Latest / Jennifer Rothschild Show / #8: How To Do Relationships Like Jesus with Wayne Francis
Transcript
- 0:00It's the vulnerability that I think allows us to resonate with his work.
- 0:04So there is a theological framework of saying, I am who I am in Christ,
- 0:08and that I live to please him.
- 0:11And I'm not going to just kind of divulge every part of me to people that aren't
- 0:15worthy of getting that level of exposure.
- 0:18There is some TMI at certain places, but living in the authentic place that my
- 0:24validation doesn't come from you and external resources, it comes from
- 0:28The Holy Spirit's activity in my life and His endorsement and seal on my life.
- 0:39Hey friends, welcome to The Jennifer Rothschild Show.
- 0:43Do you know why you're here?
- 0:44Because this is where thoughtful people come to grow, and you're
- 0:47a thoughtful person.
- 0:49And so I'm glad you're here because, ooh, we are going to grow today.
- 0:53So let me start with a question.
- 0:55Don't you want meaningful relationships that build you up?
- 1:00And don't burn you out? Mm-hmm.
- 1:02Me too.
- 1:03Well, today, pastor and speaker Wayne Francis draws
- 1:07from scripture, lived experience, and years of ministry in the heart of
- 1:13New York City to show that friendship, it's not just a social add-on
- 1:19or an emotional luxury.
- 1:21It's part of God's blueprint for your flourishing.
- 1:26Ooh, this guy, he is so delightful and he's deep.
- 1:30So settle in and let's grow.
- 1:43Well, hey friends, I'm so glad you're here.
- 1:45You picked a good day to pop in on the Jennifer Rothschild Show.
- 1:49And by the way, can I just say, as we get going here, uh, if you have
- 1:52not yet left a review, please do.
- 1:56I really want to hear your heart and know what you're thinking, how this is
- 1:59serving you and ministering to you. So please leave a review, an honest one.
- 2:04Well, if you want to be super honest and it's not positive, just email me, please.
- 2:09But if you got something fairly decent to say, say it in public.
- 2:12Okay.
- 2:13On whatever platform you listen to, please leave me a review.
- 2:16But I truly mean this.
- 2:17I want this to serve you well.
- 2:19Also share the podcast.
- 2:21Please share it, share it on your socials, share it with your people.
- 2:25Because I do this for you and I want it to multiply the message, not
- 2:29just of what God has given me, but y'all, there are so many amazing
- 2:33Brothers and sisters who God is using that I get to have really
- 2:36thoughtful conversations with.
- 2:38And I want them to be shared because these are God's people and we're his family.
- 2:43So let's encourage each other.
- 2:44I happen to be— speaking of the family of God— I happen to be in Michigan
- 2:48right now on the road.
- 2:50Well, or on a ferry, I should say.
- 2:52Mackinac Island in Michigan.
- 2:54It's a women's retreat that I'm doing.
- 2:56And next week when I get home, please Please, please pray for me if the
- 3:00Lord leads you and reminds you, and I pray he will remind you.
- 3:04I am filming my next Bible study, the teaching portions.
- 3:08The Bible study is on Jesus, literally.
- 3:11No, like, that's the title.
- 3:12Like, everything I write eventually involves Jesus, of course,
- 3:15but this Bible study is literally called Jesus, and the subtitle is Walking with
- 3:20Him Through the Library of Scripture.
- 3:23So I finished the manuscript, and now because it's a video-enhanced
- 3:27Bible study, I will be filming all 7 teaching sessions live
- 3:32in Springfield, Missouri.
- 3:34So I know this is last minute for you, but if you're nearby, come on.
- 3:38It will be an encouragement.
- 3:39You'd be in the live audience.
- 3:40You'll show up on film, you know, so wear your lipstick,
- 3:43but it'd be so fun to have you there.
- 3:45It's going to be really special, but I, I really want to represent him well.
- 3:48I mean, my goodness, he saved our lives. I want to represent him well.
