Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Long-Distance, Dating Blunders, and Incompatible Sex Drives with Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos

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Long-Distance, Dating Blunders, and Incompatible Sex Drives with Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:13
Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's Golden Bachelorette. Joe Basso's
0:17
Speaker 1: taking over and I'm here in San Francisco ahead of
0:21
Speaker 1: the big Game. The atmosphere is just full of energy.
0:25
Speaker 1: We're actually here with some fellow Bachelor alums, so we're
0:29
Speaker 1: having a great time reconnecting. And then we get to
0:32
Speaker 1: meet and spend some time with some stars from Bravo.
0:35
Speaker 1: We had a party with them last night over in
0:38
Speaker 1: Sasolito overlooking the city. It was just full of light
0:41
Speaker 1: and so beautiful. And we're having such a great time
0:44
Speaker 1: celebrating ahead of the big game. And people ask me
0:47
Speaker 1: all the time since I do cooking videos, is like,
0:49
Speaker 1: what is my favorite food to make for the big game?
0:53
Speaker 1: For the parties that we have, And first of all,
0:56
Speaker 1: I love to host a football party because I am
0:58
Speaker 1: a football fan. Unfortunately, right now, I am a Commander's fan.
1:02
Speaker 1: I've been one for all my life and we have
1:05
Speaker 1: not had a big game appearance in a lot of years.
1:09
Speaker 1: But I'm a faithful fan. So my family will beginning
1:12
Speaker 1: together to watch the game. And I love making dips,
1:16
Speaker 1: so my favorite is of a daily onion dep If
1:18
Speaker 1: you want the recipe, it's on my Instagram, otherwise you
1:20
Speaker 1: can DM me and I'll send it to you. It's delicious.
1:23
Speaker 1: It's kind of famous amongst my family and friends. So
1:26
Speaker 1: that's my favorite thing to do. But I like to
1:28
Speaker 1: get down to some of the questions that you guys
1:30
Speaker 1: have sent in for me, because they are really good
1:32
Speaker 1: and it kind of describes a lot of what happens
1:37
Speaker 1: after you've been on the Golden after you've been the
1:40
Speaker 1: Golden Bachelorette, and after you get engaged. So the first
1:42
Speaker 1: one is from Tracy forty eight, and she's asking, do
1:45
Speaker 1: you get tired of having to prove that you and
1:48
Speaker 1: Chalk are still a couple? And that is such a
1:50
Speaker 1: good question because I do feel very invested in making
1:54
Speaker 1: sure everybody knows that we are still really good, but
1:57
Speaker 1: like I have to balance that with kind of living
1:59
Speaker 1: in the moment so people invested in our journey. It's
2:02
Speaker 1: so flattering that people care that we're still together and
2:05
Speaker 1: that they cared to watch the show and think about
2:08
Speaker 1: us even after the show. That's like just so nice
2:10
Speaker 1: and like it warms my heart. And I need to
2:13
Speaker 1: do better because Chalk and I are together all the
2:15
Speaker 1: time and we are great. In fact, we're better than
2:18
Speaker 1: ever and that keeps happening. Every time we get to
2:20
Speaker 1: be together, and every time that we share more experiences,
2:24
Speaker 1: our relationship grows stronger. I'm just really bad about documenting it.
2:28
Speaker 1: I don't pull out my phone when we're out to
2:30
Speaker 1: get dinner. I don't pull out my phone when we're
2:32
Speaker 1: walking the dog. I don't pull out my phone when
2:34
Speaker 1: we're sitting watching Netflix like the series that we're into.
2:38
Speaker 1: So we're together a lot. I'm just really bad about
2:40
Speaker 1: documenting it. So I'm sorry Bachchination. I'm sorry about you know,
2:43
Speaker 1: to all you people that are invested in our journey.
2:45
Speaker 1: Talk and I are still together. I am going to
2:47
Speaker 1: do a better job about showing us together. So we're
2:50
Speaker 1: going to be with each other next week in Punchacona
2:53
Speaker 1: for a couple of days. We're taking a little vacation.
2:55
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to get to some warm weather and
2:57
Speaker 1: I am going to do I promise you, I'm going
3:00
Speaker 1: to show us together. So we will squelch the rumors
3:03
Speaker 1: for like another month, and then they'll start bubbling back
3:05
Speaker 1: up and I'll do a better job about posting. So
3:08
Speaker 1: I have another question, and this one is from Dina
3:10
Speaker 1: fifty two, and she said Valentine's Day is around the corner.
