Latest / Harder Than Life / 51: Run Into The Storm w/ Katie Wood

Transcript

51: Run Into The Storm w/ Katie Wood · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  Welcome back to the Heart of the Life podcast, my lovely seagulls. I have never been more excited about a podcast than I am today. Katie Wood just might be. Wait. No, she is the best mother on the planet. This is easy for me to say because my mother set the bar low, but no, really. She is amazing, and I get the honor to share her story with you and help her spread the word on her Simple C journal for kids and parents. I had the pleasure to hear her speak live in Miami and loved her immediately. I'm going to be a little bit more.
• 0:41
  Her four kids and fireman husband encourage her to use the power of gratitude daily. Katie, it's so good to see you. And I'm going to make it weird from the jump. I do love you. You are beautiful both inside and out. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to meet with us. Well, thank you for having me. The honor is equally mine. This is amazing.
• 1:01
  I did the show prep last night. I held a little bit back before we hit record and I got choked up. You're wonderful. I meant what I said in the intro. You're a beautiful inside and out and we're gonna do our best. I tailored this to you to make sure that we show the Heart of the Life listeners how amazing you are. I watched you on the Today Show regarding the power of gratitude, but you...
• 1:23
  that you manifested that one the year prior. Will you share this powerful story with the audience as well as deep dive into your Amazon's best-selling book? Yeah, thank you. Wow. Okay, so I'd love to kick it off with that story. So I'm a very, very big believer that when there is something that is placed on your heart, whether it be a dream you have or something you're supposed to create, whatever it may be,
• 1:52
  That when you take that dream, take that goal, whatever it is, that message, and you can bring it to life through manifesting and hard work and belief, it is incredible what can happen in your life. And an example of when this true story happened was when I took my daughter to New York City for her 10th birthday.
• 2:16
  And we were in the middle of writing this morning journal. This was our project during COVID. And the whole weekend was about her. But there was one thing I wanted to do. And it was to walk by that Today Show and get a wave from Hoda. That is just what I needed to complete the trip. And so we walked by. We kept walking. She wasn't looking. The show was about to begin. And I told my daughter, I'm like, listen, one more walk by. This is the one.
• 2:43
  We walk by, Hoda happens to look up and look right at us. The two of us look like deer in headlights. We give this goofy wave, we're so excited. And I turn, the show begins, and I turn to my daughter and I go, in one year, we will be on this Today Show for this journal, mark my word. She said, okay, mom. And one year later, the same weekend, we were in New York City on the Today Show, on the other side.
• 3:11
  And I'm going to interject too. If you don't believe her, you can go onto her website at simplecjournal.com, scroll all the way to the bottom and watch this today's show clip. It's five minutes long and they actually show the picture that she took of them and it's full. While we're talking about that, what's your, what's your daughter's name that was with you? Austin. Oh, I don't think I've ever heard a girl's name be Austin. That is awesome. Coming from a guy's name. Who's telling? Oh, yeah.
• 3:41
  Listen, why blend in when you're born to stand out, right? Hey, we're going to get into that. I still have all the quotes from Miami. So we're going to jump right into that. I loved your marathon speech in Miami. Obviously, due to time, you can't say the entire speech. But I remember you talking about the sky is always blue. And as you don't get on the ride, you don't experience the adventure.
• 4:05
  I believe, but I'm not certain. Was it you that recommended it to nurse curse and rehearse negativity by letting it go? Yeah. So that was the statement used both by Tim Story and myself. Okay. So tell us, there was a part of coming over the hill when it was snow. Just give us the brief overview of that marathon because it was fire. Yeah.
• 4:29
  So the quickest version of that talk and that story is that five years ago, our daughter had a major life-saving surgery that ended up in Boston Children's Hospital. And I had the opportunity to run the Boston Marathon to represent Boston Children's Hospital as my way of giving back. Told you you're a badass. Oh, man. That was... Is this Austin, too? No, that was Gabriella, my third daughter. We have four kids.
• 4:58
  Of course, another beautiful name, Gabriela. Gabriela. So she's my little angel. So I ran this marathon, but the whole, you know, I take people through the milestones of letting go of expectations, of learning to let things go, of surrounding yourself by people that make you go further than you would on your own to, you know, growth doesn't have a finish line and finding the joy in the journey. But I will tell you the biggest thing,
• 5:26
  I'll say upset at what, which what I thought wasn't upset. Right. It goes back to the quote, like when you think you've been buried, you've actually been planted. And that's what happened on that marathon is that we, I ended up running in a monsoon. They declared the 2018 Boston marathon as the worst weather in marathon history. In 127 marathons, they've never had worse weather. They canceled the Red Sox game for the first time in 35 years.
• 5:53
  And that's the year where the most people dropped out due to hypothermia. And what I believe to be true in my heart is what got me through that marathon was understanding my purpose and my why, which was so much bigger than me. And how I would finish this is that I was so connected to running for my daughter, changing my perspective that, yeah, it's raining and it's 40 degrees and they're 45 mile per hour winds. The conditions were horrific. Yeah.
