Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 387. Decide and conquer - 5 steps to sharpen your decision making skills, and redirect your future.

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387. Decide and conquer - 5 steps to sharpen your decision making skills, and redirect your future. · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to your Monday episode, the
0:14
Speaker 1: podcast episode of Today. So I'm really pumped to bring
0:17
Speaker 1: you this episode because I think it ties in so
0:20
Speaker 1: much of what it is that I talk about. This
0:22
Speaker 1: podcast episode is all about decision making styles, how to
0:27
Speaker 1: change your decision making style, how to become aware of
0:29
Speaker 1: it so you can make faster and better decisions in
0:33
Speaker 1: your life. The reason why I think this is such
0:35
Speaker 1: an important topic is because almost well I don't know
0:39
Speaker 1: about it almost all, but so many of my listener questions,
0:42
Speaker 1: which is where I gather also a lot of data
0:45
Speaker 1: about my podcast and about the topics that I should
0:47
Speaker 1: be doing, is through your questions. So much of it
0:50
Speaker 1: is around struggling to make a decision. So I thought,
0:53
Speaker 1: why not create an episode which is all around decision
0:57
Speaker 1: making styles. I think the simple awareness of becoming aware
1:00
Speaker 1: if which style you lean into the most, especially for
1:02
Speaker 1: crucial things in your life, is so important because then
1:05
Speaker 1: it helps you realize why am I doing this? How
1:08
Speaker 1: is it negatively affecting me? How is it positively affecting me?
1:11
Speaker 1: Because none of us are absolute like degenerates, and we're
1:15
Speaker 1: just stupidly doing something for no reason like there's always
1:18
Speaker 1: going to be a benefit, even if in the long
1:19
Speaker 1: run it doesn't benefit us. We you know, there's always
1:22
Speaker 1: a payoff, but there's a price as well. So I
1:25
Speaker 1: want to go through there's seven different styles that I'm
1:27
Speaker 1: going to go through. Most people are more than one
1:30
Speaker 1: style depending on the situation. Sometimes for like really big, big,
1:34
Speaker 1: major life decisions, they're one particular style. For daily decisions,
1:38
Speaker 1: there are different. So it's not that you are one
1:40
Speaker 1: and it's always that style for everything. But I think
1:42
Speaker 1: it's really important to think, well, maybe for these kinds
1:45
Speaker 1: of things in my life, I need to lean into
1:47
Speaker 1: this kind of decision making, whereas for other things I
1:50
Speaker 1: can lean you know. So they all do serve a
1:52
Speaker 1: purpose to an extent. There are benefits and downsides to
1:56
Speaker 1: every single style. So I think this is just probably
1:59
Speaker 1: really cool just for self awareness, just to be like,
2:01
Speaker 1: all right, I know where I'm being hindered and where
2:03
Speaker 1: I'm being helped. All right, Now, why is it so
2:08
Speaker 1: important to become better at making decisions and to know
2:11
Speaker 1: your decision making styles and know what you want to
2:13
Speaker 1: lean into, Because without the ability to feel confident in
2:18
Speaker 1: your decision, I think you end up not making a
2:21
Speaker 1: decision at all, which then technically is a decision, and
2:25
Speaker 1: that is a decision to not change, to not do
2:27
Speaker 1: anything different, to maintain doing what you're doing, which in
2:30
Speaker 1: a way is a choice, but it doesn't feel like
2:33
Speaker 1: a choice because it's been a passive choice and not
2:35
Speaker 1: an active choice. But the problem with that is that
2:38
Speaker 1: results in regret regret for so many of us because
2:42
Speaker 1: we look back and think, I wish I did that.
2:45
Speaker 1: Most of the things that we regret in our life
2:47
Speaker 1: is lack of action. It's I didn't do that, when
2:51
Speaker 1: I wish I did, Why didn't I go and do that?
2:53
Speaker 1: Why didn't Because normally, when you do take action on something,
2:56
Speaker 1: even if you do regret it when you look back,
3:00
Speaker 1: it's easy to say, well, yeah, okay, that was a
3:03
Speaker 1: stupid decision, but at the time I thought it was
3:06
Speaker 1: the right decision. So it's kind of hard to regret
3:08
Speaker 1: because with the knowledge that I had and the maturity
3:10
Speaker 1: I had at the time, that was the right decision.
3:12
Speaker 1: I've learned since then, blah blah blah. But it's really
3:15
Speaker 1: difficult to kind of, you know, reason with yourself when
3:20
Speaker 1: you're like, I actually wanted to do that thing, but
3:23
Speaker 1: I held myself back because I was too hesitant or
3:25
Speaker 1: too whatever. There's many reasons why, okay, and I just
3:29
Speaker 1: think that the reason most of us are held back
3:31
Speaker 1: in life, or why we have such a failure to
3:33
Speaker 1: launch in so many things, is because we have a
3:35
Speaker 1: flawed decision making style or just a fear of even
3:40
Speaker 1: making decisions in the first place. Now, before you get
3:43
Speaker 1: all deranged in the head thinking that there's all this
3:46
Speaker 1: pressure into making the right decision, now I've got to
3:48
Speaker 1: learn how to make the right decision, and it's just
3:50
Speaker 1: more pressure on me than I already have in my life.
3:53
Speaker 1: I want you to realize that if when it comes
3:57
Speaker 1: to decision making, if the answer was if there was
4:01
Speaker 1: an obvious answer, then a decision wouldn't need to be made.
4:05
Speaker 1: It would just be obvious. The reason it is not
4:08
Speaker 1: easy to make a decision is, well, I've actually got
4:12
Speaker 1: five reasons why it's difficult to make a decision. So
4:14
Speaker 1: I don't want you to start thinking, oh my god,
4:16
Speaker 1: now it's going to be easy. It's not. It doesn't
4:18
Speaker 1: ever have to be easy. But number one, the reason
4:20
Speaker 1: why it's hard to make a decision is because there's
4:21
Speaker 1: a few really good options and you're scared to miss
4:23
Speaker 1: out on the other good option. So there's two great
4:27
Speaker 1: things and you're like, fuck, I don't know which one
4:28
Speaker 1: to choose, because it's just they're both good. Number two,
4:31
Speaker 1: it's because it's too much of an unknown and there's
4:35
Speaker 1: a lot of fear and vulnerability, and even though you
4:37
Speaker 1: really lean towards one, it's just nowhere near as safe
4:41
Speaker 1: and secure as the one that you're already in. Number Three,
4:44
Speaker 1: there's just too many options available and you're overwhelmed. So
4:48
Speaker 1: say you're someone that doesn't have a passion in your
4:49
Speaker 1: life and you want to pursue a career, but because
4:53
Speaker 1: you're not being pulled in any direction, you're like, well,
4:55
Speaker 1: there's thousands of careers that I could choose from. I
4:56
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm overwhelmed. So at the moment, I'm just
4:58
Speaker 1: doing nothing. You are completely desensitized and apathetic and nothing
5:04
Speaker 1: appeals to you, so making a decision feels like more
5:07
Speaker 1: effort than the value that you think that that decision
5:09
Speaker 1: will provide. So, for example, a lot of people who
5:12
Speaker 1: have been kind of doing the same thing for a
5:14
Speaker 1: very very long time, who may be teetering on even depression,
5:20
Speaker 1: and who have a lot of fun an adonia and
5:22
Speaker 1: apathy where things don't really excite them. For them, they
5:26
Speaker 1: know that doing something will make them feel better, but
5:29
Speaker 1: they're like, well, I'm waiting for something to come across,
5:31
Speaker 1: that's a sure thing, that's a grain flag, that's like
5:33
Speaker 1: an alarm, being like, this is what you've got to do,
5:36
Speaker 1: and nothing's really triggering anything, So why am I going
5:38
Speaker 1: to put in the effort that gives me no interest?
