Latest / The You Project / #1760 Gym Tailgating - Patrick Bonello

Transcript

#1760 Gym Tailgating - Patrick Bonello · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get a groovers. Welcome to another installment the project.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: That's you, Patrick, and I know Tiffany and Cook. We
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: are sands Tiff, we are tiffless, we are tiff free,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: we are without Tiff. It's just you and me, mate.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know that we're going to be able to
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: do it, but we'll do our very best.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Well. I think if we hold their hands together.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: And wear a little bit will be fine.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I'll just reach out across the virtual threshold and grab
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: you right now.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Could you know one of the things I wanted to
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: chat to you about wiz VR and using like haptic
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: connections so that you can actually touch, because we could
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: be wearing haptic suits and touching each other right now.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I'll tell you what of all the things I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: want to do, that's very fucking low on my list.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: But and so, haptic feedback means, if, for example, you're
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: wearing let's say a glove and I'm wearing a glove
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: with sensors, then I can wheeze your hand and you'll
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: feel it. Kind of am I right yet?
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Hand? That's a good idea?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right? Have they made one a haptic Oh
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: that's I see where you're going maybe.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Hey, hey, hey, wait wait wait right up?
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: No, no, but I mean no, I'm not even being silly.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: No, we could do a hug. You could do a
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: haptic hug. That would be cool.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: But I'd have to be wearing a like a vest.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Or a jacket, right, yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I wonder I wonder when that. I wonder when that's
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: going to become an inverted commas normal mainstream where where
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: you know, the there's actually a well it's not a
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: real but it's a sense of a touch or a
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: sense of you know, a squeeze or a hug, isn't it.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: But it's amazing what your brain is able to do
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: when it comes to not fooling you per se, but
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: giving you the impression of. So, as you know, I
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: game on a regular basis on a Sunday morning with
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: some mates. There's normally four or five of us, and
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: we play virtual mini golf, amongst other games. And what
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: it does is it positions you on the golf course
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: playing mini golf, and you're wearing an avatar. So one
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: of the guys has a top hat and a curly mustache,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: you know, so it doesn't even look like the person
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: you're speaking to, but because it's their voice coming out
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: of it, and because it also has an ability to
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: be able to locate the person so that the sound
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: is relative to where that person is. So if you
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: have one person standing to your right, one standing to
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: your left, and someone start talking, starts talking to your left,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: that's where the sound is coming from.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: So it's not a big stretch really.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: When you think about the haptic connection with people and
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: the ability to be able to hold a hand, shake,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: a hand share a hug or something like that, your
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: brain has an amazing ability to be able to turn
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: what may not feel real into reality. I mean, let's
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: face it, our optic nerve does it all the time,
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: be seeing the world upside down. The basic optics of
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: what we see when we're walking around mean that everything
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: should physically appear to be upside down, but our brain
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: flips it around the right way around. We all kind
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: of learned that when we're doing basic biology at school,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: didn't we Did you learn that?
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I didn't?
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I didn't, but I just did because I've got you.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I read the web. I read the web of life
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: in you eight and all the sixty year olds will
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: be like I read that too. But you know what
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: is You're exactly right in that the brain is always creating.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I mean your brain and your mind. That's your data
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: processing center, you know. So there's all these external stimuli,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: all these things happening, situation, circumstance, environment, upside down world,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: other people talking, and then without even realizing, we give
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: all of that meaning in real time, and then we
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: think our meaning is the meaning, like our version of
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: reality subjective is the objective version of reality. But pursuant
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to what you were saying, your honor about how you
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: know the hug might eventually like when I hug you
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: in the haptic suit, just explain to people who are
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out haptic what a haptic suit might be.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: So it's just where it's got sensors, is that right?
