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Childhood Trauma · 4 The Exchange

• Kobi: Back again with the next segment with Photo Exchange. We got Mr. Big by himself, Gofredo. We got Later Don and we got Kev. And today we are talking about does childhood trauma affect how you are as an adult today? We're gonna start with Gofredo. GoFredo: Most definitely. Hey, I ain't gonna lie to you. Y'all been hearing me say that for ages. I've been saying that for ages. Ever since I took I ain't gonna lie to you, ever since I took psychology and college. Psychology. Yeah, psychology in college. It made me think of that more to make me think to myself that people childhood trauma do dictate how they move with friendships, relationships, how they manage money, livelihood, even just they mental sanity itself. all that stems from them being whatever trauma they seen growing up. Like I noticed that and this is so bad to say, but this is true. Like you see men and women that see their parents get abused throughout life and then they think that that's basically what love is moving forward. And then all of a sudden they go through that same thing and w you know you ever had your friends you sitting there looking like, man, why can't they just seem to understand that this person not good for It's because they seen their parents, they uncles and they big sisters or big brothers go through that same type of trauma. Or and then it not even just relationship, money wise, you know. How many people in our community spend money on jewelry, cars, all that other stuff that you, you know, that's not necessities but you want and you blow money fast on it. And it's it stems from your childhood as a trauma of maybe not having nothing and now you finally get you some money and now you just blowin because you think you want things that you see on TV or anything of that nature. So I definitely fully, fully agree that your childhood trauma dictates how your mindset is and how you move as you get over. Until you goes back to what we talked about in the earlier episodes, until you get healed and you go through your mental process and you understand that, you know, you gotta let all that stuff go and look to see what's better for yourself. But what about you, Lei, what do you think? LayTheDon: I would say yes, childhood trauma does shape you as an adult, but when I when you say trauma, not all trauma is the same. some people view drama differently. So you got some trauma where you're like people you're thinking about like your parents get watching your parents and you know, older siblings getting abused, etcetera, et cetera. But you also gotta think about like the trauma. For example, you got all the older siblings that also had to be parents at one point because of the fact that they had to be, you know, the the head of of of the siblings while parents were taking care of business and some of them lost out on their own childhood having to act as the parent in that situation. And for some people and that could be real traumatic because it's like I'm a kid. I wasn't, you know, I didn't I didn't choose to be here. I didn't choose to be, you know, my babysitter for all my l young siblings. I want to go do what I want to go do. So it's like a sometimes just I can say me personally as an ad as the adult oldest child in my family, That type of trauma actually does happen quite often. And it's like, how do you move on with life, especially as the oldest child, when you had to deal with so much being the oldest child and then having to go in and find help and and fix things yourself when all you've learned how or even ask for help when all you've all was taught was how to do it by yourself. GoFredo: I gotta b before we let Kevin Kobe go, I wanna ask a question to you late because you kinda talked about that briefly on I think it was episode three, I if I'm not mistaken on episode two. But you briefly talked about like basically being a parent, like growing up and raising like your little brothers and being that that role model for them growing up and then essentially you learn to, you know, handle your business on your own. So when you kinda get into relationships it's harder to kinda, you know take that step back and wanna do that. So do you think that a lot of that stems from essentially like at a very young age being a role model? LayTheDon: Yes. One hundred percent. even to this day, like I still have those same siblings that I have under me still depend on me sometimes more than the parents themselves because not saying that's all they know, but that's that's the closest to them they know. Like we've had that closest bond sin you know, forever. So it's like all the stuff I had to kind of with store a sacrifice. To make sure, you know, my set my younger siblings were were good, were great, you know, whatever the case may be. I never had that specifically for myself. Not saying my parents weren't there. They definitely weren't there, but I didn't have that as strong of a backbone from other people as I did for my younger siblings. So yes, I definitely that is a big part. GoFredo: Yeah, it was kinda I I see what you're saying. It was kinda different from your younger siblings. It's not like you saying and and I don't think it's nothing no no way shape or dis no way, shape or form are we disrespect disrespecting our people so we just speaking our truth. But I see what you're saying though when you say like 'cause for your younger siblings they got you and parents. So it's like different when you got that. So I understand what you're coming from and when you're saying LayTheDon: Like you just got parents. GoFredo: that. Yeah, and it's for you you got parents. So when your parents at work handling their business, who you got? You got you. You know, you just got you. Ain't nobody to call but them. But I I'm with you when you write. I'm with you when you write. I like that, I like your perspective on that. I agree with you. What about you, Cal? Kev: Yeah, man. yeah, trauma trauma just affects a lot of things, man. Affects your relationships with people, just how you act in general, you know what mean? So it's one of them things like for me, I could say, you know, to Lee's point, I experienced some of that like with my older sister where, you know, she had a lot of responsibilities. where she wa when she was younger, like taking care of like, you know, me and my other sister and stuff like that. So now as we older, I'm be I'm be straight. Like I think she got to a point where she was kinda like cool off it. So she's she's just like to herself. Like, I mean to a point we we haven't spoken like years. You know what I mean? We ain't spoken in years. And I think well one, we GoFredo: Yeah, that looks. Kev: did have an issue. We did have an issue. mean I mean I mean not let me not, you know what I mean, leave it like that. But like, you know, I think she also had a place of like, yo, like, I got my own life now, you know what I mean? Like I gotta I you know what I mean, I'm I'm cool off that, you know. although we like I said, although we did have a big issue, I think that's part of the the the the trauma that she had that that