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The Black Mother Wound: Dealing with Mother’s Day When You Have a Mother Wound · The Breakfast Club

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Don't go in there all phony like this is the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: mom You've been the best and your dinner. Do not
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: tell that Hallmark story if it's not true, because it's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: gonna bite you in the fucking ass. Welcome to the
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Black Mother Womb Podcast, where we send you the stories
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: of black women as we heal from the painful relationships
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: with our mothers. Welcome to the Black Mother Womb Podcast.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Jennifer, our niece. Welcome back, y'all. What's happening?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Happy Tuesday. I hope everyone is doing well today. Let
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: me start off by thanking everyone for all of the
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: congratulations from last week when I told you all that
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I won the picture podcast contest on with Black Effects
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Podcast Network.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Thank y'all so much.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Like y'all know, I had to tell y'all because we
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: really are in this all together.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, and I couldn't have done it.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Without this community. In a way, y'all support me and
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: y'all pour into me. I'm not gonna cry in the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: first minute of the podcast, but I really do want
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: to thank all of y'all.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I really do appreciate you.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I'm usually better, I responded to comments so everybody who
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: love a comment.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: It has been so busy since I have been back,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: just with my own life child.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: You know, when you leave home.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: When I leave home for two or three days and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I miss a weekend, it's like, oh lord, all these
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: things I need to do, and during the week I
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: already have a lot to do.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: But anyway, I appreciate y'all very much.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: This episode is going to air the Tuesday before Mother's Day.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: And so that's what we're going to talk about.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I was going to try and figure out a smooth
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: way to come into it, but I was like, there's
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: really no way, and I have some notes on my
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: phone to kind of help me stay grounded and focused
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: in this conversation. It has been a couple of years
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: since I've done a.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Mother Wound podcast.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I've only done one, and I think that was like
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: maybe twenty twenty two, twenty twenty three. Because when Mother's
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Day comes, I just drop off, you know. And it's
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: not because I'm sad. It is because I am tending
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: to myself and I'm celebrating Mother's Day, right, Like I
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: have decentered the relationship with my mother for Mother's Day
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and have centered me as a mother, and so I
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: have trained myself to celebrate that and to pay attention
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to that, and to pay less attention to the grief
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: in the morning. Now, I know everybody is not there,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: and y'all know I've been doing this work a long time.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: And I wanted to you know, I know I've been
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: giving y'all a lot of work to do, and it's.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Like, you need to do this, you gotta get this
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: this week.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I really just want to give you a hug.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Like I want to talk about how you can manage
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: yourself on Sunday, manage your emotions on Sunday, manage people's expectations.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: You know what might be coming up for you as
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: this holiday, which is like I think it's like Christmas, Thanksgiving.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Mother's Day. I think that's like the like the the the.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Order of importance of American holidays. So it's a really
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: big deal, and I know it is. It can be triggering,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: it can be sad, and I don't want y'all to
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: be sad, and I know I can't. I can't control that.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: So we're just gonna talk about a few things today.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: What I did was I just like wrote questions based
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: off of conversations I have with people in this community,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: my students and my clients, and the first thing I
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: want to say is be honest with yourself, Like, be
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: honest about how you feel. It's interesting because some of us,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: if we've never grown up, and maybe this might be,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: you know, my saving grace when it comes to Mother's Day. One,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: if you grew up in a household wh you didn't
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: really celebrate a lot of holidays, that was me. Like
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: we didn't do Christmas. We did Thanksgiving because that was food,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: but we didn't do Christmas, Halloween, we do no Easter,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: money and all that type of shit.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: And we didn't do birthdays.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: We weren't even just witness that was just Pentecostal Christian,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Pentecostal Church of God, holiness, praise God. But we didn't
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: celebrate holidays. So there was never a big push for
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Mother's Day. And I don't think my mother ever celebrated
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it with her mother, you know what I mean. So
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: it was never like I never heard her say like,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: oh it's Mother's Day coming up, let me do something
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: for my mother.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: That wasn't a thing.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And because me and my mother weren't close, I never
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: was like super it never was a super big thing
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: for me, right. I think when I became I don't
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: even think I probably was cognizant of Mother's Day until
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: maybe I went to college. I started working, and I
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: wanted to get her Mother's Day cars and buy her
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: stuff from Mother's Day. But I don't even remember Mother's
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Day as a kid, right. So it's really interesting because
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm saying this to say, marketing and branding will
