Latest / DA CREW Podcast / SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_BONUS SHOW_HOST TRVEDA HARRIS
Transcript
- 0:02A person person. All things ain't what they used to be. Where you
- 0:13know the blue Sky's fo boys in blue from the North South things whoa persons,
- 0:28all things and what they used to Dallas for work A A L A
- 0:35c. The Chance of your Dream Book Tour in Expo is coming to your
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- 0:56They're gonna be teaching on Brandon marketing and network. I want you to
- 1:03plan to be in the building, to be educated, in power, in
- 1:07in charge, come out support. Aspiring Authors Magazine is a founding sponsor for
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- 1:26of twenty twenty by Queen Angela. Get featured at Wings of Transformation Publishing.
- 1:33We are committed to helping our authors reach their goals and pursue their dreams of
- 1:38becoming published authors. We work closely with each author to ensure a successful publishing
- 1:44experience, and we are dedicated to helping them tell their stories in the most
- 1:49meaningful and impactful ways. We look forward to putting you on the path to
- 1:53writing your book. Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Crew
- 2:07podcast. I am the Visionary Queen Angela and welcome to season two. I
- 2:15want to thank you for tuning in and for all of your support throughout season
- 2:20one. We're back them devas up the airways, so thank you for joining
- 2:28us tonight share this with you. Good evening and welcome to Believe in the
- 3:07Journey podcast where I am your host, Trevita Harris, and it is Resurrection
- 3:13Sunday, and I thank you guys for taking the time to tune in with
- 3:15us tonight. As always, you know that I cannot do anything without going
- 3:21to God in prayer, so let's go to Him first and then we'll get
- 3:23started with my guest, Miss Bridget Green, and we're gonna talk about neurodiversity
- 3:29and we will go from there. But I thank you so much for tuning
- 3:31in. Dear Lord, thank you for your son giving his life today for
- 3:38us to begin new life and new hope and everything that we do. Let
- 3:44the words of my mouth tonight and be comfortent to those and let them take
- 3:49away the information that they need so that they can still go to You and
- 3:55everything that they do and your precious and holy name, Jesus, we pray.
- 4:00Please welcome miss Bridget Green to the show. Thank you, Thank you
- 4:04for having me, Thank you for being here. Now I want you to
- 4:10tell us a little bit about you. First. Well, my name is
- 4:14Bridget Green. I am a coach and therapist. I enjoy working with couples.
- 4:20I work mostly with neurodiverse couples, but I work with all couples.
- 4:27I also teach in our local jail, and I can teach women and I
- 4:31enjoy doing that also. Okay, well, thank you for being here,
- 4:36and can you give the guests that are listening a brief definition of what neural
- 4:43diversity means. Neural diversity is simply a brain that hears and sees things differently,
- 4:49so you take in things differently and you give out things differently, meaning
- 4:55that you might have something you want to say in your head, but when
- 4:59it comes out, it might be totally different than what you imagined that you
- 5:02said. And it includes people who have different things. Adhd add high functioning
- 5:11autism, remembering that high functioning, remembering that autism goes from one spectrum to
- 5:16the other end of the spectrum. And so there are people who are genius
- 5:21level thinkers, but they have what you would call high functioning autism, and
- 5:29emotion is hard for them to understand, to read, to experience. And
- 5:34so if you have a partner with newer diversity, you're saying one thing,
- 5:41they're probably oftentimes saying the same thing, but because of the way it's said,
- 5:46your brains aren't meeting. So when I work with the couple, I'm
- 5:49trying to give them skills interventions that help them to get through it and understand
- 5:56what one partner is trying to say to the other. Do you find that
- 6:00it's difficult when you first meet a couple to identify which partner has the issue
- 6:08in which one doesn't, or is it sometimes both of them. Well,
- 6:13usually they've come in to me because they've identified Okay, a person has it.
- 6:17Now with adults, some will say I don't want to be tested,
- 6:23but I believe I fall under this. For an adult, I can go
- 6:26along with it. I'm like, okay, let's just work with your signs
- 6:29and symptoms. But when you have children, they need to be tested.
- 6:32Adults are concerned about a label that they'll put a label on me, which
- 6:39is okay, but I don't fight it now. So they're coming in they
- 6:44believe this is what's going on. As I work with a couple, Yes,
- 6:47sometimes I will say to the other partner, have you ever been tested?
