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Relationship Adivce: Five Months Postpartum, Signed Still Me · Ela's Got the Tea

• Ela's Got the Tea Ep. 8: Today we have an OP who gets followed home over a parking spot and still can't work out what they did wrong, an OP who's five months postpartum and finds out what her husband has been saying about her body and who he's been saying it to, and a father whose son texts him a single letter at eleven o'clock at night. Grab your cup and let me pour. Hello my beautiful tea leaves. Welcome back to Ela's Got the Tea. I'm Ela, your host, your mom friend, and the person who goes into the thread, so you don't have to. If you're new here, we do three letters an episode, all real from the people loving them. I pour, we read, and I tell you where I'd land. And if you're sticking around, please hit subscribe or follow wherever you're listening. It's free, and it's the only way to make sure that. You're here for the next pour. Now it's a new month, which means we have a new tea. This month we're going citrusy. We have an orange peel, lemongrass, and a little citrus herb with some licorice root underneath it all. And it's completely caffeine free. So this is absolutely one you can pour at nine o'clock at night without regretting it later. And honestly, it just feels right for November. This is the time of year. When school is in full swing, everybody's spending more time indoors, and it feels like somebody in the house is always coming down with something. So, something hot and citrusy in my cup. Yes, please. Now, before we get into our first letter, I do have one piece of housekeeping. So I have made the decision to move Ela's Got the tea to two episodes a month on the first and third Wednesdays. And yes. I know we've played around with the schedule a little since I started the show. Mondays became Wednesdays, and now I'm making one more adjustment. But I think I finally found a rhythm that gives me the time this show actually needs. I make all of this myself. I find the letters, write the takes, record, edit all of it. And outside of the podcast, I I do have a full-time job and a toddler. So There are only so many hours in the day. And after my hospital stay last month, I've also realized that maybe I need to slow it down a little. Not stop the things I love. I love going over these takes with you guys. But give myself the space to actually enjoy doing them instead of constantly rushing to the next thing. Basically giving myself Allowing myself to have that pour back that we talk about in every episode. And because four episodes a month means twelve stories and twelve takes. And I was starting to notice the difference between the ones that I really had time to sit with versus the ones I was just trying to get out the door. And the take is the show. That's the part you're here for. And honestly. It's the part I'm here for too. So instead of four episodes I'm rushing to finish, you're gonna get two that I've actually had the time to sit with. First Wednesday, third Wednesday. there may be an occasional extra episode if there's an extra fifth Wednesday of the month. But that is still to be determined. And I as I progress, I may go back to weekly as as we carry on. So with that, let's get into our first cup First letter and it's a short one. OP is driving home with their mom in the car. A woman ahead starts to park without signaling. So OP goes around. There's a honk. The woman starts moving again. And somehow all of this ends with the woman following OP home. OP pulls into the driveway. The woman makes a U turn right in front of the house and leaves. Nothing else happens. And somehow OP is left wondering, what did I do wrong? This is from Entitled People, titled A Lady Followed Me and I Don't Know Why. Signed, Followed Home. So a few minutes ago I went to pick up my mom from her friend's place. There's this lady driving ahead of me and decided to park her car on the right side of the street without even giving the signal. I didn't honk her anything and let her do her thing. Noticing she's parking, I decided to take over from the left and drive away as anyone would do so. But she all of a sudden decided to not park and started moving when I did. Then I honked seeing in my rearview mirror on the passenger side so she doesn't end up hitting my car from behind because I saw her struggling to park her car. didn't want to risk it. All of this happened when I was just a minute away from my home. Then I was talking to my mom and didn't realize she was following us. When I parked my car on our driveway, my mom noticed her following us. She took a U turn right in front of our home, didn't say anything, and left. Now I'm here wondering why to follow and then leave knowing very well. She's that wrong? Not once but twice. Do I need to worry about anything? So, at what point does somebody else's bad day become your problem? Now, the comments on this one are actually where the things start to shift because OP answered some of the commenters And at first, OP was still talking about