• 6:21
  However, it doesn't even compare to what these kids go through at children's hospital. When you can shift your perspective and understand that you can only control what you can control, right? And when you can't control your circumstances, like the monsoon, like what my daughter went through, you are forced to change your perspective and your outlook on your circumstance. And that changes everything. So yeah, while there were black clouds in the sky that day, the sky is still blue. Because just like that airplane, when you break through it,
• 6:52
  it's always blue and the sun is always shining. We just have these moments in life where the clouds will just block our view and get in the way. You got to learn to go through that, you know, and not let it stop you, which it does for so many people. Once you learn that you become unstoppable. You're beautiful. Um,
• 7:11
  So the heart of that, that's harder than life right there. You just explained it. So thank you for coming on the podcast. We're going to end it right now. I'm just kidding. Um, the, so as you know, the reason why we connected, the reason why your, your story resonates with me is two of the three charities that we donate to our children's charities. And, um, one of them that,
• 7:29
  I was very passionate about as a children's foundation, which is directly related to the children's hospital. So we're right there with you and I love it. I love the cause. There are no coincidences. I met you for a reason and we're going to do, but there was one other quote that you left off and I want you to deep dive in it. This is most beautiful views come after the hardest climbs. Talk about that.
• 7:51
  Yeah. So, so in, in the Boston marathon, um, what makes it a unique race is that the average runner of any marathon, they hit a wall at mile 16. That's where you have 10 miles left and literally the voice in your head cranks up. You are like, how am I going to finish this race? I want to like literally die right now. And that's where you shift to, you know, mindset is really a powerful thing. So, um,
• 8:19
  In Boston, it's a downhill race for 16 miles. And at that breaking point, they throw in Heartbreak Hill, which is a four-mile climb. So when you want to break, you have a four-mile uphill climb. And that's why it's called Heartbreak Hill. It is known to break people. And that's what makes the Boston Marathon so iconic, that moment right there. And in that Heartbreak Hill is when the winds were at an all-time high. So they were 50 miles per hour against me.
• 8:49
  my poncho was over my face I lost all my team I couldn't listen to music because it was torrential downpour and I broke like heartbreak got the best of me and I was almost at the top no one was out really cheering us on because the conditions were so bad and I hadn't eaten it was a hot mess right and I just start crying I don't know how I can keep doing this and all of a sudden I hear someone yell
• 9:17
  Katie. And I'm like, it was like I was on a deserted island and was found. I was like, who knows me here? And this man is at the top of Heartbreak Hill yelling my name. And I look over and call it divine intervention. I don't even know how he saw me, which is crazy. And I look over and it's Dr. Mark Proctor, the neurosurgeon from Boston Children's Hospital who saved my daughter's
• 9:48
  at the top of Heartbreak Hill. And it was this aha moment where I stood up there and was like, the best views in life come after the hardest climbs. And that's why a mountain has its ridges. If a mountain was smooth, you couldn't climb it. So it's a reminder that these hard, difficult moments in life, if you just keep going, and don't let the voice in your head get the best of you, or the wind stop you, if you can push beyond yourself,
• 10:16
  I'm telling you, the best view is just ahead. You've got to just get yourself there. And you'll never regret it. Ten minutes into this, I'm choked up. Oh, I know. It's a wild story.
• 10:31
  And nothing happens. Everything happens for you, not to you. And everything in your life is no coincidence. Please head over to her Facebook and follow her at Katie Wood. In parentheses is Katie Keefe. K-E-E-F-E. I had a little bit difficult finding you as you saw that I just friended you yesterday. We have an Instagram friends from the day I met you. And then go to Instagram at Katie Wood underscore simple seed. And you can't help but be inspired and feel the love.
• 11:00
  of her four children and her husband. Tell the listeners how you met your husband and what your secret to a tremendous marriage is.
• 11:07
  Well, there's another interesting story. I don't really share this one that often, but we met at Providence College. So my husband played hockey there. I played basketball. And we were at an athletic banquet. And I remember seeing him and thinking, oh, he is cute. And that night we had connected at a bar where most college kids meet. And I remember...
• 11:33
  looking at him and saying, and I can't believe I said this out loud because I remember my girlfriend's like, you need to go home and transfer. Like, don't show your face again. But I told him, I go, you're going to marry me one day. And on his wedding ring. Oh my God. Hold on. My producer just died laughing in the other room. He should. He should. Like, that's like a girlfriend flag.
• 11:55
  No, no, it's not sweet. That is like a major red flag when people say stuff like that. And I did it. I'm my own red flag. And on his wedding band, I had engraved, don't forget your wife's always right. Hey, by the way, that was your earliest form of manifestation. Correct. That's right. When you want something bad enough, find a way.
• 12:18
  You're fabulous. I don't have enough superlatives for you. I want to jump through the computer screen and hug you. I love everything about you. Oh, Kelly, thank you. I saw a reel that you said, follow your gut for children. Flip a coin as advice in the book. What is your number one piece of advice for parenting? Because that's what this is about. Yeah.
• 12:42
  So I think it's follow your gut. I think we come into this world. We have these babies. We start these families. But what's not taught is that when a baby is born, so is a parent. You're born into this new role, which is the most important role you will ever have in your life.