- 6:54Because I'm seeing some things? So sometimes it comes down to yes.
- 6:58In the end, they're both using the coping skills because of neurodiversity. Is
- 7:04it something that they can be tested for at any point or is there like
- 7:11certain I want to say, certain skills that they notice. Are is there
- 7:18an early age in which they noticed it about themselves? What type of coping
- 7:24skills that they've been getting through life using. Usually what goes on is that
- 7:30a person with neurodiversity is working. They're masking. And masking is when you
- 7:36learn to walk through life like you see other people walking through life, but
- 7:42it's a struggle for you because that's not the way your brain works. And
- 7:46oftentimes there's so much masking going on that parents don't see it and teachers don't
- 7:51see it. They think the child is operating well, okay, So that
- 7:58child becomes an a oh who learns these skills. And I have had clients
- 8:05seventy years old who are just being tested, who have felt they were out
- 8:09of step in life all their lives and are just now saying, okay,
- 8:13I've found a name for what is wrong with me. They think something's wrong,
- 8:18and I correct them and say, it's not damage. You're just different,
- 8:24that's all. You're different, And here are the coping skills. So
- 8:28that's why I say, for your child, it's so important that if you
- 8:31see things that they are tested, because trying to mask for a child often
- 8:37joks up as a child who has difficulty learning. Because let's say that they
- 8:43stem, which is doing something when you're often anxious, or sometimes you just
- 8:48do it and say. What they do is their fingers like this. When
- 8:52that hits them in class, they're sitting there saying to themselves, don't stem,
- 8:58don't move your fingers, don't move your fingers, don't move your fingers.
- 9:01The teacher's teaching a lesson. They're not listening to the lesson because they're
- 9:05trying to talk themselves out of moving their fingers. So they are, but
- 9:09they think it's normal. And the teacher asks the student, well, okay,
- 9:15so what do you have to say about it. Nothing. I don't
- 9:18know. I didn't understand when in reality they weren't paying attention because they were
- 9:24just trying to appear socially. Okay, Okay, what age would you recommend
- 9:31a parent getting a child tested the first time they see a sign or a
- 9:35symptom and it's something that continues, not oh, yesterday they did this,
- 9:41but something that you see over and over again, I would recommend having your
- 9:45child tested, okay, and letting them know that it's it's not you,
- 9:50You're just everybody's brain works differently. This is just how your brain works.
- 9:56Okay. I can say that for talking about this having ki malformation, some
- 10:03of the things that the way my brain operates, especially now after having a
- 10:09stroke and being diagnosed with Kori malformation, the way that I see things and
- 10:18the way that I communicate with people is a little different. I'm not sure
- 10:24if I'm on that side, are not, But the way that I retain
- 10:30information now is totally different than it was prior to my stroke and prior to
- 10:37this diagnosis. And so sometimes when I'm communicating with people, if I'm thinking
- 10:43about too many things at one time, I'll forget what I'm trying to communicate,
- 10:50and it's like, Okay, I know what I'm trying to tell you,
- 10:54but right now I've gotten sidetracked in the midst of trying to tell you
- 10:58what I need to tell you, and then I have to come back.
- 11:01And so it's like I pick up a conversation meant conversation to go back to
- 11:05their original thought that I was having. Well, I was trying to tell
- 11:09you. Is that something that's part of this? Yes, it often can
- 11:16be. I have clients they'll say I want to tell you something, and
- 11:18they'll start and then they'll go off on something else. And usually if it's
- 11:24short, I'll let them go off on something else, and then there was
- 11:28a minute, and I'll say we were talking about C and so then they'll
- 11:31come back to it. They know that I recognize what just happened. But
- 11:35if they're going on and on and on, I'll often say, let me
- 11:39ask you something you wanted to talk about C Now? Is that still where
- 11:43you want to be? Or you, oh my gosh, for did I
- 11:46don't know why I talk about this? So they have to come back to
- 11:52the subject. They will they will go off on something else. So that
- 11:56is something that okay part of it, Yes, Okay, I definitely find
- 12:01myself, especially when I'm like so busy and I have so many things that
- 12:05are going on because I work in an urgent care facility and so there's often
- 12:09times so many different things happening at once, and it's like, Okay,
- 12:16I'm telling one person to do this, this person needs to go here.
