Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Advice From Your Big Sister with Tinx

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Advice From Your Big Sister with Tinx · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, hello Catherine, Hey Chelsea, you know what, why
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: don't we start with dates today? Because I know your
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Eugene Oregon show had to be rescheduled for March fourth
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: and Portland is on March five now, but what else
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: do you have going on? Okay? So I have some
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: announcements for my stand up. We've rescheduled Vancouver and Calgary
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: dates to August twelfth and thirteen, so they are no
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: longer on April three. Now. The Grammys are on April three,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: and I have to go to the Grammys this year
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: because I'm nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album. Okay,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: so I had to reschedule my Vancouver and Calgary dates.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: That's Canada, and all the other dates existing are staying
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: the same, so we have that to celebrate as well.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: And yeah, what else, Catherine? You look very vivacious today,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I would say, is the word. My hair is doing
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: like a Kelly Kapowski thing, and I'm not mad about it.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: It's just like different. I don't know who Kelly Kapowski is,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: but I like the way that that your hair looks.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: It looks like you were freshly something recently, like something positive. Happened. Well,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was gonna say several positive things happened
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: last night, but that's probably not something you can talk
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: about on the air. I don't see why. I don't
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: see why not. I mean, what's stopping you? Just sex stuff? Really?
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: But okay, well, I'm glad for you and I'm glad
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: for Brad. It seems like the two of you are thriving.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: We're just we're truly are with your fiscal your fiscal sexuality.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: That's your area of expertise, fiscal sexuality. That's right, that's right.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I'm always reading finance books, or especially books about how
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: finances make people feel like that to me is very interesting.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I know, I know I don't have a good handle
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: on that because I don't struggle with finances, and even
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: when I did, I was so broke for so long
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: that I just always knew I would have money, Like
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I always assumed i'd be successful. I just knew it.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I had like a dollar credit card debt when I
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: was a waitress because I would take everyone out all
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the time before I had money, and I just charge
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: it to credit cards. I was like, I'll get this later.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: That was actually something that Colleen said she was like
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: even when she had no money, she was she would
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: always treat she was very generous. But my friends, like
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: three of them filed for bankruptcy when we were in
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: her twenties and they just got a clean slate, And
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, that is such fucking horseship rude. Yeah,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So I never did that. I was like, I'm paying
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: my money back. I'm never gonna steal, Like I mean,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I'll steal, but not from not for the that set up, Like,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: you know, you make that kind of debt, you should
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: incur that kind of debt, you should pay it back.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: So I did, Yeah, but I was never like, oh
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: sud I mean I was like, oh, yeah, thirty thousand
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: dollars in credit card fees. I mean, Bill's no problem
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: with this, and he guess what, it wasn't a problem.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: So you have to believe. Do you feel like because
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: you just expected success to happen, that was part of
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: what helped it like manifest itself in the universe. Yeah.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I think when you have one singular notion and you're
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: only working towards that notion, like there's nothing that can
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: get in your way. When you're headstrong and you think
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: like this is your destiny and you believe that, then
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: that is what is going to happen. What else is
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: going to happen? You know, you're not putting your efforts
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: towards I certainly wasn't, but it wasn't putting my efforts
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: towards being a good waitress, which was what I was doing.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I wasn't like I was like, I gotta make this work,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: and last I was like, oh okay, Like how do
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I get the funk out of this job? I've always
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: been inherently lazy, even if I work a lot, my
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: my go to Like yesterday, I had a big thing
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: that was canceled at the last minute, so I had
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: the whole day off. I went over to the house. Yeah, hello,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, I wasn't upset, and I
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: had been dieting for this thing, like I had been
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: really being the shoot. Yeah, and it got canceled. So
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I ended up going to my girlfriend's house and we
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: smoked a duby at around ten thirty in the morning.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Then we went to launch at Javier's in Century City.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I had to Margarita's. We came home, I went home,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: got into bed, took it edible and watched oz Arcs
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: for probably six hours, and yes I was I was like,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay up. I'm gonna stay up, and then
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm not. As soon as it hit
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: nine thirty, I was out. And then Joe came home
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: at ten thirty from his trip and I was out cold,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and I was just like, what a beautiful day. Like
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: That's how I would like aside from working out, I
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: really just want to be in bed all day long. Yeah.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: My my one mentor, she's always called it a flow day,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: which kind of sounds like a period thing, but it
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: does not. She just says, like, have a day where
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: you just do the next thing you want to do.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: You wanted to get a margarita, and then you wanted
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: to lay in bed and watch os Ark, and then
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: you wanted to you know. It's just like, just just
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: have a day where you don't have any plans. You
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: just do the next thing whenever you want to do it.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I said to my dermatologist this morning. I was like, hey,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, I told her what I did yesterday.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I could just feel the judgment coming from r because
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: she has four children and she's just like, what you
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: sat in bed and watched O Talk all day. It's like, yeah, bitch,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: that's exactly what I did. Some people could never do that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: People people that will never ever lie in bed all day. No,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: or they can't because they have like nine kids running around,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: or even like two kids running around. Like, people don't understand.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, yeah, like slept until ten. They're like,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: what is your life? I'm like, that's kind of that's
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: not crazy if you don't have kids. Yeah, no, I know.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I That's the only thing that I'm not good at
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: is I don't sleep in anymore. I wake up early,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Like if I sleep till eight, that's late. Yeah, I'm
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I'm getting worse about that. Like last weekend I was
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: able to sleep late into the morning, but it's been
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: months since I've slept on the weekend past, like even
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: like nine. I think. Yeah, I think that's an age thing.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: As you get older, you stopped sleeping in. Yeah. Also
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: getting just like excited for coffee in the morning. Do
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: you ever have that? I'm not excited for I'll wake
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I'll go to sleep, and I'll be like, but in
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the morning, I could have coffee. I mean, I've been
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: taking these little Kiani boosters. He's caffeine like from my
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: one of my nutrition has sent them to me, and
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: it's like a mine sharpener and it just like wakes
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: you up and makes you alert. So I have that
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: in lieu of coffee a lot, and that really works. Well,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: that's nice. Yeah, I know, it's like a shot and
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: you just wake up. Because I'm not that into coffee.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I just drink it, you know, as like a you know,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: if I'm strinking it socially, it's like alcohol for me.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Just if other people are around, you'll have it. Uh No,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: it's like what alcohol is for other people. Coffee is
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: to me. So alcohol I could have alone or with
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: a friend. But coffee I usually have if someone's there
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: and they're having coffee. Like Joe loves coffee, so I'll
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: go with him and get a coffee. It's a problem
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: if you're drinking it alone. Well, I tried to have
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: one of his coffees, which is like a triple latte
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: with oat milk, and I'm like, uh, then I had
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: diarrhea for the entire day. I'm like, get away from
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: me with these trips. I don't need a triple fucking
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: I needed to you, Joe, by the way, he's bouncing
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: off the walls and then and he falls asleep. Yeah,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: he has like so boundless energy, it seems so. I'm
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: sure more now that he's been working out with you
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: and Ben Bruno. Yeah, his body is really coming together.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: His friends probably all think, either're like, oh fun he
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: started dating Chelsea and she fucking whipped his ass into shape.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: You know that. Everyone's like, oh, she's got him skin.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: He's in lost twenty pounds. Oh my god. I know. Well,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: let's talk about our guest for today, shall we. Oh? Yeah,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: our guests is Funny Okay, so I guess today. She
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: is kind of known as the big sister of TikTok.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: She has a new podcast it's called It's Me Tanks,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: which will launch Monday, February one, and I'm excited to
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: welcome her to the show because I have been watching
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: her on TikTok for a long time. So please welcome Tanks. Tanks,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: be here. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: because we have so much in common, because you're kind
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: of like a self annoyed alcohol that I'm sorry, I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: am an alcoholic. I just realized that it's CDC put
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: out a message about however many drinks is average for
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: a man, like eight to sixteen anything over that. You're
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: an alcoholic as a man, but for a woman it's
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: much less. And I'm like, you know what, this is
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: another sexist because like, fuck you, why are we supposed
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: to drink less than men? We're the ones who have
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: to deal with men, which causes us to drink even more. Exactly,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: it's it's really the CDC is sexist and unclear. Frankly,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I don't trust them as far as I can throw them.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: They can't count for ships, so who are they to
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: count my cocktails per week? That's a great point, tanks,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: that's a great point. Anyway, I cut you off. What
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: else do we have in common place? You're like a
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: self anointed big sister of TikTok? Like I didn't. I
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: didn't realize that you are basically giving advice to the
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: masses and giving your opinions and advice to people who
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: are it's solicited and unsolicited, really, because sometimes it is solicited,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: But I fucking love that and that's how I operate it.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I'm constantly giving out information, whether people are asking for
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: it or not. Yeah, I just kind of run my mouth.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And I do believe in sharing information and passing on
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: what I know, because if I can save a girl
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: three weeks from like agonizing over a fun boy with
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: just like a little mind trick that I've used, then
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: that's a win. Right. I don't know everything, but I
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: might know a little bit more than than some people.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: And I also love asking for advice, So I think
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: that that it goes both ways. Like I love learning things.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I love, you know, hearing like from my friends how
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: did you do that? I love reading memoirs, especially from women,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: and just learning like you know, how did you pay?