• 13:03
  And you buy a microwave and it comes with 15 different manuals, but you have this most beautiful thing in front of you, this child, this creation, and there's no handbook. You literally, it is, the whole thing's a gamble. And my biggest thing on parenting, two things that I...
• 13:27
  Three things I'll say that I really go by is that the first thing I really believe you have to be intentional with your kids. It's like if you want to start a business and grow a business, you can't just wing it. You need a business plan. You need ideas. You need to organize yourself. And I think so much of parenting is reactive mode, meaning we're constantly just reacting to raising our kids. Where if you're proactive, if you're two steps ahead of them planting the seeds,
• 13:56
  Give the listeners an example because I understand what that means. But give us an example because I'm sure you have one from this morning.
• 14:03
  Yeah. I mean, okay. So constantly we do our morning journal every morning where I'm, I'm trying to build a habit of practicing gratitude. You have everything you need in this life. You're just not paying attention to it. Gratitude helps. You can always find what's wrong and you can always find what's right. And I'm trying to be intentional, teaching my kids to prime your brain and find what's right. Because the more you do that, you get what you focus on.
• 14:32
  Really, the more you do it, the more you have to be grateful for. So being intentional is taking the time, if it's one or two minutes, and pouring into your kids, teaching them the most important life lessons, having them pay attention to their self-talk, sending them off to school with a challenge to be kind, to be intentional, don't let anyone sit alone at lunch. That's being intentional parenting, where you send them out the door, you've primed their brain.
• 15:02
  As opposed to teaching lessons in hindsight. And that to me is one of the most important things we can do. Because when they're 18 and you send them off to college, I want to look them in the eye and say, I gave them everything I could. Now you're on your own. I hope you make the best decisions. I know you have two more points. Oh, sorry. Yeah. No, I was going to say, I don't want to have any regrets. I know you have two more points. I just want to pause. What are the ages of your children? 11, 9, 7, and 3.
• 15:31
  Oh, you got your hands full. And mind you, not only do you have children, but you also are an author and you're writing another book. What did I see? Something for the Simple Seed Journal for Athletes. Yeah. Mindset for Athletes. I was an athlete my whole life. It's all up here. So once you master this, you have a huge edge up on everybody else.
• 15:52
  Isn't that really the cheat code for everything? Yeah. It's master the six inches between your ears and anything is possible. How did you- Huge advantage.
• 16:03
  How did you come up with this journal and talk more about it? Because I didn't realize it. I thought I dug into it deeply, but I didn't. So tell the listeners more about it, even though you can go and look it up and it's everywhere. But just tell the listeners because I think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Because just to give you an idea, I have a 14-year-old daughter and I have been intentional. I think I told you this story. I wake her up every morning.
• 16:28
  And I say, it's time to be awesome and kind. And she is 14 where all the girls are into boys. And if you can believe this, but at 12, they started with the drinking and weed.
• 16:43
  And my daughter's like, Dad, what do I do? And we've got a code word where she just drops a pin, and I just come in and pick her up. And I've been intentional, and I didn't even know I was doing it. So how did you come up with this? And talk more about this amazing book, because everybody should run out and buy it right now, which is available on Amazon, but you can get it on our website as well. So talk about it. Be a little bit braggadocious for a second, because it's so cool.
• 17:12
  Thank you. You know, no one writes a book unless they need it first. That is like, if there's like a truth behind that, you know, we needed it. So this, how this concept came to me is that, you know, back to Gabriella days, when I found out our daughter needs this life-saving surgery,
• 17:31
  It was a very scary time in my life and my mind was spiraling. I went to really dark places. I started focusing on what could happen. What if it went to all the wrong places and I learned to center myself in the morning. So I would get up at five. I would pray. I'd practice gratitude. I would write down some positive thought. I'd fill my mind with goodness. Okay.
• 17:55
  And when I really did that, I started to notice a shift and that did not right away. It's like any habit, right? I had to be consistent and chip away. And when I had those dark thoughts, which still happen, I mean, you're human, your mind's going to play tricks on you all the time.
• 18:12
  The difference was I became more aware of it. I didn't let it take over my mind. I didn't let it let me spiral. That's what panic attacks are when, you know, your mind takes over. And I was able to control my mind. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this morning routine is actually working. I started seeing more good in the world. I started seeing parts in nature where I was like, all right, trust your path, trust your path.
• 18:36
  I changed my perspective. And when COVID hit, and now here I am homeschooling four small kids. My husband's a first responder. He's not home. And I'm up at 5 a.m. And one of my daughters, my second daughter, Hadley, she comes downstairs, sits next to me, and she whispers, can you teach us how to have these special mornings too? And at that point, something went through me.
• 19:01
  And I'm like, how have I not taught my kids what I know to be true can change your entire life?
• 19:11
  It's changed mine. How have I not taught my kids this? This would be the one thing I want them to know for the, I want them to remember me by like, you've got to have that one thing. And I want them to remember me by how to center yourself in the morning with gratitude and looking for the good and start your day. Right. Cause how you start your day is how you end your day. And you have a, and yeah,
• 19:33
  That's where this idea came. I started Googling it. I didn't want to write it. There's the truth. I'm like, Google, someone has to have done this. It's got to be a journal on gratitude and positive mindset and life lessons and humor, which is so important for kids, and then a conversation that parents can have. This has to exist. And it didn't. And that's when I'm like, oh, gosh. It doesn't exist. You have to make it happen. And two years in COVID? Yeah.