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: tell you a story, okay, and you will take on
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: that story as your own, and you will not know
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: the difference between what you feel and what the world
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: and media in society is telling you to feel. And
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: one of the best things you can do, of course,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: is disconnect from a lot of the social media, because
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: you know it's gonna be every month everybody got the
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: best mother. I want to think my mother, my mother,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother on social Instagram, TikTok, Facebook,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: the thought. You know, even though some of them folks's line,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: that's what you don't realize. I know because I see
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: their posts and then I also having them in my
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: DMS talking about how their mother said something that crushed
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: them and they're trying to do this and do that,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: but they're stuck in the Mother's Day matrix is what
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I call it. And if you can really get clear
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: about how you feel and how you've been feeling, when
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Sunday comes.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: You can hold on to that feeling. Right.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: So if today it's Tuesday, Mother's Day is on Sunday.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: What I want you to be doing today, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Saturday is mining for good feelings, finding things that you
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: appreciate about yourself and about your life and about the
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: community you're in and people that care about you. And
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I want you to focus on that. I don't want
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: you to focus on what's about to happen on Sunday.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And healing really is about taking back control of your
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: own mind, right, because so much of what you.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Have come to.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Believe isn't based off of you, It's it's based off
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: of how how you perceive the world and how you
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: want the world to perceive you, and then you shape
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: your mind around that. I'm gonna say that again. So
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: much of what you believe and even what you feel
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: is around how you perceive the world and how you
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: want to be perceived by the world. And healing your
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: mother wound is about autonomy, and it's about the individuation process.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: It's about being defined internally by you and by you only, right.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And I said, I wasn't gonna give you all any
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: work to do, but I guess this does feel like
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: a little.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Bit of homework.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: But it's good homework, right, and I want you to
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: do it. I don't want you to be mining for
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: appreciation and good feelings because Mother's Day is coming and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: you need an emotional buffer. This is how I want
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you to be living your life on a regular This
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: is how you need to be living your life every day.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: This needs to become your habit, like brushing your teeth
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: and putting deodorant on, right, And it's very important. Okay,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing. So what else do I want
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: you to know?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Lien?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: We got mining for good feelings so you can be
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: honest about how you feel, right, But you get to
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: create your feelings.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: You get to create your feelings. And this is the
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: other thing.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: If you are genuinely sad this week, if you are
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: genuinely sad on Sunday, then let yourself be sad. Don't
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: just switch off. And said Jennifer said, to be happy
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: to that, and no, if you're sad, be sad. There's
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that and it's not something for you
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: to be ashamed of. And then if you are sad,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: if you are feeling down, here we go again. How
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: do you console yourself in that?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Are you gonna take yourself out to eat or you're
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: gonna order in? Are you gonna stay in bed and binge?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Watch Insecure?
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Right? The whole season Game of Thrones? Like what are
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: you going.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: To do in order to soothe the inner little child
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: in you?
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Because you don't have to just suck it up? And
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: you don't have to. I don't I don't want you
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: all to punish yourself, right and go through this thing
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: of you know, I don't have a mother, This is
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: the worst day of the year for me, and she
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: wasn't there for me, and no one else is gonna
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: be there for me. And you use it as a
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: way to like emotionally dump on yourself because you don't
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: deserve that. Don't think about it from the adult perspective.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Think about it from the little girl perspective, like, how
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: would you want her to feel on a day where
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: she feels alone? What would you want to do with her?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: You know, how would you want.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: To treat her that day? Right, So that's how I
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: want you to look at it. Okay, what else do
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: we have here?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I already said, don't go on social media if it's
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: that's all I'm gonna say, because I'm not really on
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: their own Sundays either. I'm not really on social media
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: a lot on the weekends anyway. But when Mother's Day comes,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: it's like Saint Patrick's Day. This is not my thing.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not white, I'm not Irish, I don't really drink.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: It's not for me. Right now, this is for folks
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: who are still in contact with their mother. I wrote here,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: should you reach out to her? Some of you all
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: are in like this thing, like, am I gonna say
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: something to her? Am I gonna call her? Am I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: gonna take her out? Am I gonna send her something?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Do what you want to do?