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: How did you do it? And then I pass it on.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So yeah, and sometimes it's unsolicited, but I think that
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I'm always right, so people need to hear. Yeah, that's
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: exactly how I feel like my opinion is valuable. The
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: more the people I get to, the better for the world, exactly.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I also think it's important to recognize when you are
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: to share things with women, you know, because I have
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: so many friends in this industry who are very secretive
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: about the things and the little tricks that they do
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: to lose weight or look younger, or what they're doing
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: in your face or their body. So that's another area
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: where I feel very passionate about doing the opposite, because
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: you should be letting other women in on the secret's,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: not keeping them and hoarding them for yourself. I totally agree,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: and I think whatever you do is your business and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: that's fine, but you can't, like, because I'm now in
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: the public eye, so to speak, I feel a responsibility
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: to say what I've had done, so I'm not, you know,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: setting unrealistic expectations for girls that are younger than me.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I love botox, and I say that, and I say
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I get it all the time, and I use very
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: expensive skincare. But but I tell you know, I'm like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: this is what I do. I don't just like drink
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: a lot of water, any poach salmon, like as all
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: the celebrities lied in the nineties that that's all they did.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: You put alive oil on your face, jail or you're
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: you're lying, like, no, you will also poach salmon. You
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: can only have like for three days in a row
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: before you never forget want. So that's a lie right there.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: So that's a lie. So it's like, yeah, I don't
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: believe in gate keeping. I I think that my whole
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: stick is like if there's a room full of women
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: and someone in there has a problem and someone else
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: in there has the answer, and it's all about sharing
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: the information, and if I can help play a small
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: part that then that's great. But yeah, I I honestly
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: won't shut the funk up about not only just advice,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: but just like, well, this is what I'm doing this week, er,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm trying here, because it's just like,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: share the information. That's how we're gonna move. And also, yeah,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: share the information good and bad. When you have a
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: bad experience with something, share that to help women understand
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: what the options are because I obviously, I mean I
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: do so much ship with facials, with treatments, with I
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: v S, with skin, with lasers, all this ship, and
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm totally willing to share all that stuff.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And you also have to recognize that it's also very
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: expensive stuff totally not everybody can afford, so you can
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: feel bad about sharing it, but it's it's just the truth,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: so there's nothing to feel bad about. It's like you
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: just put that out there, like, yes, I understand this treatment.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: So this is a little steep for most people. But
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm getting done, right. And if you
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: have of you know, X amount of spared dollars to
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: spend on one thing, that I'd prefer to recommend the
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: best one, you know. So it's like I might as
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: well say the truth. If it's a great I cream
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: and you happen to have the extra money to buy it,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: then get the good one. How old are you? Oh god, wow,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: that's nice. Well no, no, I was, and a lot
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: of I creams, Yeah, thirty one. What do you got
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: for me? Oh god, I've got lots for you. I mean,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: first of all, I didn't start drinking water until I
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: was like forty four, so I found I find water
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to be the most boring, boring thing in the world.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Right now, my housekeeper has to doctor this up for me.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Every morning. There's like there's cucumber lemon water in my fridge.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Then there's plain water, and then there's BlackBerry and strawberry
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: like spa water. So there's array so that I can
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: drink water. But I said to my friend, I go, okay,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I have a big photo shoot coming up, and I
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: have to be like it's for this athletic company, and
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I'm lebra and underwear and doing stuff like not just
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: sitting moving and I was like, I don't know about
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: the moving part and the jiggle, and and my friends like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: just don't drink any sparkling water for like four days
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: leading up to the photos shoot. I'm like, fuck you.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no bubbles, Like I'm so addicted to carbonation.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: The idea of no sparkling water. She's like, it's it's
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: bad for cellult I refuse to believe it. I know
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: it blows you. And it's just like that's the bitch
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: of getting older. It's like you things just show up
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: on your face and your body in a way like
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: they didn't used to. So it's like I always say,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: after the age of twenty seven, if you eat a
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: big piece of cake the next day, you're gonna look
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: a little ugly. It'll shop. But I liked also what
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: you said about it not being the end of the
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: world when you do gain ten Yeah, it's like, do
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you remember that era where it was like like when
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I was like twenty five and I would gain ten
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: pounds and I'd be like, the world is coming to
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: an end. Oh, I wouldn't even allow myself to gain
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: ten pounds because I would weigh myself six to seven
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: times throughout the day and if my number, oh yeah, oh,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I used to run, talk about anorexia nervosa or whatever
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: on my condition was. I don't like to diagnose things
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: in the past, only in the present, so I've never
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: really reflected on it. But I used to run like
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: six to eight miles every morning. I'd weigh myself before
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I ran. Then i'd weigh myself after I ran to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: see how much water weight I lost. Then I would
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: never replenish with actual water. It was just like diet
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: soda or you know whatever, juice, diet juice and apple
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: like I was just so unhealthy. And then I would
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: weigh myself continually throughout the day to monitor my weight
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: because I thought with every meal it could just go haywire.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Like I once went to Africa without a scale, and
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I came back and I had gained sixteen pounds, and
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I thought, oh, oh, you can't be trusted on a
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: trip like your fucking lunatic sixteen pounds. Albeit I just
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: had a c L surgery, so I wasn't able to
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: be mobile and I wasn't able to walk around. So
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: after that I became even more ardently committed to traveling
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: with a scale so I can monitor the situation. Now
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I've become a lot more relaxed about my weight because
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: it doesn't jump and bounce out and down so much.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm not as obsessive as I used to be.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: But I have to say, like I I don't know
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: anybody who was more obsessed with weighing themselves than I was.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: It's a prison, it is. It's a total prison. I
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: was just talking to my followers about it this week.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: It is a complete self made prison. And it's so
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I hate how many messages I get about weight. I
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: hate how many d ms like how did you find
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the freedom? How do you you know? How do you
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to have this? How? This and that? And
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's kind of something that you have to
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: just get there yourself, Like you have to go through
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: it and find peace yourself. But if I could take
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: away all of those hours and and pain and stepping
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: on the scale for all the young women out there,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: if I could go back and shake myself when I
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: was twenty five and be like, it doesn't matter nobody notices.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: That's the that's the crazy things. It's literally only the
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: two things that I really try to always tell them
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: is like number one, Literally nobody notices unless you gain
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: a hundred pounds. Truly, it's just you. Secondly, because a
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: lot of the questions that I get are like related
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: to dating, do you think breaks my heart? I always
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: get do you think I should wait to lose weight
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: to start dating? And I'm like, no, but you should.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: You should love yourself and know your value before you
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: start dating. It's nothing to do with weight. But it's
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: like if you if your self worth is so tied
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: to your weight, then you need to do some self
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: work before you start asking someone else to love you
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: because you're so much more than your weight. Your weight
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: has literally nothing to do with your worth. I used
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: to if I waited, if I went over one thirty,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed to leave the house. And if I waited,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: like if I had planned with my girlfriend's to grout
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: on Friday night and I weighed myself and I weighed
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: even one thirty one, I would cancel my plants and
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: stay home. I acted like that for a good part
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: of my twenties. Obsessed obsessed with the way that I
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: looked like, oh this is oh yeah, I mean I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: can't believe I didn't have to go to like a
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: hospital soon, sooner than I than when I started therapy,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: because I was obsessed with it. Just crazy what addicted
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: to water pills, anything that would just keep my weight down,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: just constantly dehydrating myself. So the person who needs the
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: water the most, it's the most scared of it. Yeah,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. I spent an hour crying to my
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: therapist a couple of weeks ago about like what my
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: nieces are going through, like just what you were saying, thanks,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, why do they have to go through this?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Why are they learning all this stuff at the same
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: pace I learned it, Like it's two body positivity is here,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: yet it hasn't reached the masses. Yeah, And I just
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know. And we're so extreme as humans because
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I sometimes worry that there's now this message which is
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: like we're replacing one pressure with an equal but different
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: pressure where it's like just eat whatever you want and
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: you'll be fine, and like now you can't care about
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: it at all, and it's like, no, you should just