• 20:03
  This bad boy was born. Open the book and grab one of the lessons because it's remarkable. Sure. And share it with us. All right. So you have a life lesson. Pick your heart. So pick your heart. Gratitude. An I am statement. A daily challenge. I love it.
• 20:26
  A morning giggle. And then whose day can you make better? Like send your kid into the day to be like, go make somebody's day better. Because the more you have that servant mentality and whatever you do, we all know if you make someone else's day better, it makes your day better.
• 20:40
  And so pick your heart, your life lesson, how I got these life lessons. I got a thousand moms together and said, if there's one thing you want your kid to remember about you, if you are going to die tomorrow, what is the one lesson you want them to know? I took all those lessons. I took my life lessons and that's how I created all these entries. But for example, pick your heart. I tell my kids all the time. They're like, I don't want to study anymore.
• 21:05
  I don't want to do this. I'm like, all right, you're right. Like, I get it. I don't feel like working out either. But you got to be okay going to school tomorrow unprepared for your test. Everything is hard. It's hard to study. It's hard to show up.
• 21:20
  not being prepared. It's hard to try out for the team. It's hard to not try out and always wonder what if. Everything has a hard. You need to pick your hard, pick the hard that's going to make you better. And we use that term all the time in our house, pick your hard. So it's teaching these little tools, these little strategies that they will be able to use in their life because unfortunately part of life's menu is difficult moments. You want them to be ready.
• 21:48
  What are the age ranges that this, that you recommend they start this? So you'd be surprised. So I think as young as five is great. I mean, my little three-year-old watches the girls do it and he'll say, I am statements. But the biggest range is five to 15 because that's the age it's formatted for. However...
• 22:10
  The content is for all ages. Pick your heart is a comment, is a lesson teenagers need to know. Adults need to know. The content is all ages.
• 22:22
  How it's formatted is for younger kids. And the reason we did this, because you have a huge opportunity when your kids are young to give them strong roots. This is where you give, plant those seeds, give them these lessons, build those habits so they go into the world being the best version of them. It all starts when they're young. How was your upbringing?
• 22:46
  So I had, I'm blessed to say I had a really good upbringing. I watched my dad, who was an entrepreneur, take a lot of risks, not always successful. And I watched it and I really think who we are as adults is how we were shaped in our childhood.
• 23:08
  That's why a lot of adults spend a lot of time unlearning, right? Peeling back the onion. Why do I do this? Why am I, you know, but I think that's everybody. I think your parents give you two gifts, what you want to be, what you don't want to be. And both are gifts. And, and my parents definitely gave me those two things.
• 23:25
  Um, but I don't think, I think because I saw my parents take so many risks and, and fail over and over again and eventually succeed, I know no different. So I don't, I'm not afraid of failure. You know, it goes back to Sarah Blakely.
• 23:42
  the founder of Spanx every night, her dad would ask her, how'd you fail today? And that was a question he drilled in her mind and she became so resilient and immune to failure, which would stop most people. And she went on to create this incredible brand. So it's, it's, it's that, I think it's like how you see your parents, you know, and the road that they take, cause you
• 24:08
  huge, huge influence on our kids. Whether we realize it or not, it's a huge influence. I asked my daughter what made her, what something that made her laugh today and what something that triggered her or angered her today. Every day we have, we have, we have breakfast and we have dinner, sit down dinner together, just she and I every day. So. I mean, I think that's brilliant. You're making her aware of emotions and I'll tell you this, you will never hear me in this house ask my kids what their test score was.
• 24:35
  Never. This never will be my first question. It might be a question. It'll never be my first question. My first question they walk in the door is whose day did you make better? I want to know. I might have unrealistic high expectations of myself and my daughter. So it's expected she'll walk in 100% dad, fist bump.
• 24:57
  Okay, so this is what I think because my question is whose day did you make better, right? Yeah, I love that. Who did you make smile? I don't want them – I don't unintentionally want them to think I value your grades over being a good human. And they did a survey and asked kids what's more important to your parents. And over 80% of the kids said good grades are more important to my parents.
• 25:22
  And that to me can lead kids down this. I need to be a perfectionist. If I don't get this, I'm not enough. And yes, grades are important. School is so important. But I think those, those first moments of the questions you ask them are so important to understanding what you value.
• 25:44
  Man, you're just fire. I stress making good choices. And I just say making choices. Choices, you show me someone's choices, I'm going to show you the joy and happiness they have in their life. Sure. Like you said here, this was fire. I wrote this down. Your parents show you what you want to be or what you don't want to be. And choices are each one. You get to choose. Correct.
• 26:08
  So I chose my, my parents that wrote in my book, hard in life is they weren't around. So they showed me what I didn't want to be. And boy, did I just follow right in their footsteps for years until I said, this is just not working for me anymore. And here that's how the heart and life, everything was born. But so that goes back to my biggest, my biggest life lesson, the number one lesson when you kick off this,
• 26:36
  journal is live your life as though everything's rigged in your favor. So that was, if you didn't have that childhood, you wouldn't have created this podcast. And how many lives are you changing because of this podcast? So you were a cycle breaker, but that was rigged in your favor because that was exactly your path to become who you are today.
