Latest / Tone It Down / Beyond the Workout: Community Conversations, Emily’s Story of Resilience and Trusting Yourself Through a Diagnosis and Adversity

Transcript

Beyond the Workout: Community Conversations, Emily’s Story of Resilience and Trusting Yourself Through a Diagnosis and Adversity · Tone It Down

• 0:00
  I no longer feel resentful or like I have to work out or be active. I'm like I can go outside
• 0:04
  and I can move around and I can just bask in nature and that's something I couldn't do for a while.
• 0:11
  Hello, hello, it's Karina Don and welcome back to Poonit Down podcast. I am so excited that you're
• 0:31
  here because we are starting something really new together on Tonitown podcast and let me tell you
• 0:38
  today's guest. What started as DMs with Emily, a TIU tame gal for over a decade,
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  if we were DMing over favorite spots in Palm Springs like townie bagels and the dog friendly spot
• 0:51
  booze hounds and how Emily was once a manager at my favorite Austin plays ski shores. If you follow me
• 0:58
  on Instagram, you see me at ski shores on the water all the time and then it turned to chats about
• 1:03
  cancer diagnosis and navigating life and fitness after this big diagnosis. This sparked an idea
• 1:10
  in me of episodes on Tonitown podcast called Beyond the Workout Community Conversations where I
• 1:18
  sit down and have these conversations with you. We share stories and get to know each other more
• 1:24
  why we work out what our goals are and our dreams and hey we come here for the workout and stay
• 1:31
  for the community connection and the friendships and my hope is that through these conversations we
• 1:37
  continue to grow, have empathy and support for one another and thank you Emily for doing the first
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  brave thing reaching out. I always say like take away the what if what if not and that is a brave move
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  just to say I have something to say and I want to share my story because I really do think
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  it could help someone else. So we sat down at my place in Palm Springs in the backyard actually
• 2:04
  under uh right where we filmed the Radiate and Rise challenge that is launching May 4th and
• 2:11
  your Tonitown app so we were right on set right there and speaking of we do have an event the day
• 2:18
  before Radiate and Rise launches so on May 3rd NLA I'm going to put the link in the show notes.
• 2:25
  It's in El Segundo Manhattan Beach area. Tonitup workout live with Steph and China is going to be
• 2:32
  there some of your other Tonitup trainers are going to make cameos and say hi so you can meet
• 2:37
  them in real life. We have a workout, a meditation, we're doing a live recording of the Tonitown
• 2:43
  podcast where you get to come on the mic and ask questions to your trainers and then we'll hang out
• 2:49
  and we also have a fun Tonitup nostalgia trivia game hosted by a special guest with really fun
• 2:57
  prices so go check out the link in the show notes make sure you're RSVP we also have um a VIP gift
• 3:05
  bag of some fav Tonitup products for the first 30 it's BYO matte yeah so I can't wait to see
• 3:12
  you all there a lot of you have already RSVPed I'm not asking for I'm not asking for the limit we're
• 3:21
  going to get everybody in okay we are getting everyone in to hang out so before we get in the
• 3:26
  conversation also if you want to sit down with me for community conversation chat or you have
• 3:33
  questions, comments, ideas for guests on the pod you can email it's easy to remember
• 3:38
  tonitdown at tonitup.com that's tonitdown at tonitup.com or you can leave me a voicemail with
• 3:46
  questions or comments to be shared on a future episode at carina dawn dot com slash message
• 3:54
  and thank you so much for being here it fills my heart to have this way to talk to you every week
• 4:00
  don't forget we also post these conversations on youtube so you can watch it there and then
• 4:06
  listen to it anywhere make sure you hit subscribe on youtube make sure you hit subscribe however
• 4:10
  you listen to your podcast so you don't miss an app and we can keep hanging out all right enjoy
• 4:19
  this episode share it with someone who needs to hear it someone you love someone that you just
• 4:25
  want to reach out to all right have a beautiful day and enjoy Emily welcome thank you so much
• 4:34
  so excited to be here tonitdown podcast we're sitting here on the set of your summer challenge
• 4:42
  ready and rise you were just mentioning the dumbbells that bobby spray painted clocked them
• 4:49
  these are them this was his demise by the way it ended up taking days really yeah why
• 4:58
  let me tell you the process he drove an hour to pick them up use Facebook marketplace it's
• 5:06
  gonna save marketplace yeah got them here sanded them clean them primed them and then you had to
• 5:13
  spray paint them like in different layers right in different colors that's more DIY than I have in
• 5:20
  me I think yeah same same and result though in result I was like brilliant idea I think he
• 5:27
  resented me at one point I was like this was never my idea never my idea but it looks great it just
• 5:33
  makes your marriage stronger in the end so it's fine thank you so I was going to get us
• 5:40
  Tony bagels but I never left the house today I got one this morning I did it I had to I was talking
• 5:47
