Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / Avery Sunshine: “My First Marriage, I Chose It” | Love You Moore Show

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Avery Sunshine: “My First Marriage, I Chose It” | Love You Moore Show · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
[SPEAKER_04]: His episode is brought to you by my friends at RX Outreach, a 4-to-Po-Poscription, Medication for anyone, no exceptions.
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[SPEAKER_04]: RX Outreach is a non-profit mail-order pharmacy offering low-cost prescriptions medications with free delivery in all 50 states.
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0:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Bleed out.
0:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Next on the love of your worship.
0:21
[SPEAKER_05]: My first marriage.
0:22
[SPEAKER_05]: I chose it.
0:23
[SPEAKER_05]: I had decided in my mind what I wanted my partner to look like.
0:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Not necessarily be like.
0:30
[SPEAKER_05]: The very place where I am supposed to experience freedom was the place where I was not told that I could be free.
0:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Because people were not telling me, you don't have to stay in this.
0:40
[SPEAKER_05]: When you meet that person that makes you better, the thing you think is a flaw.
0:46
[SPEAKER_05]: They find beauty in it.
0:47
[SPEAKER_04]: I remember I said, I don't care if it's a podcast, a new album, a new radio show, a new TV show, create the movie, a documentary.
0:54
[SPEAKER_04]: I have to have a tool for somebody who's going through it to know that they're not a lot.
0:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you.
0:58
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of times in church, it has become a place of perfection, or at least pretentious, pretending perfection.
1:04
[SPEAKER_04]: But the moment that you come in the Christ, he desires to give you a heart transplant.
1:08
[UNKNOWN]: I love you.
1:10
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, family, what are you all doing here?
1:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And grateful for season 9 of the Love You More Show.
1:14
[SPEAKER_04]: Not today's guest is a Grammy Award winner.
1:18
[SPEAKER_04]: Let me tell you something, one of the most angelic voices that I've ever heard.
1:21
[SPEAKER_04]: And let me tell you, some people you meet, they just have this infectious spirit, and you just think to yourself,
1:27
[SPEAKER_04]: Man, I think I don't know enough for a minute.
1:29
[SPEAKER_04]: And then you ain't known him as long as you thought, but it's just something in her that kind of connects with you that says, this is safe, right?
1:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Today I get the esteemed privilege to hang out with one of the most amazing voices of our time.
1:41
[SPEAKER_04]: The one and only, every sunshine.
1:42
[SPEAKER_05]: What's going on, seeing?
1:43
[SPEAKER_05]: How I mean, you just have such an amazing way with words.
1:46
[SPEAKER_05]: It just makes me feel great.
1:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I wanted to look around and see who you were talking about.
1:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Now I've told my youth.
1:52
[SPEAKER_05]: You told my mom, I took the way.
1:53
[SPEAKER_05]: And you ain't wrote nothing down.
1:56
[SPEAKER_05]: You're just off the dome.
1:57
[SPEAKER_05]: I am so excited to be.
1:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Who would have thought did see it?
2:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Come on, but why don't I have a bell?
2:03
[SPEAKER_04]: We bring it a bit.
2:04
[SPEAKER_05]: Bell!
2:07
[SPEAKER_05]: What a thought.
2:08
[SPEAKER_05]: No, it's just like our third or fourth time maybe really meeting though, because the airport was like maybe fourth or fifth, because it was a radio station three years ago.
2:18
[SPEAKER_04]: It was a million, it wasn't a million years ago.
2:20
[SPEAKER_04]: It wasn't a million years ago.
2:21
[SPEAKER_04]: It's got to be like 28.
2:22
[SPEAKER_04]: So.
2:23
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm totally okay with that.
2:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Listen, because black don't crack beige, don't age.
2:28
[SPEAKER_04]: It's up like in the back of your feet when you were in a sound of some time.
2:31
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the one you're feeling a bit.
2:33
[SPEAKER_05]: If you're watching on it, not lotion.
2:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Straight up Vaseline.
2:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Come on!
2:38
[SPEAKER_05]: And if you from Chester P.A.
2:40
[SPEAKER_05]: by Daddy said Vaseline with a seat.
2:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Vaseline.
2:43
[SPEAKER_05]: I. Yeah.
2:44
[SPEAKER_04]: So.
2:45
[SPEAKER_04]: Literally, the love you more show is designed for people who have gone through uncappling.
2:50
[SPEAKER_04]: I like to say uncappling because it's less invasive to the children who watch.
2:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Because my children used to be like, yeah, you know, when they hear the word divorce, they be like, yeah, you know, because ran all, yeah, ran all, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, plus one.
3:03
[SPEAKER_04]: So today, I
3:04
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I just want to have a real conversation because there are so many people out there who are looking for love the second time You know, it's a age old song called the second time around right so second time.
3:16
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, and I will be honest as I see in this beautiful sea of finding love the second time
3:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Congratulations.
3:23
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you so much.
3:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I am sometimes in a tug-of-war mentally and emotionally on how much of myself I should give to those of you they see you and my brother Daniel and Daniel works right by your side and he just like even here.
3:37
[SPEAKER_04]: He was like, hey, let's make sure that we fix this He's very attentive of the woman that he married, right, but there was a time that you were going through so much and I've heard that That's when this beautiful music started to birth out of you differently.
3:50
[SPEAKER_04]: It's the truth and that's when people started to pay attention
3:52
[SPEAKER_04]: to share a little bit about your first marriage and what that thing was like for you.
3:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I, I, I chose it.
3:58
[SPEAKER_05]: That was my first marriage.
4:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I chose it.
4:01
[SPEAKER_05]: I had decided in my mind what I wanted my partner to look like.
4:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Not necessarily be like.
4:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Not, it's almost young, you know, I was 20 when I met him.
4:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I was 21, and I, you know, we were at, and I was at Spellman, he was at Morehouse, and it was a choir director, and I saw, and let's just be real musicians, we love a musician, new musicians love a musician, right?