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Well, that was one of the things I wanted to
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: chat about because at the moment they use kind of
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: electric motors, so or.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Potentially I think we spoke about this on the show.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: It might even have been two years ago where they
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: were using electrical impulses, so like a really really tiny
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: little electrical impulse that causes your skin to feel a sensation.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: So you know what you've put your tongue on a
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: nine volt battery. Come on, everyone has, of course, Oh
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: fucking definitely.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: That's you know, whether they're working or not.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a six year old moron who became
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: a sixty year old moron. Of course I did that.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Well, if you think about it, if you had a
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: very minimal, minimal sensor that passed an electrical limpop, your
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: body reacts to that. But what they're currently working on
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: at the moment is actually using a robotic sleeve and
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: air pockets rather than motors because it would take less
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: power and they just have little tiny tubes and inflate
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: the area that's going to cause pressure. So if someone
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: was to grab your hand, then the little tiny air
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: pockets around your hand would suddenly inflate and it would
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: feel like someone's gripping you. So that's another way around.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: So it's lots of different that's being worked on at
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: the moment.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Or you could just be in the three dimensional
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: space and hug someone. But what I was going to
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: say is, have you ever seen that? It's quite a
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: It's been around quite a bit, but there's an experiment
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: where let's say I need I can't remember the precise details,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: but I remember seeing it a couple of times. So
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: you're sitting in front of me, and let's say you're
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: on one side of the table and I'm on the
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: other side of the table, and your arm is outside
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: your view of vision, but what is in your view
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: of vision is a false arm. Right now, you've seen this,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: have you where I've heard about it? Okay, So and
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: it's fucking amazing. So there's this guy every So let's
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: say my left arms outside of my field of view,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: but in front of me is like what looks like
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: a similar arm to mine, and so the guy would
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: touch the fake arm, but at the same time touch
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: your real arm. So he's touching and it feels like
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: the the it feels like well one, you are being touched.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: But then eventually he and he'll touch it heavier and heavier,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: so at the same time or more and more pressure,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: he's hitting the fake arm and your arm. Then eventually
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: he'll tap the fake arm without touching yours, and you
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: feel it right, and then you tap. He taps it
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: more and it actually hurts despite the fact that is
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: not you know, touching you. And then he will tap
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: you with a light hammer and he'd actually really tap
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: your arm and really tap the fake arm. Right then
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: he would not tap your arm, but he would smash
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: the fake arm with a hammer. So he smashes the
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: fake arm with a hammer and doesn't touch your real arm.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: But the person gets real pain, like which is fucking terrible. Yeah,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: it's amazing. Like our brain can create pain where there
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: is no reason for pain, and also create the absence
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: of pain where it's like there should be pain, No,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: that should fucking hurt. Now, imagine if we could figure
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: out this is not the show for that. But wouldn't
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: it be great if we could figure out that. You know,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: there's a friend of mine, doctor Calfried, who's been on
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: the show a bit. He's a medical doctor, but yeah,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: his whole thing is trying to understand pain and trying
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: to control pain without drugs. That's his life's purpose.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be amazing.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: You've often heard of people who are amputees who have
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: ghost limbs, so they still feel the limb that's been taken.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Why I think they call that phantom pain handsome pain.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: That's the one I'm saying ghost didn't I Well, ghosts fantoms.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: It's not fun phantom pain. Yeah, I know, I knew
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: where you were going.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: You I was going, Hey, you know we didn't even
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: speak about Christmas and New Year and stuff.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, did you get any cool toys or gadgets?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't. I mean I got You know, when you
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: have old parents, God bless them, you don't know. I mean,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: do you know what I did? Which was weird?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: My parents are eighty five? What am I going to do?
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go and buy mary address. I'm going
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: to go buy some perfume, you know, of course, I
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: or a hat like. Whatever I get her, she probably
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: won't like. I mean, she'll say she likes it because
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: she's your mum, right and beautiful. She'll never wear it,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: never spray it. So I tend to just give them
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: money and go go get what you want, which is
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: not very creative, but it's probably it's not. They're not
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: mad at it because they don't get cash, right, So
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I just give them cash and so. But I had
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: an idea, like, Mum and Dad are foodies, right, So
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I went to I made about three different trips to
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: different supermarkets and I spent not a lot, but I
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: well a fair bit. I spent like quite a few hundred,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: just buying them, like all these different things that they
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: probably wouldn't normally buy from, like you know, expensive booze
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: to rum and rais and chocolate, to sauces that they
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: might use on pastas, to Camembert cheese, to like just
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: all of these kind of not so ANDed groceries. And
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: they fuck it. And I bought this great, huge storage container,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: this plastic thing on wheels, and I filled that. Well,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: they fucking loved it. And it was like the world's
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: biggest hamper, hamper with shit they probably wouldn't buy themselves typically,
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: but stuff that they loved, you know, so and that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: gave me great joy and Mum rang me like three
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: days in a row, still unpacking it and still oh
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: my god. And you know, so it was not I mean,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: it wasn't that expensive really in the terms of what
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I would normally spend on them, But yeah, I loved it,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and they loved it, and it was kind of the
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: gift that kept giving because it you know, sometimes you
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: open one thing it's like that are but there was
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: literally probably one hundred and fifty things in there. They
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: loved it.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I did a hamper for my friends who lived
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: down the road from you, So.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: That was right.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And hampers are great when you count because you know,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: as you say, when you've got adults who pretty well
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: buy things for themselves exactly, a hamp is really really fun.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: We also do a bit of a joke gift this look.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I should say this on air
