Latest / The Breakfast Club / How to Find Yourself When Everyone’s Watching: Loren Reflects on Dr. Joel Tudman

Transcript

How to Find Yourself When Everyone’s Watching: Loren Reflects on Dr. Joel Tudman · The Breakfast Club

0:02
Speaker 1: I'm a homegrow that knows a little bit about everything
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Speaker 1: and everybody.
0:05
Speaker 2: You don't know if you don't lie about that.
0:07
Speaker 1: Right, Hey, y'all, what's up. It's Laura l Rosa and
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Speaker 1: this is the Latest with Laura de Rosa. This is
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Speaker 1: your Deli dig on all things pop culture, entertainment, news,
0:22
Speaker 1: and all of the conversations that shake the room. Baby.
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Speaker 3: Uh.
0:27
Speaker 1: Today we have a mixture of the two. And so
0:30
Speaker 1: I love conversations and news and topics that kind of
0:34
Speaker 1: live right there now. So I made that the tagline
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Speaker 1: for this podcast. So jumping right on into the latest, Uh,
0:41
Speaker 1: we had doctor Joelle Tudman on the Breakfast Club. Doctor
0:46
Speaker 1: Joel Tubman is a faith leader. He's an actor, a
0:50
Speaker 1: mental health advocate, and an author. He's actually a USA
0:54
Speaker 1: Today a best selling author. His book that he was
0:58
Speaker 1: on the Breakfast Club to promote, which is called The
1:00
Speaker 1: Fight to Find Yourself, recently was named one the USA
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Speaker 1: USA Today's best sellers. Currently available for purchase. This book
1:08
Speaker 1: about finding yourself. It b This is the definition written
1:12
Speaker 1: on his website. It blends practical teaching with deeply personal stories,
1:17
Speaker 1: guided readers through the challenges of grief, confusion, and identity
1:21
Speaker 1: toward renewed hope, joy and self discovery. This book, to me,
1:27
Speaker 1: was all about It was a very honest I mean
1:31
Speaker 1: for what I know, I don't know. I didn't know
1:33
Speaker 1: doctor Joel Tudman before I met him at the breakfast
1:35
Speaker 1: club prior to our conversation that I'm about to talk
1:37
Speaker 1: to you guys about. But taking him at his word
1:42
Speaker 1: and he is a pastor, this book is all about
1:45
Speaker 1: a very honest look into going from who am I,
1:51
Speaker 1: Why am I? And why am I doing? Why am
1:54
Speaker 1: I processing this way? Why am I thinking this way?
1:57
Speaker 1: And all of those things to knowing and understand exactly
2:01
Speaker 1: the answer to those questions, and that guiding how you
2:04
Speaker 1: are maneuvering throughout the world from relationships, I mean, like
2:08
Speaker 1: you know, personal relationships like wayfrom girlfriend, wife, husband, well
2:11
Speaker 1: in his instance, his wife, his relationship with his children,
2:15
Speaker 1: decisions he was making in his personal life and career,
2:17
Speaker 1: and you know, just a lot of different things. And
2:20
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a book that teaches you how
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Speaker 1: to work through as you're on your own own fight
2:25
Speaker 1: to figure this out. So he's at the breakfast club
2:29
Speaker 1: and we get into a conversation about me and about
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Speaker 1: the fact that I am still figuring out a lot
2:35
Speaker 1: of things, and I don't run from that. Let's take
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Speaker 1: a listen to the conversation. There's certain conversations I've never had.
2:40
Speaker 1: Like we had a financial conversation the other day and
2:42
Speaker 1: I was like, no one has ever.
2:44
Speaker 2: It's the first time you had it.
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Speaker 1: It's very new. But so it's been some months, but
2:50
Speaker 1: we've been dating for longer than that. But we've been
2:53
Speaker 1: dating for about a year. But officially.
2:57
Speaker 2: That is not new. I wish I had a computers,
2:59
Speaker 2: like do you like doing me?
3:02
Speaker 1: I think I've had to learn. You've had to learn
3:05
Speaker 1: how to be very different in this stage in my life,
3:10
Speaker 1: not even relationship, just because of like career and a
3:12
Speaker 1: lot of things. So I took a lot more time
3:15
Speaker 1: with certain things this time around sex, like being in
3:19
Speaker 1: public with each other. I took time before I did that.
3:22
Speaker 1: It's still not in public sneaky videos and see, we're
3:26
Speaker 1: still taking our time.
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Speaker 2: The path. Have you slept with him within three and
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Speaker 2: sixty five days since? Okay? You have?
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Speaker 3: You have had sex with this man multiple times? H
3:41
Speaker 3: look at your mind. You've slept with this man. You
3:43
Speaker 3: have a smile on your face, you are. You're enjoying
3:46
Speaker 3: that you have slept with this man multiple times. You
3:49
Speaker 3: should be that enthusiastic about everything else.
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Speaker 1: But I'm saying this is the first time that I am.
3:55
Speaker 1: Like in other situations, there have been things that I when.
3:58
Speaker 2: Did you find out about his credit? And what month?
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Speaker 1: Probably like within the first month, then.
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Speaker 3: When did you sleep with him? You don't want to
4:06
Speaker 3: tell me, Okay, what this is not? No, I'm just
4:09
Speaker 3: you know, I don't even want to go there, but
4:11
Speaker 3: you just pray.