• 26:59
  I literally, my next question was which lesson was yours, and that was fire. And I receive everything you just said, and I appreciate that. I was on a podcast yesterday, and that's the first time I admitted that I was grateful for my parents. And I said, I've given them all the grief. I have to give them the good, too, because they made me tough. And, you know, one of the instances that I'll share, because it's profound, is
• 27:26
  You know, what kind of draws me to people is I'm a bigger guy. I worked out because my stepfather was abusive and I didn't want him to beat on me anymore. So I went and worked out and now it opens doors for me. You guys noticed me when I walk in rooms and I get to walk up to the Katie Woods and the Tim stories and the Matt Williams and say, hey, I'm Kelly Siegel. I want would you please come on the Heart of Life podcast? Yeah.
• 27:50
  And you guys do. So that would have never happened had he been this amazingly loving father. So you got to take the good and the bad. It's what you said, how choose your heart and also make your world. But I'm the cycle breaker. So it stops with me and my daughter's never going to experience that.
• 28:13
  So if there's a legacy or a footprint, you leave her, you've done it. Because I think being a cycle breaker is requires a level of discipline and awareness that is beyond what we even think is capable. And I think that is the biggest gift you can give your daughter is being a cycle breaker.
• 28:34
  It's called Harder Than Life, man. Harder Than Life. Thank you. Correct. You know, I cut you off because I'm so enamored. I'm just, I could talk to you for hours. I want to go back to the husband question because this doesn't happen in a bubble. And I cut you off because, I don't know. Give me the two other secrets of the tremendous marriage because, you know, first of all, there's a lot of love. It's so easy today. So 56% divorce rate. Yeah.
• 29:03
  And that's just the people getting divorced. There's probably another 15% that stay together for their kids. So you're talking about an institution that's 70% failure rate. You are excelling at it. Obviously, there's lots of love and attraction if you're going to walk up to him and tell him you're going to marry him or he's going to marry you. Tell the secrets again because I cut you off.
• 29:25
  Yeah, so I don't know that there's a secret. I would say, you know, other than the cliche advice of always working, you know, communicating, which is obviously so important. I really think the best advice I was ever given with marriage is...
• 29:40
  You become the best version of you. That's my responsibility. I can't make Steve be something he's not. I'm going to get up at five. I'm going to hit the Peloton. Then I'm going to work on my mindset. I'm going to work on my prayer. I'm going to center myself. I'm going to...
• 29:57
  be the best version of me and he's going to be the best version of him. And then we're going to come together. And I think when you both become the best version of you, which no one else can do, but you, you bring your best self. And does that mean we, every day is like sunshine and rainbows over here? No, there are,
• 30:18
  For small kids, it is out of control of the sports that these kids play. You know, my husband coaches hockey and is a fireman seeing traumatic things all the time. There's a lot of things going on. But that's why I go back to control what you can control, which is me bringing the best version of me, him bringing the best version of him. And then for our kids, our philosophy, they came into this world not to be us.
• 30:47
  They are their own spirit, their own soul. We cannot parent them all the same because there is no one size fits all. So we as parents try to find the best in our kids, help them use those gifts and go into the world and make it a little bit better. And I think as they grow up, our goal is to never let them forget what they're passionate about, what fuels their fire, what their gifts are, because you know society is going to try to make them something they're not.
• 31:17
  And they are their own spirit. And I want to never let them forget because they're all totally different. It's actually incredible. What parents also forget is we're not perfect. So trying to build the perfect version of you in your child is not the answer either because they're not you. So just because my daughter, you know, I tell my daughter, I don't want you to agree with me.
• 31:40
  I actually want you to put your opinion and let's debate it. I'm going to be wrong. I'm wrong a lot. So the only thing I have on you, darling, is experience. That's it. I made a lot of mistakes. How old were you when you got married? 28. 28? How old are you now? 41.
• 32:08
  Oh my God, you're beautiful. Oh, you're so sweet. You do not look 41. You take such good care of yourself. I do take good care of myself, though. I do. You are crushing it at life, and I couldn't be more. Look at that. The gun show. Couldn't be more happy for you. What was your degree in college? Education. So I- You were a teacher. That's right. Yeah, I was a special ed teacher for 10 years. Yeah.
• 32:33
  Grief, I didn't even ask you the most obvious question. I don't like to start off with it. Give me your backstory. So sorry. It's just, I think that if people are listening now, we're 30 minutes into this, they get who you are. You're brilliant. Yeah. And you're making a difference in...
• 32:48
  And we're starting with the children because, you know, the old cliche, children are our future. But they are. They are. In today's world where everything is, their validation is a number. How many likes do you get on Facebook or on social media? How many people show up at your bar mitzvah or your bat mitzvah or your birthday party? Everything has a number tied to it. And I work on my daughter. Everything is internal validation. It does not matter. Correct.
• 33:15
  What is going on on the outside? And she just started high school. Don't kill me for this one. I just said, I want you to walk in high school and not care who the queen is.