affects our relationship, you know what I mean? so And for myself, I mean there's man, it's I we could we could talk trauma all day long. You know what I mean? GoFredo: That's what we're here for. That's what we talk that's what we're talking. Go ahead. Ha ha ha. LayTheDon: Quick well, quick quick, quick, I'ma I'ma pose a question at the end. just everybody think about this since we talking about, you know, healing from past traumas and how they shaped out, you know, relationship at the end of the episode, I want everybody to tell what percentage of how hailed you are from your GoFredo: Because LayTheDon: you know, past childhood trauma. GoFredo: Here we go with these guys. Go here again. She stay with the questions, y'all. She stay the questions. Kev: man. man. LayTheDon: And then you know, at the end of this episode, you know, now that we're getting everything out in the open, we having this little therapy center. At the end GoFredo: Ha ha ha. LayTheDon: we go talk about how healed we are from our past hood Kev: Really? GoFredo: That's a bet. That's a bet. Hey, I wanna LayTheDon: childhood thumbs. GoFredo: I wanna I wanna ask I I wanna ask Lei a question because it goes to what Kev's point is. because I'm I'm actually curious about this because obviously your sister isn't here on the show to talk about it, but I wanna ask from Lei's perspective, with you being an older sister and, you know, being the one to help raise and you know, help raise your younger siblings, like, do you do get to a point to kinda go what Kev was said, do you do get to a point to where you just like Okay, man, I gotta live my own life. Like d when do like do you do get to a point or do you always feel like you have to be that be has to LayTheDon: Yeah GoFredo: be there? LayTheDon: okay, so when I first first few years coming up moving to more moving to West Virginia because you know all my family still live back in DC, there was a time period where like I'm not gonna say me and my brothers was beefing, but it was kinda like getting to that point where we all became like legit adults and I re had to think about the fact that like y'all adults now, like y'all just as grown as I do. And Like I can't help y'all with every single thing, especially concerned the fact that I'm three hours away. So I did have to take that step back and like remember that, you know, like yeah, I'm your big sister, but like I'm I'm I'm I'm three hours away. Like y'all all growing up, so y'all can't always depend on me. Now do they still call me and text me for stuff to this day? Yes. For some reason the big sister in me, it's kinda hard to tell them no. Like even if I ain't even over on my life like if I'm on my last thirty and they need twenty, I'm still sending them that twenty. Even though I GoFredo: Yeah, not it. LayTheDon: tell myself, like, you know, every so often, like, all right, Lei, we got it we ain't got it this time. We ain't got it this time. It's just like that big sister in me is just like, All right. Like, I'm make sure y'all got it. I'm make sure y'all good. GoFredo: That's that's I ain't gonna lie, that's a tough mindset because I'm right there with you. I think we all I know, I know myself and all of us included, I think we all like that. To where it's just like, you know, you would send your people your last, and I think that just comes from the fact of essentially our childhood trauma, just trying to be that loyal person to your people, being there for your people, knowing that your people got somebody to count on. Cause we've all been in that situation where we ain't had not a soul to get to get along. And so having just having the person in that corner is huge. But my man Kobe been over there quiet. Let's chime him, man. What you think of Kobe? Kobi: Childhood is childhood trauma and in in entirety good and bad definitely shaped me to be who I am today because it's it's so drastic in how things can happen as a child and as an adult. It's some triggers that take you back to certain things that happened during your childhood that could either be good or bad. And even taking that into a relationship with that childhood trauma, those triggers can be either good or bad. So it definitely childhood trauma definitely has a a real bad and good effect on any and everybody as they grow up and become The person who they are today and will be tomorrow. GoFredo: I was here, man. Say it be tomorrow. Okay, I like that. Hey, hey, I like what you did there. Hey, but look, check this out. You tap dance around that question pretty good there. I ain't gonna let him pass it. The real question, Kobi: Yeah. GoFredo: like I ain't gonna Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: lie to y'all. That man got that man was on his his his philosophy right there. He started at the childhood drama, help you grow. Hey man, bump all that. I'm on what lay talking about. Let's get to the nitty-gritty of the grits of this gets into the grits of this conversation. Like, like, let's answer this question like you answer it. Let's man try to. Or him a scholarship for the answer to that question. Kev: Okay. GoFredo: That man came, that man got to talking about everybody else story. We talk about you. We talk Kobi: I I put myself into it, but Kev: Okay. Kobi: I'm my childhood trauma, it GoFredo: There we go. Kobi: it's it it it definitely has its its downs. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's definitely some some things that has happened to me that has shaped me to be the man that I am today. And that's on a day to day basis and Going forward, I I wouldn't say I was abandoned, but I was kicked out of my house at the age of sixteen. Like that's that that's traumatizing. I had a place to go, but for that to happen to me while I'm in in high school, in my my my junior year high school, I'm I'm a year away from graduating. How how how is that supposed to what what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to move forward knowing that somebody that raised me had enough anger in their heart to kick out their They're they're their GoFredo: Blue. Kobi: child. And I and I hold on to that to this day because I have my little one and I will never treat her the way how I was treated. I'm gonna always treat her ten times better than anybody. due to the simple fact that I never want that little girl to go through what I went through. GoFredo: So it sounded like you were you did like a reverse. Like you Kev: Mm. GoFredo: you use your trauma then like you like it it first of all, one, I'm sorry you had to experience that. That's first off. I'm gonna let that be all right now. I'm sorry you have to experience that. That's just crazy. that's that's unfortunate. I hate that you had to experience that. I hate that, you know, we got people in our and with a lot in our community for sure, that has to go through that and it's so unfortunate that you have to experience that, but it It sounds like like that experience kinda grew you up faster than what you were supposed to grow. Go back to what Kobi: Yeah. GoFredo: Lay said, like you it was it's moments of your childhood where everybody else you said a junior high school where everybody