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The Myth of the Perfect Mom · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous. It's La La Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally, Laala, Hello, gorgeous,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the bonus episode of Untraditionally La La Amber
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: on my bonus today, Hey baby, Hello, how do you
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: manage to be such a great mother despite the ample
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: stress in your life? So this question came through and
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I felt like it deserved a moment as a bonus
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: because the number one thing that I feel people ask
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  Speaker 1: me all the time, whether it's me doing a panel
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: or doing a Q and A on socials, bumping into
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  Speaker 1: someone who's been watching the show for however many years,
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  Speaker 1: They're like, how do you find balance in your life?
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  Speaker 1: And I think because people follow on social media or
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: they watch you from such a distance right that it
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  Speaker 1: seems like it's so easy to find the balance of
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  Speaker 1: like work and being a mom and the stress that
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: comes with paying the bills and mom guilt. I don't.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I do not have it all together, and I do
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  Speaker 1: not have the answer, because there are pockets of time
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  Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, I'm crushing it. I have such
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  Speaker 1: a well balanced life right now, and then all of
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  Speaker 1: the sudden, something happens and I feel like my house
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  Speaker 1: is chaotic. I feel like I wasn't emotionally present with
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  Speaker 1: my children or mentally I feel like work has just
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: become an overload and I start to tweak out. Do
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you have those moments? Like does mom guilt exist in
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  Speaker 1: the world of having tween slash teen daughters who think,
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  Speaker 1: as you say, you're cringe and uncool.
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  Speaker 2: It's really hardened something that I'm trying to learn to
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  Speaker 2: balance and be gentle on myself because I literally can
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  Speaker 2: beat myself up. And there's people in my life that
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  Speaker 2: also make me feel really guilty for just trying to
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  Speaker 2: be able to raise teenage daughters and be present for them.
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  Speaker 2: But like when you go home, they really don't. They
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: just like want to do their own thing. But you
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  Speaker 2: just need to be in the room, like in your
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  Speaker 2: own room, just there when they need you. I think
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  Speaker 2: it's really difficult. But I I don't think that you
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  Speaker 2: could be a a super successful woman and be the
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  Speaker 2: best mom, the mom of the year, the mom who's
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  Speaker 2: making like, you know, the lunches, going to all the games,
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  Speaker 2: volunteering at the school, Like I just don't. We don't
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  Speaker 2: have it in us, Like, yes, we can multitask little
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  Speaker 2: things throughout the day. But what I'm learning in the
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  Speaker 2: last probably six to eight months of my life is
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  Speaker 2: right now my kids are I'm They're going to have
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  Speaker 2: to just be patient with me because I'm trying to
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  Speaker 2: do something in my life for the first time, and
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  Speaker 2: I you know, it's only going to benefit them. Doesn't
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  Speaker 2: mean I'm completely absent, but being a single mom, I
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: don't have a husband at home. That's that's picking up
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  Speaker 2: the ninety percent of the slack because I'm not.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: There right And I have heard in partnerships everyone talks
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: about like the one hundred percent, but it doesn't mean
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  Speaker 1: that it's like fifty to fifty all the time. There
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: are going to be times where your partner is only
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: capable of giving twenty percent and you have to pick
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  Speaker 1: up the slack and vice versa. But I'm in the
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: same boat as you where it's like I want to
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  Speaker 1: make I want to create something great, right, and I
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  Speaker 1: have a lot of things that I want to accomplish
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  Speaker 1: in this lifetime. Being a good mom is definitely on
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  Speaker 1: the top of my priority list. Obviously, my children are
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: very young. I have to stay present for them. I
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  Speaker 1: also have to make sure that I can afford to
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  Speaker 1: put them in school and feed them and keep them housed.
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  Speaker 1: LA is an expensive place. Everywhere is getting expensive. But
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  Speaker 1: there are those moments like I haven't been able to
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  Speaker 1: take Ocean to school consistently and I don't even know
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  Speaker 1: how long, Like Easton is single handedly saving the household
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  Speaker 1: on getting Ocean to school. My mom with the hip surgery,
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  Speaker 1: like she usually makes the lunch because it's just a
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  Speaker 1: lot of chaos. And I get what you mean by
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  Speaker 1: saying that the people around you, your kids are old
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  Speaker 1: enough to like understand, you know, I can't tell Ocean
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  Speaker 1: like you need to be patient with mom right now.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, But the level of like mom guilt that has
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  Speaker 1: presented itself, and I want to say, the past like
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  Speaker 1: maybe six to eight months is so wild to me.
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  Speaker 1: And my mom said to me the other day, and
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to cut this bitch for it, okay, because
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  Speaker 1: I was like just emotional, and I too get worried
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  Speaker 1: about what the future looks like and what it holds.
