Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP. 32: Mindset Mastery with TJ Fry: Reprogramming the Unconscious Mind

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EP. 32: Mindset Mastery with TJ Fry: Reprogramming the Unconscious Mind · Ambitious Podcast

0:08
Hey you and welcome back to Ambitious.
0:10
So today we are diving in with a guest episode about a topic that
0:16
has been a massive learning for myself in the development and
0:21
the growth of my business. A little bit about today's
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guest. So I actually went to Montana to
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speak at an event, and the guest today is someone who also was
0:31
speaking at that same event specifically about the power of
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the subconscious or what he calls the unconscious mind.
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And in listening to all of the breakdown that he had of the
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impact of this on us as entrepreneurs, the way that this
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frames our decision making, our perspective, our emotional
0:48
responses, the outcomes we get in business and all of the
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pieces. It was so evident to me of how
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this really is the root of the solution that so many of us are
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looking for, which really is the perspective we have in our
1:01
business and how that shapes the problems that we see.
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And most importantly, the process or the pathway to
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solving those problems. And so when I heard him speak
1:10
and to teach everything that he's going to teach you today in
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Montana, it was an absolute shift for me.
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Because the thing that you guys know about me is that I am very
1:20
type A. I'm a strategy nerd.
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I like structure, I like systems.
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I like understanding the depth and the structure to things as
1:28
to why they're effective and why they work.
1:31
And one thing that I really appreciate about today's guest
1:33
is that they really break down in great detail, not just what
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you need to know, but most importantly, why this is
1:40
impactful for you. And also how did this come to
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be? What is the structure around it?
1:44
How do we take this and really tactically integrate it?
1:47
And today's episode is is a long one.
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I'm going to warn you, it's a long one, but Oh my gosh, this
1:53
is the longest episode I think I've ever done on Ambitious.
1:55
And it is worth every single moment because we just kept
1:59
going and going. And so much so that we will be
2:02
doing a Part 2 to today's episode because it was just that
2:06
juicy and that deep in the sense of the conversation and the
2:09
depth of where this conversation could continue to grow.
2:11
So all of that to be said, I want to introduce you to TJ Fry.
2:15
He's an absolute genius when it comes to mindset and the power
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of questions and really reprogramming our subconscious
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to be able to help us to achieve the things that we want to to do
2:26
within our life and within our business.
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So without further ado, let's get into today's episode.
2:30
TJ, welcome to Ambitious. Thank you for having me.
2:34
I'm excited to be here, Kate. Yeah, I'm excited to dive in.
2:36
And as a little like, I guess high level, obviously we kind of
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go through your intro in the one-on-one of your history, but
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talking about, you know, the subconscious and the
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unconscious, like how did you get into this work?
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Why is this something that's kind of the heart of what you
2:49
love and what you do? Yeah, So I'll, I'll just quick
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couple minute background. The best things in my life have
2:55
always happened to me when I was not looking for them and then I
2:59
was simultaneously open to things coming in.
3:02
And so for me the release of the releasing of attachment to how
3:07
something shows up specifically basically just opens the door
3:10
for me in a lot of different ways and helps me manifest
3:13
things that are are beneficial for me whether I'm aware of them
3:16
or not. So effectively, I mean, I've,
3:18
I've been very fortunate in my life.
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I've done a lot of different things.
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I was a semi professional skier and raced cars for a living for
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about 10 years, trained law enforcement and military and and
3:28
driving owned a number of businesses, contracting
3:30
companies. I have a painting company right
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now on top of doing the coaching and, and the client work, which
3:35
is, is pretty phenomenal. I focus on working with a lot of
3:38
entrepreneurs and people who are are already prepared to take
3:41
responsibility for their outlook in life or their outcomes in
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life. And so effectively the way I
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stumbled into doing what I'm doing now was I went to an event
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in Austin, TX and it was a business marketing event.
3:55
Business, maybe not even marketing, but just kind of a
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business event. And I knew that I needed to work
3:59
on some financial acumen and was kind of trying to figure out why
4:03
it was that I wasn't doing the things that I knew I needed to
4:07
do in my business to have it be more successful and to make more
4:10
money. And the commitment that I had
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before I went to this event was OK, I want the result first and
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foremost. I don't care what they tell me I
4:19
need to do. I'm going to do it because I
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want the result. And so when I got there very
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quickly found out that it was nothing that I anticipated.
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It was completely different. Yes, we talked about business
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and money and mindset and things, but what ended up
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happening was we, we dove into the unconscious mind NLP, which
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stands for Neuro linguistic programming and a number of
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different avenues, some including hypnosis.
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And so I basically just was like, all right, cool.
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This is outside of my wheelhouse, but I'm all in and I
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went all in and it has absolutely blown my mind.
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I ended up going through a lot more training and courses in
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NLP. I'm a certified NLP trainer at
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this point. It's something I'm very
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fascinated by and my whole life I have been very fascinated with
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the mind and the brain and how people think, how it works.
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Not to be confused with what people think, because I'm
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certainly not a mind reader. It's just, you know, it's very
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interesting to me figuring out neurological processes and how
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we arrive at decisions and beliefs and values, et cetera.
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So yeah, it was a total accident and I just fell in love with it
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and so far it's been wonderful and it's helped me in a lot of
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different ways in my life. I feel like that's a lot of
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entrepreneurs too, though. A lot of the ways that people
5:30
fall upon their business is like they never had a plan for it and
5:32
it kind of found them in a way. Yeah, they're like, okay, this
5:36
fits and I never had it as part of my vision, but here we are.
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NLP, I think there's a lot of people have a lot of mixed
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opinions about what it is or how it works or, you know, like kind
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of, I guess the definite. And so I know that you're
5:47
someone who's very you're very well educated and you have a lot
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of knowledge and a lot of things.
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And so I would love in your experience of going through all
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of it. And I know you're also a very
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critical thinker, so you don't just take things at face value
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and be like, here's the definition.
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And I guess I'll take that you really assess things for you in
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having your experience in NLP. Like what would you say if you
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were almost going to like, define or explain to somebody
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NLP is? Well, I think it's important to
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understand a real basic level of background in in where it came
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from. It was actually NLP was created
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in the 70s, Nineteen 70s, Bandler and Grinder, the two
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guys that that basically came up with it.
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And effectively what they were doing was they were trying to
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look at people who were very successful in whatever Ave. that
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may have been and studying the patterns and the behaviors of
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those highly successful individuals such that they could
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reproduce the results for themselves.
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And so basically NLP started as a study of patterns to be able
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to recognize behaviors and actions that lead to success or
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lead to specific outcomes. Very, very intelligent guys.
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And effectively what they ended up doing was they discovered
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that there's a common neurological process within the
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human mind that is largely misunderstood.
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I think a lot of ancient cultures understood that there
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are connections between the conscious and unconscious minds
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and being able to explore those and try to integrate the
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conscious and unconscious minds. Again, as it used to be when we
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were young children. But as we grow older, our
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society kind of tells us to spread those things apart,
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right? So there's things like
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imagination or, or what have you.
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And basically what we've done is we've kind of focused humanity
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on the conscious mind, which is very powerful.
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And don't get me wrong with the frontal lobe where we do our our
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rationale, where we do our logic, our critical thinking.
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It's a very important element of what makes us human beings that
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imposable films, but basically like it's this incredibly
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powerful element of who we are is our conscious mind.
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Unfortunately, because it is so unique and because it's kind of
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difficult to actually consciously think about one's
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unconscious mind, we've almost neglected our unconscious mind.
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And so my journey currently is delving more and more into my
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own unconscious mind and into the unconscious mind of other
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individuals and society at large to understand how people think
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and potentially where and how some of their decisions and
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things come up consistently for them.
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So basically the goal for me is to be able to integrate the
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conscious and unconscious minds, respect both of them,
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acknowledge both of them, and learn to communicate with both
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of them. Well, one of the things that I
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also wanted to echo because I think for me it was one of the
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interesting pieces that I heard you explain, which was I often
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heard people reference it as the conscious and the subconscious
8:38
mind. And a lot of the verbiage that
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you use, I may fall back into old patterns.
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So don't mind if you guys hear me interchanging those words
8:44
today, but you use unconscious versus subconscious.
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Why is that? Correct.
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So that's, that's by design. Now, quite frankly, the
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unconscious and subconscious minds are they, they
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realistically, they are interchangeable for all intents
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and purposes. However, linguistic being the
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middle word in NLP, I do believe that the language we use is very
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important. So a lot of people have heard
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about self talk and speaking, referring to yourself positively
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say things as if now. And, and a lot of entrepreneurs,
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I think kind of have this automatic like defense wall that
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comes up when we start talking about mindset or, or things of
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this nature. It seems a little woo woo.
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And so for me, the, the NLP element was grounded in science,
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grounded in study. And that's really what resonated
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with me because I grew up in a family.
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My father was a surgeon, so I grew up in a very scientific
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family. I'm also a man of God and I was
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raised Catholic and we're recovering Catholic at this
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point. And so to be able to combine my
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faith and to be able to combine my scientific belief, I do not
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subscribe to the notion that science and faith have to be
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separate. I think they're, they're both
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beautifully able to be combined in a beautiful manner.
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And so I choose to say unconscious.
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And here's why sub the presupposition of the word sub
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or the preface sub means that it's under or less than.
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And I would argue that our unconscious mind is actually
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significantly more powerful than our conscious mind.
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So if we think about just from a physical standpoint, our brains,
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right? So the frontal lobe of course,
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is, is that's where we live, that's our ego, our identity,
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who we are, all these different elements.
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However, it's very limited on the actual amount of data that
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it can process, because if you think about it like a computer
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chip, which is what a lot of people compare it to, compare
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our brains to, you're very limited in how much data you can
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process immediately. So the unconscious mind allows
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me to do all kinds of different things automatically and I don't
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have to think about it. And so the frontal lobe being
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the area where all these beautiful elements of our
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existence take place, where we exist, like where TJ lives is in
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the frontal lobe. However, there's a massive
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portion of my mind and, and physical brain, right?
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Hippocampus, the medulla oblongata, there's all kinds of
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different elements within the brain itself that exist to keep
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you functioning, to keep you alive and to keep you safe.
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And all these elements take place within the unconscious.
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So I have a question for you. And it's, it's a rhetorical 1,
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if you will, but for your listeners too, have you ever had
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to think about beating your heart?
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Probably not. Have you ever had to think about
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breathing? Like, yes, sometimes we can take
11:27
control of that and we can control our breathing, but
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overall, it's a automatic process.
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Things like digesting your food, right?
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Things like healing a paper cut or something like that, right?
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These are all things that take place automatically and yet
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they're still controlled by something.
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And so we know that those processes take place in the
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portions of our brain. When we look on, on a brain
11:50
scan, we can see that all of those processes take place in
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the back of our head. And so this is to me, this is
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where the unconscious mind lives.
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And so to be able to separate and have respect and honor for
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the unconscious mind and how powerful it really is.
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I think we all know that it's there.
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My way of showing my unconscious mind respect is to refer to it
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as the unconscious mind because I do want to provide a
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delineation between the conscious and unconscious.
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However, I want to maintain a level of respect by not saying
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that the unconscious mind is sub or less than the conscious mind.
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So that's, that's my choice and I find it a very powerful one to
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just acknowledge that it's it's a very powerful thing and and
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show it some respect as well. Well, I think the other thing
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with the unconscious mind is that I think a lot of the time
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it's associated in that bucket of kind of like the day-to-day
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operating system of like breathing like you're saying or
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like the things that basically become second nature of our
12:47
living every single day. But I think especially in the
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entrepreneurial space, a lot of the emphasis is on limiting
12:53
beliefs, on memories, on learning and something like is
12:56
it caught or was it taught and where all of that is stored.
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And so I'm curious if you're thinking about in the aspect of
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what an entrepreneur could tap into if they really understood
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the unconscious, what kind of things are happening in the
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unconscious mind that would be outside of like the day-to-day
13:14
operating system for us? Well, so it's an interesting
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question. I think to be able to understand
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what you can do with it, you first have to understand what it
13:25
is. And when I say it, of course,
13:26
I'm referring to the unconscious mind.
13:28
Effectively it is like you said, it's our operating system.
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That's a, that's a phenomenal way to look at it.
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It's the processes that take place in the background that
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don't require us to be able to have to rather think about
13:40
specific processes throughout the course of the day.
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And so it's a very powerful element because without it, we
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don't exist. We cease to live.
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I think that once we acknowledge that the unconscious mind is
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incredibly powerful and it does basically run our day-to-day
13:55
lives, whether we acknowledge it or not.
13:57
And that that conversation honestly can be rather
13:59
uncomfortable because then suddenly people think that, you
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know, we're kind of trained that like, oh, no, I, I'm thinking my
14:04
way through life. But really are you?
14:07
Because when you respond, like if someone says something to you
14:10
and it rubs you the wrong way or you get cut, cut, cut off in
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traffic, you know, and you have like an emotional reaction.
