Latest / Wits & Weights | Strength & Fat Loss Over 40 / The Gym Won't Work Until You Fix THIS (Mitchell Osmond) | Ep 448

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The Gym Won't Work Until You Fix THIS (Mitchell Osmond) | Ep 448 · Wits & Weights | Strength & Fat Loss Over 40

• 0:00
  Philip Pape: Some of you are using the gym the way other people use alcohol.
• 0:04
  Philip Pape: I don't mean that as an insult.
• 0:05
  Philip Pape: I mean that as a pattern.
• 0:07
  Philip Pape: You walk in stressed, you grind through your session, you feel better for an hour, and nothing at home changes.
• 0:14
  Philip Pape: The stress is still there when you get back, and it's eating at your recovery.
• 0:18
  Philip Pape: My guest today is going to make the case that for some of you, the most productive thing you could do for your health and physique has nothing to do with your training.
• 0:28
  Philip Pape: Welcome to Wits and Weights, where in every episode we put a popular piece of fitness advice under the microscope, find the hidden reason it doesn't work, and give you the deceptively simple fix that does.
• 0:43
  Philip Pape: I'm your host, Philip Pape, and today we're discussing what happens when your training is solid, but your recovery environment is compromised by the stress that you're knocking not taking care of at home.
• 0:55
  Philip Pape: This is not the stress from work or from a lack of sleep, but more the chronic relationship and emotional stress that sits in the background and it quietly also affects things like your hormones, your sleep quality, your ability to build muscle and lose fat.
• 1:08
  Philip Pape: My guest today is Mitchell Osman, a leadership consultant, executive coach, and host of the Dad Nation podcast.
• 1:16
  Philip Pape: Go check that out.
• 1:16
  Philip Pape: Follow it right now.
• 1:17
  Philip Pape: Men and women are going to get a lot out of that show.
• 1:20
  Philip Pape: The Dad Nation podcast, Mitchell coaches career-driven men who might be performing well at work, but are struggling at home.
• 1:27
  Philip Pape: And he's observed a consistent pattern where training, your workouts, become one of these domains where men feel in control of it, but the stress that's actually limiting their results goes unexamined.
• 1:39
  Philip Pape: So in this episode, you'll learn when the gym becomes a form of avoidance instead of a tool for growth, for recovery, how chronic emotional stress creates the hormonal environment that blunts your training adaptations and what it actually takes to fix this stress at home so it no longer holds you back from your untapped physical potential.
• 1:58
  Philip Pape: Let's get to it.
• 1:58
  Philip Pape: Mitchell, welcome to the show.
• 2:00
  Mitchell Osmond: Philip, thanks for having me, man.
• 2:02
  Mitchell Osmond: And that was a great intro.
• 2:03
  Mitchell Osmond: Like yes, I'm I'm a podcaster myself.
• 2:06
  Mitchell Osmond: And man, I want to go back and listen to the episode.
• 2:08
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm uh everything you just said, I'm like, man, I can't wait to get into it.
• 2:11
  Mitchell Osmond: So thank you for having me on the show, man.
• 2:13
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm I'm really excited to be here today.
• 2:14
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, man.
• 2:15
  Mitchell Osmond: That's what it's all about.
• 2:16
  Philip Pape: We gotta we gotta lay it out for the listener, what they're gonna learn.
• 2:18
  Mitchell Osmond: And I love it.
• 2:19
  Philip Pape: You know, people listening to the show, right?
• 2:21
  Philip Pape: They a lot of them are into lifting.
• 2:22
  Philip Pape: Maybe they're not yet, and they're gonna get there the more they listen.
• 2:25
  Philip Pape: And they train, you know, three, four days a week.
• 2:27
  Philip Pape: They might be eating enough protein, sleeping seven hours, you know, but they're having some issues, right?
• 2:32
  Philip Pape: Maybe their body composition isn't changing.
• 2:34
  Philip Pape: They're feeling a little fluffy, they're not feeling their best self, they don't have the energy.
• 2:39
  Philip Pape: And I know when I dig into a lot of these issues, especially with men, it's not their job, it's the relationship or something at home or something that they don't want to bring up because it doesn't feel like a fitness problem or it's something that they're uh scared to talk about.
• 2:52
  Philip Pape: So tell us about that pattern.
• 2:53
  Philip Pape: Like, what do you see in your practice when you talk to men and women, predominantly you work with men in terms of how impactful home is?
• 3:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah.
• 3:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, that's a great question.
• 3:04
  Mitchell Osmond: And I think it's a good way to start off the show because I I think of it like spaghetti, you can't pull one noodle without affecting the others.
• 3:11
  Mitchell Osmond: You know what I mean?
• 3:11
  Mitchell Osmond: And when we talk about fitness, when we talk about marriage, when we talk about our emotional life, our work life, it's all connected.
• 3:17
  Mitchell Osmond: And so if we think that we can keep them separate, I believe that's a fallacy.
• 3:22
  Mitchell Osmond: And so they they affect one another highly.
• 3:25
  Mitchell Osmond: And so, and what I mean is if things are off at home and maybe you're having a fight with your wife or your husband, whatever, you're just not going to be in a great place emotionally.
• 3:35
  Mitchell Osmond: If you're not in a great place emotionally, you're not gonna be that motivated to go to the gym, right?
• 3:38
  Mitchell Osmond: And train.
• 3:39
  Mitchell Osmond: On the other side, if you're at the gym and you're working out and you're frustrated and overwhelmed with what's going on at home or whatever, your workouts might be lagging, right?
• 3:50
  Mitchell Osmond: You might be not fully focused in the gym, you're not motivated.
• 3:53
  Mitchell Osmond: Not to mention, which we could get into, you know, later on on the show if you want, but just the physical effects that stress and emotional distress has on your body, like physically.
• 4:03
  Mitchell Osmond: But I think the reason why it's so important is because it's all so connected.
• 4:08
  Mitchell Osmond: And every single one of my clients has their own custom nutrition plan and training plan because that's a part of the puzzle.
• 4:13
  Mitchell Osmond: It's a non-negotiable.
• 4:15
  Mitchell Osmond: If you're gonna work with me and talk about how to become a better man and husband and father, and to have a great marriage, then you have to be the best that you can be.
• 4:23
  Mitchell Osmond: How do you be the best that you can be?
• 4:24
  Mitchell Osmond: You be healthy, number one, because if you're sick and you're bedridden, you're not much good to your family, right?
• 4:30
  Mitchell Osmond: So your body is plan A for you to be a great father, great husband, you know, all those different things.
• 4:35
  Mitchell Osmond: And so we start with fitness.
• 4:38
  Mitchell Osmond: And people join my program, they're like, shouldn't we be talking about my marriage?
• 4:41
  Mitchell Osmond: Shouldn't we be talking about, you know, my temper?
• 4:43
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, yeah, we'll get there.