3:13
Speaker 1: Do you and Chalk have plans? We actually do. So
3:17
Speaker 1: we are going to be in LA doing a brand
3:20
Speaker 1: deal for a new audible book coming that's coming out.
3:24
Speaker 1: So we're going to happen to be together on the thirteenth,
3:27
Speaker 1: and so we're staying extra night in the hotel. It's
3:30
Speaker 1: a cute little hotel that I spent some time in
3:32
Speaker 1: when I'm in La before, and we both love it
3:34
Speaker 1: and has a pool, and so we're going to be together.
3:37
Speaker 1: We're going to be relaxing and just spending the time
3:40
Speaker 1: in a different city. It's fun to travel. It's kind
3:43
Speaker 1: of what we do. We don't live together. He lives
3:46
Speaker 1: in Kansas. I live in Maryland. When we meet up,
3:49
Speaker 1: we sometimes I sometimes go to Kansas. He sometimes comes
3:52
Speaker 1: to Maryland. But it's a lot more fun meeting someplace
3:54
Speaker 1: that we are kind of on vacation. So we meet
3:57
Speaker 1: in La sometimes because we have things that we need
3:59
Speaker 1: to do there, and then we extend our vacations where
4:01
Speaker 1: we go to Florida or like I said, we're going
4:03
Speaker 1: to Puntacana. So we see each other a lot. This
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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, We're going to be together in LA. So
4:08
Speaker 1: thanks for that question. It's a good one because it's
4:11
Speaker 1: hard when you're doing a long distance relationship. But this
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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, we are going to be together. And this
4:16
Speaker 1: next one is from at Cynthia Gregory or Gregory or
4:21
Speaker 1: I'm not really positive how you say your name, but
4:23
Speaker 1: I appreciate the question. So this one is from Cynthia
4:26
Speaker 1: g Just curious on how you and Chalk felt living
4:30
Speaker 1: together for a month in New York. Oh, that is
4:32
Speaker 1: such a good question. That was so joyous. It was
4:35
Speaker 1: kind of a bucket list or maybe the beginning of
4:38
Speaker 1: fulfilling a bucket list item. So he and I both
4:41
Speaker 1: talked while we were filming The Golden Bachelrette that we
4:46
Speaker 1: know it comes from a small town in Kansas. I
4:48
Speaker 1: come from a pretty big town. I come from Washington,
4:49
Speaker 1: d C. But we both always wanted to live in
4:52
Speaker 1: New York City. Odd dream, but we both had that,
4:55
Speaker 1: and he promised to me while we were on the
5:00
Speaker 1: go Golden Bachelorette. He gave me a key that was
5:03
Speaker 1: symbolic of a journey that he wanted to take with me,
5:07
Speaker 1: and that was to live in New York City. We
5:09
Speaker 1: did try to find a place for a bunch of months.
5:11
Speaker 1: It's very difficult. All you New Yorkers know this. It's
5:14
Speaker 1: hard to find a place to live, especially if you're
5:16
Speaker 1: not living there already, because things will come up and
5:19
Speaker 1: if you're not there the day that they go on
5:21
Speaker 1: the market, you lose. So for me to get from
5:23
Speaker 1: Maryland to New York as quick and I could never
5:27
Speaker 1: make it in time before place has kind of disappeared.
5:29
Speaker 1: So we got an airbnb for a month and we
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Speaker 1: spent the whole month of December in New York and
5:33
Speaker 1: we had a blast. It was like we kind of
5:36
Speaker 1: got a glimpse of what life would look like living
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Speaker 1: together because it was the most time we had spent
5:40
Speaker 1: together kind and it wasn't in a hotel. We're usually
5:43
Speaker 1: in a hotel, so it was in a home, it
5:45
Speaker 1: was an airbnb. We spent a whole month together and
5:48
Speaker 1: it was wonderful. So that was a great experience. I
5:51
Speaker 1: think we will do New York again. Hopefully we will
5:54
Speaker 1: do it for a longer period of time, but we've
5:56
Speaker 1: talked about maybe going back and doing another month in
5:58
Speaker 1: the fall because both of us love a fall in
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Speaker 1: New York. So maybe in the next you know, eight
6:02
Speaker 1: or nine months, we'll be back doing again. The next
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Speaker 1: question is from Carol sixty two. She says, I'm sixty
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Speaker 1: two years old and have been divorced for twenty years.
6:12
Speaker 1: I've had some boyfriends here and there, but nothing long lasting.
6:16
Speaker 1: I've done the apps, but not great. What else should
6:19
Speaker 1: I try? Oh gosh, Carol, I feel for you. I
6:24
Speaker 1: did the apps too, and it felt like a job.
