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How to STOP hating pictures of yourself · SAY GRACE | Weight Loss + Health for Overwhelmed Women- Stress, Busy, Consistency, Realistic, Motivation, Starting Over, No Restrictions

0:40
All right, y'all. I want you to think back to the last time somebody pulled
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out their phone, getting ready to take a picture, and your first thought was,
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oh my gosh, I hope they do not post that and tag me in it, right?
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This is a topic that I address a lot with clients, you know,
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as they are on their weight loss journey.
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Gosh, it's like the devil just sneaks right in. They'll have such a good day
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and be like, oh, I lost a pound or whatever.
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And then their husband will take a picture of them with their kids and like
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show it to them later. And they'll be like, oh my gosh, it doesn't look like I've made any progress.
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You know, like I hear that all the time.
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Girlfriends or family members, right? Like when we're taking a big group photo,
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oh my goodness, we have to take 15 different ways and then we have to do it again. And you know,
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people want to feel satisfied with how they look in a picture.
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And for me personally, like at 35 weeks pregnant, I'm feeling this, y'all.
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I mean, this is an excellent time for me to talk about this topic because I fully resonate.
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And y'all know I'm an open book. And honestly, I'm just, I'm getting bigger by the day over here.
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And even though obviously I know it's because I'm growing a life and all the things.
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It's not, that doesn't change the fact that like, I don't love what I see in the mirror, right?
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Like I don't, or in a picture, like now catch me on the flip side when I've
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lost all this baby weight, I will look back on these pictures of myself and
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be like, oh, remember when you were in mommy's belly or whatever.
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But like right now, it's really hard to stand in the mirror and look at myself,
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like with my panties cutting off my circulation and You know,
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everything just kind of hanging and it's just not fun, right?
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And so I feel I am fully immersed in this feeling right now of just not liking
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what you see in pictures or in the mirror.
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And then on the flip side of that, though, like on the flip side,
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right, every day we're making memories.
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And so every day I'm making memories with my kids.
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Gosh, it's our last few weeks as a family of four, right?
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And so I don't want to just not take pictures because I do want to document
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these times. I do want to be able to look back and remember these times.
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And so I know I need to, you know, embrace the photos, even if I don't just love them, right?
3:01
So I just, all that to say, like, I'm right there with you. And then,
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Also, so are so many other women.
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Y'all, we are heading into summer and so many people are like quietly dreading it, right?
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Because we've got more pool parties, more beach trips.
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And just in general, in the summer,
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it seems like there's more reasons to constantly be taking pictures.
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And since it's summertime, right, we are usually wearing less clothes because
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it gets so hot outside. And so a lot of women just dread this time,
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you know? And you have to know that you're not alone in that.
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And even though like I'm talking about how I feel, I feel this pretty heavily right now.
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I have always struggled with this. Like if you go back and listen to episodes
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for me from years ago on this topic, I still struggled with this.
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I just have always battled like the mirror and pictures.
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And even though, you know, I have, I am all about the positive self-talk and
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the positive mindset and loving yourself and everything, it's been a thorn for
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me, you know, just looking in the mirror and looking at myself in pictures.
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So just know I want, that's your encouragement to know it's not just a you problem.
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A lot of women, most women struggle with this, like even super fit,
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super healthy, you know, women, obviously even weight loss coaches, right?
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Like everyone struggles with this. And so for a lot of you listen,
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we're in the in-between, right, of like our health and our weight loss journey.
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So when you're in that in-between, when you haven't met your goal,
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but you're on your way and you're really trying hard, it can be really hard
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to think positively about our bodies because at the same exact time,
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right, we're actively trying to improve it, right?
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Like it's so hard to be like, oh, I love myself just the way I am.
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But like, meanwhile, let me pick this salad over this hamburger so I don't gain
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no weight, you know, like it's just really, it's a, it's a fine line to balance.
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And some days we all do it better than others
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right and so with this episode I'm not going
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to dive in on how like we're our
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own worst critics and our brains are a bunch of liars
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etc y'all heard me talk about this tons of times
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before and it is true right like we are our own worst critic and our brain is
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a freaking liar but today I want to share like five practical tips that are
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helpful for me for managing like this mirror and photo issue better, right?
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So that it doesn't become something that feels heavier or, you know,
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something that you obsess over or spiral about, right?
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Like I'm just going to share five things that I'm doing right now to navigate,
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like looking at my body, even when I'm not fully satisfied with what I see, right?
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And so we're just going to dive on into it. The first thing that I have really
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tried to do in this season and really all the seasons,
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and my friends, if my friends listen to this or my family members will probably know, like, really.
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Immediately have recognized it when I say it out loud.
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I don't dwell after the picture is taken.