• 4:44
  Mitchell Osmond: But I mean, when you exercise, let's talk about the norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, neurochemicals that are released that help you deal with stress, that help you manage your emotions, think creatively, all those different things, right?
• 5:00
  Mitchell Osmond: So for me, it all begins with that because it's all so connected.
• 5:03
  Mitchell Osmond: Does that make sense?
• 5:04
  Philip Pape: It may it makes sense.
• 5:05
  Philip Pape: And the the light bulb that came into my head is how how bi-directional some of this stuff is, because your coaching isn't about fitness, but starts with fitness.
• 5:13
  Philip Pape: My coaching is about fitness, but often quickly goes into other directions as well.
• 5:17
  Philip Pape: So it's it's bi-directional, right?
• 5:18
  Philip Pape: Because you know, I can think of a client who has his own business and was doing at camp for like the last 20 years where he would go and dedicate himself to volunteering at this camp.
• 5:28
  Philip Pape: And between that and finances and like overhead for his business, all of that he could barely focus on his fitness, right?
• 5:35
  Philip Pape: Even though we wanted to and he knew what he wanted to do.
• 5:37
  Philip Pape: So it definitely goes both ways.
• 5:39
  Philip Pape: And I like that you start there.
• 5:40
  Philip Pape: But then also the problem is if you're doing the fitness stuff and it's not working and itself becomes a distraction, or maybe is there a way, Mitchell, that the fitness has to come down in priority while you address something else and then it kind of comes back to the top?
• 5:57
  Mitchell Osmond: Oh, I love that.
• 5:58
  Mitchell Osmond: I love that.
• 5:58
  Mitchell Osmond: And I'm really glad you asked that question because I get in trouble for saying this all the time, Philip.
• 6:04
  Mitchell Osmond: But here's the thing.
• 6:05
  Mitchell Osmond: If your goal or if your bar is too high and you're not setting your goal, lower it.
• 6:12
  Mitchell Osmond: Right?
• 6:13
  Mitchell Osmond: And a lot of people are like, What?
• 6:14
  Mitchell Osmond: Why should you lower your standards?
• 6:16
  Mitchell Osmond: Why should you lower your goals?
• 6:17
  Mitchell Osmond: Because a goal that you can't meet is not effective.
• 6:20
  Mitchell Osmond: And so you lower it until you can achieve it, right?
• 6:23
  Mitchell Osmond: Here's the thing: even when it comes to fitness, when it comes to relationships, conversations, ways of parenting, ways of being a husband, let's not set you up for failure by asking you to do something that's not sustainable.
• 6:36
  Mitchell Osmond: I'll say this all the time.
• 6:37
  Mitchell Osmond: If you can't do this for the rest of your life, we're not gonna do it for six weeks.
• 6:41
  Mitchell Osmond: Because what's the point?
• 6:42
  Mitchell Osmond: Are we intentionally setting habits that we're intentionally gonna break?
• 6:46
  Mitchell Osmond: No, we're trying to change our life.
• 6:48
  Mitchell Osmond: And so we're gonna do things that we can do for the rest of our lives, sustainable things.
• 6:52
  Mitchell Osmond: And so oftentimes, I mean, and I think it was Bill Gates who is accredited for to this, but he said he said most people overestimate what they can do in one year and they underestimate what they can do in 10.
• 7:03
  Mitchell Osmond: And it's like they hyper focus on this year.
• 7:05
  Mitchell Osmond: It's like this year, I'm gonna lose 60 pounds.
• 7:07
  Mitchell Osmond: This year I'm gonna make you know 500k.
• 7:10
  Mitchell Osmond: This year, it's like, dude, chill, man.
• 7:12
  Mitchell Osmond: Like, just what are you gonna do in five years?
• 7:15
  Mitchell Osmond: What can you accomplish in 10 years if you set realistic goals?
• 7:18
  Mitchell Osmond: Which brings me to my second exercise, which I would love, you know, for your listeners, write this down if you get a moment.
• 7:25
  Mitchell Osmond: And it's a little bit of a framework that you can use, and I call it the life report card.
• 7:28
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, the reason why this is effective is because, well, let me get into it.
• 7:33
  Mitchell Osmond: You think about like so for me, when I grew up, I would when I was five years old, I started kindergarten.
• 7:38
  Mitchell Osmond: One, two, three, four, five, all the way up through 12, and then you know, university.
• 7:42
  Mitchell Osmond: I grew up in a system.
• 7:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, you tell me, Philip, what was the goal when you were going to school, when you would do tests and assignments?
• 7:49
  Mitchell Osmond: What was the goal?
• 7:50
  Philip Pape: To get a good grade, to get a good grade is to get an A.
• 7:54
  Mitchell Osmond: And if you could get straight A's, you were winning, right?
• 7:56
  Mitchell Osmond: That was the for 18, 19, 20 years.
• 7:59
  Mitchell Osmond: And so what happens is we get out of school, we get out of college, we go to our job, and it's like, well, no, you have to be the best.
• 8:05
  Mitchell Osmond: If you want to get a promotion, you want to climb the ladder, you got to be the best.
• 8:08
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, great.
• 8:08
  Mitchell Osmond: What happens though is we take that attitude into our marriage, into our fatherhood, into our fitness, into our friendships.
• 8:16
  Mitchell Osmond: And it's like, no, no, we have to be straight-eyed in everything, or else we're a failure.
• 8:20
  Mitchell Osmond: And so what happens is we develop this all or nothing mindset.
• 8:23
  Mitchell Osmond: It's like, well, if I can't work out for uh 60 minutes today, I should just not work out at all, right?
• 8:29
  Mitchell Osmond: If we can't have, you know, I mean, you could talk about any any situation.
• 8:34
  Mitchell Osmond: What happens is we get frustrated, we get overwhelmed, we hold ourselves to this high standard that's maybe not even realistic.
• 8:41
  Mitchell Osmond: What happens though is we don't meet it, then we get discouraged, then we fall off the bandwagon, which reinforces this negative, self-limiting belief in the first place that yeah, you you were never gonna be able to do that anyways.
• 8:52
  Mitchell Osmond: And so we drive ourselves in a deeper rut.
• 8:54
  Mitchell Osmond: So the life report card exercise says, hey, in this season and in each season and in every season, you're gonna go through your life and give yourself a report card and you're gonna assign yourself grades.
• 9:06
  Mitchell Osmond: So, for example, before we had kids, I was getting an A plus in fitness.
• 9:10
  Mitchell Osmond: I could train six times a week.
• 9:12
  Mitchell Osmond: I was at the gym 90 minutes a session, sauna, massage, I was doing it all, man, living it up.
• 9:17
  Mitchell Osmond: No, two kids, you know, an entrepreneur, growing business.
• 9:21
  Mitchell Osmond: Maybe I'm not gonna be an A plus in fitness, and maybe that's okay, right?
• 9:25
  Mitchell Osmond: So it's situations where you might say, you know what, I'm gonna have to be a B.