- 12:18Someone's asked me a question in the middle of me finishing one task, and
- 12:24so it's like, Okay, what was I telling you? Okay, this
- 12:28is what we were supposed to be doing. Okay, let me finish this
- 12:31and then I can go on and do that. So oh my gosh,
- 12:35that is that sounds like a day in my life every day because I find
- 12:41so doing that so much because there's so much going on from the time I
- 12:48walk into work until the time I leave for work, and it's like,
- 12:52Okay, did I even complete a task at all? And I find myself
- 12:56that I've completed the task, but did I complete it in the timeframe that
- 13:03I wanted? Did I follow all of the steps? And usually I have,
- 13:07but it's like it's overwhelming. It's very overwhelming, and that's part of
- 13:13what people who are neural diverse are dealing with not only is it overwhelming,
- 13:18but being misunderstood. So imagine having a partner. You had a whole speech
- 13:24in your head, and now you think you've said what was in your head,
- 13:28but you said something different, and now there's an argument about to happen.
- 13:35Yeah, And so the thing is, I tell couples all the time,
- 13:37neural diverse or not neural diverse, ask for intent, be curious.
- 13:43Ask when your partner says something that offends you, don't just get offended.
- 13:48Also ask what did you mean by that? That set so many arguments because
- 13:52when your partner says, well what I meant was a B and C.
- 13:56Oh okay, well you said something totally differ. That's so important that you
- 14:01ask questions. Even those people that work with you too, they learn to
- 14:07ask questions. Don't just say well, I'm just I'm mad. No,
- 14:11ask questions. That's very important. Yeah, that's what I say. And
- 14:16my thing is, I'm big on asking questions for clarity because I know sometimes
- 14:20I may misunderstand the intent that someone had when they were asking a question or
- 14:26making a suggestion or something of that sort. Because we can always ask a
- 14:31question, but or say something and the intent be taken the wrong way because
- 14:37of the way the person heard it, and sometimes even the tone of voice
- 14:41in which something is said. And so I know I annoy people a lot
- 14:46because I ask more questions when I don't quite understand what it is that they're
- 14:50asking of me. So I will ask the question again, and I may
- 14:54reward the question just so that I can understand it a little better. Is
- 14:58that some thing that is like a coping mechanism, That is that's a coping
- 15:05skill that I'm going to ask these questions. I'm going to get clarity.
- 15:09See, that's a positive coping skill because not going through life all of your
- 15:15life and just being a little out of step, that's emotionally draining, that's
- 15:20emotionally difficult. You walk around on eggshells all the time, worried if you're
- 15:26doing the right thing now. I had a client who said he was so
- 15:31happy when everybody had to work from home because working in the office is so
- 15:37difficult for him. And he said, you know, I want to share
- 15:41something with you. He said, it took me a long time to understand
- 15:46when people say what are you doing for lunch, that they're usually asking me
- 15:50do I want to have lunch with them? He said little things like that,
- 15:56like I didn't understand that for a long time. So people would say,
- 15:58what are you doing for lunch? Well, it's eleven o'clock. I
- 16:00don't have lunch until one. I don't know, and he would just walk
- 16:04away, and then people say he's not very friendly. Well, he said,
- 16:10I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. They're asking me,
- 16:12I don't know. But then he said, I began to realize, oh,
- 16:17they want me to have lunch with them. So he'd say, I
- 16:19don't know yet, what are you doing? Yeah, let's have lunch together.
- 16:25But then now he's dealing with all of this anxiety because I'm going to
- 16:30have to have a conversation with them at lunch. Ye, So he's just
- 16:33he was just anxious all the time. He said, it worked because of
- 16:38little things like that. Yeah, And I can definitely agree with that point
- 16:44right there, because it's I have one coworker that is consistently asking what are
- 16:49you doing for lunch? And I'm like, it's ten o'clock, I have
- 16:53no idea what I'm doing for lunch, Like did you bring lunch? And
- 16:57that's usually my follow question, did you bring lunch? Are you gonna order
- 17:02something? And she's like, I don't know, I'm just hungry right now.
