Latest / The IDEA SANDWICH Podcast / The Surprising Power of Saying No: How It Boosts Your Leadership
Transcript
- Ara Topouzian: Let's start with a confession. I'm not great at saying no. I like being helpful. I like being dependable. I like people to think if we ask Ara, he'll come through. And honestly, that's how a lot of us are wired, especially when it comes to business. We want to be seen as team players. We want to be connected. We don't want to be that person who turns things down. But leadership isn't about saying yes to everything. I'm Ara Tapuzian and this has been Idea Sandwich, small ideas with big leadership lessons. Leadership is knowing what deserves your energy and what distracts from it. Here's the catch. Every time you say yes to something we shouldn't, we say no to something we actually need. Think about it. You say yes to a meeting that could have been simply an email. We know that happens all the time, right? And you say no to the hour you needed to focus. You say yes to volunteering for one more committee. and you say no to the time you could have spent with your family. You say yes to grabbing coffee with someone who just wants to pick your brain. How many times have we heard that? And you say no to your own mental recharge. We tell ourselves we're being nice, but really, we're just overbooking our lives out of fear. Fear that if we say no, people will stop asking, and eventually, we worry about not being wanted. and fear-driven decisions rarely produce strong leadership. There used to be this unspoken rule in the business world that everything is transactional. One hand washes the other. If you help me now, I'll help you later. You show up for my event, I'll show up for yours. You join my committee, I'll join your initiative. And while reciprocity can be healthy, it can also become this quiet pressure to constantly saying yes. A few years ago, someone I respected asked me to co-chair a big project. It sounded impressive, great networking, lots of visibility, but deep down I knew I didn't have the time. Still, I said yes, because I didn't want to look uncooperative. And honestly, part of me worried it might be a missed opportunity if I turned it down. Six months later, I was burned out. It wasn't even a project I truly wanted to be connected to. and I was falling behind in other priorities. I secretly resented the entire thing. And guess what? When the event was done, the other person barely noticed my effort. That was a turning point for me. I realized saying yes out of guilt isn't generosity, it's self-sabotage. I also realized something important. Exhausted leaders don't lead well. When your calendar controls you, your priorities eventually disappear. We treat no like it's a door slam, but it's not. It's a decision. You can decline without disconnecting. In fact, some of the strongest leaders I know are the clearest with boundaries. Their yes means something because they don't hand it out automatically. Here are a few ways to say no in a respectful way without sounding like a complete jerk. There's the appreciative no. Thank you for thinking of me. I'm honored, but I can't take this on right now. There's the prioritizing no. I'm focusing on a few key projects right now, and I wouldn't be able to give this the attention it deserves. There's the redirect. I can't help with that, but I know someone who might be a great fit. That one is probably my favorite because you still signal that you want to be helpful and maybe someone else really is a better fit. Now I've used all of these at different times and I'll be honest, it takes some practice. The first ones felt a little bit awkward. I worried I was sounding selfish, but the truth is people usually appreciate that type of honesty. So when should you say no? Here's a little mental checklist I've developed. Does it align with your goals right now? If it doesn't move you forward professionally, creatively, or personally, maybe it's not worth it. leaders who lack focus eventually become reactive instead of intentional. Will you resent it later? If you already feel dread, While saying yes, that's a big red flag. Would you say yes if it were tomorrow? Not in theory, not quote unquote someday, but tomorrow. If the answer is no, don't commit. Does it honor your current bandwidth? You can't pour from an empty cup. Your team, your family, and your mission don't need an exhausted version of you. They need a present one. I've had to use this checklist a lot lately. Between running an organization, recording podcasts, performing music, and trying to have a personal life, I've learned that no isn't negative, it's actually necessary. Let's step outside the office for a second, because this skill shows up in our personal lives too. Ever been invited to a weekend thing that you just didn't want to go to? a friend's friend's barbecue, a volunteer gig, a family obligation that drains you. We still go because we don't want to disappoint anyone. But saying no personally is just as important as professionally. Here's a little trick. Replace guilt with gratitude. Instead of thinking I'm letting them down, think I'm grateful that they thought of me and I'm grateful I know my limits. It changes the tone completely. And you can still show care. You could send a note, make a donation, plan another time. You're not rejecting them. You're just respecting yourself. Here's the big payoff. Every no opens the door to a better yes. When you stop saying yes to everything, you create space for things that actually light you up. Maybe that's time to brainstorm for the next big idea. Maybe it's space for your team to breathe, or maybe it's just an uninterrupted evening with your family. live a world that worships ⁓ busy, busy isn't the same as productive. ⁓ Busy just ⁓ loud. leaders understand that motion and progress are not the same thing. Saying no gives you clarity, and clarity is where your best ideas live. saying no respectfully is a skill, not a personality trait. you can learn it, practice it, and get better at it. Here's a fun exercise. Next time you're asked to do something, pause before you answer. ⁓ Literally pause. a breath and ask yourself, do I actually want or need to do this? ⁓ If the answer isn't an immediate yes, give yourself permission to think about it. You can always say, let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you. That phrase alone has saved me countless hours and headaches. And if you decide it's not right, send your polite no. You'll be amazed how freeing it feels. And when people see you respecting your time, something interesting happens. They start respecting it too. So here's a takeaway. Saying no doesn't mean you're unkind. It means you're clear. And clear is one of the most underrated leadership skills there is. It doesn't close doors. It keeps you from walking into the wrong ones. it doesn't break relationships. It strengthens the ones built on mutual respect because leadership isn't measured by how many things you agree to do. It's measured by whether your time, energy, and attention are aligned with what matters most. The people who make the greatest impact usually aren't the busiest people in the room. They're the clearest. They're clear about priorities, clear about boundaries, clear about where they can contribute best. And sometimes the most powerful leadership word you can say is no.