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Five Patterns Fueling Burnout · Mindful Success Path

0:32
What if I told you that you're not necessarily exhausted because you have too much to do?
0:38
What if you're exhausted because you're taking on responsibility for things that were never yours to carry in the first place?
0:45
Other people's emotions, other people's decisions, other people's problems, and other people's expectations.
0:53
On top of all of that, maybe you've convinced yourself that you're not allowed to experience any pleasure or joy until everything on your to-do list is finished, which, let's be honest, it's never gonna happen.
1:06
You're gonna keep adding more things to that to-do list.
1:09
And then you wonder why you are burned out.
1:14
Now, here's the thing.
1:15
No amount of bubble baths, vacations, mani-pedis, or self-care routines is going to fix the fact that you're constantly giving away your energy managing everybody else's lives and treating your own happiness like something that you have to earn.
1:31
Today, we're gonna talk about five hidden behaviors that contribute to burnout, and I'm willing to bet that at least one of these is something that you're doing without even realizing it.
1:43
And as always, I'm going to do this through the lens of feminine energy Welcome back to my channel.
1:51
I'm Amanda, and here we talk about feminine energy, nervous system regulation, relationships, and creating a life where you don't have to constantly push, chase, or prove yourself.
2:02
If that's something that you're interested in, please make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel.
2:09
Also, make sure to give it a thumbs up and a like because that lets YouTube know to share this with other women who are also dealing with modern-day burnout.
2:20
And I have a free gift for you.
2:22
So if you're new here, then I have a free quiz.
2:25
It's my Divine Feminine Archetypes Quiz, and what you do is you take it, it's three minutes, and it will let you know which of the four feminine archetypes that I teach is most dominant in your life.
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So for example, burnout tends to happen a lot with the awakening warrior archetype that I teach.
2:43
It also tends to happen with the wounded maidens, and the conscious queens and the magnetic empresses just have to be mindful of some of the things that I'm going to be talking about in this video today.
2:53
So if you're curious about which divine feminine archetype is running your life, including your relationships, your money, and everything else, then make sure to go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
3:06
It's three minutes, it's free, and at the end of it, you will have a breakdown of how this archetype is showing up in your life.
3:14
So I was recently reflecting on a conversation, uh, from my husband's business coaching program.
3:20
Many of the women in this community ended up joining my husband's online business training, and we had the first official call last week.
3:29
And one of the things that came up that was really interesting was the topic of burnout.
3:35
A lot of you have already experienced burnout or you're experiencing burnout right now, uh, but there's a fear of going back to burnout.
3:44
So my husband and I did some coaching with the women, uh, in the group, and it was really interesting to see kind of like the patterns and the behaviors that were coming up.
3:55
we tend to think that burnout is exclusively about how much we're doing and how much action we're taking.
4:02
And look, sometimes it absolutely is.
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Sometimes you're like literally doing too much.
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your workload is genuinely unreasonable.
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Sometimes you're not getting enough support.
4:13
Sometimes you're in an environment that expects way too much of you.
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All of this can be true.
4:17
But there is another side of burnout that doesn't get talked about enough, and it's the emotional and mental energy that you're spending trying to control everything around you.
4:30
It's the anxiety that makes you say yes when you want to say no.
4:35
It's the need to fix things for people who are perfectly capable of figuring things out themselves.
4:41
It's the inability to actually be present because your mind is constantly running through everything that might go wrong, and it's the belief that your responsibilities always have to come before your pleasure.
4:54
So what does that look like?
4:55
You can take a vacation and still be doing all of the things that I just mentioned.
5:00
You can have an entire day of doing nothing and still feel utterly depleted and like you didn't actually get any rest.
5:08
And that's what I really wanna talk about today because there's five hidden patterns that women especially tend to fall into that can cause a lot of the burnout that they are experiencing Number one, loose boundaries are exhausting you.
5:25
Now, the first thing contributing to your burnout is having loose boundaries.
5:30
Now, when I say boundaries, I'm not just talking about telling somebody no.
5:34
I'm talking about whether you actually believe that you are allowed to have needs, preferences, and limits that other people might not like.
5:44
Because a lot of women know intellectually that they need boundaries.
5:47
They've read the books, they've watched the videos, they know that they're supposed to protect their peace.
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That's the thing, right?
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I'm protecting my peace.
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Everybody knows that.
5:55
But the moment somebody gets disappointed with them, oof, those boundaries go out the window, girl, and suddenly you're available when you said that you were not going to be, and you're answering messages when you're supposed to be resting, and you're taking on another project when you already know that you simply do not have the capacity.
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You're agreeing to something that doesn't feel good because you don't want somebody to think that you are selfish And then you wonder why you're exhausted.
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Girl, you're exhausted because nobody knows where you end and everybody else begins.