• 33:29
  She was like, dad. That's true. I mean, it's so, so true. It's like the sooner you learn that, that's the joy in life. That's being, you know, success in my eyes is inner peace. It's literally just being comfortable with who you are, being aligned with what you do, and making the world a little bit better. That is like true success right there. I don't care.
• 33:54
  what your house looks like. I don't care the car you drive. I am so impressed by the person who is at peace. And you know what I mean? Who's just at peace and who has joy in their life. Like that is the goal. And the younger we teach these kids, but more importantly, you can only say so much. It's you living it out yourself. That's the greatest lesson for your kids. Microphone drop right there. Yeah.
• 34:21
  Model the behaviors. Model it. Because they're not listening. They're watching. Thousand percent. I got to reiterate what you just said too. Success is inner peace. Yeah, it is. And I've only recently got that. I'm not the same dude you met when we were, was that March? April? I don't remember when it was. Yeah. I work on myself incessantly. And I tried to embarrass who I am the year before. Yeah.
• 34:51
  Success is inner peace. In the last two months, I have found inner peace and calmness like I've never felt before. And it is, just saying those words, Katie, I get chills. And the gratitude that goes through my body. And you can hear my voice crackling because it's just, I have worked 40 years to be here.
• 35:16
  And I'm not going to stop. And I love it. And I'm so grateful that you're on this. And we're going to deep dive into some more things. I want to ask you to deviate a little bit and say, what difference did someone make in your life as a child?
• 35:31
  So, so I, I had to have a story that immediately comes to my heart. Um, of course you do. So, oh my gosh. So I think my biggest turning point. So I, I, I was blessed to raise, be raised in a great family. Like my brother and my sister and I are very close. My parents put a tremendous, um, value. Where are you located again? New Jersey? No, I'm outside of Boston. Oh, but you're outside of Boston. Okay. So you have a brother and sister. They still in Boston too? Yeah.
• 36:00
  My sister lives a street over. I love that. Also with four kids and a fire husband. But yeah, wild. My brother lives in Connecticut. Okay, so that's not far. There's a train, right, between Boston and Connecticut that you can take? Yeah, but it's not a far drive. So we see each other a good amount. But my parents put a tremendous amount of value on siblings. How many children does the brother have? Because I want to see what he has for too?
• 36:29
  You have 12. Oh, my God. This freaking family dinners must be insane. All these cousins. I have a teeny tiny family and it's oh, my God. That's it's it's insane. So they're all 14 and under or 15 and under. That's insane. You know, I wish I had you as a mother. I can't say that. No, no.
• 36:55
  Katie, if you read my book, you'd understand. I mean, it's my mom. But let me put it this way. If I was raised in today's society, they would be in jail. They'd be in jail. Yeah. And I'm not saying that for woe is me. I'm just saying that so you understand what I had to deal with. I mean, one of the instances of my birthday, my mom coming home drunk and, like, almost killing me. My sister saved my life. So I just say that so you can have contrast. But when you say...
• 37:24
  I just, it just warms my heart to hear that these 12 children are going to do something in the world and I'm happy for them. And it, I love it. I love it. I'm so grateful to have met you. So again, what's the difference? What difference did someone make in your life? You were going to tell a story and of course I cut you off because I'm the worst interviewer. That's okay. No, you're not at all. So, so in college, this is a college one. That a lot go on in college.
• 37:53
  I did. College was a good turning point for me, I think. And my college girls are the best. Were you going to sorority or anything? No, Providence College didn't have sororities, which I am grateful for. But so I was a – basketball was my life. So I played through high school and it was my life. And I was recruited to a few D3 schools. But something in my gut told me to go to Providence College. I don't know what it was. It was a feeling.
• 38:22
  Your gut feeling is a very real thing. That's your inner GPS. Learn to follow it and you will avoid a lot of issues. So I went to Providence College, you know, gut feeling, leap of faith, and I missed basketball. So I just start playing with the boys.
• 38:40
  And I used to go play pickup with all the boys. And it was like my joy. Like I felt so much joy when I was playing. And the men's basketball came up to me, men's basketball coach, and was like, you should try out for the women's basketball team.
• 38:55
  And there was a part of me immediately that was like, I'm not good enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not, like, I'm not skilled enough for D1. And all the negative talk came to my brain. And he came back the next day and kept pushing it on me. And eventually the women's basketball coach came up to me and he was like, I'd like for you to walk on. Like, just try, try out. And they didn't do that much for, this was Division I Big East basketball.
• 39:20
  And so I showed up the next morning at 6 a.m. and I knew two things. I knew I was not going to be, I was going to be the least skilled on the team because if I was not, I would have been a full scholarship player. But I also knew I could make up what I lacked in talent. I could make up an attitude, effort, and hustle.
• 39:41
  And so you better believe I brought that. And I ended up making, getting a spot on this team. And I played 12 minutes my whole first year, 22 minutes, my whole second year. And now granted, this is taking away from college party experience.
• 39:57
  of major hardcore sports for less than 30 minutes of playing time in two years. And I was ready to quit. I couldn't take it anymore. My kids, my girlfriends were having so much fun. I felt like I was missing out a lot. And we got to this one game. This was away. And the stud basketball player on our team was slacking. And my coach calls a timeout, pulls her out, comes to the end of the bench. It was Katie getting me. And I'm like, it's the first half. I don't go in on the first half. Right.
