Latest / (re)Parenting Radio / 45: Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes?

Transcript

45: Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes? · (re)Parenting Radio

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reparenting Radio.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Lisa Watson, architect of human transformation.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a space for leaders, parents, and anyone ready to break old patterns, regulate their nervous system, and show up in their life with clarity and self-trust.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to change the way you lead, love, and live, you're in the right place.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, welcome back to Reparenting Radio.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever caught yourself saying, Why did I do that again?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I told myself I was not going to react like that.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I did.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you've said, I've just always been this way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to notice something about these statements.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: They are describing behavior, but they're also assuming identity.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And those two are very, very different things.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: One of the questions that I hope people begin asking themselves after listening to this is this really me, this behavior, or is it just a pattern?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I believe that that question has the power to change the way we experience life, ourselves, and others.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily overnight, but over time.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It shifts us from judgment to curiosity.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if we ask a question enough times over and over and over again, we repeat it, it really starts to sink in.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we start to be more aware of that question.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's like running in the background, it becomes part of the subconscious program.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it shifts us from judgment to curiosity, from shame to understanding, and from feeling stuck to realizing that we have a choice.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: We have choices.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal isn't to become someone different.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you're going through life, evolving, personal development, spiritual development.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about becoming somebody different or fixing yourself.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to become aware and strip away the behaviors that are not in alignment with your authenticity.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do that, you realize that you have a choice whether to behave this way or behave that way.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: That nothing is, what I want to say, carved in stone.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns are not carved in stone.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have a choice and we do not have to continue to repeat the same patterns that are no longer serving us.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because patterns, they create automatic lives.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness, conscious, intentional behavior, it creates conscious lives.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why awareness matters.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness doesn't necessarily magically change us, but it really is like 80% of the work.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness interrupts autopilot mode.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives you the like the portal, the door to choose differently.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Until you can see what's been choosing for you, you don't realize that you have another choice.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what awareness does for you.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to offer you five signs that what you're experiencing, the way you're behaving, might actually not be your personality, it might simply be a pattern.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You ready?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Five steps.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Get your pencils ready.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: All right, sign number one.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: If it feels automatic, maybe you hear yourself say something like, I don't even know why I said yes.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or it just came out.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you say something like, I wasn't even thinking.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those statements right there are your first clue.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns don't ask for permission.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: They're simply running.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Think about when you're driving home from work.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever arrived in your driveway and you barely remember the drive?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't consciously choosing every turn.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain, your subconscious mind, it took over.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns work the same way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: We don't wake up deciding to overthink or over-explain or over-apologize or be defensive or shut down.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Those responses become familiar through repetition.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they became automatic.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when something becomes automatic, we often mistake it for who we are.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's step one.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Step two, it keeps repeating.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Different relationships, same conflict, different boss, same frustration.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Different friendship, same ending.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: If the people keep changing, but the emotional experiences keep feeling familiar, it's time to get curious.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not bad luck.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not that life keeps picking on you.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your nervous system is recreating what's familiar.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that we know about the nervous system is that it does not automatically seek happiness.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I've spoken about this on many podcasts, in many newsletters.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: The nervous system seeks familiarity.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Even if familiarity isn't healthy, and it seems like most of the time it's not.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's why someone can leave one controlling relationship and find themselves with another controlling partner.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Different face, same emotional experience.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because until we recognize the pattern, we will just recreate it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's number two.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, when your reactions feel bigger than the moment.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Someone doesn't text you back, you immediately wonder if they're upset.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Someone offers a little constructive feedback and it feels like a personal attack.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Someone changes plans, and suddenly you're carrying disappointment far beyond the situation itself.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: We've all experienced moments where our emotional reaction surprised us.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when that happens, I think one of the most compassionate questions that we can ask ourselves is what does this remind me of?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: The feeling of it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: What does this feeling remind me of?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: How old do I feel?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of the time, with triggers, we're reacting to what our nervous system learned to expect.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: The event happens in the present, but the meaning typically is coming from the past.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's number three.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number four?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds like it's your identity.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to how often we describe ourselves.