driving, roundabouts, signaling yield signs. And that's where OP's head still was. But then somebody points out the part of the story. OP might be underestimating. So listen to what OP is worried about here and then what happens after. commenter one wrote some people get really triggered when you critique their driving. Two nights ago I was on my way into work. I'd gone around a roundabout and was in the right hand lane. We drive on the left here. There was a reasonable amount of space between me and the car in front of it. There was not any between my rear end and the car behind me. That car Eventually changed lanes and went past before trying to squeeze into the barely adequate gap between my front end and the car in front. I changed lanes for safety and watched as both cars in the other lane began turning right. I used sign language to let the tailgating car know exactly what I thought of their skill as I passed them. They took this ill, abandoning their planned. Turn to instead come tearing up the left hand lane. I changed to the right hand lane to turn myself a bit further along, honking their horns and making various obscene gestures and sounds. They ended up needing to turn where I was going to and wishing to avoid a confrontation, I turned into the supermarket lot that was going to get me where I wanted to be. Needless to say, this party was both young. They had a plate on their car indicating they had been driving for less than two years and privileged as they were driving what appeared to be their parents' BNW van. Yes, I suppose I initiated the interaction with my hand gestures, but I maintained someone needed to tell this driver they were not driving safely. Their reaction made me wish I had a dash cam to give their parents. And the police. And then OP responds with Worst is some people don't know driving around roundabouts. They don't signal at all. Here in Canada, we don't have many, but in new communities, they have a few. Don't get me started on yield signs. And then commenter two writes you sweet summer child, this unhinged woman doesn't know she was wrong. You had the audacity to honk at her. Did you recognize this crazy lady or her car from your neighborhood? I'm sixty three F, much older than you, maybe even your mom, and I'd strongly urge you to never go directly home if you notice someone is following you. Drive around the block or to a different neighborhood until you lose your unhinged tail If you have security cameras, check them over the next few days. If you don't, please consider getting some for this exact same reason. I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but this woman knows exactly where you live now. And she can come back at any time to vandalize your car or property. If you don't have cameras or something does happen, ask your neighbors if their cameras picked up anything. People be crazy these days. You shouldn't make assumptions that she knew or is reasonable in any way. Just be safe. Between your mother and you, write down as much as you can. Remember about the encounter, her description, and her vehicle's color, make and model. Be more aware of your surroundings and be safe. OP responds with, you're right. I definitely Have had triggered something in her for pointing out that she was wrong. I told my dad, and we, along with my mom, went for a walk where she was initially going to park her car two blocks away. We didn't see it there, but to our surprise, her car was parked on a driveway a block away. House number forty four, I'm keeping as a record here in case I forget. I must say my mom has a good memory. She said this is the car 'cause she recognized the hanging ornament in the car. Noted car plate as well. Seems someone visiting from another province or moved recently this side. Okay, so let's go over the driving part of this letter first as it is the least concerning part about O about OP's letter. Did this woman signal? No. She started to park and was getting into a bit of a precarious situation where she was about to hit OP. OP was going around her. and OP Hunt to make sure that there was no incidents. Honestly, one of the approved ways to use your horn. So I don't think OP did anything wrong here. But the bigger part of the story is this woman taking this incident to an extreme and following OP home. OP didn't even realize it was happening. Their mom didn't fully realize it was happening until they got home. And this woman does a U turn. And then seemingly that was it. But now this woman knows where OP lives. Whatever the reason was, whatever is going through this woman's head. Again, we don't know. And honestly, I don't particularly care. Because the moment you start following somebody home over a traffic interaction is the moment you are in the wrong. And that is where this woman. And this is where that woman in the comments gave some advice that I think is worth remembering. If you realise someone's falling you, don't drive home. Again, in OP's defence, they were not aware. And also I get it. Home is safe. But In these situations, it is best to drive to a