Latest / Work It Like A Mum / Say No Without Guilt: How to Master Boundaries at Work and Home

Transcript

Say No Without Guilt: How to Master Boundaries at Work and Home · Work It Like A Mum

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I'm Elizabeth Willis, and I'm obsessed with helping as many women as possible achieve their boldest dreams after kids and helping you to navigate this messy and magical season of life.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a working mum with over 17 years of equipment experience, and I'm the founder of the Investing in Women Jobboard and Community.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: In this show, I'm honoured to be chatting with remarkable women, redefining our working world across all areas of business.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Deliver secrets on how they achieve six steps after children.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: We cover talk.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: Mixed with an inspiring talk, sprinkled with a career advice you wish you really had at school.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: So grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Make sure you closed and get ready to get inspired and chase your oldest dreams or just survive Mondays.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: This episode is brought to you by Investing in Women.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Investing in Women is a job board and recruitment agency helping you find your dream part-time or flexible job with the UK's most family-friendly and forward-thinking employers.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: Their site can help you find a professional and rewarding job that works for you.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: They're proud to partner with the UK's most family-friendly employers across a range of professional industries.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Ready to find your perfect job?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Search their website at investinginwomen.co.uk to find your next part-time or flexible job opportunity.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Now, back to the show.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, welcome to this week's episode of the Wake It Like a Mont podcast.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Today I am chatting with the lovely Lindsay Roberts, who um runs the goal digger coaching.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: And we're going to be talking today all about setting boundaries and avoiding burnout and how to find balance without the guilt.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Lindsay, for joining us.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's great to be here.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Really good to have you.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess to start with, what you know, why is this something you're so interested in?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent 12 years working in corporate and I found out the hard way that boundaries are really important.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um so jumping straight into the nitty-gritty, I had a breakdown in uh 2019 and that was a result of lots of different things, but especially at work, it was me saying yes to everything.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I put my hand up for everything, I went for every opportunity.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to be seen as like not helping.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I wanted to be a team player, I was in there early, I was leaving late, I wasn't taking lunch, like I wore all of that like a badge of honour.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was like fully ingrained into hustle culture, and then I just fell off a cliff, not literally, but um just as painful.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I recognised that when I was like in that place, I I wanted to help people where I was maybe a couple of years before I had my breakdown.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because had I I think that had I learned how to set boundaries, to figure out what success really looked like for me, and to understand that me saying no doesn't mean I'm a bad person or it doesn't mean I'm unhelpful.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that that could have really kind of that would have really definitely helped.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: It probably would mean that I wouldn't be sitting here chatting to you today, but it does mean that I think I could have had a lot I I guess I could have had a better experience in corporate, and that's not to say that I hated working in corporate, I absolutely loved it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love the the challenge and the creativity that I got to bring to the role, but I just gave everything and then I had nothing left to give.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why boundaries are kind of really close to my heart, and I've been a coach for the last um five years now, and I think in the last year especially, it's I've I've just focused more and more on the importance of setting boundaries, firstly, because I don't think we're ever really taught about how to do it.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: As a society, we're kind of taught to be really helpful, and um, you know, I know that when I was growing up, like I was told, you know, help other people, it's important to be helpful, you've got to be kind, you've got to be all of these things to look after other people, but there was no focus on looking after yourself.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So and I the more I thought about it, I was like, well, nobody's ever nobody ever taught me how to say no without feeling guilty, without feeling like I'm letting the team down, and I can't really see anything else out there in the market that's teaching people how to do that, so I thought I'd go and solve the problem myself.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So what boundaries do you wish you'd set then before your breakdown?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um definitely every boundary.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think if I was starting small, I would have definitely set time boundaries around me not being in the office 24-7.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this was like this was pre-COVID, so it was when we had like um a desk and we had, you know, but I would I would often take the laptop home just in case.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, just in case what?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I literally worked in financial services, nobody was gonna die.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: But the kind of the when you're in that bubble and you're in that environment and everybody's striving towards something, you kind of forget that in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it was like I definitely would have set time boundaries around leaving the office on time, um taking a lunch break.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I very rarely took lunch breaks, um, but also being able to manage priorities.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of the time people will come to to you and ask for like for help with things that it's urgent and important to them.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So you automatically think, oh my god, this is really urgent and important.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I need to do it now.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it's recognising just because it's urgent and important to them doesn't mean that it's urgent and important to you, and I think just that reframe um around that, I mean, when I look, when I look the stuff that I'm teaching now um to my clients, I know that I could have set them in every area of my life, and sometimes that feels really overwhelming.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I think had I like if I was teaching myself two years before I had my breakdown, I would be definitely focusing on getting to the office on time, leaving on time, and having a lunch break, and that's where I'd start.