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: feel like yourself and you should. We're trying to get
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: to a place where it's like you just you don't
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: care about your physical appearance as much, Like that's the goal.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Not I don't know. It's it's a scary place for
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: for young people right now, for young women, and it's
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: it saddens me that there's so much of our young
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: life is spent attaching worth to the external things. Speaking
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: of external things, I saw that you went on a
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: date with Diplo through Tinder. I also give it on
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: a date with him, but I wanted it to end
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: up that way. When I met Diplow, I film something
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: with him for one of my shows. I think, right, yeah,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: super fucking sexy, super hot and funny. He's so funny
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: and that's a sense of humor. Yeah. For me, I'm like,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I couldn't give a shit about looks, and I really
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: really mean that. Like other girls are like, no, I
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: don't care like and then they're dating some like six
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: four hottie. I'm like, no, I've dated like, I do
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: not care about looks at all. I don't care about
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: height at all. But you better be goofy and you
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: better have a sense of humor. That's the that's the
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: hottest It's the hottest thing. Is it really really is? Anyway,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: diplow I wanted to funk. I was like, Okay, we
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: were talking and then he was talking He's like, you know,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I don't really do drugs, because he was talking about
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: DJ and we were recording some song. He was trying
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: to help me sing, and he's like, I don't really
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: do drugs. And then he, like within thirty seconds, told
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: me a story about the last the previous weekend where
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: he had been in Vegas and done a bunch of molly.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, Diplo, you just said you don't do drugs.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: He goes, well, I did this weekend, and I was like, Okay,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: this conversation is starting to track. Yeah, he's a riot.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: He's so fun and um, life is cool. You know.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: So what's your story. You're single and I'm single and
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you had a public breakup. I was so awful. Yeah.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I fell in love really, really hard and fast last
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: year and it was great, and you know, I was
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: so google gagas I like to say, I was like,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: you know, disgusting. I was like obsessed with him, and yeah,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: he cheated on me with one of my followers the night.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: By the way, speaking of like, you know, looking pretty.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: The next day, it was his birthday weekend and all
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: of his friends were flying in to town for his birthday,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: and so I was like, you know, I want to
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: look pretty for your party, to meet all your friends,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: going to stay home tonight, you go have a good
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: first night at the club with your friends, and um, yeah,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: that's that's what was happened. But you know what, everything
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: happens for a reason, and it's I'm I'm like very
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: silver linings and I already feel like I wish him
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: the best, and I hope he gets therapy. He's he
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: really really needs to go to therapy and needs to
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: kind of work through some things. But like, sometimes relationships
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: are to remind you of the capacity of your heart,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: as cheesy as that sounds, but it were like I
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: hadn't been in love in a couple of years, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to be in love again and to remember how much
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I love being obsessed with someone and caring about them,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: and like having the closeness of a relationship was great.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: So and oh my god, was that a good video
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I made? You know, Like I made a choice, Like
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I you know, I found out. My manager had to
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: tell me, by the way, how did you tell you?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: He told me he did it publicly, and it's like,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: if you're going to cheat on someone, maybe don't cheat
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: on a girl who every other girl in l A
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: follows because it will get back to her in a
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: fucking club. So like my army, my my trusted army,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: was like, my manager knew that I would never believe
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: him if he didn't have screenshots. He got the screenshots.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I went over to his house. He was like, can
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you come over. It was a Friday afternoon. I was like,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I'm tired. Can we can we just do this on Monday?
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I got I gotta go out. I have a dinner tonight.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: He was like, no, no, no, please come to my house.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I drive over and he's like, you told me not
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: to tell you anything unless I had receipts, and I
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: have receipts, so bad anyway. So then I was like devastated, crying,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: and I I was like, I'm just gonna record myself
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: because this is very raw in the moment, and I'm
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: going to see, you know what comes out. And then
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I thought, you know, so much shame is put on
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: women with cheating and like it's so internalized for women
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: if a guy cheats, it's like, oh, what was wrong
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: with her? Nothing? Nothing, that guy couldn't keep his dick
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: in his pants. Like it's very I want to change
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: this narrative of like, oh, it's something that happened to you,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: like you know, on you because of you know, it's
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: something that someone does, right, it's a betrayal of trust.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: And so I was like, look, if this can bring
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: any one piece or help them think about it a
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: new way. And I said to my followers, like, I'm
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: not embarrassed that I trusted the person that I love.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not embarrassed that I fell in love. I'm not
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: embarrassed that I was like you know, gushing about him
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: and like obsessed with him and whatever. I am proud
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: of that. And I got betrayed and that sucks, but
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: ship happens, and I'll be okay. And if I can
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: be an example to anybody going through it or in
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: the future goes through it, then that can be a
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: silver lining from this. So that's what I did. Yeah. Yeah,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: cheating is such a disappointment, so lame, especially at a club.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: It's like what's I was like, really like at a club. Well,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I guess it wouldn't be good anywhere. It's not like
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, that's a good place for you
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: to cheat at me, like you know, like you'd be
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: excited if it was a different content. Yeah it was,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: but it was so clear cut. I was honestly like
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: in the text, I was like it for you. I
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: was like, you made it really easy, buddy. You go.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: How long were you dating him? Not that long, like
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: only like five months, but it was like said I
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: love you in three weeks. And it was the first
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: guy who I'm not really like, I don't care that
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: much about marriage and babies or I thought. And then
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: he was the first guy where I was like I
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: could see making a life with you. But again, and
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I'm coming off as toxically positive in this, but like
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: when looking back, I was like, Okay, well maybe your
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: role in my life was to show me that I
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: do want that and that's really cool and that's exciting.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And and again, like I wish him the best and
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I hope he gets a lot of expensive therapy because
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: that's why he needs I don't. I feel like a
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: lot of people just need to be reminded a about
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: their capacity, you know, to love. And also like my
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: my girlfriend Whistler, like, we found this guy for her
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: and they kind of have been hanging out and nothing
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: has really happened, and I was like, it doesn't matter
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: if anything happens. This is a reminder that you can
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: have a mad crush on someone because she's so into him.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: He's gorgeous, he's a great skier, blah blah blah, and
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: she's all over it. She's like, oh my god, I
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: love this feeling. I really don't even care if anything
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: happens either. It reminds me that I remember this feeling
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: and that I can have it again, which I think
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: half of the reason people come into our lives is
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: to remind us of our feelings, and half the people
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: that come into our lives aren't there for permanent amounts
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: of time. So it's like people are coming in and
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: out for reasons, and you should just pay attention to
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: what those reasons are and use those people instead of
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: thinking that they used you. Use everyone you meet for
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: an experience and for a different perspective. I totally agree,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: and I always tell the girls that my followers, I'm like,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: stop thinking about dating as like a zero sum game.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Stop thinking about it as a means to an end,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Like that's where we get into trouble. And that's where
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: we get a little funcked in the head, is thinking
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: like must date without getting hurt to find number one man,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: like meet forever. And it's like, what if we totally
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: rebranded it, what if it was an era like teenagehood
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: or going to college. And it's just supposed to be
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: a time where you learn about yourself often you learn
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: about what you like. And if you reframe it in
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: your mind that way, it's a lot more fun. It's
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: a lot less pressure, and the person who you're supposed
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: to be with, and I believe that there's multiple people
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: out there for all of us will drop in when
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: you're ready. But like, stop thinking about it like a
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: video game. It's just it's not like it's not like
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: please just date, have fun. And like you said, look
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: at every person like this is a funny experience, right, yeah,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: sometimes less funny than other, but who gives a ship?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: You know, a new experience is all is worthwhile regardless
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: and even like you know, like I love that feeling
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: about you know, the beginning when you have a crush
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, who doesn't love that feeling. That's the best
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: feeling out there is to have a crush on someone,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: To be looking at your phone seeing if they're texting you,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: knowing you're going to see them. That is so much fun.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: And even a relationship, yes, relationships get deeper and stuff,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: but like there's no more enjoyable time, like when with
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: me and my boy friend, when we started, like when
