's diplomatic. You're not accusing them of snooping, but you're signaling that it's not intended for work. Lucas: Exactly. And if the company has a social media policy, that can be your shield. Many organizations have guidelines about not connecting with direct reports on personal accounts. You can reference that if needed. Luna: But not all companies have that. And even when they do, not all bosses follow it. Lucas: True. So ultimately, you have to be your own boundary enforcer. And it's uncomfortable. But the alternative — letting your boss into every corner of your digital life — is worse. That's where burnout starts. Luna: One thing I've heard from listeners is that they worry about seeming difficult or unapproachable if they set these boundaries. Especially early in their career. Lucas: That fear is real. But here's the thing: boundaries actually signal professionalism. They show you take your work seriously enough to protect your ability to do it well. A boss who respects you will respect your boundaries. A boss who doesn't... well, that tells you something, too. Luna: Right. And if the boss gets offended by a simple boundary, that might be a red flag about the broader work environment. Lucas: Exactly. So to wrap this up: the next time that follow request pops up, pause. Think about what you're comfortable with. You can accept and set expectations, decline and explain, or create a separate space. The important thing is that you make the choice, not just default to 'yes' out of obligation. Luna: And if you've already accepted and now regret it, it's never too late to reset. A simple conversation can go a long way. Lucas: Absolutely. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.