4:30
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm happening, they're just some, some happening, you don't be on the instrument, you're like, oh, they stopped playing like, oh, mm-hmm.
4:37
[SPEAKER_05]: So, and on the Oregon, you know, folk look a little bit different.
4:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And they stopped the music stops and then it literally, that's what happened.
4:45
[SPEAKER_05]: I felt like the music stopped and they grew up and the stuff that I thought was important.
4:54
[SPEAKER_05]: just was not.
4:55
[SPEAKER_05]: And I dare to make him the bad guy because it wasn't.
4:59
[SPEAKER_05]: We were just both too young to make a commitment like that.
5:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Now what I will say, they say God takes care of babies and fools, even in our foolishness, we created these two amazing kids.
5:13
[SPEAKER_05]: And that was the reason that we
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[SPEAKER_05]: I believe that we got together, but beyond that, praise God.
5:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Praise God.
5:21
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I was actually having a real conversation the other day, and I was talking about when I initially was about to get married.
5:30
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I'm young is which as you go, come on, come on, come on.
5:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, love it.
5:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Did you see the bell, man?
5:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
5:36
[SPEAKER_04]: So when I honestly said that when I when I got married it was the time where you know I had I'm young I'm like 24 years old 25 I got a lot of friends.
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[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, and you know the one that I chose was the one that
5:51
[SPEAKER_04]: was better intimately right like you know the Bible.
5:55
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't even know if you say about his no church I always told you that you shouldn't have sex before marriage and here's the thing they'll never tell you why this but sex jades things like it make you look at a person different you'd be like you think I may look all of some things because you're good at this
6:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I have got to pay attention to this, because this is whack.
6:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, because I think that's important too.
6:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Right, if it ain't right, I see I feel, and I know God loved me just like I am, but I do think you suppose to, you know, bring on, let me test it, just to pace, now I got to stay off in it, but look, just have a little taste and see if I like that.
6:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, because if I'm a commit to this for the entirety of my existence, I got to like that.
6:34
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, because stuff starts to change what I know now
6:38
[SPEAKER_05]: My God stuff starts changing.
6:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Your desires, what you even stuff you think you want, your body will betray you.
6:47
[SPEAKER_05]: You know what I mean?
6:48
[SPEAKER_05]: So, and not on a bad way, but I mean, I'm enjoying the aging process.
6:53
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm learning this new me.
6:55
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm so glad that what I have with my, and we didn't tap on this, but I'm just gonna say I'm so glad that what I have with my husband is so much greater than the changes that I'm going through.
7:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I love it.
7:08
[SPEAKER_05]: So the changes don't really, we work through, I won't say they don't matter, but we're able to work through them because what we have is so much bigger than that.
7:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
7:18
[SPEAKER_05]: So who were you after you made that decision?
7:21
[SPEAKER_04]: I see it.
7:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Because the divorce, because I know we said not to say that.
7:25
[SPEAKER_05]: No, no, no.
7:25
[SPEAKER_05]: OK.
7:26
[SPEAKER_05]: But who was that?
7:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Who were you after divorce?
7:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I was, I'll say this, I was a,
7:37
[SPEAKER_05]: single mommy trying to add to learning to advocate for what I wanted.
7:49
[SPEAKER_05]: And you know, when you have kids, though, they teach you to be forced you to be the most unselfish that you can be.
7:59
[SPEAKER_05]: You don't have, so with that, I had to find me, which is very interesting.
8:07
[SPEAKER_05]: And finding me, my kids, you know, in their teens, they were like, you weren't really here.
8:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, which wasn't all the way to, you know, how your kids try to, they emotionally, they, they try to get you and be like, see, I don't, I throw it a bedroom up because you didn't say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
8:45
[SPEAKER_05]: that they had the opportunities that they, you know, that they should have and so that I could be the mom that I needed to be.
8:56
[SPEAKER_05]: And had I not started working on me and I was
9:03
[SPEAKER_05]: And I tell them this, if I had not pursued my music and done that part of me, I have no idea who I would have been for them.
9:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So was music like your therapy or did you do that?
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[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely my therapy.
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[SPEAKER_05]: You know, hell of black, one don't know therapy.
9:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Exactly.
9:23
[SPEAKER_04]: No, no, no, no.
9:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Listen.
9:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, like, man, you got out of there.
9:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, this is for six years now.
9:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me tell you something about better help.
9:30
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
9:30
[SPEAKER_05]: If you can't get me, but I mean, I get no money from the point of it.
9:35
[SPEAKER_05]: They did help better.
9:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
9:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it is really important to have some body to talk to, to have some body to, to sometimes to just listen.
9:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Because many times, if we talk at all, we're talking to people who are going through stuff to who can't be objective.
9:54
[SPEAKER_05]: who are or job, what you ought to, let me tell you what you ought to do.
9:57
[SPEAKER_05]: They broke in so they can't do anything for you.
9:59
[SPEAKER_05]: So I really am grateful for the counseling and therapy that I understand about now.
10:05
[SPEAKER_05]: But then the music was, it was it.
10:08
[SPEAKER_05]: I was able to, now some songs I didn't release because they were really, really, they lose a lot.
10:13
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, that was filled.
10:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, that would be so you don't talk about the divorce.
10:16
[SPEAKER_05]: It was a lot.
10:17
[SPEAKER_05]: And let me tell you what.
10:18
[SPEAKER_05]: And there's that, okay, we don't want to come out the gate.
10:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
10:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Angry.
10:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
10:22
[SPEAKER_05]: But I didn't want to talk about, and not all being my children's father's fault.
10:29
[SPEAKER_05]: We did that together.
10:30
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
10:32
[SPEAKER_05]: Who calls you to say enough is enough?
10:35
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, without throwing him completely under the bus.
10:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and he knows it, but he was like, so look, we need a whole lot of money by the end of the day today to pay the mortgage.
