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207. Healing in Relationship · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I am your host, rochelle.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a holistic human design health coach and this is a space for human design and spiritual journey.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It's not about being a master of your emotions, rather mastering the tools to self-regulate, to awakening yourself and remembering who you are.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Human design changed my life about five years ago and I've been learning and teaching the system ever since.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: This podcast is human design meets spirituality, meets astrology.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a belief system to be here, just an open mind and curiosity.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is a journey of meeting yourself and awakening to your infinite potential.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Now let the magic begin.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: This week is going to be a little bit of a catch-up.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I did not have an episode last week, which is probably the first time in like two and a half years I did not put something out.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: But the last few weeks have been deep reflection, turning inward, maybe with all the planets retrograde, pluto, saturn, neptune, all of them just really turning this energy inward and being able to reflect and assess and take inventory.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I did a huge journaling around the new moon and cancer, just of where I'm at, what this year has led to, what transformations I'm seeing within, and so I know that I want to show up a little bit differently here and on Instagram and social media, and I'm still sort of figuring out what that looks like.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I think I want it to be a little bit more raw and vulnerable and when I look at my own personal journey which I think a lot of times when we are healers and we're in this industry and in this business, our story is ourselves, right, our clientele is ourselves, our perfect ideal client is ourselves, like five years ago.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: And for me, when I look at my own story, it's really rooted in relationship trauma and I've talked about it in here.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: But the real raw truth, I think, is that it's incredibly painful to heal from that.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I am a fearful avoidant.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: So if you don't know attachment styles, there have been a couple episodes on the podcast on attachment styles.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: You can take a little quiz online as well to find yours.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'll link the episode in the show notes so you can go listen and get a little better of an idea, because this was one of those modalities, that one of these concepts that really radically changed the way I viewed myself and how I showed up in relationships and sometimes even with awareness.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: It's incredibly challenging and incredibly painful because we are souls having this human experience, but our senses make this perceived reality so real.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Right, whatever you want to believe, we're in a matrix.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's all an illusion.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Like we create a reality.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: It's energetics.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Even if you look at science down to the molecule, I mean there's 99.99 space.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Right, like all of these things are ready to be written.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: We're co-creating with each other, with the universe.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Our souls came here for a very specific and intentional purpose and because of the way that we experience emotions in this 3D human experience, because of the way that we experience our senses again, everything becomes very, very real.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: And so when we're healing from trauma, when we're healing our emotional wounds, healing from trauma, when we're healing our emotional wounds, the emotional reaction and response to the subconscious is really powerful, because it takes a lot of willpower and a lot of intentionality and a lot of work to be able to say I'm having an emotional experience and everything I'm witnessing right now is not my truth.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: It's really hard.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Again, I identify as a fearful avoidant, and so this means that I tend to oscillate, rotate between anxious and dismissive, and if you have an insecure attachment style, it's really helpful to get familiar with what that means and how it shows up.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I tend to choose people that are dismissive, which therefore makes me more anxious, and so I've noticed that pattern of being really, really anxious in relationships, and sometimes it's the things that I feel like I want in relationships are the things that are holding me in patterns, and so what I mean by that is that I was listening to a podcast earlier.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: It was about texting and dating and I had to laugh because it is so me.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: It's that idea of in the beginning of a relationship, if we are consistently texting and just like love bombing, it's like you almost have no room to grow from that.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: And I had an experience over the last week, a couple of weeks actually just where energetically I felt very I don't want to use the word suffocated, but I had no space to go.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So I felt very overwhelmed energetically, and this is often what happens in past relationships, where we sort of overwhelm each other in the beginning, and then I feel that and I run because I don't know my system is too much, and also, at the same time, like I crave that closeness, I crave that intensity, I crave that.