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: So not making it like too overwhelming because that in itself can be too much.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: But if I could have, and not even like not even doing that five days a week, because that's sometimes like if you've if you've never left the office before like 8 pm for the last five years, and you're not suddenly gonna be able to turn around and be like, okay, from Monday, I'm leaving at five every day.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not realistic.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it would be about me telling myself, look, set something realistic that three days a week you're gonna leave on on time, and you're not gonna take your laptop home with you, you're not gonna check your emails, you're just you're giving yourself that that break, that breather, that that space to kind of think and be in a different environment and feel different things, and no doubt when you've got that time to like that downtime, you will then come up with different ideas and you will be more productive when you come back to it.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I think there's that scarcity that if you're not always on, you're gonna miss something and something's gonna happen.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, unless you're working as a doctor and saving lives, sorry, I should say as a doctor or other profession saving lives, that it's not really it's not that important.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really hard to get your head around because when I can't I think it's because people people want to feel important.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: And this is shedding quite a lot of identity for a lot of people that a lot of people identify they wrap, you know, their job is who they are.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and absolutely and to actually be said told, and I agree with you, yeah, but that your job is not that important.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's quite jarring because then you think, well, why am I wasting eight hours a day?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I don't think it's to say that it's not important, yeah, but I think it's to recognise that it's not like if you don't send that email at 8 pm at night, the world isn't gonna come crashing down.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's that kind of catastrophizing that we have that oh my god, if I don't get this done, and it's like, oh, you know, your friends and family be like, you don't understand, you don't get it, it's it's really important.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: It might be important, but it's important at the detriment to what?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are like, if you're saying yes to everything, then what are what are you saying no to?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's no time, there's no space, and and when you said that, yeah, it can be jarring, and I I know for a fact that if I'd have said this to myself like two years ago and be like, it's not that important, I'd be like, Like, how dare you know, how dare you?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was I was caught up in that.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember when I went back to work after my breakdown, I had like three, four months off, and I went back to work and I could see everybody running on a treadmill, like not not actually, but that would have been weird.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: But everybody was like running on a treadmill and they were rushing towards this deadline, towards this next step, towards this next project.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was over here running on this, not running, I was walking on this treadmill, and it was okay.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, maybe I need to think about I was like, everybody's running, and I feel like I'm missing out by not being on that treadmill, but I'm still able to do what I need to do on this treadmill by walking.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not getting caught up in everything, and I think that helped me then think about redefining what success looked like to me.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the time I had everything caught up in like I was a career girly, like I was very much I did the whole traditional career path.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: I went to uni, I then um struggled to get a job because I graduated in the GFC, which was delightful, but then went into financial services, came down to London, got a job in London, and was climbing up the career ladder, and that was my focus.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: As it is for so many other people, and I'm not saying I guess I'm not saying it's not a bad thing at all.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not if that is what you want to do, absolutely do it.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I would just encourage people to get a little bit of perspective and the fact that yes, your career is important because it will allow you to do lots of different things, but if you're if you're putting all your eggs in one basket and you're focusing it all in one area, then the rest of your life is not getting a look in.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you can do that for so long, but eventually, like, and like what the people like if you got run over by a bus tomorrow, your work would get done.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they'd find a way, yeah, and and I think that is like it's harsh, but it's true that you are replaceable, and you think that you're not because you're like, Well, I've done this amazing thing, and I I'm great at my job, and you definitely probably you definitely are, but it's just that perspective, I guess, that I would just encourage people to to to think about, and it's like, well, why is that so important to me?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe if I'm focusing all my time and energy into this career, then what does the rest of my life look like?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Am I happy with the rest of my life?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is it that you're working and focusing on your career because you don't want to deal with what's going on in the rest of your life?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that could also be true as well.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it is about if we're thinking about when it bringing it back to boundaries, that they are very individual and it is about what you feel is right for you at the time, and they can flex and they can change, and boundaries need to have a bit of flex and change because you are changing all the time.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, sorry, I think I've gone off on a tangent then, but it was why did you why were you taking your laptop home and working you know, long hours and things?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Was that because you felt it was expected of you?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: Was that what everyone else was doing?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um I wanted to do a good job.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to do the best I could do.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was the person that everybody came to when they needed something, I'd just get it done.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was that person.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: And did you feel if you'd have left on time or taken your lunch break that you wouldn't have been doing a good job?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I felt that like there was, and it's again like the the kind of the COVID um landscape has changed things in the fact that from a like a presenteism perspective, like you're expected to be at your desk.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: We never really worked from home, like pre-COVID.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so there was that expectation that you'd be at your desk, but I wore it as a badge of honour that I was like, I was like, oh no, I have to I have to uh order lunch, uh I have to order dinner from work because I've stayed late.