Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Stories from mothers around the world with Ana Tajder | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 2

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Stories from mothers around the world with Ana Tajder | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 2 · Motherhood Uncut

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: Deb Rubin and I, Kate Kripke, started this podcast so that we could bring to the table all things that no one wants to talk about in motherhood.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: Together, both psychotherapists and mothers of teenage daughters, we spent a lot of time, just the two of us, talking about all the stuff that actually shows up behind the scenes in motherhood.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: And we decided it was time that we all join this conversation together.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: So if you're a mom feeling alone, if you're a mom feeling like you could use more information, if you're a mom looking to laugh about the things that are so ridiculous about this job, and quite frankly, if you're a mom needing to cry about the things that are more vulnerable, continuous, and heartbreaking, we've got you.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair, put in your earbuds, grab a cup of coffee, grab a glass of wine, whatever you need, sit down and mother with us.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: Our conversations are gonna be filled with laughter, probably some tears, hopefully some eye-opening insights.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: And between our conversations and the folks that we interview to help us learn a little bit more and grow a little bit more together, we're gonna create a system of mothering that helps us all feel a little bit less alone.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Let us know what you think.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: We've got you.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: This week, Kate and I had such an amazing opportunity to interview Anna Titer.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: She is a mother, a podcaster, an author, a deep wisdom seeker, and we actually just dove in so hard with this woman.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: She has her own podcast called Thank You Mama.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: And we really wanted to bring her onto our podcast to start to expand our wings to moms around the world.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: It's a huge mission for us to really hear the voices of all women.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: And she started to bring that to life.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: So sit back and enjoy the show.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: We absolutely loved her, and I'm quite certain you will too.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: Hey listeners, it's Kate.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: I want to invite you to come on over and find me on Instagram at Kate Kripke, K-A-T-E, K-R-I-P-K-E for daily doses of inspiration, but also really useful strategies and tips and things to think about for those of you who are wanting to lean into more emotional and mental well-being in motherhood.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: Come on over, follow me, have a discussion with me, let me know who you are, introduce yourself, and um I'm always available to answer questions.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: I hope to see you there.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, this is Deb.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: As many of you know by now, I have a huge passion for self-discovery and growth.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: I just adore helping people find their way back to their intuition and increasing their confidence, especially when it comes to connection.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm learning and relearning all the time that when we expand our connection with ourselves, we deeply learn how to connect with our children.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: So my groups, the Mother Daughter Journey, that is what they're all about.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: We're learning how to stay steady and how to help out help our girls feel steady when they are going through such a turbulent transition of adolescence.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: I'll be launching a bunch of new stuff in the fall.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: So if you're not in my newsletter yet, you can do so at motherdaughterjourney.co.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: Sign up there and you'll stay informed and just know what's going on in my world.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: I cannot wait to work with you.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: And cheers to being a mom, being human, being messy.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Have a great summer.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: We're podcasting.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: Happy podcast day.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: Happy podcast day.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: So one thing that we talk about often is well, first is the power of mothers.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's our whole podcast, right?
3:56
SPEAKER_01: It's like loving on the deep wisdom of mothers.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: And one of our biggest themes is how we're more alike than we're different.
4:05
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: And how to celebrate the differences and learn from each other all the time.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: And so we have a really amazing guest with us today.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: We do.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: I actually think she's the guest that has is living the farthest away from us yet in this podcast.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: I think so too.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, we have Anna Tider here, and she's in Austria right now.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: And Anna's gonna tell us all about her work.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: But she started a podcast called Thank You Mama, and it is a global platform that really brings out all the voices of all different women with all different walks of life.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: She is so inspiring and so incredible.
4:46
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited to talk to her today because she's gonna share with us things she's learned, lessons she's learned from women sharing their stories.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: You know what else I love about you, Anna, and your platform, and we'll move over to you in a moment, is that Anna really brings to this table this idea of what we learn from our mothers, right?
5:10
SPEAKER_00: And how, you know, how sometimes we learn things that are really important and we want to carry forward in our lives.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I imagine, Anna, you have stories about this too, that we learn things from our mothers that we'd rather tuck away and not revisit in our own lives, right?
5:27
SPEAKER_00: So it's like the rather.
5:29
SPEAKER_03: But Anna, please take it over.
5:32
SPEAKER_03: Take it over.
5:33
SPEAKER_05: Hi, how I am so excited to be here.
5:37
SPEAKER_05: I am a fan of fan of the podcast, and I want I wrote this to you, but I want to say again, thank you for the episode on sexual abuse.
5:47
SPEAKER_05: I thought I was informed, but this helped even more.
5:51
SPEAKER_05: This I'm I'm already implementing things with my son, and it's it's fantastic.
5:58
SPEAKER_05: It's so useful to us, moms.
6:00
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're so welcome.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for saying that.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: And I love hearing how quickly you're able to implement things.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: I think that is one thing that we really strive to do here when we have these conversations, either when it's just us or interviewing other people, is how can we invite our listeners to take what they're hearing in these episodes and use them immediately, right?
6:26
SPEAKER_05: That's because you you make it so tangible.
6:29
SPEAKER_05: You know, you you're not theorizing on things, it's not some complicated theories out there.
6:35
SPEAKER_05: It really feels very natural, organic, and tangible.
6:39
SPEAKER_05: So we listeners, we listen and we uh we know what to do.
6:44
SPEAKER_05: It's very organic and instinctive.
6:46
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for that feedback.
6:48
SPEAKER_03: Yes, that's so good.
6:49
SPEAKER_03: So tell us about you.
6:53
SPEAKER_05: I am a book author, I and and a journalist, turned podcaster in 2020, in the middle of the lockdown, homeschooling my son, I launched my podcast, which was many years in planning and wishing to do one day.