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Healing is about disappointing people, right Because you have made
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: a choice not to abandon yourself. It can make you
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: feel like you are guilty. It doesn't mean you are guilty.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: You can just feel that you are guilty, and I
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: want you to know how to console yourself with that feeling. Also,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Right because there's also going to be a part of
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: you that is like, yes, finally, like I took a stance.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: For some of you, this might be your norm. You
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: don't call, you don't tax, you don't send anything. They
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: already know. But if you're in that transition period, right,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: and you habitually have been showing up for holidays, birthdays,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: things of that nature, and you're like I don't want to,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: then don't. And if you're at a point where you
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: don't want to but you feel like you have to,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: like you're not ready, you don't have it in you yet,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: you don't have the I.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Don't even want to use the word courage.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: You're just not to that phase yet where you're you're
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: not You're not that bold yet.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Right, This is what I will.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Say, temper it. Don't go in there off phony like
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: this is the mom you've been the best and your dinner.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Do not tell that Hallmark story if it's not true,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: because it's gonna bite you in the fucking ass. Okay,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I mean like hard, don't do that because you're gonna
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: it's gonna blow back on you emotionally. Right, if you're
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: gonna get you feel like I'm gonna get her a card.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Don't get a card telling her she's the best mom
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: in the world. If you don't believe that's who she is.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Get a simple I hope you have a great day.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day sign Juanita, Like you know what I mean?
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Like there's there's layers to this, right you might say,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you know what we all do go to church on
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Sunday or we.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Go to her house.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm not to a space where I just can't
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: do that. I don't have it yet, I can't take
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: the pressure of it. Then guess what set a time
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: limit be Like, you know what, I'm gonna be there
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: for a hour and a half. Go ahead and let
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: everybody know I'm not gonna be there all day. I've
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: got somewhere to go. This is a great way to
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: still practice showing up for yourself, advocating for yourself, setting
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: boundaries without completely cutting everything off because everybody's not there
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: right now, right So I want you to think about
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: what those options are so you don't abandon yourself this weekend. Okay,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: what else do I have on here? This was one
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: what I wrote. I said, how do I celebrate myself?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: She wouldn't be a mother without me. I love that one.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Celebrate yourself, right, celebrate yourself, make plans for yourself. Celebrate
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: yourself because you made her a mother. You made her
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: a mother for you, right, and celebrate the mother that
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: you are to yourself. I think that's the biggest thing.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: It's like, celebrate her in this reparenting process. It's hard
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: being a mother in real life, and it's hard being
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: a mother to yourself in the reparenting process. Celebrate her
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: this It's okay for you to redefine what.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: This day means for you.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: It's okay for you to redefine what it means for
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you this again, this really is all about the autonomy process.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: It is really about changing your self perception, right. And
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: you want to perceive yourself as someone who does.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Things that are good for you.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: You want to perceive yourself as someone who takes care
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: of you, who puts you first, who values your feelings,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: your emotions and how you're treated right.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: And the only way you can.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Really establish that self perception is with practice. And I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: keep saying I didn't have no work for y'all to
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: do this weekend, but I guess this is work still.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: But I think it's good work.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I want you to know this is not your fault,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and I don't want you to feel shame. Will tell
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: you that you're the only one. Like everybody has a
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: great mother except me, you know, even if you see
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: her having a good relationship with your siblings and it's
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: like why me. Don't get stuck in the why, okay,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: because it's not your fault and it's not about.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Why it's happening.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: It is about being there and supporting yourself and knowing
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: how it impacts you.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: And that's not only Mother's Day.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Like everything I'm talking about for Mother's Day, these are
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: things I want you to use all the time.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: These are not like one offs. This is the same.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about the same shit I talk about every week.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Everything I talk about in class, everything I talk about
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: in my clients, It's all the same, okay.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: And it is vital.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: That you stay on track with your own reparenting process
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: this week. It is vital that you find people that
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: you can be honest and vulnerable and tender with. It
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: is is crucial that you create a space where you
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: are the center of it and you are a priority.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: And that's all the time.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just reiterating these things because because it is Mother's Day,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: and it can be a really hard day for a
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: lot of women, a lot of men too, right, so
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I know I have.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Some men listeners.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: It can be hard for all of us, men and women.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: But it's not your fault. There's nothing that you need
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: to do. You are not on the outside, you are
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: not like well, everybody has a good relationship with their
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: mother except me, and I just want a good relationship
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: with my mother.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: And this reminds me of that.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: No relationship is more important than the one you have
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: with yourself, and after that, you just want to have
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: loving relationships. You want to be with people who you
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: can trust and can trust you right, who believe in you,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: who are there for you. It doesn't have to be her.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I feel so harsh when I say that