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Like I try really hard not to pour over the picture. You know,
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when somebody takes a picture, everybody's like, okay, let me see.
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You know, I try really hard to just like step out of the group that's looking
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at the picture and just kind of walk away.
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For some reason, I just, I notice about myself, I will always want to redo it. You know what I mean?
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Like there's always going to be something I'm going to find that did not like about how I took it.
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And I will always want to redo it. And like, this is something that I really
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learned about myself when, you know, perfect fit kind of just,
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you know, continued to grow and be present on social media and everywhere.
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Like I had to take a lot of pictures of myself.
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And I did a lot of like pictures of like selfie style pictures of myself.
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And so I have spent a lot of time retaking pictures.
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And so I really learned that I'm never going to be satisfied.
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You know what I mean? And so instead of pouring over it and wanting to redo
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it, I just kind of walk away from the group. And then I.
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But under the same thought process, I never really look at those pictures on
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my phone like the same day or, you know, a couple days after.
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Like I don't really, you know, like I don't ever go back, which is terrible
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because I have like 50,000 pictures on my phone, y'all. I need to delete so many pictures.
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But I take them and I just leave them there. And I don't really like come back
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to look at them until maybe weeks later again, because.
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I don't want to dwell on the picture. I don't want to like stew over it.
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And we tend to find the worst in ourselves immediately after the photo is taken.
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I mean, think about it, you know, like, oh my gosh, I can look back on pictures
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of myself, you know, but from before when I got pregnant and I like hated those pictures of myself.
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And now I'm like, oh my girl, you'd be looking good, you know?
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So, I mean, think about it. Anytime we go back to pictures that are older,
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it's like, oh my gosh, I looked way better than I thought I did,
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you know, specifically in certain pictures where you may remember feeling a certain type of way.
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So I just, I don't dwell is the first one. I just try really hard not to dwell.
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And it feels like counter, what is it?
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Not counterproductive. it feels like opposite of what I should do because a
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lot of people around me do dwell. And in my...
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Internal state. Like I want to dwell, right? Like the center in me wants to
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dwell. So I just have to force myself to walk away.
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The next thing that I do is I try to shift my perspective in the moment.
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So like, instead of dwelling on not being satisfied with what I see,
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like when I am looking at the picture, or even when I'm getting lined up for
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a picture, knowing that I don't feel my best, right instead of dwelling on like
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oh my arms feel so fat oh I feel so you know whatever.
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Like I try to flip the narrative to thinking things like you know oh my gosh
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we're you know the way I look in this photo is not what matters right now we're
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here celebrating you know a wedding or a birthday party or whatever and I'm
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so thankful to be here you know and and celebrating her or you know.
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In your specific health walk journey, a thought that could be really helpful
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is, because, right, because I just said, right, like, you're trying to lose weight.
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You're trying to get healthier currently, like present day. So you're not going
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to be like, yeah, I'm so fine, you know, but news flash, you're never going to say that.
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Like, even when you get to your most perfect weight, your most fit,
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whatever, I mean, it's very rare that somebody's out here like,
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yeah, I'm so fine. Let's take this picture, you know.
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But right now it does feel more tender for some people.
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And so instead of focusing on that, like thinking things like,
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I wish I had lost 10 more pounds before this wedding.
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I wish I had changed my dress or whatever.
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You just think like, I'm striving daily to create a healthy body.
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Like, you know, like today is better than yesterday was, right?
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And so just trying to shift that perspective from a negative mindset, right?
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And it's crazy because we carry ourselves differently when we're thinking negatively.
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And so like, if you're feeling very insecure or very uncomfortable in a picture,
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like it's evident. And then obviously you're going to see that way more when
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you're looking back at the picture, right?
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You're going to notice it more than anyone else would.
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So just shifting your perspective in that moment.
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Okay, my third one is do not allow yourself to go into comparison mode, okay?
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So definitely don't be looking right and left thinking about how so-and-so is,
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you know, doing this and looking better and that.
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Like, don't even let yourself go there. Like, stop the thought before it even starts, right?
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Choose to focus on something different. You have the power to do that.
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But even aside from that like I notice a lot of our ladies when they start their weight loss journey.
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They'll go back and compare pictures of themselves
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now from when they were like 20 pounds skinnier and you know or they'll look
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at their friends they'll you know deep dive on people on social media and look
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at their pictures and like really just go down a negative like thinking spiral and And it doesn't...
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Serve you. You know what I mean? Like it, this strengthens that negative thought process.
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And so we've talked about this before, how like, if we think something and then
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we continue to allow ourselves to think it, and then we think it multiple times,
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like it becomes a belief, right?