7:14
SPEAKER_05: And then I was ready a week before the pandemic stroke.
7:18
SPEAKER_05: And the thing was, the question was, do I do this now or not?
7:22
SPEAKER_05: Do I launch or not?
7:23
SPEAKER_05: I was ready.
7:24
SPEAKER_05: But I decided that exactly at that time people were ready for something positive, something that would take their minds off the pandemic.
7:33
SPEAKER_05: And it turned out that it was a good decision.
7:35
SPEAKER_05: It was a great lesson to just go ahead when you see a challenge like that.
7:39
SPEAKER_05: It's like, oh what do I do?
7:42
SPEAKER_05: Do it.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: When you told us a really interesting story before we started recording about why you decided to start this podcast, will you tell our listeners about that impetus initiative?
7:56
SPEAKER_05: I love this story.
7:57
SPEAKER_05: I had an amazing mom.
7:59
SPEAKER_05: We had a beautiful, beautiful relationship.
8:01
SPEAKER_05: I'm an only child, and we were very, very close.
8:05
SPEAKER_05: It was by far not a perfect relationship, and she was not a perfect mom.
8:10
SPEAKER_05: She there were many things she could have done differently, but she gave me what's most important all of her love and support.
8:19
SPEAKER_05: So we we were close, and in 2016, she was diagnosed with lung cancer, which was a big surprise because she was always extremely, extremely healthy and youthful, and nobody would ever think something is wrong.
8:36
SPEAKER_05: And within six weeks of her diagnosis, she passed away, which was very surprising.
8:43
SPEAKER_05: It was very fast.
8:45
SPEAKER_05: And coping with my grief, very soon after she passed away, I had an anxiety attack that I was going to forget everything she taught me and told me and showed me.
8:58
SPEAKER_05: My mom was an amazing woman because she was um very true to herself.
9:06
SPEAKER_05: She had two very successful careers.
9:08
SPEAKER_05: She was an award-winning actress, film actress, but also an award-winning artist working in many different fields.
9:17
SPEAKER_05: She was a feminist, she was an activist, and really a game changer.
9:23
SPEAKER_05: And nowadays I still meet women back home in Croatia, young women who tell me, you know, your mom is my idol.
9:30
SPEAKER_05: And I say, Yeah, and I'm like, you know what?
9:32
SPEAKER_05: She was my idol too.
9:34
SPEAKER_05: How amazing is it when your mom is your idol and idol to other young women?
9:40
SPEAKER_05: So when I lost her, this fear came of I'll forget all of this.
9:46
SPEAKER_05: She gave me so much, she taught me so much.
9:49
SPEAKER_05: And if I forget what she taught me, I will forget her and lose her.
9:53
SPEAKER_05: So I sat down and started maniacally writing, you know, first things she would tell me, and then that turns into things she she taught me and things she modeled to me, and that turned into a book about her and her life through her lessons.
10:09
SPEAKER_05: So while I was working on this and telling my friends what I'm working on, the reaction, women's reaction, was beautiful.
10:19
SPEAKER_05: Women immediately started thinking about what they learned from their moms, and it became very obvious to me that this is such an obvious and such an important topic, but for some strange reason we never think about it, especially not while our mothers are still alive.
10:38
SPEAKER_05: And this is where the idea for the podcast happened.
10:41
SPEAKER_05: Now, because I'm very international, I am originally from Croatia and I lived during the war in Croatia.
10:49
SPEAKER_05: In the 90s, I moved, I escaped to Austria and then built a life in Austria.
10:53
SPEAKER_05: And then I fell in love with my husband, who's half British, half American.
10:57
SPEAKER_05: So I moved to the States where my son was born.
10:59
SPEAKER_05: We lived there for 10 years.
11:01
SPEAKER_05: Now we are back in Europe.
11:03
SPEAKER_05: So I went to an international school, sorry, here in Vienna.
11:08
SPEAKER_05: Um because of that, but also because my mom was always teaching me that you need to have a big picture.
11:16
SPEAKER_05: Whenever I would write my articles for newspapers or my books, she would always remind me you need many different angles, views, dimensions for this to be valuable.
11:27
SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: I just need to say it one more time.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, you need to have a big picture.
11:34
SPEAKER_05: You need to have a big picture.
11:36
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I love your mom.
11:37
SPEAKER_05: I'll never forget.
11:38
SPEAKER_05: I I was writing when I lived in LA, I wrote a story about fancy artisan coffee places.
11:46
SPEAKER_05: And then I went into all these most expensive coffees and where the most expensive coffee in the world comes from, and you know, things like that.
11:54
SPEAKER_05: And mom read the first draft, and she said she always she was my best editor.
11:59
SPEAKER_05: And she read it, she's like, This is brilliant, it's fantastic, but it's missing something.
12:03
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, what is it?
12:04
SPEAKER_05: She's like, it's missing all the farmers, you know, in third world countries who are growing this coffee.
12:10
SPEAKER_05: And she would always do something like that.
12:12
SPEAKER_05: She would always make sure that I cover a big picture and always remind me.
12:17
SPEAKER_05: It's not your thoughts, are not, it's it all doesn't have so much value if it's seen through a very, very tunnel vision.
12:25
SPEAKER_05: So this is why from the beginning on, I knew that if I do this, I want to do do it properly and cover mothers and motherhood and women's lives literally globally and cover the world.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: It's just amazing.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: I actually was speaking, I'm like, I want to write down everything my mother taught me.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: And she's my idol, and I just you're so inspiring me right now.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: I I literally am gonna leave this podcast and go sit by the river and write.