else kicking it having a good time, you trying to you making life decisions. That that that that suck. That really do suck. Kev: Mm-hmm. Kobi: Yeah. LayTheDon: I like how you brought that in, you know, how you took your trauma and you turned it around once you got a kid. So I'ma pose that question to to Kev, like he Kobe kinda answered the question, how has your trauma shaped how you raised 'cause you the only other person that got a got a kid in this group? how d has that shaped you and how you raise your your you your little one? Kev: You know, it it's it's crazy. Kobe touched on something. I was actually gonna ask him a question too. gotta keep gonna keep Kobe LayTheDon: How is you talking with him anxious? GoFredo: Ha ha ha. Kev: talking. No me stop. This GoFredo: Hey, look hey, he be spin, no de Kev: this the Kobe episode, man. Nah nah me stop GoFredo: Hey, hey look, I'm telling you that man need a man need a scholarship in philosophy, man. That man be talking, boy. Either doing poetry or philosophy. That's one of the two. Kev: No, it's it's crazy. Like nah I feel what you were saying though, Kobe, because for me like just being a father is it's one of them things where like I remember them times where like my parents weren't around, you know what I'm saying? So now it's like the trauma I have that's coming to fatherhood is I feel like I can't miss anything. You know what I'm saying? So some people be hitting me like, yo, Kev, you you you doing a lot, bro. And I'll be like, for me, I'd be like, nah, nah. That's cool. I got it. Like I I be like, yo, I gotta be at everything. In my in my mind, I gotta be at everything. I'm like a doctor appointment, a dentist. Like I gotta be at everything. In my you know what mean? Because it's one of them things where like the trauma area is I didn't have that. You know what I mean? So it's like if I miss an event for her, whatever it is, like I'm gonna be upset. You know what I mean? so I think I think it's like it's there's good parts of it. But then there's bad parts of it where like sometimes like I could miss out on something that's small and I just yo it'll just ruin my day. You know what I mean? It it it'll just it would really ruin my day. Like it it's it's it's weird where when I say something small, it's like I I I don't know. Like the first time she if she tie her shoe for the first time I ain't there, I might be a little irritated. You know what I mean? I might be a little irritated. GoFredo: I I w I'm with you on that. I'm hey look I might be hot too. Whole day blue. LayTheDon: Okay. Kev: all day, GoFredo: Whole day blue Kev: old day, man. I'm like man, y'all, I'm messing with y'all. She over here tying her shoe. You know what I mean? Like GoFredo: Hey, you mad at the job and whatnot? Kobi: Well, GoFredo: Y'all had me work today. She tied her shoe. Kev: Man, she she she popped out the room right now talking about she tired of show I'm like man podcast over You know what GoFredo: Ha ha ha. Kev: I mean LayTheDon: Yeah. GoFredo: Hey, hey, we just gon' so Kev had to leave y'all, so we just Hey no, I'm with you on that one, bro. Hey, you wanna be honest with you, bro? So that's to what you said and to what Kobe said, that's part of one of the reasons. Like I've it's other reasons to why I don't have kids. I mean, obviously you know, y'all know other reasons. It's not like it hasn't previously almost happened, you know, God willing Kev: Yeah, right. GoFredo: I'm I'm here at don't. But like one of the reasons why I haven't plant lay funny, one of the reasons why I haven't like you wild Kev: So what happened in Vegas? Shang nah, shang nah, shang nah. LayTheDon: I'm GoFredo: Hey yo Kev: snap, the smack, the GoFredo: Nah y'all. Kev: smack. Kobi: Yeah, can't we have a Vegas? GoFredo: He trolling. He trolling. Don't let he troll it. Kev: What happened to Vegas? What happened to Vegas? GoFredo: He trolling. No, but LayTheDon: No, that's when he found out in Vegas. GoFredo: That yeah, Kev: chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. GoFredo: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kev: This is about this about Fredo. This ain't about me. This is about Fredo. This ain't about me. LayTheDon: Yeah. GoFredo: Hey that boy deflects real quick. He he Kev: We gotta stay focused. Kobi: That's an inside joke, people, that's an inside joke. LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: Hey, look, hey, look, yeah, y'all, we'll let y'all know in later episodes. But no, but but no, like one of the reasons for me is that it definitely do stem from from that, but it's it's it definitely still from the childhood trauma. But it's like Kobe said, I believe you said it's like you got good and bad essentially. But it's one of those things to where I haven't had plans or intentions to do that yet, is because like my people that that were there for me. During my time of making stuff happen, going through my struggle, going through my trials, and as I matured and became an adult and kind of made things happen and whatnot. And the people that I've lost along the way, it's just one of those things to where my main focus is essentially excellency. Like my main focus is to make sure my people's as good at all costs before I essentially bring a child into this world. Like planned. Let me say that, like planned child into this world. I'm older now, so it's all planned now. Like I no I ain't missing that it's all planned now. Like may you know, things happened in the past instead of past. Everything right now was planned. So, but like right now I wanna make sure, like, you know, moms is good, Pops is good. Like I wanna make sure I can do stuff for my nieces my nieces and nephews and whatnot. Like I I view that. Like I'm essentially wanna see myself as like I wanna say cool uncle, but I wanna be there for them at all costs, any way, shape or form, until I make the decision Like first obviously finding somebody, having a connection with somebody, and then having or having that connection with somebody to bring a kid into this world. But before I even get there, my main thing is, you know, essentially enjoying life for the most part and then also like making sure my people's as good as much as I possibly can. Like I want not just like my brothers, my po my f my my pops, my moms, not just them, but like, you know, essentially y'all as well. Like to the point where I'm I want to be, you know, more financially set to where Kev called me and be like, hey bro, you got a band I can hold and I can just sit it to him, no problem. With no hesi and whatnot. Like that's how that's and that but that's the pressure. But that like essentially Kev: We think. GoFredo: lay wild. But like that go to what that goes to what Lei said when it comes to the trauma, but that's like the pressure I put on myself because of Kev: Yeah, yeah. GoFredo: certain things I seen when my when my childhood and whatnot. But like you got homies that's like that. I mean we ain't got but you got people out here that you we ain't got but you LayTheDon: I mean, where they at though? I need I need a homie like that. God. Kobi: I got a homie like that. Kev: Right, right. GoFredo: it