  to bobby this morning I was like I'm gonna get like a vans bagel and a towny bagel and see if she
• 5:51
  can taste test I would die if you did that I would love that and I would totally do it like I would
• 5:56
  get it saying it so I didn't leave the house yet all I didn't have three bagels in me so we're good
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  I actually thought about texting you to be like do you want a towny bagel but then it would have
• 6:06
  been hours old so we really had the same same intentions today so if you come to Palm Springs go to
• 6:11
  towny it's the best all right so this is one of the probably the second community conversations
• 6:18
  for a ton of down which I want to do more of we've been DMing for off and on I've DMed you
• 6:25
  for years not hopefully a creepy way but no responding to meditations or giving feedback and
• 6:31
  everything but then I think we started just chatting a little bit here and there about Palm Springs
• 6:35
  and Austin stuff and then when you started the podcast I sent a message saying I thought it was
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  amazing and would love to be involved in some way and here we are and here we are in Palm Springs
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  so Emily you have such an incredible story but even with these community conversations I just want
• 6:54
  to get down to we were just discussing them in the house like just at this point in our life
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  making connections with people and I think like the conversations that mean a lot are
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  before and after the workouts yes absolutely the workouts are just a conduit for the real connection
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  I think that's how I feel when I work out with friends or yeah connect over shared passions or
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  how easy yeah yeah so you work in PR I work in PR I'm based in San Diego now but like you I used to
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  live in Austin and from Seattle originally and my husband and I moved to San Diego during the pandemic
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  in 2021 just for a change we needed more sun I've always worked in hospitality like restaurants bars
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  hotels love to travel and I've kind of parlayed that over the years into a career in hospitality
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  PR marketing right now I'm a PR director at I think agency in San Diego working with different
• 7:48
  mostly California travel destinations and Utica Madrid hotels too so how did you find toned
• 7:54
  up back in the day and why and what's that connection I was thinking about this last night I can't
• 8:00
  pinpoint the moment I found it but I know it was on YouTube and I know it wasn't Austin it was
• 8:06
  definitely in like 2012 and I'd always been one of those people who's like I'll just go to the gym
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  and run on the treadmill or go on the elliptical I was wanting something more as I got into my 20s
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  and like not to cheat any other trainers I tried to see Anderson for a while and I was like
• 8:21
  this isn't really like the vibe I wanted and I literally just like went on YouTube and I was like
• 8:26
  workouts for women fun weights and like toned up came up and I was like I like this vibe and I
• 8:32
  love the beach and I just started doing workouts at home toned it up was the first time I ever
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  lifted more than like five pound weights and I've been a lot of people tell you that but the best
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  vibe at the best time similar age my favorite colors were teal and blush like I was like this is
• 8:46
  great like it was just the perfect fit at the time and I've been falling toned up now through every
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  iteration the nutrition plan the apps I think I entered a bikini series like challenge at some point
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  which I found in my old emails and I was like oh don't I'm glad I did not win
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  they're like amateur hour they're like I think they're from like 2015 I mean like an iPhone
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  photo in a mirror and like a tire print bikini and I was like oh no and it's of the time for sure
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  but don't you love like now to be able to look back at the time yes and I look at myself and
• 9:22
  2008 2009 and then now I mean I just turned 45 a few days ago and it's so interesting to look at
• 9:31
  like the health trends in the community and all of the transitions and all of our lives that have
• 9:37
  happened over the years and to look back and like laugh and like take it in and yes just all the
• 9:44
  things yeah definitely and I made friends like I was very active on Instagram and I had like hashtag
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  Tia you Austin and I met other girls and we'd have meetups you need to watch the Bravo show oh my god
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  yeah it'd be all made like nutrition plan snacks like it was a whole thing I'm sorry but I want