4:12
Speaker 2: Now, let's just get this.
4:13
Speaker 1: I want to get this thought out because I want
4:15
Speaker 1: to hear what you have to say. Because one of
4:16
Speaker 1: the things I enjoyed learning was how you and your
4:19
Speaker 1: wife are in your fight, because one of the things
4:22
Speaker 1: I've realized with us is we're both in kind of
4:24
Speaker 1: like the trying to figure out our life separate of
4:27
Speaker 1: a relationship, but it just so happens that we're together
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Speaker 1: doing it now. And I thought that it was great
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Speaker 1: how she knows, how she knew how to support you,
4:35
Speaker 1: and because sometimes things can feel like.
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Speaker 2: This is my wife, you're his girlfriend, yes.
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Speaker 1: But still even in frank not even in friend.
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Speaker 3: It's just a completely different responsibility and a completely different.
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Speaker 1: Role, but take out relationship like boyf and girlfriends. Even
4:47
Speaker 1: in friendships, right, there are times where you feel like
4:50
Speaker 1: you're giving more to a friendship than you're receiving. And
4:52
Speaker 1: you talked about vulnerability and vulnerability being a bad thing.
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Speaker 1: That was the first time I've ever heard somebody say that.
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Speaker 1: And the reason why I brought it up is because
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Speaker 1: in situations like this, when things do feel good, you're
5:03
Speaker 1: always wondering, am I allowing certain things to happen because
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Speaker 1: it feels good? Or is it really where it's supposed
5:09
Speaker 1: to be? Relationship, friendship, whatever? How do you deal with
5:13
Speaker 1: that thought?
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Speaker 3: I don't want to go to that thought because I
5:15
Speaker 3: want to go back to your first original thought.
5:18
Speaker 2: This is an escape, go back to where we were.
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Speaker 1: Go ahead.
5:21
Speaker 2: When did you find out about his credit?
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Speaker 1: First month or first month of us being in a relationship,
5:26
Speaker 1: not the first month of us dating.
5:27
Speaker 2: Did y'all talk about your faith?
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Speaker 1: Yes? When that was probably like one of our first
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Speaker 1: in person conversations, our first time in person, that happy
5:37
Speaker 1: hour conversation. I was sitting there and I'm like, man,
5:40
Speaker 1: this man is amazing, Like I would love to get
5:42
Speaker 1: to know more about him, not just as myself.
5:44
Speaker 2: Now, let me ask you this.
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Speaker 3: When you said that, where were you psychologically emotionally? Did
5:48
Speaker 3: you know yourself before you made that decision?
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Speaker 1: No, I don't think I fully know myself.
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Speaker 2: Now, how much of yourself do you know? What do
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Speaker 2: you know about yourself?
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Speaker 1: Well, I know a lot about myself, but I don't
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Speaker 1: think that I'm fully through like my fight.
6:02
Speaker 2: Like how you so you're still fighting one hundred.
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Speaker 1: I didn't even begin the fight, honestly, probably until this year,
6:07
Speaker 1: because I didn't know that it was a fight to
6:08
Speaker 1: be had.
6:09
Speaker 3: I just figured that's so powerful because I just told
6:12
Speaker 3: him that that sometimes when you were in a relationship,
6:15
Speaker 3: this is not your relationship.
6:17
Speaker 1: Oh hey, I'm enjoying this.
6:18
Speaker 3: I think sometimes when you're in a relationship, when you
6:21
Speaker 3: get healed, when you actually find you, it opens up
6:26
Speaker 3: your eyes so much that you start looking at all
6:29
Speaker 3: of your choices and all of your decisions, and you
6:32
Speaker 3: can see the unhealthy picks, the unhealthy partners, the unhealthy conversations.
6:38
Speaker 1: Okay, Now I have had people calling me about this conversation,
6:45
Speaker 1: text to me about the conversation, and I have not
6:49
Speaker 1: responded nor answered any of it because I wanted to
6:52
Speaker 1: come to the podcast the Ladys with one of the
6:54
Speaker 1: Roads and have a very honest conversation and reaction to
6:58
Speaker 1: the conversation without other people's like feelings and well why
7:04
Speaker 1: did it like, you know, all of that getting into it.
7:07
Speaker 1: So I see nothing wrong with the conversation. If I
7:11
Speaker 1: did in the moment, I would have said I don't
7:13
Speaker 1: want to have this conversation anymore. I felt like I
7:16
Speaker 1: was in a position where if that's what I wanted
7:19
Speaker 1: to do or say, I could have done that. That's
7:20
Speaker 1: number one. Number Two, I think it's really tough to
7:25
Speaker 1: be vulnerable in front of the world on a platform
7:29
Speaker 1: like the Breakfast Club. You know, you got millions of
7:32
Speaker 1: listeners across radio, millions of viewers across social media. Very
7:37
Speaker 1: very difficult, right. But I think that conversations like this
7:41
Speaker 1: that are very honest, that are very vulnerable, that might
7:46
Speaker 1: be a little bit uncomfortable. Because there were points where
7:48
Speaker 1: I was uncomfortable, But it wasn't because I didn't want
7:50
Speaker 1: to have the conversation. It was Number one. I felt, Okay,
7:52
Speaker 1: this is a lot to be saying to number one,
7:55
Speaker 1: a pastor, but also this is a lot to just
7:58
Speaker 1: be saying to a pastor or someone that I don't
8:01
Speaker 1: know personally, So there's a lot of like background things
8:05
Speaker 1: and you know, just all of that that he's not
8:08
Speaker 1: going to know or understand because he doesn't know me.