but but but like hey Kobi: It's go f Mr. Big Bite himself. That's the homie. GoFredo: look, but but but I'm trying to but listen, listen, I'm trying but that's like LayTheDon: You wouldn't be the homie like that, you know. I ain't a homie like that no more. You know. I didn't got that I didn't got that phone call from the homies out of, you know, out of state something said, Lady, let me hold hundred dollars, they didn't froze my account, I'm spending too much money out here. I ain't had that con that call before, but I ain't never called nobody GoFredo: But you but see LayTheDon: for that before. GoFredo: but you see like but but but that's because we always the people that's that's handling the business because we always the ones that's making the sacrifices for others. And so like to me the biggest sacrifice to me is to like and it could be the littlest thing. Like y'all know me, I'm big on loyalty. Like loyalty to me is priceless. Like the like just that little bit of loyalty can go a long way, just you just being a friend, 'cause people don't even know what that is nowadays. So like you just being a friend go a long way to me and that's why my circle's small now. So like just being that, it make me want to work even harder so I get to the point to where not only I can be there for you as a friend, but I could be there for you financially as well. Like if you do hit a rough patch, I could be like, hey man, here go, you know, because I'm the type of person, if I can spend it twice that I got it. So like I wanna be able to get get y'all banned, two banned, whatever the case like that may be. So like that's the pressure I put on myself. But that also stems from Essentially like the childhood trauma of not having certain things growing up, like at at a certain standpoint. But it also and it's not like my parents didn't do it, they did everything they possibly could to make things happen. But it's, you know, I don't know if y'all ever had them like the outside family that's enjoying themselves, living life, and you call them, they ain't got two nickels to send you. But at the same time they taking trips, but at the same time they sending Kev: yeah, yeah. GoFredo: it to other cousins and they say like yo, other cousins and I like my cousins that's my age, I got nothing but love for them. This ain't got nothing to do with them. But the adults that that that essentially looked at me to fail. Like I got family members that looked at me to fail and still Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: laugh in my face to this day, but because out of respect and love for my parents, I keep it I keep it play up. But because essentially I got no love lost for them. They couldn't call me to ask for two niggas to rub together. Kev: Yeah. Yeah. GoFredo: But it's it's essentially that. So that's why I like. I put pressure on myself because I got loyalty with, you know, with y'all. I got more love for y'all than I do got for family members that's essentially close in blood. But it's because of the simple fact that when I needed you the most, you wasn't nowhere to be found, even though you said you would. But it's because I didn't choose a path that you wanted me to take or whatever the case like that may be. But then I hear from my cousin like, yeah, such and such, I ain't gonna put nobody on blast, but they know who they is. Such and such, you know, they send me a hundred dollars or they did this and that third. or they'll put it on Facebook and it's just like, yeah, wait a minute. I called it actually for a cheap amount of that. Or it's Kev: Hmm. GoFredo: just like, you know, and it kind of go from there. So it definitely, that's why, and that's what goes back to, you know, essentially what Kobe said when it comes to the trauma as a use. Like I got peoples in my family that y'all know I don't even rock with at all. I mean, zero. And I'm standing Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: 10 toes on it. And they know it, and they know we not even that with each other. They just know it. Because of the simple fact that you weren't even there for me when I needed you the most. And it was, it wasn't even like a lot, because to what Lay said, I don't even call and like to ask people for nothing. Like if I'm calling you, I really need it. And at the same time, I was still turned their shoulder on me. But when I started getting good, guess who called me? That's Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: my man say, watch out. My man say, watch out. Chocinko, child, please. I ain't got nothing for you. Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: They lucky I ain't got the flip phone. LayTheDon: I wanna num people if I wanna people if I ever call and ask you for something, I'm probably down bad. Like I'm I'm finna die. I'm I'm probably finna die. That's GoFredo: Ha ha ha. LayTheDon: that's like I don't want GoFredo: I don't even mean to laugh, but she dare see us too like LayTheDon: Yeah, serious. Like, you don't understand. It took it it took short four years, three years before I decided to ask my man for some help for any goddamn thing. I don't ask my dad for nothing. I don't ask my mom for nothing. Say, but if I I know if I ever needed to, one of them probably got it. Possibly, for the most part. But like, I make it my business to not ask for anything because the fact that I was raised on making sure I had it or making sure I I knew how to get it. So GoFredo: You don't ask your man? That's your man. LayTheDon: That's the problem. That's one of them things, you know how like you don't ask for nothing but then he feels some type of way b like he likes men like the fact that, you know, you don't ask for nothing but they also feel some way 'cause you don't ask them for nothing. Kev: Mm. GoFredo: Yeah! Come ask me! Kobi: We this remember remember lay trying to get Kev: Yeah. Kobi: back into tr lay is trying to get to soft girl era. Kev: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. LayTheDon: Yeah, I'm trying, but like I I don't like asking for nothing. GoFredo: How close are you How close are you getting to your soft girl era? What percentage you at? LayTheDon: So based off some feedback from the last couple of episodes, apparently I can I could I can start communicating about more of what I want on my end. so shout out to my man who paying for my nails and toes this weekend 'cause you know Yeah. You know, you know these GoFredo: Okay, aye, aye, shout out. Shout out to bro. Shout out to bro. Handles this been there. LayTheDon: These epic these episodes making some things happen over here regularly. You know, it's gonna be a regular monthly thing now. He said he's including Kev: And LayTheDon: that into his budget, you know, you know, so you know. I said, Ooh I said, Let me make some more episodes. GoFredo: Okay, okay. LayTheDon: I need some more, I need some more stuff. Need some more stuff. GoFredo: Talk about I need some more stuff. LayTheDon: Make some more episodes. But what else what else we gonna what else we need to talk about that, you know, make sure he he here next episode, you know. GoFredo: Alright, we ain't finna set up now. We ain't finna