- 3:52So please pray that he gives me clarity of mind
- 3:55and the perfect words to teach so that he is represented well.
- 3:59All right.
- 3:59I'll tell you somebody who represents him well.
- 4:01And that is my guest today.
- 4:02I had never met him before, and y'all, what a fun guy!
- 4:07Like I just really when you hear this, you'll hear clearly.
- 4:09I resonated with him.
- 4:11I grew up in Miami, and like he is so New York,
- 4:15and I had a lot of New York friends in Miami, and so like I
- 4:17resonated immediately.
- 4:18I went right back to my roots.
- 4:20But Wayne Francis, he is the lead pastor for
- 4:24Life Church New York, which is located in Westchester County.
- 4:27And besides pastoring and being like an amazing speaker and teacher,
- 4:32he's also the. chaplain for the Brooklyn Nets.
- 4:35Very cool, right?
- 4:36He's married to Claudine, and I love this, he calls her classy,
- 4:41and he has 2 beautiful daughters.
- 4:43So you're gonna really love this conversation.
- 4:45So settle in and get ready to enjoy what Wayne Francis has to say.
- 4:56All right, Wayne, I'm super glad we're gonna be talking
- 4:58today about your book, but before we get there, I just read
- 5:03in your bio something about you that I have got to ask.
- 5:06It says you take pleasure in turning any floor into a dance floor.
- 5:13Okay, I gotta know more. Do you like to dance?
- 5:16What's up? I love dancing.
- 5:17I think dancing is a great way for us to release whatever sorrows or
- 5:22complicated thoughts that we have.
- 5:24Nobody thinks a whole lot about the issues of their life when they're dancing.
- 5:28You're just having a good time. Yeah, I agree.
- 5:30I'm, I'm a terrible dancer and I love to dance.
- 5:34Oh my gosh, I love it. I love it.
- 5:37So you dance with your wife or do you just do your own little boogie
- 5:40on the kitchen floor? What do you do?
- 5:41Oh, I do. I dance with my wife.
- 5:43I dance with my kids.
- 5:45I dance to anybody that's around.
- 5:47I'll, I'll drop it like it's hot, pick it back up like it's lukewarm.
- 5:50I'm 51 years old, so it's dropping it like it's hot is a little bit more
- 5:55lukewarm, but I get it popping.
- 5:57I love it.
- 5:58Spoken like a true New Yorker there. I love that.
- 6:01Okay, you're very— this— that's, that's so fun.
- 6:03That says a lot about your personality, and I love it.
- 6:05Joy, joy, joy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 6:08All right, so we're going to talk about something that sometimes
- 6:11is a more tender subject because we're talking about friendship,
- 6:16and your book is called Make Friends with Anyone.
- 6:20Okay, now before we even talk about friendship
- 6:23and loneliness and all the things, your book is called Make Friends with Anyone.
- 6:26I'm curious, why didn't you call your book, Make Friends with Everyone?
- 6:32You know, that's fascinating because when I was going back and forth with our
- 6:35editor, that was actually the original title.
- 6:38But we felt like that was overwhelming because sometimes relationally, it's
- 6:42very hard to make friends with everyone.
- 6:45But it's more accessible for a person to say that I can make a friend with anyone.
- 6:49That's more strategic and focused because it might not always be healthy to make
- 6:53friends with everyone around you, but you should have the capacity
- 6:57to make friends with anyone. Okay, I like that.
- 7:00I like that.
- 7:00And I like that it reduces the overwhelm, but it becomes this beautiful invitation.
- 7:06And we need it because we don't have to talk about stats right
- 7:10now to know that loneliness is an epidemic.
- 7:14I mean, people are lonely. Mm-hmm.
- 7:17And so I'm curious, when you think of loneliness,
- 7:20do you think it's more about just a lack of people, or do you think it's A lack
- 7:26of meaningful people in people's lives?
- 7:28What, what do you think loneliness is? What's the root of it?