6:27
Speaker 1: To me. It felt like you always had to be online.
6:29
Speaker 1: If you weren't quick about answering questions or showing interests back,
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Speaker 1: people got offended. You had to spend so much time
6:37
Speaker 1: on your phone, and then you would go out on
6:40
Speaker 1: dates and you probably have experienced that a lot of
6:43
Speaker 1: times they weren't the people that you expected to be meeting.
6:46
Speaker 1: They often looked different, they acted different. So I think
6:50
Speaker 1: dating apps are hard, but I have a hard time
6:53
Speaker 1: figuring out what would get you more opportunity. So dating
6:56
Speaker 1: apps you certainly get a lot of action, you see
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Speaker 1: a lot of people, well, you get a lot of choices.
7:01
Speaker 1: It's the easiest way to weed through. I though, in
7:05
Speaker 1: the long run, think that meeting someplace in person is
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Speaker 1: a lot better and you get a better idea about
7:10
Speaker 1: a person obviously than spending a lot of time texting
7:14
Speaker 1: back and forth. So I would say get out there.
7:17
Speaker 1: Get out there more than anything that feels comfortable. Go
7:21
Speaker 1: out and like, let's say you go to dinner with
7:24
Speaker 1: a friend, which I did a lot. So I had
7:25
Speaker 1: a lot of girlfriends and I would go to dinner
7:27
Speaker 1: and we would go sit at a table. Don't sit
7:29
Speaker 1: at a table, go sit at a bar. It invites
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Speaker 1: people to come talk to you. You have more organic
7:33
Speaker 1: conversations when you sit at a bar. So don't sit
7:35
Speaker 1: at a table, sit at a bar. Go to things
7:37
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't normally go to. Go to a park,
7:39
Speaker 1: take your dog on a walk, join a wine tasting club.
7:45
Speaker 1: If you like community service, you know, join a food bank.
7:48
Speaker 1: You're going to meet like minded people if you go
7:50
Speaker 1: to do things that you enjoy doing. So I feel
7:53
Speaker 1: like getting out there, but you know, making it a
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Speaker 1: little bit of a job. So making a bigger effort
7:58
Speaker 1: than just going out once in a while, make it
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Speaker 1: a thing that you do every day. Have a plan
8:02
Speaker 1: every day of how you're going to go out and
8:03
Speaker 1: maybe meet somebody. So I think aside from the dating apps,
8:07
Speaker 1: which I completely agree with, you are very difficult and
8:11
Speaker 1: it is a little bit like a job. I think
8:13
Speaker 1: just getting out there in the real world and trying
8:15
Speaker 1: to meet somebody organically is maybe approach you should take.
8:18
Speaker 1: At the same time, you know, maybe don't get off
8:20
Speaker 1: the dating apps completely, but use them as your second tool.
8:24
Speaker 1: Maybe make the first one getting out there. I hope
8:27
Speaker 1: that helps, because I feel for you, girl, I know
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Speaker 1: how hard it is. The next one is Rebecca. She's
8:32
Speaker 1: forty five, and she says, Joan, I love how confident
8:35
Speaker 1: you are. And I've been engaged to my fiance for
8:38
Speaker 1: almost a year. We're getting married this summer. One of
8:41
Speaker 1: the things that upsets me though, the most, is how
8:44
Speaker 1: frequent his communication is with me. Won't respond to text
8:48
Speaker 1: or return my calls for hours. How do you address
8:51
Speaker 1: this without him hurting, without me hurting his feelings? Wow? Huh,
8:56
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I guess the first thing that comes
8:58
Speaker 1: to my head is is he really busy? Does he
8:59
Speaker 1: have a job that's very demanding or do you just
9:04
Speaker 1: feel like he's reading your text or seeing that you
9:06
Speaker 1: called and ignoring you? So I feel like maybe there's
9:08
Speaker 1: something deeper there. If that's the case, that maybe he
9:13
Speaker 1: doesn't consider what you have to do or your feelings
9:16
Speaker 1: like as that important. That would concern me the fact
9:21
Speaker 1: that you're getting married. Okay, So I know he loves you, right, Okay,
9:24
Speaker 1: so let's start from the obvious. You guys are in love.
9:28
Speaker 1: Why is he discounting your need to communicate with him?