- 17:06I'm like, okay, well come back to me when you think about
- 17:10what it is, because I can't follow you right now. Either you're telling
- 17:14me you're hungry or you're not telling me you're hungry. Which one are we
- 17:17doing? And she's like, why do you make this so difficult? I'm
- 17:19like, I'm really not making this difficult. I'm just trying to understand how
- 17:23you need me to answer your question, because right now I don't know what
- 17:27I'm doing for lunch. I don't even know what I want to eat for
- 17:32lunch. It's not that I'm indecisive. I just don't know because lunch right
- 17:36now is not on my mind. I'm thinking about what we need to do
- 17:41to get too. Lunch not lunch are and so that can be difficult.
- 17:47That could be stressful for a person that you don't read social cues. I
- 17:52had a couple. The wife was sitting on the couch crying. The husband
- 17:57came in and said, where's the dog food? She told him through her
- 18:03tears where the dog food was. I saw them a couple of hours later,
- 18:07she was so angry, and she went on to tell me about how
- 18:11he's inconsiderate, He's this, he's that, and he said, I know
- 18:15you were crying. I asked you where the dog food was so that you
- 18:19wouldn't have to feed the dog tonight because you're upset about something. So in
- 18:25his mind, he's comforting her, he's taking something off of her plate.
- 18:30In her mind, she's being ignored. And so that's why it's hard for
- 18:33the partner of the person who has neuro diversity, because they, especially if
- 18:40they haven't started any type of counseling, they're out of step now. She
- 18:45came on so angry with him because why wouldn't he comfort me? So I
- 18:48just said to him, whenever your face, your wife's face is wet,
- 18:52hug her, comfort her. Nothing else comes before that, whenever her face
- 18:57is wet. And then that's the skills he began to use for that hug
- 19:03you. And that makes sense. It's just little things like that that I
- 19:08think we need to pay more attention to when other people are expressing, because
- 19:14sometimes not everyone can express in that same manner. I got a little visitor
- 19:22in here. My granddaughter is sneaking her. She thinks that she's supposed to
- 19:27be part of the podcast. That's okay. So she's like, my grandma
- 19:34is talking and she's doing something, and I need to see what's going on
- 19:38in there. Like if you get on the phone, they didn't want you
- 19:42until you got on the phone. Uh huh. And that's her thing.
- 19:45And anytime my phone rings, she feels like she's supposed to be part of
- 19:49the conversation. She's answering the questions and I'm like, nobody's talking to you.
- 19:52They didn't call to Her response is always huh. Yeah, she's only
- 20:00a year old, but she's smart and she's going to be my secretary one
- 20:06day, and at least that's what I tell her, So she's ready for
- 20:07that. But the next question that I have is when they learn those coping
- 20:15skills with their partner, is it more beneficial that they take it step by
- 20:22step to connect more on that level or do they just want to tend to
- 20:30stick to old patterns. Usually they don't want to stick to old patterns.
- 20:36That's why they've decided to come in, because they want to connect with their
- 20:38partner. You cannot connect with somebody you're not communicating with and so most often
- 20:45they're leading parallel lives. In the house, everybody's doing their own thing,
- 20:51and they want to reconnect. They want to do things together. They want
- 20:56to understand the differences. People who are nor the verse usually very task oriented,
- 21:02so they want to understand why this person does this or that or this,
- 21:08and so people are all I have never met a couple that was not
- 21:12open to trying new things. They may not want to try every single thing
- 21:17you're offering, but they're usually at the point where, yes, I want
- 21:22to try something. Something has to give here, and so they are open
- 21:26to open. The problem is they fall back into old habits easily, and
- 21:33so you have to tell them, remind them. You know, I asked
- 21:36the first question. I asked, how was your week? That's the first
- 21:38question I asked it, and you'll get, oh, it was great,
- 21:42it was wonderful. We did this, and the other partner will be no,
- 21:47it was not good. You have to ask what was good and what
- 21:53wasn't good, and to talk about it because they perhaps haven't talked about it,
- 21:59and because they see the world differently. For one person it was great,
- 22:03the other person was like, we just argued yesterday and talking, so,
- 22:07how did we have a good week? You know? But I always
- 22:11tell them to don't let one incident define the whole week. You argue yesterday,
- 22:17but how was every day before that? Yeah? And I think communication
- 22:22definitely does play a major part learning how your partner communicates. Do you think
- 22:27that that plays a major role also in how they begin to reconnect with one
- 22:33another. It does. People with neural diversity are very attuned to your tone
- 22:38of voice, body language, and you may be speaking in a voice that
- 22:45you think is fine, but to them is yelling, and most neuro diverse
- 22:48people that shuts them down. And so becoming more aware of that, letting
- 22:53them know when you stand with your arms folded, it makes me feel whatever,
- 22:59it makes them feel. For the neuro diverse partner to have the opportunity,
- 23:03oftentimes for the first time, to make those statements to say, I
- 23:07don't like when you use the word hope. That doesn't feel good to me,
- 23:12and so using that And I always tell people this one thing, when
- 23:18you're talking about your emotions, we don't want to say the word anger,
- 23:22mad, whatever, because there are other things under that You're only angry because
- 23:26you were disappointed or you were hurt, so let's forget about being angry.