- 7:31I actually think it's the third option, which is the lack of connection to
- 7:35meaningful people, because I think that sometimes we're
- 7:37surrounded by meaningful people, whether that's our family members, our
- 7:40spouses, people that we go to work with.
- 7:44But I think we lack the ability to connect with vulnerability and safety.
- 7:49And so we are more digitally connected than we've ever been,
- 7:53but more relationally disconnected than we've ever been.
- 7:57And so we're We're in full rooms, we just don't have a full soul.
- 8:00We're obese on connections, but we're anemic on depth.
- 8:04So I think that's where we're at.
- 8:07Okay, so you mentioned 2 words, vulnerability and safety.
- 8:11Is it because we're nervous about being vulnerable, or we don't feel safe,
- 8:15or both, or either?
- 8:16I think it's actually both, right?
- 8:18There's so much at risk right now in terms of being, you know,
- 8:22there's this sort of challenge to being your true authentic self in some ways,
- 8:26or divulging the parts of us that aren't as pretty And so vulnerability usually
- 8:31leaves people with what I call a vulnerability hangover.
- 8:34You're like, oh dude, should I have said that to them?
- 8:36I don't know what they're going to do with that information.
- 8:38Because so many of us have had the safest parts of us weaponized
- 8:42to either manipulate us or to control.
- 8:45And so it is a little bit scary sometimes to dive into a relationship with
- 8:50a person based on vulnerability.
- 8:53Yeah, 100% agree.
- 8:54And there's this weird tension between Ah, we can still be honest with
- 8:59people without being so thorough.
- 9:02Right, right, right.
- 9:03That we compromise privacy or things like that.
- 9:05I mean, and there's a difference too between privacy and secrecy.
- 9:08I mean, it's just this weird nuanced thing.
- 9:10So no matter— no wonder a lot of people just are like, okay,
- 9:14it's easier just to, you know, send somebody a text or relate
- 9:16online where I can control.
- 9:19Um, how much do you think control, a sense of control, has to do with,
- 9:24um, this loneliness epidemic?
- 9:26I think, um, it plays a big role because we're all optical illusionists that want
- 9:31to convey the fact that we're okay and that we're not hurt.
- 9:35We're Teflon, we're this, we're that.
- 9:38And yet that's the barrier to— and this is why we exhale when we meet
- 9:43that person that does just drop it like it's hot in some,
- 9:47you know, random restaurant or whatever, because they seem so free.
- 9:50We all want to be free.
- 9:52We all want to be the best version of ourselves that aren't grabbing the fig
- 9:55leaves like our first parents did after they You know, committed
- 10:00the first sin, right?
- 10:02We want to go back to the proverbial Eden where we can be
- 10:06what I would say is emotionally nude with people, where there is no shame,
- 10:10where we're at a place where we can say, hey, this is how I'm feeling.
- 10:14This might not be accurate or true, but we're whiteboarding
- 10:16in a way where it's safe in front of the people that we love and that are near us.
- 10:21Okay, that's good. That's interesting.
- 10:24And so as I hear you describe that, and we're going to get a little more into
- 10:27the nitty-gritty of literally doing friendship, but I'm curious about -- just
- 10:30theoretically, is it our safety in God, our security and identity in him,
- 10:37that kind of sets us up for success in this area?
- 10:41What is it theoretically on the more global scheme that allows us to
- 10:45take that vulnerable next step?
- 10:47I actually think that's a really great question, Jennifer.
- 10:50I think that is a theological framework that we have to kind of wrestle with.
- 10:55Because if we look at the writings of the Apostle Paul, who I think is one of the
- 10:58most vulnerable leaders of all time, particularly in the New Testament,
- 11:01listening, he's kind of like, yeah, I used to be this real bad guy.
- 11:05I persecuted the church.
- 11:06He was so aware and self-aware of allowing himself to be vulnerable.
