Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Another Lonely Bachelorette

Transcript

Another Lonely Bachelorette · I Do, Part 2

0:15
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, it's your other host for I Do Part two,
0:18
Speaker 1: Jana Kramer. I'm jumping in. I love tearing Elizabeth's story.
0:22
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for her. But we have someone else
0:25
Speaker 1: that we're going to have on. She's a listener of
0:27
Speaker 1: I Do Part two and she's actually really good friends
0:30
Speaker 1: with Elizabeth, so I'm really excited to get her on.
0:32
Speaker 1: But first I want to play you Rebecca's voice memo
0:36
Speaker 1: that she's sent in to be on the show. Let's
0:39
Speaker 1: give it a listen him.
0:40
Speaker 2: My name is Rebecca. I listened to your podcast and
0:43
Speaker 2: I would be interested in participating. Thank you.
0:47
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, short and sweet, and she just is
0:49
Speaker 1: like ready to get into it. So let's do it.
0:51
Speaker 1: Let's get Rebecca on and let's help her find some love.
0:56
Speaker 2: Hey, how are you. I'm good.
0:59
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be talking to you. We just
1:02
Speaker 1: listened to your voice memo and I loved it because
1:05
Speaker 1: it was like, hey, I listened to the show. I
1:07
Speaker 1: want to be on, Like, let's do this. It was
1:10
Speaker 1: just like very to the point, very like very direct,
1:13
Speaker 1: and I'm here for that. So we had the first
1:17
Speaker 1: part of the show, we had your girlfriend Elizabeth on,
1:20
Speaker 1: and obviously she was from the Bachelor too, And then
1:24
Speaker 1: I was reading your stuff and you were you were
1:27
Speaker 1: also on the Bachelor, you were on Brad season. How
1:31
Speaker 1: did you guys meet because you were on different seasons.
1:34
Speaker 2: So after you get off the show, you're part of
1:37
Speaker 2: this like crazy bachelor family, right, and you get invited
1:41
Speaker 2: to all the events. And so I was invited to
1:45
Speaker 2: a charity event and it was like a clean up
1:48
Speaker 2: the beach in Venice kind of a thing, and so
1:52
Speaker 2: we were both at that same event together.
1:55
Speaker 1: Okay, and then it was just like fast friends or.
1:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I act actually saw Elizabeth walking down the
2:02
Speaker 2: beach and I was like, oh gosh, not this girl.
2:04
Speaker 2: She was like so caddy on the show, and she
2:07
Speaker 2: just was portrayed really bad. And she knows as I've
2:10
Speaker 2: told her this, and I was like, oh, don't pair
2:12
Speaker 2: me with her. And then we were paired together. But
2:15
Speaker 2: she's amazing. She's not who they portrayed on the show,
2:18
Speaker 2: and she's such a sweetheart. We've been best friends for
2:21
Speaker 2: fourteen years. We've been through everything together. So yeah, it's
2:25
Speaker 2: been amazing to have her in my life. I'm so
2:28
Speaker 2: glad we were paired.
2:29
Speaker 1: Together, right, I know, it's interesting God's little interventions. So
2:35
Speaker 1: you you got sent home the first night? Is that
2:38
Speaker 1: what I read on Brad's I did what? Okay? What
2:43
Speaker 1: was that like? What was that feeling like? And then
2:46
Speaker 1: also why do you think you were sent home on
2:48
Speaker 1: the first night? Is there something where is this a
2:51
Speaker 1: thing in your dating world where you're like, maybe I
2:53
Speaker 1: didn't put forth more effort or what do you think
2:58
Speaker 1: it was?
2:59
Speaker 2: So going on the first night is a little deflating
3:03
Speaker 2: because there's so much work up to it that you
3:05
Speaker 2: spend months talking to producers and just like them prepping
3:09
Speaker 2: you and getting you ready for the show, and then
3:11
Speaker 2: you get there and it's night one and you're so
3:13
Speaker 2: excited meeting all the girls, Like everyone was super nice.
3:18
Speaker 2: I really wanted to stay for that. I liked the
3:21
Speaker 2: pressure that I was fielding. I wasn't looking to be
3:24
Speaker 2: on a reality TV show. I just felt like this
3:27
Speaker 2: was God's funny plan to like introduce me to my husband,
3:30
Speaker 2: Like Okay, cool, I'm going to go on some show.
3:34
Speaker 2: And I feel like maybe I wasn't reality TV enough
3:38
Speaker 2: for them, Like the producers kind of wanted me do
3:41
Speaker 2: a little bit more like chasing around. I was the
3:45
Speaker 2: first person in Bachelor history to kiss the guy right
3:47
Speaker 2: out of the limo, and I feel like it was
3:50
Speaker 2: then like, Okay, now I want you to go find
3:52
Speaker 2: him and kiss him again. I'm like, that's not me,
3:54
Speaker 2: Like I want to be authentic to who I am
3:57
Speaker 2: and not put on, you know, a show. So I
4:00
Speaker 2: kind of feel like that's why I went home because
4:02
Speaker 2: I wasn't kind of doing what they wanted me to do.
4:05
Speaker 2: But it was a fun experience, all right.
4:09
Speaker 1: So post a Bachelor, then you ended up. How long
4:15
Speaker 1: were you married for with your with your husband who.