public location. away from your home. You can even call 911 and they can help you through it if it gets to that level. But there are up there are other options to keep you safe. OP also does give an update with the second commenter, noting that they told their dad what happened, and then later OP and their mom and dad go for a walk around the neighborhood to the scene of the crime for some reason. And I'm not exactly certain why they went there. Maybe just to scope out the scene. Maybe see. If the car was there. I don't think it would have been wise if they felt the need to confront the person, but they don't see the car there. However, they did notice a similar car with which seems to be the same car, as it had the same car ornament and the license plate. A block away from the location, which also wasn't too far from OP's home. OP notes the house number and keeps it on file just in case. Now, this is where my mom cautionary mind kind of plays into effect here. I I understand the need to note the house house number and address. But if this woman felt that you had done something wrong having being in her area if she has cameras. may take that as you're stalking her. So I do 100% feel you should be cautious. And just like commenter two wrote, get some cameras and prepare yourself. Because we don't know what is going through this person's head. And I think that is one of the most sound advice you can have just for your own safety. And then more importantly, to just be aware of your surroundings. Because when somebody makes a bad moment into something much bigger, you don't have to keep searching for the thing you supposedly didn't to deserve it. Sometimes there isn't one. And with that, let's get into our next leaf. So so story one ends with OP trying to figure out what was done wrong when the answer honestly may simply be nothing. This next one is different because the person doing the damage isn't a stranger on the road. It's the person who is supposed to make OP feel the safest. Okay. This next one is Pretty heavy, so I want to give a quick heads up before we get into it. This story involves a lot of conversation around postpartum bodies, weight, dieting, and pressure to lose sad weight. So if that's something you don't need in your ears today, the timestamps are in the description. You can skip ahead and I'll meet you in our last letter. Okay. So OP had a baby five months ago and OP just found out that her husband has been saying Some things about her postpartum body and more importantly who he's been saying it to. This one comes from R slash relationship advice. Found out my husband is upset I haven't bounced back as fast as he wants. What am I supposed to do? Signed Still Me. the title implies, I had a baby some five months ago, and it's been a struggle to get back to my pre baby body. I still have all my baby weight and I've been struggling with my diet and habits, which I have been told time and time again by my family is fine. Now my husband's family is different. He's the youngest of eight, and somehow his mom is like a size zero. All his sisters have also bounced back at the speed of light despite having multiple children. I was never skinny before having my baby. I'm 5'11 and obviously to all his 5'2 120 pound sisters and mom I'm a giant in comparison. He's an amazing father and husband, but he definitely is very worried about people's opinions of him Which I thought we had worked through. We never hide anything from each other and give each other free reign of our electronics. We never hide anything from each other and give each other free reign of all our electronics and messages, but in the last couple of weeks he's been very protective over his phone, snatching it when I'm near or turning away from me. Being a new mom and still going through all the hormone issues, I thought he was cheating on me and I did not react well at all. Had a major BF in the living room. Until he gave me his phone. Thankfully, no cheating. Just dozens of texts between him and his mom where he shared concerns about how I hadn't bounced back yet. His mom giving him weight loss articles for new mothers and giving him diet ideas, asking him if I would want to join her in Pilates or go to the gym anytime soon. She even brought up GLP ones, of all things, saying things like, We should have had kids younger because I'm a bit too old to be having children. She said she could watch the baby while I got it together. He was worried about the upcoming family trip to Costa Rica and asked if I'd be back to normal by then. I'm already huge compared to his family. I'll I wouldn't look even bigger. He was worried about the upcoming family trip to Costa Rica and asked if I'd be back to normal by then. I'm already huge compared to his family. I would look even bigger. I'm going to be honest, I think I would have preferred being cheated on. Reading those messages felt like a new stab in the gut and knowing he found me sweaty and always clammy and generally unattractive. He's been saying he doesn't understand why his mom and sisters were back to normal in a few weeks, and we yes we were struggling to get back to how we were. As far as I know, he hasn't gained a single pound and continued going to the gym regi religiously, like always. I generally don't know what to do. Seriously, I feel like my whole life is in shambles. It might be the hormones and the lack of sleep, but I'm considering packing my things and going to my family. I don't want to leave him, but knowing he doesn't find me attractive And actively asking his mom for advice on my body was not something I needed. He's an amazing father, never complains about the nighttime feedings or the blowouts or the mess. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this. I need to know if I'm overreacting. Asking on here because if I tell my family, they'll just blow up and show up my door and chew him out. This family has never treated me badly. As far as I know, they loved me like one of their own, but no, I'm just scared they're all talking about me when I'm not around. I haven't been able to go to lunches with his sisters or parents because I don't think I'd be able to look them in the eye. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you. what are we supposed to do when the person who is supposed to be on your side has been comparing notes about you behind your back? Okay. The comments are firmly on OP's side, which duh. But I did pull two because I think they get at two slightly different parts of what's happening here. The first one does go pretty hard on OP's husband, which honestly, let's face it is quite fair. And the second one, that one gets right to the part of this that bothers me the most. So commenter one writes, literally every time people post this sort of thing, they say, They're an amazing parent. No. They might do stuff during the day, but their behavior is abhorrent. Terrible people cannot be good parents because they instill their shitty values in their children. See, this dude's mother. OP, please go to your parents' house. Be with people who love you. Five months postpartum is nothing. You deserve support right now. Commenter two writes, talking to someone else about how he doesn't like her body after growing his literal baby is such a betrayal. I just couldn't get over my husband treating me that way. Personally, I would go to your parents. Get surrounded by people who love and support you. People who are not talking about you behind your back. People who care about you. People who care about who you are as a person and not about your looks and how they reflect on them. With the time and space and actual support, maybe you'll get the time and energy you need to decide if just doing his job as a dad, is he telling his mom how you don't complain about night feeds and diaper changes? Yeah, of course not. It's not expected of you. Yeah. With the time and space and actual support, maybe you will get the time and energy you need to decide if just doing his job as a dad, is he telling his mom how you don't complain about night feeds and diaper changes? Yeah, of course not. It's just expected of you. Is enough for you as a partner. Or if this is a symptom of a bigger problem, of him always making insecure digs, But how he wants his wife to be small like the women in his family. Yeah, so about that second comment. One hundred percent agree. Because honestly, I don't think this is really a story about whether OP has bounced back. OP is five months postpartum. She is five months out from having a baby. And everyone seems to be talking about getting her body back to normal. First off, what is normal? OP is not the same woman she was before having a baby. We are not comparing our bodies to other people. It's great that OP's mother in law and sister in law's have regained their bodies, but that's not the same story for everybody, especially OP, who is, again, five months postpartum. Going into my own experience with my postpartum journey, I am s now just starting to regain the the same hormonal balance I had before Rosep was here. And she's three because It actually does take about on average two years for your body to start getting back to speed. I feel more like myself now. Five months postpartum? Hell no. It's It's so weird to just look into with with what with commenter one wrote, it is something that you do see in a lot of these posts. The defending of of the partner of they're a great guy and they do all these things. And then to touch in with what commenter too wrote, separating herself from her from her partner. And actually seeing that the things that he does for the baby aren't actually all that grand because yes, he is the father. He should be doing the night feedings. He should be doing the diaper changes and not complaining about blowouts because babies have blowouts. It's just part of the chorus that you sign up for as a parent. But If Opie's husband did have some concerns over his wife his wife's health, and making checking to see if everything's okay with maybe her b bouncing back in a sense. His approach Ugh, it's it's really hard to go into this one because