10:50
[SPEAKER_05]: What do you mean?
10:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, yeah, I hadn't been paying it.
10:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh well.
10:55
[SPEAKER_05]: That's all right.
10:56
[SPEAKER_05]: So look, I'm gonna go get the kids.
10:58
[SPEAKER_05]: As a matter of, I'm gonna take them to drop some stuff.
11:02
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and then I'm gonna come back.
11:05
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm gonna get myself sorted.
11:07
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm gonna call my mom, and I'm gonna get those kids up to Chester PA, mom took care of the kids for me a few months, so I could figure out how we got there.
11:18
[SPEAKER_04]: And like I said, without throwing them onto the bus, we both did that.
11:23
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
11:25
[SPEAKER_04]: But I didn't, you know what I mean?
11:26
[SPEAKER_04]: I've seen you protecting all these years.
11:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I've seen other interviews, where it's like, even the songs.
11:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you know, you made those other songs.
11:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
11:34
[SPEAKER_04]: It was like, you know, what I did, looked about me.
11:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:37
[SPEAKER_04]: This is what I could have learned.
11:38
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
11:39
[SPEAKER_04]: And so what made you be so integral with that?
11:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Knowing that there was things that he did wrong.
11:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Because now we live in an age where if something goes wrong, we can strike the social media, everything that's the hardest person on the bus.
11:50
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's kill their character.
11:52
[SPEAKER_04]: What made you say, hey, man,
11:54
[SPEAKER_04]: We have two children together.
11:56
[SPEAKER_04]: We both have last three years, friends, reputation.
11:59
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
12:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Even though I'm the name and could really be, yeah, I could just, at any time, what, as you say, hey, I'm not going to do that.
12:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Because you do know I have that strain in me.
12:08
[SPEAKER_05]: That I could be, let me tell you what you, let me, you know what he did.
12:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
12:12
[SPEAKER_05]: Part of that was my children.
12:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't want them to see me be that way.
12:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Secondly, it's my husband.
12:22
[SPEAKER_04]: You're doing it?
12:22
[SPEAKER_05]: At that time, my best friend said, now why would you do, how would that?
12:28
[SPEAKER_05]: How would be rating and immasculating your children's father?
12:36
[SPEAKER_05]: How would that read to them?
12:38
[SPEAKER_05]: If he is a part of them, and you'd be right and be little him, then aren't you doing that to them?
12:46
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm saying, you,
12:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, you fire.
12:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, because I wanted to tell y'all what he, and it was just so, it was just the right thing.
13:00
[SPEAKER_05]: It was the right thing.
13:02
[SPEAKER_05]: And he still talks to me now.
13:04
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't say it that way.
13:05
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't do that.
13:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't just be careful, be careful.
13:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Now I'm going to tell the truth.
13:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
13:12
[SPEAKER_05]: But there is a way that I can tell the truth.
13:14
[SPEAKER_04]: I absolutely love it, you know, because I think on the other side of the camera there's so many women that had these emotions.
13:20
[SPEAKER_04]: I heard I think I heard you say I do have that in me though their strength is there.
13:24
[SPEAKER_04]: That strength is there.
13:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
13:26
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, but a lot of people do not have the world with all to be strong enough to see the future.
13:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I often say that if you focus on them, you meet it.
13:33
[SPEAKER_04]: You're gonna miss the ultimate right cuz if you pop off in the immediate yeah, you're gonna miss the ultimate I often tell my people who kind of see some of the things that I had to go through and so I didn't you jump back and do this this and yes I'm like brought from St. Louis you know I can run that play and I get paid to run my mouth Like it just come off the dome, but I realized that I'm going to have to know her in some capacity for the rest of my life There it is making you don't want to make where they say permanent decisions on the tip of very situation
14:04
[SPEAKER_05]: And having someone, having a companion who's able to help you see yourself without making you feel bad about yourself.
14:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
14:13
[SPEAKER_05]: What is that?
14:14
[SPEAKER_05]: That's how I knew.
14:15
[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't want to romanticize it and make this a real thing to have somebody who sees the greatness in you when you have been so broken or so tainted by what the world wants
14:33
[SPEAKER_05]: that you, you know, you don't even want, like I said, I just want to be mad and I gave me somebody who's, he is consistently that glass is almost full.
14:43
[SPEAKER_03]: More love you more podcast after this.
14:47
[SPEAKER_03]: every day, people are forced to make impossible choices.
14:51
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14:59
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15:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Flat out.
15:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that people perish because of that lack of knowledge, right?
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been long said that you have to have this type of credit score to buy a house.
15:42
[SPEAKER_01]: To be honest with you, if you're a hustler and you've got 20% credit score, it don't really matter.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we've got long programs out there for people who are entrepreneurs, but for the everyday average working person, you want to have at least a 580 for FHA or a 624 conventional loan.
16:00
[SPEAKER_04]: That's that too jockey maybe this is your season to say I'm gonna step out on faith and when I step out on faith I want to step out on faith with somebody who moves within integrity.
16:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Make sure you connect with jack-haw Now back to the love you more sure He is consistently But glass is almost full Yeah, I have Yeah, glass is when you're birthday make 20 second.
16:22
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm gonna admit I may 20 second.
16:23
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
16:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Good.
16:24
[SPEAKER_04]: That makes sense It's all right.
16:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Why would that because they say we would
16:26
[SPEAKER_04]: But that made because usually people say that and they're like, you know what I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
16:47
[SPEAKER_04]: All right, now I'm inside this area so you know everything's a dream everything's a goal everything's big energy We have to do everything, you know, I want them I want to have it perfect and I think when it came to marriage I'm similar to you like I had this idea of
17:01
[SPEAKER_04]: The Cosby Show has everything to be right.
17:03
[SPEAKER_04]: And even if it wasn't right on the inside, I wanted to be perceived as right.