14:15
Well, what led you to that emotion?
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A lot of people just say, well, it's because that guy cut me off
14:20
in traffic or it's because of this.
14:21
Well, in truth, one of my favorite sayings that I use with
14:24
my clients where you point your fingers where you send your
14:26
power. So if you're pointing your
14:28
finger elsewhere, you're giving an external Lotus of control,
14:31
meaning that you're giving away your power to be able to take
14:34
control of your emotional state and your emotional reaction.
14:38
Our mind is so powerful that it does this process extremely
14:41
quickly, so we don't even notice it happening.
14:43
It's very similar if people have seen the movie Inception where
14:46
they discuss dreaming and how your brain creates and perceives
14:51
so well that we just exist right between the two.
14:54
Well, the truth is we're also doing that in day-to-day life.
14:57
And so because we're perceiving at the same rate that we're
15:00
actually creating things when we dream and when we walk around in
15:03
everyday life, something has to be taking care of those
15:06
processes. So for an entrepreneur, what can
15:10
be beneficial about understanding and building or
15:12
understanding the unconscious mind and building a relationship
15:14
with it? And sometimes it can be weird to
15:16
talk like that, but it is like I, I talk to my unconscious
15:19
mind. Oftentimes it's auditory
15:21
digitally and that like I'm doing it internally.
15:23
I'm not just walking around talking to myself.
15:25
Is that I totally? Acceptable if you decide that
15:28
you want to do it. I do auditory from time to time.
15:31
I definitely do. And I find it interesting that
15:33
like sometimes when people get into stressful situations, they
15:37
talk to themselves, right? So, and I would imagine most
15:40
people listening have been at a position in their life where
15:43
like my personal favorite, and this is because it's something
15:46
very near and dear to my heart because of things I deal with
15:49
when I have to go to the bathroom, like really, really
15:51
bad. Sometimes I'll start talking to
15:53
myself like, oh God, why are we doing this?
15:55
Like, why are you doing this for me?
15:56
And it's like, I'm talking to my body, right?
15:59
But in truth, like unconsciously, why am I saying,
16:02
why am I speaking to myself? I know consciously that it, you
16:06
know, it's kind of silly, but I'm speaking to my body as
16:09
though it's a separate entity and I'm speaking to my
16:12
unconscious as though it's a separate entity.
16:14
So it's really not like that's a pretty common thing when people
16:16
are frightened or scared or uncomfortable or whatever.
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And so I think most of us have had that experience at some
16:21
point. And so that's an
16:22
acknowledgement, albeit on a tacit level, that's a tacit
16:26
acknowledgement of the existence of the unconscious mind and the
16:29
importance of it as well. And so for entrepreneurs
16:32
specifically, we often find things like a lot of my clients
16:37
have struggled with things. Why can't I do the things I know
16:40
I need to do? I know that I need to send these
16:42
invoices or build a program or work on my funnel or whatever it
16:46
may be and I just don't do it. OK, well, I submit that the
16:52
presenting problem is never the problem, meaning that you
16:55
deciding to watch Netflix or go work on something else, right?
17:00
Not that everybody's just wasting time, but if you go work
17:03
on something else that's not your needle mover, well, what is
17:07
it unconsciously, what exists within your neurology that
17:09
continues to have you break that momentum over and over again?
17:14
Like why is this problem? Why does it continually happen
17:17
for you? And So what I do is I ask
17:20
questions. And so for an entrepreneur who
17:23
might be struggling with something like that, a very,
17:25
very simple way that they can address it is changing this
17:30
filter system that we have. I'll discuss that a bit in a
17:32
moment, but basically you can make slight tweaks to the knobs
17:36
of of your neurological processes and then create
17:40
different outcomes, different behaviors, which then affect the
17:43
world differently and provide you different results.
17:46
So in truth, it's understanding that the unconscious mind really
17:50
is in the driver's seat. Consciously we're in the
17:53
passenger seat and we can think about it and we can talk about
17:57
it. We can like, hey, look at the
17:58
cows going by like, oh, wow, these there's some really big
18:01
buildings. Like you can look around from
18:03
the passenger seat, right? Like anybody who's married has
18:06
probably had an argument in the car because the person in the
18:08
passenger seat feels like critical criticizing the driver
18:11
like this is a normal thing. But in truth, what ultimately is
18:15
happening is you're still not driving from the passenger seat.
18:19
So the idea here is basically to acknowledge, accept and embrace
18:25
that our unconscious mind is truly our driving force in our
18:30
everyday life. I think the thing that I'm
18:33
getting from it as well is the aspect of surrender to the fact
18:36
that it's not always something you can consciously solve.
18:40
Because. I'm going to be honest with you
18:42
guys. I had a conversation.
18:43
We had a fire pit when I was in Montana, and I was just sitting
18:46
hanging with TJ and he took me to church because he asked me a
18:51
series of questions that really, like truthfully unpacked for me
18:57
in probably about, I would say 10 or 15 minutes.
18:59
What I haven't really been able to get to the root of in therapy
19:04
and coaching. And I've been living this world
19:05
for years. And it was the power of
19:08
questions. And the framing of the power of
19:12
those questions was insane. The sense of the answers that
19:14
come up depending on the level of the question you ask.
19:17
And the other aspect, which was kind of shocking for me, which
19:20
was what I consciously believed every day and how I was living
19:25
versus when someone had an intentional goal of tapping into
19:28
the underlying beliefs of not what I was saying but what I
19:31
wasn't saying. That aspect for me was massive.
19:36
And you talked about the power of questions because obviously a
19:39
lot of what we talk about in coaching is don't tell, always
19:42
ask, but something I think which is a massive part of NLP.
19:46
And this is obviously what I had learned from you, which was like
19:49
the pathways of the brain and understanding that the questions
19:51
you ask basically help you to understand all the different
19:54
hallways that there are and go explore those to see like where
19:58
is the block and how can you rewrite those?
20:00
And so questions wise, if someone wants to understand what
20:07
kind of questions you're referencing.
20:09
What are those questions look like to help somebody to kind of
20:13
understand what it would look like to tap into it?
20:14
Because I'm sure for for an average person tapping into your
20:17
subconscious, people often assume with like psilocybin, you
20:21
know this, right? Like we don't think about the
20:24
aspect of tapping into it on a daily basis.
20:27
But I love something you mentioned earlier, even with the
20:28
breath, which I think is such a great analogy.
20:31
And an example of this is like your breath is something you
20:33
don't think about until you have the ability to tap into it to do
20:37
breath work in the in the aspect for like now it's shifted into
20:40
the conscious because I have an awareness of it.
20:44
And from that point I can move into the conscious to deal with
20:46
it. But there's also an aspect of
20:49
how you get it over that line to being aware of it and to being
20:52
conscious of it. Because even for me and our
20:54
conversation in getting some of the coaching from you, which was
20:57
a series of questions, it allowed me to have an awareness
21:01
that I couldn't Unsee after that conversation.
21:04
And so now, like whether probably intentional, but
21:07
whether intentional or not, that seed was now planted.
21:10
And now I can't go through my day-to-day life with the same
21:15
perspective that I had before the conversation.
21:17
And all of that came from the power of questions.
21:20
Like when you talk about kind of like navigating and rewriting
21:23
neural pathways and our understanding of, you know, our
21:26
experience and the way our our unconscious works, what does
21:29
that look like to kind of rewire that?
21:32
Well, so I'll use an example here with that I do with
21:36
basically every client that I have.
21:37
So as you mentioned, we had our fire pit evening and we're just
21:40
kind of sitting around talking. I have a fairly good
21:43
understanding at this point of how people think.
21:46
Obviously everybody is different, right?
21:48
And I want to be very clear that sometimes that statement,
21:51
sometimes that rubs people the wrong way.
21:52
I want to be very clear there's a major difference between how
21:56
people think and what people think.
21:58
I'm not a mind reader. I don't claim to be.
22:00
That's ridiculous. So it's all about understanding
22:04
how people reach conclusions. And so to, to be able to ask
22:08
those questions effectively, you basically need to understand how
22:12
we process information as people.
22:14
So what I'll do here real quick is I'll give you my, my favorite
22:18
4 questions. So these are based on my four
22:20
questions to Bedrock is what I call them.
22:22
And effectively is what that does.
22:24
It allows you to dig down to the deeper problem.
22:26
So as I mentioned a little bit ago, I believe that the
22:28
presenting problem is never the problem.
22:31
So if you come to me and you're a client and you say, you know
22:33
what, I just cannot break past the $100,000 a month mark in my
22:38
business. OK, well, I submit that that's
22:41
not actually the problem. I submit that there's something
22:44
much deeper than that, right? It's same, same story for the
22:48
person who maybe struggles to to do the things they know they
22:50
need to do. Now, I can't tell you what's
22:54
going on in your head, right? Like you, Kate, or you listener,
22:57
whoever it may be, I will never be able to tell you what's going
23:02
on within your neurology. I don't know what you're
23:04
thinking, right? So any coach that tells you like
23:06
this is this is what's going on. I think that's a mistake.
23:09
And, and I will say I have a major problem with a lot of talk
23:12
therapy. Now, I do think that therapy and
23:15
counseling and mental health is incredibly important.
23:17
And I'm very grateful that it's becoming, you know, much more
23:20
prevalent and less taboo to discuss and to take care of
23:23
oneself. However, I also have done enough
23:25
therapy and counseling in my life that completely ignores the
23:30
unconscious. Or it says it's the subconscious
23:33
and says like, well, subconsciously you're thinking
23:35
this or this might have happened to you when you were a child or
23:38
whatever. And that can all be valid, that
23:40
can all be legitimate. But a lot of times the
23:43
unconscious mind is effectively ignored or it's not even
23:47
discussed or understood before going into changing the
23:50
unconscious processes. So it's kind of like if I was
23:54
going to fix a car that had a carburetor on it, but I don't
23:58
have a carburetor and I don't know how it works and there's no
24:01
gas in the tank, I'm probably not going to be able to make any
24:05
effective changes. Now, maybe I can actually
24:07
accomplish what I want, but how am I going to know if it works
24:10
without putting fuel in it and without understanding the
24:12
system? So to me, it was always
24:14
important to say what's going on and understand as much as
24:17
possible what's happening such that I can effectively target
24:20
the actual problem. There's a wonderful saying in
24:24
the trades. It's a, it's a great metaphor
24:26
where basically you have a, let's say you, you need some
24:29
plumbing done in your house, right?
24:30
And the plumber shows up and he just walks over and goes, oh,
24:34
yeah, I see you got a little bit of leak.
24:35
I'm going to go over and I'm going to tap this thing one time
24:37
and then I'm going to send you a bill for $10,000.
24:40
And the clients like, what the hell, man?
24:42
All you did was tap that thing. And like the three other
24:45
plumbers I brought out couldn't figure it out.
24:47
Like, how come I have to pay you so much more than everybody
24:49
else? And his reaction would be, well,
24:53
what you're paying for is the knowledge of where to tap,
24:57
right? So no, you're not paying for my
24:59
physical expertise or my physical work, but you're paying
25:01
for me to get it done. So as, as coaches, I think we
25:03
all have heard that that metaphor many times.
25:06
And I do think that's very important.
25:07
So the reason I bring it up is this.
25:09
I want to share those four questions with your audience.
25:12
So hopefully that hopefully they can kind of resonate with them
25:15
and suddenly start asking some questions and maybe go, oh,
25:17
there's something to this. And then if you're all right
25:19
with it, Kate, what I'd like to do is delve into more specifics
25:22
on what the unconscious mind is and how it works.
25:25
Because I think understanding how you can change it is great.
25:27
But if you do that without understanding what it is and how
25:31
it works, you're not going to have as good of a result.
25:34
So first and foremost, the four questions to bedrock, meaning
25:38
the bedrock based problem. My my personal favorite one that
25:41
I use right off the bat, right. When did you decide that this
25:45
this is a great example. So somebody might say, you know
25:48
what? I just suck with numbers.
25:49
I'm not good with numbers. So I have to bring in an
25:51
accountant, a bookkeeper. Well, my question immediately to
25:54
that statement would be when did you decide that?
25:57
OK, now that's not the beautiful thing about that question is
26:00
it's not an accusatory statement.
26:02
It's not saying you are good with numbers.
26:05
You're just, you don't believe it.
26:06
It's not saying that yeah, you're right, you're bad with
26:09
numbers. It's just giving them the
26:11
opportunity to say, oh, man, I never realized I actually made
26:14
that decision at some point. When did I make that decision?
26:17
So it's actually an empowering statement.
26:18
There's a big difference between the two because an accusatory
26:21
statement raises the defensive walls and people don't want to
26:24
allow allow further conversation because it gets uncomfortable.
26:27
But when I ask that question, when did you decide that what
26:31
that allows them to do is actually take a position of
26:34
power and say, when did I decide that?