• 10:02
  us to go like come back around to that because it wasn't really fun time but now I feel like we
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  went through so much growth and change and you also with your diagnosis which we'll get to
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  and just to come back together and feel like the community is here at this point in our life
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  I would love to see what some of those girls are up to we all did the pandemic lives and everything
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  too like there was the same people you know going to all the lives and all the meditation saying hey
• 10:32
  what's up and as time went on you just kind of lose touch with the people that you saw on Instagram
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  all the time and I was thinking again last night just reflecting like I haven't really connected
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  to talk to a lot of those people or even sadly like remember that much about them beyond just like
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  that connection we shared at the time it would be really cool to have some like reunions I love that
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  are there any people that you were connected with who kept you motivated that you remember
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  their Instagram handles oh no don't put me on the spot oh gosh you know if she's listening this
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  is going to sound very weird probably but there was a girl Casey who we just we never met in
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  person because we met on like the kind of like quarantine lives but we just became friends and
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  started dimming and checking in with each other all the time and then she kind of stopped posting
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  after a few years went by and I moved and everything but she was one of those people who I always
• 11:28
  look forward to getting a DM from we're seeing on on when the lives are just like see see are you
• 11:34
  are you in Seattle still like you know there's like little kind of a femoral relationships that you
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  build yeah but they're really meaningful at the time well I feel in today's society too 40 plus
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  where you want to make connection friendships and everyone moves through so many you know we get
• 11:53
  married we have children I have seven pomeranians we all get seven pomeranians and it's all downhill
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  from it's downhill but just that connection that's still there but I want to talk to you obviously
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  you've reached out and wanted to talk about how your fitness has changed and your diagnosis
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  and your life and how quickly things can change yeah absolutely I have had a very unexpected
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  and kind of rocky past six to nine months it would be like last August now I was diagnosed with
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  a rare head and neck cancer and I mean I could ramble on and on about the whole thing but
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  it just felt so almost unfair because I was like I've been a ton of growth since my 20s I don't
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  smoke I eat healthily I work out six days a week I try to have good habits like these things
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  don't happen to me right I'm young I was 39 I just turned 40 it felt surreal and I'm not
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  saying if you don't have a perfect diet or you don't work out you deserve or should be obviously
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  getting sick I don't think that at all but it just felt so surreal it felt like if something
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  happened to someone in a movie not me very long story short I just had a tiny lump in my neck
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  that didn't feel right and took a lot of prodding and asking you going to different specialists
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  do you think get this diagnosis no one dismissed me I didn't I know a lot of women go through
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  experiences where they're just told no you're fine no one outright dismissed me but I have a lot
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  of doctors even specialists and people are really trusting it's probably nothing Emily like it's
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  probably nothing I just really had a bad feeling I got it removed didn't hear anything for weeks
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  and weeks and then it's funny how quickly things can change I was getting ready for like this
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  woman's hospitality luxury retreat and I get a phone call from my ENT and he's like hey I have to