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to yourself, listen to others, and you will hear things like, I'm just anxious.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm a people pleaser.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've always been an overthinker.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm terrible with money.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just bad at relationships.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have a broken picker.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Notice how permanent those statements sound.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you compare them to phrases like this, my nervous system learned anxiety.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing came as a survival strategy for me.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Overthinking has always helped me feel prepared.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the difference?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: One is creating shame, and the other is creating understanding.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: One closes a door to choice, and the other opens it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I love the word pattern so much.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because patterns can change.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Identities feel permanent.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns create choice and possibility.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exciting.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's number four.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the last one, number five, is that it just feels familiar.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: The behavior feels familiar, even when it doesn't feel good.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this one might be the most important one.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think most of us assume we're motivated by happiness.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality is we're really motivated by familiarity.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: We move towards what our nervous system recognizes, not necessarily towards what's healthiest.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's why people can stay in relationships that hurt them for years and years and years, and jobs that they dislike.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: They can continue to say yes when they mean no, abandoning themselves, or repeat the same arguments over and over again.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they want to, but because familiar feels predictable, and predictable feels safe.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Understanding that completely changed the way I see myself, my life, and others.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So what are what do we do with all of this?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: We do nothing, at least not yet.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: What we do is we simply observe.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, as you go through your day, see if you can identify just one pattern.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be a big one.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a little one.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's the moments of noticing that are gonna add up.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the noticing doesn't I don't want you to fix yourself, okay?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just awareness.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to try to change anything.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice it right now.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: When you apologize before you've done anything wrong, notice it.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you hear yourself say, oh sorry, I didn't mean to, sorry, oh excuse me, sorry, when you're assuming the worst.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Catastrophizing things in your head.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Notice.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Notice when you're tight, when your throat tightens, your chest feels tight, your stomach feels queasy because you're not speaking your truth, or you're dealing with an energy that you just don't want to deal with anymore.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Every time your body says no, but you say yes, pay attention.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: When your body says yes and you say no, pay attention.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Notice when you react more strongly than the moment seems to call for.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And notice it without guilt, without shame, simply as an observer with curiosity about yourself, about your patterns, about your programs.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Get to know them.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: We can't make a choice and change something that we're not aware of.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: If we believe it's our personality, our identity, our genes, our DNA, our doctor said so, it will continue to be your reality.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not until you decide I am the powerful one here, and I'm going to change this simply by making new choices.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness isn't about becoming someone new, it's about creating enough space that you finally have a choice.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the moment that everything does change.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're no longer living entirely on autopilot.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're becoming conscious, you're beginning to see.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And once you see a pattern, you have options that you didn't have before.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this information is so powerful, honestly.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And recently I started a new series called One Minute of Awareness Series.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find it on my TikTok and my YouTube channels.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I started it because 60 seconds can interrupt an automatic moment.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It can introduce one new question.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is this really me or is this a pattern?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that awareness is all we need.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: One question, one pause, one moment of noticing.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Heck, Bruce Lipton changed my life in with one sentence in one video, basically.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: I talked about that in my last podcast.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So know that.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: One moment, one bit of just pure awareness can change the direction of your life, of your relationships with others, with yourself, with your body.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness truly is a very powerful, powerful tool.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you take advantage of it this week.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: But before we wrap up, if you have been enjoying these conversations, I would love to invite you to join my weekly newsletter if you're not subscribed already.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's where I explore these ideas and share them every Tuesday.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have not seen my One Minute of Awareness series on YouTube or TikTok, I encourage you to check those out.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Each one explores a different pattern in about 60 seconds.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's simple reminders to help you understand yourself with just a little bit more curiosity and a little less judgment.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And everything is linked in the show notes.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, be gentle with yourself and remember you are not broken.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: You are patterned.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And patterns, they can be changed.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Reparenting Radio.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: If today's conversation supported you, take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who knows they were made for more than the patterns that they inherited.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready for serious inner work and real transformation, personally or professionally, you can explore my leadership pathways at Lisa-Watson.com.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're raising little ones alongside your own healing, you'll find my children's books at awakintheone.org.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay grounded, stay open, and keep reparenting the parts of you that are ready to come home to their authenticity.