26:36
So suddenly it's actually giving you the ability as as a client
26:40
or even with yourself. These are great questions to ask
26:42
and say like, OK, when did I decide I'm bad with numbers?
26:46
I don't know what the answer is going to be, right.
26:47
So somebody might say like, well, when I was in, you know,
26:50
6th grade, I failed math and the teacher told me I was never
26:52
going to be, never going to be good at math or I like, I don't
26:54
know, like it doesn't, it doesn't really matter what the
26:57
answer is. It matters that it's truthful
27:01
and that the person listens to what comes up because in truth,
27:04
that will come from your unconscious mind.
27:06
You ask your unconscious mind and it will give you an answer.
27:08
That's what it's there for. When I asked that question,
27:11
people might take a second and go like, oh, I didn't make a
27:14
decision. And then I go like, well, what
27:15
if you did? When would that have taken
27:17
place? As soon as they actually go, Oh,
27:20
you know what happened when I was 13 and I was at a, I got the
27:24
score wrong at a basketball game and some friend made fun of me
27:27
and now I just feel like I'm bad with numbers.
27:29
OK, cool, great. Again, I don't care what the
27:31
answer is. My goal is to get someone to
27:33
answer at automatically. Now you're one step beneath the
27:38
the surface level, right? So suddenly you've gone, you
27:41
know what? I'm picking up the shovel and
27:42
I'm going to start doing some work.
27:44
So I love that question because it's very empowering.
27:46
So initially, like I said, when did you decide that?
27:51
Once that's established, which is usually fairly quick, another
27:55
question that comes up. There's the next two are what is
27:59
the purpose of that belief? What is the purpose of that
28:03
decision, right? Sometimes you can rephrase it.
28:06
You can say what's the higher purpose or what's the intention
28:09
is another good way to phrase that.
28:11
But effectively, what's the purpose and what's the intention
28:14
allow you to say, OK, so I made this decision and why did I make
28:20
this decision? So in NLP we never ask why
28:25
because unfortunately what ends up happening is people start to
28:28
consciously evaluate things. So we avoid why, which is why
28:32
instead of saying why did you make that decision, which is an
28:35
accusatory statement in a way, what we say is what's the
28:38
purpose of that decision? And then there's no walls that
28:41
come up and people can say, OK, you know what?
28:44
I did make that decision. What was the purpose?
28:45
Well, it was, you know, I decided I was bad at math
28:48
because I was embarrassed, and I wanted to protect myself from
28:50
being embarrassed again. OK, great.
28:53
Cool. But now you've dug down another
28:55
level. So we've avoided again the
28:57
accusatory statements. We've dug down another level.
28:59
All right. Well, you've decided that you
29:01
needed protection. What's the higher intention?
29:04
What is the higher purpose of that protection?
29:08
Was it, you know, safety, Is it love?
29:10
Is it? You know, who knows?
29:12
Right? But that further answer can then
29:14
bring you another level deep. And ultimately, once you go
29:19
through, there's usually like there's usually about four to
29:22
five layers that most people will go through.
29:24
Some people have a, you know, some real deep dramas or deep
29:26
decisions or, or limiting beliefs.
29:28
I mean, you start talking about past lives and all kinds of
29:30
wildness, man. Like it really gets crazy at
29:32
sometimes. But but in truth, like most
29:34
people go through a couple few layers and they get down to
29:37
something. And a really good indicator for,
29:39
for when you're getting close is when it feels uncomfortable,
29:43
you'll start feeling like this is, you know, why am I doing
29:45
this? That's your unconscious,
29:47
unconscious mind protecting you from discomfort.
29:49
And that's when it's important to push through.
29:51
My favorite question at the very end, you're, you're getting
29:55
somewhere and you know, you're almost there.
29:57
And then what I like to ask people is what could you
30:00
possibly believe about yourself such that you feel that you need
30:06
safety that was provided by the protection that was provided by
30:11
the decision that you were bad at math.
30:12
So it's it's a hierarchical process.
30:15
What could you possibly believe about yourself that you needed
30:18
safety? And maybe their answer would be
30:20
something like, well, I'm, I'm not safe.
30:22
I'm, I'm unsafe, I don't feel safe.
30:25
OK, great. Now we've reached that bedrock.
30:28
OK, so we've gone from I suck at math, I'm bad with numbers to I
30:34
feel unsafe. Now that's an incredibly
30:38
profound statement. And so often times these minor
30:42
quick conversations will allow people to get to a place that
30:46
they weren't even aware existed, let alone we're aware that they
30:49
could access with such ease. Because what I think we've been
30:52
led to believe, this is where I put my tinfoil hat on.
30:55
I think we've been led to believe by the pharmaceutical
30:59
industries, the insurance companies, the people within,
31:01
you know, even like therapists and counselors to a certain
31:03
degree. It's not like a conspiracy, but
31:06
if you spent ten years of your life going through trainings on
31:12
Carl Jung's work and traditional, you know, normal
31:15
modern day therapy, you now exist within a box.
31:19
And so because you've spent all this time and energy invested
31:22
into this box, you live in this box, and it's very uncomfortable
31:25
to break out of it. So when some clown with a funny
31:28
shirt and a cowboy hat shows up and says, hey, maybe it only
31:31
takes 15 to 20 minutes for you to actually reach your real
31:34
problem. Yeah, the people in that box
31:37
pushed back the hardest because they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
31:41
It took me 10 years. And then I got to spend months
31:43
of repeated sessions with these people.
31:45
And I come along and I just offer the Ioffer the idea like,
31:49
well, what if it could be easier and more immediate than you ever
31:53
dreamed possible? And we get down to that bedrock
31:56
and then there's tools to deal with it.
31:57
But again, it's very quick conversations and asking
32:00
yourself these questions can be, It's definitely doable.
32:04
It can be very beneficial. I find it's better to do it with
32:07
somebody that you have a good deep connection with.
32:10
Because when someone else is asking you questions and
32:13
especially when you know that person has your best interest at
32:16
heart, when they ask you questions, you can lie to them.
32:23
And in reality, you can never lie to yourself.
32:27
You can convince yourself of untruths.
32:29
However, your unconscious mind knows what's true, which is why
32:32
when we say things like, Oh, I haven't had time to go to the
32:34
gym, you might consciously believe that.
32:37
But in your unconscious mind, you're like, well, you had time
32:40
to sit and watch an episode of Game of Thrones.
32:43
So you know, there's, there's that.
32:44
Like you cannot lie to yourself unconsciously.
32:48
So the goal there is to have somebody challenge these,
32:51
challenge you with these questions and have you just be
32:53
open and honest. A really good metric for once
32:56
you've hit that bedrock is tears, because these are
32:59
oftentimes things that, and by the way, like man, woman,
33:02
doesn't matter because these are incredibly deep conversations.
33:06
And these are really uncomfortable truths that we
33:09
know to be true about ourselves. And they're very uncomfortable
33:12
to admit and to acknowledge. And doing so in front of someone
33:16
that we care about, that we know cares about us is very, very
33:19
uncomfortable. And that, that discomfort
33:22
oftentimes can be the catharsis and it can be the catalyst
33:26
rather to say, holy shit, I've known this, but I've never given
33:31
myself the time or the ability or the energy to actually
33:34
acknowledge it. And so it's, it's that first
33:37
step, if you will, you know the, the 12 steps, right?
33:41
It's the first like to you have to acknowledge you have a
33:42
problem before you can do anything about that problem.
33:46
Well, something I, that just came through for me that I'm
33:50
just like stewing on over here as you're saying this is like,
33:52
do you feel in the work that you've done with clients that
33:55
it's possible for someone to have that breakthrough without
33:59
the emotional quote UN quote breakdown?
34:03
And by that sense of like, you know, like when you know, like,
34:06
you know, you're getting at the root of things when you feel the
34:08
tears or when you feel something emotionally being activated,
34:12
which even for me, I'll be really honest with you guys,
34:14
when he asked me these questions, there was like
34:15
question three. I was like, OK, like I'm kind of
34:18
crawling in my skin over here. Like, let's keep this moving
34:21
because I could feel the emotions coming up and in asking
34:25
those questions, they started to get like more and more
34:28
reflective. Is the other thing that I'm
34:29
hearing you say of like there's the aspect of why?
34:32
And that was the two things that I'm spewing on are is emotion
34:36
necessary for the breakthrough? Is it necessary to feel the
34:40
emotion to have the breakthrough?
34:41
And would you potentially agree then that why is not ever really
34:47
an effective question to any problem or conflict or situation
34:53
that someones battling? Yeah.
34:56
So first of all, great question. So I'm going to answer your
34:59
second question 1st and then revisit the first one.
35:02
So your second question that why is never a good question to ask.
35:07
I completely agree. I mean, there's a big reason the
35:08
NLP specifically says we never ask why.
35:12
Now that said, there are very, very limited situations in which
35:16
I would ask someone why, but there's a purpose behind it.
35:20
And generally a good rule of thumb is just don't ask why,
35:25
because often times people aren't willing to actually or
35:28
able to actually be completely honest about what it is that's
35:31
taking place for them neurologically to be able to
35:33
tell you a real answer. So if I ask my wife who I love
35:37
dearly, why are you mad at me, right, about whatever it may be,
35:43
She could easily pick something. You didn't take the garbage out.
35:46
I've been changing Aspen too much.
35:48
You know, my daughter's name is Aspen.
35:50
Like, you know, if if you ask why you open this myriad of
35:54
possibilities that anybody, the person you've asked can just
35:58
pick and choose, if you keep the frame within them, then you give
36:04
them the ability to actually go deeper and hopefully get to that
36:07
real root of the issue, right. So if I again, if I asked my
36:10
wife, why are you upset with me? Maybe it is something like I
36:12
didn't vacuum or I forgot to take the trash out.
36:14
OK, sorry, I'm a human being. At the same time, if we spend a
36:18
little bit of time and I say, all right, what specifically is
36:22
bothering you? I notice I I'm it's not that
36:25
different of a question, but I'm phrasing it with what
36:28
specifically? Oh, well, you didn't do you
36:31
didn't take the garbage out. OK, how specifically does me not
36:35
taking the garbage out upset you?
36:39
Well, I just feel like I'm pulling more.
36:42
This is not an actual argument we've had if I'm picking it up.
36:45
But point being, like she might say, finally.
36:49
Getting acknowledged? Yeah, she might listen this
36:51
later, but she basically she might choose something and say,
36:55
say something along the lines of like, well, I, I don't feel
36:57
supported when you when you don't do the things that you
37:00
said you were going to do. You told me to take the trash
37:02
out, You didn't. And I don't feel supported when
37:04
you when you don't follow through.
37:06
OK, great. That's way deeper and much more
37:11
foundational and will have a much larger impact on our
37:15
day-to-day lives. When my wife tells me that she
37:17
doesn't feel supported when I do something, then just that she's
37:22
upset that I didn't do that thing.
37:24
So again, I avoid why and I try to keep the Lotus of control
37:27
internal to the person that I'm speaking with.
37:29
And that becomes really important and really empowering
37:31
because it focuses the direction of the conversation.
37:35
So that's a roundabout way to answer your second question,
37:37
which is why. Why is not necessarily a great
37:39
the reason? I wanted to also ask that is I
37:41
even find for myself and with clients when they will
37:44
experience a moment of like. I just don't understand why
37:48
sales feel so hard. I just don't understand like why
37:52
I seem so emotional about X. It's always just the face of
37:55
like something is wrong is usually the assessment
37:59
automatically out the gate. And with that, it's very in
38:03
hearing it back now, even from you, extremely analytical and
38:06
less reflective. I think that's the biggest
38:09
distinction that I'm hearing, which is like 1 is very like
38:11
mystical analytical thought, which really, frankly is quite
38:15
playing in the conscious when you think of it.
38:17
And reflective, it's not really going any layers.
38:20
It's just kind of circling the problem when you're analytical.
38:23
Whereas really, based on what you're saying, reflective is
38:25
like peeling it back like an onion to go deeper, deeper,
38:27
deeper instead of just originating around the ground.
38:30
Absolutely. So a great example of this is
38:33
that question that you just used.
38:34
Why are sales so hard? OK.
38:36
Now immediately we talked about the four questions a minute ago,
38:39
right? The first thing I would ask is
38:40
when did you decide that sales were hard?
38:43
Because immediately like, OK, now we're digging down.
38:45
Now we're actually going to make some progress real quick, right?
38:47
So that's that's a common thing that I would do just to like
38:49
into pattern interrupt and be like, all right, no, we're done
38:52
with that conversation. Like let's figure out where
38:54
we're going from here to readdress the question of why.
38:57
Why provides this just endless sphere of creativity in answers?
39:05
People, the truth is people want an answer.
39:08
And often times the answer is not something that they're
39:10
comfortable with or there may not be a specific answer.