- 23:32Let's talk about what was under that, because if we're only going to talk
- 23:36about you being mad, we're not going to really solve the issues. Oh.
- 23:41I will definitely believe that because if somebody like I always, especially when
- 23:47I was working in the daycare with kids, I would have you know,
- 23:51you have the kids and they're arguing, and they come and say, well,
- 23:53such and such did this to me, but they never want to tell
- 23:56what they did. So I would always ask, okay, well what did
- 24:00you do? What led to this, and how can we change it?
- 24:04And so a lot of the parents were like, why are you asking the
- 24:08kids that. I'm like, number one, I need to know what was
- 24:12said and what happened so that we can get to the bottom because he said
- 24:18something, she said something, But each one of them had a response to
- 24:22what was said and what was done. So we have to figure out what
- 24:26was the cause so that we can get to the solution. And usually it
- 24:30would be somebody said they didn't like the shirt or the shoes. You know
- 24:33how little kids are found and they didn't like that color. It wasn't their
- 24:38favorite color, so they're arguing over whose favorite color was the right one.
- 24:42And then I'm like, okay, so you're upset with someone because they told
- 24:47you their favorite color is blue and yours is red. Well, why are
- 24:51you upset with them because their favorite color is red? Why? I just
- 24:53don't like it? Okay? Well that's fine, but you don't have to
- 24:56be mad that they don't like it. You can agree to disagree. Well,
- 25:00Ms Vita, I don't know if I like that solution. Okay,
- 25:03and you're entitled to feel that way, but you still can't get mad and
- 25:08hit someone because you don't like what they said. It's okay. You like
- 25:14French fries, they like potato chips. They're both potatoes. One's fried,
- 25:18one's not. It's okay, you know, And as adults that's really important
- 25:25for us to learn. We're we're it makes us feel vulnerable to reveal what
- 25:30really happened. So for me to say to you it hurt me when you
- 25:34said A, B and C. We don't want to say that. We
- 25:37just want to go straight for the anger. Now we're yelling and we're screaming,
- 25:41and really this is all because you hurt my feelings, and so that's
- 25:47what I tell people you really must deal with this. What are the underlying
- 25:51things, what are the things that your partner does that you don't understand?
- 25:56Ask them why you do this or why you say that, and don't take
- 26:00on the whole burden of trying to run everything. That's often what people will
- 26:06say. Also, I have to do everything in the relationship. Well,
- 26:11now we're here to learn how to get your partner to understand what it is
- 26:15you need. You have to talk about your needs and they need to understand
- 26:19your needs. That takes time. It takes more time than the average person.
- 26:25So let's work with that. And so that's very important. Do you
- 26:30think that couples sometimes have the unexpected our unexpressed communication problems because they feel like
- 26:42the person should already know what they're expecting of them, and when it's not
- 26:48communicated, that's where the anger sometimes comes from. Now, people think their
- 26:55partners should be able to read their mind. You know, well, I've
- 26:57been with them for ten years. Should know that. No, they shouldn't.
- 27:00You have to express it. It's different if you have a favorite drink
- 27:06and you go to the restroom when you're in the restaurant, I might say,
- 27:08well, bring them us such and such that's what they usually drink.