17:09
[SPEAKER_04]: And it became so unhealthy because you started to take on different responsibilities that actually belong to God.
17:15
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, he changes the people.
17:17
[SPEAKER_04]: I can't even change myself.
17:19
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, come on.
17:21
[SPEAKER_04]: So when you look at, when you look at the woman that you used to be, like, what would you tell her now?
17:28
[SPEAKER_05]: tell her to slow down.
17:30
[SPEAKER_05]: So something that I'm learning, it's gosh, it was there's a about stoicism.
17:37
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm adding that to my reality.
17:45
[SPEAKER_05]: So you have a stimulus and then you have a reaction, but between the stimulus and the reaction, there should be a pause for folks like me.
17:55
[SPEAKER_05]: I need to stop.
17:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Whatever that thing is, it happens.
17:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Just stop.
18:03
[SPEAKER_05]: I might need a few days.
18:05
[SPEAKER_05]: I might eat a few minutes, but I'm learning that my personality, that Gemini needs to stop.
18:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Got it.
18:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Before I respond.
18:14
[SPEAKER_05]: before I saw the guy on the Oregon plan and reacted immediately when we locked eyes, I was supposed to pause.
18:22
[SPEAKER_05]: When he said, can I have your number?
18:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Hmm, hey, me not.
18:26
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, right, just pause, just pause, just pause.
18:28
[SPEAKER_05]: But I'm learning that even in dealing with my children, just pause.
18:34
[SPEAKER_05]: Should you, should you tell them what you think right now, Mom?
18:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Should you ask them what they think?
18:40
[SPEAKER_05]: I need to stop and ask myself questions before I respond.
18:44
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what I would have told.
18:46
[SPEAKER_05]: But what I will say, you know, a part of that,
18:50
[SPEAKER_05]: stimulus and reaction that made me great at what I did and makes me great in my work and I work it work it works it works in church yes you don't you got to see what's happening whatever that stimulus isn't about to get in it they sleep over the I get up because the thought is good yeah that made me great at the being acquired director being a leader
19:12
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, but it doesn't always make you great at being a friend, a parent, a partner.
19:22
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm learning to balance it.
19:23
[SPEAKER_05]: So I definitely would have told young Denise, just pause, pausing your personal life.
19:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, absolutely.
19:34
[SPEAKER_04]: How did the church respond to you on coupling?
19:37
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, people said, you know God and gone God, but you supposed to just stay with it.
19:41
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, it pained as a part of the process.
19:45
[SPEAKER_05]: And Jesus was on the cross.
19:47
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not Jesus.
19:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if I was called to, you know, I'm not that, and some, and that calls a bit of a fissure between me and the church because there was so much stuff that I had to undo because part of it was, I was pregnant before I got married.
20:10
[SPEAKER_05]: So some of that, not the church's fault, but,
20:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I remember calling my mom, I'm pregnant.
20:17
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the so I got to get married.
20:18
[SPEAKER_05]: And she said, no, you know, I love your mom.
20:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, is she something else?
20:23
[SPEAKER_05]: No, you don't.
20:23
[SPEAKER_05]: She said, no, you don't.
20:24
[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, but mom, I'm in the church.
20:26
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm directing choirs.
20:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm leading praise and worship.
20:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm done.
20:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I got to get married.
20:31
[SPEAKER_05]: And she says, listen, if that's what you want, do it.
20:35
[SPEAKER_05]: But I just want you to hear from me.
20:37
[SPEAKER_05]: You don't have to do it.
20:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Did it anyway?
20:43
[SPEAKER_05]: That's where I was.
20:45
[SPEAKER_05]: That's, I mean, I didn't, and I remember preachers preaching on babies out of wedlock.
20:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Why the, the, the, the, the, the, the pregnancy mama's, what, one of my, my best friend in the world was pregnant in the pastor preached against, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
21:05
[SPEAKER_05]: We were just talking about this a couple of weeks ago.
21:08
[SPEAKER_05]: What did that do to you in that moment?
21:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh my god.
21:11
[SPEAKER_05]: And seeing that happened to her.
21:13
[SPEAKER_05]: It further, at that time, I was married.
21:17
[SPEAKER_05]: But it further, it put even a larger wedge between me and I'll say,
21:28
[SPEAKER_05]: church, but it was really church folk and the leadership and the role of the pastor and how a lot of great preach preachers are not pastoral.
21:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Thanks.
21:42
[SPEAKER_04]: They're great community.
21:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Great coming.
21:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and they know, and entertainers, a lot of them make they go how to get you to get you know what I mean?
21:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Which is not a bad thing.
21:50
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
21:51
[SPEAKER_05]: But it costs it.
21:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, so a great divide and what do you what do you think would be the right approach because I've never been a woman Yeah, so me and do it all the time the pastor has done it.
22:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, hey, you got to baby over there did all that but we don't have to prove to walk around with what we've done.
22:11
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, so as a woman
22:14
[SPEAKER_04]: now looking back, being pregnant before marriage, going ahead and getting married because you feel like it's the right thing to do for the persona of what you represent.
22:23
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, what would be the right of approach for a man pastor for a woman who is now pregnant out of will.
22:30
[SPEAKER_05]: One, shut up, come on, secondly, if you got anything to say.
22:35
[SPEAKER_05]: what can I do to help you?
22:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Do you need anything?
22:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, service.
22:38
[SPEAKER_05]: Talk to the other women around you.
22:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Don't move in a way that, because, again, it's the same thing.
22:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Some of what made them great at preaching and all that.
22:49
[SPEAKER_05]: It makes them bad with social cues and understanding that.
22:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Just because you're great up there, you know, you got to remove that.
22:58
[SPEAKER_05]: We write here together.
22:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Look at the eyes.
23:02
[SPEAKER_05]: How can I help you do you need anything?
23:05
[SPEAKER_05]: That's how you would endure me to the church, to your Christianity when I see that.