39:13
And so when you say why you're not guiding the conversation,
39:17
you're basically turning someone loose.
39:19
You're turning a 10 year old boy loose with a firecracker and a
39:22
lighter and going like, cool, go, go give me something.
39:25
And So what you want to do is you want to say like, all right,
39:28
here's what you're going to do, 10 year old son, I want you to
39:32
take this firecracker, put it in the driveway, go light the fuse
39:35
and then run away as fast as you can.
39:38
When you give that clear direction, you're going to get a
39:40
more clear result. So why is just turning things
39:43
loose when you change the question and you reframe it to
39:47
what specifically about sales do you find hard?
39:51
Now, number one, you're framing it.
39:52
So you're saying, OK, we're talking about how you feel about
39:55
sales. We're talking about sales.
39:57
So immediately like, all right, I'm going to stay focused on
39:59
sales. I'm going to stay focused on my
40:01
decision around sales. And why specifically, like what
40:03
specifically is difficult about sales for me?
40:07
Great. But you've directed the
40:08
conversation such that their unconscious mind follows that
40:11
directive, rather than just being like.
40:14
Sweet, where do we go? So you, you absolutely like I
40:17
avoid. Why?
40:17
Just because it gives you this vast possibility of, of
40:21
exploration for your unconscious mind to follow.
40:24
And one of the things, and I do want to get into this, but one
40:26
of the things that our unconscious mind does, it loves
40:29
to serve and it needs clear instructions to follow.
40:35
So part of why we avoid why is because it's not a clear, it's
40:39
not clear instructions. And if you say what specifically
40:42
about, you know, in the case of my wife, what specifically about
40:44
me not taking the garbage out bothers you?
40:47
Now I've given her a, a clear Ave. and her unconscious mind
40:50
can stay on that track and go, oh, here's the result.
40:53
Let's get and we can make progress versus just like
40:56
cruising around in the middle of nowhere.
40:57
So once again, that's why, that's why I avoid.
41:00
Why can you phrase your first question for me again?
41:03
Because you asked about why and there was something before that
41:06
and I want to get. Back to that, I was thinking
41:07
about the times where I've had the biggest breakthroughs and
41:14
when I'm reflecting on it, when you were talking, I was thinking
41:17
about how many times I've often times been forced through
41:22
effective questions. And it frequently actually,
41:24
which is interesting in therapy, there's a lot more questions.
41:27
And the thing that I've recognized with like you and
41:30
peers and anyone in this space is actually very few questions,
41:34
like a lot of the time. Back to your note of talk
41:36
therapy, we asked a lot of questions back and forth.
41:38
There's a lot of ruminating and like, well, why do you think you
41:41
feel that way? And a lot of, again, like
41:42
circling the drain around it, right?
41:45
But the thing that was interesting is there's been a
41:46
series of like four or five questions that have unlocked
41:49
emotion in me. And I've even seen you do this
41:51
with other people and then coaching them.
41:55
And it's a series of maybe four or five questions.
41:57
And then you see the emotions start to come up in the sense of
42:00
crying or kind of freezing, wanting to frankly run away, in
42:05
the sense of completely shut down.
42:07
I'm not doing this right now. And I have heard there's always
42:11
mixed opinions about it, right? Like I've heard someone else's
42:13
kind of motto is the idea of like having the having that
42:15
breakthrough without having the breakdown.
42:17
But I also know even for myself, a lot of my biggest
42:20
breakthroughs have come from the emotional release because I was
42:24
so in the analytical, logistical thinking, refusing to feel that
42:28
it meant I couldn't tap into the actual root of where it was
42:31
coming from. And so I'm curious with your
42:32
work with clients, do you do you kind of go in almost with the
42:36
goal of tapping in and getting the emotions going because that
42:39
tells you, OK, like we're open. Or do you think it's possible
42:42
for you know someone who maybe is super analytical in the way
42:45
that they are, in a sense of the way they process, that maybe
42:48
emotion isn't needed for that aha moment to happen?
42:52
OK, so to be honest with you, there's not, I don't have a
42:55
real, I have a very strong opinion on this.
42:58
I don't have any factual data or anything to back this up.
43:01
But in my experience, here's here's what happens.
43:04
The unconscious mind is the exclusive domain of emotions.
43:10
OK, And we know that to be true. Here's why.
43:12
Have you ever had to think about loving your family consciously?
43:16
Or do you feel that emotion? I'm going to be honest, Tji have
43:20
some moments where I'm like. I love you.
43:23
Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure.
43:25
But as far as the emotion of love, you don't think love, you
43:28
feel love, right? You feel fear, you don't think
43:32
yourself afraid. So conscious thought is not
43:37
capable of processing emotion. So emotion exists only within
43:42
the unconscious mind period. Like there, there is no debate
43:45
on that. When you look at an EEG, the
43:47
brain scans and whatnot, you can see it take place in the back of
43:50
the mind where the unconscious exists.
43:52
So we know that to be true at the same time when we're trying
43:57
to access the unconscious mind, which also happens to be the
44:02
exclusive domain of emotion. Is it possible for someone to
44:07
access their unconscious mind and make major shifts without
44:11
emotional responses? Sure.
44:14
Have I ever seen that happen? No fucking way.
44:19
So it's it's ultimately because our emotion exists within our
44:22
unconscious mind. To me, what seems to happen is
44:24
people have an emotional response and it can look, tears
44:27
are a great one, but it's not the only like that's not the
44:30
only emotion that we have. So I've had, I've had a couple
44:33
clients where like we've dug down to this level and they just
44:36
shut off because they get pissed, right?
44:37
They get angry like, oh, I'm, you know, they might have
44:39
another belief. You know, one particular person
44:42
who obviously I won't name, but really struggled to get to that
44:45
bottom belief because he had another belief that we had to
44:48
then identify before we could get to the root cause.
44:50
His belief was that he was not good enough and if he wasn't
44:54
perfect, then he wasn't worthy, he wasn't good enough.
44:58
And so if he found anything about him that wasn't that he
45:01
didn't deem as perfect, then he wasn't good enough and that
45:05
pissed him off. So whatever the neurological
45:07
connection there was. So we got down to this level of
45:09
like, hey, what could you possibly believe about yourself?
45:11
Or my personal rephrase of that, what must you believe about
45:15
yourself such that you feel this, you believe this, you
45:18
whatever. What must you believe about
45:20
yourself such that XYZ he would just shut down and be like, no
45:26
dude, screw this. I'm not doing like I'm I'm done.
45:29
It's like OK, fine man. Like I get paid either way, but
45:31
I would much rather you actually get to the base problem.
45:34
So yes, but but I I would say that emotion has been present
45:38
and it's usually very strong. Emotion is present in every
45:42
breakthrough that I've ever done.
45:43
I genuinely cannot think of an example where it hasn't been
45:46
That said, is it mandatory? I, I would, I would say probably
45:51
not. I just, I honestly, I don't
45:53
honestly know the answer to that question.
45:55
I'm sure there's somebody who's very logical and, and whatnot
45:58
that maybe doesn't have a great connection with their emotions,
46:02
particularly the entrepreneurial space.
46:04
I think there's, there's some of those people that exist.
46:07
It's just that I also believe that those people do have the
46:09
ability to access those emotions and maybe there was a traumatic
46:12
event or belief or decision that they made previously in their
46:14
life, for whatever reason it may have been, that precludes them
46:18
or prevents them from accessing those emotions.
46:20
So in my mind, if they struggle to access those emotions and
46:23
they can breakthrough without those emotions, wouldn't one of
46:27
the goals of my work be to then help them reconnect with those
46:31
emotions unconsciously? So again, I, I actually haven't
46:36
run into that yet. It's an interesting question.
46:37
I actually am probably going to ruminate on a little bit because
46:39
I, I don't know the answer to that.
46:41
Yeah. And.
46:43
I, I wonder too, when I'm thinking about that client being
46:46
resistant because I would think about if you ask, you're
46:49
listening to this and you ask yourself these questions.
46:51
I would hazard a guess because I remember myself having this
46:54
moment when you asked me questions, which was that you
46:57
got me to a place and you asked me a question and my answer that
47:00
came up in my mind, I denied. I was like, Nope, that's not my
47:04
belief. That's not mine.
47:05
I don't agree or resonate with that.
47:08
And so one thing that I'm curious about is when people
47:10
start to unpack, they're unconscious because again, it's
47:13
not something that they've consciously chosen to believe or
47:16
to absorb. When those come up are often
47:21
what you like reveal or have them kind of see mirrored back
47:25
to them. Is that often something that has
47:27
been taught to them or is it caught along the way?
47:30
Like is this something that usually people have as aha
47:34
moment and go, oh, you know, that does kind of connect or
47:37
does it kind of sometimes feel like this isn't mine, but you
47:41
still have awareness of it? You said it perfectly.
47:44
So you said you denied that answer.
47:48
That's what happens when you and I had that conversation.
47:51
Even though you initially denied the answer that came up for you,
47:54
did that answer end up being accurate, Yes or no?
47:57
Yeah. Yeah.
47:58
So once again, you cannot lie to yourself.
48:00
It's impossible. The reason I denied it is
48:02
because in my mind, again, analytical side went to, OK, so
48:06
say we're going back to the sales situation.
48:08
Sales is hard. We start to unpack it and
48:10
someone goes down to the fact that, you know, sales have
48:13
always been hard. And it's because I've never been
48:14
good at making money. And so they get to this belief
48:17
that, you know, I'm not good at making money comes through.
48:21
And when they go to say that they're like, well, that's not
48:23
true. Like I know how to make money.
48:24
And so they start to kind of negotiate with themselves as
48:27
like, is this my thought? And I think sometimes the
48:30
difficult part in unpacking with patterns or limiting beliefs and
48:34
getting to the root of those is I think sometimes it can feel
48:38
frustrating of a, for me at least, where did I pick this up?
48:42
Because it, I consciously believe XYZ, but yet this
48:47
obviously is coming up for me. So there must be a reason that
48:49
that's happening. And so I think for myself, I
48:52
sometimes deny the limiting belief of like, it's hard
48:56
because I have this other context consciously of like, Oh
48:58
no, like you can do it. You're confident, it's easy.
49:00
It's like tug of war almost, because you don't necessarily
49:04
always feel like you've chosen to have those limiting beliefs
49:08
or fears or resistances, but yet they present themselves.
49:12
Yeah. So, so 100% agree with you.
49:14
So like you said, when you have a conscious belief that is in
49:19
direct conflict with your unconscious beliefs, which one
49:22
do you think is going to win? So the, the, and that's a
49:26
rhetorical question. In truth, the way that I look
49:29
at, you might remember this from the event before your audience.
49:31
I'll explain it. So I look at the conscious and
49:33
unconscious mind as though it's an iceberg.
49:35
We've all seen those pictures of the icebergs where there's like
49:38
10% of it outside the above the water, and the vast majority of
49:41
it is beneath the water. If the conscious mind is what we
49:45
perceive and what we see, that's the part of the iceberg that we
49:49
are aware of. That's what we see as human
49:51
beings above the water. That's things like willpower,
49:54
short term memory, logical thinking, critical thinking.
49:57
That's our ego, if you will. That's where we as a as a
50:00
person, as an individual exist. All the stuff going on
50:04
underneath the surface is the unconscious mind.
50:06
So this is your beliefs, your emotions, your habitual
50:09
behaviors, your values, your long term memory, your
50:13
imagination, your, your intuition, right?
50:15
So all of these things that take place under the surface that we
50:19
just don't pay attention to because they're happening as the
50:21
operating system, as you so eloquently put it, it's that's
50:25
all present. And So what we have to do is we
50:28
have to acknowledge that that's there and then understand how
50:32
powerful that is. So if you have a belief, a
50:37
deeply installed unconscious belief that you a decision you
50:41
made previously, and this is an important point here, all
50:44
beliefs were once decisions, but not all decisions become
50:50
beliefs. So you can make a decision that
50:53
doesn't turn into a belief because a belief is more
50:55
powerful than a decision. However, every belief that you
51:00
maintain, every belief that you hold dear, that you hold true
51:03
was once a decision that you made.
51:05
And so the goal here is to basically acknowledge that they
51:08
are two different things. And simultaneously, if you have
51:12
a belief unconsciously that you're, let's say, I'll pick,
51:17
I'll pick a real simple 1, you have an unconscious belief that
51:21
you're unworthy. OK, I'm not saying where it
51:25
comes from doesn't matter. You, for whatever reason, you
51:27
have an unconscious belief that you're unworthy or you're not
51:29
good enough. They're very, they are
51:30
different, but they're very similar and very common, quite
51:33
frankly, in entrepreneurial circles.
51:35
So if that's your core belief and yet you stand in front of
51:40
the mirror every morning and you say your affirmations to
51:42
yourself when you, when you do your, your miracle morning as I
51:46
do, right? Or if you do, if you meditate or
51:47
if you do any of these things and you stand, there you go
51:49
like, no, I'm the shit, I'm badass.