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Now, here's what I want you to understand.
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A boundary isn't about getting somebody else to behave differently.
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It's about deciding what you are available for and honoring that decision.
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You don't need to convince anybody that your boundary is reasonable.
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You don't need to write a five-paragraph essay explaining why you can't do something, and you certainly don't need somebody else's permission to take care of yourself.
6:56
So for example, let's say that you're running a business, right?
6:59
Because this, this did come up in a business training.
7:01
So let's say you're running a business.
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You tell clients that your office hours end at 5:00, but then a client messages you at 8:00 and you immediately feel this anxiety.
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What if they get upset?
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What if they think I'm not providing a good service?
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What if I lose the client?
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What if they ask for their money back?
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And now you're answering messages at 8:00 at night.
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Here's what actually just happened You've taught yourself that your own boundaries are optional whenever somebody else's expectations trigger your anxiety.
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And every time you do that, you're reinforcing the belief that your needs come second, and that's exhausting.
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And this isn't just about business.
7:40
Maybe you're the friend who is always available to listen to everybody else's problems even when you have absolutely nothing left to give.
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Maybe you're the woman who feels obligated to attend every family function even when you desperately need some alone time.
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Maybe you're the person who feels guilty for not immediately responding to every text message.
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And here's what I find really interesting.
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A lot of the women who are, are in these patterns say that they want a slower, more feminine, and more peaceful life, but then they continue making themselves available for everybody and everything.
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And at some point, you have to recognize that the life that you say you want requires you to make different decisions about who and what gets to access your energy.
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Because you can be kind and still be unavailable.
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You can care about somebody and still say no.
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You can be a generous person without giving everybody unlimited access to you, and you can absolutely allow somebody to be disappointed without immediately rushing to change your decision.
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I promise you, you will live if someone else is disappointed in you because your peace requires boundaries that you actually honor, and that's how you actually keep your peace Number two, people pleasing.
9:00
We need to talk about how people pleasing is not the same as being kind, because the second thing contributing to burnout is people pleasing.
9:09
And this one is particularly important because a lot of women confuse people pleasing with feminine energy.
9:15
So they mistakenly think that being feminine means being agreeable, being easygoing, being pleasant, never making anybody uncomfortable, never expressing anger, never saying something that might upset somebody else.
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But that's not feminine energy.
9:31
That is self-abandonment dressed up as being nice.
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So let me explain When you're people pleasing, you're constantly monitoring other people's emotional states.
9:43
You're trying to figure out what they want from you, you're anticipating how they're going to respond, and you're editing yourself in real time so that nobody gets disappointed.
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And you're trying to become whatever version of yourself will make that situation go smoothly, and that takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
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Think about how exhausting it is to be constantly asking yourself,"Are they upset with me?
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did they say the wrong thing?
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Was it me?
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Was it them?
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Is it my fault?
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Should I have responded differently?
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What can I do to make them happy?" It's like having 50 tabs open in your brain all freaking day long, and none of them are actually about what you want.
10:23
Now, here's the deeper issue.
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A lot of people pleasing comes from learning that connection or approval depends on keeping other people happy.
10:32
So now when nobody is asking you to sacrifice yourself, you do it automatically because disappointing somebody feels threatening to your system And your nervous system can respond to that perceived threat with anxiety, with guilt, or an urgent need to fix the solution.
10:51
But here's the thing, disappointment is not an emergency.
10:55
Someone can be disappointed in you, and you can still be a good person.
10:58
Someone can disagree with you, and you can still be worthy of love.
11:01
Someone can dislike your decision, and you can still trust yourself.
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And this is where feminine confidence becomes so important because a secure woman doesn't need everybody to agree with her in order to feel safe being herself.
11:15
She's able to be loving without abandoning herself.
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She's loving to herself.
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She's able to be compassionate without becoming responsible for everybody else's emotional experience, and she's able to tolerate the discomfort of somebody not liking her decision.
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And this came up on that coaching call because, um, I started coaching some of these women, and I was like,"Listen," right?
11:41
"When you start putting boundaries in for the first time, when you start putting yourself first for the first time, it's gonna be uncomfortable as hell.
11:47
You are going to have to learn how to deal with the discomfort of somebody else being potentially disappointed in you, and you're gonna have to repeat it over, and over, and over, and over again, and you're gonna have to learn to tolerate anxiety that comes with the fear of disappointing somebody else.
12:02
But over time, like, you're just not going to feel it as much anymore, and you're going to feel like you're filling your cup more rather than abandoning yourself for everybody else," which is a part of what causes so much burnout and exhaustion in women And I'm not saying this happens overnight.
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If you've spent decades people pleasing, it's going to take practice.
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So maybe start with something small.
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The next time somebody asks you for something, instead of immediately saying yes and derailing your whole day, give yourself a moment.
