Latest / The Road Doc Podcast / Culture, Heritage, and Family Identity

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Culture, Heritage, and Family Identity · The Road Doc Podcast

• 0:02
  We are taught to be proud of our culture, but what if the same
• 0:07
  culture doesn't give the space to become what we are about to
• 0:11
  become in the future, right? This episode isn't about blaming
• 0:22
  families or cultures or anything.
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  It's basically more about understanding the identity of
• 0:31
  it. Let's deep time into it, shall
• 0:34
  we? Hello everyone, good day from
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  wherever you are listening or watching this episode from I am
• 0:45
  Doctor Mukunda Rd. Doc, I am happy to be here with
• 0:51
  you all and discuss this topic called cultural heritage and
• 0:56
  family identity. And I would like to tell the
• 0:59
  core intent of this episode goes like this.
• 1:02
  How our culture and heritage shape our identity.
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  How our family identity can be both the foundation and
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  depression, the quite conflict between respecting our roots and
• 1:15
  choosing our own path, right? Basically, the unspoken question
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  beneath all these thing is, am I betraying my own family to
• 1:25
  become who I am? That's the whole intent of this
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  episode. And Yep, let's start and let's
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  begin, shall we? Let's talk about culture, the
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  invisible software that we all inherit naturally and come to
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  this world, right. Its kind of you know, culture is
• 1:58
  kind of default programming that you are went into it.
• 2:02
  It's like if you buy a phone like an iPhone, it has an
• 2:08
  inbuilt software basically. Let's just assume that's our
• 2:12
  culture. So if you are an iPhone, you
• 2:15
  have an iOS, if you are an Android, so on and so forth.
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  So let's just say you don't choose it, but yet you are born
• 2:25
  into it, so now you have to carry it because you are born in
• 2:29
  it. And also each cultures has
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  something called their own beliefs of success, obedience,
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  stability and what people think and so on and so forth.
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  Like how these cultures rewards conformity more of a time not
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  just athensity. So the cultures are powerful
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  yes, but it was designed for mostly for the survival not for
• 2:59
  self actualization is what I think.
• 3:03
  Because every culture that comes with has its own ups and downs.
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  But you can follow the upside of it no doubt.
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  But sometimes we blindly follow the downsides of it without even
• 3:15
  asking questions. Because every cultures were
• 3:17
  formed during certain period of time and then just came into
• 3:22
  existence in such a way that in today's world it might, may may
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  not be relevant at all. Sometimes, sometimes it doesn't
• 3:32
  make any sense. Something in your culture may
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  not make any sense anymore. Because see, every culture was
• 3:40
  formed during a certain period of time and there were always a
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  hidden messages that tells people to behave or to how to
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  move on forward in their own ways.
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  So that is why these cultures are important.
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  Yes, true. It is like a designated software
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  programming kind of a thing. You have it, but updates are
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  pretty much required because some things won't make any sense
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  anymore. Like I will give an example in
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  most cultures, like if you buy any vehicles and stuff, usually
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  I am seeing this which does not make any sense.
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  Before in the previous time they used to have Bullock carts and
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  horse carts etcetera. Basically, they use animals.
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  They used to use lemon as a before starting something, they
• 4:42
  use a lemon for the animals to stamp it at that point of time.
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  That makes sense because that has a good properties that can
• 4:53
  heal any bacteria or anything, bad bacteria or infections that
• 4:58
  that animal might have in their foot.
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  The citrus helps to fight against that and so on and so
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  forth That was there. But in today's world, the same
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  culture still follows. They use the lemon for rubber
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  tires. What?
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  It doesn't even make sense now because the intent was
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  different. That was a scientific analogy
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  that works at that point of time which makes a complete sense.
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  During that time you are using the same thing for a rubber
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  tires. Makes absolute no sense.
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  So this is just an example like that in every culture they have
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  certain thing, they blindly follow it, which I think
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  according to the change in technology, time and so on and
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  so forth, things need to upgrade.
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  That is what I am trying to say. Because if you use the lemon for
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  a rubber kind of a tires, it does not make any sense.
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  It does not do anything. You are just wasting a lemon
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  waste of lemon. It does not do anything.
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  So think, think like there are so many things like that.
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  And if you can deeply, deeply go into this, there are so many
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  things that made sense back in the time, but now they don't.
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  So think about that. What you are doing mindlessly
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  make no sense. That's all I want to tell here.
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  And let's move on to the heritage part.
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  In this part, we will have like the pride and pressure.
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  I know most people like it is our pride.
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  It is our yeah, true, true. But here comes the depth that no
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  one wants to explore like heritage in the sense we can
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  take it like a great stories, like people fought for
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  independence and so on and so forth.