51:52
I'm worth all kinds of money. I'm great.
51:54
I got this right now you can temporarily overpower that
51:59
belief. And yet still, I would venture a
52:03
guess that every person who does that eventually finds
52:06
themselves, as you mentioned earlier, you said repeating old
52:09
habits, right? Falling back into old patterns,
52:12
it's because the basis of your existence is your unconscious
52:16
mind. That unconscious belief is
52:18
what's supporting the rest of that iceberg.
52:20
So your conscious layer on top, great.
52:23
That's what people see. Yes, you can operate on that
52:25
level. And until you acknowledge the
52:27
power of the unconscious mind is really what's running the show,
52:31
that's what's in the driver's seat.
52:32
That's what's holding everything up for you.
52:34
Until you acknowledge that and begin to address those things,
52:38
you will never be able to fully eliminate or fully get rid of or
52:42
change the belief that you have at that unconscious level.
52:46
So that idea in itself is incredibly empowering for myself
52:50
and for a lot of clients because basically what it does is it
52:52
says, hey, I'm in charge here and I can actually access my
52:57
operating system. Like your conscious mind is just
53:00
an app on the phone that is your life.
53:03
And if you have a messed up operating system, then your apps
53:07
not going to work the way that you want it to work.
53:09
So the goal is to get the operating system functioning the
53:12
way that you want it. Well, I'm almost thinking as
53:14
you're saying that as well, there's like this vicious cycle
53:16
because you've got the aspect of I'm thinking of the affirmations
53:19
in the mirror. And so you say the affirmations
53:22
in the morning, OK, Like this is how I'm going to program my
53:24
brain. But then because you haven't
53:26
gotten to the bedrock, as you noted earlier, you end up still
53:29
having those old beliefs still popping up.
53:31
So I would hazard to guess if anything, by not addressing the
53:35
unconscious mind, you're actually further deepening and
53:38
ingraining the shame and the feelings and the lack of
53:42
worthiness because you can see the evidence of all the work,
53:46
quote UN quote, that you're putting in on the front end
53:48
consciously. But you're like, I just don't
53:50
understand. I've been doing affirmations
53:52
every morning in the last three years and I'm not seeing this
53:54
shift or I manifest the following and I've been tuning
53:57
into this and I'm telling my my mind, this is what we're doing,
54:00
but yet I still have the feelings and those beliefs
54:03
coming up. And so I feel like.
54:05
What's the question that everybody asks?
54:08
Everyone in that scenario asks the same question, why am I
54:11
doing this? And then we're back to the why
54:13
question, right? So it, you're absolutely right.
54:15
It is a, it's a vicious cycle and it sucks to get caught in.
54:19
And so this is, this is one of the major breakdowns for me.
54:22
Anyways, this is what I see as one of the major breakdowns in
54:24
in therapy is that you can focus on the conscious elements of
54:29
your life all you want until you address the unconscious, the
54:32
operating system of your life. Until you address that and make
54:36
it work the way that you want it to work, you will never be able
54:40
to completely override that. You can make progress, you can
54:43
do well, you can do great. But here's the thing, it's still
54:46
operating whether you like it or not.
54:49
So my goal is to get people comfortable with what the
54:51
unconscious mind is and then how to change it, how to address it
54:55
such that number one, you can build rapport with your own
54:58
unconscious mind and be able to address the things that you want
55:02
to address. So OK, if it's OK with you, what
55:04
I want to do is, is take a little bit of time here.
55:06
Do you have, do you have a question for me right now or can
55:08
I maybe delve you? Know what's coming up, which I
55:10
feel like is exactly where you're going.
55:11
I have a gut feeling, which is OK, So every single woman that I
55:16
have in my ecosystem is like, OK, great.
55:18
I get the knowledge, I have the awareness, teach me how to fix
55:21
it, which is like, I now understand what my unconscious
55:24
mind is, the power of it. Maybe potentially you're even
55:27
listening to these situations and questions.
55:29
You're like, OK, that's, that's literally me.
55:31
And I need to figure out how I can breakthrough this cycle.
55:34
And so I know obviously you do coaching.
55:37
So there's the aspect of fiscal information, but I also have
55:39
seen you teach self coaching models of like kind of how to
55:42
tap into this as you're saying yourself.
55:44
So would love to give you the flora.
55:47
So like someone's in this place and they know that they're like,
55:50
I, I think my unconscious is really the thing that's keeping
55:53
me from the results I want in my business, my life, my
55:57
relationship, whatever it might be.
55:58
Like how to really tap into making those shifts?
56:01
Yeah, so, so first thing we talked about the, the four
56:04
questions to bedrock. Great.
56:05
Let's say you, you've done the work you've dug down and
56:08
whatever it is now again, a really common 1 is that people
56:11
feel like they're not good enough or they're unworthy.
56:13
Those are super, super common. In fact, I, I don't know that
56:16
I've ever worked with someone that hasn't had some degree of
56:18
that, especially in the entrepreneur entrepreneurship
56:22
world. So if, if you are dealing with
56:24
that right now and you're listening to this, please know
56:28
that that is extremely common. And that's a good thing.
56:31
OK. That's like, that's the same
56:33
reason when you go to the doctor and the doctor's like, oh, it's
56:35
a common cold. Yeah, just do this.
56:37
You're way happier than him being like, I've never seen this
56:40
shit before and we're going to have to do some tasks and figure
56:42
this one out. You'd always rather something
56:48
just know, just know for everyone listening.
56:50
If you are dealing with I'm not worthy or I am not good enough
56:54
or anything along those lines. You're not alone.
56:57
Everyone I've ever worked with has dealt with that, myself
57:00
included, by the way, has dealt with some level of that and
57:03
there are easy ways to deal with it.
57:05
That's the hardest thing for a lot of people to grasp is how
57:07
simple this can be. So let me do this.
57:10
I want to talk about your filter system real quick and how that
57:12
functions. Life exists basically this way.
57:16
So an external event happens, whatever that may be.
57:19
Let's take for example, a car crash.
57:21
OK, you're not in it, you just happen to witness it, right?
57:25
Car crash happens externally. Now you use your 5 senses.
57:27
We, we say VAKOG vacog. So you have visual, auditory,
57:31
kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory.
57:33
And for those that don't know, olfactory is smell, gustatory is
57:35
taste. Hopefully everybody knows what
57:37
vision, auditory and, and kinesthetic are.
57:40
But kinesthetic being physical touch, kinesthetic is also used
57:43
with, with emotion as well because we feel emotions.
57:46
So you use these 5 senses and you take in data about this
57:50
external event. What happens is as you take this
57:54
data in, it's processed through what I call your filter system.
57:57
Now what exists here is all kinds of different things.
58:02
You have your beliefs, your core values, your language, your
58:05
memories, decisions. We, we have things called
58:08
metaprograms, which I'm not going to get into at this time,
58:10
attitudes, how you think about things, etcetera.
58:13
And as you filter this information through this filter
58:16
system that exists within your neurology, that effects and
58:21
colors the data that comes through.
58:24
And so the data that does eventually come through, you
58:27
build an IR, what we call an internal representation of that
58:30
external event. So you see the car crash, and
58:33
then within your neurology, this happens in moments.
58:36
You build an internal representation of that car crash
58:39
that you can then reference later for memory if you're
58:41
giving a police report or if you think about it, or if you have
58:43
nightmares, whatever it is, right?
58:44
But that internal representation or IR is something that you
58:48
build. That IR directly affects your
58:51
emotional state, which also affects your your Physiology.
58:56
So it's like when you're, when you're feeling powerful and you
58:58
know, your shoulders are up and you got your hands up and you're
59:01
happy, you're feeling good, right?
59:03
But if you're scared and you're kind of you're your arms crossed
59:05
and you're a little bit like, I'm uncomfortable here, whatever
59:08
it may be, right? Your Physiology is affected by
59:10
your state, which is affected by the internal representation that
59:13
you created around this specific event.
59:16
Your Physiology and your actions and behaviors are affected by
59:21
all of those things. So then your actions and
59:23
behaviors go back out into the world and can create an effect
59:27
further and future events that you then run through this filter
59:32
system again, it's a, it's a cyclical process.
59:35
And so the goal here is to be able to give people the ability
59:38
to recognize, adjust, change, remove, add, whatever those
59:44
filter systems may be such that you can achieve different
59:48
behaviors and thereby affect your physical world differently.
59:53
That's the whole goal of of what I do.
59:55
Now. There's a big note here that I
59:57
want to comment on now. The unconscious mind.
59:59
There was a study done back in the 1970s and.
1:00:04
I want to say it was guy by a guy named Robert Byrd Whistle,
1:00:07
which I, I love his name at the University of Pennsylvania.
1:00:12
And one of the things that he referenced was the percentage of
1:00:17
data that is perceived by people.
1:00:19
And so This is why it's so important to do things in
1:00:21
person. So 7% of our communication, only
1:00:25
7% of our communication is verbal, meaning the words that
1:00:29
we choose. 38% of our communication is non verbal or
1:00:35
is tone. It's tone, it's volume, it's all
1:00:39
kinds of different elements that have to do with things that you
1:00:41
hear. It's an auditory element.
1:00:43
And then 55% is physical, right? So it's your, it's your posture.
1:00:49
It's the way that you're standing.
1:00:50
It's how you're presenting yourself to somebody.
1:00:54
And so when you're dealing with clients, especially in a sales
1:00:56
environment, it's so important to be on a call.
1:00:59
And it's like a Zoom call like this instead of doing it via
1:01:02
text message, right? Or e-mail, because how many
1:01:04
times have we had conversations like, oh, well, it just didn't
1:01:07
come through via text? Yeah, Yeah.
1:01:08
Because you're only sending 7% of the information.
1:01:11
So at least to get on a phone call with somebody, better yet,
1:01:14
get on a Zoom call so that you can see that information.
1:01:17
Now, the reason I mention that is because that's a lot of data
1:01:20
that comes in. And if you and I are sitting
1:01:23
together and we're just having a conversation, there's a famous
1:01:28
saying that like people like their people, right?
1:01:33
So we like people that are like ourselves, right?
1:01:36
Now, that's not to say that that we necessarily dislike people
1:01:39
who aren't like us. It's just the reality is like
1:01:42
people that our unconscious mind takes as similar to us, we feel
1:01:46
more comfortable quicker with those individuals, right?
1:01:49
That's how we survived as, as tribal people.
1:01:52
Like if you didn't fit into the tribe, you didn't look the same.
1:01:55
Like, oh, that person makes me nervous.
1:01:56
I'm not going to trust them as as much right away, right.
1:01:58
So now, I'm not saying that that's acceptable.
1:02:01
I'm just pointing out that that's a result of, of our
1:02:03
evolution and, and as as human beings.
1:02:06
And so our unconscious mind takes in all of this data
1:02:09
without us even knowing it. And one of the one of the other
1:02:12
studies, and I will point out here that the numbers they use
1:02:15
to me are irrelevant. It's the point behind this that
1:02:18
that I think is important. There was a study, I'm
1:02:20
forgetting the exact, exact one at the moment.
1:02:22
I can send it to you if anybody would like to see it.
1:02:24
But this particular study said that our unconscious mind or
1:02:27
that our minds taken roughly 11,000,000 bits of information
1:02:31
per second. How you quantify that, I have no
1:02:34
idea. The point is, there's a lot of
1:02:36
data coming in, and they say that consciously we can only
1:02:40
process about 126 bits of data per second.
1:02:44
So we go from a dump truck full of toothpicks, a toothpick being
1:02:48
a piece of data, down to like a handful of them.
1:02:51
And we do that every second. Well, how does our unconscious
1:02:54
mind do that? Because our unconscious mind
1:02:56
receives all of it, right? So our unconscious mind uses 3
1:03:00
processes, 1's called distortion, the other is
1:03:03
deletion and the other's generalization.
1:03:05
And it works like this. All that data comes in and your
1:03:09
unconscious mind goes, you know what?
1:03:12
Vast majority of this is irrelevant.
1:03:14
So like case in point, you and I sitting here right now, or maybe
1:03:17
one of your listeners listening or watching, watching a replay
1:03:19
of this. You might be looking at me and
1:03:22
you probably notice. If you think about it, you'd
1:03:24
probably see that there's a shade right behind me, but in
1:03:27
truth, that hasn't been relevant to this conversation until this
1:03:29
very moment. So the shade behind me, or maybe
1:03:32
like the tone of my voice or the color of my shirt or whatever it
1:03:35
is, if you're out on a jog or you're on the treadmill or
1:03:37
whatever, whatever you're looking at, point being, all
1:03:39
this data is coming in for you visually, auditory,
1:03:42
kinesthetically, etcetera. That you're just ignoring.
1:03:44
Your brain is your unconscious is just deleting all of it.
1:03:47
It says this is irrelevant to the conversation that's being
1:03:50
had. So it just deletes the vast
1:03:52
majority of it. Then there's distortion.