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And like I was I was proud of that because I was going above I felt I was going above and beyond.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now it wasn't necessarily encouraged.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Were you rewarded for that though?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um because in financial services obviously the rewards are higher than in other industries with like bonuses and things like that.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um yes and no.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think I I think it was more I wasn't like it wasn't a culture where you had to stay or you'd be rewarded for staying, but I think that I was able to well, I had more capacity because I was working ridiculous hours and absolutely pushing myself to the extreme that I was able to get more done.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So my output was a lot higher.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I think that I I just thought that I I'd kind of like then I'd made my bed, I had to lie in it, and I was like, well, how do I ever like how do I ever stop this?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: What I've had this output of like these extra hours a week, and I will I was And that's the expectation now you felt then that this person can deliver this in 40 hours a week when actually it was taking you 50 hours.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's and then it's like, well, how do I how do I pull that back?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do I do?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like where do I yeah, where do I even begin to start?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: How do I unpick that?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: And how did you feel like you could unpick that then?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I d well I didn't.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I I just I and I guess and it took my breakdown to really think about what what I was doing.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't and like I'd ignored the bur I'd ignored signs of burnout for about 18 months.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: What are the signs of burnout?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh um it could be anything, anything.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um if you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed, if you are struggling to sleep, if you are feeling like you're not coping at work, if you are it can be absolutely if I guess as well like sorry, I'm just trying to think.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: If the stress, like it's I'll start again, it's normal to have stress, right?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's normal, it's a normal response to being human.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's from when we go back to being cavemen and women and we were gonna get attacked by a lion or a tiger, yeah, like that.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: The stress kicks in, the adrenaline kicks in, and then it calms down, and we're like, okay, not today, we're safe.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens is like when you're feeling a lot of stress and you're getting into burnout, is that those levels never kind of drop.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you're then always in this heightened state of awareness, um, on high alert, just like on the edge of your seat, thinking like what's gonna happen next, what's gonna happen next.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you never really get that drop.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you're always in that kind of higher sense of anxiety, anxiety, yeah.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: But then also like for some people, it doesn't show up as anxiety.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like for me, it was I would go through periods of like being uninterested in work, I would just like going through the motions and not really feeling it.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to do anything outside of work, I was just mentally exhausted.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like my brain was just like, I can't, I've got nothing left to give.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've got nothing left to to give you.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: So just let me rest, please.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but for me, like I had I'd started having panic attacks, I'd started having uh, and I was like, Oh yeah, I'll just go to yoga, that will fix it, it'll be fine.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was very emotional.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I would be crying for like the amount of work that I had to do.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I remember crying on the phone to my dad, and he's like, this has to stop.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, but I can't, I've got to finish this thing.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: But nobody could get through to me because it was yeah, you know, I had to do a good job.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I think for burnout, like burnout looks different for different people.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it presented more with anxiety.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but for others, it can be like a disinterest in work, just feeling like you've got nothing left to give.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you might be over-emotional, you might be second guessing yourself, like all of these things can just like the stress can just kind of feed into burnout.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't deal with, if you don't deal with the stress and the overwhelm, then burnout is going to happen.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's inevitable.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you're not taking the time to the stress in your body is trying to tell you something, and we just so often ignore it.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, yeah, it's fine, it's fine, I'm just a bit stressed.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you've just been a bit stressed for the last six years at work, then something might need to change.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're always telling yourself, like, oh, it's going to be easier after this next project, things will calm down when the kids have gone back to school and it's back to normal, things will be better after this next deadline, but you've been saying that for however long you've been in that role, then it's thinking maybe something does something does need to change.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: So would you say the change needs to be the boundaries, or maybe you just don't like your job?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: You won't need to change jobs?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe a bit of both.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is I think it's changing jobs isn't always the answer.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if you change jobs and you haven't dealt with what's going on for you, you're gonna have the same problem wherever you go next.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if you don't have boundaries in the job that you're in now and you're like, it's definitely the job, it's not me, it's not boundaries, I'm fine, I'm just gonna change job, then those same patterns will just emerge in a new place because you've not got the tools and the techniques in place to be able to handle what is coming at you.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: So your default will be, okay, I'll just do everything.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I think it is around like if the job, if the job isn't right for you, it's not about like just jumping and being like, right, I'm just gonna move on something else.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: But have you done have you explored everything that's going on in the role to figure out is it the role or is it your boundaries?