- 11:10Think about how he wrestles publicly with people throughout millennia to say, hey,
- 11:14the good that I would do, I, I don't do it because evil presents itself.
- 11:19Oh, I'm such a wretched man, right?
- 11:21That is vulnerable.
- 11:22I mean, you are the Apostle Paul, dude, and you're talking about you
- 11:25struggle with sin like me.
- 11:28But it frees all of us to enter into this space when he says things like,
- 11:31man, I prayed and 3 times I deny it.
- 11:34It's the vulnerability that I think allows us to resonate with his work.
- 11:38So there is a theological framework of saying, I am who I am in Christ,
- 11:42and that I live to please him.
- 11:45And I'm not going to just kind of divulge every part of me to people that aren't
- 11:49worthy of getting that level of exposure.
- 11:51There is some TMI at certain places. Sure.
- 11:55But living in the authentic place that my validation doesn't come from you and
- 12:00external resources, it comes from the Holy Spirit's activity in my life
- 12:04and his endorsement and seal on my life.
- 12:07I love that— his endorsement and seal on my life.
- 12:09I'm so glad.
- 12:10I've never thought of— well, first of all, I've never thought of the blustery
- 12:13Apostle Paul as vulnerable.
- 12:16But you're absolutely right. He is.
- 12:18And I love to see even just talking about him shows us, Wayne,
- 12:21that strength and vulnerability.
- 12:23But yeah, when we're positioned, endorsed, sealed, signed, it's done.
- 12:28Nothing. We risk nothing.
- 12:31Which is so interesting.
- 12:32Because if you compare his personality, the Apostle Paul, to let's say to Peter.
- 12:37Peter, who seemed to be pretty vulnerable in the New Testament,
- 12:41like in terms of saying what was on his mind, like what was on his
- 12:44mind was out his mouth.
- 12:45In his writings, he doesn't really get vulnerable about what he did.
- 12:50You never hear him say in the epistles like, hey, I, Peter, the one who denied
- 12:54Christ 3 times, like he doesn't do that.
- 12:57And yet you look at Paul and Paul's just letting his stuff out.
- 13:01And I think that there's the beauty of different personalities.
- 13:04Yeah, it is. It is the different personalities.
- 13:06And it's also such a beautiful paradigm to think, okay, when we're safe in God,
- 13:10we can risk with others.
- 13:12And we're not going to step into the ocean until we realize that we can risk.
- 13:17And so, okay, that was an obvious transition since,
- 13:20you know, your book, but that's what I want us to do.
- 13:21I want to go into the ocean. Okay.
- 13:23Because you've got this cool framework.
- 13:26I think there's 5. Yes.
- 13:28Yeah.
- 13:29Show us the different types of relationships based on this paradigm
- 13:32you created, this framework. Yeah.
- 13:34This is a rubric that I think is so useful for us to figure out how to
- 13:37stratify our friendships.
- 13:39Bit of a nod to the way that Jesus even stratified his friendships.
- 13:43But the first level in this, uh, rubric is we have sunbathing relationships.
- 13:47That's the surface-level relationships where you talk to the other mom that's at
- 13:51the bus stop with you as you're picking up your kids.
- 13:54It's the barista at your local coffee shop.
- 13:56You don't get deep with them, but there's sunbather relationships,
- 13:59and it's great to just chat and talk about things that are casual.
- 14:03The only problem is if you stay on the surface too long, you get sunburned.
- 14:07So the second relationship level that I talk about in the book is surfers.
- 14:12Surfers are the people that seem to come into your life on the waves
- 14:15of life, the rhythms of life.
- 14:17They recede with the ebb and flow.
- 14:19So these are the friends that celebrate you when the graduations happen and the
- 14:22weddings, but you might not talk to them for about 3 or 4 months.
- 14:26But most people that are surfers would say this about this type of personality:
- 14:30we just pick up where we left off. Yeah.
- 14:33Those are the type of friends that they just roll in and they roll out.
- 14:35The next level is a snorkeler.