4:17
Speaker 2: Was with my ex first seven years? Well we were
4:19
Speaker 2: married for seven years.
4:20
Speaker 1: Seven years, Okay. When I was reading your breakdown, I
4:24
Speaker 1: was just like, oh, I relate so much to your
4:29
Speaker 1: story because it said, you know, you were set up
4:32
Speaker 1: with your ex husband right after the Bachelor. They dated
4:34
Speaker 1: for a little over a year, then you broke up.
4:36
Speaker 1: I'm curious, and then you found out you're pregnant, so
4:38
Speaker 1: then you guys reconciled. What why did you guys break up?
4:41
Speaker 2: In the beginning, I just had this intuition. I just
4:46
Speaker 2: felt like he was cheating on me and there was
4:48
Speaker 2: a lot of lies. The relationship was super dysfunctional. But
4:52
Speaker 2: I was so lost. I didn't I was broke down.
4:56
Speaker 2: My self esteem was completely gone. I felt like, this
4:58
Speaker 2: is the best I can do. I'm thirty years old.
5:00
Speaker 2: I want to be married and have kids, and this
5:03
Speaker 2: is what's out there, so, you know, and I finally
5:08
Speaker 2: listened to my gut and said I'm out. I can't
5:10
Speaker 2: do this anymore. This is not right. And I felt
5:13
Speaker 2: like this overwhelming peace and relief when it was done.
5:18
Speaker 2: And then I found out two days later that I
5:20
Speaker 2: was pregnant, and I was like, oh gosh, what do
5:24
Speaker 2: I do now?
5:25
Speaker 1: This is I mean truly the same kind of story too.
5:29
Speaker 1: I was thirty, I really wanted to have kids, and
5:32
Speaker 1: so it was that. But I had just found out
5:34
Speaker 1: that he cheated on me, and we were only d
5:36
Speaker 1: we only dated for gosh, like a month before I
5:39
Speaker 1: found out that he cheated on me the first time.
5:43
Speaker 1: And if that wasn't the biggest red flag ever, but
5:47
Speaker 1: I really, truly I was like, well, I'm thirty, I
5:49
Speaker 1: really want to have kids, and I you know, people
5:52
Speaker 1: make mistakes, and lord, I've made a million. And so
5:55
Speaker 1: I tried to kind of talk my way through his stuff,
6:02
Speaker 1: but then, you know, same with you. You married for
6:06
Speaker 1: seven years, ex husband had ten plus affairs, And I
6:09
Speaker 1: was just like, oh my gosh, I'm like, am I
6:11
Speaker 1: reading my own story? Because I mean what I know
6:15
Speaker 1: of in the first one was thirteen in the first
6:18
Speaker 1: year of our marriage. So then women after that were
6:23
Speaker 1: you know, I think I know of like five or
6:26
Speaker 1: six more. But I mean when there's fifteen, you know,
6:32
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, but for you, when was the
6:35
Speaker 1: first time that you caught him in an affair or
6:39
Speaker 1: did he tell you? Like, what was that?
6:41
Speaker 2: Like? Now? I he had to actually just come back.
6:44
Speaker 2: He's a fireman. He plays bagpipes, and he was at
6:47
Speaker 2: a bagpipe event for several days and then came home
6:51
Speaker 2: and that night his phone was laying on his chest
6:55
Speaker 2: and it was lit up. In the middle of the night,
6:57
Speaker 2: I went, I got up. We had a gosh. Brindley
7:00
Speaker 2: was six weeks old, still sleeping in our room and
7:04
Speaker 2: a bouncy thing on the floor, and he picked his
7:08
Speaker 2: phone up and put it on the night stand and
7:11
Speaker 2: saw mistext from Kyle and I was like, Okay, cool,
7:15
Speaker 2: who's Kyle? Went to the bathroom, came back and just
7:19
Speaker 2: this gut feeling like, go look at his phone, and
7:22
Speaker 2: I never felt that way before. I would have never
7:24
Speaker 2: been a million years thought he would cheat. And so
7:27
Speaker 2: I picked up the phone and took it downstairs and
7:29
Speaker 2: it happened to be unlocked, which was never like he
7:32
Speaker 2: always had a lock like a password on it. I
7:36
Speaker 2: was able to find several different women that he had
7:38
Speaker 2: been texting extremely inappropriate things while he's laying in bed
7:42
Speaker 2: next to me. I confronted him that night about it, and.
7:50
Speaker 1: How many years into the marriage was that?
7:52
Speaker 2: This was a year? One year I got pregnant just
7:58
Speaker 2: after we got married to our with our second child,
8:03
Speaker 2: and she was six weeks, so it had just been
8:04
Speaker 2: a year or jess under just barely shy of a year.
8:09
Speaker 2: But he swore it was never in person, it was
8:12
Speaker 2: only text messages. It would never happen again. So I
8:16
Speaker 2: kind of just kept this dirty little secret and.
8:18
Speaker 1: My eyes lies lies, liesless.