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: because I'm not trying to minimize the role of mother.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: And I definitely am not trying to minimize the role
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: of a healthy, loving mother, because me being a healthy
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: loving mother to my son is the number one job.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: It's the most important thing I will ever do in
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: this life. Right, But I don't want you to center
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: having a mother as the end all be all if
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: it's not healthy and loving. This job for me, being
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: a healthy and loving mother is important because I want
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: him to be able to pick out and see and
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: recognize other loving and supporting people in the world. Right,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I'm just here to set an example so when he
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: goes out in the world he can see that. It's
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: not for my own benefit. It's not so he can
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: say I'm the most important person in his life forever.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And it's so he can go out in the world
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: and find that in other people. I don't want to
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: be the only person that he loves. I don't want
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: to be the only person that loves him, right. I
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: want him to leave and individuate and break off and
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: become his own person. Not saying he won't have love
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: for me and love me. We have this close relationship,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: but that's not the point of it.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: So the point is that have a healthy, loving mother,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: not just somebody who is mother that we can create
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: a fantasy around. Because the fantasy does not serve you.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: The fantasy will keep you from healing. The fantasy is
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: your underdeveloped ego.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: It is the.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Child in you, right who thinks it that they can
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: control things. That if I'm good enough, if I say
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: this enough, if I pray hard enough, like she will
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: change because she is my source. She is my emotional source,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: she is my mental source. She is like she is
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: how I am able to perceive myself, which is through her.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: So I need her to be loving and kind and
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: gracious and patient and compassionate so I can know that
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I deserve it. And that is not true. Okay, you
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: have to be able to give that to yourself. And
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: the role of a healthy, loving mother is to give
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: that to yourself, give that to you so you could
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: keep building it. And that's why reparenting is so important,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: because that now becomes your job. You are your mother
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: right now. And I don't want to say that from
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: a space of like, and I say this all the time,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: like that's not second best, it's not second prize, it's
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: not oh well, okay, you know, like, well, you shouldn't
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: have to be that way. I disagree with that. I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: don't believe that, oh it should be the should have
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: a mother you should have There is no should you
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: have what you have right And as long as you're
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: living and should and shouldn't all over yourself, you're going
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: to keep yourself from healing, growing and becoming the version
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: of you that you know is there inside of you. Right,
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: You're losing power when you do that. So you just
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: have to know that you are the love of your life.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It's not her, it's not anybody. Even if you have
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: the best mother in the world, you still have to
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: be the one who is the love of your life,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: who is the source for you.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty much what I want to tell you
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: all today. I didn't, you know, usually it's kind of
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: a little more organized and well maybe not, I don't know,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: but anyway, I think you get the message. What do
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I tell you at the end of these episodes? Be
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: good to yourself, Be extra good to yourself this week.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: You are not responsible for how anybody feels. You're not
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: not responsible for making somebody think that they are loved
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: and they're great, and you have a duty and an
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: obligation to show up this Sunday. You have no duty
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: or obligation to do any of that. Your responsibility is
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: to you. That's who your responsibility is too, and to
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: the little girl inside of you. When you look at
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: it like that, it becomes very clear. Okay, I love
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you all, deeply, deeply, deeply and dearly Resolve doors are open.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to put a link in the show notes
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: and in the YouTube description so you can click there
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and sign up. Class starts May fifteenth. It's Thursday, six Thursdays,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: seven thirty pm Eastern.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Amazing time.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be It's gonna be a party, you know
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. If anybody who's been even know who,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: anybody listening, who's been, who's been in my student in
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Resolve knows, we laugh, we cry, we key key, we
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: love on each other and it's just such an amazing time.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: And we come away not the same, right, we come
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: away just so different. And I love that so so much. Right,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: So there's gonna be a link for that. I'm also
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: gonna put a link in there because I want to
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: do an episode where I'm just answering questions.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I don't think it'll be like a question equals a
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: whole episode, but it's like answering audience questions. So I
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: would like to do that. I think that would be
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: really cool. Right, It's like a little fireside chat situation.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: So there'll be a link there for like, you can
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: fill out what your question is and you don't have
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: to put like your email or your name. It's anonymous.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: It's just whatever your question is. And I'm just gonna
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: go through and answer and give my two cents. Right,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And it can be about healing your mother wound, it
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: can be about healing in general, growing, loving, parenting, all
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: the different things that we talk about, right, So just
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: ask whatever the question is. Okay, I'll see y'all next week.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: Be good to yourself.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Be extra extra extra good to yourself this week. Okay,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: don't play with me, and I'll see y'all later.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Bye.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Black Mother Wound podcast.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed today's episode and make sure you comment, subscribe,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: and rate the show. You can keep the conversation going
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: over on ig at Black mother Wound and click the
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: link in the show notes to download the free Mother
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Wound Healing God see you next week.