- 14:37A snorkeler is a person that you can get a little bit under the surface with.
- 14:41You might tell them about a couple of things that are bothering you.
- 14:44You might get a little bit more vulnerable, but certainly
- 14:46you're still protected.
- 14:48You're just seeing some parts of their world, and they're seeing a part of your
- 14:51world that's a lot more different that you couldn't see from the sunbathing level,
- 14:55and you couldn't see from the surfer level.
- 14:57But the relationships that mostly endear many of us,
- 15:00or at least that is aspirational for us, is the Uh, snorkeling level.
- 15:05Snorkelers are the people that you go deep with, man.
- 15:08You have apparatus, you're getting down and dirty.
- 15:11They're knowing about your problems, your heartaches,
- 15:13that your husband is getting on your nerves and so are your kids, that you're—
- 15:17you've been betrayed and backstabbed.
- 15:18They know some things about your childhood traumas and all that.
- 15:21And the interesting thing about scuba divers is that if you both pull out the
- 15:25relationship too fast, you'll get the bends.
- 15:28So you stay committed.
- 15:29The last level of relationships that I think is fascinating
- 15:33is the submarine level.
- 15:34This is the deepest level of relationship.
- 15:37This is the people that you have mutual destruction with because you are willing
- 15:41to go into the depths and you are totally vulnerable, totally in a place where you
- 15:47share the most exclusive type of friendship possible.
- 15:50The beautiful thing about a submarine relationship though is that it's the only
- 15:53one where you can enjoy every level because submarines can float toward the
- 15:58top and it'll be okay, and sometimes you can get a little bit lower and go deep.
- 16:02It's one of those relationships that is the safest, but
- 16:06you got to be careful because not everybody can be at that level of depth,
- 16:10and you can't confuse— you can't give submarine access to people
- 16:15that are sunbathers.
- 16:16It's a— there's a strategic way of connecting with people.
- 16:19Wow. Okay, that is so good.
- 16:21And I know just like I was listening, others were analyzing the people in our
- 16:27lives and who we are in their lives.
- 16:29And so that's really good framework.
- 16:32Okay, so what have you found though, especially understanding kind of what you
- 16:35just shared with us, what have you found that What's to be the
- 16:38most like challenging part of making these intentional
- 16:42or meaningful relationships, maybe toward the snorkeling, getting down
- 16:46to the diving to the submarine level?
- 16:49What is it? Yeah, it's hardest.
- 16:52I think giving people trust to go there and the idea of,
- 16:57you have to be okay with not always receiving the reciprocity
- 17:00that you might intend.
- 17:02You have to take a risk to get to those levels of relationship.
- 17:05And I actually have in the book, a friendship audit where you can Yeah.
- 17:09And you can actually take a quick test, sort of similar to
- 17:11the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs or anything, to find out what type of natural
- 17:15propensity you have in relationships, which will help you
- 17:19on how you relate to other people.
- 17:21But basically, it takes trust.
- 17:23You got to trust the apparatus.
- 17:25And too many of us, we keep floaties on for safety
- 17:29to just kind of wade around them.
- 17:30But if you see an adult with floaties on in a pool, there's something
- 17:34wrong with that, right?
- 17:36Adults should learn how to take the risk to swim.
- 17:39And I think that's the most important thing.
- 17:41takes risk, and you will get hurt, and you do have to reorder friendships.
- 17:45There is no sort of like nirvana toward relationships.
- 17:50You're gonna get hurt.
- 17:51Jesus got hurt.
- 17:54Yeah, I didn't even think about that, but you're right.
- 17:55He was betrayed.
- 17:57And whoo, okay, so interesting, Pastor.
- 18:00And I, I love this because I'm glad you've written it into the book because this is
- 18:04the kind of thing we don't just glean in a 30-minute conversation on a podcast.
- 18:08I'm glad we can go deeper in the book.