12:58
SPEAKER_05: Well, you better get ready because when you come as guests of my podcast, I hope you will share some of these lessons with my listeners.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: My mom passed away seven years ago, so just a little bit before yours.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: And she had earliest Alzheimer's when she died, and then she died suddenly.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's interesting as I'm watching myself think as you're talking about this.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like my mom's capacity to remember what she had taught me throughout her life went away as her her memory went away, as her brain changed.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's really useful to, I mean, I think both Devonite, this is our favorite part of interviewing people, is we're like, wow, I hadn't thought about that.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Like that comes up.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: But it's sort of like the end of my mom's life was so plagued by pain for me that I want to go back and write those things down.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: Just as part, you know, grief.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: You I'm sure you know, you when your mom passes away, it's so disorientating that the waves of grief come in different ways, even six to seven years after they've passed away.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: But this is such a good exercise, I think it is for anybody.
14:14
SPEAKER_05: Anybody, anybody.
14:16
SPEAKER_05: And I started last summer, I started writing creative writing workshops because I am a writer by profession, um on this topic.
14:25
SPEAKER_05: Thank you, Mama, writing workshops here in Vienna.
14:29
SPEAKER_05: And uh we sit down and write about this and discuss it in the group.
14:35
SPEAKER_05: So we go step by step and write about our mothers' lives and then about their lessons and what we wish they taught us and what's still missing.
14:43
SPEAKER_05: I'm always when I'm doing this in person with with my uh ladies in the workshop.
14:49
SPEAKER_05: We always one of the most important topics is how can we mother ourselves?
14:53
SPEAKER_05: What is still missing?
14:54
SPEAKER_05: What do I want to keep from what my mom had taught me?
14:58
SPEAKER_05: What do I want to dismiss?
14:59
SPEAKER_05: And what is still missing, and how I can can I give it to myself.
15:03
SPEAKER_05: So, what's interesting talking about grief is how helpful this process is.
15:09
SPEAKER_05: My the the the women come out of these workshops, and I have I have two fans who are still, it's been a year and something, and every few months they write me emails.
15:18
SPEAKER_05: They're like, This is this has changed my life, you know.
15:22
SPEAKER_05: Um, starting to think and write about this.
15:25
SPEAKER_05: It's important.
15:25
SPEAKER_05: It's important.
15:26
SPEAKER_05: We have to we have to accept and understand where we come from in order to heal and feel whole, you know.
15:35
SPEAKER_05: And our mothers is such a big part of that.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: You know, I run these mother-daughter workshops, and um did you freeze?
15:44
SPEAKER_01: No, okay, and um and one and my work I have circles of moms, and one of the first questions I ask is what are the early messages we receive from our mothers and what are the prerequisites of our own worthiness that we receive from so that we can own that, really honor it, understand that it's generational, passed down, that we are absorbing so many things that are we we are living so many things that are not just ours, right?
16:14
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: Your point, then when we start to have a relationship with it, we get to actually have agency of what we want to bring into this relationship.
16:22
SPEAKER_05: Exactly, exactly.
16:23
SPEAKER_05: And for this, we need to.
16:25
SPEAKER_05: This is why my guests, I always ask my guests first and foremost to talk about their mothers' lives, because I think it's very important we understand where our mothers come from.
16:38
SPEAKER_05: And then before it's easy to judge, you know, it's so easy to judge, and and we need to understand where it all comes from and it puts everything into perspective.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Anna, before we dive into some of the really beautiful insights that you're gonna share with us that you've learned from all these mothers that you've interviewed around the world, you had an incredible statistic that you shared with us before we hit record about how many interviews you've done and how many different countries the the these interviews, the women in these interviews have come from.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: Can you share that with our listeners?
17:13
SPEAKER_00: Because talk about big picture.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: That just realizes the the beautiful narratives you're going to share with us.
17:21
SPEAKER_05: You know, for me, the statistics are great, but when you start um when I start listing the countries, it's even more exciting.
17:30
SPEAKER_05: So I yeah, so I've published, I think, 118 episodes at this moment.
17:36
SPEAKER_05: I have recorded 100, at least, I think 130 in total.
17:41
SPEAKER_05: And I have women from 60 different countries.
17:45
SPEAKER_05: And maybe it doesn't sound that that that big, but when you think about the fact that there are 140, 140 countries, approximately maybe 142, I forgot, registered with United Nations as countries.
18:01
SPEAKER_05: And when you think about the fact that there are many countries that overlap in their culture, some of them are in Africa, for instance, which has I forgot 30 something or even more.
18:14
SPEAKER_05: 60 countries is a lot.
18:16
SPEAKER_05: So, you know, I have women from Nepal, from Burma, from Tanzania, from uh Sri Lanka, from you name it, I have it.
18:29
SPEAKER_05: And that's really, really beautiful.
18:32
SPEAKER_05: This is what, as we spoke before we press record, this is what I dreamt this podcast would become one day.
18:39
SPEAKER_05: Like really a global platform, and it has become at this at this stage.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Amazing.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: And will you tell us how it got its name?
18:49
SPEAKER_05: The cute story.
18:52
SPEAKER_05: So I had a list of names, and then I did a little market research with my friends, and everybody very uh uh quickly chose Mama said.
19:03
SPEAKER_05: Everybody thought Mama said was just the best name, and that was it.
19:08
SPEAKER_05: And I already designed it and I already decided on Mama said, but somehow it did not sit with me.
19:15
SPEAKER_05: So I took my three favorites and I forgot the third, but I took my three favorites and asked my son, who was four or five back then, and I said, Kai, I would you help me choose a name?
19:29
SPEAKER_05: And I gave him these names and told him what the podcast is about, and he immediately said, Thank you, mama.
19:36
SPEAKER_05: And he would said it with so much assurance that I had to ask, Why are you so sure?
19:41
SPEAKER_05: How why would you feel so strongly about this?
19:44
SPEAKER_05: And I'll never forget the little voice who said, Because it's so full of emotion.