• 40:27
  freaking out. And I'm like, this is my chance. This is your moment. And I went out there and I brought it as hard as I could. I knew I only had one chance. I actually ended up scoring the first basket in the game. My team went crazy and it turned the whole game around. And in the locker room that evening, he said, you just earned yourself a full scholarship and captain for the next two years.
• 40:55
  And that story changed my life because it was somebody believed in me more than I believed in myself. Somebody saw something that I was capable of, but my negative self-talk was making me small.
• 41:12
  And that shifted something in me that I will, I am not afraid of hard work. I'm not afraid of waiting, being patient. Cause I know life's greatest rewards comes to those who just keep pushing and have that resiliency and keep going and showing up and the power of your attitude and your effort that'll trump skill any day. So that really was my turning point of a light bulb going off that I can do hard things.
• 41:39
  I would argue that's where your simple seeds sprouted. Correct. Because your simple seeds started when you were a child. But that's when it sprouted. It's funny because mine did too in college. That's when I became me. Yeah. That was excellent. Thank you for sharing that. You saw me tear up for a second. I just love the...
• 42:04
  the grit stories, the resilience, the pushing through hard times. And then, and then being lost on this is being ready and available when your numbers call, you were ready. You, you, you were, you, I guarantee you in practice, you were busting your butt and you were ready when they put you in.
• 42:25
  Thousand percent. No way was I missing that chance. You're amazing. What do you want your legacy to be? I think we know it, but I want to hear it straight from you. What do you want your legacy to be? You know, I think...
• 42:38
  When I think about, you know, leaving a footprint and what I want to be remembered for, I think two things of trusting your life, trusting your journey. And like, you know, Steve Jobs gave the most amazing speech at the end of his life that when you look back at your life and you connect the dots of the ups and the downs, right? That I talked about in that speech and you connect them all, they all make sense. Your ups wouldn't be ups without the downs.
• 43:07
  And, and you have to trust your life. So when you're in those difficult moments, step back and ask yourself, how is this rigged in my favor? What is the lesson I'm supposed to be learning? Because if you don't do that, the problem just keeps coming a problem until you finally learn it. And when you have that awareness and can pause and ask yourself, what am I supposed to learn right now? And be open to what is.
• 43:34
  you just learn to trust your life. You don't waste so much energy trying to make something different than what it is. And I think that rigged
• 43:45
  concept. It has changed my life in that one word has changed my life in the sense that, you know, I, we even saw much that we made these hats where the G's are connected because life is forward and backward, but it's all connected and it's here to make you better. And that's, that's the one thing I think I would want my kids to, to not fear those difficult moments because they're, they're here to shape who you are.
• 44:14
  Matthew McConaughey's book starts with, I know that the universe is aligning to make me happy. And I say that over and over. And that's what you just said. So that's beautiful. I told you when I was prepping for this last night, I got it choked up and I was like, I cannot wait for this interview. And it's been fire. So we got to blaze through five more questions and these are going to be fire as well. Best advice you've ever received.
• 44:44
  Live your life as though everything's rigged in your favor. I'm not even gonna try to come up with something else, but that right there, it's a game changer. What's the worst advice? You can't. Like, anyone telling you that you can't do something or minimizing your dreams or when you're excited about something and someone tries to dull that or maybe even make you feel bad for being excited about it,
• 45:11
  That is because in their eyes, they can't see themselves doing it. Those ain't your people. They're not your people. And you know what? I believe it's the universe's way of seeing how bad you want it. You're going to crumble because one person told you you couldn't do it. Then you know what? The success at the end of this road, you can't handle that either. And that's the universe's way of figuring out if you can handle what the universe has in mind for you.
• 45:38
  I always say impossible only describes a degree of difficulty, but I will. I have to pay homage to the universe, God, source, power, whatever we call it and say, I. I don't know why it took us so long to get you booked, but this is the perfect timing for me to talk to you. I am in a different headspace and I'm feeling.
• 45:58
  everything you're saying is going right to my soul. I'm on the edge of just crying because I'm so happy. And what you're saying is gold. So please, if whoever's listening to this, Bri, share it. Really listen to it. She has absolutely fire. And if you adopt these principles, you will live the winning life. She, she is living as well. What I want to ask you one more thing too, is what is your biggest fear? Yeah.
• 46:30
  Mayo. I hate mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise too. Tell me more. Tell me more. No, I just think it's the grossest thing in the world. I actually, my brother-in-law just sent me a video this morning of like a mayonnaise eating contest. And I literally almost threw up in my mouth. I don't know. I have a fear of drowning in a pool of mayonnaise. I have. Would it surprise you to think I've.
• 46:56
  I think it's disgusting. And I have had the same, uh, uh, like, Ooh, it's just, it's like gross to even touch. Oh, that's, that is funny. You've already defined success. So define happiness for the listeners.
• 47:13
  So I think happiness is when you feel aligned. So back to that gut feeling being in, you know, when you feel what your work, the work you're doing, it's you're in your bliss, right? Like you feel, I don't feel like I work. I know you don't feel like you work when you're in that state of bliss of having meaningful work, impactful work, finding the joy in the journey, right? That's why the word joy is in journey and making money.