8:10
Speaker 1: This is our second time meeting. But I wasn't uncomfortable
8:14
Speaker 1: in the conversation to the point where I didn't want
8:15
Speaker 1: to have it. It was more like I felt like,
8:17
Speaker 1: at a certain point, Okay, I'm trying to explain things
8:20
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to explain the sky being blue to
8:25
Speaker 1: a person who doesn't have their eyes open enough to
8:29
Speaker 1: see the sky is blue, and not because they're malicious
8:32
Speaker 1: or their intent is to harm me or to try
8:34
Speaker 1: and you know, be aggressive with me, or you know,
8:38
Speaker 1: just embarrassing me or anything like that, just because naturally,
8:42
Speaker 1: if you're walking into a situation where you don't know
8:44
Speaker 1: someone or know all of the surrounding facts, you're kind
8:47
Speaker 1: of put at a you're kind of putting like he
8:50
Speaker 1: could only speak to me about the things we were
8:53
Speaker 1: having a conversation about in that moment, and I'm like, okay,
8:56
Speaker 1: I don't think and he even said it in the conversation,
8:58
Speaker 1: He's Okay, this is a long conversation because I think
9:02
Speaker 1: even he began to realize, there's no way we can
9:04
Speaker 1: have this conversation right here and this amount of time
9:06
Speaker 1: that we have, and you gather enough from me in
9:09
Speaker 1: a situation to really be able to coach me through this.
9:14
Speaker 1: And the reason why we ended up here is because
9:16
Speaker 1: I think, not even think. It is because I know
9:20
Speaker 1: that at this point in my life, I've just been
9:24
Speaker 1: so different about a lot of things that I'm doing,
9:26
Speaker 1: a lot of the people that are in my life,
9:27
Speaker 1: a lot of the people that I communicate with every
9:29
Speaker 1: day versus that I don't choose to communicate with every
9:32
Speaker 1: day things I'm involving myself in. And I'm not perfect.
9:36
Speaker 1: I still crash out every now and then, you know
9:39
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm not a queen crash out no
9:40
Speaker 1: more but grab the crowd every now and then. But yeah,
9:43
Speaker 1: I just things have just been different and and have changed,
9:46
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of it is, you know,
9:48
Speaker 1: my age, I'm getting older. Also career wise, things are
9:51
Speaker 1: in a different place, and you know, there's always a
9:53
Speaker 1: thing of protecting that, but also not even just protecting
9:57
Speaker 1: and wanting to gain, because I think I'm keeping everything.
10:00
Speaker 1: It's more so about my intention as I'm trying to
10:03
Speaker 1: really figure out my intention and a lot of the
10:05
Speaker 1: things that I'm doing people, I'm interacting with, people, I'm
10:07
Speaker 1: allowing in my life and in my personal space, the ideas,
10:10
Speaker 1: the thoughts, the you know, everything on my day to day.
10:14
Speaker 1: As I'm trying to figure that out, I'm learning that
10:17
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that I have to unlearn
10:19
Speaker 1: and do completely different. And that's my fight, and that's
10:23
Speaker 1: what I'm going through literally daily. That is what I'm
10:26
Speaker 1: going through as my fight to figure out who Lauren
10:30
Speaker 1: really is. And I think I've always been like a
10:34
Speaker 1: very confident person, knowing myself enough to know, Okay, here
10:38
Speaker 1: are the goals I want to set for the year,
10:40
Speaker 1: Here's what I want to get done. If I experience
10:43
Speaker 1: something I don't like, I'm not afraid to say I
10:44
Speaker 1: don't like it. If I experience something I love, I'm
10:46
Speaker 1: not afraid to say, hey, I love it. But I
10:49
Speaker 1: think that there's a deeper fight to find yourself when
10:53
Speaker 1: you really I've been just in a real space of
10:58
Speaker 1: I don't want to just be happy to be anywhere,
11:01
Speaker 1: and I don't want to just be anywhere. And I
11:02
Speaker 1: don't mean that by oh, I'm put up, I'm in
11:04
Speaker 1: the crabe, I'm the outside on the couches, because every
11:06
Speaker 1: now and then you're gonna catch me on some couches.
11:08
Speaker 1: But I mean that in the sense of like why,
11:11
Speaker 1: what is the why? And the more I think about that,
11:16
Speaker 1: the more I'm open to having these conversations because I
11:20
Speaker 1: think a lot of people that have anything going on
11:24
Speaker 1: for themselves, whether your career is propping right now and
11:27
Speaker 1: you got the you know, the ideal family and the
11:29
Speaker 1: picture frame that everybody wants you bind you out here
11:32
Speaker 1: being able to shop and get fly and lift whatever
11:35
Speaker 1: is the highlight of your like success or like what
11:38
Speaker 1: success looks like to you. Whenever you are on a
11:42
Speaker 1: very strong path to that and things are working out,
11:46
Speaker 1: people look at you like, Okay, you got everything together,
11:48
Speaker 1: so you must know yourself. You must you must have
11:51
Speaker 1: found yourself like all of those things, Like people don't
11:54
Speaker 1: realize that two things can also be true. And I
11:56
Speaker 1: think for me, I think the beauty and what I'm
11:59
Speaker 1: experiencing right now is and if I'm being honest with y'all,
12:04
Speaker 1: I think a lot of the reason why when you
12:07
Speaker 1: guys are meeting me here on the latest with along
12:09
Speaker 1: the roads of the podcast, or you're meeting me over
12:11
Speaker 1: at the breakfast club. You stick along for the journey
12:14
Speaker 1: to figure out, you know, what's happening the next day,
12:16
Speaker 1: the next week, the next month. Because because I've been
12:20
Speaker 1: very honest about the fact that I don't have it
12:22
Speaker 1: all together, I'm gonna mess up. I'm gonna you know,
12:27
Speaker 1: I'm an overachiever about a lot. Sometimes that's great for me.