19:51
SPEAKER_05: So Kai named the podcast.
19:53
SPEAKER_05: I couldn't say no.
19:54
SPEAKER_05: Who can say no to that?
19:57
SPEAKER_05: It's the ultimate truth, you know.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Why do we it's also what we need to hear all the time, just to make it totally blunt?
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, we need to hear that.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: We don't always hear the thank you.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: It's so true.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: So it's true.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: The thank you goes a long way.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, will you take us into some of your narrative, some of the information you've learned?
20:21
SPEAKER_00: And I know that you could go a million different directions.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: So I would love for you to just share some of your favorite points of you know what you have learned from these women that you've interviewed.
20:35
SPEAKER_05: Um my absolutely favorite point that which is something we do not discuss in the interviews, but something I took for myself out of all of these interviews, is that and it's I know it sounds kitschy, I don't like it that it sounds kitschy, but I don't know how to put it in a different way.
20:55
SPEAKER_05: But we are one.
20:57
SPEAKER_05: We are one.
20:58
SPEAKER_05: And and what's fascinating to me, and it took me quite many interviews, very different interviews, to understand this and feel this, is that women's lives go through this certain similar um route, and there is a similar pattern which is disguised.
21:20
SPEAKER_05: We don't see it at first because it's disguised by the outside things, you know.
21:25
SPEAKER_05: Of course, women from Kenya, farmers in Kenya live a much poorer life.
21:31
SPEAKER_05: Um, I even heard stories about witch hunt.
21:35
SPEAKER_05: Sorry.
21:37
SPEAKER_05: Um, but when you remove these outside things, you see how women's lives go through very similar phases and patterns, and how we are all facing very similar challenges, even though they're they they happen in different circumstances.
21:55
SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, I have a little problem with my thoughts.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
22:00
SPEAKER_05: real here we show up uncut here on motherhood uncut so um this was for me really eye-opening and it made me feel what I think my mother has always felt felt she was a very big feminist is that we are a sisterhood you know all over the world we are more connected through our experience life experience and experience of being a woman than men are through the experience of being a man because it's so specific being a woman woman's life and it makes me a little sad that we're not more aware of that I wish now that I learned and saw all of this and witnessed it I wish we were more aware of this and felt this bond and this immense power that we have as women I wish we felt it stronger.
23:00
SPEAKER_05: I agree when you say that the women in general go through a similar pattern in their lives can you say more about that what what is the pattern that you have recognized through all these interviews um what's really interesting it always starts with with you know some form or other of emancipating ourselves and and and finding the real us and finding the strength in in us um no matter the circumstances but of course some you know some circumstances are harder i had i had moms stories about moms from rural turkey who weren't allowed to go to school for instance so it always starts with this positioning ourselves as women and as valuable members of society in any kind of society um and then it goes through figuring out this thing about husbands and families and and and children and motherhood and then it enters caring for others you know there's always this phase in our lives where we carry care for others we be it our our children our spouses our parents care for others and then then this beautiful second stage or third act which which I hear from many many of my my guests I hear my mom has never been as happy I hear this amazing and this is one of the most important lessons this is on my list of most one of the most important lessons um that it's never too late and that women are often once they've done done it all they enter often this phase of being very very this happy third act which is very very empowering I have a sort of a specific question for you and I don't think it's going to take us too off track but one of the things that Deb and I talk so much about in our own individual work but also in our podcast is the way in which women are raised by their own mothers or society or culture to take care as you said to sort of project attention and energy outward and how problematic that can be for our health and wellness, whether it's mental or physical health and wellness and I guess I'm curious in your conversations how has the that question come up as far the question being what would it be like for you mother woman to turn the focus back on yourself so that you can care for yourself enough to care for all of these other people that you're tending to is that a topic that's come up for you and what have you learned from women all around the world with respect to this?
26:12
SPEAKER_05: This is one of the most important lessons that I have on my list that I'd like to share with you about of the the most important lessons that mothers around the world teach their daughters.
26:24
SPEAKER_05: One of them it's interesting um one of them is kindness many many women mention kindness and this kindness is tricky because kindness is kindness and helping those in need and taking care of those in need but also tends for us women to border on self-sacrifice.
26:44
SPEAKER_05: Yes you know and and it's very very I had this discussion with my husband it I I personally think looking at my mom and me and listening to all these in interviews I think it's not only what we learn from our mothers I think this is something innate it's something that is biological women are nurturers and we feel tend to feel responsible for the well-being of everybody and everything I'm became the mom of my son's hamster somehow around us.
27:21
SPEAKER_05: So and women in my interviews talk about this often especially about their moms and these older generations and they mentioned one of the the interview before the last the lady said something in the sense of watching my mom always take care of others she never learned to prioritize herself yes and then I uh always ask my my guests at the end of the interview which turned out to be a super important question what do you wish your mom had taught you what is something that's missing something you had to learn yourself and one of the top things that come first is self-care so so women do talk a lot a lot about this this duality of being kind and caring of others which we have biological in ourselves but also learn from our mothers uh and I'm sorry but I think we're really through generations and thousands of years we just taught our environment to expect this this is how we are treated as mom is gonna take care of it.
28:33
SPEAKER_05: And this need that we have the new generations have recognized to to step on a break and sometimes take care of ourselves and and my guests often say I wish my mom modeled for me what self-care means yes very rarely I think in the last interview my guest said you know my mom knew how to take a break she would finish lunch or do stuff and then she would say no I'm going to lie down for 20 minutes and she would just lie down and take you know it's it's also interesting to learn that it doesn't have to be some big things.
29:07
SPEAKER_05: You don't need to go to a yoga class and I don't know meditate for five hours.