5:40
Speaker 1: So that's another issue with decision making. So you just
5:43
Speaker 1: sit and wait and then ultimately regret the fact that
5:45
Speaker 1: you did nothing and then number five because both or
5:49
Speaker 1: all options are shit. So it's also hard to make
5:51
Speaker 1: a decision because you're like, everything that's been presented to
5:53
Speaker 1: me is fucked, and no matter which path I take,
5:56
Speaker 1: I'm going to suffer in ways that I really don't
5:58
Speaker 1: want to be suffering. Okay, So those are why it's
6:00
Speaker 1: difficult for people to make a decision. Don't ever think
6:03
Speaker 1: that you are flawed because you struggle to make decisions.
6:06
Speaker 1: If the answer was obvious, it wouldn't be a decision
6:09
Speaker 1: that you have to make. The reason you're pondering it
6:13
Speaker 1: is because there's multiple factors that need to be considered right,
6:17
Speaker 1: there is a price that you pay every single time
6:21
Speaker 1: you make a decision, you sacrifice the other option. Okay,
6:25
Speaker 1: but the price for not making a decision, I think
6:29
Speaker 1: is even greater because that means that you are stagnated.
6:33
Speaker 1: That means that you are technically being left behind because
6:36
Speaker 1: everything is there is momentum in life, everything's always moving,
6:38
Speaker 1: everything's always happening. If you're not making a decision for yourself,
6:41
Speaker 1: it's going to be made for you many of many
6:44
Speaker 1: of those times, it's not going to be what you want.
6:46
Speaker 1: And it also can lead you to just risk, like
6:50
Speaker 1: to risk having a fucking unremarkable life, which is completely
6:53
Speaker 1: off brand for this community. So yeah, basically, what I'm
6:58
Speaker 1: trying to say is there's also on top of that,
7:00
Speaker 1: there's no such thing as a perfect decision. But when
7:05
Speaker 1: you make that decision, that is the time that you
7:08
Speaker 1: lean into the decision. Okay, it's not about making the
7:12
Speaker 1: right decision. And I heard this. I think I mentioned
7:13
Speaker 1: I quoted this recently, but I'm going to quote it again.
7:16
Speaker 1: And I don't know who it was that said it,
7:18
Speaker 1: And if someone knows who said it, send me the
7:20
Speaker 1: TikTok or send me the real. But this woman was
7:23
Speaker 1: being interviewed, I just came up on my feet and
7:24
Speaker 1: she said, it's not about making the right decision, but
7:28
Speaker 1: it's about making the decision right. What she means by
7:32
Speaker 1: that is, once you have made that decision, you go
7:34
Speaker 1: all in. You invest, you invest your time, you invest
7:37
Speaker 1: your energy, you invest your efforts, your resources, You give
7:40
Speaker 1: it your role, and more often than not, you know
7:44
Speaker 1: the grass is grain and where you water it. So
7:46
Speaker 1: if you are watering, I've chosen this, whether I like
7:49
Speaker 1: it or not, this is the path, I'm going to
7:50
Speaker 1: give it my all, and you'd be surprised at what
7:53
Speaker 1: you'll get from it. Because really, for a lot of
7:55
Speaker 1: the time, especially when there's two good decisions in front
7:57
Speaker 1: of you, like the option number one. Why it's hard
7:59
Speaker 1: to make decisions When there's two good decisions in front
8:01
Speaker 1: of you. You could have a very happy, successful life
8:04
Speaker 1: with either path if you word it. Okay, So I
8:07
Speaker 1: don't want you to be too hell bent on it's
8:09
Speaker 1: got to be the right one, because it really doesn't. Okay.
8:14
Speaker 1: Another thing before I go into all the decision making
8:17
Speaker 1: styles is that sometimes the illusion of endless choices makes
8:22
Speaker 1: us really unable to give something out all and then ironically, well,
8:30
Speaker 1: I think which is ironic because only when you give
8:32
Speaker 1: something you're all can you really reap the benefits. And
8:34
Speaker 1: a prime example of this is the dating scene. You
8:38
Speaker 1: know a lot of people on dating apps, and I
8:39
Speaker 1: don't want to say all people on dating apps, because
8:41
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people who use dating apps
8:43
Speaker 1: who are very much like I'm really leaning into these connections.
8:46
Speaker 1: Really they're not like, let's cast the net wide and
8:48
Speaker 1: fucking whatever. But dating apps are a good example where
8:52
Speaker 1: you might encounter somebody that you've had a really good
8:55
Speaker 1: connection with and you think the banter was on point,
8:58
Speaker 1: we had so much fun, you know, the chat, the
9:01
Speaker 1: messages back and forth, this is so good. But this
9:03
Speaker 1: person just doesn't want to commit, and you can tell
9:06
Speaker 1: that they're kind of stringing multiple opportunities quote unquote along
9:11
Speaker 1: because they're kind of like, well, I'm just waiting for
9:13
Speaker 1: the perfect thing to roll around, the perfect thing to
9:15
Speaker 1: roll around. I get people saying to me, you know,
9:18
Speaker 1: how do you get what you and Tyrone have? You know,
9:21
Speaker 1: I want that spark, I want what you've got, and
9:23
Speaker 1: I'm going to wait around until exactly that happens. And
9:25
Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you that what I have with Tyrone,
9:28
Speaker 1: while it's always been good, I didn't have that level
9:31
Speaker 1: of love and passion on day one. How could I.
9:33
Speaker 1: I didn't know him. I didn't know him. I was
9:36
Speaker 1: attracted to his energy. I was attracted to him as
9:38
Speaker 1: a person, obviously, But you can't love somebody until you
9:42
Speaker 1: know them right, and you can't know somebody at the start.
9:45
Speaker 1: So a lot of people have this. They fool themselves
9:48
Speaker 1: thinking I'm waiting for perfection to roll around, so I'm
9:51
Speaker 1: going to cast the net wide and keep my options open.