12:31
Speaker 1: Sometimes that hinders me. I don't have every answer that like.
12:35
Speaker 1: I think there are so many people who don't do
12:39
Speaker 1: and don't have those conversations on these platforms, Like I
12:44
Speaker 1: just never mind doing it. And I think even bigger
12:46
Speaker 1: than myself removing myself, I think that it helps people.
12:51
Speaker 1: I don't know all the ways it helps people, because
12:53
Speaker 1: people receive things differently depending on what they need at
12:56
Speaker 1: the time. But I do think it helps people. To
12:58
Speaker 1: be able to hear you be self accountable like that,
13:03
Speaker 1: to be able to hear you be a little uncomfortable
13:07
Speaker 1: like that, to be able to hear you be just
13:12
Speaker 1: like willing to from a very honest place. Just how
13:17
Speaker 1: the truth. Yo, this is what's going on. Here's what
13:20
Speaker 1: I'm experiencing, here's why, here's what I've changed, Here's why
13:24
Speaker 1: I've changed that. And then I think in relationship too.
13:27
Speaker 1: You know, for me, I've always wondered like women who
13:30
Speaker 1: are super career driven, who have so much going on
13:33
Speaker 1: for themselves, and the few of them that are able
13:37
Speaker 1: to balance, and I think that that stigma has to
13:39
Speaker 1: begin to die down a bit, like you can't have
13:41
Speaker 1: it all, but it's hard. But the women that I
13:43
Speaker 1: see that are actually in these relationships, that are actually
13:46
Speaker 1: in these marriages, and that are actually happy. And I
13:49
Speaker 1: don't mean like happy where it's like it's picture perfect,
13:53
Speaker 1: do it for the gram, do it for the red carpet,
13:55
Speaker 1: like that type of thing. I mean like actually feel
13:57
Speaker 1: like they have a partner, a person that like not
14:00
Speaker 1: only finishes their sentence but completes their life in a
14:02
Speaker 1: real way. They had to get to a place where
14:07
Speaker 1: what I'm going through right now in real life, where
14:09
Speaker 1: like I'm being like, Okay, I don't want to be
14:11
Speaker 1: like this, I don't want to show up like this.
14:15
Speaker 1: I also kind of need to be honest about the
14:17
Speaker 1: fact that I may show up like there's some days
14:19
Speaker 1: in this relationship because it's something that I want to change,
14:22
Speaker 1: but it's not something that I have changed yet, and
14:24
Speaker 1: like where does it lie if I'm not this perfect person,
14:27
Speaker 1: this perfect girl, you know, the cute girl from the
14:30
Speaker 1: radio and Instagram and all of that, Like where do
14:32
Speaker 1: you lie in my life? And what does your unconditional
14:36
Speaker 1: love look like?
14:38
Speaker 2: For me?
14:39
Speaker 1: And that's not just in relationship with a boyfriend or
14:42
Speaker 1: you know, for anybody, or like it's with the male
14:45
Speaker 1: and their girlfriend or whoever you're dating. I think about
14:49
Speaker 1: that in relationships, just in friendships and work relationships, like
14:52
Speaker 1: I have so many common And this conversation even went
14:55
Speaker 1: into a conversation about you know, me and Charlemagne and
14:58
Speaker 1: and envy and like just our dynamic in a room
15:00
Speaker 1: and more so me and Charlottmagne and just you know,
15:03
Speaker 1: some things I've learned about myself in being very honest
15:09
Speaker 1: and being open to tell people, hey, this is what
15:11
Speaker 1: I'm experiencing or this is how I feel, or being
15:15
Speaker 1: defensive when maybe I shouldn't have been, or been defensive
15:17
Speaker 1: when I should have been. It's opened me up to
15:19
Speaker 1: conversations that have really helped me to take a step
15:23
Speaker 1: outside myself and just look at things and then from
15:26
Speaker 1: there be able to be like, Okay, here's everything I've experienced,
15:30
Speaker 1: Here's everything I've learned, Here's everything I haven't learned, but
15:34
Speaker 1: I want to learn. I just gotta figure out where
15:36
Speaker 1: to learn it from. Because I was open enough to respond,
15:41
Speaker 1: or I was open enough to be emotional in a conversation,
15:44
Speaker 1: or you know, like I just I just want at
15:49
Speaker 1: the end of me finding myself and my path and
15:52
Speaker 1: all of this, I really just want people to be
15:54
Speaker 1: able to say I've been able to like learn and
15:59
Speaker 1: grow and do everything I need to do to further
16:03
Speaker 1: progress myself when I get to that point where I
16:05
Speaker 1: felt like I'm so stagnant because what else am I
16:07
Speaker 1: supposed to do? I'm the smartest person in my friend group,
16:10
Speaker 1: or I'm the yo. We were talking about this today
16:12
Speaker 1: on the radio, simming from this conversation. It made me
16:15
Speaker 1: start thinking too about like how much of my cause
16:18
Speaker 1: A lot of the conversation and I want you guys
16:20
Speaker 1: to go check out the full interview over on the
16:23
Speaker 1: Breakfast Clubs, a YouTube channel. In on the podcast, some
16:34
Speaker 1: of the conversation also went into how much of my
16:36
Speaker 1: dad not being a consistent person in my life depends
16:40
Speaker 1: or has resulted in some of the feelings in a
16:43
Speaker 1: different traits that I have, and I took it a
16:46
Speaker 1: step further and I'm like, you know, I don't even
16:48
Speaker 1: think it was just that, yeah, that contributed to it.