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I guess it's that instant gratification of like I sent you a text, you sent me back.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I know you're thinking about me and my current relationship is very much not like that.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I feel like I present a lot more anxious and, although it can be really frustrating at times, I have also become learned to really appreciate a lot of the dynamics of the relationship.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: But because I'm not getting that instant hit, if I were to get that instant hit, if we were to overwhelm each other, it would have been done by now.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: You can't heal in the same place that the trauma occurred, and so for me that means that overwhelm, that love, bombing, that controlling.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I can't heal in that space and unfortunately that's what my system is used to.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It's what's familiar and so, although it's not healthy, there's an element of comfort in the discomfort right and so, being on the opposite end, being in something that is healthier, my system feels like I will often think like, wow, I'm so toxic, toxic.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: And it's not that I'm toxic because I do want to heal and I'm doing the work, and I think I've created a level of awareness that I can have these conversations and I can journal and meditate and reflect and come back to myself and not just run because that's what I used to do.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I just run, ghost and run.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: It's showing or it's allowing me to have a new appreciation for someone that is actually safe, and it's something that I hadn't experienced before.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I posted something on Instagram and it was like so a situation that happened, that these little things happen sometimes, and I'm just like whoa, it's so beautiful, like it's just so healing, and sometimes we don't realize how healing these situations are healing, and sometimes we don't realize how healing these situations are.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: We have to let people show up for us, and the only way to do that is to be vulnerable and to open ourselves up to it, and one instance that comes to mind for recently that sort of showed me the ability to open up and let people in and to trust people.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: So the reflector and I have been dating for about nine, 10 months now and again it's always in these little demonstrations of what it is to be seen and to feel safe.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: We were discussing when we're going to see each other next and it was going to have to be like a week or something like that, and my inner child literally I can like visualize it like just crossed her arms and like got a lump in her throat and was like oh, and I guess I made a noise and he asked like what that was about.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And I was like nothing, because everything in me usually just wants to shut it down.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: And the response was I can't help if I don't know what's going on.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: And so I just expressed that I didn't want to wait a week and the response was just like okay, well, we'll figure something out.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And it's so easy, it's so easy, it's so simple to be there for somebody.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: But you have to open up and express yourself.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And I think when we come from a place of trauma or when we've been gaslit or we've been told we're so emotional or we're so sensitive, we become very guarded about our emotions.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with being emotional, there's nothing wrong with opening up.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: And that's not to say that now that I have that foundation, or that knowing that we'll be doing something sooner, that I'm not sitting here on a Saturday night looking at my phone, thinking like feeling a little anxious of like well, you can come over after work tonight, kind of thing, like of course that's going to come up because my pattern is being anxious.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: But I also through time, and this is where I actually appreciate the slowness.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I say that now, but there's a part of me that's super anxious about the slowness, where I'm like, oh my gosh, like if you don't pick me now, you just don't pick me, or I need to know.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I need to know that you are choosing me above everything else and all these things come into play.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: But there's also a safety in the stability and the slow growth.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And you know, when you're in a relationship where you're love bombing or it's so intense and you have no space and you're seeing each other, you go from just like meeting to seeing each other for five days a week.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, you're going to get to know that person.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: But the slow growth I've come to really appreciate, like really getting to know somebody, how they show up, what their facial expressions mean, like different moods, different changes, what they like.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: You know it's like it is actually a beautiful process and it's also challenging, because it's not something that I'm personally used to.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Again that that anxious side of me comes out a lot, especially with texting.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: It's just this like instant gratification thing that we got from, like this hit that we get from setting a message and receiving it back and he's the worst texter.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I've said it from the beginning, he's the worst texter.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: And of course I think as women, sometimes when we become intimate with somebody, when we have sex with somebody, our feelings kind of grow a little bit.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: And I remember like after that first time, the next day I didn't like hear from him like consistently, and I went into full panic mode.