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  Speaker 1: And there are times where rejection really fucking gets to
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  Speaker 1: me and you replay at night every bad moments like
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  Speaker 1: Scott Dissick when he's like in keeping up with the Kardashians,
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  Speaker 1: They ask him something and he's like, oh, at night,
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  Speaker 1: I just replay every bad thing that's ever happened in
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  Speaker 1: my life. And I'm like, I'm so there with you,
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  Speaker 1: like every wrong move. And she said to me, because
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  Speaker 1: I've been very I've been very transparent that being a
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  Speaker 1: stay at home mom and just being a mom is
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  Speaker 1: not fulfilling to me, that like I need other things. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you know. And there are some people who are like me,
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  Speaker 1: and other people are like, oh, I live for being
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  Speaker 1: a stay at home mom. I have like four or
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  Speaker 1: five kids, and I love that.
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  Speaker 2: God ever, less of those women.
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  Speaker 1: Whatever floats your motherfucking boat for me, I need more.
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  Speaker 1: So I was telling my mom, I can't have my
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  Speaker 1: world consist of just work and being a mom. And
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  Speaker 1: she says, I'm I was just a mom while I
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  Speaker 1: had like a little job. But like I was just
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  Speaker 1: a mom, I said, you also had the love of
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  Speaker 1: your life who you had children with. You had friends
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  Speaker 1: who were in marriages that you would go out with,
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  Speaker 1: so that was your social cup. You will never understand
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  Speaker 1: the pressure, the guilt, the sadness, the loneliness, even when
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  Speaker 1: I'm even when I'm happy, those moments of thinking about
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  Speaker 1: the overall, you will never understand because you don't know
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  Speaker 1: what it's like to go through a custody battle over
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  Speaker 1: a seven month old baby at the age of thirty one,
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  Speaker 1: and then trying to decide what move you're going to make.
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  Speaker 1: Are you gonna cry? Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, keep going.
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  Speaker 1: It's emotional, right.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fucking hard. And I think about these I
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  Speaker 2: had a very similar conversation with my mom, and I
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  Speaker 2: also had a conversation with my little sister regarding a
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  Speaker 2: disagreement that I had with my older sister, and I said, autumn,
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  Speaker 2: she will never understand what it's fucking like to walk
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  Speaker 2: through life like I have. And guess what, I take
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  Speaker 2: responsibility for the mistakes that I've made, but I can't
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  Speaker 2: even put into words the pain, the agony, the fucking stress,
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  Speaker 2: the night sweats, the like, like just the way my
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  Speaker 2: like I, she will never understand, and I don't expect
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  Speaker 2: her to. So that's why, like when people start being
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  Speaker 2: passive aggressive with their comments or giving me shit or
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  Speaker 2: I get like that little like I just fucking like
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  Speaker 2: you feel like I already beat myself up so fucking
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  Speaker 2: much that like I can't, I don't can't take any
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  Speaker 2: more like I it just hurts. I'm trying to learn
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  Speaker 2: to be gentle and softer with myself when it comes
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  Speaker 2: to this. You from the outside looking in, and I've
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  Speaker 2: also been in the inside watching this whole dynamic. You're
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  Speaker 2: fucking crushing it.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: I mean you take moments like the moment that ocean
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  Speaker 2: woke up this morning and you hugged her. That's what
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  Speaker 2: she needs. She needs that, like that cup that mommy
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  Speaker 2: love cup filled up and now she's at school, she's
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  Speaker 2: having the best for life. Yeah, playing with her friends,
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  Speaker 2: like she was so excited to like get dressed and
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  Speaker 2: do her hair and put on her outfit. It's we
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  Speaker 2: we really need to give ourselves a little more race
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  Speaker 2: and say, like, mom, I'm doing the best I can. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: and that's okay. And if you don't, if you feel
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  Speaker 2: differently about it, like if it's my mom or my sister,
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  Speaker 2: if you feel differently like that is a you problem.
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  Speaker 2: That is you replaying your own experience as a mother
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  Speaker 2: or your experience with your mom growing up, like it's
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  Speaker 2: our stories are not going to be the same, no
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  Speaker 2: at all.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't want to have to explain that to
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  Speaker 1: someone because then you're placing me in a position where
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm pigeonholing myself into victim mode talking
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  Speaker 1: about all of the things that I've had to go
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  Speaker 1: through where it's like, but I'm navigating, I'm not, You're
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  Speaker 1: making You're forcing me to point out all of these
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  Speaker 1: things that are different about my life than your life.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, my mom went from her parents' house
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  Speaker 1: to getting married to my dad and moving into his house.