set up. We ain't doing that. Kobi: Okay. LayTheDon: Well this would help my childhood trauma, you know? I'm working Kev: Yeah, you it's so crazy. GoFredo: Here she goes. Kobi: This to help the little kid lay. LayTheDon: I'm working on my healing, my soft girl healing process, you know, working on that. GoFredo: So you at about you sound like you at about seventy percent right now. LayTheDon: No, no, I ain't say all that I ain't say all I I Kev: Like fifty? Like fifty. GoFredo: Yeah, that's a few and fifty. LayTheDon: Boy Sam. Kobi: Look, now she gassed me. Kev: Forty seven. GoFredo: Hey, hey, she had fifty. She just wanna be different. She just wanna be different. Picked a random number. LayTheDon: No, no. You understand how many times Kev: She's wanna stand out. She's wanna stand out. LayTheDon: you know how many times you know how many times I didn't say you know how many times I didn't say I'm not finna send my family nothing and then as soon as they request some stuff on Cash App I send it anyway. I'm st I'm it's still messing with me. I still can't GoFredo: But I think you can be in your soft girl area and still be like I mean I well this the thing, the one thing I respect about you I always have is and it's and it's kinda weird because I it is a a sense of trauma, but I also think it does benefit it has it it has benefited you up until LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: this point because like you know what it's like to be a boss. Like you also know what it's like LayTheDon: Big Bob, then okay. GoFredo: Yeah, like I got my two them two homies right there got got daughters. And so they understand like and we t we've all talked about this, me and them in in private conversations about essentially raising your daughter to the n you know, not need a man, but essentially want to add them to LayTheDon: for doing. GoFredo: yours. Yeah, huh? LayTheDon: Hey both. GoFredo: They both have both LayTheDon: Person. Kobi: I mine turning eight in December. Mine my I got the oldest. LayTheDon: Y'all got the girls off the first go round? She Kev: Whoa. Kobi: Yeah. Kev: Yeah, yeah. GoFredo: They girl dads. They gonna be at the LayTheDon: Y'all got shotguns too? Y'all Kobi: Huh? LayTheDon: got some shotguns too? Kev: Well you know that. Kobi: Some shotguns? Nah, I'm finna get one. LayTheDon: Yeah. okay. Just share GoFredo: And Kev said I got these. LayTheDon: again. Kev: Perfect. LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. Just say, you know. Kev: Talk about somebody that humbled a man. GoFredo: Ha ha. Kobi: Ha ha ha. LayTheDon: Yeah. Kev: You know you know what's so funny? Kobi: Hey, we gon mess around and get you a Forty Exchange bandana that you can hang Kev: Listen man. GoFredo: Hey, go listen. Get him a forty exchange scheme mask. Get him a forty. Kev: man. GoFredo: Get him a forty exchange shisty. He ain't playing no games about it. LayTheDon: Speaking of protection, I got a question. How GoFredo: Uh-huh. LayTheDon: has how has is is there anything in your trauma that in your pat in your childhood trauma that has shaped your adulthood to where it better helps you protect yourself, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, like what traumatically in your childhood has helped you protect yourself has helped you grow to protect yourself in any of those manners. I'm gonna start with GoFredo: Careful. LayTheDon: let's go to K first. Kev: It's one of them things where I think everybody has something that does all the above for every every topic you name, whether it be financial, whatever whatever, whatever it is, I think everybody has something that's happened that just you I'ma say this, you use it as a defense mechanism. The the question is, is it healthy? You know what I mean? The question is that LayTheDon: We act okay, we a way act is healthy. We just said that it shapes something. You now you now you adding on look look, we Well. GoFredo: That's a whole that's a whole episode. Kev: You know what mean? But that's that's that's the truth. That's the truth. You know what I mean? I you LayTheDon: Yes sir. Kev: we all got a defense mechanism. Is it a healthy one? You know what I mean? Like it it's one of them things where you you GoFredo: I feel like the pants. Kobi: I I agree with Fredo, it depends. Kev: Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like it's one of them things where it's like, yo, I I'm good with my money because we was broke. You know what I mean? That's that's that's that's that's a healthy one, you know what I mean? I'm good with my money because GoFredo: Yeah. Kev: we was because we was broke, you know what I mean? But it's about balance. GoFredo: Thanks. Kev: It's about balance though, you know what I mean? GoFredo: Facts. Kobi: It's that yin and yang in the in the world. GoFredo: Facts. Kev: That's just that's GoFredo: I agree with you on that. Kev: just that's just what it is. You gotta have a balance to it though. I mean, I got healthy ones like that, then I got some unhealthy ones. You know what mean? Where it's GoFredo: Give us one. Kev: just my most LayTheDon: Give us an unhouse you. Kev: un yo, my most unhealthy one is in my relationship. So like When you come from a situation like when I was young, like I had like one of my my homies, like my my big bro, he got killed when we were young. You know what I mean? I struggle with relationships 'cause I just feel like, man, like you go any day. You know what I mean? So I'm low key like a little distant in a way. You know what I'm saying? And that's like with people in general. You feel me? That's that's not just like my bros. I mean, that's like my relationships, like with my girl. Like I'm a low key a little distant because of that. You know what I mean? And I've been like that for like you know, almost twenty years. You know what I mean? You can't just turn that off. You know what I mean? I try, but you just can't you just can't turn it off like a switch. GoFredo: You won't be honest with you, Kev, I think I got that same one. and then you know what's crazy? I don't think you and this may sound I don't know how this gonna sound, but it may sound bad, but I don't think you ever could turn it off. Cause like as you get older and you see more life, it just Kev: It low key gets worse. GoFredo: yeah, it it just it just like basically just keeps adding more levels to you feeling that way. It just keeps like making you feel that way even more to where it's just like, I ain't gonna lie to you, like I didn't day that kinda essentially, you know, trying to train myself, my mental, on that day that like that's gonna happen just because like to what you said, like, you know, you didn't lose you done lost so many people and lose so many homies to the point where you just kinda well for me, I just essentially tried to just keep training myself, training my mental on like that blow, like pause, like just keep training myself on how that how that level of mental impact's gonna hit me. when that day come because you know eventually, you know, eventually we all not gonna be here. Like that's something I've definitely came to Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: terms