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I had the best-timed tarot reading EVER last night · The Naked Room

0:00
SPEAKER_00: What's up, roomies?
0:03
SPEAKER_00: I am sitting here on November 1st after being out of town for the last week.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: We got back home Friday night and we went to a friend's Halloween party last night
0:16
SPEAKER_00: that was incredibly lovely.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: I was so tired yesterday and feeling like I didn't want to do much of anything.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: We hadn't really prepared Halloween costumes, but we figured something out kind of last minute.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: I recycled my League of Their Own costume and Curtis went as Rosie the Riveter.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Just a couple of 1940s feminists over here.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: And I am really happy that we ended up going out because
0:51
SPEAKER_00: spent the last week,
0:52
SPEAKER_00: we went up to Mammoth and Truckee in Northern California.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: I had not been to either one.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: I hadn't seen Lake Tahoe yet.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: And
1:04
SPEAKER_00: the whole point of going and doing these things is to get out of town,
1:09
SPEAKER_00: to reset,
1:10
SPEAKER_00: to give our dog a vacation and to go to the mountains and breathe clean air.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: And I always glorify this idea of getting out of town and being in a new place.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: We always rent Airbnbs because we also have an Airbnb cabin back in Virginia where I'm from.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like research for us to go and stay in other cabins and kind
1:33
SPEAKER_00: of see how other people are running their businesses and their properties
1:38
SPEAKER_00: and just maybe there's something that we could do with ours.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: And so I get so excited leading up to it and I always end up having a great time
1:48
SPEAKER_00: and enjoying myself.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: But there's this piece of me, this part of my personality that
1:57
SPEAKER_00: That has this underlying anxiety and urgency.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: And it's also this influence,
2:06
SPEAKER_00: this societal influence of feeling like we have to achieve things all the time.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: And it really hits my Capricorn Rising.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: The inner CEO, if you will.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: Just right in the face.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: And so I had a realization that like every time I go out of town,
2:31
SPEAKER_00: I am physically moving my body out of my home and my space and my city.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: But my ego doesn't really know how to take a break very well or take a hint
2:43
SPEAKER_00: that we're on vacation.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: And I was in this beautiful paradise near Donner Lake and We had hiked on part of
2:56
SPEAKER_00: the Pacific Crest Trail.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: We did like five miles with Zula on the Pacific Crest Trail a couple days prior to coming back.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: It was a beautiful sunny day.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: It was in the 50s outside and I didn't bring my phone.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: I usually don't bring my phone when I do things like that.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: Curtis had his and he was keeping track of the trail because it can be
3:16
SPEAKER_00: a little confusing sometimes.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: And while I was out there,
3:21
SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was very present and I was excited and I had a moment
3:25
SPEAKER_00: where I was like, oh my god, I really want to hike the whole PCT.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, yeah, but you like sleeping in a bed, Kelly.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: I've come to terms with the fact that
3:39
SPEAKER_00: my inner nature lover,
3:42
SPEAKER_00: my inner free spirit is free-spirited to a point of I want to sleep inside a house.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: I used to try to deny that side of myself.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: I used to want to be more of a hippie when I was in my 20s.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm loving the 60s and feeling like there's this connection to it.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: And I want to do the cross-country road trip and be in the VW bus and all of that.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: But I don't I don't deny that part of myself anymore,
4:19
SPEAKER_00: but I do still have these fantasies of just saying fuck it
4:25
SPEAKER_00: and doing this massive thing that I never really thought through all the way
4:35
SPEAKER_00: because you wouldn't really understand until you start doing it, of course.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: But we came across a couple while we were on the trail that
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Had hiked 15 miles, 15,000, no, 1,500.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: Numbers are not my strong suit today, but 1,500 miles.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: They started in Canada in mid-August and we passed by them and the man was like,
5:00
SPEAKER_00: yeah, we have like two days left and we've been going since mid-August.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, holy shit, that's insane.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: And it was funny because he talked,
5:08
SPEAKER_00: but the woman who he was with looked like she hadn't seen humans other
5:13
SPEAKER_00: than her partner.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: In 1500 miles, she looked like shell-shocked to be talking to other humans.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: And part of me wanted to be like, blink twice if you need help.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: But I did not get a sense that there was anything off about him.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: But either way,
5:31
SPEAKER_00: I was like,
5:31
SPEAKER_00: maybe I would be that shell-shocked looking woman if I tried to do 1500 miles.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I...