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: because someone in my family is probably listening, but if you.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Should, definitely say it. Yeah, I like for the greater
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: good Patrick. Of course, it's like shout out to your
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: family member, but it's like the other thousands are sitting
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: on the edge of.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: There or not.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: So I catch up with my family, but then on
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: Christmas Day or Christmas Night, I then catch up with
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: my friends who live down the road from you, because
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: they're really close and their two sons are like nephews
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: to me. And so one year, my brother went to
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Japan with the family, and it was about the time
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: of our birthday, because of course he's my identical twin brother,
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: and so he came back and brought a gift, and
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: the gift was a plastic fireplace and it's just like
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: these plastic logs with a fake flame and you turned
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: it on and you blew on it and it made
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: a sound effect of a fireplace.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Now i'd live in the country.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: I have a fireplace, a proper you bete thousand degree
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: burning like crazy fireplace. So to get a little plastic
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: desk fireplace which you could kind of see someone working
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: in an okio. So that was the gift, and I thought,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: so that's the joke gift. What's the real gift. Well,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: he wasn't, that was it. So that was the China that,
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: you know, the trip to Japan, you know, Mount Fuji,
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: all the amazing things. And I got this plastic fireplace.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: And I was telling my friends who I then caught
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: up with. I showed them this gift and they just
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: thought it was hilarious. And so what we've been doing
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: within the family is regifting it to each other with
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: this friend, these friends of mine, so we'll repackage it.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: And then when I went overseas for my fiftieth I
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: had my fiftieth birthday in Berlin, and that arranged for
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: me to get that gift set in Berlin on my
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: fiftieth birthday.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: So it's become a joke gift.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: And so I've hidden it at their house and they
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: can't find it, so it's currently at their home. So
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I had to come up with another gift for them
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: last year, so I bought them all something similar to
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: that and equally tacky, and it was little lanterns, you know,
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: little battery powered lanterns, just little fake fireplaces. But the
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: next day they had a power adage and they're all
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: sending me pictures of how consoling it was to have
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: their little fake lanterns and lights because the power had
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: gone out. And so it just backfired on me so
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: much because they all loved their gifts, and it wasn't
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: meant to be the gifts of love. It was meant
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: to be something tacky that was annoying for them because
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: there's four of them, and when they team up to
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: hide this fireplace at my house or to randomly give
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: it to me as a gift, I'm kind of it's
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: four against one. So I really backfired on me last
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: year when I gave them the mock fireplaces and lanterns
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: and things. But it's funny how those fun gifts can
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: also be a lot of fun. And so this past Christmas,
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I also we have a dice game that we play,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: and I went online and got them all little dice,
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: and I made a little flyer on how to play
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: this game.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It's a bit like yatsy.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: And then for the father, my mate who's there, he's
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: a little bit older than me, I got him giant
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: dice about to meet square, and then we played dice
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: in the laund room. But I think sometimes it's not
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: about I mean, whether it's the hamper or whether it's
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: just buying something small. It can be a lot of
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: fun and it doesn't have to be expensive. And I
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: think sometimes it's in the giving. The youngest son wrote
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: me this the nicest Christmas card I've ever been written
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: about how much you know he you know, how happy
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: he was being my friend and how much he wants
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: my future to be happy and all that sort of stuff,
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: And you think how profound. The fifteen year old kid, generally,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: you know, is a bit selfish.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: But and you met Chris.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: He did a show with this quick jumped up and
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: I've got the n this is Christmas card.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: What a gift that is? You know one.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it when young people can
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: be emotionally kind of available and talk to you. And
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be judgmental. It's just nice. Yeah,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: It's like there's a young guy who did which is
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: this is very atypical for my stuff. But I did
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: a mentor. By the way, everyone got a new mentoring group.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: It's just a blatant plug new mentoring group kicking off
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: on Feb three. Nice, go to my website, Craigcarpa dot
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: net brand new ten weeks. It's going to be good.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: The last one was great. But anyway, in the last
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: one which finished a little bit before Chrissy, there's a
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: young guy Patrick called Ozzie. Shout out to Ossie Triggwell,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Ozzie is going to be in the top ten one
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: day in the world surfer surfers, maybe number one. But
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: he's seventeen year old seventeen year old grommet right, and
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: he's just like life is just about fucking surf and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: sleep and food. That's it. Surf, sleep, food. He works,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: you know, but he's moved from wa to be in
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: the best spot, which is allegedly anyway where he needs
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: to be near coaches and stuff in Queensland. And I
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: kind of chat with him semi regularly just about mind
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: stuff and you know a little bit about you know,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: body stuff and training and recovery and prep and all
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: of that. But he's such a good kid. You know.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: You'll send me a message and at the end there'll
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: be like a heart or two, and I'm like, it's
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: just nice that a kid is this evolved and you know, comfortable,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: comfortable I guess to show emotion and and like he
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: there ain't many, you know. And I'm not saying kids
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: now worse than they were when we were kids. It's
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: at all. I'm just saying I wouldn't have done that
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: when I was seventeen. But he will send me a
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: message and say, harps, have you got ten minutes? And
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like sure, And then he asks me all these
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: great questions. I'm like, because at the same time, is
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: this complete bloody surfer you know, surf rat, you know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: like like smart but not particularly sophisticated, you know, just
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: his sleep, eat, surf repeat. But some of the questions
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: are quite profound because he wants to be he wants
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: to be great, and I love that. And I especially
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: in the days where you know, so much communication is
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: not verbal, you know, so much is not two people
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: having a conversation. It's kind of refreshing. So I love that.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of younger people now are much