oi, you hear this so many times. He could have gone to his wife, to a P and said, How are you feeling? Are you okay? Is there anything you need? Do you feel like yourself? What can I take off your plate? That is Him being concerned about his partner. But instead, he goes to his mother and starts having a conversation about OP's weight and how she hasn't bounced back. And then OP's mother-in-law have the audacity to go over diet plans and Pilates and the gym and GLP ones. Whether OP would look normal by the family trip. And meanwhile, OP had no idea these conversations were even happening. That is a betrayal. It doesn't matter who you're talking to. Talking about your relationship without your partner included is a betrayal. And that's what he did. And on top of that, he made his wife's body. A topic of conversation. The emotional punch that was for OP. OP says I think I would have preferred being cheated on. And obviously those are two completely different betrayals, but I I get it. I I understand where OP's coming from with that. She went into that phone terrified that there was another woman, but instead she discovers that the conversation was about her. Her husband who has been looking at her during one of the most vulnerable periods of her life and then talking to somebody else about everything he thought was wrong. And now she's questioning every interaction she's had with his family. She thought these were people who cared about her and now she is wondering whether every time she walked out of the room somebody had something to say about her. That's why just talk to him for this situation feels way too small for me here because the damage isn't just my husband doesn't find me attractive anymore. It's I don't know who knew what and I don't know who was looking at me differently while I thought I was safe with him. And Like like I said. I've been through this myself. Looking into the weight loss. Not feeling like myself. Those were hard. I have a partner. Chai who has been so supportive. not pushing me to do things that I didn't feel comfortable with. And a mother-in-law who is I adore my mother in law. She sees me beautiful in every aspect because I feel comfortable as myself. And even more so after Rosehip. Also, furthermore, a lot of gynecologists recommend their patients, their new mothers, not start working out until the sixth month mark. So to add to that, OP's a month away from the recommended postpartum age that she sh that she would be allowed to work out. Is she even cleared for that? Sorry. The side tangent to the side. But honestly, OP. Go go your family. 'Cause as you said, if you had told them they would come to you and chew your husband out. And rightfully so. You just found out something incredibly painful. You have a five-month-old baby. You're exhausted. You don't have to decide the fate of your marriage tonight. But go to your family. Evaluate and process. Get some sleep. Let somebody take care of you for a minute. And then when you're ready. There does need to be a bigger conversation with your husband. Not about how quickly you're going to lose weight, More about why he thought your body was something he and his mother should be managing in the first place. And what gets shared with his family. About what privacy looks like inside your marriage, and about whether he understands why this hurts you so badly. Because I don't think the question right now is whether OP can bounce back. I think the real question is whether the trust can and that's going to take a lot more work than Pilates. Next leaf Okay. Let's let that one settle for a minute. We just spent a lot of time with someone finding out that home didn't feel quite as safe as she thought it did. So let's finish somewhere gentler. With a dad who made sure his son knew exactly who to call when he needed to go home. Okay, last cap. And this one is short, but honestly, this might be one of the most useful letters I've ever come across. A father gets a text from his son at eleven o'clock at night with just one letter. X. And dad immediately knows exactly what that means. This one isn't technically a letter. It's a screenshot of a post from somewhere else that someone shared to R slash wholesome AFK. The original name is blacked out, so unfortunately I don't know who wrote it. But I understand why people keep sharing it. Titled My Son Texted Me X at eleven PM That was our agreement. Signed the agreement. My son texted me the letter X at eleven PM. That is our agreement. It means things are getting weird. Get me out, but make it look like you are the bad guy. I called him immediately. I used my angry dad's voice. I told you to clean the garage before you left. Get home right now or you're grounded for a month. He hung up, rolled his eyes at his friends, and said My dad is such a psycho, I gotta go. He got in the car. He was safe. He didn't have to be a snitch or uncool. He just had to be the kid with the annoying dad. I'll wear that badge every single day if it keeps him safe. What would it have cost you at fifteen to be the one who had to say, I