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  They sacrifice their life and those are great parts.
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  During that point of time, it were very, very necessary.
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  But just because you are born in that family or anything, if you
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  want to do the same thing now, it doesn't make any such sense
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  to be honest. Like it's like, you know, silent
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  expectations that being dropped towards thing in the families
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  and like the families use emotional that kind of a thing.
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  And also like the important thing I have heard so far is
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  like especially these family, elderly family members, they use
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  it on the children and so on and so forth.
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  Like after all, we have done so much for you.
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  Like I said, everything comes with time.
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  Like during that point of time it was different, now it was
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  different and you use the same things to do this.
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  This. The pride literally turns out to
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  be the pressure for some people. And they are like romanticized
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  honoring sacrifice kind of equals to living someone's
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  unfinished life kind of a thing like, but I don't think,
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  especially when when we keep this in family dynamics, right.
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  If, for example, I give an example, if your parents were
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  not able to accomplish certain things in your life and those
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  parents wants to fulfill that through their kids, that can be
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  any educational labs, business labs, anything that can be.
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  And if they try to push that and that becomes instant pressure
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  for the person who is trying to carry because everyone in this
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  world is very unique and they have their own purpose in life
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  to achieve and move on and so on and so forth.
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  So not always this sacrificing thing is worth it.
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  Specially I don't believe that if someone wants to achieve
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  something, let them do that. Your children should not be
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  unfinished business so that you are experimenting whatever you
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  didn't had in your life. That is not so great thing that
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  becomes instant pressure for the persons that's carrying.
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  Unfortunately, that's my point there and I think most of the
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  people do go through all those things at many, many points of
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  time. I think it's high time for
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  people to understand that not everything means to be carried,
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  especially like I, I'll tell you one story around 2025,
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  September, May, I think, sorry, September or October kind of a
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  thing. I went to Goa right on the day
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  one. I missed my flight OK because I
• 10:35
  came on a train and that got delayed unfortunately.
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  And somehow I missed by one hour or so and I went there and
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  airlines were very kind and they gave me on the next flight
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  possible. But I thought OK, I'm already
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  tired of this so let me go tomorrow.
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  So on the next day I went to the airport and then flew by it.
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  But the problem was I had booked window seats and so on and so
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  forth so I missed it. So second flight was just an
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  upgrade kind of a thing and I don't get my preferred seat or
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  anything. So OK fine whatever.
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  But this is the thing, I got in flight and someone offered me a
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  window seat and I was very happy.
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  OK, great. And I met good people and they
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  invited me to go with them and so on and so forth.
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  It was wonderful. I was was happy like it was
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  random but very pleasurable. And while coming back from the
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  Goa, what happened was there were two people already occupied
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  my seats, right. This was all pre booked and
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  everything was window seats and so on.
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  South. Yeah.
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  They were like wife and husband in their early 70s or 60s or
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  something like that. So yeah, so I went there and I
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  did not ask for my window seat. I just sat at the aisle and I
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  was happy to give it to them because I got a free window seat
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  while going to over. So kindness written kind of a
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  thing. And then I came to know both of
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  them were actually retired doctors.
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  Basically they are in the field more than my age, twice my age.
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  So I have I we had like crazy discussions and in the
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  discussions we came to know that their boyfriend, husband by the
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  way and I came to know that they had only one child and they
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  didn't want their child to become a doctor because they
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  told me that we paid the price for being a doctor here and we
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  didn't had any of our time or anything so on and so forth.
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  With our kids we do not have that bond, even our kids do not
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  have that level of bond and we regret that a lot because we
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  focused on careers and so on and so forth.
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  So we decided at least let them have their own life and enjoy
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  their life. And so at very engage, they send
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  their kid to abroad and the kid was now settled happily after.
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  But the point is they did not put any pressure on the kid
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  because they understood the downsides of it and they do not
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  want the kid to go through it. How many parents are like that?
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  Very rare, isn't it? There was a damage, collateral
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  damage to yes, sure. But that level of understanding
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  at that point of time is very great for me, at least to me, it
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  was like awesome. And I was like, wow.
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  Because usually what you see is if your parents are doctors, you
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  are also supposed to be doctor. If parents are lawyers, you are
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  also supposed to become a lawyer and so on and so forth, so on
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  and so forth. Every profession.
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  Nothing wrong with it if your kid is very interested.
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  But just because you might have heard this famous saying, like
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  our entire generation of people who are so and so, so you have
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  to carry it even whether you like it or not.
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  This kind of analogy might not be an optimal thing during this
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  point of time anymore because things have changed a lot.