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: more in touch with their emotions. I see my nephews
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: now in his mid twenties, but all of his mates
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: that he went through school with, it's lovely to see
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: that they still hug each other, you know, yeah, that
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: they barriers to tactile contact that you know, the typical
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Australian male thing seem to be a thing of the past, hopefully,
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: because I think the more that we're in touch with
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: who we are, the more we can open up. And
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: men traditionally are really really bad at the doing that.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: I listened to a podcast a few years ago called
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: The Lonely American and it documented how men over the
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: age of forty and now the suicide rates increasing. For
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: those people, they tend to get divorced, they struggle getting
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: new relationships, They've become estranged from family quite often, you know,
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: break up, the kids go with mum, and that's I mean,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: I'm not kind of typecasting, but that can happen quite regularly.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: And so what happens is they see there's been a
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: big spike in men committing suicide over the age of forty,
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: which is really.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Sad, lonely American.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: And so the more that you know, we bring up
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: young people to be more connected with their emotions and
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: be able to talk about things that are bothering them
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: more things that.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Are according causing concern.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: Hopefully it means that they've got the peer support to
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: be able to know they can talk to their mates
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: when something isn't going one percent, that's really important.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I've found interesting? And we'll get
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: onto tech after this everybody. But I don't know. Sometimes
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like, ah, this is what I'm meant
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: to do now, whether or not that's just my mind
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: or there's I'm sure it's just my mind, or maybe
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: it's just a culmination of circumstances and observations and events.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: But I feel lately like my audiences with my like
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: for example, my last mentoring group was seventy five percent
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: or seventy percent female. When I do a big event
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: it's a deacon university where we have seven hundred people
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: in a room. Typically in the past it's been six
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: hundred and fifty men and women and fifty men right,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So very heavily female oriented. Not because I'm Brad Pitt,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: but because typically the stuff that I talk about and
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: share and explore. For whatever reason, more women than men
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: have been into it. That's shifting a little bit. So
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: the numbers are changing, still predominantly women, but a greater
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: percentage of men. But what I am noticing is a
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: lot more of the people that are reaching out to me,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: not a suggestion everyone, but that I'm kind of talking
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to or helping, you know, incidentally or intentionally, are men.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: And I really feel like young men need older men,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: and of course women, but in some context an older
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: dude who can and I don't mean that that needs
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: to be me, but just an older man who is
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: going to just love them and give them some support
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: and just go you know what. It might be a
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: bit of tough love. You fucked up, but that's okay,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: own it and you can do better. And I'm here
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: for you. Do you need anything? And you know yeah,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I I oh my god, No, I'm not going to
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: say who, but a well known like a very very
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: well known person in their profession sent me message on
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: New Year's Day, a dude and it was just the
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: nicest message I got over the Christmas New Year period,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: like made me cry. Nice and like from a many
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: man man saying, you know, just just great stuff. And
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: it's like, I'm so proud of him for the journey
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: that he has been on the evolution and the development.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: And it's so good to be able to and of
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: course the majority of people that I coach and support
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: and speak to women, but it's great also that men
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: some men, and the numbers seem to be increasing anecdotally
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: on Planet Craig anyway that are going I need help
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: with this, or I'm the problem with that, or can
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: of a fucking hug, you know, whatever it is. I
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: just like that that the chest beating alpha maleness is
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: being you know, we still need strong men, but we
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: also need sensitive, understanding, compassionate men, you know, and it's nice.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: These conversations are nice.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: It's interesting that, you know, we sometimes forget that we're
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: not an isolated little body floating out in space, and
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: that quite often the things that we're going through other
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: people are going through as well.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Other people have thought the same things.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: And sometimes just by reaching out and saying I had
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: this thought or I'm going through this, suddenly it can
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: be that little tiny crack that breaks open the dam
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: and the flood waters come through and that can be
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: a good thing too, So it's nice to know that, yeah,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: we're not isolated and alone, and it's very easy for people.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: And particularly at this time of the year.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: We had pretty good Christmases, and I get a sense
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: that you had a pretty good Christmas, although you did
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: have an emotional journey, and part of that journey was
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: spending some time so we won't go through it, but
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: spending some quality time with somebody at a stage in
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: their life who's been very important to you is actually
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: a special gift. And I got the same thing happened
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: to me where I spent some time with somebody who
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: was not long after passed away. But that sharing and
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: the love between us over a twenty minute period holding
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: hands is something that will be with me for the
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: rest of my life and is an amazing gift. And
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: we can look at any experience and look at the
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: positive and negative, but if you focus on the positive
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: side of it, that can actually be realdy or inspiring
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: and help us move forward. I think on the journey
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: that we have when we have someone who we lose,
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: we can still think about them positively.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Don't you think.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: It is such an interesting you know what I've just
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: made an executive decision. We're going to do the tech
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: episode soon. Today we're just going to talk about this.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: I think if you're all right with that, if you're well,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I just I just think what we're talking about is important.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: Tell you about.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Mikes because when you were telling me the story before
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: we went on edge yours and I don't know how
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: much you want to say about that, but if I
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: can just share this, you're going to freak out as
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: to how close it was to what happened to you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: So just between the COVID breaks, when we had the
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: little lifting of restrictions, my best friend who I grew