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I started liking him, I was like, this is so fun. Bet,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: You're so in love, Like you are so in love,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god, it is so fun
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to watch. It's nice. It's just like when you see
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: And by the way, I think I'm an Instagram relationship psychic,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: and that's true. Anybody, all of my friends know you
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: guys are so like sympatico and in love. It's insane
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: and it's so nice to see. And that's the best, right,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I think everyone you know. I feel like I very
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: passionately that if this happened to me, because I was
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: very much of the mind like, oh no, I'm single.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I'm totally down, Like I like being single. I have
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: my friends, I have my family, I have a life,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not I go I'm not going to get
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that this life. I got too many other things, Like
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: that's how I really thought about it, Like, well, who
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: am I to get that? On top of everything? So
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: for me to get that makes me believe that every
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: single person is going to get someone, you know what
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I mean if they are working towards he becoming the
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: best version of yourself, which means actually having self awareness
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: to go into therapy, understanding the impact you have on others,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: and making yourself like be really just like you know,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: on fire, like and you're firing on all cylinders in
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: every way your career, your personal, your professional, your health,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: all of that, you know, like when you really work
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: to get yourself healthy, the stuff that is supposed to
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: come for you comes for you. One agree you have
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: to do the work you I I do believe that.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I believe you have to show up for yourself and
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: advocate for yourself and and be improving yourself so that
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: you know, water seeks its own level. I really believe
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: that too. Yeah, And what is your situation now? So
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: what do you do? Just date people? Like? How do
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you how do you date online? Like do you meet?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Like if somebody hits you up on TikTok, will you
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: go out with them? I mean most people meet on Instagram. Now, dating,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I know, I I took a little bit of a
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: break over the past couple of months, but I'm getting
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: back into it. I went on a date on Sunday.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: It was awful. You know, it's difficult. I'm at this
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: weird middle ground where I'm like, I have enough internet
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: fame that it's like not totally easy for me anymore.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: But I'm not famous enough where I can just ask
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: my agent to like set me up with Harry styles Like,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not quite at that point yet, So I'm in
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: like l a purgatory, which is, you know, losers want
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: to date me because I have a blue checkmark, but
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: really famous people like don't know who I am yet.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm just sort of waiting through that and and
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: kind of, like I said, he'll drop in when when
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I at least expected. I think when Harry and Olivia
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: break up, you'll just wait for that to happen. Now,
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I I'm getting back out there with dating.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I don't mind dating. I don't mind I think I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: think it's fun and I believe it's a numbers game
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: and you know, he's not just gonna come like knock
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: on your door and be like here, I am your
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: dream guy. But I'm also just like really in love
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: with work right now, which I understand that sentence makes
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: everyone want a gag, but I'm just I'm so happy,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Like I found my passion when I was almost thirty,
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: and i just feel like I'm so energized by my
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: work right now that I'm just I'm obsessed. So what
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: do you do all day? You filled yourself around on
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: my phone all day long, and that's your job. It's
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: my job now. Yeah, I just eat bond bonds and
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: and open pr packages and it's a beautiful life that
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I'm creating for myself. And you have a new podcast
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: coming out which is also an advice podcast everybody, So
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: if you're not getting what you want from this podcast,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: you can move over to It's Me Tinks, which launches
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: on February twenty one, which is a Monday. I'm so excited. Yeah,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: So it's a podcast. It's two podcasts a week and
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: then one live radio show a week, which is just
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited to be able to speak to my
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: followers directly. And this is it's been my dream for
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: so long, and I'm just I'm fucking amped. I'm really
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: it's really cool. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, it's cool.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, well, Catherine, I think it's time to
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: get going to get I mean, we have to see. Yeah,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: what Tinks is really made of. That sounds great. We'll
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: take a quick ad break and we'll be right back
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: with some emails and calls. Perfect. Okay, Tinks and I
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: are from the bathtub, but we just rinsed off and
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: we're ready to give some advice. I love that you
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: guys have a bathtub here. That's it's not it's a
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: relational studio, but at least we have that. Have you
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: ever taken a bath? To be honest here, I've never
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: even taken a bath anywhere, So you're not a bath
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: for no. No, I'm not a baby. I'm an adult
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: and I like to get in and get the funk out.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: I think you're missing out on soaking in your own filth.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: It's actually I have when I when I ski and
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I really really have wrecked my body, then I will
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: get into a bath like for for age reasons, like
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: transition my body into a into a more like combatible
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: way of being. But no, I love yeah, I know
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: some people love him. I'm British steep down, so I
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: I really yeah. I love a bath. I I fucking
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: love a bath of any time. I don't care people
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: are like, oh, it's gross in a hotel. I'm like,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: everything is dirty, everything shut up. Those same people will
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: go in a hot tub at like you know, Hilton
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: suits or whatever. So those are the people that are
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: also ejaculating on the curtains. Okay, so I don't. I mean,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: first of all, it's understood that everything in a hotel
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: room is dirty. And discussing that we all know what
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: the deal is. So if you're going to submit to that,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: you may submit. You may as well submit. Yeah, at
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: least made in your own filth. That's fine. So our
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: first question comes from Ali. The subject line is chronically
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: single and surrounded by couples. She says, Dear Chelsea, my
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: last long term relationship was about three years ago now,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: and since then, I've been having a hard time dating
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. I'm very ready for a committed relationship. However,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I tend to feel exhausted dealing with failed situation ships
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and constantly putting myself out there. What makes things more
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: difficult from my perspective is that nearly all of my
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: close friends are in long term, committed relationships. I'm happy
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: for them, but it can be difficult to again and
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: again see people having what I very much want and
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: haven't been able to find. I've considered taking a break
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: from dating, but I have a hard time doing so
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: given that it's something I really want and I know
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I'm ready for. What advice do you have for managing
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: my feelings around dating and relationships? Warmly? Ali? Hi, Ali,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: this is a very common inquiry we received. You're a
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: dear Chelsea Tanks. Do you want to start off and
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: give her your thoughts off the top of your head? Sure,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: off the top of my head. I think that you
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: need to get new friends. No, I'm just kidding, but
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: it can help to find some single friends, because I
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: get it. Like I don't want to to gaslight you.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: It can be very difficult if all your friends are
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: in relationships and you're the only single one. That can
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: be tiring and exhausting, especially if, like every weekend, it's
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: just you're the fifth wheel, or you're going to their
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: kid's birthday party and you're just like this is like
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not here and it feels it feels weird, So
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: I totally understand that. Secondly, you can't compare. Comparison is
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: the thief of joy. So you're like, I'm happy for
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: my friends, but you're still comparing, like ultimately deep down.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm just giving a little bit of tough love there.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: You can't compare yourself to where you think you should be,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: and you can't compare yourself to your friends. You just
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: have to focus on where you are in your life.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: And you said you don't want to take a break,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: but I honestly think sometimes taking a break from dating
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: can be very energizing. Here's what I'll say about that, though,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Set a time limit, give yourself a month and really
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: really take a break. Don't think about it, don't go
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: in the apps, don't ask to be set up, and
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: just really take a full month focus on yourself, work out,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: go on walks, hang with friends, get a new hobby,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: start a new show, whatever, and just take a full
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: brain break from it. And when you come back, you're
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: gonna feel more energized and more clear. Because it can
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: it can become like an exhausting rat race. And if
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: you're not excited to go on a date that will
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: come through. So I think it's okay to take a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: break and just and come back swinging. Yeah. I think
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: that's all good advice. I also think that, you know,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: we say this a lot on this podcast, not to
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: compare yourself to other people, and I it's easier said
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: than done. So a little trick that you can do is,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: you know, you're looking at your friends who are in healthy,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: happy relationships, and you're looking at that as something you
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: don't have, But yet that is something you have. It's
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: something you have in your life that is giving you
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: a model of what you want. You're saying yourself, you
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: have all these friends that are in these relationships. Instead
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: of using that as a reminder of what you don't have,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: that's also a reminder of what you can have that's
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: coming because it's already happening to your friends. They're all