9:53
Speaker 1: They do this with career, they do this with partners,
9:56
Speaker 1: they do this with so many with hobbies, with so
9:59
Speaker 1: many things. But like I said, ironically, it's only when
10:01
Speaker 1: you shut off all the other doors and lean in
10:05
Speaker 1: will you actually experience what it is that you're seeking
10:07
Speaker 1: in the first place. And that is true connection, true love,
10:11
Speaker 1: your passion, finding your thing. You know, there's people that
10:15
Speaker 1: have that thing that they love in their life, and
10:17
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I want that for me. It requires
10:20
Speaker 1: you shutting off other options and leaning heavily, which requires
10:23
Speaker 1: you sacrificing other options, other dates, other people that you
10:28
Speaker 1: could be dating, other career options as well. Okay, so
10:32
Speaker 1: I think we think that by doing that, it's going
10:33
Speaker 1: to make you miss out. So you spend your entire
10:36
Speaker 1: life living on the peripheral, not saying yes to a job,
10:38
Speaker 1: not committing to that great date, not taking things further
10:41
Speaker 1: because you want to keep your options open. But wanting
10:45
Speaker 1: to keep your options open is wanting to sit in potential. Okay,
10:49
Speaker 1: And potential is nothing unless it is realized, all right,
10:53
Speaker 1: And the only way you can realize your potential is
10:56
Speaker 1: by going further down that one path. You can not
11:00
Speaker 1: do every single path. Okay, You've got to be like,
11:02
Speaker 1: I've got potential in twenty things, but what am I
11:05
Speaker 1: actually going to action? Because every newborn baby has the
11:08
Speaker 1: potential to be a thousand things. Are they going to
11:10
Speaker 1: actually realize all those thousand things in their life? No,
11:13
Speaker 1: they're not. You've got to hone in, hone in, and
11:16
Speaker 1: as you hone in and get good at something, you're
11:18
Speaker 1: also saying no to a lot of other things. And
11:19
Speaker 1: that's just life. We've got to get very clear on that,
11:23
Speaker 1: and we've got to be willing to sacrifice in order
11:25
Speaker 1: to gain. Okay, cool, glad I covered that. Um Now
11:31
Speaker 1: I'm going to go over the seven different decision making styles.
11:35
Speaker 1: There's many different ones that are available online. A lot
11:38
Speaker 1: of them are like four main decision making styles, but
11:41
Speaker 1: I found these seven that I think cover most of
11:45
Speaker 1: the population. Okay, So don't at me if you're like,
11:48
Speaker 1: but I saw four here, and I saw six here,
11:50
Speaker 1: and I saw therese are just my favorite seven that
11:52
Speaker 1: I think applied to the majority of the population. All Right,
11:57
Speaker 1: And like I said, you know, different decision making styles
12:01
Speaker 1: for different circumstances and events in your life. Now, what's
12:05
Speaker 1: really important to realize is that these decision making styles
12:09
Speaker 1: that it's referring to approaches that people use to make
12:13
Speaker 1: a choice, or to solve a problem, or to handle
12:15
Speaker 1: uncertainty in their life, Okay, and they really influence how
12:19
Speaker 1: decisions are made, how their outcomes are achieved, how satisfied
12:23
Speaker 1: they're going to be with that outcome. So anyway, let's
12:27
Speaker 1: just get straight into it. Number one, and I want
12:29
Speaker 1: you to try and really think which one am I? Okay?
12:32
Speaker 1: Number one analytical decision making style. So this is people.
12:38
Speaker 1: So basically, people with an analytical style prefer to gather
12:42
Speaker 1: as much information as possible data data, data, data before
12:46
Speaker 1: they make the decision. They analyze information in depth, they're
12:50
Speaker 1: considering different angles, they're exploring, you know, this option or
12:55
Speaker 1: this option. They look at all the data right very analytical.
12:58
Speaker 1: The strengths is that analytical decision makers are very thorough,
13:02
Speaker 1: their data driven, and they're normally pretty good problem solvers
13:05
Speaker 1: because they are aware, they have the knowledge, They have
13:08
Speaker 1: a very good understanding, more so than a lot of
13:10
Speaker 1: people around them on that particular topic. The weakness is
13:14
Speaker 1: that this style leads to in many cases, paralysis by analysis,
13:18
Speaker 1: and this is where your decision is going to be
13:20
Speaker 1: severely delayed because you're overthinking, you need more information, you
13:24
Speaker 1: don't think you have enough information because you're used to
13:26
Speaker 1: having a lot of information. So an example of this
13:30
Speaker 1: would be an example of where this could really work
13:33
Speaker 1: could be when you're trying to decide on who you're
13:36
Speaker 1: going to vote for. Hopefully, I really hope that my
13:39
Speaker 1: audience is someone that can be very critical and analytical
13:43
Speaker 1: when it comes to who they vote for. I don't
13:45
Speaker 1: think anyone should have an emotional alliance to a political party.
13:48
Speaker 1: You should be able to criticize even the party you
13:51
Speaker 1: vote for. So this is where this would come in.
13:53
Speaker 1: Really handy. It's also when you're like, for example, if
13:56
Speaker 1: you're building a home, I want to choose the right
13:58
Speaker 1: builder or the right designer. You're going to going to
14:00
Speaker 1: have a look at things. You're not going to be like,
14:01
Speaker 1: oh I vibed that design I'm just going to hire
14:03
Speaker 1: them and not look at other people's work, you know.
14:06
Speaker 1: So this is where analytical decision making, you know, can
14:09
Speaker 1: really play in and be good. So if you're thinking
14:11
Speaker 1: where could I use this, it's kind of things like
14:13
Speaker 1: that where you can look at all the options and
14:15
Speaker 1: then make a decision when you're well informed. Okay. Number
14:18
Speaker 1: two is directive decision making style. So people with a
14:24
Speaker 1: directive style make quick decisions and they are action oriented people. Okay,
14:30
Speaker 1: So these are people that rely on their own experience,
14:32
Speaker 1: They rely on their own knowledge. Instead of trying to
14:36
Speaker 1: gather all this information, all this data, they're kind of
14:39
Speaker 1: looking at it from where they've come from in their life.
14:43
Speaker 1: So the strengths to this are they're efficient, decisive. They're
14:48
Speaker 1: really good in fast paced or high pressure environments as well,
14:50
Speaker 1: because they're like, yep, okay, yep, no, based on what
14:53
Speaker 1: I know from my experiences, I'm just going to go
14:55
Speaker 1: with this option or this option or whatever. Okay. The
14:59
Speaker 1: weakness is that it can sometimes result in it being
15:04
Speaker 1: too simplistic with their decision making. They can overlook details
15:08
Speaker 1: they might be bypassing like really important analysis that need
15:12
Speaker 1: to be made. So this directive decision making style is
15:15
Speaker 1: good for jobs and good for careers because you're kind
15:17
Speaker 1: of basing it more so on yourself and your experiences.