8:20
Speaker 2: And then a year later he took me to a
8:23
Speaker 2: mountaintop and like confessed that he had lied and he
8:27
Speaker 2: had been seeing these women. And I basically did a
8:30
Speaker 2: tell all, like you have a one day get at
8:33
Speaker 2: a jail free card. I need to know everything, the
8:36
Speaker 2: skills of eath, anything for tomorrow or I'm gone, and
8:40
Speaker 2: I just sat there counting, like, oh my gosh, how
8:43
Speaker 2: many more are there? Like this is insane? So there
8:47
Speaker 2: was ten he admitted to that day, and then I
8:51
Speaker 2: said for five years trying to fix the marriage, because
8:55
Speaker 2: of course, if I could be perfect, and I could
8:57
Speaker 2: be good enough, and I could have the cleanest house
9:00
Speaker 2: and the best kids and be in the best shape
9:02
Speaker 2: and all the things, he would love me right, he
9:04
Speaker 2: would choose me. I always chose him, and I found
9:10
Speaker 2: again women on his phone five years later, and that
9:15
Speaker 2: was I mean, I can't continue in that cycle. So
9:19
Speaker 2: he actually a mutual friend of ours recently asked him like, hey, man,
9:23
Speaker 2: you know Rebecca says you've been cheating who you cheated
9:26
Speaker 2: on her and that's why she left. And he was like,
9:28
Speaker 2: oh gosh, I lost track of how many people I
9:30
Speaker 2: cheated on her with like it was something right about Wow.
9:33
Speaker 1: I feel like it's one extreme or the other. I
9:35
Speaker 1: remember my ex when I did my table talk with
9:39
Speaker 1: Jada Pinkett Smith, the girl he was dating at the time,
9:43
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, thirteen women, I'd love to know who
9:45
Speaker 1: those were. And I'm like, so it's like they either
9:47
Speaker 1: lie I'm like, oh, oh, would you like to go
9:50
Speaker 1: back because I can pull up the rolodex. I called
9:54
Speaker 1: all of them. Yeah, it's kind of on the phone
9:57
Speaker 1: or you know, or they just yeah, I'm like that,
10:00
Speaker 1: what is that? Like? Why is that? It's not a
10:03
Speaker 1: bragging right dude? You know, like, that's not something to
10:05
Speaker 1: brag about.
10:06
Speaker 2: Totally. I didn't. And I actually told our friend, like,
10:09
Speaker 2: you can ask him if you really want to, I go,
10:11
Speaker 2: but he's not gonna. Why would he admit that? Would
10:14
Speaker 2: you admit that it makes you look bad? And then
10:16
Speaker 2: that he bragged about it? I was like, Wow, Okay,
10:19
Speaker 2: I guess he's admitting it.
10:31
Speaker 1: Did he ever come out to say that he was
10:33
Speaker 1: a sex addict or he had a problem or what
10:36
Speaker 1: was his excuse I guess, or what was his rationalization
10:41
Speaker 1: with it all?
10:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, So after he admitted to the affairs, he started
10:47
Speaker 2: going to a sex addict therapist, and he had all
10:50
Speaker 2: these things in place. He was gonna go to therapy
10:54
Speaker 2: and go to recovery and go to he was you know,
10:57
Speaker 2: we joined like a life group with our church, and
11:00
Speaker 2: he was all in just going to be the best
11:02
Speaker 2: husband ever and deal with his past and a lot
11:06
Speaker 2: of it's you know, blamed on the upbringing and daddy
11:10
Speaker 2: issues and things like that. So it was never like
11:12
Speaker 2: he never really took I guess like blame for it.
11:17
Speaker 2: It was always someone else's fault as to why that
11:20
Speaker 2: was happening, why he was people choices.
11:22
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you had to go through that, because
11:24
Speaker 1: I mean, it is the worst, worst pain possible, especially
11:29
Speaker 1: since you have you know, two beautiful daughters, and you know,
11:33
Speaker 1: I definitely get it's it's so hard and for the
11:35
Speaker 1: longest time I stayed for my kids. And then realizing
11:38
Speaker 1: the last time I found out about the next round
11:41
Speaker 1: of affairs was my again breaking point because after a while,
11:45
Speaker 1: you're like, all right, this is a seven year cycle.
11:48
Speaker 1: He's not changing. Yeah, his words are just now I
11:52
Speaker 1: don't believe anything he says because every time it just
11:55
Speaker 1: keeps happening again and again, and you wonder, you know,
11:58
Speaker 1: I still there were times when I'm like, maybe this
12:01
Speaker 1: time is the time he's going to change, maybe like
12:04
Speaker 1: he finally realized it. But then you just come to
12:06
Speaker 1: that I don't actually even care if he does, because
12:09
Speaker 1: I can't stick around to find out. Yep. And for
12:14
Speaker 1: you you know, now that you've been You've been single
12:17
Speaker 1: for how many years? Two years?
12:20
Speaker 2: I've been single for four. Our divorce has been final
12:23
Speaker 2: for two, but I left four years ago.
12:25
Speaker 1: Okay, have you been in serious relationships since your divorce?
12:31
Speaker 2: I would say one, maybe semi serious relationship. It didn't
12:36
Speaker 2: last long, but we were friends for like six months
12:40
Speaker 2: prior to actually getting into the relationship, and so the
12:44
Speaker 2: feelings came on pretty pretty quickly since we had known
12:48
Speaker 2: each other for so long. But sure, just the one.