• 47:42
  Making a living by making a difference. I really don't think there's anything that can make you truly happy, not superficial, happy, but a happiness that lasts, not that temporary. Look at this fancy car. I got because I made so much money, you know, that that feeling is going to fade so quickly. That true joy is just being aligned and, and,
• 48:10
  being in that state of bliss, you become unstoppable. Yeah. I was talking to a friend on the drive here this morning. I just said, I get to do this. They're like, wow, your schedule is crazy. And I said, I get to do this. I don't have to do this. I get to do this. Totally. Inevitably, there are down moments and we do fall out a little bit of alignment. What do you think of and what do you do to bring yourself back into alignment and make yourself smile?
• 48:38
  Yeah, so it goes back to the whole concept of this journal. I feel like this is like the perfect question to end because it's full circle of life is a series of ups and downs. If you didn't have them, right? Like I started off my talk staring at an EKG going beep, beep, up and down, up and down. I stare at my daughter's scar. She's 150 stitches of up, down, up, down from ear to ear.
• 49:05
  That is how life is supposed to be. If your life is a straight line, right? Like you're dead. You're not even living. So it's, it's understanding when you're in those hard moments, number one, it's the, it's always sunny above the clouds. The moment will pass. You just got to get through it and you've got to learn the lesson when you're in it. But I think the biggest thing is, you know,
• 49:35
  Gratitude in those hard moments of shifting your focus instead of what's wrong on what's right. I mean, we're human. We're supposed to go through hard times. I'm not immune to them. I go through them all the time. I have difficult moments all the time. But when you can just pause and dig deep for the gratitude in those hard moments, it shifts your perspective and your mind. And you can come out of those moments. And you'll be a little bit stronger for it.
• 50:05
  I gotta rewrite that, I've forgotten about that too. So, for those that aren't watching this on YouTube, it's available on iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube.
• 50:15
  Think of an EKG. I always call it the roller coaster. The faithful listeners listen all the time. I love you. I call it a roller coaster ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. That's what she just showed. It's an EKG, the heart monitor that goes up and down, up and down, up and down. And then not lost in this was the matching of the monitor to her daughter's stitches. And that was a sign from God saying, stay the course and enjoy those downs. Because coming right after it is an up, man. Yeah.
• 50:44
  It is. It's great. Besides the Mayo story, this is our last question. What is the one thing about you that people might be surprised to know? Oh, God, the Mayo is so bad. Yeah.
• 51:05
  I mean, okay. I lose my shit sometimes as a mom. I do. I lose it. I snap. I think people think, oh, you wrote this book. You're the perfect mom. I'm not. I'm a mom who's trying to do my best. I am a mom that is stressed with four small kids, all playing hockey and basketball and soccer and softball. And my husband's gone on shifts for days at a time. There's so much going on.
• 51:33
  Yeah. Sometimes I can't just step back and be like, you know what? Be grateful. I try my absolute hardest and I, and I do believe it helps, but there are times where I just lose it and that's what makes us human. But I have the ability to step back and ask my kids for forgiveness and show them firsthand that, you know, I'm human and I have breaking points, but I'm going to do better.
• 52:00
  And we are all just a work in progress. And I think it comes back to if you have that awareness, awareness is everything that you,
• 52:09
  No one's perfect. Everybody has low points. You don't want to be perfect for your kids. I love when they see me snap and me fail. Every time we get a rejection for sponsoring a school because we have this journals in a bunch of schools, every time we get a rejection, I literally make my kids come to the computer and read it. And what do we do next? We move on.
• 52:31
  We come back stronger. So I think that's the thing is that I don't want the perception of me to be that I am this perfect mom because I'm not. But I will tell you, I do work very hard on motherhood and I take it very seriously and I'm very intentional. But I'm not perfect. It shows. And I'm going to add one more question. I'm assuming that you also share lots of vulnerability with them. Like when you are, when something bad happens. I am really hard at that. I am.
• 53:01
  There was no parents around if I was feeling sad or lonely to say anything to. So I have a hard time sharing with my daughter when I'm feeling melancholy. It doesn't happen very often, but I do. And I've been doing it and I notice –
• 53:14
  that it bonds us because she realizes that I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to be Superman, even though she looks at me as Superman. And I say, and one of the beauty parts about doing the work I've done on myself is that I finally have the ability to cry. And I'm not afraid to cry in front of my daughter because she realizes it's safe to, oh, I went years without crying, period. Period.
• 53:38
  which you're, that's the letting it go. Do you remember that milestone of the marathon of that power? You weren't created to hold it in. And when you do let that stuff go, what a feeling. There's, I love you.
• 53:57
  Thank you so much for coming on. This was absolutely a gem. And I want everybody to listen to this, share it with whether it's a parent. There are so many life lessons in today's show that even my young producer, Grant, we're going to have to listen to this all over again. He's smiling at me. And I want to remind everybody, please rate and share the podcast. I do my best to respond to all the comments on all social platforms.
• 54:22
  If you like something or didn't like something, want more or something, let me leave a comment. I'll get back to you. Each and every episode is sponsored by my parent company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.