5:46
SPEAKER_00: I was able to take some deep breaths and be present on that hike,
5:50
SPEAKER_00: but then I sat down the next day.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: It was a little overcast, and I had set expectations.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: I brought my recording equipment.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: I set expectations.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm in this really cute A-frame.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: There's great natural light.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to go and record something,
6:07
SPEAKER_00: and I had an idea in my head for what I wanted to record,
6:11
SPEAKER_00: and I sat down and recorded it,
6:14
SPEAKER_00: and then when I Looked back at it and went to edit it and listened to it.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: I fucking hated it.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: There were a few pieces at the beginning that were fine.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: But I was like, this is coming from a place of urgency and
6:36
SPEAKER_00: scarcity.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: Feeling like I must put something out there to stay relevant.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: I must continue to make...
6:47
SPEAKER_00: Content, make art, whatever we want to call it, to stay consistent.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: Because in the next few weeks, I have all guest episodes coming up.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: So I've been doing a lot of solos in the last month or so, two months.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: And I've been kind of layering in guest episodes.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: But I was like, oh my gosh, my voice is going to be lost forever.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: I love having the guest episodes and I want to tell other women's stories so much.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: But I also think it's important for you all to know who I am
7:28
SPEAKER_00: and what my bigger purpose is and what I stand for.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: And I want you all to know my thoughts and my views on things as well
7:39
SPEAKER_00: and my perspective and Because then that allows you to trust the host.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: That's really important.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: And so I was forcing something.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: And I realized that I can't do that.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: There has to be a balance between staying consistent
8:06
SPEAKER_00: and putting something out regularly and But also doing it authentically and doing it
8:12
SPEAKER_00: in a way that feels like it aligns with my North Star and my higher purpose.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: And putting something of value out is incredibly important to me as well.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Something researched, something very thoughtful.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: Not just putting something out because I feel like I have to or I need to.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: And so this
8:39
SPEAKER_00: Sunday reflection
8:42
SPEAKER_00: is to acknowledge the fact that I contend with ego
8:47
SPEAKER_00: at times and I contend with self-doubt and being very hard on myself
8:58
SPEAKER_00: and things that
8:59
SPEAKER_00: a lot of people don't want to talk about because they feel like it's a weakness
9:03
SPEAKER_00: or they feel like Being vulnerable is too scary.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: But being vulnerable is one of the most powerful things that you can do.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: It's one of the most confident things that you can do.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: Because it shows that you're comfortable being able to open up.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: And so when we were coming back on Friday...