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And so sitting there and, and like comparing and thinking the negative thing, like,
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yeah, you know, your arm may be smaller than your friend's or your butt may
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have been a lot smaller a couple years ago or whatever, but there is no true purpose.
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Just because it might be true doesn't mean that there's a need to be thinking
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about it and dwelling on it and comparing even.
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And so if we're doing that consistently, then we're just fueling that negative
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feedback loop and making it more likely for us to be thinking these same types
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of thoughts over and over and over again.
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And so this is a big one for me personally right now.
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It's like, okay, yeah, if I look at my pictures of myself from the summertime
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last year, I'm like, darn girl, you was looking good.
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You know, look how much smaller my thighs were.
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Look how much smaller my belly was. Like, you know, all these things.
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And so I have really tried not to dwell there.
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Now, what I will say is to kind of offset that, I have been doing my best to
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like go back and look at pictures of after I had my daughters,
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my first two daughters, and look and be like, oh my gosh, look at,
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you know, I had already lost probably, you know, 10 pounds by this picture.
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So like I'm creating expectations and excitement for myself and like reaffirming
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in my brain that, okay, I am going to get this weight off.
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Like, look, I did it once. I did it twice. Like, I'm going to do it a third time too.
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And here's kind of a timeline that I hope to see based on,
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the past. Like, I think that is a little more healthy mentally than just going,
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oh my gosh, I'm never going to be that size again, you know,
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because that's not true. And it's not true for any of us.
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Like, yeah, your butt could get back to the size it was, you know what I mean?
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But it's going to make it harder to get there if you're constantly thinking
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about how small it was and how big it is now and nothing past that, you know what I mean?
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So my fourth thing that I'm really trying to focus in on is finding a neutral
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statement about yourself, like in the picture or in the mirror or whatever.
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Like when all you want to do is critique yourself and you kind of feel like
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crap looking at yourself right now, you know, like that is a real thing,
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you know, and I don't want to minimize it.
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But at the same time, we've already talked about there's absolutely no point
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and dwelling on it. Like we're not going to get anywhere with that.
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So instead, can you just change the thought to something neutral, right?
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So like if you're looking at a picture, you know what I mean?
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And it's not your favorite picture.
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I love that blue dress, right? You didn't say you loved yourself in that blue
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dress, but I love that blue dress that I had on that night, right?
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Or we had so much fun that night, you know,
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so-and-so was so silly and we laughed until, you know,
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we couldn't stand it any longer you
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know it's all it is is just reframing your
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mindset around the photos instead of allowing your brain to zone in on the complete
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negative it's reframing to say like no I will not go there I will acknowledge
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this photo right by acknowledging the blue dress and the fun we had that night
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but I will not acknowledge that like,
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I hate the way I look in this picture because all that's going to do is send me down a spiral.
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And it doesn't change anything about the fact that today I'm actively working on my health, right?
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Today I'm still showing up for myself. So why dwell on how I looked yesterday
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in that photo or whatever it was, right?
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And then my last tip, and this is something that I have really,
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really locked in on this pregnancy, is to take some time to determine like,
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okay what is my favorite way to stand
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you know when you are in a decent headspace not in
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like a sad depressed headspace go
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back and look at pictures of yourself okay what do you like which pictures do
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you like the best and how are you standing in those pictures right what smile
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do you feel like you look the best the youngest the thinnest or whatever in
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right like look at those things, right?
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What pose do you typically like? What is your side, which, you know,
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which side do you prefer to stand on, right?
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Even like clothing, you know, so like this pregnancy specifically,
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I have put some time into the clothes I'm buying to wear for events that I feel
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like will be photographed.
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We have so, we've had so much and we still have several coming up.
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And so I have been very intentional, like I'm going to buy this dress for this baby shower.
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I'm going to wear this dress for, you know, Glory's kindergarten graduation. Because y'all, like.
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I think, again, I think it's kind of naive to say, like, you know,
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ignore your thoughts about your body because, like, that's really just not going
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to work out, right? But we can come at it from a loving place.
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And so some things that I do know about myself.
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I know that I've always had an issue with my arms, and I definitely have an
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issue with my arms now as a pregnant person whose boobs have quite literally quadrupled in size.
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I just feel like I look a little more top-heavy, right? Like,
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so from that, I'm going to not just wear like tank tops with everything hanging
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out and then hate myself in pictures, right?
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I'm going to choose clothing that I feel like helps me in that area,
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right? For these things that we are photographing, okay?
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And so I have just taken some time to recognize the things about myself that
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I am not, you know, super pumped to like show off to the world.
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And then buy clothing that is going to help me with that.
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And so it's the same for you, you know, if you hate your thighs or I hate to
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use the word hate on this, but like if you, if you're not crazy about your thighs,
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like we're not going to take a picture in like skin tight Daisy Dukes, right?