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: in relationships, so why would you be any different from them.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: No one's that special. You know that you get singled
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: out of society and you're on end datable like, that's
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: just not the way it is. So instead of looking
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: at that with the negative lens, try and flip that
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: into a positive lens, you know, like, oh, here, I
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: see it. That's definitely how I felt. I saw all
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: of my girlfriends in these great relationships, and I thought, oh,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I'm never going to have a guy that's not gonna
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: you something like that for me, that's not gonna go
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: out of his way for me, check in on me
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, do all the little
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: things that I find to be so adorable that men do.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: And guess what, I got one, So look at it,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: like just change that lens and that might be a
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: helpful way to do that. And then again, yeah, take
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: a break, refresh. That's sometimes all we need is just
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: a little me time, you know, spoil yourself. Just get
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: into like your own head and really think about what
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: it is that you're looking for and write that down,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: because you know what. I did this with Sarah Silverman
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: and my sister once I had to make up artist
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: in New York City. I have one named Mia and
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: she I came to New York and she came in
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: one day and she's like, oh my god, you're never
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: gonna believe I wrote and made that list you told
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: me about. And I was like, what what list? And
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: she's like the list where you listed everything that you
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: want and a guy and I was like, I've never
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: made that list. I told you to do that. She's
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: like yes, And I found him and he checks every box.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh. And so I was with
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman and we did the same thing, and we
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: all we both wrote a list, and then Sarah hooked
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: up with her boyfriend not like six months before Joe
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: and I hooked up. And then Joe and I hooked
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: up and I read everything on my list and the
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: only thing that didn't match on my list was I said,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: please give me somebody with a nice head of hair.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: And it was the only shallow it was the only
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: physical I just I said, I'll take any color, creed,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter where they're from, whatever I said, but I
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: want a nice head of hair. And it was the
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: only thing that I wrote that. I was like, just
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: should you write that? And guess what? I got a
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: bald motherfucker. So because true focus on the values and
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: the qualities, don't be nervous to write anything like that.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: You can write shallow stuff. You can say you want
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: them to make a certain amount of money or whatever
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: you like. You know, but so that you're you're familiar,
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: so that when you do somebody does come into your
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: life like that you can recognize, Oh wait, this matches
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: my list. Be specific. It's so funny that you say that,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: because when I was in high school, I read this
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: book and she literally said that, like, list out every
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: single thing you want in a partner. I'm like teen
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: or whatever, writing down like whatever, bullshot a fifteen year
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: old wants and a man or a partner. And like, literally,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: my husband checks every single box, every single one, like
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: dark hair, light eyes, treats me this way. He's a musician,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: all these things. It's like if I remember she said,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it, Like, well,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think she probably made that up, but like yeah,
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: get real, real specifica. I don't know why you put
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: a nice hair, dark hair and got it and I didn't.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: That's the difference there. I literally said to him today,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so glad you still have your hair,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Like who knows how long it will last, but for now,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I'm very grateful, very grateful. Well, now, while only date
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: bald men, moving forward, it's worked well so far. Well.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: Our first call today comes from Alexa Alexa so calling
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: in now right. I mean, you thought you could just
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: talk to her, but she she talks back. Subject line
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: is divorced parents dating each other again. Dear Chelsea. My
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: parents decided to end their marriage of forty three years
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: during the pandemic because they realized they were no longer
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: happy with one another. After their divorce, I finally saw
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: happiness and my mom for the first time in a
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: long time. A few years back, I caught my dad
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: having an affair, but was forced to keep it a
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: secret from my mom because my dad told me it
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: would ruin our family and there was a lot of
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: gaslighting going on when I talked to her in our
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: pre interview. Once the divorce had taken place and things
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: calmed down, my sister and I told my mom what
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: we knew about my dad and it brought us all
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: closer than ever before. Fast forward a few months, my
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: parents have found their way back into each other's lives
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: and it's very uncomfortable, to say the least. My mom
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: and sister keep telling me I need to get over
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: everything my dad has put us through since they've gotten
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. With love
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: and gratitude, Alexa, and she's here on the phone with
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: us as well. Hi, Alexa, this is Tangs Hi. Nice
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: to meet you. Nice to meet you. So wow, that's
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: quite a quite a history with your parents. I hate
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: that you had to hide that from your mother per
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: your father. What a lame thing for him to do, huh,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: super lame like gas lighting and just like making me
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: feel as though I was in the wrong for his mistakes.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: And so they that happened before COVID. Then during COVID
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: they ended up getting divorced, so they didn't get divorced
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: because of that. They did not get divorced because of it. Um,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I hadn't disclosed that information to my mom. After they
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: did get divorced, I like finally saw joy and her
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: face and like some sort of freedom when they finally
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: did end up getting divorced. And then my dad started
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: dating someone and it like wrecked my mom to see
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: him with another woman and happy. So then my sister
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: and I were like, effort, We're gonna tell her, like
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: she needs to move on and see that he hasn't
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: always been this prince charming. Um. So he did tell
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: her and she was very much so like I'm so
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: sorry that you have to go through this, Like I
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: wish that you didn't have to keep it a secret. Um.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: She knew that I was in therapy for for many years,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: and then her and my dad started dating again a
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: few months ago, and her and my sister are telling
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: me that I should be over it by now that
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: I've already done the therapy. What's taking so long? I
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: need to move on and forgive and forget. But I've
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: had a very difficult time doing so. Yeah, I bet,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: I bet I would too. But really, how does your
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: mom seem now dating your dad? She seems happy. I mean,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I know that she still has some trust issues where
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: if her friends invite her to go out on the weekends,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: she feels obligated to choose him in fear of him
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: like getting bored and maybe hanging out with another woman.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: So are they are they exclusively dating? Do you know
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: anything about Like have they said, oh, we're just seeing
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: each other exclusively or is there an arrangement or because
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I mean I can understand why she has trust issues. Yeah, absolutely,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: so they are seeing each other exclusively from what I've
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: been told by my mom. But they both have their
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: own place and like they'll kind of do a weekend together,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: like where he'll sleep over for the weekend, then Sunday
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: back to their normal lives. And what's your sister's story.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: She didn't catch your dad cheating, but she knows because
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: of you, right, he knows because of me. And her
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and I are extremely close, and I felt like she
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: was the only one that I could turn to at
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: that time, so we were very supportive of one another.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: And her and my mom were very close because my
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: mom helps out with her children a lot. So once
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: my mom was okay with everything, they kind of were
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: buddy buddies, saying like, Okay, now it's time for you
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: to get over it. And I would like to because
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: I love my dad and I love my family, but
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: I've had a very hard time doing so. And I
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: feel as though, like, because of this situation, I've had
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: a hard time with men in general. I know you
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: can relate to that definitely. Yeah, absolutely. I find men
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: to be completely untrustworthy. You know, they have to like, yeah,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: they have to prove themselves to be trustworthy before I
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: trust them. It doesn't they're like, oh, just trust until
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: they do something untrustworthy. It's like, no, I mistrust men
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: now because there's just been too much there's too much
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: data to back my theory up, which is not a theory. Okay,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: so well, first and foremost, you know that you can't
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: control your mother and like or your father or what
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: they're gonna do. So you have to become accepting in
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: a way of this period of time because you don't
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: know where it's gonna go, and you don't know if
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: he's just going to do something to upset her again
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: or if he learned his lesson the last time. You know,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: and and even if he hasn't, this is your mother's
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: mistake to make again. She hasn't learned her lesson. You
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: know her lesson isn't done being taught to her, and
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: that you can't enforce that on your mother. All you
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: can do is be loving and supporting. You don't have
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: to go on dates with them. You don't have to
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: like orchestrate things. You can say, I'm not that interested
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: in this dynamic and I don't want to be around
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: it unless it becomes more serious, and you guys decide
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: to get back together because I've been through a lot
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: with your relationship, which is totally reasonable. But you can't