• 9:30
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm gonna take a B in this in this season, or I might be a C.
• 9:34
  Mitchell Osmond: And dare I say, there might be things in your life that you might need to give an F.
• 9:38
  Mitchell Osmond: And you might need to be like, you know what, I'm done with this.
• 9:41
  Mitchell Osmond: This is no longer serving me, this toxic relationship, this, you know, whatever the situation is, this work commitment that's not really moving the needle for me.
• 9:50
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm actually just gonna say, I'm done with this, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna give myself an F and move on.
• 9:54
  Mitchell Osmond: That is such a life-giving exercise because it gives you permission, not just physically but psychologically, to say, hey, I don't have to be perfect.
• 10:04
  Mitchell Osmond: It's okay if my fitness is a B, because you know what?
• 10:06
  Mitchell Osmond: It's better than an F, right?
• 10:08
  Mitchell Osmond: Because six months ago I wasn't in the gym at all, right?
• 10:10
  Mitchell Osmond: So this idea of having grace and understanding what is sustainable for me in this season.
• 10:16
  Mitchell Osmond: So for there are times for me, you know, when our first son came, it was like, you know, in in these next in these six months, my boy is is A, and maybe maybe my my wife is an A minus for a season, right?
• 10:29
  Mitchell Osmond: I mean, she's always in the A for sure.
• 10:31
  Mitchell Osmond: But you know, you have to understand that and give yourself grace.
• 10:36
  Mitchell Osmond: Does that make sense?
• 10:37
  Mitchell Osmond: It makes total sense.
• 10:38
  Philip Pape: And it also, if you reframe it to the space that it gives you in those other areas, totally it's super powerful because then you're like, it can reduce that stress of saying, Oh man, I was putting so much into this.
• 10:49
  Philip Pape: I was putting 99% to get the extra 1%, but I could put in 60% and devote all that extra energy to the next thing on the list and lower the bar, like you said, like have that minimum achievable that helps you move forward.
• 11:02
  Philip Pape: And you mentioned a six-week time frame, which I like because that's generally what we see right in in the in the literature for habit formation and breaking some of the trigger habit connections and all that stuff.
• 11:12
  Philip Pape: So if you can't even do it for that long, it's not going to go beyond that.
• 11:15
  Philip Pape: And then the the last thing I like that you mentioned was the one year versus 10.
• 11:19
  Philip Pape: It reminds me of a different, a different thing I heard years ago where when you look back on your life, the last 10 years will always surprise you.
• 11:26
  Philip Pape: The amount of change that happened in the last 10 years, you'll never have predicted it.
• 11:29
  Philip Pape: And so this thought of like, don't rush it, don't try to accomplish everything in one year because at the end of the day, it's going to fall where it may, focus on the things right ahead of you.
• 11:38
  Philip Pape: So yeah, that's a great report card.
• 11:40
  Philip Pape: I'm sure you have like a more specific framework for that.
• 11:42
  Philip Pape: I don't know if we have a link or something we could throw in for people to like understand what those categories are, but we can do that.
• 11:47
  Philip Pape: So so that's that's the psychology behind it.
• 11:49
  Philip Pape: But I want to go dig one more one more level deep into when you're talking to, especially men, about these issues.
• 11:57
  Philip Pape: I think there's a phrase you use, normative male alexithemia.
• 12:01
  Mitchell Osmond: Alexithymia, yeah.
• 12:02
  Philip Pape: Alexithymia, so yeah, yeah.
• 12:03
  Philip Pape: And it's it's like men who can't talk or don't have the vocabulary for their emotions.
• 12:07
  Philip Pape: Like, how does that connect to these discussions?
• 12:10
  Philip Pape: And even if it's the self-talk, honestly, going through the rapport card, how does that connect with this?
• 12:15
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, I love it.
• 12:16
  Mitchell Osmond: You did your research, man.
• 12:17
  Mitchell Osmond: I love that.
• 12:18
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah.
• 12:20
  Mitchell Osmond: So, dude, the reason why I talk about that is, you know, I I only work with men, and and that's because I'm a man, but I understand men and men for the most part, and I know probably the women listening may not agree with this.
• 12:32
  Mitchell Osmond: Men for the most part are fairly simplistic creatures in the sense that we have two or three basic needs.
• 12:38
  Mitchell Osmond: We're all driven by the same desires, we all wrestle with very similar challenges.
• 12:43
  Mitchell Osmond: One of the biggest challenges that we struggle with is our emotions.
• 12:48
  Mitchell Osmond: Number one, our emotional intelligence, but also the communication of our emotions, right?
• 12:53
  Mitchell Osmond: And so you're talking about normative male alexothomia, which I'll unpack for you in a moment.
• 12:57
  Mitchell Osmond: But the reason why I talk about this and the reason why I think my work is so important is because in the US today, we know that 70% of all divorces are initiated by the women in the relationship.
• 13:08
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, now when you dig into the data, it the number jumps even more.
• 13:11
  Mitchell Osmond: So in situations where the wife is a high earner or has a high degree of education, that number jumps to 90% of divorces are initiated by women.
• 13:21
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, for men, that should be a huge eye-opener.
• 13:23
  Mitchell Osmond: But here's another crazy statistic.
• 13:26
  Mitchell Osmond: Of all those divorces that are initiated, approximately 79 to 80% of the time, the main reason cited for the divorce is not sex, is not money, is not abuse, is not cheating, like everyone thinks it is, it's emotional disconnection.
• 13:41
  Mitchell Osmond: My husband, like, I feel like I'm married a robot.
• 13:44
  Mitchell Osmond: He's not present, he doesn't connect with me emotionally.
• 13:47
  Mitchell Osmond: And so it's really important to understand that for men because that is the need.
• 13:53
  Mitchell Osmond: She doesn't need a bigger paycheck, she doesn't need, you know, a bigger company.
• 13:57
  Mitchell Osmond: She doesn't need you to have, I mean, she needs you to be healthy, but she doesn't need you to have a six-pack and you know, 7,000-inch biceps.
• 14:03
  Mitchell Osmond: What she wants is for you to show up and hold space for her emotionally.
• 14:07
  Mitchell Osmond: Now let's get back to that term you just mentioned.
• 14:10
  Mitchell Osmond: Um, because on the flip side, is women look at men and say, Well, what's wrong with you?
• 14:13
  Mitchell Osmond: Why can't you talk to me?
• 14:15
  Mitchell Osmond: Why can't you talk about your feelings?
• 14:16
  Mitchell Osmond: Why are you so closed up?
• 14:18
  Mitchell Osmond: So, normative male alexithymia, if you actually break down that that term from the Greek, it it means normative, which is pretty straightforward, but male alexithymia is a lexus thymos, which literally means to be without words for emotions.
• 14:36
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, so if you put it all together, it means it's normative, it's normal for a male to be without words for his emotions.