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  Speaker 1: She had Easton the whole time that she then sold
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  Speaker 1: our family home and moved into another home with Easton,
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  Speaker 1: and then she moved in with me, So she's never
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  Speaker 1: going to understand that feeling of being pushed out of
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  Speaker 1: what feels like being pushed out of an aircraft. And
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  Speaker 1: you just pray to God that whatever is on your
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  Speaker 1: back fucking comes out so that you land safely. Like
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  Speaker 1: the things that I do on a regular basis, even
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  Speaker 1: when I'm going through heartbreak, the toughest time of my life,
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  Speaker 1: the constant rejection, I'm like, I am out here trying
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  Speaker 1: to wear a many hat. I'm the mom, the dad,
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  Speaker 1: the wife, the husband, all the things. So if I'm
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  Speaker 1: slacking in a moment, I need you to like give
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  Speaker 1: me a little bit of grace because I'm already feeling
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  Speaker 1: it myself. And let me tell you, I don't think
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  Speaker 1: if there was a dad involved that he would sit
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  Speaker 1: there and be like, didn't make the kids lunch this
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  Speaker 1: morning because I had to get to work. I really
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: feel like the balance is off. The moms are like
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: out here ready to pull their hair out. And now
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: I've never related to the Milano the old Mulano cookie.
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  Speaker 1: Add More, when she's sitting in the bathroom, yeah, just
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: pretending to like maybe take a shit, I don't know,
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  Speaker 1: door locked. She's just like, I just need a minute.
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  Speaker 1: It reminds me of you and I in the closet.
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  Speaker 1: You walked into the closet, it was dark, and I
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  Speaker 1: was just like puffing away. She goes, what are you
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  Speaker 1: doing in here?
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  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, but those moments are the best.
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  Speaker 2: And then I just sat down and I said I
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  Speaker 2: don't puff, but can I have a puff? And you said, here,
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  Speaker 2: puff away.
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  Speaker 1: We both puff, puff, pass, and we said, you know,
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  Speaker 1: we're going to be okay in this dark closet. It
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  Speaker 1: was such a great moment, and then we started spiraling
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: in the greatest way. We're like all the things we
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: want to do. She was like, do you have a
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: permanent marker? I was like, is this weave that we've hit? Well,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: let me make sure that this is the start writing
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: it on the wall. I was like, permanent marker on
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: the floor. That way, I'll always see it. See, it'll
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: never be gone, I'll always be reminded. She just maybe
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: on the back of your door. We'll write it on
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: the back of your door in permanent marker. It was
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: like a tailspin. But that, my loves, is called being
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  Speaker 1: a fucking woman, and it's a lot. But no one
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  Speaker 1: closes like a woman.
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  Speaker 2: No right, no one.
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  Speaker 1: We went to an AA meeting last night, got dinner
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  Speaker 1: with our Solber sisters. I got home, I fucking did
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  Speaker 1: the dishes, I whipped up lunch, I put in the fridge,
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  Speaker 1: I got her snack, laid out, I got her clothes ready,
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  Speaker 1: and I was ready to roll this morning, six forty five.
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  Speaker 1: I'm up, ready for my fucking work out.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I know. So you know what, you're fucking winning. You're winning,
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Lala's winning everybody.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Unless you're here to tell me that I'm doing great, sweetie,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: unless you're here to Chris Jenner, my ass off, Shut
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: the fuck up.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, good, Oh god, thank god you're fucking back. Oh
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: my god, I thought I lost you for a second.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: So for my womanly sister who said, how do you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: manage to be such a great mother despite the ample
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: stress in your life, I'm in the same boat as
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: I'm doing the same thing that you're doing. Yeah, there
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: is no difference. Sometimes I lose, sometimes I win. But
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: guess what we survived the day. Yeah you had to laugh. Yeah.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Laughter and a good Cardi B song can always get
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: you through a hard moment.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Yes, her new album it dropped like a little bit ago.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: It is so good and it's called am I the Drama.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, I think.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Am I probably Probably.
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  Speaker 2: There's no manual. There is no fucking manual for anything.
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  Speaker 2: That is why women have been trying to figure this
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: out for centuries.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah for real though, and women trekking across the fucking plains, bonnets,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: full dresses, maybe a little heel baby on.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: The boob, I mean yeah, and that husband is coming
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: to like fuck her so they could keep procreating. So like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: if one baby dies, I'm hobe it works out.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Gotta go ride on my horse. Check the next location.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: By the way, yeah, I feel like you have the
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: easy job.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: My next life, maybe I'll come back as a dude.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: And then don't even get me started. When this spiral
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: happens and I go and you want to know what,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I would like a drink to take the edge off,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: but I can't right right now.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Try being fucking sober doing this shit. Okay, I'm crazy,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I admit it. I can't take it.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I'm crazy for all of my mother's doing it all,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: doing it all because no matter what situation you're in,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: stay at home mom, you're the bread winner. Doesn't matter.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: You are doing it all you are seeing or heard.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I feel for you. Ah wow, Wow that was like cathartic.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Is That's what this podcast is all about. Thank you
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Amber for being on my bonus episode. I love you
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: so much. Let's go slay the day for you guys.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I may be in a slight spiral, but you know what,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: what's great about hitting the bottom? There's nowhere to go
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: but up. Yep, so here we go. Let's take on
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: the day. I love you guys, Happy Monday. I will
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: catch you on Wednesday for a regular old episode. And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: remember an unlikely affair with myself and Amber Childers Airs
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: every Thursday night, nine pm, where you can catch it
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the next day. Love you bye,