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: you know, they do have a point. You do have
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: to get past it. You can't live someone else's life
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: for them. It's just impossible. And I would have the
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: same feelings you do. I would totally be like, what
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: the funk are you doing? But you have to treat
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: your mother like she's your daughter, like you just have
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: to support her and love her and just be there
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: for her and know that whatever is meant to happen
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: will happen, and that you worrying about it will affect
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: the outcome. Zero. That's the that's the thing. It's just
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: a waste of your energy and a waste of your
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: mind share. So every time you catch yourself thinking well,
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: what if or what's going to happen, that's just literally
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: taking up your precious brain space. So just create a
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: new neural pathway and say not my monkey, not my circus.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: And that's tough with families because it's like, you know,
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: in a way, it's like the close as people to you,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you never understand
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: the dynamic of other people's relationships, even when it's your family,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: even when it's your parents, and you have to just say,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: you know, it's not it's not my job to worry
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: about them or or warn my mom or police them.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: It's just it's just not Yeah, that is really good advice.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I think that what was so hard is seeing how
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: broken she was when she did um see that he
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: was happy with someone else. And I am so fearful
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: of him doing that again to her, and like you said,
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: being having to be her mom for that situation, which
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: of course I will. I think it's just been more
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: so like a fear of mine, But it definitely is
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: something that I would love to move past. Yeah, and
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: you can also look at it just because he did
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: that and you caught him cheating. Was it multiple times
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: or was it once? There were a lot of shady
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: events and behaviors, but the time that I found the
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: text messages was just once. Uh huh. So you were
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: looking through his stuff. No, I was actually taking an
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: exam in his office on his computer, and I, like,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: you know how on MacBooks, the messages pop up up. Yeah,
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: in the middle of like an exam that I had
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: been preparing for for weeks, like my heart belongs to
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: you baby, like heart emojis, and I just got sick
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: to my stomach. I failed the exam. Oh god, no
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: wonder as well. That's like a traumatic way to find out,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: and it's it's like encroaching on your life and in
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: your you know, business, And I understand why you're so
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: upset by it. Yeah, you think you're sitting there taking
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: an exam and you're on it your in two our
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: lifetime movie, Like how that is really disappointing your father
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: is that's embarrassing and you have every right to be
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: pissed at him for that event. But listen, he's going
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: to show his true colors at some point, you know,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: and if they're if his colors have changed and he's
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: not going to be like that, he'll show that too.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: But like you're being fearful again, is not fueling anything
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: but your own miss givings. Like it's just making your
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: situation uncomfortable. And so there's a more laws, A fair
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: attitude you can have about the whole thing. Doesn't mean
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: that you're gonna be involved in it. It just means like, yeah,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: go for it, you guys, do whatever you're gonna do.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. I love both of you and
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: good luck, you know what I mean, And just let
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: it go. And even if it's like a meditation. You
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: have to say to yourself every morning, I'm gonna let
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: this go. I'm gonna let this go. Just keep repeating
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: that to yourself like a little mantra until you get
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: over the hump that you're on, and then you will
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: get to the other side of it, and you'll notice
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: that you care a lot less because you're fearful of
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: your mom's feelings being hurt and her heart being broken again,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: which are completely valid things to be fearful of, but
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: they're not serving you or her. Yeah, that's that's definitely
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: great advice because I've been in therapy for it for
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: quite some time and I've done like the activities where
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: it's like write a letter to your dad and read
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: it to your therapist and then I leave and I'm like,
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I'm more angry than I was going into it. I
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: like to write a letter exercise, I'm like, I can
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: never get through the letter because I'm so fucking piste
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: off my heart. Yeah, and then we spell check if
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: you type your letter into your phone. I'm like, oh
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: my god, are you kidding. I don't understand why spell
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: check doesn't correct spelling it. Every time I write thank you,
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: it changes it to you, owe you it's getting worse.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: Why would that be the correction? Terrible Anyway, I think
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: you'll be fine and you'll find out soon enough what's
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: going to happen, and then you can you know, react
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: to that. Yeah, definitely all right and again then yeah, yeah,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: keep us posted though, let us know what happens with
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: your parents. I absolutely will. Thank you both so much. Yeah,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: thank you, by Alexa, have a good day, he too.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: This reminds me though, when my parents were growing up.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: I fucking hated my father for a long time. He
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: was an asshole and I was a bit and I
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: remember trying to convince my mother to leave him so
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: that she and I could go live alone somewhere. And
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, he's probably having multiple affairs.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: And my mom's like what and I said, and I
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: was like, well, I mean just think about it. He's
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: gone all the time, he's always going outside to take
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: phone calls. I was like, everything shady with him. I
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: didn't know if my father was having affairs. I just
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: assumed and I was trying to get to my mother
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: against him, and my mom was just like I remember
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: her going to my sister's going Chelsea says dad is
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: having affairs. Do you think that's true. My sister's like,
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: you are such a cunt, Like, why are you trying
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: to blow up this family. I'm like, I just want
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: us to get our own place without dad there um,
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: but I'm glad that I never had to deal with
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: that in the flesh. Parents and protecting your mother from
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: her feelings, it's just like an impossible tiresome it's not. Yeah,
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: it's a thankless job. And it's like you gotta at
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: some point just cut it and say it's it's not
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: my life. It's not. It's like it feels like your
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: family is your entire life. But when you're grown up,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: you're grown up. You gotta let them sort their own
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: ship out. Yeah, even if your dad is an even
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: if your dad is a fun boy la. Our next
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: call comes from Nicole. Subject line is fiance's very close friend.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm in a dilemma. A year ago, my
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: fiance started spending more time at work and texting with
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: his female coworker. He said they were just friends, but
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: then he went out with her for dinner and drinks
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: and had her over at our apartment while I was
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: hundreds of miles away visiting family. Nothing happened, but I
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: told him this friendship makes me uncomfortable, especially since they
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: came over to our apartment and now he talks about
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: her all the time and they're buying each other gifts.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: I love him, but he refuses to cut off contact.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying he should. But now he and
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: this female coworker joke that I hate her. I'm so frustrated.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? What should I do? Is it time
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: to walk away? Help? Nicole? Oh? This is a good one, hin, Nicole? Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, good,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: This is Tanks. Hi. Nice to meet you, So nice
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: to meet you. Uh so, Oh my god, that's annoying.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: That sounds like an annoying situation. How close are they?
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: I would say they're pretty close. I mean they work together,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: and even just this last Friday, they you know, spent
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: the day going out to eat, going to see like attractions,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: and really just hanging out and spending the whole day
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: even though I was at home. That sounds like a date. Honestly,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: spending the whole day together and going out to eat
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: and seeing attractions to me, sounds like a date. That's
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: I just don't think that that's respectful to you at all.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: What's his excuse, like when you say, why are you
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: so close to her? When you talk about it? Well, like,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: what does he say is it? Does he have any
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: language to explain why he's doing this or what's the
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: what's the conversation between you and him like about her? Yeah?
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Of course, really it's that they're just got really really
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: close at work, and that she's somebody he can lean on,
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: and that she's just a really, really really good friend.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: But as I said before, I think there's a little
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: bit of disrespect that I'm feeling at least. Yeah, I'm
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: assuming she's not in a relationship. Do you know she's single?
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: And when you've asked him about his feelings for her,
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: have you delved into that, like in a deeper way,
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: like do you feel attracted to her? Yeah? So when
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: they first started hanging out, he actually kind of admitted that,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: you know, he was trying to figure out his feelings
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: for her. But then he pretty much was like, no, no,
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: she's just a good friend. She's just a good friend.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: But I think what also hurts me is the language
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: she uses sometimes for all of his friends. He's like
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: I love them, but when he says I love her,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: it just really hurts me in a way that it's
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: really really hard, especially when you love somebody, you know,
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: it's like we're engaged. It's really tough, and I don't
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: want to tell them who to hang out with. But
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: I also I feel like there's some boundaries that I
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: think have been crossed that I are really hard for
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: me to get over. How frequently do they hang out?