1:03:55
So something that comes in that maybe we don't necessarily
1:04:00
recognize, but our our brain, our unconscious feels like is
1:04:03
relevant. And so it puts that in a box
1:04:06
that it feels is maybe accurate, even though it knows it's not.
1:04:10
So there's a great example of this, like, we've all seen the
1:04:12
videos of of cats jumping away from cucumbers, right?
1:04:17
So that cat is acting on an unconscious level.
1:04:20
Yeah. That the cat is literally just
1:04:22
reacting to what it thinks is a threat.
1:04:24
Right. So it's reacting to this threat
1:04:27
and effectively the cat's unconscious, if you will, right.
1:04:29
The cat's brain is effectively telling it this is a threat.
1:04:33
We don't know what a cucumber is.
1:04:36
We just assume that it's a threat and we're going to act
1:04:38
based on that information. So that's a distortion of
1:04:40
information. There's stories of people
1:04:42
walking down the road and seeing a piece of rope and be like, Oh
1:04:44
my God, it's a snake. Same thing, right?
1:04:46
So it's taking something and, and just putting it in a
1:04:49
distorting it and putting it in a bucket that makes sense for
1:04:52
us. And then there's generalization
1:04:55
and generalization is exactly what it sounds like.
1:04:57
It's taking some piece of data and it's saying, oh, this looks
1:05:00
like this or this is this just makes sense right now.
1:05:05
Obviously those things like generalizing people, we do this
1:05:08
all the time, right? Every single one of us judges
1:05:10
and generalizes whether we mean to or not.
1:05:12
And I want to be very clear, I know your audience is largely
1:05:15
women. Women are very important to me.
1:05:18
All right? I have a daughter, I have a
1:05:19
wife, I have a mom, I have a sister.
1:05:20
Like women are very important to me.
1:05:22
Simultaneously, I do believe that men and women are
1:05:25
different, equal, but different. And so I think those differences
1:05:28
should be celebrated. Now, the reason that I bring
1:05:31
this up when I talk about generalizations is this.
1:05:35
I'm 64200 and some pounds, right?
1:05:37
I don't think I've ever had to worry about walking back to my
1:05:39
car alone at night. So that's not necessarily
1:05:41
something that I can I can sympathize with, but I can
1:05:44
certainly empathize with the idea that that could be scary
1:05:46
for a lot of women. So what I will suggest, what I
1:05:50
would offer is this a woman who's experiencing something,
1:05:54
let's say like that, right? Scary walking home, whatever,
1:05:57
right? The woman that's walking back to
1:05:59
her car and someone maybe holds the door for her and that makes
1:06:03
her uncomfortable. But this person holding the door
1:06:05
is actually just being friendly, right?
1:06:07
Or there's another, there's another great story where like a
1:06:10
a guy's chasing a woman and she's freaking out.
1:06:13
She turns around because she thinks he's following him and
1:06:16
he's just trying to give her the wallet that she dropped back.
1:06:19
And so like all she did was generalize her, her unconscious
1:06:22
mind said, OK, this person's a threat because he's following
1:06:25
me. Now.
1:06:25
Is she mistaken to do that? Hell no.
1:06:28
Like her unconscious mind is generalizing incorrectly, but
1:06:31
her unconscious mind is generalizing in order to keep
1:06:34
her safe, right? So this generalization happens
1:06:37
to all of us whether we like it or not.
1:06:40
I think that the difference is a much different conversation, of
1:06:42
course, but the difference between someone who generalizes
1:06:45
unconsciously and then feels bad about it is very different than
1:06:49
the person who generalizes consciously and is just double s
1:06:51
down on it. And it's like, no, no, all men
1:06:53
suck. Like I don't need that in my
1:06:55
life. So my point is here, like, yes,
1:06:58
we do generalize. Deletion, distortion and
1:07:00
generalization happens like that.
1:07:03
And then you go through your filter system with the
1:07:05
information that's been cut down and you build the internal
1:07:08
representation. You create your emotional state,
1:07:10
which of course affects your Physiology and your behaviors.
1:07:12
And it's the cyclical process over and over again.
1:07:15
And our unconscious minds are so good at doing this that they do
1:07:19
it in an instant. We don't even notice that the
1:07:21
filter, the filtration process is taking place.
1:07:23
That external event, what happens, that car crash takes
1:07:25
place. We color it through our filter,
1:07:28
the lens of our filter system, we build an IR and then we
1:07:31
immediately react, right? Some of us, like myself, usually
1:07:33
there's a crash. I I've like run over to help
1:07:35
people see if everybody's OK, right?
1:07:37
Some people freeze. Maybe some people have been in a
1:07:40
bad car accident and, and they panic or they breakdown.
1:07:43
Like there's no judgements, not relevant here.
1:07:45
All I'm saying is that we have a different reaction.
1:07:48
And so the point being that process happens immediately.
1:07:52
And we're, it happened so quickly and so fast that we're
1:07:55
unaware that it's even happening.
1:07:56
But this is an important process to be aware of such that we can
1:07:59
actually begin to take responsibility for and change
1:08:03
that filter system to affect different results.
1:08:06
So a big part of what I do is, is basically taking
1:08:11
responsibility for oneself. And so I call it being at cause,
1:08:16
right? So we have in my work and in in
1:08:18
some of some of the NLP lineages that are out there, there's
1:08:21
cause and effect. If you exist at the effect of
1:08:25
your own life, you are existing within the boundaries of what
1:08:30
happens to you. You are giving your control
1:08:33
away. So if you find yourself saying
1:08:35
this happened to me, so and so did this to me, well, OK, that
1:08:41
can be accurate. And simultaneously, excuse me,
1:08:44
you're pointing your finger elsewhere.
1:08:46
And So what you're doing is you're giving your power away to
1:08:48
someone or something else. If you're at cause, however,
1:08:52
something could happen to you and you might instead of saying
1:08:56
like, oh, it sucks, this happened to me, you might say,
1:08:59
all right, how did I attract that into my life?
1:09:02
How did I 'cause this event to happen, right?
1:09:05
That shift to taking, not necessarily blame or fault or
1:09:09
responsibility for whatever happened, but that shift of
1:09:11
saying, OK, what am I going to get out of this?
1:09:13
What can I do differently going forward is way more empowering
1:09:17
than being a victim, which is popular these days of your
1:09:21
circumstances. So I offer to everyone
1:09:24
listening, be at cause for your life if and when something
1:09:28
happens to you, stand up and say, what did I do to attract
1:09:31
this? What can I learn from this?
1:09:33
How can I grow from this? Because even though a lot of the
1:09:37
things that happened in your life are your fault, there are
1:09:40
many things that happened that have nothing to do with you that
1:09:42
are out of your control. Case in point, my father getting
1:09:44
diagnosed with cancer. Now I didn't give my father
1:09:47
cancer, but what I did do instead of being a victim and
1:09:50
saying, all right, how is it possible this is happening
1:09:53
again? He's fought cancer three
1:09:55
different cancers 4 times, you know, like why is and wallow in
1:09:58
that self pity, which immediately, like I did right,
1:10:01
but we catch ourselves and for me it became all right.
1:10:05
How can I be of assistance to my family such that my dad can
1:10:09
actually put the energy toward that that's required for him to
1:10:13
heal towards that process. And for me, the ability to re
1:10:16
evaluate instead of being a victim, instead of being at the
1:10:19
effect of of his cancer and affecting all of us.
1:10:22
What I was able to do is say, OK, I can step in.
1:10:24
I can help with the will. I can help take care of my mom.
1:10:26
I can help be present for my mom and for my sister.
1:10:29
I can be aware of of, you know, the trusts and the the
1:10:31
executorship. And I can I can take a more
1:10:34
active role such that dad can remove himself from those and
1:10:37
put that energy towards his healing journey.
1:10:40
So that minor shift of going from the effect of my life to
1:10:44
being at cause, No, I'm not taking responsibility for my dad
1:10:48
getting sick. However, I am taking control
1:10:51
over my reaction to it. Being at cause is huge.
1:10:56
And so the last thing I want to do before we go into how we do
1:11:00
this is a quick breakdown of what the unconscious mind
1:11:02
controls, right? There's a number of these, so
1:11:04
we're going to go through them. If you have any specific
1:11:06
questions, Kate, feel free to interrupt me.
1:11:08
I want to burn through these if possible so I can get to act
1:11:10
with some of the techniques to work for, for folks, your
1:11:13
unconscious mind. And most people I think will
1:11:15
agree with the vast majority of these.
1:11:17
If you disagree, by all means, find me on on Instagram or
1:11:20
wherever and shoot me a message. I'd love to chat with you about
1:11:22
it. But here's what I know to be
1:11:24
true. The unconscious mind stores
1:11:26
memories, right? You don't think about memories.
1:11:29
You have to recall them from your unconscious mind.
1:11:31
Now, this could be temporal meaning in relationship to time,
1:11:33
or it could be a temporal meaning in relationship to
1:11:35
feeling or taste or smell or touch or whatever it may be.
1:11:39
The unconscious mind is also the exclusive domain of emotions.
1:11:42
As I mentioned earlier, it organizes all of your memories
1:11:47
for recall later, right? However you want to do that.
1:11:49
If you've watched there's a Disney movie about the little
1:11:51
girl that like is learning her emotions inside out.
1:11:55
So that's a great one that stores memories.
1:11:57
It's like this memory is happy. This memory is sad.
1:11:59
And then at the end of the movie they're like, hey, guess what?
1:12:01
You can have multiple emotions in one memory.
1:12:03
That's such an awesome film for explaining how this works to
1:12:05
people. But your unconscious organizes
1:12:08
your memories. It also represses memories with
1:12:11
unresolved negative emotion. So people know repressed
1:12:14
memories are real, but you don't generally consciously do that.
1:12:18
That unconsciously happens for your protection and for your
1:12:21
safety. Now the key here is that those
1:12:24
memories are still real and they still exist.
1:12:26
So where does it come from when they show back up?
1:12:28
Well, the unconscious mind is presenting those repressed
1:12:32
memories for resolution, so it has the ability to do that as
1:12:35
well. The unconscious mind runs the
1:12:37
body which we discussed earlier. It has a blueprint of the body
1:12:41
now and also of the body in perfect health.
1:12:43
So when you listen to yourself, you're like, Oh, I'm hungry for
1:12:46
protein. Like I really should eat some
1:12:47
eggs or like a steak or if you're a vegetarian or a vegan,
1:12:50
like I should go eat some kale. Whatever it is that you people
1:12:52
do, I don't know. But in all seriousness, like,
1:12:55
I'll, I'll respect every, every choice in the world, but I just,
1:12:58
I tease because I love meat. But point being, it has the
1:13:01
blueprint for what your body needs.
1:13:02
And so when your body tells you that you need a certain thing,
1:13:05
if you're thirsty for water, right, it's probably good to
1:13:07
drink some water because your body and your unconscious knows
1:13:09
what your body needs. Your unconscious preserves the
1:13:13
body, right? So we know that.
1:13:15
And especially like when you get injured, right?
1:13:16
It heals it. It can protect you from things.
1:13:19
It's a highly moral being. Now, here's the thing.
1:13:22
Morality is only the morality that we have been taught and
1:13:24
accepted. OK.
1:13:26
So because of cultural differences or because of where
1:13:28
you came from, the morality that you and I have, Kate, may be
1:13:31
very different. I think we're very much aligned.
1:13:34
But it my point is that morality doesn't mean like my morality
1:13:37
does not apply to you. The morality that your
1:13:41
unconscious mind accepts is the morality that you accept
1:13:45
personally. So it's a highly moral being and
1:13:48
it follows your morals. Your unconscious mind also
1:13:50
enjoys serving, as I mentioned, and it needs clear orders to
1:13:54
follow. And then finally, a couple more
1:13:56
things. So it controls and maintains all
1:13:58
your perceptions. It generates, stores,
1:14:00
distributes and transmits energy to different parts of your body.
1:14:03
Case in point, like sending your white blood cells to attack an
1:14:06
infection type thing. You don't think about that?
1:14:08
At least I sure don't. Yeah, it maintains instincts and
1:14:12
generates habits. It needs repetition until a
1:14:16
habit is installed. Your unconscious is programmed
1:14:20
to continually seek more and more, which is why addiction is
1:14:24
a thing. It functions best as a whole
1:14:28
integrated unit. And what I mean by that is the
1:14:30
conscious mind and unconscious mind function.
1:14:33
They function well when they're apart, but they also function
1:14:36
much better when they integrate together and they work as a
1:14:38
whole integrated unit. Your unconscious mind is
1:14:41
symbolic, meaning that it will receive meanings from things
1:14:44
that may or may not be present, which is why sometimes,
1:14:47
especially in arguments with couples, you hear some of you
1:14:49
like, what do you mean by that? Like, well, whoa, I didn't say
1:14:52
anything. I didn't say that like that's
1:14:54
hold on all that back. So it received symbolism.