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: up with, best friend from grade one, I've just been
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: in my family. I was in his place every weekend,
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: and you know, I had a kind of Mediterranean background,
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: so very kind of you know, the Wog family. You know,
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: you had to when you went out somewhere, if someone
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: offered you a drink, you wouldn't actually say yes until
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: you got the nod from mum or dad. You had
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: to be on your absolute best behavior. So when I
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: go to it and your family, multi is a of course, yeah, yeah,
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: that's right.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: So when I went to the mate's place.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: His mum would say, look, I'll offer you a drink,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: but then you just go to the fridge and help yourself.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: And it's just really super relaxed.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: You know, if they bought a new TV and they
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: had a big cardboard box, we'd turn it into a
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: cardboard box city and take our sleeping bags out and
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: that would right in the middle of their lounge room.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: So Jeff's mum was amazing, Patty. She was just awesome.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: And you were twenty two at the time, though.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Great, Yeah.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Grade one was the best four years of my life.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: But when she battled through cancer, you know, she really
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: did it hard. And then when you know, a few
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: days before she passed away, I sat with her in
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: Geelong in her room and held her hand and we talked,
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: and she looked at me and she said, thanks for
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: being such a good friend to Jeff over this whole
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: time we're talking forty five years.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Thanks for such a good friend.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: And we sat there just holding hands and talking, and
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: that you know, twenty minutes or so was so special
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: because we just had a restriction lifted so I could
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: spend time, I could go to the hospital and got
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: to spend that really really amazing quality time and personal connection,
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: you know, being able to share emotions and journeys and time,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: and some journeys you can't put a finger on because
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: time deepens the relationship, you know. I had my best
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: mate come down recently and we've been friends for twenty years,
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: and that was the nicest thing about Christmas, sharing it
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: with friends, you know, that sort of stuff.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: So I think that the more we can do that.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: And I know you had a really challenging journey because
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: you went through something almost identical, didn't you.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I mean I'll share about it in a minute.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: But what I personally, what I love about podcasting is this.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I love that we can go We're just going to
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: talk about this now. It's like, well, we had a plan,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: but this is better for now. And I think sometimes
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: like I sometimes go to see someone or have a
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: conversation with someone, or do a thing and then in
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: the moment, I'm like, I don't know why, but this
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: is not the thing I should do. This is the
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: thing I should do. And so maybe who knows, maybe
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: this conversation for people will be meaningful or relevant, or
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: maybe one or two people be helpful and perhaps comforting. Right,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like you so, and I've spoken a little
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: bit about you know, my family grew up in parallel to,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: you know, very very close to geographically and emotionally and
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: socially to another family where they're called the Powzer family
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: pow t More well, and we grew up together. And
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: they've got four daughters, and Rod and Mary have got
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: one son. And I was like the fifth kid. I
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: was like the boy and the family and they were
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: like the girls in my family, and it was all
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: very interwoven. And their mum's name was Ray and Rae
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: and she passed away a few days ago and she
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: was very very unwell. And on Christmas Day the families,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: our families have every Christmas Day together for the last
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: million years. And obviously she couldn't be there. She was
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: in hospital, coming towards the end of her life. And
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: so I left the Christmas lunch. I had lunch with everybody,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: and then I went out by myself to the hospital
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: to see Ray and yeah, I just sat with her
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and her husband, Gil was there, so it was just
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: me and him. But I got there and he was
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: sitting in a chair next her, and then he kind
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: of moved away and I sat next her and the same,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: you know. And it's funny. I sat with her for
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: an hour, give or take. And I don't want to
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: say what she said, but she's she said a lot
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: of amazing things. She's still cognitively fine. She was in
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: lots of lots of pain and lots of drugs and
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: lots of things happening, but she could communicate and so
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: could I. And it was you know, like you truly
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: And I know this sounds a cliche, but I was
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: literally sitting there thinking how precious that moment was, but
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: it was in context of my time knowing her, it
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: was just another moment. But when you know, this is
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: probably the last moment, right, And I thought, imagine and
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: obviously we can't travel through life with that awareness or
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: that level of gratitude all of the time or that perspective.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: But I came out of there and I can't tell
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: you what she said because I'll cry, But but I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: came out of there, and I sat in my car
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: and had a meltdown, and I just remember thinking, like,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: like this really all that matters, Like I know, on
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: a practical level, day to day life, pay bills, you know,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: go for a jog, be a dickhead, you know, fuck around,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: record a podcast, all that trying, and all of those
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: things matter, but ultimately, like you know, what matters is
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: love and connection and belonging, and you know, having that,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: you know other things matter too. But in that moment,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh, like I've had that a few times
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: in my life where I have, you know, this profound awareness,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: this profound realization that I theoretically know it. But then
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: when you're in those moments, you're like, now I'm in that.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Now I'm yeah, and yeah, I think I think just realizing,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: you know, and then it gave me I'll shut up
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: after this. But then, you know, then I think, how
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: many Chris Misses are left with mum and dad, you know,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: without being more But just that's a good that's a
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: good awareness. How many more trips to morewell will I have?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: How many more Mary hugs and uncomfortable clunky ron hugs
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: will I have? Do you know what I mean? And
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: then you're like, in the context of the shit that
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I waste energy on, the bullshit that I waste energy
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: on emotional energy or physical energy or mental energy, how
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: does that in terms of importance that stuff I waste
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: energy on compared to the importance and the value and
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: the significance of my mum and dad. Well it's not