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously they see each other every day at work,
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: but you know they're going out at least once a month.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: They're buying each other gifts. He's bought her massages. So
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: there's just a weird dynamics. Yeah, no, that is weird.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: All of it is weird. And yeah, you your boundaries
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: have been crossed, absolutely, And when do you have you
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: ever hung out with both of them together? Yeah? He
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: kind of like forced me to be like, Hey, you're
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: gonna meet her, You're gonna love her, and like you're
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: gonna want to be best friends with her. But I mean,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: she's awesome, and I'm all about empowering other women, but
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: you know, there's just a line that I feel like
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: has been cross that I'm not comfortable with. Yeah, I
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: think that's valid, Tanks. I like that you brought up
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: that it's like a lack of respect situation, because at first, blush,
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: I think this is this email, this question can seem
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: like is he cheating or isn't he? But I think
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: there's more nuance going on here. And what do you
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: guys think about Like the fact that they're kind of
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: joking around about, oh you hate her, blah blah blah.
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: To me, that almost makes me feel like there are
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: there's less romantic attraction if they're so open about it.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I don't really know. I just know that that's like
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: a really uncomfortable dynamic. And as his fiance, I think
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: that he's supposed to be your number one cheerleader, the
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: person who makes you feel safe and comfortable at all times.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: And the fact that they're kind of have a joke
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: about you is like really kind of nasty to me
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: and kind of just like it's leaving you out right,
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: like it's it's them two against you, whereas he should
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: always be you're his number one. You're about to enter
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: into a legal union with this person, so he shouldn't
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: really be joking around like, oh yeah, she hates you,
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: and also what you said when when she went to
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: your house when you were away and you said nothing happened, Like,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: to me, the fact that you're being forced to have
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: the conversation of did anything happen with your fiance is
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: so utterly disrespectful to you, Like, I just don't think
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: that that's a conversation you want to be having with
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: someone who you're about to marry. I don't think that's
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: fair to you. And I really think that the line
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: has been crossed, Like there's no question this boundary has
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: been totally blown. When's the wedding? We actually don't have
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: a date yet. You know, we got engaged in December
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: and then this whole thing popped up around March, a
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: couple of months later, so I really hadn't had the
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: time to really think about that yet. So this is
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: kind of put some things on pause for me. And
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'd rather figure out what's going on before
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: I get into a commitment. That to me, I feel
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: like it's almost not about it's not like her and
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: it's not like is he cheating? But it's like what
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: in him is allowing him to do this behavior? Or
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: what you know, what is this a deeper symptom of
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: it's I don't necessarily think he's cheating, but it's like,
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know that's it's something else. It kind of
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: feels like that. And I have always felt like, oh,
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: this isn't really a thing that exists. But people talk
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: about having like an emotional affair. What do you guys
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: think about that? Do you think they're real? Do you
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: think that's what this is? Well? I think that's valid.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, people do have emotional affairs. But I also
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: think like if he was he admittedly admittingly was struggling
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: with his feelings for her when he met her, that
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: in and of itself should be the beginning, middle, and
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: the end of that. Like, okay, so when when he
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: discovered that he wasn't attracted her or that he didn't
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: have those feelings for her, then why continue to escalate
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: the relationship? You know? Like that all is very fuzzy
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: and there's just too many things there that point to
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: him a disrespecting you because I would never do that.
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: I would never hang out with somebody that my boyfriend
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: didn't know on the regular, especially when he asked me
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: not to. I would never like disrespect him like that.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: So and I'm pretty of my own mind, but I
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: understand that completely, and you have every reason to go
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: like listen, I were engaged. So you and I need
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: to have to sit down and I need to have
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: a really clear understanding of what's going on with you
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: and this relationship with her, because clearly you are drawn
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: to her and getting her things from her that you're
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: not getting from me, and in turn, you're disrespecting me.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: So you can see it my way or not, but
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: this is how I feel, and my feelings are valid,
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: and until I understand like why this relationship is even necessary,
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry if it causes me this much discomfort. It's
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: something that you need to consider not having in your life.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's not
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: about empowering other women. It's about not dis empowering yourself.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: M Yeah, agreed. I can't thank you guys enough. This
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: has really been eye opening for me, and I'm just
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: to get some perspective from someone else who's out there.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: And when you talk to him, like you know, just
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be heated. Obviously it may get
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: that way, but just be like, listen, out of respect
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: for our relationship. I need to understand why you are not.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: You told me you had feelings for this girl that
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: you were trying to figure out. If you had feelings
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: for this girl, then you don't, but you continue to
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: hang out with her and you talk about her and
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: now you love her. You have to understand that's not
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: comfortable for me. So unless you can really map this
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: out for me, like I need you know, we need
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: to think about our future. You want to be engaged.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: This is our engagement. Yeah. Yeah, and if you can't
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: get it figured out just the two of you without
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: it like turning into a blow up or him feeling like,
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: well I'm not allowed or any of those things, like
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: go have a couple of sessions with a therapist, like
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: just go talk to somebody. M Yeah, we're looking into that,
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: so we'll see if that it comes to it. Yeah,
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: that's always a good avenue to explore anyway. Yeah, it's
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: good to have a third party to just kind of
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: help you work through things for sure, and keep in
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: touch Nicole, let us know how it works out. Okay.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: I will thank you guys so much for your help today.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no problem, thanks to call. Yeah, that's not right.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: That sounds off, That's okay. Our next question comes from
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: jess She says, I'm Jessica. I'm a thirty three year
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: old woman who's raising an incredible four year old daughter.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: I made the challenging decision to divorce her father at
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: the beginning of this year. The marriage included a few
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: types of non physical abuse, and my decision to leave
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: was strongly influenced by the love I have for my daughter.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: I want her to see me as an example of
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: a woman who does not wait for permission to find
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: wholeness and personal fulfillment, but instead steps up and makes
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: it happen in her own life. I work full time
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: as a nurse. Post divorce, I've spent some time in
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: therapy and really focused on introspection. I'm reaching a space
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: where I want to consider dating, and I'm working through
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: how I want that to look in my life. I
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: have not dated or attempted to date in the time
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: post divorce. I've gained weight and feel a bit uncomfortable
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: in my own skin. I'm working on eating healthy and
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: balancing space for exercise. There are times when I feel
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: like I shouldn't date until my body looks and feels
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: the way I think it should. There's a bit of
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: unworthiness and lack of self esteem mixed in. My question
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: for you is this, how do I overcome my feeling
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: of unworthiness to date while at a larger size? Thanks
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: Chelsea Jess. Well, we were just discussing this. Literally, I
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: was like, I have to pull this email up. Yeah. Yeah,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: clearly we've said this before and I'm sure we'll say
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: it again, But like, I get it. I understand. I
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: just told stories about how obsessive I was with my weight.
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: I'm in a different place right now and now mentally
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: about weight, and I understand that what you think you
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: see a the world doesn't see. Yes, you probably gained weight, Okay,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: I mean you can measure that on a scale, but
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: that doesn't preclude you from your value and from your
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: There are a million things to fall in love with
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: in a person you know, and anyone who's focused solely
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: on the weight a you don't want to be with anyway.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: So that's there you go. If somebody said, oh, if
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: you gained twenty pounds, I wouldn't be with you, then
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: you would never go on a date with them to
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: begin with. So don't worry about it. And one of
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: my friends is dating this guy and he's really really
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: good looking, and she doesn't think she's good looking enough
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: for him. And she's like, well, he's friends with this
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: girl and this girl, and this girl's like a supermodel,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: and this girl's like a supermodel. Like I said to
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: my friend, I'm like, there are a million things to
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: fall in love with about you. I fell in love
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: with you all my my whole family is in love
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: with you. My friends are in love with you, Like
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: I fell in love with you, and it wasn't about
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: your looks. Like I didn't fall in love with you
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: because of your looks. So remember that, like, we don't
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: all represent the same things and the same values, Like
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: looks is not a value even that is like a
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: fleeting thing that you know people work hard to present like.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: This is a great time for you to be dating
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: and meet someone when you don't feel like you're at
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: your best. This is a great experiment and opportunity for
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: you to push through those feelings and present yourself and
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: find somebody who really loves you for who you are
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: instead of what you think you know provides value to you,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: right and myself being a fuller figured woman I've always
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: been fuller figured, I've always been curvy, I've always had
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: huge boobs, and like, let me just say, not every
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: guy is looking for a skinny girl. They're just not.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: Not every guy is going to be like, oh my god,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: you gained ten pounds. This is unacceptable, like tink set earlier,
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: like you are the only person who's noticing that everybody
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: else is noticing. When I'm pmss ng, I just posted
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: something about this recently. When I'm pmss ng, I feel
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: my grossest, you know, because you just feel bloated. You're
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: like you have gas, You're like period farts. It's disgusting,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: and you're just like, and my boobs are getting so big.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: I just look like one big hitted monster right before
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: I get my period. And Joe loves it. He's like,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: this is the hottest you ever are this time during
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: the month. He's like, I just love when your stomach
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: sticks out a little and you're bloated. I'm like, fuck you,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: I hate you know, I hate that feeling, But like
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: he loves that, Like, how great is that You're gonna
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: find somebody who loves you for who you are? Yeah,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: and no one has ever fallen in love based on
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: looks alone, like at all, that's that's the thing, Like,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: no one is ever going to be like, oh I
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: fell in love with her because she's perfectly perfect looking,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: Like that's not real. And and like Chelsea said, if
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: someone is only dating for your looks, you would never
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: want to be with them anyway, Like there is so
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: much more to you than your than your looks. Like
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: I I always say to my followers, my body is
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: the least interesting thing about me, and I like it
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: that way. I really couldn't care. Like you are a
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: meat covered skeleton on a rock that is hurtling through space.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Never forget that, like it truly, it's the It's the
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: last thing that you should worry about, and honestly, don't
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: worry about. Oh are they going to think this about me?