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  And those parents, the story I told you that the parents were
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  very thoughtful enough to give their child the freedom they
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  wanted and supported them in every phase of life as much as
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  they can and let the kid to fly. That was awesome, by the way,
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  because that's the chain they just broke.
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  And that was very, very good. And I hope more people,
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  especially parents and elderly people, have that sorts of
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  understanding with their own kids.
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  Then probably a wonderful thing. But unfortunately it's not
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  happening on a more frequent basis.
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  More of them were stick to what society will think, what will
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  other people think, what so and so people think, what will they
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  except? They will.
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  They will talk about everything except what your kid wants in
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  life and what your kid wants to become in life except these
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  parts. Everything matters and that
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  instantly becomes a pressure point for your care.
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  That's what I am trying to say. I hope you understood my point
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  and let's just move on to the next segment here.
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  Family identity. When love becomes control.
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  I think in every families there is something called
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  unintentional or its is a kind of what do you call probably not
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  spoken unspoken kind of a rule that they assign rules to
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  different gates. Mostly if you are two or three
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  gates, like on a secret level, there is always be 1 Golden Gate
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  and there is always be 1 not so Golden Gate.
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  I am the golden kid in my family anyways.
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  OK, so basically what they will do is they put all the pressure
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  in that golden kid and they will not put off that level of
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  anything on that kid because that's how they disparity exists
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  in every family. They expect, you know, emotional
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  returns on financial or like social investment that they
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  would love to tell people like Oh my kid is XYZ.
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  Oh my kid is like the moment you want to break this loop and have
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  your own life. You know how they gonna married
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  do this like guilt, shame, fear, loneliness and also like they
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  use all these things to control you basically.
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  I think that's very, very not great kind of analogy to be
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  start with. Yeah, I know most people have
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  been through this kind of stuff because I have talked with many,
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  many people around the globe and I have heard the same analogy in
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  different forms. So I don't think that's a good
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  keeping all the pressure on one kid just for your sake.
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  Like you want to tell to society that you achieved something or
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  you want to. It's a complete trash.
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  And moreover, this, this is the line.
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  It will hit your nerve. Most families love you deeply,
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  but bad, bad. Only the version of you that
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  exist in their story, that fits in their storyline.
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  That version of you. The moment you upgrade your
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  version of yourself, slowly you will start to see the other
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  parts of your own family members.
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  This is quite common, is not it? So you see, where is the
• 19:09
  problem? People needs to think because
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  see The thing is, your kids will evolve.
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  That's part of life. And whether you like it or not,
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  they will evolve beyond you. That's the whole point of being
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  here. If this the way you like it,
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  then guess what? That puts instant pressure on
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  that kids. So I don't think that's a great
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  thing anyways. So there you go.
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  Let's move the next segment. Redefining identity, creating
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  your own identity without erasing your roots can be
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  possible, but you have to distance yourself.
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  You have to be like, you have to make some tough choices.
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  Choices can be like this, for example.
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  I will give you a few. Choosing values over validation.
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  You don't need your parents or anyone's validation.
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  You just need to know you have certain values with yourself.
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  Whether they increase the turnover, still have to move
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  integrity over approval. Focus on more of an integral
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  person you are or you are becoming that integrity.
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  Having that such an integrity is more important than your own
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  parents approval and finally accepting the fact that you will
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  be misunderstood, you will not be fully approved.
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  And I am telling you guys that is completely OK.
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  OK, OK, OK. That's the part of you evolving
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  and making your own identity. That's completely fine.
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  Just because they say this on that doesn't mean anything
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  anymore because you have crossed certain level of threshold in
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  your life and due to that you are now once your own autonomy
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  and identity. That's nothing wrong.
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  Sometimes some parents were able to understand that at a deeper
• 21:22
  levels and they will support you, but some don't.
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  You don't need to fight or anything.
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  If they don't, they don't just move on.
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  That's what I am trying to tell in all this episode is like, you
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  can love your culture, you can respect your heritage and still
• 21:44
  choose a different life. Becoming yourself is not a
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  rebellion, it's more of an responsibility for your own
• 21:55
  self. I hope you understood this
• 22:05
  episode because it's kind of, you know, kind of a little bit
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  deeper. And I know it's kind of hurting
• 22:15
  to let go of certain certain things and see your own people
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  turning against you can hurt. But yeah, that's part of who you
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  are trying to become and what you want to become in life.
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  So it's kind of a like I said, it is going to hit enough for
• 22:39
  sure it does. So take your time, understand it
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  and we just no need to try wasting your time explaining
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  this because these are not solvable in one day or one
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  minute. This takes time.
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  I hope you all understood my point.
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  So that's all for now and I am Doctor Mukund.
• 23:03
  I will catch you up in the next one.