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Ask yourself, do I actually want to do this?
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Do I have the capacity?
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Am I saying yes out of genuine desire or because I'm afraid of what will happen if I say no?
12:43
Because those are two very different energies.
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One is coming from genuine generosity, and the other is coming from fear.
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And when you're constantly operating from fear, it's very difficult to feel relaxed in your body because you're always anticipating the next thing you need to do to make somebody else happy.
13:01
That's not peace, and it's certainly not the feminine energy that you're trying to cultivate.
13:07
I did a short a few months ago where it said that I'm simultaneously in my most feminine and my most, most ruthless era, and you would think that the two don't go together because a lot of people have been taught that feminine energy is being a doormat, and it's not.
13:22
But I've had to become ruthless with the people-pleasing.
13:25
I've had to become ruthless with the boundaries.
13:27
I don't make decisions...
13:29
You know, like for example, just this month we got invited to a bunch of events and family things that would've required travel, and then some other things going on in our community, and I'm like,"Do I, do I really have the capacity for this?" Like, I had to actually think about it.
13:42
Like, do I really have the capacity for this?
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And if I was being honest, the answer was no, that I don't, and I didn't have the genuine desire either.
13:52
So I've had to learn that other people might be potentially disappointed, but that I'm gonna live.
13:58
Number three, you wanna learn how to stop treating capable adults like they're incapable.
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So the third thing contributing to burnout might be the most uncomfortable one.
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You're treating other adults as though they're, they are incapable of handling their own lives.
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And I know that this sounds really harsh, but stay with me.
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A lot of women are exhausted because they're constantly stepping in to rescue other people.
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They're reminding everybody of everything.
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They're solving problems nobody asked them to solve.
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They're managing other people's responsibilities.
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They're doing things themselves because they don't trust anybody else to get them done correctly, and then they complain that they have to do everything.
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But here's the question I want you to sit with.
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Are you actually being required to do everything, or have you made yourself responsible for everything?
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Because those are two very different things.
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Now let's look at relationships as an example.
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You say that you want a masculine man who takes initiative.
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You want a man who can lead, provide, and handle situations without needing you to direct every little thing But then you're managing his calendar, you're reminding him about his appointments, researching opportunities for him, giving him detailed instructions for things he's perfectly capable of figuring out, rescuing and jumping in and googling solutions to problems when he doesn't figure it out fast enough, and making sure that he never has to deal with the consequences of his own decisions.
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And then you wonder why you feel more like his mother than his partner.
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Well, the problem is that you've taken on the parental role, and you cannot consistently relate to someone as if they're helpless and then expect to feel like you're in a partnership between two capable adults.
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Now, obviously, there's a difference between supporting someone through a genuinely difficult situation, which will happen in long-term partnerships because life is life, and chronically rescuing somebody from responsibilities that they can handle.
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I'm talking about the second situation, and this doesn't just happen in romantic relationships either.
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It happens in business, it happens with friends, it happens with family members.
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It happens when you become the person that everybody comes to because they know that you will drop everything and figure it out for them.
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And I want you to consider something.
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What if always helping isn't actually helping the other person?
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What if part of your desire to step in comes from your own discomfort with watching somebody else struggle?
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And what if you intervene because you just don't trust that other people are going to figure it out?
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Or the other thing is that you simply don't trust yourself to tolerate the uncertainty of letting someone else figure something out.
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And this is where this becomes an inner practice, because allowing people to be capable adults requires you to release control.
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And releasing control can feel really uncomfortable when you have built your entire sense of safety around being the person who handles everything.
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But I want you to remember this: you can believe in somebody's potential without taking responsibility for fulfilling it.
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You can love somebody without managing them.
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I don't manage my husband, I don't want to manage my husband.
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Maybe sometimes I'll fall back into some bad patterns, but I try and catch it as soon as I can and lean back.
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And you can support somebody without rescuing them, and you can allow people to experience the consequences of their own decisions without making those consequences your problem.
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Now, I also wanna make a really important distinction here.
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If you are in a relationship where your partner genuinely refuses to contribute, repeatedly breaks agreements, or leaves you carrying all the responsibilities, the answer isn't to just simply stop managing and hope he changes.
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Sometimes the answer is to recognize that the, this person isn't showing up as a partner that you desire, and that's where discernment comes in Because feminine energy is not about tolerating irresponsibility.
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It's about creating space for somebody to show you who they actually are, and then making decisions based on what they show you.
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You don't have to manage somebody into becoming the partner that you want.
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You get to observe whether they're actually capable of meeting you there.
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And that brings me to something else.
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A lot of women tell me that they wanna be adored, they wanna be pursued, they want a man who takes initiative and makes them feel cherished.