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: even a one on one hundred scale, you know. So yeah,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I know that's very deep and philosophical, but you know,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: just just that that kind of Yeah, it was. It
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: was a bittersweet, you know, it was really and much
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: much of course, infinitely harder for the girls and Gil
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: the husband. But yeah, such a beautiful time. And I'll
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: like you mate with with you know, your friend's mum, like,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: I will never forget that never.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Two things occurred to me when you were talking about that,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: and the first was, I know we spoke about this.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: I think in a previous episode, I did a mindfulness workshop,
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: and mindfulness is just enjoying the moment, focusing on the moment, and.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: That can be quite profound.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: And if you try to practice mindfulness every day, and
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: it might be through breathing, it could be through meditating, yoga,
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: tai chi, but there's lots of different ways to be mindful,
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: and it's about not allowing the distractions to kind of
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: take us away.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: From that moment.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: And I think when you're emotionally focused in your case
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: on somebody you cared about so deeply.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: That was mindfulness for you.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: Because every second you work in a lie, anything distract
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: you from that hour you spent holding the hand, the
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: tactile control, you know, the feeling of the person, listening
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: to what they were saying. Every word would be kind
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: of seed into your memory because you knew this was
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: something that was so super special that you wanted to
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: record it to that brain hard drive and not let
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: it disappear. And so that's where mindfulness kicks in. So
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: sometimes we don't realize we're practicing mindfulness until it kind
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: of presents itself like this.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: But we can, we can bring it on.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: We can bring on the state of mindfulness at any
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: different time. And you know, one of the little exercises
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: I do with my tai Chi group is simply holding
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: your breath, so you know, breathing in for four seconds,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: holding for four seconds and then letting it go for
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: four seconds, and then you increase that to six seconds,
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: to eight seconds, to ten seconds, and just thinking about breathing,
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: breathing in.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: You know, see if you take a long, slow, deep breath.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: You know, there was a little study that was done
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: a few years ago into how much and how rapidly
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: we breathe. We tend to operate on high adrenaline a
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: lot of the time in our society. We're looking at
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: you know, smartphones, we're driving in traffic, we're getting frustrated,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: and so we tend to shallow breathe. And what it
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: was found was that it's believed that we take twice
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: as many breaths as our grandparents did. We don't deep breathe,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: We just shallow breathe constantly. So that's one of the
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: big things that I like to do is take nice, long, slow,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: deep breaths. And when I was referring to the mindfulness thing,
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: the other thing that popped in my mind is when
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: are you not mindful?
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: When are you angry?
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: And there's nothing I think that can get us more
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: angry instantly than being cut off in traffic, someone tailgating you.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: You know, think about.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Being on the road and the things that other drivers
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: do that can rile you. Now I'm not suggesting it
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: sparks a road rage incident, but you can see why
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: it sparks a road rage incident. So we can go
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: from mindful to hate full and angry in such a
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: flip of a switch, can't we and maybe taking a
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: deep breath and think. And the thing is what I
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: kind of try to think about as well, is that
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: person who cut us off? There's reasons for that. We've
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: spoken about that in other shows. Why was that person angry?
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: You know, maybe they're going through a lot of shit
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: in their lives right now. Maybe they're just not concentrating
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: and something's happened to loved ones passed away, or they've
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: had a terrible you know, diagnosis or something along those lines,
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: or they've just got sacked from their job.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: So people don't I don't think anybody intentionally cuts someone off,
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: But we take such an aversion to that, we take
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: such a personal aversion to someone doing the wrong thing
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: by us, that we easily jump to the conclusions.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: In our own mind.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: We create this fictitious situation where that person has done
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: that to me. You know, they've cut you off, They've
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: done the worst possible thing, you know. You know they
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: haven't killed your dog, you know they you know that
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: they haven't robbed you of all your possessions. But yet
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: the emotions that you feel in that moment, you know,
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: maybe try to be how hard is it to be
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: mindful and take a breath and say, you know what,
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to slow down.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to think.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: About it, because it's better for you to not have
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: your heart rate suddenly jumped two hundred bats per second
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: per minute, I should say, you know, and your blood
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: pressure go through the roof, because you're not doing yourself
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: any favors by getting angry anyway.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: And you're not creating good outcomes, like generally the other
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Pursuant to this, Patrick, You're exactly right for the most part.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: I wasn't always, but these days, for the most part,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: I'm really calm. Like I rarely get you know, I
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: get I got a bit sad over Christmas, of course,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: but I don't really get too sad too often or
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: too anxious too often. And I don't get angry very often.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: But I can get angry when I see people being
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: or when people are really rude, I mean overtly rude
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: and overtly inappropriate, and like I find it. I know,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: there's a shock. So the other day I was at
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: the gym and I was working out, and this young
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: guy walked there's this new thing happening in gym's and
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: it's called tailgating. They call it tailgating, right, Yeah, So
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: all it means is Patrick's got a gym membership and
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: he's taken three of his mates to the gym. And
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Patrick clicks the door, which has got you know, you've
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: got your card, you're twenty four hour pass. You walk
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: in and three year mates walking behind you.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: You've done that with me before. It your gym, haven't you.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I've never done that. Don't be an idiot. Don't be
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: an idiot. And so this young kid walked in and
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: there were three kids that followed him in. They're all teenagers.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Now that's you know, that's neither here nor there. But
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: they were just being little pricks. So there were three
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: of them in there. They were hanging off shit, they
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: were fucking around, They're being morons. They were allowed, they
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: were being inconsiderate, and I'm like, oh god, like I can't.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know, like what do I do? Do I walk?