with, which is kind of ease the feeling, but at the same time, to like you said, like, you wake up every day and it's just like, man, you can't even hit they line no more. You can't even, whatever the case like that no Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: more. Or you know, I don't know, like we all have lost people, but I know you got that feeling is especially like as we do this and get older and get some notoriety from it that That level of celebration to where you just sitting back. I mean, like, you know, we all done been on trips. Y'all know that feeling where you sitting at a trip and you just sitting there like, Damn, I wish bro was here. Or I wish so and so was here. Or Kev: right. GoFredo: like, man, what's an end go crazy if they'll be able to see me see what I became over the time? Like it's just that feeling. So I'm definitely with you on that one. That's I don't Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: know if that's good or bad, bro. I ain't gonna lie to you. I don't know. Kev: It's it it's a crazy it's a crazy one, man. It's a crazy one and it's fighting for like like that specific friend, right? It's crazy for me right now because it's one of them things where I'm like, even like when I came into fatherhood, I'm like, dang, like, bro really ain't even make it here. Not even close, you know what I'm saying? So like it's like that's like stuff that just like plays with your mind, you know what I mean? And you just gotta keep going. GoFredo: Hey bro, that's that's the best way I didn't learn how to do it. And I don't know if it's healthy Kev: Mm. GoFredo: or not, but it's just like just keep going. Like Kev: Yeah, you know what's so crazy? That I think when that happened, that was probably the worst part. Like it wasn't what happened. It wasn't a loss. It was like the next day when the world just kept going. You know what I'm saying? That was the worst part. GoFredo: Boy, when you realize that when you're young, like you don't know you Kev: Yo, and the world just gonna keep going. GoFredo: Yeah, you know that feeling you want everybody to be sad with you. At their Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: mom, just waking up going man, I remember seeing somebody Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: doing doing skipping. Like I remember seeing little kids skipping after I lost my homie. Boy, I wanted to I wanted to flip the whole concrete up if I could. Like ain't nobody skipping today. All skipped over with. Everybody. Kev: Right. Yeah, yeah. GoFredo: Now everybody gotta walk on the street. I don't care where y'all gotta walk. We often have bad day. But it's just like Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: you can't expect everybody else to essentially be sad, but it's like you said, the world just the world keep going. And that that's something I fight with air day, is that like, Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: you know, to to I mean since we here, I might as well say it. To a deeper point, it'd be like, you know, why are we here? Like I'd be fighting with that on the on occasion on a daily basis. It's like, why are we here? Like you said, Kev: Mm-hmm. GoFredo: like, you know, you lose one of your closest homies, of you know, a parent, you know, a grandparent or whatever, significant other, and it's just like Or ch you know, God forbid a child, I hate that, but that that's life. And it's just like the the world just keeps going. Like eventually you gotta get back up and go to work because bills don't stop. And eventually you gotta go do X, Y, and Z because this don't stop. And eventually you gotta eventu like it's it's almost like, you know, it's like a weird balance to where it's just like, man, like how long do you how long do you stay sad for? Because, you know In my mind, I got the old school football mindset that if you take a day off, the next man finna pass you up. So I can't I can't take a day off. So like if I lose somebody, it's like, man, I gotta I gotta get up and go handle my business. Like I Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: take this 30 minute break, take my time to decompress or whatever, but I gotta go. Like I can't let the next person pass me up. And you know, that's probably a bad thing, but essentially that's when I met with it. What Kobi: Do you think there is a time limit on grief? LayTheDon: Hell no Hell No. GoFredo: Nah, I don't. I I I don't because who is because you know how jobs get you like three to five days to grieve and whatnot, and it's just like you don't know how close this person was to me for you to decide three to five days on it. But then that that goes back to, you know, Kev point, the world gonna keep going. Yo like the people Kev: Yeah, yeah. GoFredo: you work for need you in that position and Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: whatnot. Like I done seen that stuff, you know, essentially like that that grief consumed them. to what a point that like they life just like spiral because they let that grief Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: consume them and then they was grieving for so long Kobi: Yeah. GoFredo: that they'd end up lost losing their job or lost a position that they was in because of it or excuse me certain things that ended that end up going their way because they were sad about it or they lost relationships for it, whatever. And then all of a sudden that one moment ended up trickling everything and all of a sudden it just Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: goes downhill from there and they don't even never recover. Or it take years Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: for them to cover and it just you know, this thing we call life just get harder. And so like for me, I look at those situations to where it's like I don't think it's a time period. Like, you know, one of the hardest I've lost homies in my life, but one of the hardest ones that hit me was my like my great grandma. Like that one still hit me to this day and that was, you know, over a decade ago. And that still that still hit me to this day. But at the same time I kinda what I kinda do is kinda flip it to motivation. To where it just like, I'm gonna keep grinding and keep chunking to keep keep making things happen so it so I can make her proud. And then it kind of like, you know, essentially goes into the down the list of all my other homies and f and you know family members and people I lost along the way. So I don't think it's a time limit, but at the same time, I don't know, in my mind is just keep going. Like you just gotta keep going. I know that's bad. That's definitely bad. But I just you just gotta keep going. Kev: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah. GoFredo: I know that's bad, but that's that's the best way I deal with it. you know, like we all deal with things differently. For me, it's just keep going. Like just keep you gotta keep going. Because you Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: stop it ain't gonna do nothing. Ain't gonna do nothing for you. s I mean, as as bad as it sounds, that's true. Like you stopping, that