- 18:11But one thing that strikes me just as a pragmatic point,
- 18:15someone listening right now, and she's into friendships, of course,
- 18:19but I'm curious, how would you recommend that she honors
- 18:22her marriage, but still cultivates meaningful
- 18:26friendships outside of her marriage?
- 18:29Yeah, that's a great question.
- 18:30Because I think that there is something that happens.
- 18:33And this sometimes is not the most popular thing.
- 18:35Because I hear spouses say, well, this person is my best friend,
- 18:38or my husband's my best friend, or my wife is my best friend.
- 18:41And I actually think that that's possible and beautiful in its own respect.
- 18:45But I also think that it's limiting.
- 18:47I actually think that couples should have somebody of the same gender that is their
- 18:53close friend, because it's a different type of relationship.
- 18:57And God has made it so that we need relationships.
- 18:59They're oxygen. They're not optional.
- 19:02And I think sometimes we can hide the parts of ourselves in this kind of like,
- 19:05oh, my spouse is my best friend thing, when we actually need to
- 19:09know certain things about a person through somebody else.
- 19:12God has made it a 90-degree angle.
- 19:14There are things— my wife has been in perimenopause— that I can
- 19:18empathize with, but she gonna need some girlfriends, right?
- 19:21You can't help her with that.
- 19:23I can't help you with that, right?
- 19:25And there's certain things that the male soul needs affirmation through that
- 19:29my wife may not be able to supply.
- 19:31That doesn't mean that it's a lesser relationship.
- 19:33It just means that God has made us to experience the best and the worst out of
- 19:38each other, and we cannot experience the best of God without the best
- 19:42and worst of each other. And that can't be in a marriage context.
- 19:45We have to be discipled by people that are different than us.
- 19:49Amen.
- 19:49Listen, that is such a good word, and I hope my girlfriends
- 19:52out there have heard that.
- 19:54You know, my— I love my husband.
- 19:56He is a stud, but he's not my BFF.
- 19:59I mean, I've got girl BFFs, and he would not want that job.
- 20:03It's a lot. It's a lot, right?
- 20:06I know sometimes it's unpopular, but sometimes it's a,
- 20:09it's a safety measure because people are afraid to be vulnerable with somebody that
- 20:13they're not covenanted with financially, emotionally, children,
- 20:17and so on and so forth. It's because it gets scary.
- 20:20Yeah, right.
- 20:21Well, and I know this, Wayne, I'm a better wife because of my girlfriends.
- 20:26Yes, I learned from how they relate to their husbands, and I'm not gonna,
- 20:30you know, gain that from my husband being my one and only BFF for
- 20:33the rest of my life. Right, right.
- 20:35Um, yeah, iron sharpens iron.
- 20:37So I'm curious about you personally, like, what is the most unusual way
- 20:41that you've ever made a friend?
- 20:43Oh, wow.
- 20:45Well, you know, I've done so many different things.
- 20:48Like, I've slid into the DMs of a pastor that I wanted to learn from and just
- 20:53texted and said, hey dude, can I have lunch with you?
- 20:55Nice.
- 20:56Um, because I'm a new church planter and you look like you're
- 20:58doing something great.
- 20:59I'm the guy that you don't want to sit next to on an airplane because
- 21:02I am going to talk to you.
- 21:04Put your earbuds in because I'm gonna make a way to have a friendship with you.
- 21:08But usually I am so into making friendships that
- 21:12I am constantly talking to people.
- 21:15I'm curious about humans, about what they're wearing.
- 21:18I live in New York City, obviously, and it's like there's fashion
- 21:21and there's art and so on.
- 21:23So I don't know if there's anything more unique.
- 21:26Oh, I made a friend after I broke my arm.
- 21:28That's a pretty unique way to make a friend.
- 21:31And I just saw him on the street.
- 21:32Hey, yes, I broke my arm cycling last year.
- 21:35Oh.
- 21:37And it was a great opportunity to make a friend with the EMS team.