1:14:58
It takes everything personally, right?
1:15:01
It doesn't mean offensively, but like everything that happens to
1:15:04
you, your unconscious mind processes as though it's
1:15:06
happening to you. It works on the principle of
1:15:10
least effort, meaning it will always, just like water and
1:15:12
electricity will always find the easiest way to get there, so
1:15:15
will your unconscious mind. And here's a really key
1:15:18
important one. Your unconscious mind does not
1:15:19
process negatives. What do I mean by that?
1:15:22
This is a key, important one, so I'm going to spend just a moment
1:15:24
on it. Your unconscious mind does not
1:15:26
and cannot process negatives. What that means is when you say,
1:15:31
when I ask you as a listener, when I say don't think about a
1:15:35
blue car immediately, the vast majority of you probably thought
1:15:40
about a blue car, whether you own one or have you seen one or
1:15:43
whatever. You probably thought about it
1:15:44
for a moment. But what I said was don't think
1:15:47
about that blue car. Unfortunately, because our
1:15:50
unconscious mind cannot process negatives, it doesn't hear the
1:15:53
don't. What it hears is think about a
1:15:55
blue car, right? So we know this to be true, and
1:15:59
this is one of the reasons because our unconscious mind
1:16:01
cannot really perceive the difference between reality and
1:16:04
visions, right? Which is why Olympic athletes
1:16:06
are well known for visualizing their runs before they do them.
1:16:10
Our unconscious mind basically just goes with what we're
1:16:12
feeding it. And when we say don't or no or
1:16:15
not or what have you, what adheres is what we say, which is
1:16:19
why I believe it's super, super important to say things the way
1:16:22
that you want it. Say it the way that you want it,
1:16:25
not how you don't want it. So if you're focusing on if
1:16:28
financial struggle is your thing right now and you are tired of
1:16:32
being broke, quit saying that. Change it to say I want to be
1:16:38
wealthy, I want to be successful.
1:16:40
Whatever it is, say it how you want it.
1:16:42
Because if you say I don't want to be broke, what your
1:16:46
unconscious hears is I want to be broke.
1:16:49
I know this is not the example that we're on, but the instant
1:16:51
one that came up for me is like, I don't want to eat so much cake
1:16:55
anymore and all you can think about is cake.
1:16:58
Yeah. Like I'm thinking about dieting
1:16:59
or anything along like the food or any of that aspect of dieting
1:17:04
and workout. Like I, I don't want to skip the
1:17:06
gym anymore. Like I don't want to be
1:17:08
inconsistent anymore. Like I need to go to the gym.
1:17:10
Sure. So.
1:17:10
So let me just stop you right there.
1:17:12
So what you just said was I don't want to skip the gym
1:17:14
anymore. So what do you want to do?
1:17:17
I want to be consistent in the gym.
1:17:19
Boom, so say that. Yeah, cuz that's what you mean.
1:17:22
I'm just thinking about how many, like I'm reflecting as
1:17:24
you're saying this on how many just conversations with like
1:17:28
peers, family, people in your ecosystem are like, oh, like I,
1:17:31
I, I don't want to eat that or I can't eat that.
1:17:33
Like in the sense of like it's always usually actually and
1:17:37
ruminating on it over here, often framed in aspect of the
1:17:39
negative. And by the way, I'm sure, I'm
1:17:42
100% sure that if you go back and watch this again, I'm sure
1:17:45
you will see me do this as well. So there, these are all things
1:17:48
that like none, none of the stuff that I do is just a light
1:17:52
switch. Like it doesn't, it's a
1:17:53
continuing process. There is no finish line.
1:17:57
It gives you the ability to accept reality and to make
1:18:00
changes and adjust and tweak your knobs as you move through
1:18:02
life. But the idea that a lot of
1:18:04
people have is that, well, I just do this and then it's
1:18:07
fixed. That'd be nice, but that's just
1:18:10
unfortunately the, the world, it works differently.
1:18:13
So it's a continual process. So yes, I do the same stuff we
1:18:17
all do. Being able to recognize it and
1:18:19
then catch it and shift it is a massive change and is something
1:18:22
that can actually be very beneficial.
1:18:24
Another note on that point, there's toward and away from
1:18:26
energies. And So what happens is it's like
1:18:29
magnetism. So to use the same example that
1:18:32
I'll use your example, I don't want to eat cake.
1:18:34
OK, well, if you don't want to eat cake and you think about
1:18:38
your your energy like on on one side of a scale is eating cake
1:18:44
and on the other side is eating healthy, right?
1:18:46
What? What would you like to eat
1:18:47
instead of cake? Salad.
1:18:50
Salad. OK, so I want to eat salad.
1:18:52
I don't want to eat cake. Awesome.
1:18:54
So if you exist and you're eating a lot of cake and you're
1:18:56
like, I don't want to do this anymore.
1:18:57
Great. Well, the further away you get
1:19:00
from not eating cake, the less repulsion or the less energy
1:19:05
that non energy has. And what I mean by that is when
1:19:09
you say I don't want to eat cake.
1:19:10
And let's say you haven't eaten cake for a while.
1:19:12
Well, great. Now the goal to not eat cake has
1:19:15
been satisfied for a while. So it's like, well, you know, I
1:19:18
don't really feel as strongly about it as I used to.
1:19:21
That's away from energy. You're moving away from a
1:19:23
problem. And So what you want to do is
1:19:25
you want to say I want to eat salad.
1:19:28
Because then you move away from eating cake.
1:19:30
And simultaneously, as you get closer to eating more and more
1:19:33
salad, you're still trying to eat salad.
1:19:35
And the attraction to eating salad becomes stronger and
1:19:38
stronger the closer you get to it.
1:19:41
So the towards and away from energy is really important,
1:19:43
especially with money. So people saying I don't want to
1:19:46
be broke, great, you can move away from being broke, but
1:19:48
you'll only be so successful because you only get to a spot
1:19:50
where you're just comfortable enough to not feel broke.
1:19:53
Which is why a lot of people get to a position of comfort and
1:19:56
can't seem to breakthrough the glass ceiling.
1:19:58
What I would suggest for those people.
1:20:01
Focus on what you want. Say I want to be wealthy, I want
1:20:03
to be successful, I want to be rich.
1:20:05
I don't care what it is. Say what you want so that the
1:20:08
attraction continues to move you towards that goal instead of
1:20:11
away from what you don't want. That's a big shift.
1:20:14
And I know that's helped a lot of clients as well as myself.
1:20:18
All right, So how can we use this for our benefit?
1:20:22
All right, So understanding #1 the things that we discussed a
1:20:25
minute ago about the unconscious mind, what it does if we think
1:20:29
about the unconscious mind as a young child, OK, which really in
1:20:33
my, in my experience, has been the best way for me to
1:20:36
communicate with my unconscious mind.
1:20:38
Well, we know that it, it wants to please, OK.
1:20:41
And for any of you that have kids, the way that your kids
1:20:43
looked at you when they were young, not teenagers, but when
1:20:46
they were young and they just wanted to make you happy.
1:20:48
Like they didn't have bills, they didn't have worries.
1:20:51
They just, all they cared about was the approval and the love of
1:20:55
you, right? So that's a beautiful thing.
1:20:58
And our unconscious mind is the same way.
1:21:00
It just wants to serve you and it wants to keep you safe and
1:21:03
protect you. So if we communicate with it in
1:21:07
that fashion, as though we're communicating with a child, what
1:21:09
are we going to do? Well, like I mentioned with the
1:21:11
fireworks thing earlier, that that example, you're going to
1:21:14
give clear directions and you're going to say, this is what I
1:21:17
want you to do. And then your unconscious mind
1:21:19
doesn't have to answer the why question and go crazy and make
1:21:23
stuff up. That's like the SMART goals.
1:21:25
A lot of people have heard of those like specific, measurable,
1:21:28
actionable, realistic and time based, right.
1:21:31
And so as you go through these goals, you say, OK, unconscious
1:21:34
mind, I want this. I want this specifically.
1:21:37
Here's how I want it to show up. This is when I want it.
1:21:41
And you make those goals. And then your unconscious mind,
1:21:43
it's like, alright, cool, I can work towards that.
1:21:44
But when you just say I don't want to be broke, your
1:21:46
unconscious mind is like, OK, what do I do with that?
1:21:49
Yeah, so it needs clear instructions.
1:21:51
So that's first and foremost. So setting goals that are
1:21:54
clarified, I mean obnoxiously clear for yourself.
1:21:57
Like I want it by this date, this time.
1:22:00
This is how I'm going to know it's true.
1:22:02
If I if your goal is to buy a house or a car or something like
1:22:04
that, you want the keys in your hand On this date and you want
1:22:09
this color and this make and this model, and you want it to
1:22:12
sound like this because it has a sound system, like be specific.
1:22:16
And then let go of the attachment of how that shows up.
1:22:19
Another thing, because the unconscious mind is in control
1:22:24
when you do those four questions to bedrock thought and you get
1:22:28
down to an issue, right? And again, the common, the most
1:22:31
common ones I see are I'm unworthy or I'm not good enough.
1:22:36
If that's what you've gotten down to, whatever that core base
1:22:40
thought level is, what I want people to start doing is asking
1:22:45
their unconscious minds what they need to do to be able to
1:22:49
release this belief easily and effortlessly.
1:22:54
Right now, if you ask your unconscious mind, if you speak
1:22:59
with your unconscious mind as though you respect it, as though
1:23:03
you believe in it, and as though you know that it is there for
1:23:07
your safety, protection, and survival, then you will begin to
1:23:12
integrate your conscious and unconscious minds once again.
1:23:16
When you were a child, they were very integrated.
1:23:18
And over time we separate them out through society and through
1:23:21
social norms. So what Ioffer is that if you
1:23:24
begin to communicate with your unconscious mind with respect
1:23:27
and when it does something, for example, when you are
1:23:31
frustrated, right when someone's like, oh God, I just can't.
1:23:34
I just can't do the things that I know I need to do for my
1:23:38
business. Let's say they dig down and they
1:23:40
find out it's because they're not good enough.
1:23:42
OK, here's what I would suggest. Thank your unconscious mind
1:23:48
because I promise you, your unconscious mind made that
1:23:52
decision and installed the belief that you are unworthy or
1:23:55
you are not good enough to protect you, to serve you, to
1:23:59
provide for you, to do something positive for you.
1:24:02
Because your unconscious mind's sole, sole goal is to provide
1:24:07
for your safety, security, and to keep you existing and to keep
1:24:11
you alive. So everything it does, even when
1:24:14
it gets it wrong, because it's still part of a human being and
1:24:16
we are fallible, even when it gets it wrong, it still did it
1:24:21
with your best interest at heart.
1:24:23
So you can thank your unconscious mind, literally
1:24:26
thank you unconscious mind. Now this belief is no longer
1:24:31
serving me. The belief that I am not good
1:24:33
enough is no longer serving me. Where did it come from?
1:24:37
And you'll get an answer and your unconscious mind will tell
1:24:40
you. And it should be like that
1:24:41
should be super, super quick. Whatever comes up first, no
1:24:46
filter, just let it out. Trust what comes right.
1:24:48
So for you around the fire that one night when, when that thing
1:24:51
came up and you're like, no, no, no, that's that arrogant like
1:24:54
conscious mind thing. Like no, that's can't be it.
1:24:57
This is Hogwart. So trust what comes up, right?
1:25:01
So thank your unconscious mind, which it will take very, very
1:25:04
clearly as like, oh sweet, I finally feel appreciated.
1:25:07
I'm being acknowledged and appreciated.
1:25:08
Two things that all human beings adore and love.
1:25:12
So you acknowledge it, you appreciate it, you thank it.
1:25:14
And then you ask it, where did it come from?
1:25:15
You trust the answer. And then you ask your
1:25:17
unconscious mind this question, unconscious mind, would it be
1:25:21
all right for me to release this belief today and for me to be
1:25:25
aware of it consciously? And your unconscious mind will
1:25:29
say yes or no. And if the answer is yes, then
1:25:35
you proceed to the following question which is unconscious
1:25:38
mind. What specifically do I need to
1:25:41
do to release this belief today? And whatever you get, go do.
1:25:48
It's as simple as that. Because you know that what it's
1:25:50
giving you is going to be good for you, right?
1:25:52
It's not going to tell you to go jump off a Cliff or go drive a
1:25:55
car into a tree. It's going to tell you to go sit
1:25:57
in silence. It's going to go tell you to
1:25:59
call your mom, right? It's going to tell you to do
1:26:01
whatever it is that you know that you need to do to be able
1:26:04
to release that belief. Because what you've done is
1:26:07
you've acknowledged it, appreciated it and said, hey, I
1:26:10
need your help. And this belief that you
1:26:12
installed is no longer serving us and therefore I'd like to
1:26:16
release it. And because it's there to serve
1:26:19
you, it will give you an answer. Now, very rarely I've had
1:26:23
clients that have had unconscious minds and and they
1:26:25
will get the answer no. When you say would it be all
1:26:27
right to release this belief? And it says no.