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But they're so accustomed to doing everything themselves that they don't know how to step back and, and allow another person to contribute.
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So they're exhausted from constantly giving, but receiving also feels really uncomfortable And this is exactly the type of relationship dynamic that we're gonna be addressing inside a new program that I've created called Magnetically Adored.
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Many of you have been asking me for a year to put together a group coaching program, and I have finally done it, darlings.
18:47
So this is my group coaching experience for women who are ready to stop chasing love, stop over-functioning in relationships, and learn how to create space for healthy masculine devotion and commitment without abandoning themselves.
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Because you deserve to experience a relationship where you're not the only one making the effort.
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And here's the kicker.
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You don't have to become less accomplished, less intelligent, or less independent to experience that.
19:15
You get to remain a powerful woman while also allowing yourself to be loved and supported.
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So if that resonates with you, you can learn a lot more about Magnetically Adored through the link in the description below, and I will also put it in the first comment.
19:31
And whether you're in a relationship or not, this is something that I want you to remember.
19:36
Sometimes the most loving thing that you can do is allow another adult to be an adult.
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What a concept.
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And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to stop carrying what was never yours Number four, you're never actually present.
19:53
So the fourth thing contributing to burnout is lack of presence, and I think this is the one that kind of ties everything together because when you have loose boundaries, you're constantly thinking about what other people need.
20:05
When you're people pleasing, you're constantly anticipating how other people might react to you.
20:09
When you're rescuing everybody, you're constantly thinking about problems that aren't even yours to solve.
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So do you see what's happening?
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You're almost never fully where you are.
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You might be physically sitting on the couch, but mentally you're at work.
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You're having dinner with your partner, but you're thinking about the emails that you need to send.
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You're trying to enjoy a day off, but you're already worrying about everything waiting for you on Monday.
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Women do this thing all the time where, like, instead of like, for example, being focused on the thing that's in front of them, they're already thinking about problems that don't exist yet.
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They exist somewhere in the future, but they're not here now, but then they're stressing themselves out with all these problems that don't even exist yet.
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And, and this is one of the ways in which we do it, and I'm laughing because I'm guilty of this as well.
20:54
I am also guilty of thinking of my emails.
20:57
I'm also guilty of putting my to-do list first.
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I've done all of these things, which is why I'm laughing, but I'm now at a stage where at least I'm aware of it, and I make sure to take care of my energy and my emotions, and I do my best to stay present, and I also do my best to do something else which has been life-changing, and I'll get to that one next.
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So stay tuned.
21:17
So basically what's going on here is that your mind is constantly somewhere else, and then you wonder why you never feel rested.
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Because even when you stop doing things, you haven't stopped mentally carrying them.
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Now, I do wanna be clear about something.
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This does not mean that you never think about your future, it doesn't mean that you stop planning, and it certainly doesn't mean that you abandon your responsibilities.
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This is about learning how to distinguish between what actually requires your attention right now and what your mind is trying to make you responsible for in inconvenient or inappropriate moments.
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So let's say you're enjoying a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
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The sun is out, you're having lunch, you're spending time with people you love, and then suddenly your brain starts going,"Oh my God, I forgot about that thing that I need to do on Monday." Now, you could spend the next hour mentally rehearsing everything that you need to do on Monday, or you could acknowledge the thought, write down the reminder, put it in your notes app if necessary, and return to your afternoon.
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That is presence You're not pretending that your responsibilities don't exist, you're just simply not letting them consume every moment of your life.
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And this is where nervous system regulation can be incredibly helpful because when you're accustomed to operating in a constant state of urgency like many of you are, slowing down might actually feel really uncomfortable.
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It was for me.
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I was operating from a constant state of urgency for years, and it was very uncomfortable when I started to change that habit, but very worth it.
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So here's what I want you to notice, right?
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I remember there were moments where I would sit down to relax and then I immediately felt like I should go be doing something or feeling guilty when my to-do list wasn't completely finished.
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I remember feeling anxious when nothing needed my immediate attention.
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There wasn't some problem to go solve.
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And that discomfort can make you reach for your phone, check your email, or find another problem to solve.
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You can make up problems because of this.
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But part of learning to rest is practicing the ability to be in the moment without immediately filling it with another responsibility.
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So here's something that I want you to try The next time you notice yourself immediately mentally spiraling about everything you need to do, come back to your body.
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Feel your feet on the ground.
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Notice your breathing.
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Look around at what's actually happening around you.
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I had to do this this morning because, uh, my parents are coming into town in a couple of days, so we have to, like, prepare the house.
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The house they're staying in, we have to go prepare it.
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Our house helper is out of town, um, for an event, for a quinceañera.
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And then now, like, our, our backup house helpers, like, aren't available either because this is a major time of year in Mexico.
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It's Día de los Muertos season, so, like, everybody's traveling, on vacation.