pausing I mean it do I wanna say it ain't gonna it isn't gonna do anything for you because it helps clear your mental. But I'm like I'm a mentally strong person. So for me, it's like I can think about that process that get everything situated while I'm still handling my business at work. Like I'm able to think while thinking. And so like I'm able to like compartmentalize certain things and kinda handle my business. But like I said, I know it's probably not healthy, but for me, that's just how I am. That's just how I'm why. It's just to keep going. Just just just you gotta start the day, just keep going. Wake up, start the day, you make it happen. Eventually it's gonna get better. Like you know, it had a what's that saying? Eventually the sun gonna come out. Like it ain't it can't rain all day. Like it can't rain all Kev: Mm-hmm. Yeah. GoFredo: day eventually the sun. So I just keep working until the until the song come back out. Kev: That's what they say, joy joy will come in the morning. You know what I mean? It's it's GoFredo: Yeah. You know. Kev: one of them things, bro. You know, it's so crazy. it made me think because I had this situation, and you know, my dad had finally reached out to me. Everybody reaching out to me and stuff like that. My dad finally reached out and he was like, Yo, Kev, like, forget all that. Are you mentally okay right now? And then like I actually had to stop for a minute. And recognize, yo, I'm not okay. And the reality is, yo, as like for men, I'm be straightforward about this. Yo, don't nobody really ask us if we're okay. We just expected to just go. You know what I'm saying? And figure out a solution. But like until my dad stopped and asked me, I was like, Damn, bro, I am not okay. And then I realized, yo, All these people around me, ain't nobody asked me if I was good. And it slapped GoFredo: Now one. Kev: me in the face at that moment that ain't nobody gonna really gonna ask you if you're good. You know what I mean? And I and I say that in a way of like, I don't I don't so I I don't wanna come off in a way of like you know, saying it's easy for women or something like that. I'm not saying that. But as As for men, it's like you're just expected to constantly come up with a solution and just figure it out and go. So nobody stops and asks you. GoFredo: Yeah. Well it could LayTheDon: Can definitely say for well my bad. Well pick off what k piggyback off, GoFredo: I think. LayTheDon: Kevin Kim made a good point. Like I just had taken it took a minute for me to realize that it is okay to not be okay as long as you make a plan to finally be okay. Like you haven't putting on that strong face all the time, even though when you're going through stuff is not definitely not healthy. there's a lot of things where I'm I'm I'm working through things and I'm doing things on my own and like I'm probably struggling. I'm not asking for help and I'm just putting on that strong face. And understanding that I am not okay, Kobi: Hey man, LayTheDon: but putting a plan in place to make sure I get to being okay is is is the ultimate goal. Like I bottle a lot of stuff in, a lot of my problems, a lot of my issues, stuff I need help with, and that's one of the things that been me learning being tall and getting into my soft girl error is learning that hey lay it is okay to ask for help. Like you do not have to be the bigger person. You do not have to be the top dog all the per all the time. You don't have to be, you know, the strong, you know, person for everybody all the time. It's okay. Like it's okay to cry. Whether you're man or female, it's okay to cry 'cause sometimes crying really helps. That extra ten minutes in your car before GoFredo: I ain't gonna lie to you, I don't remember the last time I cried, gang. I'ma keep it a buck, witch. I just Kobi: Body baby pray, don't cry. LayTheDon: That extra ten minutes GoFredo: bit a bum. LayTheDon: in your car before you get out your car. When you come home from work, that that sit there to think and really get your life together. Like that that stuff helps. And like when you're when you're younger, like you around everybody. You always around your family. You don't ever get that like they saw you been to yourself or you taking that time for yourself as something wrong with you. Like you need to go see therapy or something like that. Like you weren't GoFredo: yeah. LayTheDon: in in a in a in a black household, you weren't allowed to be depressed when you were younger. You weren't allowed to be sad. GoFredo: What's the press? What's what's what's depression? You better get up. Kev: No, no. LayTheDon: You want allow be sad, like like you said, it's too sad for you got a roof over your head, you got food on the table, that that's what that's that's in the black household GoFredo: Yeah. LayTheDon: you hear that regularly. So it's like as an adult learning to understand you like your feelings and your emotions and your what you going through and actually being able to physically do something about it, like Kev: Mm-hmm. Kobi: Okay. LayTheDon: that's definitely a sense of all right, we growing up, like that healing process is taking place. So I might be at like a sixty five, maybe. Kev: Yeah. LayTheDon: I might be at the sixty. Might be at the sixty five. You right. I had to think about it over there. GoFredo: Now we go. We got her. We done got her there. She opened it up. We got her. And you wanna be Kev: Sixty five, sixty five. Hey, you know what's GoFredo: you wanna be honest with you, Late? You know it's so crazy. So it's to what you said, like what our parents used to say with like with a black household when they say like ain't no ain't no such thing as depression. or or I wanna say it's no such thing, but it's just Yeah, it's just one of those things like if LayTheDon: But the press that I asked weapon is what they used to say. GoFredo: if if if your girl break up with you, what what OG say? Man, you see all the women out there and you cry another one. Like, that's that's that's what it was. Like, that's what it was. But you want to be honest with you, I also think that you know what one thing that helps me is that that the older generation did teach me is that when you said like you got a house Kobi: Yeah. GoFredo: over your head, a your roof over your head and stuff like that, is that what I do now is that I look at that stuff and like y'all know me, I'm I'm real optimistic. Like to me, like now when I look at it since calls with care point. Just waking up in the morning, I got a chance to do be great. Like like I like now I'm at the point and I've been here for you know a good amount of years now to where it was just like I don't know what a bad day is. Because now I done kind of like constructed my mind to the point where, you know, a bad day is not waking up. Like like so I don't even know what a bad day is. So like just is just just being essentially being grateful of the little things in life and the things that I've able to accomplish along the way. And then I kind of use that as, you know, fuel to kind of keep moving forward. That's what I that's that that but it it c it's kind of using like that I wanna say