- 21:42He literally came to my church about 2 days ago.
- 21:46It was Sunday and came to say hello and to check on my arm.
- 21:49I love that.
- 21:51I love that.
- 21:52So there's, there's plenty of avenues, but I'm curious what you would say.
- 21:55In fact, we've only got a couple more questions here, Wayne,
- 21:58but I'm curious what you would say.
- 21:59So clearly, I mean, I would assume you're either a learned extrovert or you're a
- 22:02natural extrovert, but you talk to people. Okay.
- 22:05Yes. Some people aren't quite that wired.
- 22:08To the one who struggles to begin relationships,
- 22:12like, and she may feel isolated.
- 22:15What, what can you tell her?
- 22:17What would be a good first step for her?
- 22:19The first step is to— you're gonna have to be okay with not
- 22:23feeling reciprocity or received, right?
- 22:26Like, somehow you have to dull the piece of us
- 22:29that is like, I don't want to be rejected.
- 22:31And you have to do it in your head first before you actually
- 22:34engage in a relationship.
- 22:35Then the second thing is, I think introverts need to
- 22:37not worry about quantity.
- 22:40I think they need to just focus on one and let the one multiply in
- 22:43the way that it needs to.
- 22:44I think we don't need many friends in terms of like, uh,
- 22:48you know, 15 or 10 friends.
- 22:50We need to take the courage to develop one, one that we can be vulnerable with.
- 22:54Because what happens is when we get into those relationships and we let those walls
- 22:57down and we get connected, it makes it easier for the next one.
- 23:01We become less resistant, we become less calculated.
- 23:04Introverts tend to be a little bit more calculated, like,
- 23:06I just don't want to do that. Uh, That's odd.
- 23:08That's weird.
- 23:08I think you just focus on uniting with the personality type that you
- 23:13feel most comfortable with, which probably isn't the opposite of you.
- 23:16It's probably somebody that's more like you.
- 23:19That's, that's a good word.
- 23:20And I happen to be an introvert, which because of what I do,
- 23:23people are usually surprised by that.
- 23:25I've just, I love people and I'm curious.
- 23:27So it translates as extroversion.
- 23:29But I will say, I've had seasons in my life, Wayne, where
- 23:33I've thought, okay, I literally have to change my mindset.
- 23:36set.
- 23:37People are gonna like you.
- 23:38Act like they're gonna like you.
- 23:40Just go in with confidence and assume that they're gonna like you,
- 23:44because introverts overanalyze, you know? Yeah.
- 23:47So that's—We overcalculate.
- 23:49We do.
- 23:49It's such an interesting, um, observation you made.
- 23:52And I remember even as a little girl or teenager, I was starting to date
- 23:56and I was such a nervous wreck.
- 23:57And my dad was like, okay— he sat down with me, precious dad.
- 24:00He sits down with me, he says, okay, here's 3 questions
- 24:03that you can ask anytime you have any kind of new relationship, and,
- 24:07and it just gets the ball rolling.
- 24:09Yeah.
- 24:09Um, and honestly, I think sometimes we need to be that pragmatic, you know?
- 24:14Yes, yes.
- 24:14Because we're reducing that sense of self-awareness when we do, I think.
- 24:19I agree.
- 24:19And Jennifer, I like to tell people, and especially for introverts,
- 24:22your mindset is determined by where you let your mind sit.
- 24:26And if your mind is always sitting in, I'm not going to be received,
- 24:30I'm going to be rejected, I'm going to have this,
- 24:31then that's probably the way your relationships are going to But when you
- 24:34have a right mindset, you set your mind in the right places and
- 24:37it becomes easier to arrive and show up to the world in a way that's authentic.
- 24:41Word. Okay, good stuff.
- 24:43Wow.
- 24:44Okay, this is— you are delightful and I just, I'm so grateful for your energy.
- 24:48If I were near you, I would want you to dance with me so I'd be a better dancer.
- 24:53150%!