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There's events.
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There's just all kinds of stuff going on right now where people are all over the place.
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So we have to get, you know, our house ready.
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We have to get the house that they're staying at ready.
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Uh, there's cooking that needs to happen.
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There's, like, airport transportation coordination that needs to happen because my parents, you know, are a bit older, and even though they speak Spanish, which is great, that's gonna save them a whole lot of trouble, um, they're not used to traveling, right?
24:37
So my husband and I are here, like,"Okay, we gotta get everything ready." And on top of that, there's things that I need to do for this YouTube channel.
24:45
There's things that my husband needs to do for work.
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So we were just like,"Oh, my gosh," you know?
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This morning I felt myself, like,"Ah," with all the things that I had to do.
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But I did exactly what I just said.
24:54
I took a moment, I breathed, and I was like,"What's actually going on here, and how can we accommodate certain things or change certain things?" So, um, I was like,"Great.
25:05
Okay, well, I have to film some stuff today, so today I'm not gonna cook," right?
25:08
Today I will put in a grocery order, and I will make sure we get a rotisserie chicken so, like, cooking doesn't need to happen today.
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And then, you know, tomorrow and the day after, then I can do what I need to do to, like, accommodate the houses and things like that, make sure they've got food in their fridge before they get here, um, et cetera, right?
25:28
So even in that moment, something so tiny where I'm just, like, feeling really overwhelmed, in taking a second to just breathe and be like,"What's actually going on here?" I was able to find a solution to delegate and get something off my plate and then also realize that the things that we need to get done really aren't that big of a deal at the end of the day.
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It's just my brain wanting to go make problems where there are no problems.
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So ask yourself, you know, what actually needs my attention right now?
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When I did this, I was like,"Okay, well today what needs my attention is these videos, and I gotta get a grocery order in." Um, I don't have to worry about tomorrow or next week or the day that my parents are coming in.
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I just have to worry about what needs to get done right now, and maybe I have to delegate and adjust a couple of things in order to better support me so I can do what I need to do.
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That's it.
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That's all that needs to happen, right?
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And it's not about what needs to get done tomorrow or next week.
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It's not the imaginary argument you've been rehearsing in your head.
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It's just right now, what is happening right now?
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Because sometimes the answer is that something genuinely needs to get done.
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I have to get these videos done, and I have to put a grocery order in, and there's a couple things I need to do to prepare for my parents' arrival.
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And that's fine.
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But sometimes the answer is nothing.
26:45
Sometimes you are allowed to enjoy your coffee.
26:47
Sometimes you're allowed to go for a walk.
26:49
Sometimes you're allowed to be with the people you love without mentally managing the rest of your life.
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And here's what I want you to understand about this.
26:57
Presence isn't just about reducing stress.
27:01
Presence is also what allows you to actually experience the life that you are creating.
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Because what's the point of building a beautiful life if you're never mentally able to enjoy it?
27:11
That makes no sense.
27:12
it would be pointless And what's the point of having a loving relationship if you're so preoccupied with everything that needs to get done that you can barely enjoy being with your partner?
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And again, easier said than done, okay?
28:25
This is one that I've had to really work on myself.
28:27
And the reality is that you don't have to earn every peaceful moment through productivity, which brings me to the fifth thing, because this is something that I've definitely noticed a lot of the women in this community kinda get caught up in.
28:40
And this one is so important, especially for women who have spent their entire lives being responsible for everybody and everything.
28:47
So let's get to the fifth thing, which is you're treating pleasure like a reward instead of a standard.
28:55
So the fifth thing contributing to your burnout is not having enough pleasure and joy in your everyday life, and I really want you to hear me on this one.
29:04
Pleasure is not something that you have to earn after you've finished all your responsibilities, but that's exactly how so many women are living, myself included, until relatively recently.
29:18
So it sounds like,"I'll relax when I'm done working.
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I'll go on vacation when I've made enough money.
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Um, I'll buy myself something beautiful when I've accomplished the next goal.
29:28
I'll spend time doing something I enjoy when my entire to-do list is finished.
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I'll have fun this weekend, but only if I get everything done during the week." And here's the problem.
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There's always going to be something else to do.
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The to-do list is going to continue getting longer.
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There's always gonna be another email, another bill, another errand, another responsibility, and another thing that needs your attention.
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If you've decided that pleasure can only happen after everything is finished, you've essentially created a life where pleasure is always being postponed, and you're constantly waiting for permission to enjoy yourself, and then the permission never comes.
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Now, where I want to challenge you, perhaps invite you into doing something a little bit different.
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What if pleasure isn't the reward for completing your responsibilities?
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What if pleasure is a part of how you sustain yourself while you are fulfilling them?
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Because I see so many women who have turned their entire lives into one giant obligation.