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  talk to you we just got a surprising call from a lab what we thought was nothing is actually it's
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  called adenoid cystic carcinoma it's a very rare net cancer it can be very aggressive and we
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  need you to go see an oncologist right away and I even saying these words to you now I feel my heart
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  like yeah and like feel the anxiety rising because I was like how can how can that be so my fitness
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  has changed a lot I went through one and then another major next surgery I had to take time off
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  really moving my neck you can't really tell me I know you totally can and this is what's
• 14:28
  amazing about human body like you can see a little bit of stuff going on back there but
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  take a little bruising back here and there's some scars but right after I had my second surgery in
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  October I felt like Frankenstein like I didn't want to leave the house for a couple weeks my face
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  and neck were so swollen I obviously was not working out or lifting it sounds silly and
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  kind of petty because of course you're thinking about life and death but I was like how's this
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  gonna affect like I work so hard in the gym and my workout schedule and I don't want to gain a bunch
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  of weight or lose a bunch of weight like I want to be me I want to be active and that was a really
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  hard thing to reconcile and then I had to go through almost two months of radiation treatment
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  it didn't have to do chemo which is a huge blessing my hair goes up to new end who goes through that
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  because I know that's very challenging but I did proton radiation seven weeks five days a week
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  you cannot miss it you go in a table and they pull you in a big machine and you're like pinned
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  down and basically they're shooting these super powerful lasers at your head and you just
• 15:32
  have to stay in one place and take it and it's not painful but there are a lot of side effects
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  and again a lot of neck injury and you're kind of like this whole part of my face is numb
• 15:43
  which is weird so it's it's been a physical challenge to say the least how did you manage that
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  with your husband that's a great question he's amazing yeah it was really hard for him I'm like the
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  little energetic outgoing yeah yeah what and he's like very like calm gentle giant he doesn't
• 16:06
  want to like put all his feelings on the table and when I first told him I think he was kind of
• 16:10
  in disbelief and he's like what my husband seems Rob I ran into like his office super
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  both work from home and so Rob it is cancer it is cancer he's like slow down like what are you
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  talking about and I was like I just got a call from the doctor it's cancer he's like no what else
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  you know he he was kind of in disbelief he's been there for me and I know he has told me it's
• 16:31
  hard because he wants to do more I think it's really difficult I know you have gone through
• 16:36
  this with family members in different ways but when you're seeing someone in pain and you can't
• 16:42
  help them you're not a doctor right you can't really reach out and do anything for them he says
• 16:46
  be there for them okay so you as do you like to be called patient like what is the word I know I
• 16:54
  don't know I don't have it yeah as the as the well in any time of grief you always wonder like how
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  can I be there for someone that I love so much and they're going through their own pain
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  and I'm everyone's going through trauma and pain yes I guess my question is like what is your advice
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  to someone the partner how can they be there for you and then for you like just what you need
• 17:21
  from friends and family as a great question and I know it's something that comes up a lot in
• 17:25
  situations like this for me and I think a lot of people who have gone through loss or
• 17:30
  hardship or medical issues would say the same thing whether it's to your partner or to your friends
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  or family I don't always want to ask for what I need I want you to maybe tell me what you're
• 17:43
  going to do for me and that sounds kind of selfish but for example I had a group of my girl friends
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  sent me like a big fat like door-dash gift card they're like when you're laid up and you need some