16:51
Speaker 1: I realized from the time that I spent with my dad,
16:53
Speaker 1: probably like two summers ago, which was probably the most
16:56
Speaker 1: consistent time that we ever spent together, in the closest
16:58
Speaker 1: time we ever spent together for a few weeks, I
17:01
Speaker 1: realized then, like, I've never really understood what it was
17:04
Speaker 1: like to trust a man to do anything, to make
17:08
Speaker 1: decisions for me, to love me, to lead me, not
17:12
Speaker 1: fully like it's different because I have uncles, I have
17:15
Speaker 1: a stepdad, like I have a brother, So I have
17:19
Speaker 1: been in my life who do certain things, but it's
17:22
Speaker 1: different when it's from your dad. And they're also not
17:25
Speaker 1: one hundred percent in the way that they show up
17:26
Speaker 1: in my life. So I think when you have and
17:32
Speaker 1: even with the father thing, I think a lot of
17:34
Speaker 1: my friends who did grow up with a father in
17:35
Speaker 1: the household experienced disappointment in the same way that I
17:38
Speaker 1: have without a father in the household. I think that
17:41
Speaker 1: it's a it's a very child like innocence where your
17:46
Speaker 1: dad is the super hero, period there are no faults,
17:50
Speaker 1: and then you get to a certain point where like
17:51
Speaker 1: you realize, oh no, he's human. And it's weird because
17:54
Speaker 1: I feel like I've experienced all of those emotions, which
17:58
Speaker 1: has brought me to the point of being able to
18:00
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and have the conversation like what I had
18:02
Speaker 1: with you know, on the show with Doctor Tubman, because
18:06
Speaker 1: I've been able to go through all those emotions and
18:08
Speaker 1: I've gotten to a really good place about it, Like
18:11
Speaker 1: even on days where it's not the easiest thing to experience,
18:14
Speaker 1: I'm at the place where I'm like, Okay, I know
18:16
Speaker 1: this man is human and I ain't gonna hold him
18:19
Speaker 1: too you know, but so much. But I also know
18:21
Speaker 1: as a human being as well, I got upset my
18:23
Speaker 1: own boundaries. It's taught me a lot about boundaries. But
18:26
Speaker 1: also being an oldest child in a household with a
18:28
Speaker 1: single mom, I've always had to figure it out like
18:34
Speaker 1: I've always had my I literally can hear my mom's voice. Now,
18:37
Speaker 1: nobody's coming to save you. If you don't have an answer,
18:40
Speaker 1: you better find one, literally, And I think very strong
18:44
Speaker 1: way to raise a child. You can put me anywhere
18:47
Speaker 1: on the earth. I'm gonna triple my worth for real,
18:50
Speaker 1: for real. But at the same time, I think it
18:52
Speaker 1: has never allowed for me to allow other people in friendship,
18:57
Speaker 1: relationship or whatever in certain ways, like I've always been
19:02
Speaker 1: coachable and teachable, but there are certain ways and certain
19:05
Speaker 1: things where if it's worked for me, I'm sticking to
19:07
Speaker 1: that and there's nothing you can tell me. And I
19:09
Speaker 1: think that that goes into my blind loyalty to people
19:11
Speaker 1: even when I shouldn't be. Like there's been so much
19:14
Speaker 1: dial back and conversation I've been able to have with myself,
19:18
Speaker 1: and I'm like, these are conversations we should be having
19:21
Speaker 1: because nobody has it all figured out. Nobody don't care
19:25
Speaker 1: me follows, you got how paid you are, Nobody has
19:29
Speaker 1: it all figured out. And I think even when you
19:31
Speaker 1: get to a point where you have it all figured out,
19:34
Speaker 1: like I got into a point when I was living
19:36
Speaker 1: in LA and I'm like, okay, I'm able to pay
19:37
Speaker 1: my bills everybody straight, I'm like, this is cool. Like
19:41
Speaker 1: I could be on cruise Control, i could pay rent. Now,
19:44
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, everybody's cool. Life is good.