15:21
Speaker 1: And I feel like when it comes to careers and jobs,
15:23
Speaker 1: it's all well and good to understand all the careers
15:26
Speaker 1: out there and all the jobs out there, but you
15:27
Speaker 1: also have to really understand what works for you as
15:29
Speaker 1: an individual. It has to be biased to some degree
15:32
Speaker 1: because the job might be perfect for someone else, but
15:34
Speaker 1: it's not really perfect for you. Okay, So jobs is
15:37
Speaker 1: a good one. Number three conceptual decision making style. So
15:41
Speaker 1: conceptual decision makers. They're creative, They are bigger picture oriented,
15:47
Speaker 1: they look at alternatives, They love to seek out new ideas.
15:51
Speaker 1: They prefer a flexible approach to decision making. Okay, So
15:57
Speaker 1: the strengths they're innovative, You're thinking more long term about something,
16:02
Speaker 1: You're thinking bigger picture long term. You're also able to
16:05
Speaker 1: consider future impacts of whether you do it or whether
16:08
Speaker 1: you don't do it. Okay, will I regret not doing it?
16:10
Speaker 1: Will I? You know, a bigger picture, Okay, when I'm
16:12
Speaker 1: on my deathbed, how am I going to feel about this?
16:14
Speaker 1: Let's just jump in and do it or not. That's
16:17
Speaker 1: not going to serve me overall in the bigger picture.
16:19
Speaker 1: The weakness is that you might overlook really practical details,
16:24
Speaker 1: and because of that, the decisions sometimes are not as
16:27
Speaker 1: grounded and not as concrete. So there's like cracks in
16:31
Speaker 1: this decision and it sometimes doesn't really work out. So
16:34
Speaker 1: a really good example of this would be people that
16:38
Speaker 1: decide to move cities. If you were to move cities
16:41
Speaker 1: and you've never done it before, or for those of
16:44
Speaker 1: you who have a lot of people that move cities,
16:47
Speaker 1: they say, had I known how hard it was going
16:49
Speaker 1: to be the first year, I don't know if I
16:51
Speaker 1: would have done it, But long term, I'm really glad
16:53
Speaker 1: I did or had I known that? You know, Like
16:56
Speaker 1: it's often with like a really big endeavor. Sometimes this
17:01
Speaker 1: conceptual decision making style is very beneficial because it forces you.
17:05
Speaker 1: We're not really forces, but it's what is the push
17:08
Speaker 1: to actually do that hard thing right without focusing on
17:13
Speaker 1: the details. Because if you are a number one analytical
17:16
Speaker 1: decision maker and you're using analytical decision making style to
17:20
Speaker 1: decide if you're going to move cities or not, right,
17:23
Speaker 1: you probably won't move because you'll be like, fuck me
17:26
Speaker 1: all the shit to fuck it, like, no, this is
17:29
Speaker 1: where too much, whereas conceptual you're thinking, wow, my life
17:33
Speaker 1: could look like this. Yes, it's going to be difficult,
17:35
Speaker 1: but overall, this is something that I've always wanted to do.
17:37
Speaker 1: When I look back on my life, I would have
17:39
Speaker 1: wanted to live in another city. I'm just going to
17:41
Speaker 1: fucking go and do it. And once you've already taken
17:43
Speaker 1: that leap and gone to that country, you have no
17:45
Speaker 1: option but to do all those tedious, annoying fuck around
17:48
Speaker 1: things because you've already made the decision, which in a
17:51
Speaker 1: way is very helpful because you know it's actually nudged
17:55
Speaker 1: you to do that thing. Number four behavioral decision making style,
17:59
Speaker 1: So this is decision Behavioral decision makers are people oriented,
18:05
Speaker 1: so they prioritize the impact of what they decide and
18:10
Speaker 1: how that impacts other people around them. Okay, so they
18:13
Speaker 1: really value collaboration, working with other people. They value feedback
18:18
Speaker 1: from other people, from team members, from friends, from family.
18:21
Speaker 1: The strength is that this really promotes harmony buying from
18:25
Speaker 1: other people. It can lead to greater support from other
18:29
Speaker 1: people about your decision, which feels really good. The weakness
18:34
Speaker 1: is that this kind of decision maker might delay a
18:38
Speaker 1: decision because they want to avoid conflict. They really struggle
18:42
Speaker 1: to say no. Kind of people pleas are they sometimes
18:45
Speaker 1: compromise too much because they're just trying to accommodate other people.
18:48
Speaker 1: So then that's like basically a people pleaser, you know.
18:52
Speaker 1: That's the weakness. It could lead to that. So where
18:56
Speaker 1: this is beneficial or an example of this is where
19:00
Speaker 1: you are kind of leaning into what your group wants.
19:02
Speaker 1: If you're working in a team, you're really good team
19:05
Speaker 1: player because you're not trying to drive or steer the ship.
19:09
Speaker 1: You're not necessarily the leader, but you're a good team
19:11
Speaker 1: player because you're like, I want what the overall group wants.
19:14
Speaker 1: I want harmony. If you're someone that travels well in
19:17
Speaker 1: a group, it's probably because you are quite relaxed with
19:20
Speaker 1: your decisions and you're quite flexible because you want the
19:22
Speaker 1: group to be happy. Same with like a dinner booking.
19:24
Speaker 1: You want you know, I'm not gonna it's fine whatever
19:27
Speaker 1: the majority wants. I'm cool that kind of thing, and
19:30
Speaker 1: that can actually be quite it can reduce a lot
19:33
Speaker 1: of stress, but you don't want it. This is not
19:36
Speaker 1: a decision making style that you want when you're trying
19:38
Speaker 1: to make a decision that only directly impacts you, because
19:42
Speaker 1: then you're taking in too many people's opinions into account
19:44
Speaker 1: and then it stops you from doing these like bigger
19:46
Speaker 1: picture things in your life. Okay, Number five, we have
19:49
Speaker 1: intuitive decision making style. So this is people that rely
19:54
Speaker 1: on gut feelings, intuition, past experiences, their instincts, okay, rather
20:01
Speaker 1: than objective like data information that they've gathered or analysis
20:06
Speaker 1: or even necessarily based on past experiences, because sometimes it's
20:11
Speaker 1: not based on past experiences. So that's how it differs
20:13
Speaker 1: to the other one that I was talking about. What
20:15
Speaker 1: is it directive, which is based on your own experience
20:18
Speaker 1: and knowledge. So this is gut feelings, and if you're
20:24
Speaker 1: an intuitive decision maker, this is where you can make
20:27
Speaker 1: decisions quickly and you feel confident in your abilities or instincts.
20:31
Speaker 1: This is really good for people that actually are in
20:33
Speaker 1: tune with their gut feelings. If you are not sure
20:36
Speaker 1: about that, then I do have an episode on like
20:40
Speaker 1: intuition and gut feelings and how that's different to anxiety
20:43
Speaker 1: and things like that, So how to like tell the difference.