29:11
SPEAKER_05: It's just these little breaks where mom says you know what I'll just go for a little walk for five minutes.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: You know this we have to model that to our our daughters I couldn't say more I think that um you're talking about this biological instinct around you know caretaking I also think it's some pretty intense patriarchal systemic sex that is like deeply ingrained in women to caretake but also it silences us.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: And there's also this messaging of big emotions are you know back, right?
29:48
SPEAKER_01: For women to have big feelings, big emotions.
29:50
SPEAKER_01: So then when we bring it into the mother child or mother-daughter relationship it there almost becomes this competition of who gets to have a bigger voice.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's why big emotions can sometimes be really intimidating or threatening for someone a mother that didn't get to have that.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: Actually when you're talking about self-care it makes me think so much about when a woman really embodies and models it and it and it and a child learns how to do that for themselves there's not a competition there around how to care for themselves.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: There's enough room for everyone to care for themselves, right?
30:31
SPEAKER_01: So that's just and the other thing I was thinking is when you were saying this bond that you wish people could see the bond more and it's such a conflict of the cultural messaging of inadequacy and competition between women that that is that is the ultimate conflict I think of how we see women in general and to lean in towards bond wait the conflict being what that we are deeply messaged inadequacy and competition.
30:59
SPEAKER_05: Fit in and offer not only that but I think this that would makes us women or this female energy you know this nurturing taking care cooperating uh creating without destroying all of this has been silenced for thousands of years.
31:28
SPEAKER_05: I would I just returned from a trip in in uh greece we went we went all around Greece and looked at the ancient sites and it was really said to me I knew I kind of you learn it in school and you know it but once you're there and learn how women in Greece uh were secondhand citizens you know because everything in the Greek art this ancient Greek art is so full of women and they have these female goddesses so you think but no women were were secondhand citizens it's so old in in all cultures not only our European culture I think that um we are we are this something that we could bond through has been silenced we were we were supposed to be embarrassed it wasn't it didn't matter it didn't have any value and it was supposed to be silenced and hidden and and I'm very very hopeful that it that the world is changing and that it will become more female in its in its philosophy and values and that this will help women to bond better as well through projects like you are doing and I'm doing you know to to recognize this this beautiful bond and sisterhood and inspire and empower each other it sounds like a again something we hear so often but it's true.
32:45
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Anna can you share with us um some insight you've learned about a um a piece of feedback or a comment that I have heard often in my work which is this idea that self-care is a privilege that the capacity you know I think that term self-care has gotten really a commercial and I think there is sort of a sense I've gotten in some of the larger conversations I've had about how it can feel sort of dismissive or um condescending to be using that term because there's this idea of like with what time?
33:32
SPEAKER_00: I have no resources I have no support how can I engage in this idea of taking care of myself I want to turn that on its head because I think you mentioned something earlier about how it's the little things.
33:44
SPEAKER_05: It is not the things exactly exactly some stories or insight or things that you've learned about what it can what quote unquote self-care or caring for ourselves can look like in these other parts of the world one of my oh this interview is not published yet I have a beautiful interview with a lady who is a nutritional biologist and she is from India and she um she has a cookbook about introducing spices to her children to kids which is super interesting so I spoke to her and she inspired me because I I just talked to her a few days ago and she told me about her mom.
34:29
SPEAKER_05: She's one of these rare guests who say my mom taught me self-care and we started talking about this and I agree with you unfortunately self-care got so tainted with going to yoga classes and Tracy Anderson and having your nails done and going to a spa and all of these things and and it's not good because it does feel privileged it shouldn't and she said you know my mom my mom would do everything and prepare everything and as I'm I as I just mentioned she would and then she would say I need 15 minutes to lie down and then mom would go to her room and close the door and lie down and that was just the most normal you know accepted thing or mom goes mom goes for walks still mom is in her 80s now every single day she goes for these big big big walks um after she's done with all the work and everything in early evening she just leaves the house and goes for a walk by herself to put her thoughts together and exercise and um I and one of my first interviews is also a mom from India and her mom always meditated.
35:42
SPEAKER_05: So it doesn't have to be privileged you know this mom is a Buddhist and she was a stay-at-home mom and she's meditated her whole life and she also still exercises in her she must be in her 90s or already and she does this little exercises every day like a few minutes she meditates and does a view of these exercises and it doesn't have to be a big thing I think we all have to I think it's more the attitude than it is what you do totally with your self-care even if you're if you decide I don't know for me sometimes self-care is reading my gossip magazines you know uh whatever you decide that will help you center and recharge and and rejuvenate it doesn't have to be big things and for me personally these big things even drain more energy out of me if I have to go to a spy it's a big project for a little five minute walk is you know what I hear you saying is that there is a common capacity to make room for ourselves in our lives regardless of where we live or what our resources happening in our external environment that is yeah and what what I think the what really matters again is the attitude it's not what we do it's this attitude of I need this I I need this whatever it is even if it's I don't know a whatever it is a cup of tea i mom needs this and I'm gonna give this give this to myself and you guys just put on pause for this few minutes I think it's the attitude a theme I see along about from moms a lot is holding in your pee it is simplest saying but I actually want to like put it out there for all mamas every time you stop what you're doing to go empty your bladder yeah put yourself a little pat on the shoulder because we will go so long and that I think is it sounds so strange but it's a self-care it's like I'm gonna listen to my body and stuff but here's some like here's a question for you guys and you know I I'm it's interesting I had this close relationship to my mom and now I have this podcast about women and I'm a mother of a son um and it's interesting for me to try to implement what I'm learning with a son because now all of these interviews made me aware of what am I modeling to my son and I'm always thinking of his future wife.