• 14:44
  Mitchell Osmond: This is a term psychologists have coined.
• 14:46
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, this is this is well known in the world of psychology that men universally wrestle, I mean, not all of them, but we wrestle with talking about our feelings and talking about our emotions.
• 14:57
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, why is that a problem?
• 14:58
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, if 80% of the divorces that happen are because they feel there a lack of emotional disconnection, it's probably important for us to understand that, right?
• 15:06
  Mitchell Osmond: And so what happens is men, they'll come home and then they the wife will maybe have a conversation about maybe she got a fight with a sister or the kids are driving her crazy or something going on at work, and men go to solving mode, they go to fix it mode, right?
• 15:20
  Mitchell Osmond: Because for the most part, men go to work and they get paid well to solve problems for eight, 10, 12 hours a day.
• 15:28
  Mitchell Osmond: And so they come home and it's like, well, this is I'm great at this.
• 15:31
  Mitchell Osmond: I do it all day.
• 15:31
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, here's a solution.
• 15:32
  Mitchell Osmond: And they start shoving strategies down their wife's throat, right?
• 15:35
  Mitchell Osmond: Treating them like an employee or a colleague, where she's like, I don't need you to fix this.
• 15:41
  Mitchell Osmond: I just want you to listen and say that I'm not crazy, right?
• 15:45
  Mitchell Osmond: But for a guy, I say this all the time, for a guy to listen to his partner and not offer a solution, it literally feels on the inside like we like me and you are like sitting in front of my house and it's up in flames, and I'm looking at you and I'm like, Phil, I could turn on the hose and and then I could put it out.
• 16:05
  Mitchell Osmond: And you're like, no, man, keep it off.
• 16:06
  Mitchell Osmond: We're just gonna watch it burn.
• 16:07
  Mitchell Osmond: That's literally when frustrating it is, right?
• 16:12
  Mitchell Osmond: And so it's important for us as men to understand that, but it's also important for women to understand that it's normal, that's part of the male expression.
• 16:21
  Mitchell Osmond: And so, what do we do?
• 16:22
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, we develop those skills, we have those conversations, and that's largely what I do with men is help increase their emotional intelligence, which then helps them connect with their wives on a far deeper emotional level, because men and women are wired opposite.
• 16:38
  Mitchell Osmond: We women need to be engaged emotionally to become physically engaged.
• 16:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Men, after they become physically engaged, then they can become emotional, like the pillow talk, you know, all that stuff.
• 16:50
  Mitchell Osmond: They can just open up about their feelings.
• 16:52
  Mitchell Osmond: So actually, we're wired completely different, right?
• 16:55
  Mitchell Osmond: It's important to understand that.
• 16:56
  Philip Pape: It is.
• 16:57
  Philip Pape: And as a husband of almost 20 years this year, actually, we it it, you know, I think about that and it creates a sense of, okay, we're talking about stress here.
• 17:09
  Philip Pape: When you're not resolving those issues, you as a man can can sense it.
• 17:12
  Philip Pape: Like, as much as we don't aren't given credit for having like that intuition, there is a level of you sense the energy, right?
• 17:18
  Philip Pape: You sense the energy with your spouse and in the house, and like things are are on this path you don't like, and all of a sudden things get closed, start to get closed off and the disconnection starts to go up.
• 17:28
  Philip Pape: You know, I've I've been through bouts of this in my marriage.
• 17:30
  Philip Pape: Fortunately, I'm at a place now where I it took a lot of hard knocks and years of like experimentation and and listening to to figure out a little bit of what you're talking about, which is you do have to talk through things and not try to fix everything.
• 17:42
  Philip Pape: But then for those men who are in that state right now listening, or women listening who feel their husbands are doing this, it creates a stewing brew inside you of like, you know, in the pit of your stomach, at least is my personal experience of you know there's there's there's something that's bothering you.
• 17:57
  Philip Pape: And then you think about it while you sleep, or it could keep you up.
• 18:00
  Philip Pape: You think about it at work and you're like, am I gonna address this and fix it?
• 18:03
  Philip Pape: And then it, of course, a lot of situations is no, and it leads to divorce, like you said.
• 18:07
  Philip Pape: So let's talk about that connection, how how it connects back to someone's like internal stressors, this unnamed emotional stress, and then how you know, because again, again, we want to connect it to the physical manifestations of that.
• 18:20
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, well, well, I think, you know, the drift happens.
• 18:24
  Mitchell Osmond: I like that you use that word, and that's what happens in marriage, right?
• 18:28
  Mitchell Osmond: And and when you don't, when you don't have those those communication skills, not only does it affect you, you know, relationally, but like you said, it you know, there's physical impacts as well.
• 18:38
  Mitchell Osmond: But let me bring it back to the relationship for a quick moment, because this this is going to be very simple, very practical for your listeners.
• 18:45
  Mitchell Osmond: Every every woman, for the most part, has three core needs, right?
• 18:50
  Mitchell Osmond: And and I've been in the space for a while, and I've never heard a woman disagree with me on it.
• 18:56
  Mitchell Osmond: Not to say that you know it's it's the ultimate truth, but for the most part, women have three needs.
• 19:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Number one, to feel seen, number two, to feel heard, number three is to feel safe.
• 19:08
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, there's actually multiple breakdowns of those three needs in different aspects.
• 19:13
  Mitchell Osmond: But if she feels seen, if she feels heard, if she feels safe, for example, safe, it can be broken down into four quadrants emotionally safe, relationally safe, like that you're not gonna step out on her, you know, whatever, um, financially safe, and physically safe, right?
• 19:30
  Mitchell Osmond: So, but you think about it if a woman doesn't feel safe with you or around you, she's not gonna be physically intimate with you, obviously, right?
• 19:38
  Mitchell Osmond: If she doesn't feel seen, if she doesn't feel heard, she's not gonna want to connect with you in any other way.
• 19:43
  Mitchell Osmond: Now that's a that's a woman's basic needs.
• 19:46
  Mitchell Osmond: A man's basic needs is for typically we have two the the need to feel respected and the need to feel competent.
• 19:53
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, so if you want to crush a man's spirit, make him feel incompetent, right?
• 19:58
  Mitchell Osmond: Challenge his competency, disrespect him.
• 20:01
  Mitchell Osmond: You want you wanna you want to break him down?
• 20:04
  Mitchell Osmond: And here's the crazy thing: I've done this before.
• 20:06
  Mitchell Osmond: You get into a room of 500 men, 1,000 men, whatever, and you ask these men, would you rather hear the words I love you or I respect you from your wife?
• 20:17
  Mitchell Osmond: Which one would you rather hear?
• 20:19
  Mitchell Osmond: And 95% of the room would be like, I respect you.
• 20:22
  Mitchell Osmond: They would rather know that their wife respects them, that they think they're the best husband, worker, career, you know, whatever provider in the world, than say, I love you.
• 20:31
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, why is this important?