- 27:11That's a small issue, and if they don't want it, they can just
- 27:15order something else. But to think that you are my partner and you should
- 27:21know if you say a B or C. It hurts my feelings that people
- 27:25don't always know. And we change and we grow, and so the things
- 27:29that I did ten years ago that did not bother you, they bother you
- 27:33now. I mean if we just think about our relationships like that, because
- 27:37unfortunately we go into relationships and we think, oh, that's funny, Oh
- 27:41that's cute, until you've been dealing with it for ten years, right,
- 27:45and conversations have to be had. Don't expect your partner to be a mind
- 27:53reader. They need you to tell them what you need and not be ashamed
- 27:59to say that's the other issue. I don't want to be vulnerable and ashamed
- 28:03to say I need to be hugged, I need my handheld, I need
- 28:08this, I need that. It's okay. So often I ask people what
- 28:15are you what do you need? What are your needs? I no longer
- 28:18ask people that just in session. Now I tell them to write it down
- 28:22during the week and come back because when you ask people neurodiverse are not what
- 28:27are your needs? So many of them go, oh, I don't know,
- 28:32I haven't thought about that in years. Okay, So I want you
- 28:36to think about it during the week, write it down, and then bring
- 28:38it back and then we have to think about, these are your needs?
- 28:42How do you get your needs met? Because we're all fighting to get our
- 28:45needs met, all of us are fighting to get our needs met. But
- 28:48if your partner doesn't know that's a need, if they don't know that that's
- 28:53a very important need, you might never get it met. And with couples,
- 29:00resentments kill relationships. I have couples that can tell you thirty years ago.
- 29:08I literally had a lady, say, thirty years ago when we brought
- 29:11our daughter home for the first time. I was coming in with the baby.
- 29:17He didn't even hold the door open for me. He didn't close the
- 29:19door when I came in. And that's been our relationship ever since. And
- 29:25he said, I don't even remember that I know, And so maybe he
- 29:30was bringing things in. Maybe he was nervous. This is his first baby,
- 29:34and now I'm taking care of my wife and my baby, and maybe
- 29:38his mind was all over the place. So instead of just saying thirty years
- 29:41ago, Hey, I'm gonna need you to start remembering to hold the door
- 29:45when I'm coming in with the baby. She's held that resentment for thirty years,
- 29:52and she expected him to know that she's been holding on to that.
- 29:56That's wow, that's a whole and a grudge and resentment and everything all in
- 30:03one. And he would never know. And it's something so innocent, and
- 30:08he's like, you're mad at me for what reason? You know? And
- 30:12as I've gotten older, I find myself expressing myself more so, especially since
- 30:19my mom died. Honestly, I expressed my feelings more so than I ever
- 30:25did, because I feel like if I don't express what I need, then
- 30:33I'm not gonna get it met. And then I'm gonna be mad at you
- 30:36because I didn't tell you, but I expected you to do something that I
- 30:40didn't tell you. And what happened to make me realize that was sometimes I
- 30:45would forget to send a text in a response to a text or something,
- 30:49and I'm upset at the person for not responding, but realizing that I never
- 30:53hit send on that button. So what helped me to realize that I needed
- 30:59to speak what it is? That I needed so that the person knew that
- 31:03I needed something from them. But if I never sent the message or I
- 31:07never said anything, they could never fix it for me because I never said
- 31:11anything. And that happens all the time. I gave a couple when the
- 31:18wife got home first, So when the husband comes in, you guys spend
- 31:22fifteen minutes talking to each other, well when you come in from work,
- 31:26and I said, be intentional about what you need during that time. Do
- 31:30you not want to talk about kids? Do you only want to talk about
- 31:33your Be intentional with each other. Gave them the whole rundown. Well,
- 31:40when they come back came back in, the wife was angry. She said,
- 31:44he looks at his phone. He sends texts while we're talking. And
- 31:48I said, did you tell him that you don't want him to look at
- 31:52his phone and you don't want him to send texts? No? Why because
- 31:56he should know that. Why should he know that we do that all the
- 32:00time. We literally dinner with people and see a text and send a message.
- 32:06He doesn't know if you don't tell him. M hm, So now
- 32:09tell him And she said, I don't want you to do that, and
- 32:13now tell him why? Because I feel like you're not paying attention to me.