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: It's not my gym. At the same time, this is like,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: this is like they're being a little pricks. Let's I'm
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: going to be honest, like their behavior was unacceptable. They
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: are rude, they're inconsiderate, like they were disruptive. So I
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: walk up and I go, I don't know who I am,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: not that I'm anyone. I go, go, boys, can I
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: see you membership cards? And they all look at me.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: They all look at me. Yeah, and they don't know
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: if I'm someone or no one, right, But I had
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: the don't fuck with me look, and they're all like
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: and there was two of them were like h and
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: one of them was just I can't even say what
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: I want to say. But anyway, here's my point. It
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: kind of ended, Okay, I kind of sorted something with them,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: but I got so angry so quickly, not as in
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: X like I would do anything to them or lose
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: my shit and scream, but relevant to what you said,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I could feel my blood pressure pressure Patrick, it's like
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: a fucking million over half a million, and I don't yeah,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I yeah, that's a thing where I go, I don't
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: want to be that. But then at the same time,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: you know, there was I think it was Sir Edmund
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Burke who wrote and obviously this is aged not well
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: because it was a gender specific, but he said, and
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I like the philosophy behind this. He said, all that's
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: do nothing. And I'm like, well, when people are doing
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: bad shit in front of me, when people are being
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: inappropriate or rude or thoughtless or careless, like, do I
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: just go Do I just go to another part of
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: the gym, Like nobody's doing anything, and I'm well aware
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: before anyone sends me a message it's not your responsible.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: I'm well aware. But is it? Though? Like if I
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: walk outside and someone's hurting someone, do I just go? Ah,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not getting involved, Like there are so many scenarios
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: where and it's not about being a hero or being
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: anyone's savior. It's just like, ah, I don't. And there's
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: been lots of times where I have this moral compass
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: and maybe it's wrong, I don't know, but I go, well,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I'm quite strong and quite big so that I can
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: help this person, and so I would not jump in
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: and punch anyone, but just intervene to do what I
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: thought was protecting someone.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: But I've been sitting videos.
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: You know, My algorithm on YouTube is so boring because
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: of course the more you watch of certain things, the
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: more that just propagates the same sorts of videos.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: So it's lots of tech stuff.
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: I love watching short sci fi, some LGBT stuff which
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: is really cute, you know, that sort of thing, And
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: so I tend to only have a curated list of
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: things that are suggested to me by Google via YouTube.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: But someone sent me a link to I can't remember
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: what it was, you know, the small guy getting in
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: on the big guy. You know something that so small
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: guy gets picked on, ends up that he's a judo expert, and.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: It gets gets stumped or something.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: But then it opened up a whole lot of other
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: videos and you know what occurred to me, not what
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: the violent acts were, but people were filming them and
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: letting them happen in front of them. You know, that's
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: you know, how many videos are there of people showing
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: these things being perpetrated, someone being bullied, you know, kids
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: showing other kids being bullied, or someone being beaten up,
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: or someone being abusive, and what are all the spectators doing.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: They're being spectators And that's the difficult to step in.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: You know, when you were talking about the boys in
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: the gym, and I can see that, you know, the
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: boys follow their mate in their tailgating so they can
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: get access to the gym, and they were piss farting
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: around and being teenage boys. And the thing is, I
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: guess why were they doing that. Maybe they couldn't afford
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: the membership. Maybe they thought it was fun just to
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: get in there for a lark, they wanted to hang
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: out with their mate. And you know, thinking beyond that
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: is really hard for us to do, because you know,
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: they were impacting your personal space.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: You pay for your.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: Membership and they're sneaking in. You know, the three of
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: the guys didn't have a membership, or four of them
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: didn't have an membership, and that makes you angry. And
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: it's really hard to look beyond that. And it's human
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: nature to be riled up by those things. And I'm
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: not suggesting that anybody can can do that. I'm not
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: suggesting that, you know, you could have turned the other
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: cheek and suddenly mentored these kids and showing them how
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: to bench press properly or whatever.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: It's a hard thing.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: It's a hard journey because the problem is when we
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: get riled up, you know, it's like we you know,
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: the term we see red is just that we've suddenly
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: got to filter over our eyes. We've got the blinker
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: vision on. We go down one path and maybe unless
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: you're the Dalai Lama or you know somebody who shows
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: so much compassion, unless we practice compassion or do we
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: mindfully do that? Do we sit down and say, right
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: what act of compassion can I perform today?
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Will that make us better people?