• 20:33
  Mitchell Osmond: Because I say to women all the time, and it used to you, you know, women say I love you a lot, and that's great because that's a need that they're craving.
• 20:40
  Mitchell Osmond: But the most powerful thing you can say to your husband is, I believe in you.
• 20:45
  Mitchell Osmond: I think you can do anything.
• 20:47
  Mitchell Osmond: You're such an incredible leader.
• 20:49
  Mitchell Osmond: I see how you handle the kids, you're an incredible dad.
• 20:53
  Mitchell Osmond: That kind of language, man, a man can live on one of those compliments for six months.
• 20:58
  Mitchell Osmond: So let me bring it back.
• 21:00
  Mitchell Osmond: Here's how to come to the middle is having that conversation, having a husband say, Hey honey, what does it look like for me to help you or for me to make you feel seen, heard, and safe in our home and in this relationship?
• 21:16
  Mitchell Osmond: And for a woman to look at her husband and say, How have I disrespected you in the past?
• 21:21
  Mitchell Osmond: How have I made you feel incompetent in the past?
• 21:24
  Mitchell Osmond: What does it look like for me to respect you in your different roles?
• 21:27
  Mitchell Osmond: Or what does it look like for me to make you feel competent?
• 21:30
  Mitchell Osmond: Right.
• 21:31
  Mitchell Osmond: And if you can both genuinely have that posture, your marriage can transform like overnight if you are seeking to meet those needs.
• 21:41
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, what happens if we're not meeting those needs?
• 21:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, that's that's when the drift happens, right?
• 21:47
  Mitchell Osmond: And we go, you know, we sort of drift away because what happens when a man's need for respect or competence is not met, where does he go?
• 21:56
  Mitchell Osmond: He finds it in other places where he feels respect and competence.
• 21:59
  Mitchell Osmond: AKA work.
• 22:01
  Mitchell Osmond: Philip, I've had guys call me 10 o'clock at night on the phone and be like, I'm sitting in a dark office and I'd much rather sit here than go home because at least here I know what I'm doing.
• 22:13
  Mitchell Osmond: At least here my my colleagues appreciate me, my boss respects me, whatever.
• 22:17
  Mitchell Osmond: So what does he do?
• 22:18
  Mitchell Osmond: He digs into his work.
• 22:19
  Mitchell Osmond: What does the wife do or the woman do when she's not getting her need to feel loved and cherished?
• 22:25
  Mitchell Osmond: She finds it elsewhere in the children.
• 22:27
  Mitchell Osmond: And so that relationship, she gets those needs met that way.
• 22:30
  Mitchell Osmond: Then the husband plays, becomes the becomes second fiddle, you know, to the kids.
• 22:35
  Mitchell Osmond: So what happens is we spiral, we go away and away and away and away, and we drift and we drift and we drift, and we never have the conversation.
• 22:41
  Mitchell Osmond: And then that affects us physically as well, right?
• 22:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Not just to mention physical intimacy, but physically, like your stress levels increase, your your anxiety increases, potentially depression, you know, different things that come up.
• 22:54
  Mitchell Osmond: And we all know how those, I mean, I'm sure your listeners, I'm sure you've talked about how that affects you physically.
• 22:58
  Mitchell Osmond: Like when your cortisol spikes and how your body, you know, preserves fat, you know, your metabolism lowers fight or flight mode, your like conservation mode.
• 23:07
  Mitchell Osmond: You're not that's why your metabolism isn't skyrocketing when you're going through situations like that.
• 23:12
  Mitchell Osmond: So, and not to mention you're not going to be motivated to go go for a PR in the gym if like your personal life is a disaster, right?
• 23:20
  Mitchell Osmond: So I went on a ramble, but uh hopefully that will connect with your listeners.
• 23:24
  Philip Pape: No, it no, it all connects.
• 23:25
  Philip Pape: And you know, I'm not, I don't want to force like going down a specific route for this topic because I think everything you're talking about is super powerful and important anyway for the listener.
• 23:33
  Philip Pape: And if it ultimately can help resolve some things and unload some of that stress and make you feel more confident and respected as men and also help women understand their husband better because the ladies listening, it affects our relationship too, of course, and it affects their, you know, physical manifestation.
• 23:47
  Philip Pape: All of them are trying to work out as well and do all the things we talk about in this show.
• 23:51
  Philip Pape: What you know, if we then connect that to some of these escape mechanisms you mentioned, like work, is would you say is going to the gym also an escape for some guys?
• 24:01
  Mitchell Osmond: Absolutely.
• 24:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah.
• 24:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Because remember, when I go to the gym, especially if I'm in great shape and I know what I'm doing in the gym, and it's a bit of an ego boost when I go because I'm already kind of jacked and I feel great about myself when I'm there.
• 24:12
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, I'm gonna go to the gym because at least I know what I'm doing there.
• 24:15
  Mitchell Osmond: Right?
• 24:15
  Mitchell Osmond: People, I got buddies there, women, I catch women glancing at me there, right?
• 24:20
  Mitchell Osmond: Versus at home when I I come through the door, my wife doesn't even look up from her phone, right?
• 24:24
  Mitchell Osmond: Or or even a woman could do that too.
• 24:26
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, hey, I'm gonna put on a nice outfit, I'm gonna do my hair, go to the gym, you know, if these guys hitting on me, fits it fills that need, right?
• 24:34
  Mitchell Osmond: Versus coming home and and my husband's just scrolling on his phone all day or he's snapping at the kids or whatever.
• 24:39
  Mitchell Osmond: So why would I why would I spend my time here?
• 24:41
  Mitchell Osmond: Let me take the kids and go on a on a you know on a hike and you just stay home.
• 24:45
  Mitchell Osmond: You're you're you're grumpy anyways, you know?
• 24:47
  Mitchell Osmond: And so we call this the crazy cycle when we're not getting these needs met.
• 24:52
  Mitchell Osmond: Because when a man isn't doesn't feel competent, doesn't feel respected, he becomes unloving, right?
• 24:57
  Mitchell Osmond: And when a wife doesn't feel loved and cherished, she begins to say things or you know, may say things that might make him feel incompetent as a husband.
• 25:05
  Mitchell Osmond: And so that you get that caught in that cycle and it goes around and around.
• 25:08
  Mitchell Osmond: And so, yeah, the fitness piece can absolutely be a distraction.
• 25:13
  Mitchell Osmond: It can become an addiction.
• 25:14
  Mitchell Osmond: I've seen that as well.
• 25:15
  Mitchell Osmond: Where guys they're making a ton of money, they're in the best shape of the life, and the wife is about to walk out.
• 25:22
  Mitchell Osmond: She's literally packing her bags, and everyone thinks on the outside the dude's crushing it.
• 25:27
  Mitchell Osmond: He's got a six-pack, he's making, you know, six multiple six figures, but he does the but they don't see what's going on behind closed doors, right?