9:33
Speaker 1: If it's because he's busy, I think we have to
9:35
Speaker 1: give him grace. But I think that you eventually need
9:38
Speaker 1: to come to an agreement that says when I call you,
9:41
Speaker 1: oftentimes it's because I need to tell you something or
9:44
Speaker 1: ask you something. So I think that you know, unless
9:47
Speaker 1: you're stuck in a meeting or doing something super important,
9:50
Speaker 1: could you try to call me back within an hour
9:52
Speaker 1: or can you try to send me a quick text
9:54
Speaker 1: say sorry, I can't talk right now, but we'll call
9:56
Speaker 1: you and give me a timeframe so I'm not sitting
9:58
Speaker 1: around waiting. I feel like you're expectations are valid that
10:02
Speaker 1: he should respond in some way, even if the response
10:05
Speaker 1: is I can't talk right now and I will call
10:07
Speaker 1: you later. So I guess I don't think you would
10:11
Speaker 1: be hurting his feelings to say that that is an expectation,
10:15
Speaker 1: and you know, I also always go with the saying
10:18
Speaker 1: in my head that people treat you the way you
10:20
Speaker 1: allow them to treat you, so in a nice way,
10:24
Speaker 1: I think you can say I'm not going to allow
10:28
Speaker 1: you to treat me like that that I think I'm
10:30
Speaker 1: being reasonable by having a higher expectation, So I don't
10:33
Speaker 1: think it's a bad thing for you to expect more.
10:36
Speaker 1: I hope that helps. Recca. That's a hard one. I know.
10:39
Speaker 1: I'm a non confrontational person, so having those conversations I
10:43
Speaker 1: know are hard, So good luck with that. Jared fifty three,
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Speaker 1: I've been divorced for five years and finally found someone
10:58
Speaker 1: I click with that I been dating for three months.
11:01
Speaker 1: When it comes to sex, I like to have it often,
11:04
Speaker 1: mostly because at the end of my marriage I wasn't
11:06
Speaker 1: having any. And I feel like the woman I'm thinking
11:10
Speaker 1: doesn't have the same sex drive as me, as me
11:13
Speaker 1: should I move on? H So that's a tough one.
11:19
Speaker 1: I feel like the innate sex drive of a person
11:24
Speaker 1: is maybe something that is just kind of in them,
11:26
Speaker 1: and they might not just have the same you know,
11:30
Speaker 1: urges or need the same thing as you need. But
11:33
Speaker 1: I think if you are if it's something that you
11:37
Speaker 1: really want, I think you need to have the conversation
11:40
Speaker 1: because sometimes even if you're not in the mood and
11:42
Speaker 1: your partner is, if you go ahead and let it happen,
11:45
Speaker 1: sometimes it's really great. And maybe her saying no and
11:50
Speaker 1: you still feeling like you're not being satisfied, maybe there's
11:55
Speaker 1: a middle ground that you guys could figure out. So
11:58
Speaker 1: I think you need to have a conversation with her.
12:00
Speaker 1: And maybe your sex drives don't match, but maybe there
12:03
Speaker 1: is a middle ground that you guys can find that
12:05
Speaker 1: both of you your feelings will be validated. So Jared,
12:09
Speaker 1: I get it. You're fifty three years old, You're obviously
12:13
Speaker 1: a healthy, good guy, and I understand that sometimes men's
12:17
Speaker 1: urges are maybe a little more than women's. But I
12:19
Speaker 1: think you can probably figure that out with her and
12:21
Speaker 1: you can find it kind of a middle ground. Okay.
12:23
Speaker 1: The next one is Christine. She's sixty four. She says, Joan,
12:25
Speaker 1: I love watching your love story with chalk happen. I
12:28
Speaker 1: can relate because I also lost my husband, who is
12:30
Speaker 1: my everything. After his passing, I had to start working
12:34
Speaker 1: more to make a living. A month ago, I was
12:36
Speaker 1: lonely and accepted a date offer from a coworker. There
12:40
Speaker 1: wasn't any chemistry, but now there is a weird tension
12:43
Speaker 1: in our office. Is there any way to fix this? Oh?
12:46
Speaker 1: I get it, girl. I know you probably felt so
12:49
Speaker 1: good to for someone to be asking you out and
12:51
Speaker 1: feel wanted and a coworker that's always a sticky situation.
12:55
Speaker 1: I think you just need to have that conversation. I'm
12:58
Speaker 1: sure that they're feeling that maybe you're not into it.
13:01
Speaker 1: It's you know, most people can feel that, So I
13:04
Speaker 1: think that the conversation needs to be have like as flattered.
13:07
Speaker 1: You're a really great person. I love working with you.