theory, but kind of those word choices our OGs was using back in the day, but kind of flipped it more as to a positive instead of a negative to where I'm like, okay, you know, I got, you know, I got I got I got two shoes on my feet, you know, I got socks, I got AC in the house, I got I got enough money to cover rent, I got this, that and the third and whatnot. I can't get You I may can't go out and get this fifth of Hennessy I want this week, but at the same time the bills is paid. So you know you get so you got the hen dog, yes for sure. so you got that, but we was we was rapping. Come on, man. You can't even get a pint. LayTheDon: You know you're down bad when you can't get that pint, bro. If you can't get the pint, you down bad that Kev: Yeah. LayTheDon: pint. Kev: Wait. Wait, y'all, so have we made an executive decision that we s that we letting tequila go and going back to Henny? All right. LayTheDon: Yes Yes First of all we shouldn't have re we shouldn't have left GoFredo: Hey no I was gonna say hey Kobi: I wouldn't necessarily say that. No, no, no, no. LayTheDon: Kennedy in the first place, okay? GoFredo: Hey, wait a I've never Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: I've never let Hennessy. I don't know about y'all I never left it. Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: Me and Hennessy been like this. Me and Hennessy. Hennessy ain't never let me down. LayTheDon: Yeah. I mean you're not gonna ri I mean I ain't I ain't never gonna tequila, Kobi: Mm-hmm. LayTheDon: you know, I went to like J Mo. I ain't never gonna tequila. But Hennessy, me and Hennessy GoFredo: I want to be. LayTheDon: we still like this. GoFredo: Hey, listen. Lizzie. Yes. Kobi: Fredo and Lei got Hennessy real bad. I've been a tequila drinker. GoFredo: Hey, listen. Hennessy, me and my girl Hennessy LayTheDon: Okay. GoFredo: ain't never let me down. My girl Hennessy ain't never let me down. Still to this day. LayTheDon: Me GoFredo: Still to this day, my girl Henry, I can call Henny right now, and I bet she do some crazy to me. I call Henny right now. She'll put a smile on my face. I call my baby girl right Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: now. She'll put a smile on my face. Y'all get a different gofread on this pod. I'll call her my girl. I go. LayTheDon: I mean, GoFredo: But no, but no. LayTheDon: Hennessy get me late, it gave me good sleep, it Hennessy do a couple of things. No, have a good time. GoFredo: Hennessy, how you doing? How you doing something before Tucson? Boy Hennessy, how you doing something before Tucson? For sure for sure. Kev: That should have been the close out LayTheDon: Yeah. Kev: right there. Anything is possible. And any logo just pop up and the show close out. Show just close out. GoFredo: Yeah. LayTheDon: That is my that is the next shirt I'll wear on the next episode. That's my next shirt or next episode. Yeah. Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: Hey, Hennessy, y'all listen to this. We need a sponsorship, man. Come on, man. Get out of here. We throw the Henny logo up top. 40X Day, we throw the Henny logo up top. LayTheDon: We just monster right now. Hit him out. Kev: Yeah. Kobi: And that's for the exchange. We'll see y'all next episode. Cancel that motherfucker. GoFredo: Hey, Kev: Yeah. GoFredo: but no, before we get out of here, man, we gotta we ain't Kobi: Yeah. GoFredo: even we ain't even let Kobe. Kobe, go ahead, get your get your two sits off, man. Go ahead. Go ahead and get your two sits off. LayTheDon: Yeah, bruh. Answer the question, bruh. Cause you was a little you was GoFredo: Yeah, you thought we were gonna come back to you. We gonna come back to you. Go ahead and get your two sits off. LayTheDon: a little quiet for a minute. Go ahead and answer that question, bruh. Kobi: I was talking I don't even know what we talked I was talking. GoFredo: He said, I don't know what we talking about. Lay answer the question again. Stall him out, Debo. LayTheDon: The question. Kev: He he said, I told y'all I drink tequila. GoFredo: Ha ha ha! Kev: Yeah. LayTheDon: Maybe on the down corner, yo, after foolyo. GoFredo: Come on now. Stall them out, Debo. LayTheDon: saying how has childhood trauma has it physically mentally or emotionally has it affected you like where you've now gone into like a protective mode like how has it how have you used that as a protection protection mechanism physically mentally or emotionally as you became an adult? Kobi: In every category GoFredo: Yeah, do that close up close do that to close us out, Pause. Kobi: in at a in every category it's it definitely changed me. It's changed me, unfortunately, for the bad sometimes, but majority of the time it's changed me for the good. due to my childhood trauma I know how to treat a woman in every aspect that a woman Wants and would like to be treated due to my childhood trauma. Because what I've been through, I know definitely what not to do. And I've turned that into something positive, as Fredo was saying, and what K was saying, I've turned that negative childhood into. trauma into something positive that I can use and project and and feed into positivity. I and I can also use those childhood traumas with my little one. I I I have one child and she She's about to become a teenager pretty soon. I'm I'm not ready for that, but that's GoFredo: But get ready. Kobi: that that is that is LayTheDon: You want to try a voice Kev: Thank you. Kobi: That's a a a a whole different aspect in life where high school and and and and graduating comes and and gets involved and thinking about all that overwhelms me because I wanna make sure that every step of the way that she needs me, I'm gonna be there regardless of anything. Regardless of whatever I got going on, I don't care if I'm sad, mad, or depressed. Whatever I gotta do, I'ma make sure that that person, that, that, that, that beautiful person has everything that she needs to succeed going into life because I always want her to better do be to do better than me. I want to leave this. And I want to make sure that she has a a legacy to take care of when I'm gone. I want her name to be a household name, not just a a a regular dagger person. I want her to be the best that she can be. And every day going forward for as long as I'm here, I'm gonna make sure that she knows that she can do whatever she set her heart out to. GoFredo: Respect respect that. I'm with you when you write. Definitely with you when you write. Kobi: Despite my childhood trauma, I will lessen as much childhood trauma negatively negatively as possible GoFredo: Yeah. Kobi: on her end, but I wanna speak and breathe positivity into her and that's what I will continue to do. GoFredo: That's res that's respect, bro. That's respect, bro. Hey lesson. Well no, this on Kobe. Go ahead and let them close this out, Cy. That's on you. This is your show. This is your episode. Kobi: Everybody, that was for the exchange on childhood trauma and how it affects us as we become or as it affects us as adults. And that was a beautiful episode. I want to say thank you to Mr. Big Bite himself, Gofredo, later Don and Kev for joining me on this pod. We'll see y'all next episode.