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  food and you can't move door-dash it here's here you go right I would never come to my friends and
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  say hey friends will you give me money for door-dash that feels weird I don't like asking for help
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  in that way you know but to just get that gift even though it's small it's like one less thing
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  off my plate not my husband's plate and we're dealing with all this so I think sometimes
• 18:12
  just being proactive I know I don't get as frustrated but I've had friends who've gone through
• 18:16
  hard situations you say I hate when people say let me know what I can do for you or how can I help
• 18:20
  you because I want to say I'm like I get it people just don't know what to say so they try to say
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  anything yeah yeah but I do think if you're a friend or a family member just saying this is
• 18:29
  what I'm going to do for you or like hey sometime next week I'm bringing you dinner you tell me
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  the day and time it'll be there something like that so it just takes the burden of asking or
• 18:38
  explaining off the the patient or the the person what is it like fun I love fun I also don't
• 18:50
  like see like cancer warrior like yeah that's just not how I feel necessarily but the cancer
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  ever oh my god all right we need help here we need help yeah for partners I think just being there
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  just taking the little again the little things like hey I'm gonna take the dogs up hey I'm
• 19:12
  gonna vacuum hey I'm going to the store is there anything you want or need just those extra
• 19:17
  little steps to take anything you can off this loved ones plate because when you're driving an
• 19:23
  hour plus round trip to radiation and laying on the table for 45 minutes and your neck hurts and
• 19:29
  you're tired and you have nausea you don't want to think about going to the store or taking the
• 19:33
  dogs up right so just those those little things make a big difference so what's your
• 19:39
  trajectory like where are you now I'm in a pretty good place I definitely spiraled at first and
• 19:45
  was like this is it you know and I was about to turn 40 and I was like I just got to make it to my
• 19:49
  40th and now of course that I've that was a silly kind of mental milestone I mean it's my 40th
• 19:55
  a month ago I made it to 45 I'm like like we keep going yeah so the kind of carcinoma I have is very
• 20:06
  strange you get assigned a survivor ship nurse who after you go through treatment successfully
• 20:12
  guides you and checks them with you every month and I just had an appointment with her like a week
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  go and I was saying like I mean what happens now like everyone says this kind of carcinoma can come
• 20:22
  back and I was lucky to catch it at stage one but she said well you know some head and that cancer
• 20:27
  you remove something you do some treatment and you're considered cancer free a lot aren't like that
• 20:32
  mine is not like that it's hard to ever say you're cancer free you'll never have it again you have
• 20:39
  to get scans every three months then every six months then every year for the rest of your life
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  and she was saying she's treated people for 20 plus years whose cancer hasn't come back
• 20:50
  they've also treated people for three five six years and the cancer comes back and it is no longer
• 20:57
  a death sentence like it used to be years ago but you might have to have more surgery you might have
• 21:02
  deradiation again you might have to look at other treatments but there's many things that can
• 21:09
  happen in many options it's not blocker weight the biggest thing they tell me is no matter how good
• 21:15
  you feel and no matter how cancer free you feel you always have to keep coming back and getting
• 21:20
  checked up so you always have to keep getting scanned the worst thing you can do is say I don't want
• 21:24
  to go through that again and ignore it so the rest of my life which I hope is very long I will be
• 21:30
  going in for scans and they check out like your entire top half of your body just to make sure
• 21:35
  nothing spread and everything's in this right place so what have you learned to appreciate more
• 21:42
  than ever gosh everything yeah I've worked with a therapist this whole time she's amazing and she's
• 21:50
  helped me so much with mindfulness and gratitude and obviously such an obvious answer but your health
• 21:56
  really is everything you don't realize how precious it is until you don't have it and even the
• 22:03
  little things like I've been going back to the gym and my next always going to be a little messed up
• 22:08
  but I can lift heavy again I can do a ton of upwork out and jump around and feel great and never ever
• 22:13
  ever taking that for granted if I ever wake up and have a day where I don't feel like working out
• 22:16
  or I'm going to like a gym class of my neighborhood and it's really hard and I'm like oh I hate
• 22:19
  this move I'm like and so glad I'm doing this right now like I no longer feel resentful or like I
• 22:24
  have to work out or be active I'm like I can go outside and I can move around and I can just