1:26:30
And this is an interesting case. So this may happen for you if
1:26:32
you try this. If that happens, you need to ask
1:26:37
yourself about secondary gain. What is secondary gain?
1:26:42
Secondary gain is the benefit that you are receiving from
1:26:45
something that is that is detrimental to you in other
1:26:48
ways. OK, So for example, somebody
1:26:51
that believes they are not good enough gets a sense of
1:26:56
protection or a sense of safety from that belief.
1:26:59
Now, it might be undermining their relationships and their
1:27:02
business and their life and all kinds of other things.
1:27:05
However, the secondary gain that they're getting can be
1:27:09
beneficial. So there are situations in which
1:27:12
that secondary gain may seem strong enough to you that you
1:27:16
may elect in your unconscious mind may suggest that you
1:27:19
maintain that belief for the time being, because eliminating
1:27:23
that belief might eliminate that secondary gain and therefore put
1:27:26
you at risk for some unforeseen consequence.
1:27:29
So once again, I don't know what the right answer is for people.
1:27:33
What I do know is that they will have an answer and that their
1:27:37
goal, my job, my whole role is to trust their unconscious mind.
1:27:42
I will tell everyone this, your unconscious mind is the smartest
1:27:46
mind in the room for you, period, whether you've ever
1:27:49
spoken to it or not, because your unconscious mind knows you
1:27:52
better than I ever could or than anybody else ever could.
1:27:56
And so when it gives you an answer, trust that answer.
1:28:00
Sometimes it sounds weird. And here's the thing, like I've
1:28:02
tested, I've done some dumb shit.
1:28:03
I went to the, I went to the core one time and I was like,
1:28:06
you know what? Give me the winning lottery
1:28:08
numbers, unconscious mind. I didn't win a dime, right?
1:28:11
Because my unconscious mind doesn't know that.
1:28:13
Information. It's a faulty system, sometimes
1:28:15
turns. Out.
1:28:16
Yeah, yeah, it's still a human being, right?
1:28:18
So it's it's definitely something that we have to we
1:28:20
treat with respect, right? We treat it like a like a young
1:28:23
child. We want to basically be loving
1:28:25
and respectful and clear, give it directions and then forgive
1:28:30
it when it gets things wrong. Use opportunities whenever
1:28:34
present to be able to build that rapport and to further integrate
1:28:37
your conscious and unconscious minds.
1:28:39
And as you go forward with this process of communicating with
1:28:42
your unconscious mind and speaking with it and build
1:28:45
rapport with it, you'll notice that it starts presenting things
1:28:47
to you as opportunities to release them.
1:28:50
So maybe sometime down the road, couple weeks, a month, month or
1:28:54
two later, that thing that you decided you had secondary gain
1:28:57
around, maybe your unconscious mind goes, hey, you know what?
1:28:59
I think it's time we can get rid of this.
1:29:01
And it comes up randomly and you just be like, cool, let's do it.
1:29:04
You hit on that because the event that we were at, at the
1:29:07
end of it, there was a fire ceremony with a couple of people
1:29:10
that were at the house and basically fire ceremony for
1:29:13
anyone who's not, you know, familiar.
1:29:14
It's not like any witch situation.
1:29:17
It's basically you write down on piece of paper the things that
1:29:19
you're releasing and that you're letting go of and you throw the
1:29:22
fire and you release them. And so it was interesting
1:29:24
because there was, there was a time actually 8 weeks before
1:29:27
that, that I had intended to release something.
1:29:31
And it was something that was, I was like consciously, like, I
1:29:33
need to let this go because it just tell the way that it was
1:29:36
impacting my life. And so at that fire ceremony, I
1:29:39
remember writing it down and I couldn't put it in the fire.
1:29:41
I wasn't ready to release it. And so I really did a similar
1:29:43
situation of reflection of like, well, why am I not able to
1:29:46
release this? And it's interesting kind of
1:29:47
back to what you noted earlier of like the emotion because my
1:29:49
body was telling me you're not done with this.
1:29:51
You're not done with this. Like it's too.
1:29:53
Soon and. So the secondary gain ended up
1:29:56
being that by being in this story, I was a victim in
1:30:01
connection to others. And so by being the victim, it
1:30:04
also meant I was being acknowledged and validated
1:30:07
constantly, which meant I was being quote UN quote seen by
1:30:10
staying a victim. And because that felt good to be
1:30:13
acknowledged, I'm like, Oh no, no, I'm going to keep this story
1:30:15
because it means that I get this acknowledged by other people.
1:30:19
And so by sitting and really again, asking the questions and
1:30:22
kind of going a little bit deeper, we then had another fire
1:30:24
ceremony. And I'm like, oh, OK, so the
1:30:26
same thing came up. Go to write it down.
1:30:28
And I'm like, Yep, this is the time.
1:30:29
Like it's going now. And that's that.
1:30:31
And it was something that I couldn't figure out.
1:30:35
There wasn't like a logistical reason why I couldn't let it go.
1:30:38
Like everything, all the T's were crossed, the IS were
1:30:41
dotted. But it was an aspect exactly to
1:30:44
your point of like there was like a secondary impact that
1:30:47
until I asked myself that question, which was like even it
1:30:50
has to be serving you in some way.
1:30:52
Even if you're not consciously choosing it to be that way, it
1:30:55
is serving you in some aspect, which is why you're holding it
1:30:58
and why you're keeping it. Yeah, yeah.
1:31:00
Process exactly as you said of like you could have a couple
1:31:02
weeks pass and then before you know it, you're like, wait a
1:31:04
second, I am done with this and I am moving on with this.
1:31:07
And it can just be the awareness of again that that secondary
1:31:12
impact of it and makes you realize, oh, OK, even though I'm
1:31:14
saying this doesn't serve me, it really is serving me in some
1:31:17
capacity. Yeah, absolutely.
1:31:19
And and I to to build on that, Kate, I would say that the
1:31:23
secondary gain is something that most people are just not aware
1:31:26
of consciously, right. And simultaneously it exists for
1:31:32
everyone. So your, your unconscious mind
1:31:35
installed whatever belief or, or decision or, or value or
1:31:38
whatever it was installed it for a reason.
1:31:41
And so for me being able to go from this place of frustration
1:31:45
with myself, like just how many times we just beat ourselves up,
1:31:49
you know, I mean, I used to like, I'd do something like, ah,
1:31:52
you fucking idiot. Like, why would you do that?
1:31:53
You know, that's negative self talking and I, that's nonsense.
1:31:57
And so for me to be able to get instead of being in this place
1:32:01
of frustration with myself to say, you know what, thank you
1:32:04
unconscious mind. I appreciate you having my best
1:32:07
interest at heart. Thank you for looking out for me
1:32:09
and try and protecting me and keeping me safe and moving me
1:32:12
forward, right? Then I move on to this other
1:32:15
conversation, which becomes, OK, what is this present for?
1:32:18
Because it doesn't seem to be serving us anymore.
1:32:20
Then how can we release it, right?
1:32:22
So there's obviously a lot more techniques than that to be able
1:32:24
to release those things, but acknowledging them and speaking
1:32:27
with one's unconscious mind is such a massive shift for most
1:32:32
people that it's going to be a huge change in the way that you
1:32:35
communicate with yourself and the way that you love yourself.
1:32:38
So the people that struggle with I'm not good enough, I'm not
1:32:41
worthy being able to tell yourself like literally because
1:32:44
you're speaking to your unconscious, right?
1:32:46
When you say thank you unconscious mind, you are
1:32:50
literally professing gratitude for yourself.
1:32:55
And so it's this beautiful shift internally that gives you this
1:32:59
ability to say, you know what, like, oh, maybe I am worthy,
1:33:02
like automatically starts to shift things.
1:33:04
And there's, there's we did talk.
1:33:06
Do you want to real quick talk about the reticular activating
1:33:09
system? Yeah, I literally, I'm like, I'm
1:33:12
going to be honest, guys. I feel like we're going to have
1:33:13
to do like a Part 2. TJ was joking before we started
1:33:16
recording. He was like, I could literally
1:33:18
go and I have gone on podcast for multiple hours and I was OK,
1:33:22
like I'm gonna keep you like a nice little little one hour
1:33:24
thing for your one hour drive or your one hour treadmill walk.
1:33:27
But even like, you know, obviously, I would obviously
1:33:30
love to have you come back and go into a Part 2 of this because
1:33:35
the understanding of this, I think is so massively powerful.
1:33:38
And even obviously in exposure to yourself and, you know,
1:33:42
mutual friends between us, understanding of these
1:33:45
principles and questions and awarenesses can have such a
1:33:50
massive impact on your perspective.
1:33:53
And from there, your perspective and your ability to solve
1:33:56
problems in front of you. Like I have literally seen TJ,
1:33:59
which is why I was like, I want people to know about his
1:34:02
coaching. I want people to know about his
1:34:03
message because I've seen him with another woman who was there
1:34:08
with us, who was sitting at the fire coaching her and her having
1:34:12
this revelation and this awareness that again, was all
1:34:15
within her. Like, it's not like he told her
1:34:17
what to do. It was more of a peeling back
1:34:19
the layers and presenting that as a mirror to her that allowed
1:34:23
her to have this massive breakthrough of something she'd
1:34:25
been struggling with for years prior to that.
1:34:28
And so the aspect of not only, yes, coaching with someone else,
1:34:32
but also the self coaching, there's so much to unpack with
1:34:34
it in the sense of principles or approaches.
1:34:36
So we will definitely be following this with a, a Part 2
1:34:39
of some kind, help you guys to fit this tactically into place.
1:34:42
TJ, if someone wants to and they're like, I'm listening to
1:34:44
this. And even before that, I feel
1:34:46
like I can have awarenesses based off today's conversation.
1:34:50
And I'm, I'm seeing things in a specific light of ways this
1:34:53
might be impacting me. Where would be the best place
1:34:56
for them to kind of connect with you and reach out if they feel
1:34:58
like they they really are needing some coaching with this?
1:35:00
Yeah, and I'd be, I'd be happy to chat with people.
1:35:03
I, I think the easiest way, e-mail support@lastbestyou.com.
1:35:09
That's the quickest way to get a hold of me.
1:35:10
I'm also on Instagram. I think it's, it's TJ Fry four O
1:35:13
6. It's such a powerful thing and a
1:35:16
beautiful thing to, to work with folks.
1:35:17
And, and I love working with entrepreneurs because ultimately
1:35:20
entrepreneurs are willing to, by and large, have to be willing to
1:35:23
accept responsibility for their own lot in life.
1:35:26
And I think that ultimately people who are in that space are
1:35:30
much more willing to be, they're much more capable of, of being
1:35:34
able to get good things out of coaching.
1:35:36
I, I, I do one-on-one coaching, yes.
1:35:39
And simultaneously I'm also very selective about who I work with
1:35:42
because I really want to give all of myself to those people
1:35:45
and make sure that they get a good experience out of it.
1:35:47
So I, I actually interview my clients at this point, which I'm
1:35:50
very fortunate for. It's just, I don't, I'm only
1:35:53
going to work with people who I know are willing to to do the
1:35:56
work. What I would suggest for
1:35:58
everybody though, because obviously coaching isn't for
1:36:00
everybody. It does require some time and
1:36:02
financial resources. There are a number of good
1:36:05
places to start #1 like we talked about, just start talking
1:36:08
with your unconscious mind. Start that dialogue because I
1:36:11
promise you, nobody else is going to do it for you.
1:36:13
And your unconscious mind has been happy for most of your
1:36:16
life. Existing in the background is
1:36:17
the operating system being totally ignored.
1:36:19
And so it's up to you to decide that this is worth a try.
1:36:24
And should you decide to do it and maybe it doesn't resonate
1:36:28
with you, that's fine, right? Like I have no attachment to
1:36:30
whether or not this clicks for everybody.
1:36:33
I am more than happy to discuss with anybody who wants to reach
1:36:36
out via e-mail or Instagram. I'd be happy to share my my
1:36:40
insights and any thoughts and feelings and whatnot that I may
1:36:43
have. I'm happy to to give some book
1:36:44
recommendations and things. It's just much more oriented
1:36:47
towards an individual. So yeah, please feel free to
1:36:50
reach out to me. I'd be more than happy to chat
1:36:51
with you. Amazing.
1:36:53
Well, thank you so much, TJ. And we'll definitely have you
1:36:55
back on because I feel like there's just.
1:36:56
I was like, yeah, he could go for hours.
1:36:58
And I'm like, no, we could literally go for hours because.
1:37:00
There's just so. Much So thank you so much and as
1:37:04
always, you guys stay ambitious and we will see you next week.