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, he changed his mind.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: He doesn't like me.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: And then I really had to sit and think about it.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: It was like actually nothing's changed, the communication style hasn't changed.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And it was this, really this reframe of being like, okay, I don't need the hit, I don't need the instant gratification, like the phone calls and the in-person quality time, like actually big picture means more than a hit of text messaging.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Does that mean I still don't want text messages?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Of course, that's just.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: You know who I am and what I like.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: But I think this, like slow growth, has allowed me to witness my patterns, my pain, my trauma in a really beautiful way and like the book Radical Forgiveness talks about, you know, our souls came to do this work together.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: This was a contract before we came into these physical bodies, and to be able to recognize that and to take this as an opportunity for growth.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I've been in relationships and situations before where all these things were activated and what I think is the difference in this for me than maybe another past relationship or situation is that when I feel anxious and I express that, it's not met with dismissive, it's not met with changing the subject, it's not met with gaslighting.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, I hear you, you're valid, there's a conversation, there's communication and that's what has really shown me that this can be something, a space to like really heal, and that's something that's so new to me.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I am not used to it.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And of course, again, there's aspects of self-sabotage where it's like okay, this is safe, this is where I latch on to that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It's not going fast enough for me and I need all the things like right now, leo mood and Leo rising right.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: So there's been a lot of like, self-reflection of like who I am and how I show up.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I would say that I was a recovering people pleaser, but of lately, I've really realized like no, I am a people pleaser.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: That's still part of who I am and I'm learning to set boundaries and also justaser.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: That's still part of who I am and I'm learning to set boundaries and also just accepting that that's a part of who I am, because when I show up in a relationship I show up big, like I give a lot, and I think that's also why I don't necessarily let that many people in Like yes, I've dated for a couple months here and there, but anything like sustainable, or when I feel this way about somebody has only been like two people in the last seven years, cause I give, I give a lot, I show up in big ways and I give a lot and it feels good.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm aware of that and I'm aware of my people pleasing patterns and tendencies and I accept it.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'm moving through it.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I'm working to set boundaries but honestly sometimes I don't even know what boundaries to set.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I have to really tune into my body and listen to what feels good, what doesn't feel good.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Use that contrast and that's where law of attraction Abraham Hicks talks about that a lot that contrast right.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: When we're in disharmony with ourselves, we're not in alignment with our soul or inner being, our essence.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: We can feel that and that's what emotions are and that's why it's so important to be in tune with your emotions.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: You know we're human beings, we're here to have an emotional experience, and I can't remember right now the name of the book oh, it was Dolores Cannon but she was saying that earth in itself, like the vibration, the emotional experience that we have here, is only felt on earth.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: And that's part of the reason why we incarnate into human beings on earth is to have these experiences.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: And yet we come here and it's challenging and we choose to suffer, and because our senses take over and we forget the truth of consciousness, of reality, of divine, of whatever, and we get sucked into this and then we hate it, we want it to change right, we numb it with alcohol, with drugs, with whatever, so that we don't feel it.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But really our emotions are huge and they're important and they're guiding us, they're showing us contrast, they're showing us what works, they're showing us when we're far away from our soul and we're coming close to our soul and how can we connect that more along the way.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And I think you know, when you're healing from trauma or you're coming from this place, it can be really confusing and I think that's why I want to normalize it and why I want to talk about it more, because that's been my journey and my path and you know I'll be going along great and I'm feeling stable and emotionally neutral, and then I'm just like launched into it.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, when we're in an emotional experience, we're not remembering something from the past Like our mind is, but our emotional experience has physically brought us back to that place.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: So it's not in the past that we're experiencing it.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: We're experiencing it now, fully now, and that's why sometimes it's really hard to let go of an emotional experience.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: But how can we move through it?