19:47
Speaker 1: Right now. I'm doing what I you know, what I
19:50
Speaker 1: love to do at least for the most part, what
19:53
Speaker 1: I love to do, and then things when haywire and
19:55
Speaker 1: I'm like, dang, at every level of your life at
19:58
Speaker 1: any second, you could just have to be back in
20:01
Speaker 1: that position to figure it out. And I think being
20:04
Speaker 1: able to have conversations like this give people real tools
20:07
Speaker 1: to go back and watch and listen to to be
20:10
Speaker 1: able to be like I mean, sometimes the answer is
20:13
Speaker 1: is you doing the best that you can and that's
20:15
Speaker 1: all you can do until you realize you should be
20:18
Speaker 1: doing more, and then you go seek proper resources and
20:22
Speaker 1: you know, all the things to figure out what that
20:23
Speaker 1: more looks like. Because up until this year, I'm be
20:26
Speaker 1: honest with y'all, there was a lot of things that
20:29
Speaker 1: I would never do today that last year you couldn't
20:34
Speaker 1: tell me nothing about. But there was like this awakening
20:38
Speaker 1: of I don't know, like I just not even that
20:40
Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like it was. It definitely
20:42
Speaker 1: is a faith journey, Like I think, the more that
20:44
Speaker 1: I locked into what I feel like not even I
20:47
Speaker 1: don't know for sure, so I won't say what I
20:49
Speaker 1: feel like, the more I locked into wanting to understand
20:51
Speaker 1: what my purpose in life is and what my purpose
20:54
Speaker 1: in the things that God has blessed me with is
20:58
Speaker 1: the more I begin to lose type for certain things.
21:01
Speaker 1: And I'm still trying to lose appetite for a little
21:04
Speaker 1: bit of things. You know what I'm saying. There's still
21:06
Speaker 1: some things that I feel like I need to lose
21:08
Speaker 1: appetite four And I know that until I do that,
21:10
Speaker 1: I won't be blessed with certain things. But the fact
21:13
Speaker 1: that I'm even like aware and accountable that is so
21:15
Speaker 1: different from me than how I was last year. And
21:18
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And I think,
21:20
Speaker 1: especially when you're young and you're figuring out career and
21:23
Speaker 1: your voice, yo, you get There'll be some days when
21:26
Speaker 1: I leave work or even if i'm watching other people
21:30
Speaker 1: on air or like people on blogs or on X
21:33
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, people be so hypocritical, And I know
21:38
Speaker 1: I can be hypocritical too, Not even people like I'm
21:41
Speaker 1: saying about y'all. I'm saying, like, as a people, we
21:43
Speaker 1: can be so hypocritical. And I always think, what is
21:46
Speaker 1: the best version of myself? Where everything I'm saying I'm
21:49
Speaker 1: gonna do and everything I'm saying I want to be
21:52
Speaker 1: and show up ass, I'm actually doing it. I wasn't
21:55
Speaker 1: thinking like this last year and next year is gonna
21:57
Speaker 1: be another version of it. And there's nothing wrong with saying,
22:00
Speaker 1: here's exactly what I'm doing now to be better. Don't
22:04
Speaker 1: got it all figured out. But that doesn't mean I'm
22:06
Speaker 1: some like aimless shooter, you know what I mean, and
22:10
Speaker 1: you shouldn't feel like that. I think the more vulnerable
22:13
Speaker 1: people can be on major platforms, the more people realize like,
22:17
Speaker 1: it's okay, that pressure ain't about nothing, because it's gonna
22:20
Speaker 1: keep coming and coming and coming and coming, and it's
22:23
Speaker 1: nothing you can do about it. There's also nothing you
22:25
Speaker 1: can do about the fact that you might not be
22:27
Speaker 1: ready to handle the pressure. That's been a lot of
22:29
Speaker 1: things this year that I had to say to myself,
22:32
Speaker 1: you ain't ready for that, Laura, you jumping into fast girl,
22:35
Speaker 1: sit down you you cannot handle that. But when things
22:41
Speaker 1: have come that I feel like I can handle my
22:43
Speaker 1: new relationship or just even this podcast, then like managing
22:48
Speaker 1: this and figuring out team and figuring out what my
22:50
Speaker 1: voice is here, I'm like, yeah, you're ready, you are,
22:54
Speaker 1: but here's everything you said you wanted to do, so
22:57
Speaker 1: here's everything. Or on the other side, that you're gonna
22:59
Speaker 1: needed to do it, get it done. And I think
23:03
Speaker 1: when you're that vulnerable and you're that you know, out
23:05
Speaker 1: loud about it with yourself and other people, the sense
23:08
Speaker 1: of accountability you have to maintain because you don't put
23:10
Speaker 1: it out there now is different. So I'm never against
23:13
Speaker 1: having these conversations. I didn't walk away from this conversation like,
23:15
Speaker 1: oh my god, why, like I didn't. I know, people
23:19
Speaker 1: took issue with some of the questions I was asked,
23:22
Speaker 1: and you know what, And I'm like, I didn't mind it,
23:26
Speaker 1: So I don't know why you guys should mind it.
23:28
Speaker 1: And maybe you know again, I didn't mind it because
23:32
Speaker 1: I'm looking at myself as kind of like a vessel
23:34
Speaker 1: of there's somebody out there that has given too much
23:38
Speaker 1: to the wrong situation. It needs to hear. Just because
23:41
Speaker 1: you did that once and it ended in a shipwreck
23:44
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's gonna happen again. But let's doubt back
23:48
Speaker 1: and let's learn what we did in that situation that
23:52
Speaker 1: could have been done a little bit different. Over here.
23:55
Speaker 1: Everything in life is trialing area and I don't mind
23:58
Speaker 1: being supposed kid for that. We'll tell y all though
24:01
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna try and air for too long about
24:04
Speaker 1: certain things like that's gonna happen for the rest of
24:06
Speaker 1: my life, but about certain I'm a person that like,
24:08
Speaker 1: let's get to the solution, you know what I'm saying.