12:51
Speaker 2: And where are you at now with love? Do you
12:54
Speaker 2: do you want to find love? Do you want to
12:56
Speaker 2: get married again? You know?
12:58
Speaker 1: Where? Where are you at with that?
13:00
Speaker 2: Yeah? I do? Actually, I believe in marriage. I think
13:04
Speaker 2: that there are good people out there. I don't believe
13:06
Speaker 2: everyone is my ex. I've been through a lot. I did, gosh,
13:12
Speaker 2: three or four years of trauma therapy. I could gamdr
13:16
Speaker 2: to just work through triggers and all of that. I everything,
13:21
Speaker 2: So I finally feel like I'm like a whole, complete person.
13:24
Speaker 2: I feel like in the beginning I didn't want to
13:25
Speaker 2: jump into something because I didn't want to bring my
13:27
Speaker 2: past into my current relationship. But yeah, I just I
13:35
Speaker 2: struggle with believing that I'm picking the right person. I
13:39
Speaker 2: was so tricked the first time, and I don't I mean,
13:44
Speaker 2: I just don't trust that I'm going to pick someone
13:46
Speaker 2: who's not going to completely love bomb me, and then
13:49
Speaker 2: I'm going to find out, you know, when it's too
13:51
Speaker 2: late that oh wait, this isn't who I thought he was.
13:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it definitely is really hard to trust
13:57
Speaker 1: yourself post divorce. I mean I kind of fell into
14:00
Speaker 1: that same thing where after I got divorced. I essentially
14:04
Speaker 1: picked kind of the same dude after my divorce, and then,
14:10
Speaker 1: you know what my therapist always said, though, is you know,
14:14
Speaker 1: in that situation, I go, god, I failed again. I
14:16
Speaker 1: picked someone that was so similar and it was not
14:20
Speaker 1: who he said he was. And she goes, but you
14:23
Speaker 1: figured it out sooner this time, you know, you're not
14:25
Speaker 1: seven years in. She's like, you were a couple of
14:27
Speaker 1: months in. And she's like, and you were able to
14:29
Speaker 1: see the red flags and you were able to get out.
14:30
Speaker 1: She's like, that is in itself, you know, victory, right,
14:36
Speaker 1: and like you're like, you're you have that right there
14:39
Speaker 1: proves that you can trust yourself a little bit, and
14:42
Speaker 1: then you can trust yourself more than every time you
14:45
Speaker 1: do it, and I think I have a girlfriend right now.
14:47
Speaker 1: That's also you know, she's newly divorced and she's dating
14:50
Speaker 1: and it's almost just like I told her, I said,
14:54
Speaker 1: go out and just meet as many people take inventory
14:56
Speaker 1: of it all, you know, like see what you actually
14:58
Speaker 1: want because when she was in a long marriage for
15:00
Speaker 1: a long time and she's like the guys and what
15:03
Speaker 1: I've noticed too, and what you probably can see with
15:06
Speaker 1: your ex now is like they showed you who they
15:09
Speaker 1: were all along. It was just up to us to
15:12
Speaker 1: to really go, Okay, this is this is who they are,
15:16
Speaker 1: not what they smoke clouds of who they were making
15:19
Speaker 1: them up to be.
15:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe what they show you and not they Yeah.
15:24
Speaker 1: Well, and that's like how I think with trust. Everyone's like,
15:26
Speaker 1: how do you trust your husband now? And I'm like,
15:27
Speaker 1: for me, it's he says what he like, he he
15:31
Speaker 1: does what he says, and he says what he does,
15:34
Speaker 1: you know, like he's his words and his actions match
15:36
Speaker 1: every single day, And that to me is how I
15:39
Speaker 1: can trust you know my husband now because before my
15:43
Speaker 1: ex husband, there was his words and actions never aligned ever,
15:47
Speaker 1: which is why I was like, but and then I
15:48
Speaker 1: was made to feel like the crazy one. I'm like,
15:50
Speaker 1: but you said this you're doing how, like, how does
15:53
Speaker 1: this make sense?
15:55
Speaker 2: Yeah?
15:55
Speaker 1: Because it never It's just like crazy making and then
15:57
Speaker 1: they make us feel crazy.
15:59
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I didn't say that. I said this, and
16:02
Speaker 2: that's not how this happened. Sometimes I just wanted like
16:04
Speaker 2: cameras on the walls, like, you know, I want to
16:06
Speaker 2: play back the film. That's not what you said. This
16:09
Speaker 2: is not how this went down. Why do I feel
16:11
Speaker 2: like a crazy person? Did I say that? You start
16:13
Speaker 2: to like question your own sanity.
16:17
Speaker 1: In the world of dating? Now are you? Are you
16:20
Speaker 1: on apps?
16:21
Speaker 2: Like?
16:21
Speaker 1: What are you doing to get out there?
16:23
Speaker 2: Todate? No? I did the apps. I hate the apps.
16:28
Speaker 2: They're awful. I feel like, I don't know, it's like
16:32
Speaker 2: a diamond and a rough you know, it's so hard
16:34
Speaker 2: to find someone who genuinely wants be in a relationship,
16:38
Speaker 2: and it's more of like a hookup culture on the
16:41
Speaker 2: apps or ghosting, Like you start talking to someone all
16:43
Speaker 2: of a sudden, you're like, where did you go? I
16:45
Speaker 2: thought we were having a really good conversation. Now you're gone.