23:16
[SPEAKER_05]: It starts to make it look like, wow, that's not the God that I know, the God that I serve would not make me feel bad.
23:28
[SPEAKER_05]: But you move in a way that makes me feel bad.
23:31
[SPEAKER_05]: That's confusing.
23:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
23:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Be quiet, I would tell them.
23:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, pause.
23:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Take their breath, we just talked about that.
23:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Take their breath, count to one million if you need to.
23:43
[SPEAKER_05]: But you don't know everything.
23:45
[SPEAKER_05]: You definitely don't know.
23:46
[SPEAKER_05]: That's how we get to the toxic masculinity.
23:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I know it's going to the pendulum is swung all the way to the left.
23:51
[SPEAKER_05]: And people are like, we're tired of hearing about it, but it's a real thing.
23:55
[SPEAKER_05]: It's a real thing for, to be in a space.
23:59
[SPEAKER_05]: and all the men around you feel like, oh yeah, yeah, you didn't had a baby out of, and you this, and I can tell you how to do that, and we're screaming, but wait, I have a vote, but I'm a huge, but wait, we talk about this in studio sessions.
24:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Normally, I am the only woman in the session and I'll be in the session, and guys will ask my husband first.
24:24
[SPEAKER_05]: What key is the song in?
24:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Like, wait, man, I'm standing right here.
24:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I wrote it.
24:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I can sit down and play it.
24:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Can change keys in it if you need to.
24:35
[SPEAKER_05]: And maybe you forget it's a, so we end up having to, uh, fight clamor for a space that we shouldn't have to.
24:45
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
24:45
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
24:47
[SPEAKER_05]: I shouldn't have to say, don't talk bad about me from the pool pit, but I have to.
24:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
24:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Not everywhere, but I really wanted my audience to feel this because the pregnancy writes now because of the exposure to social media, young ladies are getting pregnant early and then it makes my job even more hard when they experience something.
25:14
[SPEAKER_04]: at a church.
25:16
[SPEAKER_04]: And I represent so big publicly trying to, you know, change the banner, re-represented.
25:20
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, there's a, there's a, there's a human, my humanity doesn't overshadow my Christianity, but my humanity is here.
25:27
[SPEAKER_04]: So you can be human.
25:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
25:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And let's stay in this process.
25:29
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's like, yeah, but I'll do.
25:32
[SPEAKER_04]: He just preached from the pool pit about my 16-year-old sister, bro.
25:37
[SPEAKER_04]: So now what you got to say about that, and I got that same jersey, you know, right?
25:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And so it's almost as if it's like, hey, man, maybe you hear it from a woman that you aren't in respect because of her gifting.
25:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
25:47
[SPEAKER_04]: And maybe there's a strategy, but just because you're saying granddaddy, you're uncle, and that list of pastors, because I ain't grow up with pastors, I grow up with hustlers.
25:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
25:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, maybe you can hear it from her, and be like, you know what, maybe I should have just my approach, maybe dad was wrong.
26:00
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, this next generation has way too many options right now, besides your church.
26:05
[SPEAKER_04]: They can just stay on social media Do whatever they want to do, but we want them in the house so they can be loved right and so no It's so honorable and admirable that you would choose to even share such an emotion Because somebody on the other side of the camera specifically my kingdom people like I know that this woman right now Like they did me just like that girl like they probably in the comments right now Girl I went through that my mama went through that
26:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, raise his hand my mama was pregnant the second time out of way like and she chose to promote me to adoption You know what I mean like I can't go do that again That you said promote you know them.
26:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, yeah, it was totally promotion Come oh, it was let me tell you if I wish my mother was here my mother my grandmother gave my mother up Yeah, my mother said had it not been for that one act.
26:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, she says I don't know where I would be today That's my story our foster parents
26:53
[SPEAKER_05]: loved on her so much.
26:55
[SPEAKER_05]: It was the best thing that my grandmother could have done for my mother.
27:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I tell her most of them is amazing.
27:04
[SPEAKER_04]: I literally could not be the person that I am if it wasn't for this.
27:08
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that's why I stayed in Mary so long because I wanted to be dead.
27:11
[SPEAKER_04]: He got a divorce.
27:12
[SPEAKER_04]: And I said well he went through and I was like I'm sticking in this because that's the one thing I'm gonna beat you in Come on, and then he I mean, he told me boy you ain't got no answer back there no more I said where I'm doing that girl.
27:24
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm worked your hands off.
27:26
[SPEAKER_04]: It's going I like
27:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Basin, it ain't jail, it ain't jail, so you can get out of, you can get out of, you can get out of it.
27:37
[SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't, I didn't say, I ain't heard nothing from me.
27:40
[SPEAKER_04]: And I was like, well, you know, dad, I'm gonna work through this Christianity says that anything could change, and I could put God in the middle, it's just three, you know, three string cord, and, you know, you go into that, but a lot of times you make that decision.
27:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And then God said on the sideline, like, don't try to put me in and not.
27:56
[SPEAKER_04]: You should have hollered at me before you was running up there to that often, now you want to smudge my name on it and I didn't have nothing to do with it in the beginning.
28:03
[SPEAKER_05]: And might I add, am I just course correcting?
28:08
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
28:09
[SPEAKER_05]: That is true.
28:11
[SPEAKER_05]: And my course corrected.
28:13
[SPEAKER_05]: So, so, because I did not, you know, bring you in it.
28:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't have, and that was my, oh, that was my reality when it was time for it to happen.
28:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I was, and I've said this, I've told the story, Willie Moore Jr., I remember laying on, I got as low as I could, and I laid on the linoleum.
28:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I remember feeling the cool on my face in that house that was foreclosed on.
28:44
[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, this is not what you want from me, God.
28:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I got up, I sent those children to my mom, and I moved out.
28:55
[SPEAKER_05]: That was it.
28:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't see, I had tunnel vision.
29:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I got to go, never look back.
29:02
[SPEAKER_05]: That was it.
29:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Whatever's in this place, you can keep it.
29:04
[SPEAKER_05]: God bless you and may have a smile upon you to piano.
29:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Whatever's in here is yours.
29:10
[SPEAKER_05]: This is not what God wants for me.
29:12
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't even look.
29:13
[SPEAKER_05]: You can't find photos of me during that time.
29:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't even look like my,
29:20
[SPEAKER_05]: This is not it.
29:22
[SPEAKER_05]: I was course correcting.
29:23
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't feel no kind way.
29:25
[SPEAKER_04]: It lists and if you went something and you know, you know, I've never heard that.
29:30
[SPEAKER_04]: And I was brought to your mind.
29:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I like to deal with sports career.
29:33
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm part of the 31% of me who said I have to course career.
29:36
[SPEAKER_04]: And you can smudge it.
29:37
[SPEAKER_04]: You could put it.
29:38
[SPEAKER_04]: I ever you want to put this.
29:40
[SPEAKER_04]: And he wanted to do this.
29:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And this is like, no, I could have did all this stuff that you talking about that I want to do right at home.
29:46
[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
29:46
[SPEAKER_04]: But I just knew.
29:48
[SPEAKER_04]: in my shananan and little side, right here.
29:52
[SPEAKER_04]: That was something else, right here.
29:54
[SPEAKER_04]: This is where you all go, it makes you quick in.
29:56
[SPEAKER_04]: That's where you're quick and go.
29:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, shit.
29:59
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, God, just guess.
30:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Hi, I caught it.
30:02
[SPEAKER_04]: I thought this guy is the only thing.
30:04
[SPEAKER_04]: But now you straight wrote, like, I've never heard that.
30:07
[SPEAKER_04]: I just course correct you.
30:08
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to hold on to that.
30:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, you take it, you take that lie that when you're in something, you have to stay in it.
30:16
[SPEAKER_05]: That is a lie.
30:20
[SPEAKER_05]: I was 70 pounds larger a couple of years ago.
30:25
[SPEAKER_05]: You ain't going to tell me that I had to stay that way.
30:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I had fibroids and had to have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,
30:57
[SPEAKER_05]: Why don't you get your eyes fixed?
30:59
[SPEAKER_05]: My mother's a whole 37 years old in me.
31:02
[SPEAKER_05]: Why don't you get your eyes fixed?
31:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I can do that.
31:09
[SPEAKER_05]: The very place, and I'm not talking bad about the church.
31:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I was talking about my experience.
31:12
[SPEAKER_05]: The very place where I am supposed to experience freedom was the place where I was not told that I could be free because people were not telling me, you don't have to stay in this.
31:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Nobody said it, Willie, nobody said it.
31:30
[SPEAKER_05]: They talk about it and we shout and we do all that, but nobody says, you don't have to know, just pray.
31:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, no, you can pray for better sight and you can do your best to do better with your diet or you can go get laces so you can see or.
31:48
[SPEAKER_05]: But whatever that thing is, I don't know what it is.
31:51
[SPEAKER_05]: And whatever that thing is,
31:55
[SPEAKER_05]: We don't have to stay in those spaces that feel like they are oppressive.
32:01
[SPEAKER_05]: We just don't.
32:03
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the gag.
32:06
[SPEAKER_05]: And when you, when you, I feel like the moment that I started seeing God for myself, that was one of those moments that the divorce, the, the, the, the, when I had lacing, I remember, I had my eyes open while he's doing the lacing.
32:24
[SPEAKER_05]: And you can actually see this might be to I know my husband I don't say it it's too much but you can see there's like a blade or something that they used to just to kind of reshape right and I was looking at I could see it.
32:38
[SPEAKER_05]: And then the lights came on because everything was dark the lights came on.
32:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Doctor said look over there and I'll see I was about 40.
32:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, I got glasses when I was eight.
32:52
[SPEAKER_05]: I feel like I'm gonna open some because I ain't gonna cry.
32:55
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know what it's gonna be, but after you said, look over there.
32:59
[SPEAKER_05]: Tell me what time it is.
33:06
[SPEAKER_05]: You talk about a metaphor.
33:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Look at it and tell me if you see what time it is.
33:12
[SPEAKER_05]: It's like 11.07.
33:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I could read the time without my glasses.
33:22
[SPEAKER_05]: That changed.
33:25
[SPEAKER_05]: That changed my perspective on everything.
33:28
[SPEAKER_05]: So I've been lied to.
33:31
[SPEAKER_05]: You don't have to stay in that space.
33:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Whatever that space is, you can get cleared.
33:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh my God, it's time to get me here.
33:38
[SPEAKER_05]: You can see the time.
33:40
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
33:41
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's what I felt.
33:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, that's literally what I felt.
33:44
[SPEAKER_04]: But you know, I know we've been for a while, but I'm just having, I'm enjoying this conversation.
33:48
[SPEAKER_04]: I've got to actually this, I actually this.
33:51
[SPEAKER_04]: So going through all of that, sleeping on this
33:55
[SPEAKER_04]: and then having to give your children to mom and just really course correct.
34:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Nobody's really coming to your rescue at this point.
34:03
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like you finally get out of that thing.
34:05
[SPEAKER_04]: Like who are you now and how do you receive love a second time?
34:10
[SPEAKER_04]: Because I know.
34:12
[SPEAKER_04]: that I hear this out of time with other people who've been through uncoupling and divorce, they like, bruh, I ain't never doing that no more, bro, yeah.
34:19
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, I'm never going to say that.
34:22
[SPEAKER_04]: I know I'm somebody who's because I really enjoy
34:26
[SPEAKER_04]: being a husband like I don't want to be nobody boy for him because I'm a mess somebody whole life up because I have husband qualities because I grew up with the ultimate husband.
34:34
[SPEAKER_04]: I only know how to be what I saw my dad like a husband.