20:46
Speaker 1: The strengths is that it's very efficient, adaptable. It's effective
20:51
Speaker 1: when like you need an answer now, when it's necessary,
20:54
Speaker 1: and when there's limited data and you just need to
20:57
Speaker 1: make a call. Intuitive is good because you're like, I'm
20:59
Speaker 1: going to go with my gut and fucking lean in
21:01
Speaker 1: and just do that thing, okay. The weakness is that
21:04
Speaker 1: it can be really risky if the situation is quite complicated,
21:08
Speaker 1: all right, it might lead to decisions that aren't rational
21:12
Speaker 1: or don't have logic to back it up. So that's
21:16
Speaker 1: the weakness. But a good example of where intuitive decision
21:20
Speaker 1: making might really work for you is going on dates.
21:24
Speaker 1: For example, based on a gut feeling. You know, you
21:26
Speaker 1: meet someone, and I think meeting people is quite intuitive.
21:29
Speaker 1: People give off energy. I think that's where this decision
21:32
Speaker 1: making can really come in, Like into your favor. You
21:36
Speaker 1: meet someone, You're like, I don't know if they're my person,
21:39
Speaker 1: but I got a good energy from them. I got
21:41
Speaker 1: a good vibe I'm just gonna yep, I'm gonna go.
21:43
Speaker 1: Or the opposite. You meet someone and you're like, they
21:46
Speaker 1: look good on paper, but bad vibes. This person is
21:49
Speaker 1: a fucking bad egg. Like I can't put I can't
21:52
Speaker 1: explain why. That's all the information you need. You don't
21:55
Speaker 1: need to go on that bank. There you got. You
21:56
Speaker 1: don't need to like research this person any further. If
21:59
Speaker 1: you get a bad energy, you fucking bail number six.
22:03
Speaker 1: A lot of people of this one, so good times
22:06
Speaker 1: for my avoidant people. Avoidant decision making style characteristics. People
22:11
Speaker 1: with an avoidant decision tend to put off decisions because
22:16
Speaker 1: they avoid confrontation. They prefer to delay, or this is
22:20
Speaker 1: a big one, they prefer to delegate choices. They want
22:24
Speaker 1: other people around them to make the decision for them,
22:26
Speaker 1: or to steer it so far that you kind of
22:29
Speaker 1: have to make that decision right. The strengths is that
22:33
Speaker 1: you are cautious, which can be beneficial, you know, in
22:38
Speaker 1: preventing you know, rash decisions or not considering a decision properly.
22:44
Speaker 1: That's where it can be beneficial because it forces you
22:46
Speaker 1: to kind of wait and sit it out and really
22:48
Speaker 1: think it through and get other people involved in all
22:51
Speaker 1: of that. The weakness is this kind of procrastination and
22:55
Speaker 1: avoidance will lead to missed opportunities in your life, which
22:59
Speaker 1: then leads to stress. It leads to a level of
23:03
Speaker 1: dissatisfaction with where your life is headed, with just your
23:06
Speaker 1: life in general, and it doesn't resolve the decision that
23:10
Speaker 1: actually needs to be made because you're avoiding it altogether
23:13
Speaker 1: or you're giving it to somebody else to make the decision.
23:15
Speaker 1: So it's not ideal. So at the best, it's just
23:20
Speaker 1: not really ideal. So you know, this will come out
23:22
Speaker 1: in like I just don't want to have a conversation
23:24
Speaker 1: this particular difficult conversation. It's just not going to go
23:26
Speaker 1: down well or that. You know, it's just not gonna
23:28
Speaker 1: be good. So there's no real time where an avoidant
23:32
Speaker 1: decision making style is really going to benefit you. The
23:34
Speaker 1: only time that I actually think that avoidant decision making
23:37
Speaker 1: style is kind of beneficial is if you don't actually
23:43
Speaker 1: have the data and it doesn't directly impact you. Like
23:46
Speaker 1: if someone comes to me and says, what do I
23:49
Speaker 1: do about this? And they brief me on the issue,
23:52
Speaker 1: and the issue is something I have no good enough
23:55
Speaker 1: experience about and I feel like it would be wrong
23:57
Speaker 1: for me. Then I would be like, oh, you speak
24:00
Speaker 1: to this person. That's when I think avoidant comes in
24:02
Speaker 1: handy when you're when it's advice and you're like, I'm
24:05
Speaker 1: not equipped to give the right advice. Apart from that,
24:07
Speaker 1: I don't think it's actually helping you in any way.
24:10
Speaker 1: And we've all been there and we all still lean
24:12
Speaker 1: into these avoidant decision making styles all the time. And
24:16
Speaker 1: then last one number seven, and this is spontaneous decision
24:20
Speaker 1: making styles. So this spontaneous decision makers prefer to make quick,
24:24
Speaker 1: impulsive decisions without planning or data gathering. So this is speed,
24:28
Speaker 1: it's flexibility. This is beneficial in like situations requiring immediate action.
24:34
Speaker 1: But the but the weakness to this is it can
24:39
Speaker 1: be like a rushed choice. It lacks depth, it lacks foresight,
24:45
Speaker 1: it can potentially lead to negative consequences. But it's really
24:48
Speaker 1: cool if you're like, fuck it, I'm just gonna fucking
24:51
Speaker 1: do this thing. So an example of this is like
24:53
Speaker 1: I'm walking down the street and I'm fuck it, I'm
24:56
Speaker 1: gonna dune my hair blue. I'm going to get a
24:58
Speaker 1: haircut right now, like I did just going to buy
25:00
Speaker 1: that ticket to Paris. I'm just going to do it
25:02
Speaker 1: right now because it's spontaneous. Spontaneous decisions I think can
25:07
Speaker 1: be really beneficial in character building, and I think they're
25:12
Speaker 1: really good for you to teach you that even when
25:17
Speaker 1: that spontaneous decision doesn't go right, you learn to adapt.
25:21
Speaker 1: It makes you really adaptable. So I'm a big fan
25:23
Speaker 1: of spontaneous decision making styles, especially if it doesn't directly
25:27
Speaker 1: impact other people and you're not putting your relationships with
25:29
Speaker 1: other people at risk of being hurt. Okay, Now, like
25:34
Speaker 1: I said, so they're the seven. Like I said, different
25:39
Speaker 1: scenarios will require different decision making styles, so you can
25:42
Speaker 1: shift between the styles depending on context. But what do
25:46
Speaker 1: you do to kind of help you make better decisions? Because,
25:49
Speaker 1: like I said, I gave an example of how they
25:51
Speaker 1: would all apply in all things. But you might think, Wow,
25:55
Speaker 1: I'm just really avoidant and there's not many strengths that
25:58
Speaker 1: come from being an avoidant decision Or maybe I'm too
26:01
Speaker 1: spontaneous and then it's caused me to whatever, like not
26:04
Speaker 1: set my roots down, not really grow in something, or
26:06
Speaker 1: maybe whatever. Okay, So I want to give you a
26:09
Speaker 1: few points to think about. I think it's like four
26:12
Speaker 1: or five points. So that way you're able to really
26:15
Speaker 1: kind of dive, dive deep into your decision making style
26:18
Speaker 1: and it will help you make decisions better in the future.