24:11
Speaker 1: I think that's also why I'm so open about being vulnerables,
24:13
Speaker 1: because I know, at the end of the day, anything
24:16
Speaker 1: that I'm willing to get on a platform and talk
24:18
Speaker 1: about are things that I'm actively working on myself. And
24:20
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. I don't know when I got
24:22
Speaker 1: this sense of girl, you gotta do better. But hopefully
24:27
Speaker 1: these type of conversations will motivate you guys to also
24:30
Speaker 1: look at, you know, some of the things that your life,
24:32
Speaker 1: in your life that you're either not trying to be
24:35
Speaker 1: honest with yourself about, running from real conversations about and
24:39
Speaker 1: just realize, like it happens to the best of us,
24:43
Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversations, moments that you wish you could take back,
24:46
Speaker 1: and it's not the end of the world. But there's
24:49
Speaker 1: been other, you know, conversations I've had to have and
24:51
Speaker 1: work and in business, and I think I also learned
24:54
Speaker 1: this year that like growing up the way I did
24:57
Speaker 1: with having to always figure things out. Made me a
25:00
Speaker 1: little people pleasey for sure. And when I realized that
25:04
Speaker 1: that was a game changer because now I'm always able
25:06
Speaker 1: to catch myself when I'm doing it, and I'm always
25:10
Speaker 1: able to have a conversation like, all right, are you
25:11
Speaker 1: trying to please the people or is it that you
25:14
Speaker 1: really care? Does that or that? Does that really that
25:18
Speaker 1: issue that you're taking with this? Is it because of
25:21
Speaker 1: the people pleasing thing? Or is it because you you
25:23
Speaker 1: really feel like if you pay attention to this and
25:25
Speaker 1: listen to this, it'll it'll progress you. And that has
25:30
Speaker 1: actually been able to talk about. I mentioned, uh, you know,
25:33
Speaker 1: setting boundaries, you know, with my dad in this episode
25:37
Speaker 1: that has that has nothing to do with my dad
25:40
Speaker 1: at all. That has a lot to do with my
25:42
Speaker 1: mother and our relationship. But that's been able to protect
25:46
Speaker 1: me so much when I had to be like, uh, girl,
25:48
Speaker 1: now why are you doing that? So if I'll take
25:51
Speaker 1: a listen to the full conversation, y'all, I think it's
25:54
Speaker 1: definitely one. Uh definitely want to watch, one to listen to.
25:59
Speaker 1: And I want you, guys, when I post this, you know,
26:01
Speaker 1: live to the podcast and to wherever else will be.
26:05
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you, guys. I'm Loaura la
26:07
Speaker 1: Rosa everywhere and want you to watch the conversation and
26:09
Speaker 1: let me know what was your first thought, your first reaction,
26:11
Speaker 1: and what conversation did it spark for you with yourself,
26:14
Speaker 1: with people in your life, all of the things. And
26:17
Speaker 1: I'll close with I was reading this article on Refinery
26:21
Speaker 1: twenty nine. They did this article a few days ago,
26:23
Speaker 1: and the title of the article is what do we
26:26
Speaker 1: lose when Black women in journalism disappear? Dot dot everything? Period?
26:33
Speaker 1: And there's been a lot of conversation about the erasure
26:36
Speaker 1: of you know, black voice in the media space and
26:40
Speaker 1: the journalists space and personality space, because there's been a
26:43
Speaker 1: lot of recent mergers and acquisitions with outlets that have
26:47
Speaker 1: cost a lot of black journalists to lose their jobs.
26:52
Speaker 1: We talked about Rolling Stone merging with Vibe a few
26:55
Speaker 1: episodes ago. If you have not taken a listen to that,
26:57
Speaker 1: please go listen. But in this article specifically, which was
27:01
Speaker 1: written by a journalist named Ebanie Walker, the question that
27:05
Speaker 1: it's posed is what necessary perspective perspectives do we lose
27:08
Speaker 1: and what questions go unasks and unanswered when black journalists
27:11
Speaker 1: are among the first to be seen as disposable on
27:14
Speaker 1: a mast head. And I'm be honest with y'all the
27:17
Speaker 1: conversation that I had with doctor Joele Tubman on the
27:19
Speaker 1: Breakfast Club. Please go check out that conversation if you
27:22
Speaker 1: have not seen it. It's one of the conversations we lose.
27:25
Speaker 1: Imagine if there was no Breakfast Club to be able
27:30
Speaker 1: to facilitate a conversation between an older black male and
27:34
Speaker 1: a younger black woman about relationships, sex, timelines in a relationship,
27:43
Speaker 1: intention in a relationship, daddy daughter stuff. And I think
27:48
Speaker 1: that that's part of the reason too, now that I'm
27:50
Speaker 1: thinking about it, I think part of the reason people
27:52
Speaker 1: were triggered by the conversation with me and doctor Tubman.