13:09
Speaker 1: I don't want that to change the reason we even
13:11
Speaker 1: went out on a date because we both you know,
13:13
Speaker 1: have respect for each other or you know, whatever it
13:16
Speaker 1: is that you guys had before. Try to get back
13:18
Speaker 1: to that. Yeah, because you're gonna have to rite. You
13:21
Speaker 1: have to earn a living, and so does he. So
13:22
Speaker 1: I think that conversation is, you know, important for your
13:27
Speaker 1: feelings but also for your income. So I think that
13:29
Speaker 1: that's twofold, and I think you can do it, and
13:32
Speaker 1: I think you can do it successfully because I'm sure
13:33
Speaker 1: he's probably feeling the same way. At this point, he
13:35
Speaker 1: probably knows you're not super interested. So the next question
13:39
Speaker 1: is from Lily, and she's sixty four, and this is
13:41
Speaker 1: when I really relate to. Says, my best friend recently
13:45
Speaker 1: lost her husband of over thirty years. I'm so heartbroken
13:48
Speaker 1: for her, but I don't know what to do. How
13:51
Speaker 1: should I show support for her? Is there a way
13:53
Speaker 1: to honor her husband that will make her feel loved? God, Lily, Boy,
13:58
Speaker 1: that's just hitting home really a lot. So ironically, I
14:02
Speaker 1: had a friend whose husband passed away before minded, and
14:05
Speaker 1: I struggled with this exact same question, so I can
14:08
Speaker 1: see it from both sides. So I remember just maybe
14:13
Speaker 1: daily in the beginning, just texting her or calling her
14:17
Speaker 1: and just saying thinking about you know you're hurting. There's
14:19
Speaker 1: nothing else you can say. There's nothing that's going to
14:22
Speaker 1: relieve the hurt. But it does show that you're thinking
14:25
Speaker 1: about her, that she's not sitting alone in that room,
14:28
Speaker 1: alone in her grief, that she has people that still
14:30
Speaker 1: love her. So reach out, send cupcakes, you know, reach
14:37
Speaker 1: out and say, I know you're lonely. I know you
14:38
Speaker 1: don't want to go out, but I'm taking out to dinner.
14:39
Speaker 1: Whether you want to go or not. The people that
14:41
Speaker 1: force you to get out of your house and get
14:43
Speaker 1: out of your grief, it's surprising how much better it
14:47
Speaker 1: makes you feel. I remember making my friend go out
14:50
Speaker 1: and her saying at the end of the night, boy,
14:51
Speaker 1: I really needed this. I didn't. I really didn't want
14:53
Speaker 1: to put on clothes and leave my house. I didn't
14:55
Speaker 1: want to like face life. But sometimes like doing that
14:58
Speaker 1: slowly and doing it every once in a while with
14:59
Speaker 1: some that you no loves you and is going to
15:00
Speaker 1: take care of you is exactly what you need. And
15:04
Speaker 1: you have to be forced to do it. So force
15:05
Speaker 1: her to go out even if she doesn't want to,
15:07
Speaker 1: or show up on her doorstep with a bottle of
15:08
Speaker 1: wine or with dinner or something, and make her start
15:12
Speaker 1: to live again, because you know, taking those first steps
15:15
Speaker 1: after losing somebody is really hard, especially if you've had
15:18
Speaker 1: a long marriage or a long relationship. So show her
15:20
Speaker 1: that she's loved. It's simple. You just have to send
15:22
Speaker 1: a text or you know, make her go out every
15:25
Speaker 1: once in a while and have your other friends. I'm
15:27
Speaker 1: sure that you're not her only friend suggests that to
15:29
Speaker 1: other people, because one person doing it is great, multiple
15:32
Speaker 1: people doing it is even greater. So the more you
15:35
Speaker 1: know people that touch her, even from Afar, the better
15:38
Speaker 1: it is. So yeah, make sure she knows your love.
15:40
Speaker 1: She's loved, you know that you love her. Make sure
15:43
Speaker 1: that she knows that you love her. So I think
15:46
Speaker 1: that's it for questions. I think we're running out of time.
15:48
Speaker 1: I have a bunch more that I would love to answer,
15:50
Speaker 1: So maybe next time I'll get the opportunity to do
15:53
Speaker 1: this again. Then thank you all for actually even sending
15:56
Speaker 1: these questions. I appreciate that you think that I can
15:58
Speaker 1: help you, and I hope I did. Okay, are you
16:01
Speaker 1: in your chapter two and need some advice? Call us
16:04
Speaker 1: or email us. All the infos in the show notes,
16:07
Speaker 1: so follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and
16:10
Speaker 1: review this podcast, and I do part two an iHeartRadio
16:15
Speaker 1: podcast where falling in love is the main objective