26:21
Speaker 1: So the first thing is I want you to know
26:24
Speaker 1: what is your hierarchy of values or hierarchy of things
26:28
Speaker 1: that you deem important. Okay, what do you value the
26:33
Speaker 1: most personally? Okay, that's really important. I'll circle back to
26:37
Speaker 1: that in a second. Okay. And what I mean by
26:40
Speaker 1: that is what would you regret the most if you
26:43
Speaker 1: didn't do it, okay? Or what do you think would
26:48
Speaker 1: hurt the most throwing something away? So kind of like
26:52
Speaker 1: all these things that I'm talking about have to be
26:53
Speaker 1: linked to a deep sense of happiness. If you do
26:55
Speaker 1: the deathbed test and think, if I'm on my deathbed
26:58
Speaker 1: and I look back, will I regret not, like I
27:01
Speaker 1: said before, living that year abroad, or not just fucking
27:04
Speaker 1: dedicating the time and doing that course even though it's painful,
27:07
Speaker 1: and doing that thing, Or will I regret not living
27:09
Speaker 1: this kind of lifestyle or living, you know, having housemates
27:15
Speaker 1: One day, I just really want to experience having housemates
27:17
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. Whatever it is is this something
27:20
Speaker 1: that I'll look back on and be like, why the
27:22
Speaker 1: fuck didn't I just do it? Okay, Now, they do
27:26
Speaker 1: need to be linked to a deep sense of personal
27:29
Speaker 1: happiness because the reason why I say this is because
27:31
Speaker 1: most people are going to say. If you say, oh,
27:33
Speaker 1: what's the most important thing in your life, most people say, well, family,
27:36
Speaker 1: the people around me. Family is the most important thing,
27:38
Speaker 1: which is true for a lot of people. Family and friends,
27:40
Speaker 1: or you're number ones, you're inner circle, right, But I
27:44
Speaker 1: also want you to realize that you know, if someone's saying, okay, well,
27:48
Speaker 1: family is at the top of my list, but I
27:50
Speaker 1: live in a small town and i hate living in
27:52
Speaker 1: a small town, and I've got a deep desire to
27:54
Speaker 1: explore and to move countries. But families at the top
27:56
Speaker 1: of my list, then I need to stay here because
27:58
Speaker 1: they want me to stay here. Then you're not. So
28:00
Speaker 1: that's what I mean by it has to be personal
28:02
Speaker 1: and has to link to your own happiness as well,
28:05
Speaker 1: because while family is super important, it's very different to
28:08
Speaker 1: say I love my family, but I need adventure, versus
28:12
Speaker 1: I love my family and I'm desperate to start my
28:14
Speaker 1: own family. My number one thing I don't care to travel.
28:17
Speaker 1: I don't care for adventure. I just want to nest,
28:20
Speaker 1: want to have my own family. Notice the difference there.
28:22
Speaker 1: One is about personal creation of your own family versus
28:25
Speaker 1: your family that you love, but you having a desire
28:28
Speaker 1: outside of that. So we're talking personal desires, okay, so
28:33
Speaker 1: separate to obviously family. If it's not about creating your
28:36
Speaker 1: own family, I want you to think, like, in addition
28:40
Speaker 1: to loving your family, do you have you know, exploration?
28:46
Speaker 1: What do you value the most? Is it your independence?
28:48
Speaker 1: Is it adventure? Is it freedom? Is it stability? Is
28:52
Speaker 1: it security? And it's okay for things to also change
28:56
Speaker 1: in your life. Like in my twenties, my need for
29:01
Speaker 1: spontaneity an adventure was a lot higher than it is now. Okay,
29:05
Speaker 1: and I still have that bug. I don't think that
29:07
Speaker 1: bug will ever go. But I was even avoidant of
29:11
Speaker 1: setting my roots in my twenties. I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
29:14
Speaker 1: fuck that. Whereas now I do have roots that I've
29:17
Speaker 1: laid down and it feels really good. Okay. So that's
29:20
Speaker 1: a bit of an evolution. Some people evolve in the
29:22
Speaker 1: opposite direction, Okay, But I think it's really important to
29:26
Speaker 1: know ultimately at the end of the day. If I
29:29
Speaker 1: were to close my eyes and dream up my ideal
29:31
Speaker 1: life without other people's opinions getting in the way. What
29:33
Speaker 1: is the feeling that I value the most? Is it adventure?
29:37
Speaker 1: Is it? Security? Is it? Like? What is it? Because
29:40
Speaker 1: all of them are going to be valued, but some
29:42
Speaker 1: more than others. Okay, because there's some people out there
29:44
Speaker 1: that are massive homebodies, being like I have no fucking
29:46
Speaker 1: desire to travel, none whatsoever. I just want to like
29:49
Speaker 1: build a family, have a great like routine, have my people,
29:52
Speaker 1: have my cafe, have this, have that, and it's all
29:54
Speaker 1: the same and I love it. Okay, So you're valuing
29:57
Speaker 1: something different to what someone else values. Number two, This
30:20
Speaker 1: is important. Gather the relevant information. This is where most
30:25
Speaker 1: of us fuck up. We gather unnecessary, irrelevant information, and
30:30
Speaker 1: we add it to the fucking pile, and we listen
30:33
Speaker 1: to it as much as the relevant information. We give
30:35
Speaker 1: it as much airtime as relevant information. And I can
30:38
Speaker 1: tell you right now, if you are someone that is
30:40
Speaker 1: gathering irrelevant information, you're cock blocking yourself from making a
30:43
Speaker 1: decision that's right for you. So basically, spending too much
30:46
Speaker 1: time on something, overthinking something can talk anyone out of
30:51
Speaker 1: a good idea. If I have enough time with you,
30:53
Speaker 1: I can talk you out of the best idea that's
30:56
Speaker 1: ever come into your mind. Okay. And you will find
30:58
Speaker 1: that there are people in your life who love you,
31:01
Speaker 1: who are also capable of talking you out of a
31:03
Speaker 1: brilliant idea that could turn your life trajectory around. And
31:07
Speaker 1: it's not because they don't love it's because they see
31:09
Speaker 1: things differently to how you see them. They want things,
31:12
Speaker 1: maybe differently for you than what you want for yourself.
31:15
Speaker 1: They might not know what is best for you long term.
31:17
Speaker 1: All these reasons and why because they are not you. Okay,
31:21
Speaker 1: So when you are asking people for advice, and I've
31:26
Speaker 1: got a whole episode on this, but i'll quickly dove
31:28
Speaker 1: into it. When you're asking people for advice, I want
31:31
Speaker 1: you to think, why am I asking this person or
31:35
Speaker 1: involving this person in my decision making process? Or why
31:39
Speaker 1: am I involving this information into my decision making process?
31:42
Speaker 1: Why does this clown have firsthand experience in what it
31:47
Speaker 1: is that I'm doing. Do they view the world in
31:50
Speaker 1: a similar lens to me? Or do they live a
31:53
Speaker 1: life that I look up to? That's a huge one, like,
31:57
Speaker 1: do they take risks in a way that I wish
31:58
Speaker 1: I could take risks, adventurous in a way that I
32:01
Speaker 1: wish I was. Are they resilient? Are they a great
32:03
Speaker 1: family person? Have they made good career moves? Are they
32:05
Speaker 1: super stable? What traits do you look up to in
32:08
Speaker 1: a person and how is that relevant to you? Okay?