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They wake up, and immediately they're thinking about everything that they have to do.
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So they rush to breakfast, they rush through getting ready, they rush through errands, they rush through dinner, and then they collapse on the couch at the end of the night completely exhausted.
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And maybe they spend an hour scrolling on their phone because they're too drained to do anything else Then they wake up the next morning, and they do the exact same thing, and then they wonder why life feels so heavy.
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Girl, where is the joy?
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Where is the beauty?
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Where is the pleasure?
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Where is the part of your day that actually feels good to experience?
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Because I think we've normalized a way of living where women are expected to be productive all the time.
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They're expected to act like men while treating their own enjoyment like some kind of luxury.
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And I'm not just talking about taking a vacation or going to the spa.
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I'm talking about everyday pleasure.
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I'm talking about enjoying your morning tea instead of gulping it down while answering emails.
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I'm talking about putting on music you love while you're getting ready.
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I love to put on jazz while I'm cooking.
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I love it.
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I really enjoy it.
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It makes cooking really enjoyable for me.
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I'm talking about wearing clothes that make you feel beautiful even if you don't have some special occasion to attend.
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I'm talking about taking a walk because it feels good to move your body, not because you're trying to burn calories.
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And this is where I am very grateful that we rescued a puppy earlier this year because he forces me to get outside, um, and walk.
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But it's not just because I have to because of the dog, it's also because it feels really good.
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So we will go on family walks, you know.
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My husband and I will hike up and down the mountain in the morning with the dog, and then several times throughout the day, I will go out again to get some sun, to sit in the grass, to play with the dog, and to just get a break and enjoy being outside.
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And then my husband and I will go for a walk again after dinner to just decompress, right?
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And just enjoy the beautiful place where we live with mountains and the lake and the beautiful sky and the wonderful weather that we are experiencing right now.
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That's an everyday pleasure for me, and I'm not do- waiting until the end of the day to do it.
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We do it first thing in the morning, and then I do it again throughout the day because I can and because I enjoy it.
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And as I say, sometimes you just need to put your ass in some grass, okay?
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It can solve a whole lot of problems.
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I'm also talking about making yourself a beautiful meal and actually sitting down to enjoy it.
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I'm talking about dancing in your kitchen, laughing with your friends, spending time in nature, allowing yourself to experience beauty simply because it brings you joy.
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None of these things require you to abandon your responsibilities, and this is where I think a lot of women get confused.
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They hear somebody talking about feminine energy, pleasure, and ease, and they assume that it means you're supposed to stop being productive, stop being ambitious, stop taking care of your responsibilities, and just sit around waiting for somebody else to do everything, and that's not really what I'm talking about.
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I'm talking about changing the way that you experience your responsibilities because there's a difference between doing something from a place of constant pressure and doing something while feeling grounded, present, and connected to yourself So let's say that you need to clean the house.
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One way of approaching it is to spend the entire time feeling like you have to do it.
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You're rushing, you're mentally complaining, you're thinking about everything else that you need to finish.
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You're treating the entire experience like this miserable obligation that you have to get through before you're allowed to enjoy your day, and by the time you've finished, you're exhausted.
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But what if you put music on?
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What if you open the windows?
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What if you allow yourself to enjoy creating a beautiful environment?
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What if you stopped approaching the entire experience like a punishment?
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The responsibility hasn't changed.
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The house still needs to get cleaned, but your relationship with that responsibility has changed.
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Or for example, I recently noticed that if I'm cooking first thing in the morning'cause I'm just trying to get through it, I'm not really enjoying it.
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But if I cook in the late afternoon, it's really grounding and really pleasurable to me because by that time I'm probably feeling a little bit overstimulated from making YouTube videos or being on social media, and then I really get to enjoy the experience of cooking without feeling rushed.
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The cooking still needs to happen, okay?
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But I'm changing my experience of needing to get the task done.
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And the same thing applies to your career, your business, and your everyday routines.
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Maybe you create a beautiful workspace that you actually enjoy spending time in.
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Maybe you take intentional breaks instead of forcing yourself to sit at your desk for hours while your attention is all over the place.
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Maybe you stop scheduling every single minute of your day and allow yourself some breathing room.
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Maybe you approach your responsibilities with more intention instead of constantly operating in emergency mode.
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I could do a whole other video just on that, so make sure to subscribe.
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And here's the interesting part.
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Sometimes when you allow yourself more pleasure, you actually become more efficient.
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Not because pleasure, like, magically makes every task easier, but because you're not constantly depleted, distracted, or resentful.
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So it can be easier to focus on what's actually important.
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So maybe you find yourself making decisions more clearly.
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Maybe you find that you're less likely to procrastinate because you're not dreading every part of your day.
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Maybe you find that you have more patience and creativity because you're not trying to squeeze creativity out of an exhausted body.