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Are they going to think that about me? What about?
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: Do you like them? Why don't? Why don't you go
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: into it thinking what am I looking for? I want
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: someone who's kind, I want someone who's works really are
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: Like that should be your lens going into dating, not like,
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I gained a couple of pounds, like
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: that's just shift your mindset and focus on the attributes
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: that you want to find in a person and then
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: and then that will come back to you. I really
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: do believe that we uh, we receive the energy that
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: we give out. Yeah, and it's easy to create new habits,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: new neural pathways, new habits. It's so much easier than
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: people think. You just have to take that step, start
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: doing it. And it might not click right away, you know,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: reframing things. It might not click, but it will click
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: if you are consistent and you practice it, it will
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: come together. Yeah. Yeah. And also, never ever put any
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: part of your life on hold to be at a
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: st or for anything. You can never say oh, i'll
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: do this when or I'll be happy when Like that's
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: not that's a moving target, and you cannot You can't
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: put your life on hold. I completely agree with that.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: That's not how it works. Yeah. Yeah, Well let's head
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: to a quick break and we'll come back with more
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: tinks than Okay, right, and we're back from break? Are
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: we back from break? Okay, we're back. Tanks were back.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: We're back. Sorry, Tanks was underneath the table again. She
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: keeps going under there. I don't know what you think
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: is under there. It's just got racy a lot of
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: sexual innuenda is flying around tanks. Did you have a
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: question or a piece of advice you'd like to ask
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: Chelsea for? Oh, I hope you do. I do. We've
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: we've touched on it a little bit, but I want
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: your advice on My followers love to know about my
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: personal life and my dating life, and I love to
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: talk about it. I do. But how have you found
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: the right balance over the years of telling telling about
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: your dating life and your personal life? And what are
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: your tips for that? And and is it evolving or
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: do you have any hard lines where you're like, I'm
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: not going to share this or I'm going to share
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: this after the fact. Yeah, I think do you feel
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: like you overshared your last relationship? Is that where this
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: is coming from a little bit, But it's more so
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: that it's just it's actually to be dick on the table.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: It's making dating a little bit difficult because I don't
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: if I'd say it in real time, it feels like
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of Truman showing myself. But my followers like
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: to know. So now I've swung back all the way
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: where I'm not telling them anything about my dating life.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: But I want to find a middle ground. So and
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: I also just like with the guys I date, I
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: don't want I certainly don't want them to date me
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: because they think I'm going to talk about them. But
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: it's hard to find something, you know what I mean,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: it's just not want to date me because they know
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to exactly whatever. And so that's kind of
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: why I swung. And I was like, no, I'm not
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: gonna say anything because I don't want to turn any
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: guys off and whatever, and I need to keep something
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: for myself. But at the end of the day, my
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: followers are my best friends in my life and I
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: love them, and I talk about dating and I want
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: to report from the field. So it's like it's really
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: hard to find that balance, especially living in l A.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: I think my advice on that would be to always
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: you can always still share with your followers. Giving people
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: a little bit of information that you are dating, that
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: you went on a date, that you like someone, without
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: giving away who that person is until it's in a
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: really solid place is probably just the only advice I
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: would have to say about that, because that way you
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: are sharing, like oh, and then there's an anticipatory nuance
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: to everything with your followers because they know, like, okay,
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: you're like I am dating there is somebody, and as
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: soon as it's something worth mentioning, and as soon as
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: we're like together as a couple, then I will share
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: it with you guys, because you're gonna want to share
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: that when you are in love with somebody. There's no
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: way you're not gonna And so you the only part
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: you want to keep private, or people's identities until you've
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: sussed them out and until you decided you're in a
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: serious relationship with somebody. So I think it's good to
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: share that stuff when it's real and when you're feeling
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: it and you had that experience for a reason, you know,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: like you're not going to do that again necessarily, even
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: though you're followers loved it because it's completely relatable. You
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: did it a guy who ended up poking up. You know,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: if that could happen to you, that could happen to
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: anybody what they're thinking. So I think it's important to
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: be honest with everybody. You know, you don't have to lie,
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: but you don't have to divulge other people's identities and
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: give away all of the details always. That's what I
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: would say that's that. I think, yeah, yeah, I like that.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: That's good, right, Katherine. Do you have any advice that
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: you need an answer to? Yes, I actually do so
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine we both have dogs. Our dogs
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: are the same age, and we kind of go back
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: and forth like babysitting each other's dogs, like even if
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: it's for a couple of days or even a week,
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: like we know our dogs are safe in each other's hands.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: Her dog is a lot more work than our dog.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: Her dog has to wear diapers that have to be
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: hand washed, and like barks all the time, starting at
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: six in the morning. And he's very sweet and we
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: love him, but he's a pain in the ass. So
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: said friend has recently had a baby, and baby's about
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: three or four months old, and I really want to
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: be there for her and help her out and like
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: take some things off her plate as she's dealing with
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: new motherhood. But her husband has started going on like
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: week long trips for work every month, and they want
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: us to take the dog for like basically a week
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: every month just so she doesn't have like something else
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: to deal with. She does have a nanny that comes
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: and helps during the day, so there's that but I'm
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: struggling with like do I say yes every time even
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: though it's like he's a drain when he's there. But
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: I also, like my nice Midwestern heart like wants to
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: be there for my friend, and you don't say yes
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: every time, you know, like like once in a blue moon,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: blue moon, I don't know, But no, you're beer the
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: way too generous, Like you are a good friend and
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: you have been a good friend, and you are showing
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: up for her, and the fact that you're even having
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: these common station with yourself is like shows how much
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: you care. But you can't. You didn't have the fucking baby.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and you your husband isn't going on mountain
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: trip week long whatever fucking hike in excursions like you
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: need to know, like once in a while he's taking
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: in the attractions taking I need someone to take me action.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen attractions in months. Oh my god, me neither.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen attractions anywhere. Yeah, you that's bullshit. First
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: of all, she needs to sort that out with Also
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: the diaper thing like that means take it to a trainer,
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: figure it out, Like if she can staple his asshole shut,
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: and then you could babysit for her fucking dog a diaper,
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: like it's too time, too far, and you need to
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: see your way out. You just gotta go. Listen. I
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: want to be there for you and all you know,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: I do want to help you, but it's become a
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: little bit much like a couple of days with your
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: dog is one thing. Oh we isn't. I can't be there.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: You guys have to figure this out between the two
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: of you, not me, you know. Okay, thank you guys.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: That's honest. Asked again, how had him? How confused we
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: get when we're in our own situation? I know it's
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: so true, and that you said you're like, oh and
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: two wonderful women yell know at you when you know
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: that's funny? Well, Tanks were can everyone to find you?
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: I'm at Tanks on TikTok at, It's me Tanks on Instagram,
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: and listen to my new podcast, It's Me Tanks. Thanks,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: thank you, that was so much fun. Thanks And if
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: you like to get advice from Chelsea and one of
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: dot com.