32:11
Speaker 1: And if you are struggling to find the answer to
32:14
Speaker 1: why you've asked this person for advice, then you're better
32:16
Speaker 1: off asking a fucking gerbil for advice then your sister,
32:21
Speaker 1: or your mother or your fucking father, right or best friend.
32:25
Speaker 1: If you can't answer the why why have I included
32:28
Speaker 1: this person into my decision making process? Because so often
32:33
Speaker 1: the reason we include someone in our decision making process
32:35
Speaker 1: is because they're close to us. Not good enough, not
32:39
Speaker 1: good enough. I've many people that are close to me
32:41
Speaker 1: who I adore, but I'm not looking up to them
32:44
Speaker 1: being like I want to live your life. I value
32:46
Speaker 1: their life. I think they've got a great life that
32:48
Speaker 1: serves them. But if I'm not like, wow, teach me,
32:52
Speaker 1: teach me your fucking ways. I need your advice, I
32:54
Speaker 1: fucking Wand why am I asking them for advice on
32:56
Speaker 1: that kind of thing? I can ask the advice. I'm like,
32:59
Speaker 1: what do you think about the outfit? If I really
33:01
Speaker 1: like their fashion? But if I'm talking about should I
33:03
Speaker 1: do this with my career? Should I do this with
33:04
Speaker 1: where I'm living? Should I want to? But I think
33:06
Speaker 1: that they've been conservative their whole life on their decisions,
33:08
Speaker 1: and they've been too scared to make a decision. Why
33:10
Speaker 1: the fuck am I asking this person right? How do
33:14
Speaker 1: they make decisions? And do I like it? All? Right?
33:17
Speaker 1: I could go on forever, because that's where most of
33:19
Speaker 1: us block ourselves. Number three, Know where your mind normally goes.
33:24
Speaker 1: What are your typical fears? Where do you normally back out?
33:27
Speaker 1: Where do you talk yourself out of things? What is
33:30
Speaker 1: your normal bias and where does it come from? Is
33:33
Speaker 1: it founded? Is it generational? Most of the time it is,
33:37
Speaker 1: Where are my biases? If your bias is always like
33:40
Speaker 1: I never take risks? My family always told me never
33:44
Speaker 1: to take risks, never to do these things, never to this.
33:46
Speaker 1: You know, I always have to study this career. So
33:49
Speaker 1: many of my listener questions are based around decisions around
33:54
Speaker 1: I really want to do this, but I'm letting people down.
33:57
Speaker 1: I really want to do this, but my family would
33:59
Speaker 1: just never understand. And do you know how much you
34:04
Speaker 1: will regret this feeling if you base your decisions around
34:10
Speaker 1: not wanting to let people down, Because in the process
34:13
Speaker 1: of not wanting to let someone down, you will let
34:15
Speaker 1: yourself down when it comes to making a decision that's
34:18
Speaker 1: based around you. The only time you should be thinking
34:22
Speaker 1: about I don't want to let this person down is
34:24
Speaker 1: if it directly impacts that person. But when you're making
34:28
Speaker 1: a personal decision about your career, about where you live,
34:31
Speaker 1: about your love life, about how you choose to direct
34:33
Speaker 1: your life, then you shouldn't. Your focus should never be
34:37
Speaker 1: on letting someone down, because I don't think it's possible
34:40
Speaker 1: to really let someone down. When someone has expectations on
34:43
Speaker 1: how you should live your life, that is their delusion.
34:46
Speaker 1: They created a delusion and are choosing to make it fact.
34:50
Speaker 1: But that's their problem. It's not your problem. It feels
34:53
Speaker 1: like it's your problem because that's been the norm, but
34:56
Speaker 1: it's actually not your problem. Okay, So you've got to
34:59
Speaker 1: decide am I going to make this my problem or
35:01
Speaker 1: am I not? Okay? And it's not easy. I'm not saying, oh,
35:04
Speaker 1: who gives a fuck? But what you're parents sing, But
35:06
Speaker 1: you gotta start asking yourself these questions because there's too hard.
35:09
Speaker 1: There's the heart of like, I gotta push past it.
35:11
Speaker 1: They're gonna be disappointed at the start, but then they're
35:12
Speaker 1: gonna get used to the new me. It's fine, will
35:14
Speaker 1: survive versus I'm on my deathbed and I'm looking back
35:17
Speaker 1: being like, wow, I was a fucking spineless Can't I
35:20
Speaker 1: let everyone dictate everything just because I didn't want to
35:22
Speaker 1: let people down? What's it gonna be? Only you can decide,
35:27
Speaker 1: And then of course ask yourself, is it founded? Is
35:29
Speaker 1: it generational? What is my weakness? When it comes to
35:31
Speaker 1: making decisions. When you're clear on your weaknesses, especially when
35:34
Speaker 1: you can identify with where your weaknesses mainly lie in
35:37
Speaker 1: that the seven different styles, then it's so much easier
35:40
Speaker 1: to be like, well, I prefer this style for that,
35:42
Speaker 1: and listen back to this episode, listen back to those
35:44
Speaker 1: seven styles, and be like, wow, I've got this big
35:46
Speaker 1: decision coming up, which one can I lean into? And
35:48
Speaker 1: then do more research on that style that you like
35:52
Speaker 1: for this big decision or at work or whatever. And
35:56
Speaker 1: then the last thing that I want to reiterate is
36:01
Speaker 1: this problem that a lot of people have with like
36:06
Speaker 1: the inability to back themselves. It's like, I can't back myself.
36:09
Speaker 1: I really struggle to back myself. Okay, So you can't
36:13
Speaker 1: back yourself, so you want others to back you. That's
36:16
Speaker 1: why you ask people for opinions. That's why you want
36:19
Speaker 1: to make the decision as a group. That's why you
36:20
Speaker 1: don't want to let people down, because you want others
36:22
Speaker 1: to back you, and in doing so, they end up
36:26
Speaker 1: talking you out of it, they end up steering you
36:28
Speaker 1: in a different direction. They end up doing the opposite
36:30
Speaker 1: of backing you in a lot of cases. Okay, and
36:33
Speaker 1: then you're left being like, well, I can't back myself
36:37
Speaker 1: because at every given opportunity, I've just realized that it's
36:41
Speaker 1: not going to be a good decision, or I can't
36:42
Speaker 1: do that, or I don't think I've got the balls
36:44
Speaker 1: to do that. But unfortunately, no one can actually do
36:47
Speaker 1: it for you. Okay, you're the only one that can
36:49
Speaker 1: back yourself. Other people can't really back you the way
36:52
Speaker 1: that you can back yourself because no one No one's
36:55
Speaker 1: there when the lights go off at night, when your
36:57
Speaker 1: head hits the pillow. Backing yourself is you you being
37:00
Speaker 1: there for you emotionally, whether you make the right decision
37:04
Speaker 1: or whether you made the wrong decision, which has probably
37:05
Speaker 1: steered you into a different right decision. By the way,
37:08
Speaker 1: and backing yourself is not about having a guarantee. I
37:12
Speaker 1: think a lot of people think, oh, if I back myself,
37:14
Speaker 1: I just want to know, I just want to know
37:15
Speaker 1: that it's the right decision. That defeats the purpose of
37:18
Speaker 1: backing yourself. The reason you need to back yourself is
37:20
Speaker 1: because there's no guarantee. You're saying, I'm going to back this,
37:24
Speaker 1: just like an investor backs a company not knowing the outcome.