- 32:17Okay, So now he's for not doing it, okay, and that
- 32:22makes more sense. I was having a conversation with a couple of friends of
- 32:27mine, and I was telling them that a lot of relationships really fall apart
- 32:32because of unexpected, uncommunicated expectations, and uncommunicated expectations lead to a lot of
- 32:40resentment, a lot of hostility, and things of that nature. Like if
- 32:45I told you I wanted steak for dinner, but you wanted something different and
- 32:53you expected a different meal when you got home, I wouldn't know that because
- 32:59we just gus having steak for dinner. But you've gotten home and you're like,
- 33:04okay, well I thought we were having something else. Well, we
- 33:07talked about steak. You never said that you wanted anything else, So this
- 33:12is what we're having now. But it's one of those things that I feel
- 33:17like a lot of us are walking around coping with neurodiversity and have no idea
- 33:24that we've been dealing with this for years. And I think that I may
- 33:31have to do this test myself, because, you know, just to see
- 33:37where I'm at on that. But I've also learned just over the last year
- 33:43that I need to be more outspoken with the questions that I asked for the
- 33:50expectations that I have. I can assume all I want to, but assuming
- 33:55really doesn't get me the actual result that I need that I'm looking for because
- 34:00I've made an assumption, so being very clear in what it is and also
- 34:07understanding that I have to be vulnerable and that's that has not been my strongest
- 34:13suit because I don't like feeling vulnerable to anybody. But I'm learning that vulnerability
- 34:19doesn't mean a bad thing. It shows that I'm willing to learn something and
- 34:24unlearn a bad behavior of what I grew up with. I call it like
- 34:30a survival tact. And we do that. And when you mentioned the state,
- 34:36you know, I thought about if you said it to me and I
- 34:39did my face like that to me, that might have meant, oh,
- 34:43no, definitely not. But I didn't say that. You could have just
- 34:46taken it like, well, it's not a favorite dinner, but she'll eat
- 34:50it. I've seen or eat it before, and I really want it,
- 34:52so I'm gonna make it again. We didn't communicate with each other. You
- 34:57didn't say why did you make that face? I didn't say no, I
- 35:00really can't do state tonight. None of that occurred, and now we're mad
- 35:05with each other, and it was so we didn't need to be right.
- 35:10And I think that's where a lot of arguments come into play in relationships,
- 35:15because one makes a face or one does their body in a certain manner,
- 35:22and it's like, you don't even care what I'm trying to tell you.
- 35:24I'm telling you something and you're shrugging me off. You're not listening to anything
- 35:30that I have to say. Little girl, where are you going? She
- 35:37really wants to be part of the show tonight. But I feel like if
- 35:45we can learn that everybody has a different personality and how we communicate is if
- 35:54we can find a meeting spot, I think that that would be great and
- 36:00understanding that nobody's wrong, nobody's heard, nobody's damaged or anything like that.
- 36:07It's just the way that they perceive and relay information is different, and you
- 36:14can always we can always come to a common ground if we are able to
- 36:22speak on it. My daughter is sixteen, first of all, a daughter
- 36:28sixteen that she sends your shivers down your spine, and yes, on top
- 36:35of that, she's newer. The verse Okay, you know, very bright
- 36:40all of that, but there are just some things. She does not twist
- 36:45the cap on anything. She'll put the cap on it, but she will
- 36:49not twist it, and she believes that she's done it. And so we
- 36:53spend a lot of time with me being upset. I've had bleach all over
- 36:58myself. I've had mister clean all over my so I've gone to pour salt
- 37:01in something and just ruin my whole meal. But I had to learn she's
- 37:08not doing this to drive me crazy. She's a very sweet, kind,
- 37:12caring girl, so she wouldn't be doing this to drive me crazy. There's
- 37:16something in her brain that does not let her put that top on all the
- 37:22way. So now we don't talk about it anymore. I just check everything
- 37:27before I pick it up. I check everything before I go to put it
- 37:30in my meal. I've learned she's not doing that to drive me crazy.
- 37:36There's a difference in us. Her brain doesn't work in that area. It
- 37:40works differently, and we have to acknowledge that with our partners, with our
- 37:45friends, with our children, with our family, that sometimes they're not trying
- 37:51to drive you crazy. Just isn't hitting on that and that's such a little
- 37:57thing. Why can't you let it go? I just let it go.
- 38:01See that when you said not putting the top on things like that is definitely
- 38:07my daughter. She's twenty seven now, and it used to drive me crazy.
- 38:12But I got into the habit of knowing if she opened something, she's
- 38:16not closing it back all the way. And I learned that after so many
- 38:22times. It's like, okay, Ki was the last one to had this.
- 38:27She's not putting the top back on it, So check it before you
- 38:30put it anywhere. And oh my god. So yeah, that's one of
- 38:36her things that she has. And I always know whenever she's been anywhere in
- 38:40here, if there's a drink that's open, the top is definitely not on
- 38:45it. If she's opened a box of cereal, it's definitely not closed.