want to go home? And apparently this dad isn't the only parent who came up with something like this. The comments were full of different versions of the same idea, but there were a couple that stuck with me. Commenter one wrote I've read a similar thing where the kid texted his mom a random emoji. She came to get him because he'd forgotten to empty and load the dishwasher. As soon as he was in the car, he told her the host's uncle was giving him weird vibes. My kid has a similar rule. Luckily, he's never had to use it. Hopefully. Commenter two writes. Our son called us a couple of times saying that he had a stomachache and should not be driving. Meaning I have drank too much and need a ride home. No yelling, no judgment, just safe. Okay, so I love this idea. And not just because it's weed, I love it because this dad remembered something that I think we forget once we're adults. Being a teenager and saying, I'm uncomfortable, I want to leave can be really hard. Because you're not just leaving. Everybody sees you leave. Your friends want to know why. Somebody asks, What's wrong? Maybe somebody tells you you're being dramatic. Maybe absolutely nothing happens and nobody cares. But when you're fifteen, you don't necessarily know that. And it can be huge. And this dad found a way around the whole thing. His son doesn't have to explain. Doesn't have to make an excuse. Doesn't even have to type a sentence. Just X. And dad takes it from there. And honestly, I think my favorite part is what the dad does next. He makes himself the bad guy. You didn't clean the garage. Get home right now. You're grounded. And now his son gets to roll his eyes and go. Ugh, my dad is such a psycho. I have to go. Done. His friends don't have to know he wanted. His friends don't have to know he wanted out. Dad doesn't care about looking unreasonable because his kid is coming home safe. And let's face it, that is such a parent move. absolutely blame me. Make me the bad guy. Tell your friends I'm ridiculous. Tell them I'm strict. Tell them your mom ruined your night. And I will still survive the reputation. And that little bit feels more naturally mom friend Elli to me. But let's deepen it. Here's the part that I think that really matters. They made this agreement before his son needed it. Dad wasn't trying to invent a plan at eleven o'clock at night when something had already gone wrong. His son already knew. If I send this, Dad comes. No explanation needed. And then those comments. Take that idea even further. One kid uses a random emoji. Mom shows up because apparently somebody forgot to empty the load to empty and load the dishwasher. And once the kid is safely in the car, mom finds out an adult at the house had been making the kid feel uncomfortable. That one definitely hits harder especially for especially for girls and is something I do worry about for Rosehip when she gets to that age. Because sometimes kids don't even know how to explain why something feels wrong yet. They just know. I don't want to be here anymore. And honestly, that should be enough. Then the second comment. The second comment might actually be harder than what They just know I don't want to be here anymore. But for a teenager, just saying I don't want to be here anymore can be a loaded statement. And then there's the second comments, a more harder one when you analyze it, because it translated to I drank too much and need you to come get me. And the parents' response no yelling. No judgment. Just safe. And parents, this is the part we have to mean because it's very easy to say, call me anytime. I don't care what happened. I will come get you. It's harder when that call actually comes and you're scared, angry, it's late, and your kid Did exactly what you told them not to do. But that's when the promise matters because safety first and conversation later. Because I want my kid because I want Rosep to think I screwed up. I need mom. Not I screwed up. I can't call mom. That to me is the emotional center of your take. And obviously Rosehip is three years old. She's nowhere near this stage of life. Right now, our emergencies are very they're a different breed of crazy. She's definitely in her threenager stage. But this is definitely a tactic I will be noting down. Maybe it's an X maybe it's an emoji. Maybe we come up with something completely different by the time she needs it. But I want her to grow up knowing there's always an exit. You never have to stay somewhere you're worried about looking uncool. You never have to get into a car with somebody because you're afraid I'll be mad. You never have to prove something is bad enough before you're allowed to call me. If you want out, I'll get you out. And we can figure out everything else once you're safe. And maybe that's the tea Sometimes being the safe parent means being willing to be the embarrassing parent. Let them blame you. Let them roll their eyes. Let them tell everybody how completely unreasonable mom or dad is. You can handle being uncool, because if it gives your kid an easy way to say, get me out of here, when