• 25:34
  Mitchell Osmond: So you gotta be careful because you can let that take priority over your marriage, you can let that take priority over your kids.
• 25:42
  Mitchell Osmond: So it's definitely a fine line because I would also say on the counter, you have to make space for each other to take care of yourselves.
• 25:48
  Mitchell Osmond: Like a husband to say, come, hey babe, I'm gonna grab the kids, you know, for an hour.
• 25:52
  Mitchell Osmond: Why don't you go grab a workout?
• 25:54
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, and or uh or a wife to say the same thing.
• 25:57
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm gonna take the kids this morning, why don't you head to the gym?
• 25:59
  Mitchell Osmond: I know that means a lot to you, right?
• 26:01
  Mitchell Osmond: So we got to make space for that for sure, but not let it get to the point where it becomes a an escape for sure.
• 26:08
  Philip Pape: Yeah, so a couple things came to mind when you talked about the supporting of each other.
• 26:14
  Philip Pape: What are your thoughts on two things that come to mind?
• 26:16
  Philip Pape: One is working out together, because I know that's that could be polarizing, that could be a that could be a not a great idea, depending.
• 26:23
  Philip Pape: And also going back to the men being competent and feeling respected and wanting to fix everything.
• 26:29
  Philip Pape: Some men get into trouble trying to coach their wives.
• 26:32
  Philip Pape: So kind of though those two topics are interesting.
• 26:38
  Mitchell Osmond: I get this question all the time.
• 26:39
  Mitchell Osmond: Because remember, no, listen, ladies, no disrespect.
• 26:42
  Mitchell Osmond: I only work with men, so I only hear from men for the most part.
• 26:44
  Mitchell Osmond: I see, how do I how do I get my wife to go to the gym?
• 26:47
  Mitchell Osmond: All right, how do I get my wife to eat better?
• 26:49
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, who, brother, please tell me you did not ask her that question.
• 26:53
  Mitchell Osmond: Please tell me you did not tell her to go to the gym.
• 26:56
  Mitchell Osmond: Here's how you do it you model it, all right?
• 26:59
  Mitchell Osmond: You be the example.
• 27:01
  Mitchell Osmond: Same thing with your kids.
• 27:03
  Mitchell Osmond: If you want your wife to exercise, you want her to become make that a part of her life, you you have to do that because you're leading the way.
• 27:09
  Mitchell Osmond: If you want your kids to follow, you want your kids to work out and go to the gym and be and and eat great, but you're crushing donuts and you're never hitting the gym, why would why in the world would they ever do that?
• 27:21
  Mitchell Osmond: They're gonna follow you.
• 27:23
  Mitchell Osmond: Um, you are their blueprint.
• 27:25
  Mitchell Osmond: And so for me, on that question of of you know working out and then women, men and all that stuff, I think the best way you can do that is to inspire them by how you live.
• 27:38
  Mitchell Osmond: And if you're a wife, your your best chance at inspiring your husband to do the same is is to do that, right?
• 27:44
  Mitchell Osmond: It's to exercise, to prioritize your health, get your kids involved, and he's gonna feel it pretty quickly, right?
• 27:51
  Mitchell Osmond: Um, it is it particularly works in the inverse, like when a husband, when a man takes starts to take his health seriously, the tone of the home totally changes.
• 28:00
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, to your to your other question, should people work out together?
• 28:05
  Mitchell Osmond: You know what, dude?
• 28:07
  Mitchell Osmond: To each their own, I would say, you know, me and my wife didn't for years.
• 28:12
  Mitchell Osmond: It was just not our thing.
• 28:13
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, hey, you and we didn't even go to the same gym, but if we did, we're like, hey, you uh you go to that side, I'm gonna go to this side.
• 28:19
  Mitchell Osmond: It's just like my personal thing for me.
• 28:21
  Mitchell Osmond: I go, I go there, it's like my sanctuary, you know.
• 28:25
  Mitchell Osmond: I get in my head, I'm thinking, I I don't want distractions, right?
• 28:30
  Mitchell Osmond: And she's the same way, she gets after it.
• 28:32
  Mitchell Osmond: And so for us, it didn't really work.
• 28:35
  Mitchell Osmond: Also, I just I was pretty insecure, so I felt like she was like critiquing my form.
• 28:40
  Mitchell Osmond: But once we had a kid, now we both value we both value fitness, but it's like we want to model this for our kids, and so we have a workout uh centered uh little thing down in the basement, a gym, and we train down there with our with our kid, and he he watches and mom's showing him how to do a little squad, and you know, I'm just you know whatever, doing a bench press, and he's sitting on my chest or whatever.
• 29:06
  Mitchell Osmond: And it's like we do it together because not only do we want him to see us together, we also want him to see us doing things we love together, but we also want him to see us actually lifting weights because we are going to be the model for him.
• 29:22
  Mitchell Osmond: So, you know, it depends on your motives, right?
• 29:25
  Mitchell Osmond: And it's been both for us in different seasons.
• 29:28
  Philip Pape: I think that's that's the best answer.
• 29:29
  Philip Pape: You honestly answered the parenting question in general.
• 29:33
  Philip Pape: I think you did an episode, it might have been as far back as 2024, and it was about fat loss and nutrition and everything.
• 29:39
  Philip Pape: And you had a segment in there about how do you get your kids to eat better, and it's like you have to model for your kids, but also that kids' connection with emotional eating, binge eating, and things like that come from the connections you make when they're young, like giving them a cookie for comfort and things like that.
• 29:53
  Philip Pape: And let me tell you, we h we homeschool our kids.
• 29:55
  Philip Pape: And again, you said to each his own, which is great.
• 29:57
  Philip Pape: Everybody has their different things that they can and want to do for their children.
• 30:01
  Philip Pape: And I will say, every little thing that I see my 12 and 14-year-old doing now, I could trace it back to something we did when they were one or three or five when I when I compare to say someone else's kids or different, you know, nature versus nurture, it's almost all nurture.
• 30:16
  Philip Pape: I mean, you know, we have two kids that have very different personalities that would have gone on very different tracks with different parenting.
• 30:21
  Philip Pape: I'm not trying to say I'm an amazing parent, but like what you say resonates with me.
• 30:24
  Philip Pape: And I hope anybody listening, this is not a parenting podcast, but man, if you want your kids to be fit and eating well and doing all the things and not have emotional eating issues when they get older and go on lots of diets and try to be skinny all the time and all those things, it starts when they're kids.
• 30:39
  Philip Pape: Okay.
• 30:39
  Philip Pape: Very powerful, man.
• 30:41
  Philip Pape: So modeling.
• 30:42
  Philip Pape: The thing about the wife and the husband working out also agree.
• 30:45
  Philip Pape: Like we have a gym, we work out separately.
• 30:48
  Philip Pape: Just because she wants to work out for 10 minutes, I want to work out for an hour and a half.