9:30
SPEAKER_00: I felt something kind of ease as I'm coming back home to my space and knowing
9:38
SPEAKER_00: that I'm in this environment in LA where I'm surrounded by this energy
9:43
SPEAKER_00: of other creatives.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting because like I was saying,
9:49
SPEAKER_00: being in the woods,
9:49
SPEAKER_00: being in nature is incredibly healing and incredibly important to me.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: But being in my home space is also something that I realize I need very deeply.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: And I had that realization this week.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: And so we had a nine hour drive basically back home with a couple of stops.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: And Curtis and I were both exhausted yesterday.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: And I think I said this earlier, we were like, oh gosh, we just want to like be home.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: But we ended up We were not going to miss our friend's party.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: She always throws the best parties and it's Halloween and of course we're going
10:28
SPEAKER_00: to go and do something.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: And we ended up going around 6.30 or so.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Other people started trickling in and then I found out that there are going
10:45
SPEAKER_00: to be some tarot card readings.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: And I've been so excited.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: I have my own tarot deck and And I will pull a card almost every single day.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: And I have been really wanting to find somebody who can do a reading for me.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: There's like so many of them here,
11:06
SPEAKER_00: but it's more about it just like aligning and kind of being one of those things
11:10
SPEAKER_00: that happens organically or a recommendation from a friend.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: And so the two people who are doing the readings, I actually know.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up getting two different readings.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: The first reading was a little bit more straightforward with past, present, future.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: It was essentially saying it's been a long road with what I've been building and developing.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: And then we're coming into this season, winter season season.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Where my focus needs to be on resting, like really resting.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: And I was like,
11:49
SPEAKER_00: oh my God, this is going back to how I feel when I'm like, I need to go out of town.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: I need to go to nature.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: I need to be away from everything because I'm like trying to run away
12:02
SPEAKER_00: from my own mind and escape.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: And I realized that I'm the only one who has the key to be able to To relax and
12:14
SPEAKER_00: to reset my nervous system and regulate my body and mind.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: I have all the tools that I need to be able to do that.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: I meditate.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: I rewrite my neural pathways through meditation or through self-hypnosis.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: And actually in the last 30 days or so since my birthday,
12:35
SPEAKER_00: since October 3rd to yesterday,
12:37
SPEAKER_00: and my full intention is to continue,
12:40
SPEAKER_00: I have not missed a day with my self-hypnosis practice.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: And I have noticed a massive difference.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: And my husband has also noticed a massive difference.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: I've been working a lot on my relationship with money and reducing the amount
12:56
SPEAKER_00: of scarcity and limiting beliefs that I have and understanding why I interact
13:03
SPEAKER_00: with money in the way that I do.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: And I have felt a calming effect happen with the way that I'm thinking about money
13:14
SPEAKER_00: and the way that I am looking at it and interacting with it in the last couple
13:20
SPEAKER_00: of weeks since I started doing this one in particular hypnosis.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, that tarot card reading was like, you need to rest, like really calm your mind.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: She almost like Called me out without realizing she was calling me out because
13:36
SPEAKER_00: of what the card said.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: It was like,
13:43
SPEAKER_00: if you don't force yourself to get into this headspace of resting,
13:47
SPEAKER_00: you're still trying to do so many things, even when you're quote unquote resting.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of us do that.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: It's very, very challenging to have a do nothing day, for instance.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: And if that's hard for you,
14:00
SPEAKER_00: please don't be hard on yourself because you're wired and To think
14:04
SPEAKER_00: that there's something wrong with that.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: We all are wired to feel like if we aren't achieving something at all times,
14:11
SPEAKER_00: then we're not doing enough.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: But it was the second tarot card reading that really,
14:21
SPEAKER_00: it blew my mind, but also did not surprise me.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Because as we know, two things can be true at once.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of grays.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: It's not all black and white thinking.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: I was like, holy shit, I can't believe that she just pulled this spread right now.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: But also, this is exactly what my inner voice keeps telling me over and over and over again.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: Every time I do a meditation, I keep getting almost the same download every time.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: The reading was essentially, you are following your life's path right now.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: You are doing exactly what you're meant to be doing.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: And your inner world is also benefiting your outer world.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: So all of the work that you're doing internally is flowing out into the world
15:06
SPEAKER_00: and helping other people.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: And again,
15:11
SPEAKER_00: back to this conversation about my relationship with money,
15:14
SPEAKER_00: the next card was about how I'm going to continue to be supported monetarily,
15:20