16:49
Speaker 2: So I got off the apps about eight nine months ago,
16:54
Speaker 2: and I don't know, like where do you meet people?
16:57
Speaker 2: Like I always say I want to meet someone in
16:58
Speaker 2: the wild and the grocery store. Like I feel like
17:04
Speaker 2: in my twenties, people would approach you, like, you know,
17:07
Speaker 2: at the bars or when you're just out doing life.
17:11
Speaker 2: And I go out by myself all the time, Like
17:14
Speaker 2: I when I don't have my kids, I can't just
17:17
Speaker 2: stay cooped up in the house, and so I'll go
17:19
Speaker 2: out to a bar or restaurant and have dinner and
17:22
Speaker 2: sit by myself and nobody.
17:24
Speaker 1: Oh I would love that, really nobody. Ever, that doesn't
17:29
Speaker 1: mean I really find that hard to believe because you're
17:32
Speaker 1: you're beautiful, and the fact that you're going out there too,
17:34
Speaker 1: it shows you have confidence to go sit there and
17:36
Speaker 1: have you know, dinner by yourself. And are you the
17:40
Speaker 1: kind of person that will approach somebody else?
17:42
Speaker 2: I don't, sort of like I so like I encourage
17:47
Speaker 2: my friends to when we're out, like, oh, you see
17:49
Speaker 2: a cute guy, go talk to him. But then I
17:52
Speaker 2: have this like old school mentality. I want to be pursued,
17:54
Speaker 2: Like I want someone to have of confidence to come
17:56
Speaker 2: out to me and to like just boldly be like, hey,
18:00
Speaker 2: let's talk, let's go hang out, let's have dinner together
18:02
Speaker 2: or something. So don't know if that feels like pursuing
18:06
Speaker 2: someone else. If I'm like, hey, let's talk.
18:11
Speaker 1: Well, here's an interesting thought. Because you live in California, right,
18:15
Speaker 1: mm hmm, okay, Well, I'm going to be in California
18:19
Speaker 1: for the iHeart jingle Ball Fest. So is your friend Elizabeth,
18:23
Speaker 1: and so is my friend Kelly Bensimon. So would you
18:29
Speaker 1: want to come? Actually, let's get Can we get Kelly on?
18:32
Speaker 1: And then maybe we can entice you to come to
18:33
Speaker 1: jingle Ball with us, and then we can try to
18:35
Speaker 1: set you up with someone. Does that sound like a
18:37
Speaker 1: plant's let's get Kelly on?
18:41
Speaker 2: Kelly.
18:41
Speaker 1: Whenever I feel like whenever I find someone that has
18:45
Speaker 1: been that has the similar pass like I've had with
18:48
Speaker 1: the cheating ex husband for multiple, multiple, multiple years and
18:51
Speaker 1: multiple women, I have this like rideer die vibe that
18:56
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to just go out and find help,
18:59
Speaker 1: find you love because I feel like I got lucky
19:02
Speaker 1: with my aftermath of that terrible traumatic years of my
19:07
Speaker 1: life that I'm like, Kelly, can we gotta help my girl?
19:11
Speaker 1: Rebecca out?
19:12
Speaker 2: Hi?
19:12
Speaker 3: Rebecca?
19:13
Speaker 2: How are you hello?
19:15
Speaker 1: Should we all go to jingle ball and then just
19:17
Speaker 1: pimp out our girl Rebecca and just see what she's
19:21
Speaker 1: doing wrong, help her because I am like world's best
19:24
Speaker 1: wing woman.
19:24
Speaker 3: So, oh my god, me too. I am like there
19:27
Speaker 3: for you.
19:28
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but Kelly, you're also single though, so
19:30
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna have to like, we're gonna have to,
19:32
Speaker 1: like you know, to find you guys.
19:35
Speaker 2: Three Elizabeth will be there. We need three good guys.
19:38
Speaker 3: Yes, RecA, It's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna
19:40
Speaker 3: have the best time. And you know what, you know,
19:42
Speaker 3: what the thing is too, is like when you're in
19:44
Speaker 3: a good mood with with fun with friends that you
19:47
Speaker 3: really like, then you meet like really great people. So
19:50
Speaker 3: I'm super excited to hang out with you and we're
19:54
Speaker 3: gonna have the best time.
19:55
Speaker 1: Rebecca, are you in?
19:57
Speaker 2: I'm in?
19:57
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I love this so much. It's another
20:00
Speaker 1: opportunity to put yourself in a place where you might
20:04
Speaker 1: not have gone. And then the fact that you know
20:08
Speaker 1: all of us girls will be there, so we'll be
20:09
Speaker 1: we'll be definitely routin me on what are you most
20:22
Speaker 1: nervous about with finding your next love? And then what
20:26
Speaker 1: are you most looking.
20:27
Speaker 2: Forward to, like I said, nervous about the red flags
20:31
Speaker 2: like just not seeing something and somebody kind of getting
20:36
Speaker 2: stuck in that like moving too fast, because when you
20:40
Speaker 2: really like someone, you know, like it tends to go quickly.