- 38:50Oh that is that's the way her brain operates. And she would always say,
- 38:53Mom, well, I thought I closed it, and she did.
- 38:58If she's the sweet hair young lady that you've raised with love, she is
- 39:04not trying to drive you crazy. Yeah she did it, yeah, And
- 39:08that would always be her answer. Mon I thought I closed it, okay,
- 39:13all right, Well, now that makes a whole lot more sense.
- 39:15But now I don't even fuss at her about it. Now, I'm just
- 39:20like, Okay, just like you said, you just gone you close it
- 39:23back, you check the top, make sure you're not gonna waste anything anywhere,
- 39:28because you know she was the last one that had it, so close
- 39:30it up or figure out what you need to do with it so that you
- 39:35don't have an accident. But oh my gosh, yeah, my husband and
- 39:38wife could argue about that forever. I'm just saying, no, my wife
- 39:45is a kind person. She wouldn't do this to drive me crazy. I'll
- 39:49just start checking things and those are the little things we need to do for
- 39:52our family and friends and partners learn what it is they need some assistance with
- 40:00do it. Just saying this is what goes on. Yeah, I think
- 40:05that's Oh my god, that's that was my AHA moment, especially with my
- 40:08child because I never even thought, you know about that, because I've never
- 40:13even heard of this before. But yep, that's definitely my child because she
- 40:20definitely will not put the top on nothing, doesn't matter what it is,
- 40:23and her answer would always be I thought I put it on there. I
- 40:29don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry, I got it too.
- 40:32You know, how how many sessions do you have for couples, like,
- 40:40is it a time limit or do they come like once a month, twice
- 40:45a month, or do you do it as needed for each couple. Well,
- 40:50I generally, and I work with individuals too, But with I work
- 40:52with I tell them for the first month, I suggest every week and then
- 41:00and see what we need to do. Now. I do have couples that
- 41:02completed. They feel like they did much. You know, they've learned a
- 41:06lot. They're done, and they'll just send me a text every I mean
- 41:09a email every now and again. Hey, we're gonna come in for a
- 41:13check up, okay, I feel we need to see you. And sometimes
- 41:16maybe I'll see them once or twice, or sometimes they just need that one
- 41:20talk and they're good. So I'm not a person who says you must see
- 41:25me this many times. I just need you to know if we're only going
- 41:30to see each other every other week, I need you to promise you're going
- 41:32to do the homework, because that's the only way it's gonna work. If
- 41:37you're just dropping in every now and again when troubles arise, that's okay,
- 41:40But I need you to really do what it is I'm explaining to you would
- 41:44be helpful. That's the only way it's gonna work. Okay, Well,
- 41:49tell the guests how they can get in contact with you if they want some
- 41:53one on one sessions or group sessions. I'm available at Neural Diverse Empowerment dot
- 42:00com. They can also send UH an email to Bridget Green Therapy at gmail
- 42:07dot com and Bridget is spelled b R I d G I T T E
- 42:12Green like the Color Therapy at gmail dot com. Okay, well, I
- 42:17want to thank you so much for your time. Like I said, I
- 42:20wasn't gonna keep you too long tonight because you want to continue to enjoy that
- 42:24piece and quiet. It's rare when we get it as moms because we're always
- 42:30on the go. We're always lending a help in hand, even when the
- 42:34children don't belong to us, We're always doing that. So I thank you
- 42:38for your time, and I definitely want to have you back, probably around
- 42:45in September, because September is QRII my Information Awareness Month. But I think
- 42:52they go hand in hand together because I always try to do a show to
- 42:55bring awareness about any types of brain issues. Because a lot of times we
- 43:01don't talk about those things, and I feel like we need. Any time
- 43:07I can bring light to any brain condition, I want to be able to
- 43:12do that. So I would love to have you back in September, if
- 43:15your schedule allows, I would love to come back. All right, well,
- 43:20thank you so much for being here, and as always, you guys.
- 43:22You know I can never end the show without saying this, and that
- 43:27is stay out of God's business. The only thing that he needs you to
- 43:30do is be obedient to what He's called you to do. Until next time.
- 43:34I will see you guys, April the fourteenth, Love you and good
- 43:37night. All things ain't where All the blue from Scott's Blue, Blue from
- 43:57the North South thing well, person Percy being used a