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I'll give you an example.
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I've been working on my second book for, like, a couple years now, and, uh, I finished the first draft in the last couple weeks.
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So I decided, you know what?
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Let me start prioritizing pleasure and make sure that that's the stuff that gets done first in my life, and let me see what happens.
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And this thing that's been sitting in my Google Drive for two years, the first draft got done, and it was easy, right?
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But it's because I was filling my cup first.
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Make sure to subscribe to find out when, when the second book is going to drop.
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So that's been my experience with it, where I start putting pleasure first, or I find, like I said, the example of like, oh, I actually enjoy cooking in the late afternoon rather than in the morning when I'm feeling really rushed.
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And here's the other thing that sometimes happens.
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You'll realize that certain things you thought were absolutely necessary don't even need to be done.
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It's my favorite when that happens.
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So you were just doing them out of habit, obligation, or the belief that a good woman is supposed to be busy all the time.
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I'll give the example.
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I'm not cooking today, right?
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So I ordered groceries, and I made sure to order a rotisserie chicken because there's other things that I need to get done, and it's, I, when I'm thinking about it, I'm like,"Do I actually have to cook today?" No, I don't.
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Here's another option And I really want you to challenge the belief that you need to get all the things done, period.
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Because your worth is not measured by how exhausted you are at the end of the day.
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Because being busy is not a personality trait.
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Being overwhelmed is not proof that you're important And suffering through your responsibilities doesn't make you more deserving of the things that you desire.
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Now, I also don't want you to turn pleasure into another productivity tool.
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Please, let's be mindful of that because I know how some of you are, and you're gonna hear me say that pleasure can help you become more efficient, and suddenly you're going to start scheduling pleasure because you think it's going to make you more productive, and then you're going to get upset with yourself when you don't feel more productive afterward.
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Girl, that is...
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That's missing the point, okay?
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You are allowed to experience pleasure simply because you're alive, because it feels good, because you enjoy it, because life is not meant to be one endless list of things that you need to accomplish, and this is something I really want women to understand about feminine energy.
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The feminine is deeply connected to the senses She's connected to beauty, to enjoyment, to presence, to being able to experience life rather than constantly trying to manage it.
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And when you're disconnected from those parts of yourself, it's very easy to fall into the pattern of doing, achieving, controlling, and performing.
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And there's nothing wrong with taking action, there's nothing wrong with ambition, there's nothing wrong with discipline.
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We need those things.
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But when your entire life revolves around responsibility with no room for enjoyment, then something is obviously very out of balance.
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So I want you to ask yourself a question.
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When was the last time that you did something simply because you enjoyed it?
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Not because it was productive, not because it was gonna help you make money, not because somebody else wanted you to do it, not because all, all these requests came in from other people, not because it was going to help you reach your goal, just because it brought you joy.
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And if you're having a hard time answering that question, then that is something worth paying attention to because pleasure should not be the exception in your life Pleasure should be a part of how you live.
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Now I wanna bring all five of these together because at first glance, it might not look like they have much to do with each other and like they're different behaviors, but they often have one very important thing in common, control.
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So when you struggle with boundaries, you might be trying to control whether or not people get upset with you.
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When you people please, you might be trying to control how people perceive you.
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When you rescue other adults, you might be trying to control outcomes so that nothing goes wrong.
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And when you're never present, your mind might be trying to control a future that hasn't even happened yet.
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And then when you postpone pleasure until everything is finished, you're essentially telling yourself that you can't relax or enjoy life until everything is under control.
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Do you see the pattern?
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Your entire life has become organized around trying to prevent something from going wrong.
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And what I find so interesting is that a lot of the women doing these things are the same women who tell me that they wanna be more in their feminine energy They wanna feel softer.
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They wanna feel more relaxed.
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They wanna be supported.
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They want to experience more ease.
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They wanna feel more magnetic, but they've built an entire identity around being the person who handles everything, the person who never disappoints anybody, the person who never needs help, the person who always has a solution, and the person who is never allowed to stop.
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And then they wonder why receiving feels so difficult.
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Because receiving requires a certain amount of openness.
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It requires you to allow something to happen without micromanaging every step, and it requires you to trust that other people can contribute, and it requires you to recognize that your value isn't determined by how useful you are to everybody else.
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And sometimes it just requires you to sit with the discomfort of not being in control.
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Surrender isn't weakness, it's trust, and that doesn't mean becoming more passive.
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It doesn't mean ignoring your responsibilities And it doesn't mean allowing other people to disrespect your boundaries.
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It means recognizing the difference between taking responsibility for your own life and trying to take responsibility for everybody else's.
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One is empowering, the other can become exhausting, and I want to make another distinction.
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You don't need to become completely different woman to experience more ease.