SPEAKER_00: financially.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: And I will be super transparent with you.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: I've been doing this podcast and Essentially,
15:29
SPEAKER_00: almost a full-time job's worth of a podcast for over a year.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: And it has not been financially fruitful, which is true for most people doing podcasts.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And it's done a number on my ego.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: There have been times where I feel like I am not valued
15:49
SPEAKER_00: or what I'm doing isn't valuable because I'm not seeing monetary gain from it.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: I have had abundance in my life in ways that I was not expecting.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: It hasn't been through my earning it.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: It's been because it's come as a gift or I did have a part-time job for a couple
16:21
SPEAKER_00: of months where I was working with an estate, but That was only a couple of months.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: And so it's done a number on my head.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: But the card was basically like, you're going to continue to be supported.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: And the last card was about the emotional connection to how that money and
16:49
SPEAKER_00: that support has been coming to fruition.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: And it was like, you are having emotional strife with what is happening.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Like the way that this is all manifesting.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: And that's something that you can work through and you can figure out how to make peace with.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: And so all these pieces kind of fit together in this really beautiful way.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: And I had been kind of investigating this.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: This a little bit just because of the things that my inner voice was telling me
17:28
SPEAKER_00: during my hypnosis and meditations because I've known this.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: My instinct and my
17:38
SPEAKER_00: gut has been telling me these things for a long time.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: You need to take the pressure off yourself because you have worked your ass off for
17:48
SPEAKER_00: a very long time.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: And just because you're not making money doesn't mean you're not working
17:55
SPEAKER_00: and you're not putting in effort.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't make anything less valuable.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: There's such an emphasis on
18:11
SPEAKER_00: you must make a certain amount of money to be worthy or to be valid.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: And I know that this doesn't affect everybody the way that it affects me,
18:25
SPEAKER_00: but it's really affected me and it's made it hard for me to talk about the fact
18:31
SPEAKER_00: that I'm in a fortunate enough position to be able to be working on
18:38
SPEAKER_00: a creative endeavor.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I spent lots of years in corporate.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: I spent lots of time doing a nine-to-five job.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Which was more than a 9 to 5 job.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was traveling and going to events and doing other things.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: It was a technically fun, cool job on paper, but it wasn't aligning with me anymore.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: But the feeling of
19:10
SPEAKER_00: connecting my value,
19:14
SPEAKER_00: like innate value,
19:17
SPEAKER_00: with What's in my bank account or what money is coming
19:23
SPEAKER_00: into my life
19:27
SPEAKER_00: is not something I can move forward with.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: And if this resonates for you and you understand what I'm saying,
19:41
SPEAKER_00: then I want you to know that you're not the only one who's feeling it or going
19:45
SPEAKER_00: through it.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: And this is why I feel like it's important.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: To be vulnerable and to tell you all that this is something I'm contending with.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: And I just am so grateful that I went and was in community last night and was able
20:07
SPEAKER_00: to uncover that little piece through that reading.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Just feeling so validated and Because it's written in the stars,
20:22
SPEAKER_00: it's written in the cards,
20:23
SPEAKER_00: and someone else was able to say aloud to me what my inner voice has been telling me
20:32
SPEAKER_00: the whole time.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it can't only come from you.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: And...
20:48
SPEAKER_00: It's just a beautiful thing to think through all of these little pieces
20:51
SPEAKER_00: that have been falling into place.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm really putting together like this life puzzle recently.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: It's been through the course of my whole life,
21:01
SPEAKER_00: you know, being able to look back and say, oh my God, now that thing makes sense.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: Now this particular thing I can understand better because I went
21:12
SPEAKER_00: through whatever I did at that moment.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: There's been lots of little things like that lately and I've been looking
21:21
SPEAKER_00: for synchronicities and I've been looking for little signs and
21:28
SPEAKER_00: it's when you're able
21:29
SPEAKER_00: to really start listening to that intuition and being quiet that you're able
21:36
SPEAKER_00: to pick up on those pieces and feel that magic and see what the universe is trying
21:45
SPEAKER_00: to tell you.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: Because she's always trying to communicate.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: You just have to let her in.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's my little contemplation for today.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: Gonna be here on Wednesday with another guest episode.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: I've got three women who I did recordings with over the last handful of weeks.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: All from very different backgrounds,
22:20
SPEAKER_00: all with very different conversations, and I think you all are going to love them.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: There's some really wonderful women who have come into my orbit recently,
22:32
SPEAKER_00: and I am so excited to share their stories with you,
22:37
SPEAKER_00: and
22:39
SPEAKER_00: hope that you all will resonate with their stories and get something out of it
22:45
SPEAKER_00: for yourself.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: All right, I'll see you back here in just a few days.