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: If we You know, you were talking about the haptic
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: contact and the fake arm and eventually you know you
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: feel that you feeling that touch even though it's not
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: your real arm. Well, maybe by by evaluating and saying, Okay,
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: I'm going to take the five extra breaths before I
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: make a decision on what I'm going to do to
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: these kids, whether I'm going to approach them, or how
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: my reaction is going to be when I approach them.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: You know, what do I say to them? How could
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: that play out differently? Because we don't give ourselves the
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: time to do that and maybe I don't know, maybe
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: it takes a better person than me, potentially, I got
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: to say, but to sit back and say, I'm going
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: to think for five seconds before I act. You know,
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to a rash decision. I'm not going
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: to cut that person off. I'm not going to tailgate them.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: You know, They've just cut me off, it's just stuck
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: their finger up at me. But I'm going to take
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: a few breaths, and is it in the grand scheme
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: of things really going to make a change to my life,
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: the universe and everything. You know, how many stories have
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: you heard of people who've made rash decisions in the
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: heat of the moment? Murder is committed in the heat
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: of the moment, that's the most you know, very few
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: people plan out a murder unless you're.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: A hit man, I guess, or a hit person.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: But the reality of it is, I don't know what
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: the statistics are, but you certainly hear that most acts
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: of passion, you know, the crime of passion. We've all
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: heard that statement before, a crime of pain, And that's
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: that's hitting that moment of when emotions take over and
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: rationale and the rational brain suddenly just goes out the door.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Now, now I'm going to say, in my defense, your honor,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: it didn't bother me that they all snuck in. That
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: bothered me, but that that wasn't why I went up
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: to them. Yeah, they were being they were being really
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: inappropriate in front of people, like they were creating a problem.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: And that's but anyway, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: have done it. Maybe I shouldn't think you did the
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: right thing. I think that people don't. I've told this
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: once before, but I heard this noise. You know where
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I live, and you know the street I live. On
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: the end of my driveway. I heard this screaming and
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck is That sounded like a child.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: And I went out and I opened I went out.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: I was in just like shorts, bare feet and a
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: singlet and there was this father, well I didn't know,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: but there was this grown ass man my size whacking
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: this small child what like, at the end of my driveway.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: And the kid was cowering and screaming, Oh my god, wow.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, and I just got between him and
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: the child. And you know, anyway, it doesn't matter. But
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: and he goes to me, he's my child, that was
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: his rationale. Yeah, I go, he's fucking five years old.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: You're a grown ass man. And I told him I
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: would hit him if he touched the child. I go,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: if you touch that child, I'll hit you. I don't
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: give a fuck if you're the father. And I told
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: him he should be ashamed of him. Fucking I don't
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: understand how how fucking disconnected do you need to be
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: to do that? And then when someone confronts you explain
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: that it's okay because he's your child, I'm like, what
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: the fuck is wrong with you? It's such a literally
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: said that to him, What is wrong with you?
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: It's the Neanderthal thing. I don't know.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: And you wonder what happens when he's not on a
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: main street in public. Yeah, poor little bugger. Well that's
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: not a very bright fucking anyway, listener. Social vigilities. I
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I'm not a dad, I'm
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: not a parent. What do I know?
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: But it's hard.
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: It's difficult, Look, Parrington, parenting is really difficult. My colleague
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: and his wife have their little girls, probably going to
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: I think she turns too in March and March this year,
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: and he says to me so many times, this is
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: the hardest thing we've ever done. They've only got one kid,
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: and I think of my mum who had four boys
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: and two wins.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: And it's like, how the hell did she do that?
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: How do mum say?
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: Superheroes like the absolute parents can be absolute superheroes. And
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: when people do it right, they just do it so well.
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: But the challenges it's really hard, and I've never had
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: to face that. You know, it's great that my friends
• 48:08
  Speaker 3: let their kids come and stay with me and then
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: I send them back. Yeah, you know, it's great to
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: do the quality time, to do the fun stuff, you know,
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: that sort of thing.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: You know, I've been told nine million times you'd be
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: a great dad, But I actually don't think I would.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know you would.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I think i'd be. I think I
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: would be so I feel like i'd be over protective
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: and I don't definitely would not want to believe that.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bit of a hellicols.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: I know what teenage boys are like, so if I
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: had a daughter, I'd be fucking terrible. But anyway, mate,
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: we've got to go tell people how to connect with
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: you and build a beautiful relationship. With Patrick James Bonello
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: over twenty twenty five.
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: It's funny because my business is like building websites and
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: marketing and logos and branding and all that sort of stuff.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: And you know the websites websites now, dot com, todau.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: If you want to connect so websites now dot com
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: today you but I feel like, if you really want
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: to get to know me, go to my Taichi website,
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: tied Shei at home dot com, todau, because you know,
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: it's not it's funny what defines a person.
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: It's not one little thing.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: It's just that conglomerate of everything, those that lovely melting pot,
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: you know. Today, I'm going to go after we finish now,
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: I'll probably take Fritz out for a walk, go for
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: a one down the street. There's an opshop that I
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: want to go to. I'll probably see lots of people.
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: The wonderful thing living in a small town is you
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: get to see so many people and to them. There
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: was a little arts group that had had lost their
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: gallery space and they've just taken over another building. And
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: there was this poor woman trying to get a post
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: out of the ground that was bolted to another post.
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: And I was walking past and I looked at it,
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: and I started chatting to her, and she was really
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: concerned that a kid might swing off it, because a
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: kid had done that the day before. So I ended
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: up spending fifteen minutes trying to get us screw out
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: of the bottom of a post. And then we got
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: chatting and I had a look at the art space.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: I'm digressing with chatting again. I know the podcasts almost over.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: But I love that. I love that you know. So
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: many different things make up who we are.
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: So Yeah, if you want to know about tech and
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: you want to get a website, or you want to
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: talk branding and marketing, yeah, go to websites now, dot com,
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: tot are you?
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: But you know what, do some ti cheet with me virtually?
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: You know, jump on too, tie chee at home and
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: maybe you know, see some of the exercises. Catch up
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: with me and Fritz when we do our tie cheet together.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. If you want to get to know me, go
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: to my tai cheat website.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: You remind me of Mary. Mary rings me and she goes,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: are you busy? I go, yeah, I can't talk, and
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: she goes, all right, I'll be brief and then starts talking.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you just said can I talk? And I
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: said no, God bless her. All right, mate, thank you,
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: Jeez.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: Sarah