- 24:55Okay, you'd be dragging this blind woman around your dance floor.
- 24:58You've not seen anything. Yet.
- 25:00Here's our last question.
- 25:01All right, Wayne, so this podcast is where thoughtful people come to grow.
- 25:08So just leave us with something, anything you want to share with
- 25:11us that has helped you grow.
- 25:14I think the things that, or the people that have helped me grow in the
- 25:19most recent cycle of my life have been the most challenging people,
- 25:23the people that were confrontational.
- 25:25I don't like confrontation.
- 25:27I try to to run away from confrontation a lot of times.
- 25:30I want everybody to like me.
- 25:32I want everybody to love me.
- 25:33And usually a conflict delayed is a conflict escalated.
- 25:37And I have had more growth with people and friends that have really called me to the
- 25:42mat on different things that didn't affect our relationship.
- 25:46Like, it wasn't me and them beefing about anything.
- 25:48It was like, hey, your life looks like it's moving really fast.
- 25:51And, um, it looks like you're all over the place, and it feels like you're,
- 25:54you're not slowing down.
- 25:55In fact, I'll tell you how I grew recently.
- 25:58A friend of mine— I got my tattoo the other day.
- 26:0051 years old. Exactly.
- 26:02And it was an homage to my grandmother and my mother.
- 26:05My mother recently passed away about a year ago, and my friend was challenging me
- 26:10and saying that my personality is like a hummingbird, that I move
- 26:14around and all this stuff.
- 26:15And you, you know, you have this frenetic pace, which is good because you pollinate
- 26:18different areas, but you're also busy in a way that you don't rest.
- 26:22And, um, and the challenge was a gentle rebuke That has allowed me to grow and to
- 26:28become more settled in a new
- 26:30way of looking at myself.
- 26:40So, uh, you heard Wayne say he got his first tattoo.
- 26:44When we got off mic, he said, oh, it was a little awkward.
- 26:47I, I wasn't sure if I should have said that to your audience.
- 26:49And then I told him, Wayne, I got my first tattoo also.
- 26:53Many of you know that I got it last year.
- 26:54When I turned 62, I got my first tattoo.
- 26:58And he said, oh, that makes me feel so much better.
- 27:00Well, listen, I got 3 words on my arm that say, it is well, because
- 27:06that's the way I've lived my life.
- 27:08That's what Jesus has done for me.
- 27:10And that's how I want to end my final days with those words on my lips and on my arm.
- 27:15It is well.
- 27:18Oh, it is well.
- 27:19Okay.
- 27:20Here's a seed for thought to help you grow that I thought Wayne dropped
- 27:23that I thought was so helpful.
- 27:25When I asked him what helped him grow, He said people have helped him grow.
- 27:30Isn't that interesting?
- 27:31People, but not just anybody.
- 27:33It's the ones who confront and challenge.
- 27:36So be wise.
- 27:38I thought this was really smart what he said.
- 27:39Don't run from confrontation because conflict delayed
- 27:45becomes conflict escalated.
- 27:49Now I know it's hard.
- 27:50I hate conflict, but I much more dislike
- 27:53ambiguous relationships where you don't know where you stand and where We have to
- 27:56stand on the eggshells to have any kind of conversation.
- 28:00So within these safe relationships that we have, he said rebuke has
- 28:06actually helped him grow. Y'all, that's huge.
- 28:08That's huge.
- 28:09I think there's a lot here you're going to want to review.
- 28:11So check out the show notes, of course, so you can read the transcript.
- 28:14His book will be there.
- 28:15Anything else that can help you grow is going to be right there on the show notes.
- 28:18So thank you for sharing the podcast.
- 28:20Thank you for leaving a review.
- 28:22Thank you for praying for the Jesus Bible Study.
- 28:25Man, do I love you and need you and appreciate you.
- 28:27You guys are the absolute best.
- 28:30So thanks for being a part of the podcast.
- 28:33Keep growing, and I will see you next week.