38:21
SPEAKER_05: You know I'm like how is what I am doing and modeling to him going to impact one or more women's lives one day so I'm I'm trying to teach him to treat women that women you know I'm trying to make him understand or see that women need these things and this is the most so my question for you is do you think self-care is for instance telling your husband today you are emptying the dishwasher or you know I'm just I've done this and that you empty the dishwasher or tomorrow you are bringing the car to the service or you know maybe this is also self-care what do you think 100% I think my favorite things in our house and we have older girls right now is I'm like oh your turn.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's self-care like matter of fact yes it's it that's self-care I'm teaching Kai to roll his socks and put his laundry in the you know and for me this is self-care and sometimes it feels terrible because of course he doesn't want to do it but I'm like no he needs to learn it now he's eight and he should I would add a little missing piece to that for me is to for me the self-care isn't necessarily saying you will empty the dishwasher today it's me saying I will not I will not do this yes I agree with that self-care is like choosing what I am and am not willing to do yes because I think that is I I you said something a moment ago that made me think of this I think as women we tend to feel we tend to have a hard time receiving exactly give and give and give but we we don't always receive and to me that statement I am not going to empty the dishwasher today I'm gonna take myself on a walk instead of emptying the dishwasher is a way of saying I'm gonna back to our general point I'm gonna receive myself it's less about giving directions yeah exactly about taking space well and it's modeling and it's modeling much more to witnessing someone doing something than being told what to do.
40:30
SPEAKER_05: That's right my favorite little self-care is my husband sometimes text me is like or calls me is like have you had any thoughts about dinner tonight and the self-care moment is like you know what no I didn't did you so our time is going so quickly oh my god we didn't even share the lesson well actually will you take the last we're gonna stop interrupting you and you share with us one of your most powerful lessons or stories whatever feels the most important to you right now I want to share so much both lessons and stories but let's start with lessons because I think it's it it can be inspiring for for your listeners.
41:16
SPEAKER_05: So um uh what the the most when I ask women the most important things and now again these are women from all over the world it's interesting one of the first things they say is resilience.
41:32
SPEAKER_05: I don't know if we women are aware without hearing that how resilient we are I wish we knew I wish we knew this better how our daughters see us because women talk about their mothers' lives and challenges and say that they learn resilience from their moms.
41:50
SPEAKER_05: Another thing they learn is hard work.
41:55
SPEAKER_05: And what really where the light went on for me is one of my guests said you know I learned from my mom that hard work is an act of feminism.
42:05
SPEAKER_05: How interesting is that um resilience and hard work and as one of my guests said also hard work as an important um way for feeling oh oh my god I'm missing the word self-confident um another interesting thing and this is something that mothers very consciously start try to teach their daughters no matter where in the world and what kind of circumstances they lived in is to be independent.
42:39
SPEAKER_05: Mothers really want to teach their daughters to be independent to get their education to have a profession to be financially practically emotionally just be independent and just recently I I noticed patterns in my circle of friends and with myself and with some of my my guests um how unfortunate it is that sometimes this independence keeps generations and I had a very interesting conversation with an American author uh Ruth Nolan one of maybe the last episode and I asked her this because she she had a mom who was a stay-at-home mom and very very dependent on her husband and then Ruth was completely independent she said nobody ever paid my bills in my life and nobody ever will but now her daughter is married with children and dependent on on the husband so we talked about why independence sometimes skips generations i it's it's a very interesting thing and Ruth said you know because I saw what it means to be dependent on a husband on a husband I saw my mom witness my mom and how she didn't have a say and what it means.
43:50
SPEAKER_05: So of course I did everything to be independent my daughter saw how hard I worked and how difficult it was to be independent and maybe she thinks you know I can a Myself a little, that's something an interesting food for thought.
44:04
SPEAKER_05: It is definitely um mothers often teach their daughters to accept how unique they are, and this is beautiful.
44:14
SPEAKER_05: Mothers tell their daughters do not compare yourself with others, you are unique.
44:20
SPEAKER_05: Find that what you are, that unique something, and cherish that and develop that and rely on that and accept it.
44:28
SPEAKER_05: Uh, what else?
44:29
SPEAKER_05: What else?
44:30
SPEAKER_05: We talked about kindness and love and taking care of others, which can be a double-edged sword.
44:36
SPEAKER_05: And here comes one of my favorite lessons, which I learned from my mom as well.
44:40
SPEAKER_05: But I heard it so often, it's never too late.
44:44
SPEAKER_05: Never too late.
44:45
SPEAKER_05: And and mothers do not teach this in words or intentionally, but women witness this, and it's beautiful to see.
44:55
SPEAKER_05: And here come some anecdotes.
44:57
SPEAKER_05: You asked for stories.
44:59
SPEAKER_05: I I I had a uh a guest from China.
45:04
SPEAKER_05: Her mom was uh um worked in uh in a factory sewing baby clothes her whole life, which you can imagine how hard it is.
45:14
SPEAKER_05: But then she was 55 when she decided she's gonna open her own store for baby clothes.
45:20
SPEAKER_05: And to do this, she did it.
45:22
SPEAKER_05: And to do this, she had to travel, I think once a week, she had to take a night bus and travel to the next big city to get things from there.
45:31
SPEAKER_05: And she would travel for like 12 hours on the bus every week and come back with this new supply and things at 50 something, you know, and she made herself independent and fulfilled her dream of being a business owner.
45:45
SPEAKER_05: And I had another beautiful story of an American mom who was always a stay-at-home mom, and the dad passed away very surprisingly.
45:55
SPEAKER_05: The mom was already mid-60s, and she decided the dad was running a very successful business.
46:02
SPEAKER_05: And the mom is like, I'm just gonna take over.
46:04
SPEAKER_05: And she learned, she learned in her 60s how to run a business, and she became she became the CEO of this business.
46:12
SPEAKER_05: So these stories of it's never too late, and then I hear often about divorces, which are so painful, but how women recuperate and come back to their happiness and to their real selves.