• 30:51
  Philip Pape: You know, like the kids, she wants to get out before me, and I don't want to get up that early, right?
• 30:55
  Philip Pape: But the kids are in there with us.
• 30:57
  Philip Pape: So when you're coaching clients, you mentioned that, you know, it starts with fitness.
• 31:02
  Philip Pape: Like, how do you unpack all this stuff in a very, I'll say kind of simple way for listeners now or listening saying, look, I don't have all this together right now.
• 31:10
  Philip Pape: Maybe my fitness isn't totally on point.
• 31:27
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, so when it comes to uh so when it comes to fitness species, are you asking for fitness specifically or like the whole thing?
• 31:35
  Mitchell Osmond: Good question.
• 31:36
  Mitchell Osmond: I don't know what I'm asking, man.
• 31:38
  Philip Pape: You know what I'm saying?
• 31:39
  Philip Pape: I'll answer for both.
• 31:40
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, I'll answer for both.
• 31:41
  Mitchell Osmond: So for the fitness piece, a lot of guys come in and they're like, okay, uh uh what what do you want me to do?
• 31:47
  Mitchell Osmond: You want me to go six times a week?
• 31:49
  Mitchell Osmond: You want me to train 90 minutes?
• 31:50
  Mitchell Osmond: You want me to eat chicken and broccoli and rice?
• 31:52
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, no, man.
• 31:53
  Mitchell Osmond: No.
• 31:54
  Mitchell Osmond: Maybe maybe let's just maybe let's just cut out potato chips.
• 31:59
  Mitchell Osmond: And they're like, what?
• 32:00
  Mitchell Osmond: What do you mean?
• 32:01
  Mitchell Osmond: Just that's it?
• 32:02
  Mitchell Osmond: Like, we're gonna add maybe two liters of water a day, and we're gonna cut out potato chips.
• 32:07
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, or like they'll be like, if if I'm training a local guy, they're like, okay, man, uh when do you want to meet to meet me at the gym?
• 32:14
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, I'll show up and and it'll be like they're they're ready to go, and we'll park in the parking lot.
• 32:20
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, amazing, dude.
• 32:21
  Mitchell Osmond: You made it.
• 32:22
  Mitchell Osmond: Here we are.
• 32:23
  Mitchell Osmond: Okay, let's jump back in a car, let's go home, I'll see you tomorrow.
• 32:27
  Mitchell Osmond: And they're like, what?
• 32:28
  Mitchell Osmond: We're not gonna work out.
• 32:29
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm like, no, we are going to form these behaviors and these behavioral patterns slowly and gradually.
• 32:36
  Mitchell Osmond: And then the next day we get to the parking lot, it's like, all right, let's go in.
• 32:40
  Mitchell Osmond: We could change, we'll do one or two exercises, we'll leave.
• 32:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Right?
• 32:44
  Mitchell Osmond: Because if I go and I take him to the gym and I just destroy this guy, you know, over 90 minutes, he walks out feeling crippled like he needs a wheelchair.
• 32:55
  Mitchell Osmond: What are the chances that he's gonna have a good association with fitness, right?
• 32:59
  Mitchell Osmond: So, what I'm trying to say is we go very simple and we change the behaviors, right?
• 33:06
  Mitchell Osmond: Because that's what this is about.
• 33:08
  Mitchell Osmond: You talk about emotional relationship, it was a learned behavior.
• 33:10
  Mitchell Osmond: My mom fed me chocolate chip cookies when I was bullied in in elementary school.
• 33:15
  Mitchell Osmond: I didn't realize this, but as a grown man, I was stuffing my face with chocolate chip cookies when I had a bad day at work.
• 33:21
  Mitchell Osmond: I had no idea why, right?
• 33:23
  Mitchell Osmond: And it was our good intentions, but it was a learned behavior.
• 33:26
  Mitchell Osmond: And so it could be something as simple as like, hey man, we're gonna cut out, we're gonna cut out, you know, soda, we're gonna cut out whatever.
• 33:33
  Mitchell Osmond: So it less of the taking things out and more of the adding things in, we're gonna add in protein, we're gonna add in 30 grams of protein every meal.
• 33:41
  Mitchell Osmond: That's it.
• 33:42
  Mitchell Osmond: I have a simple rule with food.
• 33:44
  Mitchell Osmond: If the these guys are like really rudimentary, I'm like, put three colors on your plate.
• 33:49
  Mitchell Osmond: That's it.
• 33:50
  Mitchell Osmond: Just make sure every time you eat, there's three colors.
• 33:52
  Mitchell Osmond: And if there is, then you're in the right direction.
• 33:56
  Mitchell Osmond: But if you look down and all you see is brown, chicken fingers, French fries, cornbread, whatever, there's a problem.
• 34:04
  Mitchell Osmond: But if you look down, you see orange carrots, green broccoli, red steak.
• 34:09
  Mitchell Osmond: All right, now we're in the right direction.
• 34:12
  Mitchell Osmond: So if you just eat three colors, that's a great place to get started, right?
• 34:18
  Mitchell Osmond: So I'm hoping you're seeing what I do what I take do is like a slow process and simple, sustainable changes.
• 34:25
  Mitchell Osmond: Then over time we start cutting out and but we make achievable goals.
• 34:29
  Mitchell Osmond: What do we do in the in the overall?
• 34:31
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, this is a really fun exercise that I do with my clients, which sounds a little bit morbid, but we actually start with a eulogy riding exercise.
• 34:41
  Mitchell Osmond: I don't know if you've ever heard of this before, but my transformation moment, dude, and we didn't talk about this, but uh when I hit my rock bottom moment, I got let go of a senior leadership position.
• 34:50
  Mitchell Osmond: Me and my wife got in a massive fight.
• 34:52
  Mitchell Osmond: I was out of work and I was coming home every day wondering is this the day that I'm gonna see the ring on the counter?
• 34:58
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, I was 60 pounds overweight, we were 100 grand in debt.
• 35:02
  Mitchell Osmond: I was medicating every day with alcohol and drugs to cope.
• 35:06
  Mitchell Osmond: My turning point came when I was asked to sing at a funeral.
• 35:10
  Mitchell Osmond: And it was the this philanthropist, there was a couple thousand people in the room, and the minister asked the question after he talked about all the things that this man had done.
• 35:19
  Mitchell Osmond: He said, Are you living a life worthy of imitation?
• 35:22
  Mitchell Osmond: And for me, he said, Would you be proud of the legacy that you left?
• 35:26
  Mitchell Osmond: And for me, as I grabbed my guitar and I was getting ready to sing the last song, staring at the casket of this man, I was faced with my mortality.
• 35:35
  Mitchell Osmond: If this were my funeral today, what would people say?
• 35:38
  Mitchell Osmond: Would they want to imitate my life?
• 35:40
  Mitchell Osmond: Would they be saying, Man, I want to have the marriage that Mitch had, I want to have the bank account Mitch had, I want to have the body Mitch had.