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You don't need to give up your ambition or abandon a business.
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You don't need to stop being a responsible adult.
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You just need to start examining the ways that you've confused being responsible with being in control of everything, because those are not the same thing, my love.
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And you can be incredibly capable, accomplished woman, while also having boundaries, receiving support, enjoying your life, and allowing yourself to rest.
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Those things are not mutually exclusive So let's go into how to start breaking the cycle.
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if you are recognizing yourself in this video, I don't want you to turn this into another list of things that you need to do perfectly, because that would defeat the entire purpose.
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I mean, like, this whole video would've been absolutely pointless if that's what you took from this.
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Instead, I want you to start paying attention to where your energy is going.
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When you notice yourself feeling resentful, ask yourself whether you've agreed to something that you actually didn't wanna do.
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When you notice yourself feeling anxious about disappointing somebody, ask yourself whether you're confusing their approval with your own safety.
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When you notice yourself trying to fix somebody else's problem, ask yourself whether this person is actually asking for support or whether you're automatically taking over.
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And when you notice that you can't relax, ask yourself whether there's something that genuinely needs your attention or whether you've gotten used to living in a constant state of urgency.
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And when you notice that your life has become nothing but responsibilities, ask yourself where you can begin bringing pleasure back into your everyday experience.
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Not next month, not when you hit your next financial milestone, not when you lose the next 10 pounds, now And if you're listening to this and recognizing just how much of your life has been organized around control, over-functioning, and constantly trying to make things happen, I want you to invite you to something really special.
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So on December 5th and 6th, I'm gonna be hosting the Magnetic Manifestation Portal, a live two-day experience where we're going to explore what it looks like to create from feminine energy instead of constantly trying to force everything into existence.
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Because here's what I've learned.
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A lot of women say that they want to manifest more abundance, more love, more prosperity, more opportunities, but they're still approaching everything from the same patterns of fear, pressure, and control that have been exhausting them.
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They believe they have to work harder, do more, figure everything out, control every outcome And I get it because that was me.
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I too once believed that once I had done enough, then I'd finally be allowed to relax and receive, until I realized I had everything backwards.
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I realized that a part of becoming magnetic was learning how to feel safe releasing control.
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And when I learned how to release control, I manifested my husband in four months, I manifested a move abroad in a year, I've manifested this new business, which is one of the fastest-growing and most fun projects I've ever done in my 15 years of coaching women.
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Uh, we manifested land that we're going to build on.
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Like, things just work when I am no longer in constant control.
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So what if you could become more available to the things that you desire without constantly sacrificing peace in the process?
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That's what I wanna explore with you inside the Magnetic Manifestation portal.
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We're going to look at the patterns that keep you stuck in overdoing, we're gonna talk about reconnecting with feminine energy and embodiment, and we're gonna explore how to bring more alignment, pleasure, and receptivity into the way that you create your life so that we can release 2026 and start preparing to bring in these manifestations in 2027.
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Because manifestation isn't supposed to become another thing on your to-do list.
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It's not supposed to be another source of pressure.
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And you shouldn't have to abandon yourself in pursuit of everything that you desire.
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So if you're feeling called to join us, many of you have sent emails about it, some of you have already signed up.
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The early bird price is$222 through November 8th.
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After that, it goes up.
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We're gathering live December 5th and 6th.
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It's looking like 10:00 AM Mexico City time, and you can find all the details through the link in the description and the first comment below.
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I would love to see you there.
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Now, here's what I really want you to take away from this video.
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You don't have to carry everything to be worthy of love, respect, and prosperity.
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You don't have to be everybody's problem solver.
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You don't have to keep everybody happy.
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You don't have to anticipate every possible outcome, and you don't have to spend your entire life preparing for the next thing instead of experiencing the life that's happening in front of you right now.
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You are allowed to have boundaries.
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You are allowed to let people be responsible for themselves.
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You are allowed to disappoint people.
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You're allowed to rest, and you are allowed to experience pleasure and joy without having to accomplish something first Because at the end of the day, everything that you have ever wanted actually comes from releasing control and embracing ease.
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It's about learning how to be both ambitious and relaxed, responsible and receptive, powerful and soft, and you get to create the life that feels as beautiful as it looks.
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So now I wanna hear from you in the comments.
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Which of these five patterns do you struggle with the most?
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Is it loose boundaries, people pleasing, rescuing other adults, not being present, or not allowing yourself enough pleasure?
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Let me know, I think this is a conversation that a lot more women need to be having.
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Like I said, every woman on that first call, uh, in the online business training, this came up as the common pattern, so I know that it is very prevalent in the community.
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And if you enjoyed this video, please make sure you like it, subscribe to the channel, and check out my other videos on feminine energy, nervous system regulation, and learning how to receive.
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Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.