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If, if you have.
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Think your nose looks funny if you're standing on the left side.
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Well, then let's move over to the right side. You know, if there is a certain
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way you smile that you don't love, then like do it differently.
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Like just being, again, it's not like, oh, I hate my nose so much. I hate my thighs so much.
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It's just like, no, okay. These are the things that I have noticed are triggers
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for me when I look back at pictures.
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So what can I do to help myself not feel triggered the next time around?
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It's a very sound way of thinking instead of like an irrational emotional response, right?
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And so this one has just been really, really important for me.
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And you know, it takes some intention. I'm not going to lie.
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Like I have spent probably more time than necessary looking for a certain amount
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of dresses for certain events for this reason alone.
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But golly, getting dressed for these events has been so much better than even
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in my second pregnancy, definitely in my first pregnancy, my first pregnancy, I just wore whatever.
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But in my second pregnancy, like, you know, I would just kind of spiral and
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panic and freak out about clothes.
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And so just now I'm going into these events that I know are going to be photographed.
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Knowing that I'm going to be comfortable in what I wear. And the same can be said for you.
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If you've got a wedding coming up, if you've got a beach trip coming up, be selfish, right?
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Like sometimes we feel like it's so selfish to take time out and go shopping
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for ourselves. Since when? Says who?
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Every husband and I can promise you, your husband's going to say,
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baby, please, please go shopping and buy yourself some clothes that you love.
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If it's going to prevent you from like hating life and being negative and yelling
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at everybody and crying about how you look when we go down to this beach trip, right?
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Like I promise he's going to say that to you. And so take like take the initiative
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to take the time to spend on yourself.
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Look for specific things that will serve you and get them.
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You know what I mean? And they don't have to cost like hundreds of dollars.
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That's not what I'm saying. But just spending the time to be intentional can
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just truly make the experience so much better.
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I'll never forget, I went to a wedding, and I've talked about this before,
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but I went to a wedding right after I had Sarah Mason.
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This was, you know, this was 10 years ago and I still remember it.
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And I just kind of had a dress that I just threw on and I was like breastfeeding
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and my boobs were just leaking.
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And like, I forgot, it was a black dress and I forgot to lint roll it when I
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got, you know, when I put it on.
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And so it had like white lint all over it. And the wedding was out of town,
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like 45 minutes out of town.
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And so anyway, I was so uncomfortable and so miserable at this wedding.
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And I had been looking forward to this wedding for almost a year.
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But the stopping point or the pivot point was I should have taken time to think
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about what I was going to wear and how I was going to feel comfortable because
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I was in that in-between period of having a baby and breastfeeding a baby.
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Like I should have taken that time to make sure that I could feel comfortable at that wedding,
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And then it would have changed everything about my experience,
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about the pictures we took, about how long I wanted to stay,
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about how happy I was, like all of it, right?
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Just how we can be more intentional inside of our body.
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It can change everything about how we feel in that moment and again,
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how we reflect on the memories and all the things.
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So anyway, that's my little harp on that.
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And I just want to remind you to wrap this up, right? like you are working daily
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towards changing the negative spiral about your body image, right?
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Like if you're here, I hope that is one of your ultimate goals, right?
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Is to not only change your health and improve your health, but understanding
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that the mindset really is the start point for that. And so like we are changing
22:32
that spiral about your body image every single day. So if you dwell in it,
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Even if you eat the salad and pick the fruit and don't have the chocolate bar
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today, if you are still steadily thinking these negative thoughts about yourself,
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steadily just dwelling on it, steadily just nitpicking yourself,
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you are actively working against your goals.
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You are actively working against your weight loss goals, your health goals.
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You are actively working against yourself at the same exact thing you're saying
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to everyone you're setting out to do, right?
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So just do your best, right, to feel good in your skin, like we've talked about,
23:13
and then let go of that mental negativity and frustration in the moments that they try to arise.
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And I know it's easier said than done, but like, let's make that the goal, right?
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Now, if you heard this episode today and thought, okay, Constance,
23:32
that's all good, but I can honestly say that I am not putting forth the effort
23:37
to change my health or my mindset, right?
23:39
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And so I think this would be a great one for those who don't.
24:40
Do find themselves like constantly spiraling. And then from the spiral,
24:46
making terrible choices, you know, or giving up on themselves is such a common
24:51
thing, y'all. And it is just so near and dear to my heart.
24:53
And there is a way out, you know, but sometimes you got to do something different.
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And so PFM Plus has proven to be so successful for those who have felt that
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way to kind of claw their way out of that negative spiral.
25:08
So anyway, as always, I hope you'll have a fabulous day and remember to say grace.
25:24
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