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because is it the fact that you've been pulled into seven or eight different projects that aren't really within your remit, that you've just it's just happened, and then suddenly you're doing a lot of work that actually you were never trained for, you're never brought in for, like you never expected to be doing, then that's something around setting a boundary with your manager, with your team to be able to address that.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if that was addressed, would you then be happier in your role potentially?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's actually taking some time to do a bit of an audit about your role and in your job and what is it that is like draining you, what is giving you joy, understanding like the key tasks that you're doing on a day-to-day basis, figuring out and just and just being analytical of of what you're doing on a day on a daily daily, daily basis, on a day-to-day basis.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you've got that chance to take a step back and identify what's going on, you can then address any problems.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas I think if you're like actually it it might just be the job, then you're like actually I'm ready to go, but I still think it's important for you to get to the stage where you understand what boundaries you need to put in place, and then you're doing that in your new role.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: Playing devil's out, obviously the economy is tough at the moment.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I don't think we can shy away from that.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot of people looking for work and a lot of people in work, but businesses, you know, maybe not doing so well.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: How do people put in place these boundaries when there is so much uncertainty around the labour market?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Is it wise to do it now?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: And how do you manage that and play that?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: I guess with you know, me as a business owner, the market's really tough.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, people are having to be quite adaptable within their role.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: Just wondering how you know where this sort of sits within a tough economic climate as well.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think boundaries shouldn't be seen as like as combative.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is about recognising that boundaries can help you do your job better.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not necessarily, you know, after listening to this podcast, you're right, Lindsay has said that I need to go and do this.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, hey manager, I'm not gonna do any of this, I'm just doing this part of my job.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, please don't do that, anybody that's listening.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it is about finding, like, if there are situations in in your work where I know that there's a lot of redundancies happening at the moment, and I know a lot of people are on edge as as to what is gonna happen in the future.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what's important for you to do is to frame it around how can you provide the best business outcome in your role.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it is about reframing that actually to align with business priorities.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think it would be better if I focused on X, Y, and Z and I'll park the rest of this stuff.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it is about you kind of trying to reframe and kind of resell it in with your manager or your team leader that actually you've got me working on all of this other, this like this like level C stuff, but actually to have the most impact and to help the business strategically, I need to spend more of my time working on this this A stuff.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: So is it okay if I pause this C stuff whilst I work on this A stuff, then that will help unlock X, Y, and Z for the business.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: It might help with revenue, it might help with um operational savings.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if you can, if you can illustrate and identify areas of your role that you know are gonna help the business more, then it makes sense for you to have that conversation with your manager.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that your manager is then going to be like, oh my god, yeah, absolutely.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: But at least you're having that conversation and you are identifying and just being a bit more analytical and critical about what you are doing on a day-to-day basis because you do go into that autopilot of just getting shit done and stuff just gets thrown at you and you're like, oh my god, I need to do everything.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, is this the best use of my time?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Asking that question, having those conversations doesn't mean things are going to change straight away.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: They might not change at all, but I still think it's important to have that conversation because once you've had that conversation, you've planted the seed in your manager, in your team member, in your leader's head that you are thinking that way.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then it might be the next time that a random project comes, that you can then say, actually, I'm still focused on this as a priority.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is that still important to you?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's making them think properly and help you manage your workload.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes that as well, like we forget that managers are there to help manage us and manage our workload, not just us as a person, but also what we've got coming in and what we're doing.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And your manager should be thinking like, what's the what's going to make the team look the best and deliver the best?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Asking your manager about competing priorities, I think, should be much more accepted to do.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it feels like you feel like you should do it all your own, you should be able to cope.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're going to your manager and saying, It's not you going and saying, I can't do all of this, you're saying I can, but you've yeah, you've given me two things, which is most important to you, and making them pick, making them have the decision, which then means then if like somebody more senior comes in and is like, Why haven't you done this?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: You've already got your manager prepped because he's like, and then they can be like, Okay, well, it's not priority at the moment.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: So because you're having those conversations, it's just important to have those conversations.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think I wouldn't be scared to set the boundaries, it's just about having a conversation, and it can be really scary when you've never done it before.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what I would say to anybody who is in that situation who's feeling a little bit um cautious about setting boundaries, I'd start really small.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're thinking like micro boundaries.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, what could you do in your day to give yourself a little bit of time and energy back?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is it that you have 15 minutes break outside, you'd leave the office or your house, wherever you work in, and you go outside for some fresh air for 15 minutes?