• 22:30
  bask in nature and that's something I couldn't do for a while and a lot of people can't do so
• 22:36
  that's a huge one I would say that my capacity for gratitude and true mindfulness has expanded
• 22:44
  hundredfold when I first got diagnosed I had a really hard time finding gratitude meditating I tried
• 22:51
  to meditate I couldn't my therapist told me right in your gratitude journal I couldn't I was like
• 22:55
  what is there to be grateful for how am I supposed to meditate in here and now I'm so afraid of the
• 22:59
  future I had this big kind of creative and mental block and I think I had some suppressed anger
• 23:05
  but as time goes on there's radical acceptance and learning what you can it can't control and
• 23:11
  now I truly have a new appreciation for living in the moment and in the day because and I know like
• 23:18
  on China's episode she just actually talked about this too like kind of if you're always worried about
• 23:22
  what's going to happen next and controlling it you're never enjoying where you are right now
• 23:26
  and that resonates with me so much more now if I am sitting here with you just thinking
• 23:32
  cancer cancer cancer I'm not enjoying this amazing moment we're having together if I am thinking
• 23:38
  what if I die what you know like every moment of every day what's the point of living
• 23:44
  in the great moments and the fun moments so it's really been an interesting way to learn
• 23:49
  that lesson but I think I have more capacity for mindfulness and just being in every moment
• 23:55
  than I ever did before I think that's really important and I'm in that period of my life too
• 24:00
  yeah yeah I just want to be like I'm talking to you when I see this beauty around us and
• 24:06
  like I'm so grateful for it and I think back to myself even 10 years ago five years ago like did
• 24:16
  I appreciate this moment this connection the gift that it is I think that is also just the gift
• 24:24
  of time and wisdom as we get older too I look back on really special memories and I'm like
• 24:29
  was I fully present was I in the moment did I really realize how good I had it but I think
• 24:35
  that's like the good old days like you're always going to look back and see these things like I
• 24:39
  didn't know how good it was or think about my wedding or my 40th birthday I was like almost in
• 24:44
  this like I had a big party I wanted to celebrate and find all my friends and family from all over
• 24:50
  and I was like I need to enjoy every second of this but oh I was like okay but I need to let go
• 24:54
  too because you can't tell yourself be in the moment be in the moment because then you're not in
• 24:57
  the moment you just have to be in the moment your 40th birthday what did you do I like to think of
• 25:02
  it as a month long celebration I went out to Palm Springs for Modernism Week I do that every
• 25:09
  like president's weekend we need to do like a Palm Springs must do I would love to help you with
• 25:15
  that I sure for like Tony bagel Tony bagels say say hey spot I call it the day but this is
• 25:22
  Hounds for Doggie Branch always yes the best or Cecil for a martyne I haven't been there
• 25:29
  I have to go it's so good it's so hard to get into I know you have to go at like 5 p.m. when
• 25:34
  I just write on my like this last trip and they're like sorry we're booked for all night
• 25:39
  come on but anyway I digress yeah I so we did that which is great with a few friends and then I
• 25:46
  rented out a space in downtown San Diego and everyone was joking they're like you basically
• 25:51
  planned a wedding but just for yourself I'm like yes the best and I have like 80 people I
• 25:56
  dated all my friends and family people flew in from Seattle and from Austin and other parts of
• 26:01
  California it was desert disco themed oh my wait what's what's that so I was like think Palm
• 26:07
  Springs but like nighttime glitz and glamorous if you want to be sparkly or like one of my friends
• 26:10
  dress up like Orville pack you know with like the cowboy hat and like the tassel okay like
• 26:16
  Studio 54 meets the desert okay country westernish we should hang out for Modernism Week if you
• 26:22
  don't know like well there's pre-modernism in October and then modernism in February
• 26:28
  so fun like all things vintage architecture fashion home tours you get to go into these
• 26:35
  insane properties that are never open to the public yeah we went to the Lautner compound
• 26:39
  in desert hot springs oh wait I don't know I oh it's like the weird I shouldn't say we're
• 26:44
  it's very cool but like little because it is yeah kind of in the middle of we've met the
• 26:48
  who owns it now but we they're really nice and Jeremy Scott the designer he was doing an event
• 26:53
  there yeah yeah you know he owns the house right down the street you're in the crem de la crem
• 27:00
  so yeah I did that and then so also my 10th wedding anniversary this September so as a kind of
• 27:06
  big combo trip my husband and I are going to Europe we're gonna go to France and Italy and June
• 27:12
  and that's kind of a I'm 40 IB cancer we've been married 10 years and haven't killed each other
• 27:18
  a celebration of all the things or a 10 year in July yes congrats what are you gonna do we have no
• 27:24
  plans do you want to come to France and Italy yeah total you know I actually want to do I so we got
• 27:29
  married in Kauai and it's now a one hotel they remodeled it I know exactly where that is in