• 35:45
  Mitchell Osmond: No, at that point, they would have said, he died early, he had a tough life, and he and he died too soon before he had a chance to turn it around.
• 35:53
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, so for me, beginning with the end in mind, I mean, Stephen Covey talks about that, Napoleon Hill talks about that.
• 36:00
  Mitchell Osmond: So many thought leaders of our time say, you gotta know where you're going.
• 36:03
  Mitchell Osmond: And so what I do is I'll I'll have my clients write that eulogy exercise.
• 36:07
  Mitchell Osmond: If you're if your life were to end today, you're gonna you're gonna write this eulogy from the perspective of your wife and your kids.
• 36:15
  Mitchell Osmond: What would they say?
• 36:16
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, Philip was a blank man.
• 36:19
  Mitchell Osmond: He was, he did this, he cared about this, and would you be happy with what they said?
• 36:22
  Mitchell Osmond: Now, number two is you're gonna you're gonna dream about who what that what that life would like if you were 100% the man that you were called to be.
• 36:32
  Mitchell Osmond: What would she say about you at that point as she stood over your casket?
• 36:37
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, and then we we take those and we draw the comparison.
• 36:40
  Mitchell Osmond: We we because the gap between who you are and who you want to be, that's where your anxiety is, that's where your frustration is, that's where your tension is, because you're living short of your purpose, you're living short of your potential.
• 36:53
  Mitchell Osmond: And so what we do is find all the things in that gap and we take care of it and we create men, you know, to be the men that they know they could be.
• 37:02
  Philip Pape: Does that make sense?
• 37:03
  Philip Pape: Makes sense.
• 37:04
  Philip Pape: Begin with the end in mind, begin with the and then draw the comparison because that gap is where the anxiety lives between where you are now and your ultimate purpose and your potential.
• 37:14
  Philip Pape: I think that's super powerful, man.
• 37:15
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, you think about it, right?
• 37:16
  Mitchell Osmond: Like, I'm not happy in my marriage.
• 37:18
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, why?
• 37:19
  Mitchell Osmond: What was your expectation?
• 37:20
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, if my marriage looked like this, okay, that's the expectation.
• 37:23
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, here's where I am in my marriage.
• 37:25
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, that's your reality.
• 37:26
  Mitchell Osmond: Expectation versus reality.
• 37:28
  Mitchell Osmond: That's your your your marriage that doesn't look like what you wanted it to be.
• 37:31
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, let's fix that.
• 37:33
  Mitchell Osmond: If your body doesn't look like what expectation versus reality, there's the gap, right?
• 37:38
  Mitchell Osmond: So it's true, it translates in every aspect of your life.
• 37:41
  Philip Pape: And it's consistent with what you said before about looking out 10 years instead of just one, in that you're not going to solve all those and put all those behaviors in place tomorrow, but eventually you're going to express that identity, let's call it, with your behaviors by gradually building up to them.
• 37:56
  Philip Pape: And that's a sustainable way to do it.
• 37:57
  Philip Pape: We love sustainability here.
• 37:59
  Philip Pape: So, Mitchell, I know we're uh we're running out of time here.
• 38:01
  Philip Pape: I want to let folks find you and reach out to you.
• 38:04
  Philip Pape: Where can they look you up?
• 38:06
  Mitchell Osmond: Yeah, honestly, if you just Google the Dad Nation, you'll find me.
• 38:09
  Mitchell Osmond: My face is plastered around to the because of the podcast.
• 38:12
  Mitchell Osmond: But yeah, check out the show, the Dad Nation Podcast.
• 38:14
  Mitchell Osmond: You can check out my website, dadnationcode.com.
• 38:17
  Mitchell Osmond: But listen, I'd love to give your listeners a free gift if you're okay with that.
• 38:20
  Mitchell Osmond: Let's do it.
• 38:21
  Mitchell Osmond: What do we have for them?
• 38:22
  Mitchell Osmond: So we talked about this idea that men, you know, struggle to talk about their emotions.
• 38:26
  Mitchell Osmond: They struggle to connect with their wives on an emotional level.
• 38:29
  Mitchell Osmond: Excuse me.
• 38:30
  Mitchell Osmond: Well, I've created something called the connection code, and it's 50 questions that you can ask your wife that think that will spark the fun and get the fire back in your relationship.
• 38:39
  Mitchell Osmond: Because a lot of times as we go on date nights or we put down the kids, and it's like we ask the same boring, dead end questions.
• 38:45
  Mitchell Osmond: How was work?
• 38:46
  Mitchell Osmond: How are the kids?
• 38:47
  Mitchell Osmond: How'd you sleep?
• 38:48
  Mitchell Osmond: Blah, blah, blah.
• 38:49
  Mitchell Osmond: Right.
• 38:50
  Mitchell Osmond: And we wonder why conversation didn't go anywhere.
• 38:52
  Mitchell Osmond: And so 50 of these questions, these 50 questions, sorry, uh, are strategically designed to connect with your wife and to to draw her in on an emotional level to make her feel seen, heard, and safe.
• 39:06
  Mitchell Osmond: It's a free download.
• 39:07
  Mitchell Osmond: And I, dude, I've had people, I've had wives email me, be like, who was that man that took me out last night?
• 39:14
  Mitchell Osmond: Because he was asking me questions he hadn't asked me since we were dating 30 years ago.
• 39:17
  Mitchell Osmond: You know, so it doesn't matter.
• 39:19
  Mitchell Osmond: You can you can pull a few questions off the page and take her out, or maybe you want to put the kids down, pour up a glass of wine, and you know, as long as it's not above your caloric intake for that day, Philip.
• 39:29
  Mitchell Osmond: I got to say that.
• 39:30
  Mitchell Osmond: And pull a couple questions off the page and ask her.
• 39:34
  Mitchell Osmond: And I tell you, it'll have a tremendous impact.
• 39:36
  Philip Pape: The connection code.
• 39:37
  Philip Pape: I'm gonna get that myself.
• 39:38
  Philip Pape: I haven't gotten it yet, so I'm gonna download that myself.
• 39:40
  Philip Pape: I'm a husband, I want to check it out.
• 39:42
  Philip Pape: I love like table topics and those kinds of fun, fun games.
• 39:45
  Philip Pape: So it sounds like a great resource.
• 39:47
  Philip Pape: We're gonna share that in the show notes, as well as the Dad Nation podcast.
• 39:50
  Philip Pape: Definitely follow that, guys, dadnationco.com.
• 39:53
  Philip Pape: Mitchell, it's been a pleasure.
• 39:54
  Philip Pape: This is awesome.
• 39:55
  Philip Pape: Thank you for coming on Wits and Weights.
• 39:57
  Mitchell Osmond: Thank you, Philip.
• 39:58
  Mitchell Osmond: I'm so glad to be here.
• 39:59
  Mitchell Osmond: It's been a privilege and an honor, brother.