46:25
SPEAKER_05: And I hear so often my mom was never happier than now, you know, and that that's that's very, very beautiful.
46:32
SPEAKER_05: Now I have to look into my hard work.
46:35
SPEAKER_00: Can I pause you for just a moment?
46:36
SPEAKER_00: Because I want to give a little shout out to my mother-in-law because you're just making me think of her.
46:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, she lives in in Ohio and she is mid-70s, and her husband, my father-in-law, is not able or interested to do travel right now.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: And my mother-in-law loves travel and exploring herself herself in the world, and she's an artist, and she is taking off on all of these trips all by herself.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: And so we love you, Stacy.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: We love you, Stacy.
47:09
SPEAKER_00: Little shout out to Stacy.
47:10
SPEAKER_00: Hi, Stacy.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: You're making me think of her.
47:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry to interrupt.
47:14
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
47:15
SPEAKER_00: It's never too late.
47:17
SPEAKER_00: It's never too late.
47:17
SPEAKER_05: That was my never too late.
47:19
SPEAKER_05: It's never too late, and and it's never too late to start anew, to do what you always wanted, or just simply to be happy, you know, to be happy.
47:29
SPEAKER_05: It's never too late.
47:30
SPEAKER_05: This is this is, and I've learned this from my mom.
47:33
SPEAKER_05: My mom reinvented herself in her 60s as well, uh, and went back into limelight.
47:40
SPEAKER_05: She she made her own first movie.
47:43
SPEAKER_05: She became a movie maker after she was an actress for so long, after a long break, and this movie started winning awards, and she started traveling to international film festivals.
47:54
SPEAKER_05: And suddenly in her mid-60s, she was standing in limelight again.
48:00
SPEAKER_05: And she said in all these last interviews, she said, I've never been happier than now.
48:04
SPEAKER_05: And it was true, she was never happier than in her 60s, really.
48:09
SPEAKER_05: But anyway, so I and then as I mentioned, I always ask women, oh, and another important thing is faith.
48:16
SPEAKER_05: And faith in any shape or form.
48:19
SPEAKER_05: Women very often mention how how that influenced and and how important it is to them, even even if they're not practicing the same faith, um, just seeing and witnessing this faith into something that's bigger than us, and and knowing that we are safe and guided, and you know, feeling protected.
48:43
SPEAKER_05: I think that's that's what it's about.
48:47
SPEAKER_05: And then when asking what women wish, and this is so important, what women wish they they learned.
48:53
SPEAKER_05: Um here comes self-confidence, which is kind of many women mention as something their mothers tried teaching them, and they really women really appreciate this.
49:06
SPEAKER_05: We have to do this for our children.
49:08
SPEAKER_05: There's this is something they always put as number one is my mother told me you just have to believe in yourself and you can do it, and nothing stands in your way except you, yourself, and you are amazing.
49:20
SPEAKER_05: This building confidence, but then it's interesting, it also slips to the list of something I wish I learned because they also say but you can't learn self-confidence from others.
49:32
SPEAKER_05: This is it's interesting, uh something we appreciate to hear from our moms, but it's also not teachable in that that way.
49:42
SPEAKER_05: Um sex in our bodies.
49:46
SPEAKER_05: As one of my first guests said, you know, if my mom taught me, I wouldn't have to go through so much painful trial and error, and this is so true.
49:56
SPEAKER_05: And women said, I understand that my mom didn't know it herself, that maybe she was embarrassed, then maybe she she just this wasn't a topic she felt comfortable with.
50:07
SPEAKER_05: But if she only gave me, I have no idea a book, a brochure, if she only told me where to get my information, that would already be be um extremely helpful.
50:23
SPEAKER_05: Women feel very left, let left alone out there with this.
50:28
SPEAKER_05: Um and our bodies and accepting our bodies, I think that comes hand in hand, accepting our bodies the way they are.
50:37
SPEAKER_05: Um self-care, which we also talked about.
50:42
SPEAKER_05: So important.
50:43
SPEAKER_05: Let's model this to our children.
50:46
SPEAKER_05: Um I think this is these are the most important topics women talk about.
50:51
SPEAKER_01: That is an incredible list.
50:53
SPEAKER_01: And it is the expression that just keeps on happening.
50:56
SPEAKER_01: So it's so validating to hear you speak about it from all over the world.
51:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it also bringing me back to this place of trust that these are all very like uh tangible, doable, uh, you know, benchmarks or goals or whatever we want to call them of things to kind of do, to practice, to connect with others, to model, to teach all of those things.
51:24
SPEAKER_01: It's right there.
51:24
SPEAKER_01: It's an incredible thing.
51:26
SPEAKER_00: Anna, I am so excited to go listen to your podcast because I think one of the things that you're sort of tying it all together in this neat little bow.
51:38
SPEAKER_00: And of course, I'm imagining that someone in Tanzania or China or India or where somewhere in Europe, you know, wherever it is, could be talking about the same themes that I think about and talk about in my own little bubble here, but would talk about it in such little nuanced ways based on that person's experience and that person's culture and that person's environment, that I would, it's almost like that's that both and like we're all so interconnected, we all think about and go through the same things, and there are so many nuances that we can learn from, right?
52:19
SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited to jump on your podcast and listen.
52:23
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
52:25
SPEAKER_01: Tell us um where our listeners can find you.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: Let it all hang out right here.
52:30
SPEAKER_05: Um, the podcast is called Thank You Mama.
52:34
SPEAKER_05: Um, they can find me on social media everywhere.
52:38
SPEAKER_05: If you look for thank you, mama, you will find me.
52:41
SPEAKER_05: My second name, there's only one titer in the world.
52:45
SPEAKER_05: This is interesting with T-A-J-D-E-R.