27:58
Speaker 1: Not everybody, but I think for some people it's tough
28:01
Speaker 1: to see a man have a conversation with a younger
28:05
Speaker 1: with a young woman in that way. I think it
28:08
Speaker 1: feels very judgy to some people. I think it can
28:11
Speaker 1: feel very it's my way or the highway, yeah, and
28:16
Speaker 1: I can I can understand people feeling that way, but
28:20
Speaker 1: I do think that I don't know, I think we
28:23
Speaker 1: should be able to have those conversations still because I
28:26
Speaker 1: think you know when I read this article Refinery twenty
28:30
Speaker 1: nine and it talked about the fact that teen Vogue
28:33
Speaker 1: now well as of November fourteen, twenty twenty five, it
28:36
Speaker 1: was reported that teen Vogue stands with zero black women
28:39
Speaker 1: or trans folks on their staff. And it just made
28:42
Speaker 1: me think about everything I saw on television and heard
28:46
Speaker 1: on the radio when I was a child that inspired
28:49
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do and how I wanted to
28:50
Speaker 1: do it. You're talking about vulnerable conversations. I mean, I
28:53
Speaker 1: feel like when I used to listen to the radio
28:55
Speaker 1: and watch TV, like when I was coming up, you
28:58
Speaker 1: could literally learn from episodes of The Cosby Show and
29:02
Speaker 1: you know, living single and a different world. And I
29:06
Speaker 1: mean she even Wendy Williams on the radio, the conversation
29:09
Speaker 1: she wasn't afraid to get into and dig into, even
29:12
Speaker 1: though she was very protective of her personal life. Like
29:15
Speaker 1: those type of things are what motivated me to even
29:18
Speaker 1: be okay and want to do things like you know,
29:20
Speaker 1: the conversation with doctor Joele Tubman. Imagine if I was
29:23
Speaker 1: never able to see that. But also too, I think
29:27
Speaker 1: we're always teaching other people how to treat us, and
29:31
Speaker 1: I think not being able to have certain conversations or
29:35
Speaker 1: have certain people who understand things because you know, black
29:40
Speaker 1: people just know black people. Right. It's dangerous because it's like,
29:44
Speaker 1: what are the checks and balances in the room. Who's
29:48
Speaker 1: teaching who how to talk about us, how to talk
29:50
Speaker 1: to us, how to you know what I'm saying. It's
29:53
Speaker 1: scary when you think about it. The article talks about
29:57
Speaker 1: things like this happening. Right, So the zero, the alleged
30:01
Speaker 1: or reported zero black women are transfolk on their staff,
30:05
Speaker 1: you know. But then they also mention it's been reported
30:09
Speaker 1: that fifteen percent of reporters who cover social issues and
30:12
Speaker 1: policy are black, and that's according to a twenty twenty
30:15
Speaker 1: two Pew Research study. Now, of that number, it starts
30:19
Speaker 1: to get smaller. That number drops to about seven percent
30:22
Speaker 1: when you talk about entertainment, and that number drops a
30:25
Speaker 1: five percent when you talk about government and politics. Again,
30:29
Speaker 1: it's who's in the room to really make people understand
30:33
Speaker 1: how to talk about us, how to talk to us,
30:35
Speaker 1: but also how to teach us. When we come to
30:38
Speaker 1: these outlets and we want to learn and understand and grow,
30:42
Speaker 1: who's there to do it? So I think that there's
30:45
Speaker 1: a centenaris of responsibility in my opinion, and hey, I'm
30:49
Speaker 1: open for debate when you're on these platforms to like
30:52
Speaker 1: you know, charlam Mane always sys in the morning when
30:55
Speaker 1: they open the breakfast club, like another day to be
30:57
Speaker 1: of service to the people. I just think this is
30:59
Speaker 1: a part as I'm figuring out, like my walk and
31:03
Speaker 1: my fight for myself, I think this is all a
31:05
Speaker 1: part of it. Like I'm growing in front of the
31:08
Speaker 1: world because I want to tell somebody else that it's
31:10
Speaker 1: okay to do that. But also as I'm growing, someone's
31:13
Speaker 1: attached to that and they're growing with me, and there's
31:16
Speaker 1: a responsibility to that. You know, we have a good
31:19
Speaker 1: time and we jokey joke and all the things, and
31:21
Speaker 1: there's a responsibility to that at the end of the day.
31:23
Speaker 1: And I can't we as black people, can't get around that.
31:28
Speaker 1: Even if you don't try, even if you don't think
31:30
Speaker 1: about it, there is someone attached to everything that you're doing.
31:35
Speaker 1: And as I'm learning to be intentional on so many
31:36
Speaker 1: things about about my life, I want to learn and
31:38
Speaker 1: be intentional when I'm behind any microphone as well too,
31:41
Speaker 1: as much as I can be in people's business. And
31:43
Speaker 1: y'all know, I could do it with the sources and
31:45
Speaker 1: all the things. I also want to have conversations like
31:49
Speaker 1: this that get into things and just that pull back
31:55
Speaker 1: the veil enough to make a person feel so comfortable
31:59
Speaker 1: with me in any place from Mamaw and that they're
32:01
Speaker 1: willing to learn and listen. That's it, that's all. I'm
32:06
Speaker 1: Lorna Rosa. This is another episode of the Latest with
32:10
Speaker 1: Lorna Rosa. And at the end of the day, my Lowriders,
32:12
Speaker 1: I tell y'all all the time, you guys could be
32:15
Speaker 1: anywhere with anybody having this conversation, but y'all choose to
32:18
Speaker 1: be right here with me, and I appreciate you.
32:20
Speaker 2: Guys.
32:21
Speaker 1: Okay, I will catch you in my next episode.