34:39
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
34:39
[SPEAKER_04]: So I never said it, but what were your thoughts afterwards were you like me?
34:42
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm done with this bro.
34:43
[SPEAKER_04]: I ain't never doing this again.
34:44
[SPEAKER_05]: So I did say I was never getting married again.
34:46
[SPEAKER_05]: I will say in something you said, I just want to I want to make it clear.
34:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I did have support when I was coming out of that.
34:55
[SPEAKER_05]: from some of my church family.
34:57
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, praise God.
34:59
[SPEAKER_05]: There was a guy, I hope I'm just gonna say his name because he was amazing to me, same as Fred Bryan, my dear sister, Michelle Minofi.
35:09
[SPEAKER_05]: My god, mama, pet George, it was a whole slew of people.
35:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh my god, what do I think about me and those two people.
35:26
[SPEAKER_05]: and not getting child support and doing the best that I could to make your work.
35:31
[SPEAKER_05]: And trying to figure out what I was gonna do with my life, because I knew I am being down on that linoleum make me feel like you, you are greater than this.
35:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I needed to feel that, I feel like I feel like I need to feel
35:57
[SPEAKER_05]: to remind me to get up, right?
36:00
[SPEAKER_05]: And I had that group of people, Dana, my mom and my dad, who moved to Atlanta to help me take care of those kids.
36:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Since I, because you still have dreams, we're gonna help you with these dreams, right?
36:15
[SPEAKER_05]: My Ebeneezer Baptist Church family, Raphael Warner.
36:21
[SPEAKER_05]: I did have a team of people who were there and I did say, you know, while I was trying to get myself together, of course, yeah, I ain't never getting married again, I'm just going to.
36:32
[SPEAKER_05]: But, but I always knew that I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I wanted to be coupled.
36:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was our children who said about me and Dana.
36:45
[SPEAKER_05]: And my father before he died, he said that that's your husband.
36:51
[SPEAKER_04]: No, you did it, too.
36:52
[SPEAKER_05]: My dad, he said that about Dana.
36:54
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what he did.
36:55
[SPEAKER_05]: He was nuts.
36:56
[SPEAKER_05]: My father was out of his mind.
36:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I mean, oh, God, you shouldn't run, right?
37:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that shouldn't be just stop on it.
37:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:02
[SPEAKER_05]: If I really told you that, I can't take all that own camera off the camera, I'd tell you what you remember.
37:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Right, he was like, that's your husband.
37:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm just like, you shouldn't say that.
37:11
[SPEAKER_05]: That's not right.
37:13
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not all the way divorced to my guy.
37:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm just still working.
37:15
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he was trying to get out of this, but he knew it.
37:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, they know we both said it.
37:21
[SPEAKER_05]: We're not doing this again.
37:22
[SPEAKER_05]: The pain of having to do that and the pain of going through all that and what's your, you take this and I take that.
37:28
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't want to do that.
37:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And you, again, when you meet that person that makes you better, that makes you,
37:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Look, what we're up on your stretch marks because they think it's beautiful.
37:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Ah, the thing you think is a flaw.
37:54
[SPEAKER_05]: They find beauty in it.
37:57
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow.
37:58
[SPEAKER_05]: That's, almost cost.
38:02
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm gonna do it to the people of God, but that's a love like the love that I wanna feel when I'm in church.
38:11
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the love I want to feel if I do come in here and I'm under age and I end up pregnant or I have found myself, I just got out of jail and I've dealt with something or I lost my job and I'm here or I'm recently divorced and I show up to the church and I want to be loved on and look that in a way that that makes you your scars make you beautiful because it makes you you right.
38:37
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what I want.
38:39
[SPEAKER_05]: And if I'm getting that outside of the church, whoa, that's another conversation, but this guy, that's what changed the whole marriage thing because I felt like we were already married.
38:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I really did.
38:53
[SPEAKER_05]: It was something that God did.
38:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, no, I listen.
38:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Totally.
38:57
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, you get it.
38:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, my God.
38:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Totally understand, like, yeah, this is kind of this month, this month.
39:04
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, but when you're,
39:06
[SPEAKER_04]: That's on the way, but I know who people would say it to him and he wouldn't correct them.
39:10
[SPEAKER_04]: It'd be like, yeah, you're your wife and he'd be like, yeah, yeah, it's all good.
39:14
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm living in that crazy season now.
39:17
[SPEAKER_04]: My mom got arrested so she went told everybody boy, then went down there and got married.
39:20
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't care when nobody's sick.
39:21
[SPEAKER_04]: So why are you telling them people that because I know you did it's time to watch I said no mom I'm not getting tired of nothing.
39:28
[SPEAKER_04]: I think I would have called you at least now I just feeling in my spirit she's like you already know you know what I mean when it's all the line And it's all great and I will say this is land of playing man.
39:38
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm so grateful on just for your transparency I think a lot of people
39:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, they needed to hear, you know, trans person because that, that juncture of life is one of the toughest times ever, like of your life.
39:54
[SPEAKER_04]: And I remember looking and asking, similar to what you said, hey man, can you just kind of help me out through this?
39:59
[SPEAKER_04]: I ain't never been through this.
40:00
[SPEAKER_04]: I ain't used to this type of tension.
40:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I'm used to being nice and people being cool.
40:03
[SPEAKER_04]: I ain't used to people looking at me crazy like that, man.
40:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Just pray about it.
40:07
[SPEAKER_04]: And as I said, I'm set on my floor, my condo in tears.
40:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I remember, I said, I don't care if it's a podcast, a new album, a new radio show, a new TV show, creating the movie, a documentary.
40:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I have to have a tool for somebody who's going through it to know that they're not alone.
40:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
40:21
[SPEAKER_04]: Like you got it to make sure.
40:23
[SPEAKER_04]: And I say, listen, I honor your husband.
40:25
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I think God, like, I don't even have your information, but I knew when I met Dana in their radio station, just how, like, I look at, because I grew up with real men.
40:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, not like, come on talk now.
40:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Just write a role, make sure everything's straight.
40:42
[SPEAKER_03]: And when I say nothing, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's different, it's different.
40:46
[SPEAKER_04]: He's a, he a man.
40:47
[SPEAKER_04]: He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, I mean, not no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you got a man, a man, like a bro, and like, because you got to be in your eyes, you know what I'm saying?
40:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Some stuff.
40:57
[SPEAKER_05]: And let me tell you, he's so much a man that I do stuff that he doesn't ask me for.
41:02
[SPEAKER_05]: He ain't got to ask for it.
41:04
[SPEAKER_05]: His, his, the way he moves, it calls for it.
41:08
[SPEAKER_05]: I, I, I feel like I want to do things for him.
41:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Now, some stuff he does have to ask me.
41:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to lie.
41:16
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I am human.
41:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, no doubt.
41:20
[SPEAKER_05]: But no, it's the best majority of things that I thought I said I would never do.
41:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
41:25
[SPEAKER_05]: I do gladly, you know, I see how she did that.
41:27
[SPEAKER_04]: She would never, never like I never before.
41:29
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a song.
41:29
[SPEAKER_04]: If you write that, we don't do that.
41:30
[SPEAKER_04]: She said, never like I never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never
41:47
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, listen, um, this, this, this camera right here, um, family, listen, here's the catch 22, you know, when I get into this conversation, I never know how the law is going to actually touch it, how he's going to breathe on it.
41:57
[SPEAKER_04]: But having this opportunity to sit down with every sunshine, what I think I heard is there's a level of grace and mercy that everybody requires when they're going through anything, specifically when you come to the hospital that's designed for the sick, right, AKA the church.
42:12
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of times in church, it has become a place.
42:16
[SPEAKER_04]: of perfection or at least pretentious, pretending perfection.
42:20
[SPEAKER_04]: And we have to get back to the foundation of who God has created us to be.
42:24
[SPEAKER_04]: This crazy story in the Bible, Jesus is there with all his disciples.
42:27
[SPEAKER_04]: He's about to go to the cross like a boss.
42:28
[SPEAKER_04]: He's no, he's coming back, but don't nobody else, no, he's coming back.
42:31
[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, they don't even know he's going.
42:32
[SPEAKER_04]: He's sitting down with the disciples and he's saying, man.
42:35
[SPEAKER_04]: I got to give y'all a new, a new commandment.
42:37
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sure all the people in there was like, oh, hell, he, he go with another one, right?
42:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And he says, listen, what I need you to do is I need you to love them.
42:46
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think everybody, all his disciples, all they showed his job was like, oh, cool, we can do that, we've been doing that for a minute, he straight.
42:52
[SPEAKER_04]: And then he added this beautiful caveat, he said, listen, I want you to love them.
42:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I love you.
42:58
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's when it became a little difficult.
43:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Because I just believe a lot of times, we love how we think we need to be loved, but we forget how Jesus loved us.
43:08
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm not talking about this, this Jesus that you only think about him taking the cross like a boss.
43:14
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm talking about the Jesus that actually lived a flawless life.
43:19
[SPEAKER_04]: And the example that he said right here on earth,
43:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Like he always went to the broken hearted and he didn't even mention the broken heart.
43:28
[SPEAKER_04]: He created a solution to his example and if we want to walk around like Christ, we should live in a perpetual solution.
43:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Now, to my neighborhood, people, I know what you're saying, bro, because I grew up the same way.
43:41
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you have these ideologies that you get from the neighborhood that if somebody hurt you, you got to put it on.
43:46
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I'm from St. Louis and not to be too graphic.
43:49
[SPEAKER_04]: But if you want murder, you got to be too.
43:50
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, we just had a lot of different things that were placed in us.
43:53
[SPEAKER_04]: But the moment that you come in the Christ, he desires to give you a heart transplant.
43:59
[SPEAKER_04]: This say, hey, man.
44:00
[SPEAKER_04]: I want to give you my heart that you'll begin to feel a little different towards people's actions because you know that there's something bigger going on on the inside.
44:10
[SPEAKER_04]: And so my pastor's leaders and people who were this jersey that I'm wearing right, not perfectly.
44:16
[SPEAKER_04]: I just asked him what able to do that one thing that Jesus said right before he was about to get on that crop.
44:22
[SPEAKER_04]: Love them.
44:24
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I love you.
44:26
[SPEAKER_04]: If we stay right there, we could change the world collectively.
44:29
[SPEAKER_04]: To my people, I love you, and I'm encouraging you to love yourself.
44:33
[SPEAKER_04]: More.
44:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Flat out.
44:44
[SPEAKER_00]: When I knew that there was no saving of my marriage, I said, well, God, I'm gonna have to go ahead and save myself.
44:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to live at healthy, and I can't live at toxic.
44:52
[SPEAKER_00]: When I got my kids back, let me tell you something, Willie.
44:55
[SPEAKER_00]: That was probably the biggest win throughout the divorce.
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: When she went low, I went high.
45:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, I just wasn't about the business.
45:02
[SPEAKER_00]: The greatest thing that I have found in my wife's career is that we're best friends.
45:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Always want to be around each other.
45:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm constantly like, where are you?
45:09
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, where are you?
45:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's you'll get up from the couch and just go to the bathroom and say,
45:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I just left you and say, I want you next to me, I'm right here with this constant.
45:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you all the time around me.
45:22
[SPEAKER_04]: But what I discovered in therapy, a lot of the stuff that I was dealing with was my inner child.
45:26
[SPEAKER_04]: I learned so much about my sister.
45:27
[SPEAKER_04]: That I stopped really getting offended over some of the things that would be happening because I realized like growing up with human parents was divorced and uncoupling something you seeing off me.
45:36
[SPEAKER_04]: Was it something like, I got to walk this road along.
45:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Tune in next week to the love you more show, flat out.