20:43
Speaker 2: But I don't want I don't want to like rush
20:45
Speaker 2: into the next relationship. But I also don't want to
20:48
Speaker 2: like put my last relationship like in the forefront of
20:53
Speaker 2: my new one, right, I don't want to hold that
20:55
Speaker 2: against the next person, where like they do something and
21:00
Speaker 2: I'm comparing it to my last relationship. Do they do
21:03
Speaker 2: You ever get to the point where you're not just
21:05
Speaker 2: like looking for red flags the entire time you're dating somebody.
21:09
Speaker 1: Hmm, I mean yeah, I was looking like for the
21:12
Speaker 1: first couple probably. I mean mine only lasted for the
21:16
Speaker 1: first couple of months. I feel like I moved maybe
21:19
Speaker 1: only like the first month. I was like trying to
21:21
Speaker 1: figure out the red flags. But when when I wasn't
21:24
Speaker 1: finding any, and I'm like, all right, I'm jumping all
21:26
Speaker 1: like head in because I feel like everyone's or feet first.
21:28
Speaker 1: But everyone always says, well, don't go too fast, don't
21:31
Speaker 1: go too fast. But I also know people that have
21:32
Speaker 1: met someone and fast and then they have the most
21:37
Speaker 1: amazing marriage years years in. So yeah, I jumped in
21:40
Speaker 1: fast with my ex too, but it was so different
21:43
Speaker 1: from my now husband.
21:44
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, there's like that confidence he felt peace that
21:48
Speaker 2: like he was a yeah that he was Yeah, I.
21:51
Speaker 1: Mean I agree.
21:52
Speaker 3: I agree too, Like right now, like you and I
21:54
Speaker 3: and Rebecca are in the same kind of headspace, and
21:58
Speaker 3: you know, I just am like open to meeting new people,
22:02
Speaker 3: and I haven't really like I thought about you know,
22:07
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to put any like boundaries or parameters
22:11
Speaker 3: on anyone. I'm just trying to be like, Okay, I'm
22:14
Speaker 3: really interested and I want to know more about you.
22:16
Speaker 3: And my friends are saying to me, you have to
22:18
Speaker 3: ask questions. So I'm not a question asker. I am
22:22
Speaker 3: a just like hang out with you kind of feel
22:25
Speaker 3: who you are. But I'm not like, why did you
22:28
Speaker 3: guys seech forced what was your last marriage? Like you know,
22:30
Speaker 3: I'm just.
22:30
Speaker 1: Noth my god, I am so that person. I'm like,
22:33
Speaker 1: why what happened? Would you? Did you? Did you do that?
22:35
Speaker 1: Like I have to know every and that's that's like
22:38
Speaker 1: maybe my toxic trade. I don't know, but I just like,
22:40
Speaker 1: let's get to it because I don't want to waste
22:42
Speaker 1: my time. I've got two kids at home, Like, I'm
22:43
Speaker 1: not wasting not wasting any time.
22:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, how soon do you, like do you introduce your
22:50
Speaker 2: kids to? Like I feel like when you have feelings
22:52
Speaker 2: for someone, like I don't want to fall in love
22:54
Speaker 2: with someone, and then like introduce some of my kids
22:55
Speaker 2: and my kids and that person don't chibe and I'm like, sorry,
22:58
Speaker 2: see you, what do you do with that?
23:02
Speaker 1: I I kind of always did like the three month rule.
23:04
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was, and so I only
23:07
Speaker 1: introduced them to you know, so an X and then
23:11
Speaker 1: my now husband, but I was yeah, three months is
23:14
Speaker 1: kind of what I was, but my ex and I
23:19
Speaker 1: kind of agreed to. But it's more, it's hard because
23:23
Speaker 1: when you're in your forties, I feel like things just
23:25
Speaker 1: move faster anyways, at least for me it did, because
23:29
Speaker 1: it's like you just cut the bullshit and you go
23:30
Speaker 1: straight too. All right, what does this look like? And
23:34
Speaker 1: because you have to be I feel like you have
23:36
Speaker 1: to cut the bullshit when you've got kids.
23:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dating with a purpose. I'm not just dating
23:41
Speaker 2: for fun, Like I'm dating exactly to meet someone longer.
23:44
Speaker 1: We're not on tender you know what I mean.
23:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, So my kids are so much older. They're you know,
23:50
Speaker 3: twenty four and twenty six, and so they're the ones
23:55
Speaker 3: that when we're out, they're like, Mommy, he's good looking, Mommy,
23:58
Speaker 3: he looks like something that you would like. And so
24:00
Speaker 3: it's weird because like they're with me, and I'm like, no, no,
24:04
Speaker 3: you're not supposed to be like out here with me
24:06
Speaker 3: in the jungle. You guys are supposed to be like
24:08
Speaker 3: forging your own path, like leave me alone. But it's
24:11
Speaker 3: been really sweet to see them. But when they were younger,
24:15
Speaker 3: like you know, I mean, I you know, work with
24:17
Speaker 3: a lot of different men and people, and you know,
24:19
Speaker 3: they never even thought for one minute like if I
24:22
Speaker 3: was dating someone and less until like they came to
24:25
Speaker 3: like dinner, like we would have like a dinner and
24:27
Speaker 3: be like, oh, like you know, which want to all
24:29
Speaker 3: have fun. And but I never like made like an
24:33
Speaker 3: actual introduction until you know, I was, I was, you know,
24:39
Speaker 3: really considering being with them and I and you know,
24:41
Speaker 3: even with my last relationship, you know, he had kids
24:44
Speaker 3: and I just was like, hold off on the kids.