• 27:35
  hospital yeah yeah so I've been twice and Bobby hasn't because I go that I was working yeah
• 27:42
  and I went I kind of want to like get family back out there and go about nice yeah I love Kauai
• 27:51
  and that I love that set of the island too that would be perfect yeah we got married in
• 27:56
  around mountain Texas which is like I'll buy a horseshoe bay kind of okay okay it was very cool
• 28:02
  but I don't know if that's like what I want to return to it in anniversary it was actually the
• 28:07
  last wedding that it was at this like cattle ranch and this woman Sally she had put all these like
• 28:14
  air Sally she had all these air stream trailers but she decked them out and all these different
• 28:17
  themes yeah it was really cool she had this giant like gazebo but we were the last wedding they
• 28:21
  ever did it was not bad and she's like no it's just so much work I think I just want to turn it
• 28:25
  into a glam ground instead so claim to fame last wedding in three points ranch so where are you going
• 28:33
  in Europe I actually have been doing some hardcore planning of course I have never been to
• 28:39
  France or Italy and I'm 40 and I work in travel which is travesty and this is something again
• 28:45
  right you just put it off and put it off and Robin I've been saying for years like we got to get
• 28:48
  back out there we're gonna go to Providence blah blah blah and then you just don't yeah this is
• 28:52
  kind of a kick in the pants this year to be like no just go do it like what are you waiting for
• 28:55
  I know yeah so we're gonna fly into Paris do that for a couple days good on to niece okay and then
• 29:01
  do some of like the province like Rosé tasting and whatnot if you heard of Qinga Taro yeah
• 29:08
  okay in Italy yes yes we're I think we're gonna do more a Malfi coast okay I've never been to
• 29:14
  Malfi I'll send you on my Rex okay I just booked I was like credit card do your work last night
• 29:19
  booking a bunch of things we're gonna fly into Rome and meet some of our best friends who we've
• 29:24
  known forever they're gonna do a summer trip to so we're gonna meet in Italy and go out to
• 29:29
  Malfi coast together and do like Serrano and Positano okay and Cuppri and then end in Naples
• 29:34
  and come home and then they're gonna do their own thing for a week so as a travel agent and PR
• 29:39
  if someone's planning like they're I have this one opportunity a family's gonna take care of the
• 29:46
  dogs the kids the whatever what how do I go about planning a dream vacate that you absolutely
• 29:53
  deserve what's the first step I think the first step is identifying what you want to get out of it
• 30:00
  do you want relaxation do you want a party do you want to be in a city do you want to be by beach do
• 30:06
  you want to be in the mountains once you decide what your vibe is and what you want your surroundings
• 30:10
  to be you can go from there because there's amazing beaches all over the world or mountain
• 30:14
  resorts all over the world so first decide on that and then you can narrow it in I think I mean
• 30:19
  budget's always a consideration but if it's not and if everything's taken care of that really
• 30:23
  opens some doors for you but yeah for me I know I always like warm weather I'm such a warm weather
• 30:29
  girl whether it's desert or beach I want to be warm and I want to have some sort of pretty
• 30:33
  nature and view around me yeah but I also like access to good dining some nightlife I need to
• 30:40
  hit the club like I'm 21 again but just I need to be in bed by like nine here like I just need
• 30:45
  to proximity to a bed but I want to be like yeah I love water yes yeah exactly so once you know
• 30:53
  those things that are kind of your non-negotiable for a really relaxing vacation you can go from there
• 30:58
  yeah yeah when you go on vacation and especially working in hospitality are you able to relax or
• 31:04
  you oh wait I'm just curious with people yeah because and with my work I'm always my mind is
• 31:12
  always on of course that's a great question and sadly I do feel like it's hard to fully turn it
• 31:19
  off yeah if I'm in a busy hotel and I can see that the front desk is struggling or like someone's
• 31:26
  being mean to a server or something I'm like and I'm like I want to I'll go help refill their water
• 31:32
  don't be mean to her you know or I I think it makes you a little more discerning like I'll
• 31:38
  all notice if I go into hotel room and I'm like they didn't really make the bed properly like
• 31:42
  the pillowcases are all wrinkle it's like two sides though because I also have a lot of empathy
• 31:45
  yeah because before I got to where I'm today I worked in hotels I was in restaurants I was making
• 31:50
  your drinks and clearing your tables you know so I have a lot of appreciation for how hard that
• 31:54
  work is and sometimes you just can't get it all done so it's twofold right I'm like I can see
• 31:59
  you it's not going well but I also I'm less likely to complain or to say something because I know
• 32:05
  who hard it really is yeah it's it is hard though to truly just relax and not be kind of
• 32:10
  scanning around to see what's going on I know I scan a lot I was just in Laguna and I actually
• 32:16
  filed a complaint to a hotel for the first time in a long time why I was talking to Bobby it's like
• 32:21
  I'm embarrassed yeah I am because the neighbors were smoking cigarettes from seven a.m.