52:49
SPEAKER_05: So um, I'm sure you you can put links in the episode notes, but there's one Anna Titer out there.
52:55
SPEAKER_05: So, and I'm I'm I'm everywhere on social and always very excited to connect.
53:00
SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, I have a website called titer.com with all this fun information, and I'm very excited to connect.
53:09
SPEAKER_00: Can I ask you two final questions?
53:12
SPEAKER_00: We ask, of course.
53:14
SPEAKER_00: My first question is back to this.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, you could answer this two ways, but back to this idea of self-care, right?
53:22
SPEAKER_00: Or self-connection.
53:24
SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
53:26
SPEAKER_00: What is your practice in coming back to yourself as an author and an entrepreneur and a mother and a traveler, all these things?
53:34
SPEAKER_00: How do you how do you come back to yourself, Anna?
53:37
SPEAKER_05: I meditate every morning, and that's really important for me.
53:41
SPEAKER_05: I've been doing this for many, many years.
53:43
SPEAKER_05: I discovered Tai Chi in 2000, I think, and that saved my life, that practice.
53:49
SPEAKER_05: Uh, I used to dance ballet and yoga, do yoga until very recently, but now my orthopedic doctors say maybe I have to step on a and that breaks my heart.
54:02
SPEAKER_05: But now I'm back to Tai Chi, which really, really helps.
54:06
SPEAKER_05: This is this is beautiful exercise for both body and mine.
54:09
SPEAKER_05: And every time I come out of the class, I'm just I'm a different person.
54:14
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I can see I love my tea.
54:17
SPEAKER_05: I really and my tea is my little ceremony in the morning.
54:20
SPEAKER_05: I drink my cup of matcha, which I prepare with a little thing, you know, it's it's this little ceremony.
54:26
SPEAKER_05: And in the afternoon after lunch, I always have my beautiful uh Earl Grey.
54:31
SPEAKER_05: I always I love buying tea and I like enjoying tea, and I have beautiful honey that I put in there, and these are these little tiny, you know, things that matter to me.
54:42
SPEAKER_05: I since I moved back to Vienna, I started doing solitaire when I have time.
54:49
SPEAKER_05: Sometimes, sometimes I such as the boat.
54:51
SPEAKER_05: My husband and my son play video games or something, and I sit down and I have real cards and I have a cup of tea, and I take these few minutes and I just play solitaire.
55:02
SPEAKER_03: Image that is I play solitaire.
55:05
SPEAKER_03: You do?
55:06
SPEAKER_03: I never do that about you.
55:09
SPEAKER_03: I totally play solitaire.
55:10
SPEAKER_03: It's like a thing.
55:12
SPEAKER_03: Mothers across the world are doing the same thing.
55:15
SPEAKER_05: Isn't it?
55:15
SPEAKER_05: Doesn't it feel extremely luxurious?
55:18
SPEAKER_05: Like to me, I just rediscovered it.
55:20
SPEAKER_05: I used to do it many years ago, but now it just feels this cup of tea and this solitaire, it just feels like oh my god, this is amazing.
55:28
SPEAKER_05: Honestly, I love going for walks.
55:30
SPEAKER_05: I love nature and I got love going for walks.
55:33
SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
55:33
SPEAKER_00: Here's my final question for you.
55:37
SPEAKER_00: First of all, you're like a specialist in all these little ways of taking care of yourself.
55:42
SPEAKER_00: So I'm hoping some of our listeners can inherit some of those, which sort of goes to my next question.
55:46
SPEAKER_00: You have a son, you have a podcast called Thank You Mama.
55:50
SPEAKER_00: We talk a lot about how important mama mentors are for us.
55:55
SPEAKER_00: What is one or two pieces of wisdom advice that you could pass along to the women who are listening to this episode?
56:13
SPEAKER_05: Um these are things I learned from my mom, and something I'm trying to teach my son.
56:18
SPEAKER_05: And if I could choose, I would teach everybody in the world um to love life and to learn to appreciate to appreciate life, to not take life for granted, to not take health for granted, to not take blue skies for granted, to not take having a roof over your head for granted, you know, to really appreciate this for thankfully for us, everyday things, you know.
56:45
SPEAKER_05: And I walk down the street with Kai and I I tell him, look at these beautiful flowers.
56:50
SPEAKER_05: This aren't these amazing.
56:51
SPEAKER_05: I'm trying to teach him to find enchantment and magic in just pure existence and just the fact that we are life, that nothing hurts, that we have food in our bellies.
57:04
SPEAKER_05: And you know, I this is something I learned from my mom, and I would really like to teach him.
57:10
SPEAKER_05: And if I think if we all learned this and practice this more, the world be a did would be a different place.
57:18
SPEAKER_01: That was a beautiful way to end this conversation.
57:22
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Anna.
57:24
SPEAKER_01: This has been incredible.
57:25
SPEAKER_01: And keep up your amazing work in the world.
57:27
SPEAKER_01: You are really impacting people everywhere you go.
57:31
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
57:32
SPEAKER_05: Thank you so much.
57:34
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Anna.
57:35
SPEAKER_03: Have a good day.
57:36
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
57:36
SPEAKER_05: This was so fun.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you guys, it's Kate.
57:42
SPEAKER_00: We really hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
57:44
SPEAKER_00: And if you did, go ahead and share it with a friend.
57:47
SPEAKER_00: It also would mean the world to me and Deb if you would take a minute and write a review.
57:52
SPEAKER_00: If this podcast makes you laugh, makes you cry in the best of ways, helps you feel less alone, gives you information that's useful to you in your mothering journey.
58:01
SPEAKER_00: If you write a review, it will make this more accessible to other mothers like you.
58:05
SPEAKER_00: So take a minute.
58:06
SPEAKER_00: We'd be so grateful.
58:08
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.