24:47
Speaker 3: Let's you know, I'm not you know, Barbie let's just
24:50
Speaker 3: keep everything. Like, you know, I'm not the fun friend
24:53
Speaker 3: over here. Like all the kids, you know, when they're younger,
24:55
Speaker 3: they're like, oh, she hare a babysit. I'm like, no, no, not.
24:59
Speaker 2: She could be.
25:02
Speaker 3: One guy went on a date with for Halloween and
25:04
Speaker 3: I was bam bam and his little daughter was like,
25:07
Speaker 3: my babysitter is here.
25:08
Speaker 2: Oh no no, no, no no no. I'm not the
25:11
Speaker 2: baby hitter. So that means another question, Like, so everyone
25:15
Speaker 2: parents so differently, Like I diated this guy, So the
25:19
Speaker 2: guy that I was in a relationship with, like, we
25:21
Speaker 2: parented very different. It's like when is it okay like
25:25
Speaker 2: or is it okay to like step in and be like, hey,
25:28
Speaker 2: something's got to change here, like in order to mingle
25:32
Speaker 2: two families together, right in order to have like he
25:35
Speaker 2: has kids, I have kids, and we're gonna parent and
25:37
Speaker 2: be married. Like when do you start like disciplining someone
25:42
Speaker 2: else's kids or having a say in how they parent
25:45
Speaker 2: or I mean both ways. I'm not a perfect parent.
25:48
Speaker 2: None of us are perfect. Your parent were winging it,
25:50
Speaker 2: but like you get involved.
25:53
Speaker 1: I feel like my my husband did a good a
25:57
Speaker 1: good job with that where he it took him. I mean,
26:02
Speaker 1: he's just now is because because I've asked him too,
26:05
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I can't always be because the kids
26:07
Speaker 1: are with me seventy percent of the time, with us
26:08
Speaker 1: seventy percent of the time, so they're only at their
26:11
Speaker 1: dads like eight days a month, and so it's like
26:14
Speaker 1: for us, it's like, I'm like, I can't be the
26:16
Speaker 1: only person that is disciplining the kids because then they're
26:20
Speaker 1: not going to even want to be here because if
26:21
Speaker 1: I'm always like guys, guys, guys and riding them all
26:23
Speaker 1: the time. So it's like, Alan, I really need you
26:25
Speaker 1: to step in and like when you hear Julia or Jace,
26:29
Speaker 1: you know, start to mouth off or do something. And
26:32
Speaker 1: they're really good kids, so it's not like that a lot,
26:34
Speaker 1: but still I'm like I need, like I need that
26:36
Speaker 1: support so that I'm not the only parent doing that.
26:39
Speaker 1: And so he's like, yeah, now that you know we're
26:41
Speaker 1: married and you know, but it's not a mom still
26:44
Speaker 1: has that like at the end of the day, we're
26:47
Speaker 1: still the ones that are like, guys, stop it or
26:50
Speaker 1: let's go or you know. But I think it's just
26:54
Speaker 1: in time, you'll know, they'll and they'll know and you'll
26:58
Speaker 1: know when the right time is to be like, hey,
27:00
Speaker 1: doesn't fly here, or we don't do that or so
27:02
Speaker 1: I think it's it's I don't think there's like a
27:04
Speaker 1: time per se. But I think it's just more of
27:07
Speaker 1: like a I don't think it's I don't think the
27:10
Speaker 1: guys should come right in and start disciplining the second
27:12
Speaker 1: they move into the house or start being run your kids.
27:14
Speaker 1: You know, obviously that wouldn't be cool because then they're
27:17
Speaker 1: not gonna like the guy. But I think it's just
27:20
Speaker 1: it's a it's a gradual thing.
27:22
Speaker 3: I guess, like when my kids were younger, you know,
27:24
Speaker 3: we also just to give them a framework. I used
27:26
Speaker 3: to like always say, like Ben's Simons have rules. We
27:30
Speaker 3: do s things in a certain way. And so then
27:34
Speaker 3: my kids would then say, Ben Simons have rules, this
27:37
Speaker 3: is what we do. So it was interesting because like
27:40
Speaker 3: it was the different dynamic my kids were saying, this
27:42
Speaker 3: is how we do things. This is our framework. Basically,
27:45
Speaker 3: like you either come on board with that or we're
27:49
Speaker 3: not gonna I guess they're like, you have to meet
27:55
Speaker 3: my kids. I mean, oh my god, I'm back at two.
27:57
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet them.
27:58
Speaker 3: They're such great kids. But I've been so lucky that
28:01
Speaker 3: they were so just solid, just very especially living in
28:06
Speaker 3: New York. I mean, I think that raising kids in
28:08
Speaker 3: New York is just like very very difficult, and I
28:11
Speaker 3: was just really proud to raise them and to have
28:14
Speaker 3: them be who they are. But you know, they I
28:16
Speaker 3: kept instilling in them like Ben Simones have rules, and
28:20
Speaker 3: I would say that around my acts as kids, like
28:23
Speaker 3: Ben Simones have rules and this is what we do
28:25
Speaker 3: and this is how we do things. That's not like
28:28
Speaker 3: their rules. That's like here's our framework. If you guys
28:31
Speaker 3: want to come and play in our sandbox, like, this
28:33
Speaker 3: is what we do.