• 32:29
  to like 10 p.m. and it was lofting into my room and I'm sure it's a non-smoking property yeah that's
• 32:36
  almost like the other patrons do something wrong not the hotel but they should enforce that so by
• 32:41
  you telling them you're just like yeah and they didn't stop them that would drive me insane
• 32:47
  I was just in Vegas I love Vegas but the cigarette smoke because you can still smoke yeah inside
• 32:54
  some new places it gets to me and Laguna should be like an outdoor sanctuary we were at the
• 33:00
  ritz for a conference yeah and Desiree got a migraine because of the cigarette smoke yeah I think
• 33:08
  that's a fair complaint that's not I'm from hospitality I'm just like am I crazy like I validate
• 33:14
  your complaint if you said you called down a complaint because like your pillowcases are
• 33:17
  cold no no yeah no oh man all right so what are two things that are your
• 33:28
  writer die now where you're at life that you will not say you're non-negotiables my writer die
• 33:39
  non-negotiables I need to be outside and get some fresh air and like some sort of activity even
• 33:48
  if it's just sitting with a friend outside I need to do that like every day it means so much to
• 33:53
  me it's one of the reasons we ended up in San Diego which has arguably the best weather in the
• 33:58
  country I have a window open at all times I'm walking around the block between calls my therapist
• 34:03
  knows of I'm having like oh I'm just having this day and she's like do you need to go outside and
• 34:07
  go for a walk after this and get some fresh air and sunshine I'm like I do I do so to me that's
• 34:13
  usually important I can feel myself getting very squirrely if I'm like trapped inside too long being
• 34:18
  outside and getting that activity and then to me connection with other people is so important
• 34:25
  and I'm very extroverted I work in a very extroverted career I have friends all over I'm one of
• 34:31
  the people who's always going to reach out that sound do you know sorry distraction this sound
• 34:39
  is so this sculpture is made out of steel and though the air adjusts it makes that noise it's
• 34:45
  kind of cool yeah it's like hello yeah like I some people really like their alone time I like my
• 34:51
  alone time a little bit but again it's kind of the same way I feel if I haven't been outside long enough
• 34:56
  if I hadn't even if it's just a quick text with a friend to check in on them or a little
• 35:01
  conversation of it has been to like talk about something funny the dogs did I need that little piece
• 35:05
  of human yeah human connection and I just think that's what makes it all worth it yeah you know when
• 35:11
  I first was dealing with my diagnosis and I was thinking about what I was so scared of it really
• 35:16
  at the end of the day she was like well I just want to be able to see and talk to my friends and
• 35:19
  family and like what if this makes me so sick that I can't I can't or like when you think about
• 35:24
  what's most important to you it always comes back to your friends and family and the people you
• 35:27
  care about and so having even like I said it's five minute little check in I just need that every day
• 35:33
  with someone or another yeah I think that's really important too and put it up keep checking in
• 35:40
  with each other check in with Emily yeah she'll check it with me anytime she'll DM me right back yes
• 35:47
  I do want to say to seriously if anyone is dealing with a serious cancer diagnosis or looking
• 35:54
  to how to support a friend or loved one you do want to DM me I'm an open book you can ask me anything
• 35:58
  you want I will respond I'm on social a lot but it's hard sometimes it can be really isolating
• 36:05
  especially maybe if you're in a smaller community or family or yeah don't know who to talk to
• 36:09
  I'm always happy to talk to anybody I've had a few friends reach out and say like hey my coworker
• 36:14
  just had this happen or my sister is kind of freaked out about something she just heard because she
• 36:18
  texted you and yes please I think it's important that's really kind of you to be available for
• 36:24
  that because we all are all walking each other through this crazy life and to know we're not alone
• 36:32
  is really important and especially as we grow and get older and knowing that we have friends all
• 36:38
  around I think so too I you said it before too but something else I talked to my therapist about a
• 36:44
  suffering is universal we all have different traumas we all have different joys too there's
• 36:49
  so many amazing things in our lives but everyone at some point is gonna go through something really
• 36:53
  hard really sad really unfair I think just having that vulnerability means everything so as we
• 37:01
  wrap this up you're saying like not being alone and vulnerability being able to be vulnerable and
• 37:06
  share your story you never know who's gonna relate or have something they want to share with you
• 37:10
  think if we could all just be like 2% more vulnerable or open to sharing how we're feeling or things
• 37:15
  are going through they'll be amazed at what comes back to you thank you Emily for being in the
• 37:20
  focus I'm not being here I'd rather be than Palm Springs and we definitely need to put together
• 37:28
  like out if you come from Palm Springs things to power list