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: You've been out for 15 minutes, it's not gonna absolutely revolution revolutionise your day, but it is gonna help.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think it does revolutionize the amount I've always get feelings sometimes like you know, when you're feeling tired and you think I'm not working very well, it's a bit like mush, and then I go out for a 15-minute walk, whatever.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I come back and I'm just like it's like you get a second wind.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: You really do, yeah.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: It does make it, it makes a massive difference.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: But people are like, well, what's 15 minutes gonna do?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it will make a difference, absolutely.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but you might think that it has to be more, and it absolutely doesn't.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Taking 15 minutes away isn't gonna, the business isn't gonna fall down, nothing's gonna happen while you're away for 15 minutes.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: So it is like, where can you start small in the week just to start adding those things in, and then you're gonna slowly build up.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: But just having that 15 minutes a day, like you say, you come back to your desk feeling refreshed, ready to go.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're not feeling like that 3 p.m.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: slump of like, oh my god, what am I doing here?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so tired, you're not thinking straight.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I would definitely just start small and then just pick something every week.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it's then like, okay, so I've now got that 15 minutes in.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: The next week I'm gonna layer on the next next thing.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: So is it that the next week I'm then just gonna I'm not gonna answer emails on the weekend?
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like that might be another thing.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: So you're just giving yourself that little bit of space in different places, but over time that will definitely add up, and you'll feel like because you're getting the benefits of doing it, you'll want to do it more.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like that.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, how can people work with you, Lindsay?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: What do you offer, and you know, how can they get in touch?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so there's a few ways um we can work together.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one-to-one is probably the best way in terms of getting a boundary um a boundary blueprint, I guess, ready for you to be able to use in your day-to-day.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, one-to-one sessions I offer, um, we've got a boundaries boot camp that starts again in January, which is a six-week intensive boot camp.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you do burpees and running and jumping.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then also I've got um like off-the-shelf workshops that you can purchase on my website, which just give you an insight into how to set boundaries.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you if you're not ready to kind of go the whole hog, that's absolutely fine.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: But there's like I've got like 60-minute workshops and workbooks that you can just use in your own time that are really beneficial um just to be able to get you started.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find all that on my website, which is www.golddiggercoaching.co.uk.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: And what have been some of the transformations people have experienced since going through one of your programs?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think uh people are very people are very surprised because they recognise that it is the small things they're doing that are having a massive difference.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it is surprise.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've had um operations directors come through and do one-to-ones with me and have actually been able to feel like they've got some sort of work-life balance where she was actually not even, she wouldn't, she would take her laptop and phone on holiday, but we worked towards her actually having time off for the entire holiday that she was away, and she just she was like, I came back actually feeling refreshed and been able to do my job properly.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is recognising that yes, it is the little things that make a big difference, but seeing the the ability for them to have more joy in their job as well, I think as well, when you are if you're working all of the time, you don't often come up for air.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's that realization that people can put these small things in place, it have a massive impact, and then that have a positive impact on their job as well.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you so much for your time today, Lindsay, and for joining us on the podcast.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a pleasure.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for having me.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for listening to another episode of the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: And don't forget to share the link with a friend.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_02: If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willett and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: You can also follow my recruitment site, Investing in Women, on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, keep on chasing your big stream.