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: How can we come back to ourselves?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: How can we accept it and acknowledge it and forgive and all these pieces that go along?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: And finding something, someone that is secure and stable and makes you feel safe, and all those things, is so important and is something that I never really had before, and so it's new and it's different and it's scary and it's all the things.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: And it's also a beautiful journey, just in those little moments of you know like, okay, we'll figure it out.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: You know those little moments of you know like, okay, we'll figure it out.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: You know those little moments which seem insignificant or little but really are big.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: It's just really yeah, it's just a really beautiful journey.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: And facing myself, because it's a mirror in all the sense of the words, facing myself and understanding someone else.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And that's where I think modalities like human design astrology really, really help, are helpful because, I'll be honest, if I didn't know these modalities with a reflector, like I don't know, I would be like you're crazy, I'm out.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Um, probably not.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: But the tools of understanding what a reflector is, the tools of understanding a Capricorn moon or a Pisces rising or needing to flow rather than being in structure, and all these things and understanding myself on that level is so helpful and understand the dynamics of two people.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: And yeah, it's so beautiful, it really is a beautiful journey and I think that it's been a lot of lows over the past few months and there have been moments where my mind has just won I guess you could say won and that's where tools like, you know, podcasts and books and all the things TBM, meditation, breath work, you know all come into play, where I can come back to myself and remind myself of, like, what truly matters and connect with my soul and move from there, because we are manifesting from our emotions.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: We truly are right Like, how are you feeling now?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: A lot of these.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I think, regardless of what type of manifestation work you're doing.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: There's some sort of subconscious work in there and there's some sort of feeling work, because our emotions, our emotional state, our vibration is what is going to call in the thing that we are calling it right.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: If I want money but I'm experiencing lack emotional lack, mental lack, whatever it is I cannot call those things in.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: If I want love, but I'm experiencing resentment, I'm experiencing frustration, I'm experiencing sadness, grief, like I can't fully open myself to those things and they're painful in their own way.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: You know, like opening yourself up to love and just being like all right, fully, I'm in right.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Like let's do this.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Like yes, of course there's a chance that you're going to get hurt, but there's also chance that you're going to get hurt, but there's also so much beauty in the process too, and that's what we're here for.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: That's what we're here for.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I was having a conversation about emotions and I think somebody asked me like would you change the way that you experience emotions?
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: And when I'm in a low, sometimes I'm just like I am done.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want to feel this way anymore, like I do.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I need to get on medication to like stop feeling this intensely, because emotions are like huge for me and my experience and at the same time, I don't know what it would feel like to see a beautiful sunset and not want to cry, or to get in bed and just feel complete peace and ease, or to have somebody hold my hand and just feel the absolute magic in that small gesture, like I don't know what it would be like to move through life and not experience it in that way.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: And so, as challenging as it is, as hard as it is, as it can be, I'm also incredibly grateful and in awe of the emotional experience and the emotional capacity that we have as humans.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You know, I mean, if you're experiencing grief, it just means that you loved so deeply and yes, of course, there's so much pain within that and it again also means there was so much love there too.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I just wanted to come and since I did skip a week, just sort of update, little life update's been my journey and it was pretty much centered around that.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: You know, the podcast for me was a place to use my voice, to heal that part of myself, to connect with people, to provide tools and support for whatever you're going through Like.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I truly believe if you are moving through something.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: You could probably type in the word search and you'll find some episode that will support you in that.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just like shifting it a little bit in the way that I'm showing up here and on social media and yeah, I'm still figuring it out, but I had a download to over my break for the program Empower and this is a nine week program where we're going to deep dive into your chart, to get you fully intimate with your chart, to remember your beauty, your magic, your power, like beginning that deconditioning process.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: No matter where you are in the journey.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: We're going to be looking at the signs, the planets, the gates that they're in, how it relates in human design, how it shows up for you.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: You know like what.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: What does Venus mean?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: How are your values and morals showing up through the gate that it's in and how is that connected?
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And it's in and how is that connected?
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: And it's going to be such a beautiful program.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: It starts August 1st.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I will have a link.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I'm still working on the backend stuff, so hopefully that'll be ready by Thursday by the time I post this so you can click the link.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Join.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: If not, dm me on Instagram.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Send me an email.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Either way.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I will send you the link as soon as it is ready, but August 1st it's going to be two 22 for the nine weeks.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: There are tiers you can do, painful payment plan and then private coaching.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: So if you want to move through the program, have one-on-one access to me and have two sessions during this program.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: That is also an option, so you can reach out to me for that as well.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: And mastery Monday newsletter goes out every single Monday Transit update, energetic update, energy check, all the things.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Those are primarily the two ways that I am funneling my energy right now Instagram as well at Rochelle Christian website, rochellechristiancom, switching over platforms, so it might be a little bit not functional right now, but the base of the information is there so you can head over there, check it out, share this podcast with a friend If it resonates, if you love it, if you want to support it.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Um, sub stack as well.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I am on sub stack and I just do a little bit more in-depth posts on uh, transits and, you know, full moon, new moon and sort of anything.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Moving through.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Getting back into the swing of things, I'm letting my energy sort of rest and recharge.