37:29
Speaker 1: But I'm willing to invest because I see potential in you,
37:33
Speaker 1: because I see growth in you, because I see that
37:35
Speaker 1: you can actually do this. That's what happens when you
37:36
Speaker 1: back yourself. I think a lot of people think backing
37:38
Speaker 1: yourself means it's a done deal, it's a sure thing.
37:40
Speaker 1: You wouldn't need to back yourself it was one hundred
37:42
Speaker 1: percent going to happen. The point of backing yourself is
37:45
Speaker 1: being like, regardless of the outcome, I am there for myself.
37:48
Speaker 1: I am going to be happy that I did it.
37:49
Speaker 1: I'm going to be proud of myself that I tried,
37:51
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be the one who's there to
37:52
Speaker 1: pick myself up when I fall down. If I fall down.
37:55
Speaker 1: So it's not saying that it's a sure thing. So
37:57
Speaker 1: now I'm going to be confident with a guaranteed thing.
38:00
Speaker 1: There is no bravery in a guaranteed thing. Okay. Backing
38:06
Speaker 1: yourself is all about being vulnerable and putting yourself out
38:10
Speaker 1: there when you don't actually know the answer. It's trusting
38:12
Speaker 1: in yourself, okay. And when you become okay that it
38:16
Speaker 1: didn't work out how it planned, then you were able
38:19
Speaker 1: to back yourself so much more because you're able to
38:21
Speaker 1: realize you can reroute, you can pick yourself back up,
38:24
Speaker 1: you can change course, you can be like, well, that
38:26
Speaker 1: fucked up, but that I can work with and now
38:28
Speaker 1: I can, you know, maybe go down this pathway and
38:31
Speaker 1: ma and before you know it, you're doing a completely
38:33
Speaker 1: different career in something that you absolutely love. But it's
38:36
Speaker 1: not what you thought you'd be when you started, you know.
38:38
Speaker 1: And the truth is that every single one of you
38:41
Speaker 1: is actually capable of backing yourself. You just haven't given
38:44
Speaker 1: yourself the chance. You haven't just gone out on a
38:47
Speaker 1: limb far enough or you haven't given yourself credit for
38:51
Speaker 1: when you've backed yourself in the past. So sometimes people think, well,
38:55
Speaker 1: I did back myself and then I failed. Well, you
38:58
Speaker 1: still deserve credit for that because you know dead are you?
39:00
Speaker 1: You're here? You lived, you survived, and you moved on.
39:03
Speaker 1: So you should be giving yourself credit for the times
39:05
Speaker 1: that you backed yourself and it didn't work out. They
39:06
Speaker 1: are the times that you should be giving yourself credit for,
39:09
Speaker 1: because that's when it really is important to back yourself.
39:13
Speaker 1: When something actually does work out, yeah great, that's where
39:15
Speaker 1: everyone gets all the accolades. I backed myself and I
39:18
Speaker 1: got successful, then I did it. Yeah cool. What about
39:20
Speaker 1: the times that you backed yourself and it didn't work
39:22
Speaker 1: out and you tried again. That's what needs to be celebrated.
39:24
Speaker 1: That's where you need to shine the light on and think, see,
39:27
Speaker 1: I was there for myself and I'm picking myself up
39:29
Speaker 1: again and I'm doing it again, and that's proof that
39:31
Speaker 1: if this doesn't work, I'm still gonna be okay. All right,
39:36
Speaker 1: So that's what I want you to think about. And
39:37
Speaker 1: then the last one is write the decision down right
39:42
Speaker 1: what you're trying to decide. Put the main points I
39:46
Speaker 1: don't want you like relevant points. Like I said before,
39:48
Speaker 1: stop bringing in irrelevant shit that it's not gonna help
39:51
Speaker 1: you directly relevant points, and then sleep on it. Allow
39:56
Speaker 1: your brain to do a bit of the work without
39:58
Speaker 1: your conscious fears always coming in. Just sleep on it
40:01
Speaker 1: as well. Sometimes going round around and around and around
40:04
Speaker 1: around can be a little bit detrimental because you start
40:06
Speaker 1: to Like I said, you can talk yourself even out
40:08
Speaker 1: of the best idea if you give yourself enough time.
40:10
Speaker 1: And then I also want you to set a time
40:13
Speaker 1: limit to that decision. If it's a big decision, make
40:15
Speaker 1: it a week. If it's a medium decision, make it
40:18
Speaker 1: three days. If it's a small decision, make it an
40:20
Speaker 1: hour or less. You can minimize that time for everything, Okay,
40:24
Speaker 1: And I just really hope that this helps you with
40:26
Speaker 1: your decisions. If you're sitting on a big decision right now,
40:28
Speaker 1: hopefully this has helped you steer you into making a
40:34
Speaker 1: better decision or just backing yourself in general. All right,
40:39
Speaker 1: and then just remind yourself again, it's not about making
40:41
Speaker 1: the right decision. It's about making the decision right. Once
40:44
Speaker 1: all is said and done, what are you going to
40:47
Speaker 1: do about it? That is the main thing. Guys, I
40:49
Speaker 1: love you so much. Thank you for tuning in, thank
40:51
Speaker 1: you for listening. Please continue to share my podcast toward
40:54
Speaker 1: your best friends and all the people that you think
40:56
Speaker 1: would benefit from it. Rate and review the podcast because
41:00
Speaker 1: it always helps. And for those of you that are
41:02
Speaker 1: commenting on all the videos on Spotify, I love reading
41:06
Speaker 1: your comments. It is fucking iconic, the epic, and I
41:09
Speaker 1: do read them all. I try and get replied to
41:12
Speaker 1: as many as I can, and I don't get through
41:14
Speaker 1: to all of them, but I love reading all your comments.
41:17
Speaker 1: And then also I love that people are enjoying video
41:20
Speaker 1: as well. A spotoma. Anyway, that is all for today,
41:22
Speaker 1: I'm rambling. Go and make a decision. Just go and
41:25
Speaker 1: make a decision right now, just to kick start the day.
41:28
Speaker 1: As always, be kind to yourself, be kind to your brain.
41:31
Speaker 1: Don't text it from anyone, and especially don't text it
41:33
Speaker 1: from yourself. Don't it