saying It when seeing it themselves feels impossible. Wear that badge proudly. Okay. Next leaf. Alright, so three letters and I don't know how I keep doing this, but I again did not actually plan for these three to fit together as well as they did. But all three were about someone trying to figure out whether they were allowed to leave. OP in the first story wanted to go home and somehow ended up bringing someone else's anger all the way to the driveway. Our second OP is wondering whether she needs to leave the person who is supposed to be the safest person in the room. And then our last story gave us a kid who didn't even have to ask. Just one letter, come get me. And maybe that's the threat of this week. Sometimes you don't need permission to leave. Sometimes you just need to know there's somewhere safe to go. And for our last pour this week, I want to keep this one real simple. Let somebody do one thing for you that you would normally insist on doing yourself. Nothing huge. Maybe let somebody do the dishes, make dinner, handle pickup, take something off your list. That one thing you automatically respond to with, no, no, I've got it. Maybe this week you don't have to have it. Let somebody else help you. And if you want to pour yourself this month's citrus tea, while you do absolutely none of the dishes, you know where to find it. I'll have it linked below. And before I let you go, we as it's a new month, which means we have a new charity. This month we're highlighting Caregiver Action Network. And honestly, when I think about November, my mind immediately went to Thanksgiving and food and supporting organizations that deal with hunger absolutely matters. But then I learned that November is also National Family Caregivers Month. there are more than 63 million family caregivers in United States. 63 million. And when we say caregiver, we're not only talking about someone whose actual title is caregiver. We're talking about the people taking care of someone they love. the daughter helping mom through an illness. The spouse trying to figure out what comes next. The parent caring for a child with ongoing needs. The family member who suddenly realizes, I guess this is my job now. And so much of that work happens quietly. What I really like about Caregiver. Action Network is that the support is practical. They give a national caregiver help desk where caregivers can call with caregiving experts, they get personalized support and help finding resources. CAN currently lists that service as free. They also have resources around things like government benefits and understanding options. For getting paid as a family caregiver. And I think this is the person I really want to talk about for a second. The person everybody keeps telling you're handling this so well. The person everybody asks about your mom or your husband or your child or whoever you're caring for. But people don't always remember to ask about you if that's you. I want you to know there are resources for you too. You don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed before you're allowed to ask for help. And if somebody came to mind while I was talking. Check on that person this month. Not just how's your mom doing? But instead, how are you doing? And actually give them enough time to answer. I'll give Caregiver Action Network and their resources linked in the descriptions. and one more thing before I let you go. Ela's Got the Tea will officially have its own subreddit. I wanted you to have somewhere to keep these conversations going between episodes. Some where you tea leaves can talk about the letters. Tell me where you would have lined it differently, share your own stories, and maybe even leave something that ends up in a future episode. I'm really excited to see what we build over there together. Once it is ready, I will have it linked below. And if one of today's letters made you think of somebody, send it to them. Especially that last one. Send that one to a parent. Honestly, that's how a show like this grows. Somebody sends a link to somebody else and says, You need to hear this. And I want to hear what you thought too. Where you'd land, were would you have handled things differently? Did I miss anything? I'm only one person with one read. I'm not always going to get it right. And honestly, some of the best tea happens with you tea leaves disagreeing with me. So put it in the comments. I read them. And if you got something out of today's episode, hit like, subscribe, or follow wherever you're listening. Everything we've talked about is in the description. This month's tea, our charity, and the timestamps for every letter. And Eventually the subreddit as well. And that's my pot my beautiful for tea leaves. And this week, as I'll check on somebody who's taking care of someone else, whether it be a mom, a dad, or even your friend who is taking care of an ailing parent. Don't ask how the person they're caring for is doing, but ask how they're doing. And actually give them time to actually answer. And with that, I'll see you in the next steep. Bye.