28:35
Speaker 2: So that's what I did.
28:36
Speaker 3: But I think it's always like yes that like you
28:39
Speaker 3: don't know until you're in it, do you know what
28:42
Speaker 3: I mean? Like you might feel really loving, you might
28:45
Speaker 3: be like, oh my god, this person needs you know,
28:47
Speaker 3: like you know, we're nurturing and we want.
28:50
Speaker 2: You know, the best for the kids.
28:51
Speaker 3: And but sometimes you know, the fathers they really do know.
28:55
Speaker 3: I mean, sometimes they're really good about parenting kids, and
28:58
Speaker 3: sometimes they're like, oh, these are the rules, and like
29:00
Speaker 3: you don't even have kids, you don't know what the rules,
29:02
Speaker 3: You don't know what you're talking about. Just enjoy, Just
29:05
Speaker 3: enjoy the family and have fun and like eat the cookies.
29:08
Speaker 1: And go home. Yeah, and I think, you know, to
29:11
Speaker 1: not get ahead of ourselves either where it's like let's
29:15
Speaker 1: just baby, not baby, step it in, but let's just
29:18
Speaker 1: you know, the first step is getting you to iHeart
29:21
Speaker 1: jingle ball, and then after that it's finding connecting you
29:25
Speaker 1: with someone that a deserves your love and that is
29:28
Speaker 1: worthy of your love and that will protect your heart
29:32
Speaker 1: and all this because you know, like you said, and
29:35
Speaker 1: I agree to not every not every man is like
29:38
Speaker 1: our ex and so you know that's the mission is
29:42
Speaker 1: to go to go, you know, find to find the
29:46
Speaker 1: love that we all deserve because they are out there
29:49
Speaker 1: and maybe we just you know, we were looking at
29:54
Speaker 1: the signs and we didn't really pay attention to them
29:57
Speaker 1: as we should. But now we are paying attention, and
30:01
Speaker 1: you know, I think that's what's important now is we
30:03
Speaker 1: have a better set of eyes on things.
30:06
Speaker 3: Nice and we're you and I are in it together, Rebecca.
30:09
Speaker 3: So it's like anytime you're like, oh my god, that
30:11
Speaker 3: reminds me of something like I'm here for you. So
30:15
Speaker 3: you know we can talk about talk about talk through.
30:19
Speaker 3: You know, I'm going to be a good sounding board
30:21
Speaker 3: for you because we're like on the same level and
30:24
Speaker 3: you know we're both going through it together. So you
30:27
Speaker 3: know what, I'm going to need you too. I'm going
30:29
Speaker 3: to be like, wait a minute, what do we do here?
30:31
Speaker 3: What happened?
30:32
Speaker 1: Well, it's going to be so so fun. So along
30:35
Speaker 1: with your friend Elizabeth, Rebecca, you are going to join
30:38
Speaker 1: us at our jingle Ball concert in Los Angeles Friday,
30:40
Speaker 1: December sixth, presented by Capital One. You gals are going
30:44
Speaker 1: to come out with Kelly Benzmon and our other celebrity
30:47
Speaker 1: mentors who are going to really see if you've got
30:49
Speaker 1: the skills and what you need to flirt and maybe
30:52
Speaker 1: make a love connection at the show. You never know,
30:54
Speaker 1: it's going to be a fun night and you're going
30:56
Speaker 1: to get some great tips and confidence to take with
30:58
Speaker 1: you into the dating scene. Our mentors are going to
31:01
Speaker 1: help you with that flirting since you admit you're not
31:03
Speaker 1: really good at that. So get ready, Rebecca, We're coming
31:06
Speaker 1: for you, and we're coming to LA to come scoop
31:09
Speaker 1: you up and take you to iHeart jingle Ball.
31:11
Speaker 2: Awesome.
31:11
Speaker 1: Thank you guys. All right, we'll see you soon.
31:15
Speaker 2: Okay.
31:16
Speaker 1: Bye, And my husband can help us also be a wingman,
31:19
Speaker 1: you know, so he can. He's got a really good
31:21
Speaker 1: I for you know, the bad ones, so perfect.
31:25
Speaker 2: You can tell me all the people not to talk
31:27
Speaker 2: to perfect.
31:29
Speaker 1: Okay, right, awesome, Hi guys. This podcast is all about you, guys,
31:34
Speaker 1: the listeners who are ready to put yourselves out there.
31:37
Speaker 1: So if you want dating advice or are you ready
31:39
Speaker 1: to find love again, that's what we're here for. We
31:41
Speaker 1: want to get to know you. Call us one eight
31:44
Speaker 1: four four four I Do Pod or email us at
31:47
Speaker 1: I Do podt iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
31:51
Speaker 1: and TikTok at I Do Part two pod. All this
31:54
Speaker 1: information will be in the show notes. Make sure to
31:56
Speaker 1: rate and review the podcast I Do Part two and
31:59
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective